Theme 3: Torment
Prompts:
1) [Plot point] Unrequited love
2) [Pairing - any] Lily Evans / Severus Snape
WC: 1882
I Must Only Tell Lies
Leave it to James Potter to turn a perfectly good day into a steaming pile of shit.
I usually enjoyed Potions, especially when partnered with Lily Evans. She was my best friend since childhood, my partner in everything, and we were undoubtedly the star students. But unfortunately, we were partnered with James Potter too. It was safe to say that today, I was not enjoying Potions.
Recently, I had felt a shift in our friendship and was hopeful that Lily and I were heading toward something more. After all, everyone expected it from us — we were a perfect match.
However, it seemed that Potter's one and only goal was to convince Lily Evans to go on a date with him, and I was pretty sure that had less to do with his affection for Lily, and more to do with his hatred toward me. Sure, he liked Lily, many people did, but mostly, he knew that watching Lily date someone else would torment me.
Even though I was confident that Lily hated him too, she occasionally engaged with his flirting. It bothered me even more today, since something had felt off between us. Things had been tense ever since I… well never decided to put that in the past.
"I bet we'll finish first," said Potter as he glanced around the cool and musty dungeon, presumably scoping out the progress of our competition. "All because of Evans, the Potions' genius!"
After dividing us into teams, Professor Slughorn had asked us to brew a potion of our choice, but he never specified that it was a race. If it had been, I would have selected something less complicated.
"There's no prize for finishing first," said Lily, flipping her auburn hair over her shoulder. It cascaded down her back like a luxurious curtain. "Plus, if we do finish first, we'll owe it to Severus, not you."
Thank you, Lily.
She was right, and Potter didn't seem to know a thing about brewing Veritaserum. I smiled when James chose not to respond, and instead changed the subject. Her compliment must have struck a nerve. "Have you ever tried Veritaserum, Lily?"
"No," she said. "Nor do I ever want to."
"Why not?" He sounded like he was taunting her with a game of truth or dare at a party, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his childish antics.
"There are certain things I'd like to keep to myself," she said with a shrug.
"Like what?" pressed James.
"Ha, nice try."
From the corner of my eye, I watched James ruffle his hair like a bird fluffing his feathers. "Is it that you're in love with me?" he asked, batting his eyelashes in an overexaggerated manner that made him look utterly ridiculous. Did girls actually like that?
"Sure, James."
"Knew it," he said.
Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes, but I couldn't help but catch her cheeks pinkening. The bashful way she looked at him made my throat clench, and I felt like I had swallowed a bezoar. I had to remind myself that there was nothing romantic between them. She told me she thought he was rude and arrogant, and she'd never lie about something like that. Right?
They kept talking, and I kept listening, knowing any of my interjections wouldn't be welcome. Even though I was confident Lily wanted me, not Potter, every beat of their banter still tightened the knots in my stomach. To an outsider, someone who didn't know Lily as well as I did, their interactions could be misread as flirtation.
She had to know that she deserved better.
"I've taken it," I said, the words escaping from my lips without a second thought. As soon as I spoke, I couldn't help but grimace at the feeling of walking into a trap, as though my admission was nothing but a feeble attempt at asserting dominance over James. I knew that wouldn't look good in Lily's eyes.
The silence that followed was a reminder that she could see right through it all. She always could.
"I'll take it," said James, with a sideways glance at Lily. "And then you can ask me anything."
At least James was blissfully unaware of how foolish he sounded.
"Deal," said Lily.
"What else do we need to do before it's ready?" asked James. He scowled at the contents of the cauldron, a misty, swirling liquid.
"Three drops of Essence of Daisyroot."
Lily narrowed her eyes as she spoke. "I thought it was Jobberknoll feathers."
"No, Daisyroot," I repeated, keeping my voice calm and casual.
But she was right. It was Jobberknoll fathers. Little did James and Lily know, we weren't brewing Veritaserum. Not anymore.
"But my book says—"
"The book's wrong," I said. "Trust me, Lily, I've made this before."
"Okay, okay."
Lily released three drops of Essence of Daisyroot into the cauldron, and with a sizzle, the contents morphed into a clear water-like solution. It looked identical to Veritaserum and could easily trick a fool like James Potter.
'Well, there we have it," I told them, motioning toward the cauldron. "Veritaserum.'
I smiled down at the potion, positive that I was the only one who knew that swapping Jobberknoll feathers for Essence of Daisyroot gave Veritaserum the opposite of the intended effect — that the drinker would only be able to tell lies.
Why would anyone else have known? I was the first one to discover it, after all. Being a Potions savant had its benefits.
"Brilliant." I rolled my eyes as James ladled a few drops into a vial. "Now to test it."
"James," started Lily. "Before you take that—"
But it was too late. James tipped back the vial, swallowing the water-like substance in one tiny sip. He then paused and contemplated the empty container as though wondering if baring his soul to impress a girl was in his best interest.
The look of trepidation only lasted for a second before his signature arrogant smirk took over. "Go ahead, ask me anything."
Lily was quiet as she glanced between James and me. I could almost see her thoughts running circles in her mind as she wondered what to ask.
I took my opportunity before she had a chance. "Do you want to go to the Christmas party with Lily?"
James scowled at me and I couldn't help but laugh. Obviously, he wasn't expecting me to ask him anything.
"No," he said, and immediately his eyes widened in surprise, followed by another pointed glare in my direction. He wasn't expecting his answer either.
"Oh, I thought you liked her," I asked, now wearing a knowing smile.
"No, I hate her."
James slapped a silencing hand over his mouth, and I turned my attention to Lily, watching for her reaction. She had her head cocked to the side and was studying James, a curious expression on her face. There was no surprise on her face, nor hurt. It wasn't the reaction I'd been expecting.
Maybe she already knew he's just playing a game.
"Then why did you say you did?" I continued. "Just leading her on, hoping for a shag so you can brag to your friends?"
"Shut up, Severus," said Lily as she whipped around to face me, her cheeks filling with color, and not in the bashful way they did when she spoke to Potter. She bore into me in the way only she could, piercing me with those lustrous green eyes. But this time there was anger behind her glare, and I suddenly felt like I had swallowed a mouthful of flobberworms.
"Why? Now you know the truth. He doesn't actually like you."
James had removed his hand from his mouth, but his lips were still pressed together like a dam holding back a river. Knowing he couldn't say anything, he was looking at Lily with pleading eyes, but her attention was still on me.
"It's not the truth," she said. "You think I don't know what Essence of Daisyroot does?"
I resisted shuddering under her stare. How did she know?
"I'm quite good at Potions too," she said, as if answering my unspoken question. Her tone was pointed when she continued, "you know, for a mudblood."
My heart sank into my stomach as soon as the word left her lips. I could hear it in my own voice and was slapped with the memory of my biggest regret — calling her a mudblood.
Why would she remind me? We'd agreed to put it behind us.
"I thought we'd moved past that," I muttered, "why are you bringing it up now?"
I grimaced at the defensiveness in my tone, but even knowing that I should swallow my pride and apologize again, I didn't. Like James, my lips were glued shut as I awaited her response, but when I looked up to grab her attention she wasn't looking at me. She didn't even seem to hear me.
"James, I'd love to go to the Christmas party with you."
James beamed, and my face grew hot with anger. Watching Lily smile at him made my palms sweat and my heart rate quicken. My chest felt hollow as the image of Lily and I together, holding hands, hugging, and kissing shattered. She was supposed to go to the party with me, not James. Not that I'd asked, but I was planning to. I just had to gather up the courage.
I glanced back toward the cauldron and began busying myself by organizing ingredients. My eyes were stinging with tears and I couldn't give Potter the satisfaction of seeing that.
Potter. He didn't deserve Lily, I did. We'd been best friends since we were children, and I've always liked her more than that. She had to know, it wasn't like I'd been hiding it. I thought she had felt the same. One little utterance of 'mudblood' shouldn't change anything.
Who knew our friendship was so fragile?
"Severus?"
Lily's voice pulled me out of my swirling thoughts.
"Yes?" I ask, my tone hopeful.
Both Lily and James were packing up their belongings - Slughorn must have called the end of class, and I was too lost in my thoughts to notice.
"When is this going to wear off? He has an oral exam next hour."
My heart sank. Of course she's only concerned about Potter. What would it take to show her he's not worth it? Every attempt seemed to backfire on me.
"Should only be a few minutes," I lied. It would take a few hours, but honestly, I didn't care if James Potter failed his exam.
"Great. Are you coming?" she asked. As if she was asking out of courtesy, her voice was stiff and uninviting, and I didn't miss the look of disdain on James' face.
"You go ahead. I'll bottle this up."
"Okay. See you later," said Lily as she and James turned their backs to head out to the corridor. I averted my eyes away from them, not wanting to risk seeing James slip an arm around her shoulder. My arm felt cold and purposeless just thinking about it.
"What do we have here," asked Slughorn as he approached my table.
"An attempt at Veritaserum," I said as I poured some of the cauldron's contents into a vial.
"An attempt? With you and Miss Evans at the same table, it would surely be a successful attempt."
"Yes," I said, shrugging. "We let Potter have a more active role."
"I see. I see. How very kind of you both!" said Slughorn, grabbing the vial from my hands as I vanished the rest of our cauldron's contents. "Now go on!"
I slung my bag over my shoulder and moved toward the exit, once again the last student to leave the room.
At least Slughorn knew Lily was on my level, not Potter's. Someday, I'd make sure she knew that too.