He didn't understand how it could have turned out this way. Horuss thought their relationship was stable, that they loved each other, that there were no worries between them.
"Let's take a break."
Rufioh's words had slapped him in the face, though they were spoken in a shaky voice. Rufioh struggled to hold his gaze, stumbled over his words, and Horuss had taken a moment to respond:
" ... What?"
He hadn't known what else to say. It just seemed too absurd. But Rufioh had taken a feverish breath and repeated:
"Our relationship. Let's take a break."
It was at times like this that they were glad they weren't living together. It would have been too confusing. Which one of them should have left? In this case, it was Horuss who was at Rufioh's house, leaving the hive of his... his ex-lover?
They hadn't spoken further. What was there to say anyway? Horuss had slipped out of the house in a daze, unable to think about what had just happened.
A break? What did that mean, a break?
He had dragged himself along the streets, without really knowing where he was going, repeating Rufioh's words over and over again without making any sense. It made no sense at all. It was all nonsense.
He stopped at a street he didn't recognize, but it didn't matter. A break... a break... Rufioh had asked him for a break. He had asked him for a break in a desperate tone. He had asked him for a break like someone announcing that they wanted to break up.
Rufioh did not want a break. Rufioh wasn't planning on coming back to him, was he?
A break... Horuss' mind repeated the word over and over again, but it didn't take on any more value.
And then he jumped, taken by surprise when a hand came to rest on his shoulder:
"Hey Chief, is everything okay?"
Horuss turned around, to meet Cronus' curious and slightly worried gaze. Maybe because the blue blood wasn't smiling, he was just standing in the middle of the street staring into the distance. There was a short silence, where the taller man had a hard time taking in the question.
" ... Rufioh wants to take a break."
The words had come out in such a fluid way. As fluid as the tears that came to moisten his eyes and soak his face.
"H-he... wants..."
This time he couldn't finish, his tongue stumbled over the words, and before he could really understand, he had started sobbing, as if saying the thing out loud had finally given it real meaning.
Shit... Damn it...
Cronus didn't hide his amazement, watching his comrade with wide eyes, his mouth half open, almost dropping his cigarette. But he quickly recovered, and correctly turned the Zahhak to him to hug him.
"Don't worry chief. Everything's fine."
It was strange. Cronus' embrace was quite different from Rufioh's. His lover... ex-lover, was taller and with a strong build, his grip was firm but tender, it was easy to escape. Cronus, on the other hand, was slightly smaller than him, and much thinner, yet his embrace was more powerful, dominating, almost like a barrier that cut you off from the outside world. Like a trap that would not let you go.
And Horuss continued to cry. He cried as he snuggled up to him, not feeling like he was disturbing. He cried as he buried his face in the crook of his neck, feeling like he was invited in, seeing that Cronus gave him no choice. And it felt good, to feel held like that, unlike Rufioh who gave him the constant feeling that he could slip through his fingers.
Horuss loved Rufioh, he had never wanted to leave him, and he wished his ex-lover had been more possessive of him, less flexible. But today he understood better this quiet attitude, this attitude that meant 'you can leave, I won't mind'. Had Rufioh been trying to send him the message all this time, wanted to make him leave on his own because he was too much of a coward to break up with him properly?
Even today, he had been hiding behind this so-called 'break'
Fuck.
"It's okay chief... It's okay."
Cronus kept him against him and patiently patted his back, ignoring the inappropriate glances from passersby. Again it was so strange... Cronus was being selfish, ignoring the people they were bothering only to focus on him, while Rufioh would probably have apologized to the crowd and pulled him away before consoling him.
Horuss suspected that this was the best thing to do, to move aside so as not to get in the way. It felt strange to be with someone who was only focused on him and not on the others. It made him want to cry even harder. Because he didn't have to be ashamed to cry, he didn't have to be afraid not to smile. Because Cronus didn't care, Cronus comforted him, Cronus didn't seem embarrassed by his fault.
And Cronus lifted his face, to run a hand over his cheek and wipe away some tears with his thumb:
"Do you want to crash somewhere? I'll buy you lunch."
He offered him a quiet smile, and Horuss felt his own stomach growl, causing him to blush as Cronus chuckled.
" ... I.. Don't want to abuse your kindness, highblood." he replied piteously, his voice a little hoarse.
Cronus gently patted his shoulder:
"Don't worry chief, it makes me happy!"
The sailor naturally put an arm around his waist and led him in the direction of a small bar/restaurant. Normally Horuss would have stepped aside, such intimate contact didn't sit well with him unless it came from Rufioh. But now there was nothing between him and Rufioh, and this reminder still made his heart ache. Yet he said nothing, let himself be guided inside, and Cronus took care to choose a table a little apart to be quiet.
They sat down opposite each other, and Horuss felt ashamed. What did he have to look like? He probably looked terrible, with his reddened eyes, his disheveled face and his slightly disheveled ponytail.
"Hey chief, you should splash some water on your face, it would do you good," suggested Cronus with a little worried pout.
Horuss blushed and shyly nodded:
"Y-Yes, of course, I'm sorry..."
Cronus tilted his head to the side, a sign of his confusion, and took his hand:
"Don't apologize, you're the one feeling bad.
- ... I... it's just... having lunch with me when I'm in this state...
- Hey, no worries chief, it's just a quiet lunch to take your mind off things. Why don't you freshen up a bit while I order a drink, okay?"
Horuss hesitated, then managed a slight smile and nodded, stood up and disappeared into the bathroom. He approached the sinks and didn't linger on his reflection, simply coming in to splash water on his face as planned. It was strange, so strange... so different from usual. If it had been Rufioh, he would have been more hesitant and still flexible, would surely have told him 'you can freshen up, well if you want' and Horuss would have said 'no' and Rufioh wouldn'have insisted. But Cronus, once again, had given him little choice.
Cronus was selfish. Everyone said so. Selfish and only thinking with his bulge, only wanting to fill his quadrants. No doubt his attitude towards Horuss was just a plan to get him into a relationship. But... it felt good. It felt good to see someone being selfish for him.
When Horuss returned to the table, feeling a little cooler and calmer, he saw that a bottle of water had been set out, along with two tall glasses filled with a colorful drink.
"What is this?" he asked as he sat back down.
Cronus smiled at him:
"The best cocktail in this restaurant, I love it. I hope you like it.
- ... I... I'm not sure I want any alcohol right now.
- It's alcohol free, Chef, don't worry."
Ampora laughed:
"I'm not planning to get you drunk and kidnap you."
Horuss tensed as he blushed again, and Cronus stopped laughing to look at him in bewilderment:
" ... Wait... Horuss, did you really think I wanted to do that?"
The blue blood swallowed and looked down:
"My apologies..."
Cronus looked at him for a few more seconds, speechless at this admission, before sighing as he massaged the back of his neck:
" ... I guess I look like the kind of asshole who would do that? Sorry.
- What, no, don't... Don't apologize Highblood, I was the one who was rude!"
Horuss felt his throat knot up as he saw the sad little smile on Cronus' face, who shrugged his shoulders and tried to pretend nothing:
"Don't worry chief, I'm not blaming you. You just had a fight with your matesprite, and I'm taking you to lunch. Given my habit of jumping on anything that moves, I understand why you're suspicious."
The blue blood bit his lip with guilt, grabbed his hand with all the softness he was capable of:
"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to... You come to comfort me and I blame you and..."
Cronus laughed again and stroked his hand:
"Eheh, careful, you're falling for it now.
- ... What? What do you mean?
- I'm playing the false victim card, I'm turning the situation around so that you'll look guilty and want to make it up to me. And then I'm going to make you feel so guilty that you'll end up in my bed in tears, telling yourself that you're the worst person ever and that you're lucky that a highblood like me is taking care of you."
Horuss frowned with confusion, keeping their hands together as he didn't understand :
"...but...why are you telling me? Isn't it counterproductive to reveal this to me?"
Cronus unclasped their hands with a shrug, suddenly fleeing his gaze :
" ... Maybe I don't want you to fall into the trap...? Not today anyway. Do you still want to try the cocktail? It's really good, and without alcohol."
Horuss continued to look at him, trying to detect his reactions, but now he could read some embarrassment in Cronus. It was cute. It was as if the highblood had wanted to play the 'bad boy' only to end up like a child who didn't dare declare his love.
It made him smile, almost laugh, and he agreed to take the drink and taste it. Immediately he exclaimed:
"Oh, you're right, it's really good!"
Cronus smiled broadly as he looked back at him:
"Really? I mean... of course!"
He drank in turn, and Horuss noticed his ears twitching with contentment. He thought he had seen Cronus' ears react like that before, when he was complimented or called out. It was cute, to see him be happy about little things like that... and on reflection, it was rather sad to realize that it rarely happened.
It was even sadder that Horuss only noticed him now, almost hypocritical. After all, the blue blood had never paid him any real attention, spurning his advances because he was only thinking of Rufioh, and now that his relationship was no longer, he was interested in Cronus as if to use him? No, no, he didn't want Cronus to be a common plan B.
"Is everything okay chief?" worried the Ampora as he saw him turn dark again.
Horuss startled, went out of his thoughts to return his glance to him, reddened of more beautiful and lowered the eyes on the table while taking again a timid gulp of his drink. He finally sighed:
" ... I'm sorry Highblood. I really don't deserve your attention. I'm relying on you when before I was pushing you away. It's really hypocritical of me..."
He didn't miss Cronus' surprised look, which was quickly replaced by a strained smile before returning to normal:
"Well, if you want us to be even, you can always do me a favor."
Horuss raised his head to meet his gaze, hesitating a bit as to what to say before nodding cautiously:
"Sure...? Which one?"
Cronus pretended to think, but he clearly had an idea in the back of his mind. Eventually, he returned to a teasing smile:
"Stop calling me 'Highblood'. Call me Cronus! There's no cast system now.
- Oh, but... I... Are you sure? I'm afraid I'm being disrespectful, and then... don't you want to ask something else? More... important?
- But this is very important! I don't like when you call me that, it puts a distance between us. We can be friends without being in each other's quadrant, right?"
Even more surprised, Horuss remained silent for a few seconds, wondering if this was a joke. But Cronus didn't laugh despite his little smile, and that made him smile in turn:
"Of course it was! I didn't think you considered me a friend, but that's nice to hear."
It was Cronus' turn to be surprised:
" ... Why didn't I consider you a friend? We've known each other for a while now, and with everything we've been through, it's normal to feel close to each other, right?
- It's just that you don't seem to be close to many people, so... well, I mean..."
Horuss bit his tongue, blushing in shame this time, as he watched Cronus lose his smile again while his ears drooped and his shoulders slumped.
" ... I guess that's the case.
- N-No, Cronus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
Cronus gently shook his hand, forcing a poor smile:
"It's okay chief, don't worry. I shouldn't have gone ahead with this friendship thing.
- No no, please don't say that! I'm really glad we're friends!"
Horuss felt like he was sinking. Damn, Cronus was helping him, and he was thanking him like this!
"Let me make it up to you! I... I'll pay for the drinks!"
Cronus chuckled:
"Too late, I've already paid.
- So... let me buy you dinner!
- No no, I'm buying you dinner.
- What, no, it's me!
- I am! And you must accept, and only then will I forgive you!"
Horuss pouted, understanding that he once again had no choice, and maybe it was the mood, but he finally grumbled something he never thought he'd ever say:
"You're boring... !"
Before he froze dead in his tracks and clamped a hand over his mouth. He had just sworn. He had just insulted a high blood. Oh, for crying out loud... He was about to apologize, but Cronus beat him to it by bursting into a heartfelt, crystal-clear laugh that he had never heard from him before. Horuss stood stunned, watching his comrade with wide eyes.
"Ahahah, oh... whoa! Wow, you must really mean it to say that! Ahah!" Cronus articulated as best he could, struggling to stop his hilarity.
The blue blood didn't know what to answer, but slowly he felt won by this communicative laughter that he accompanied with pleasure, not caring about the other customers who looked at them.
They took the time to enjoy their drinks and to exchange a few more light words. Cronus asked him about his current projects, and Horuss didn't hide his enthusiasm as he described his inventions and their functionality, as well as how long it took him to complete them and how happy he was that they were going so well.
Yet Ampora interrupted him a few times, to ask for the definition of a word, or a further explanation of something he didn't understand. It was gratifying to see him so attentive and curious. Usually he talked to Rufioh, who didn't understand anything but tried to make good on it by answering "Ah I see". It was nice of his lover... shit, ex-lover - Horuss couldn't get used to it - not to want to interrupt him, but he preferred to be stopped to ask questions than to be listened to with a bored look.
The waiter returned to clear their empty glasses, and they took the opportunity to order a dish each and another drink. Cronus took the liberty of serving them water while they waited for their order, and Horuss thought he had said enough about himself. He tucked a lock of hair back behind his ear and asked with a small smile:
"What about you? What are you doing right now?"
Cronus looked at him again in deep astonishment, as if no one ever asked him the question, that no one was interested in his life. Horuss tried to ignore his twinge.
"Oh, uh... Um... Cronus cleared his throat to regain his composure. You know me chief, I do things here and there, I hang around, I meet people...
- How is the music going? Were you able to finish your last score?
- I- How did you- ?"
Horuss was afraid he had said something stupid:
"P-pardon, that's...? Since you haven't mentioned it since the party at Porrim's, I was curious?
- ... Did you remember that?"
And once again the blue blood felt a tug at his heart. It wasn't normal for someone to look at him like that just because he had remembered a simple detail. Cronus often spoke of his passion for music, his desire to compose and share his creations, and it wasn't nice to see him so surprised that someone remembered. It wasn't nice to realize that no one ever talked to him about it, that no one cared.
It wasn't pleasant to realize that the proud and haughty Cronus Ampora could have such a feverish look, such a trembling voice.
Cronus seemed to become aware of the image he was projecting, and once again he pulled himself together, flashing that arrogant smile he was so good at:
"Oh, my artist's soul is in turmoil right now, I've almost finished my new score but there are still a few details to polish! You..."
There was a short silence, a hesitation on Cronus' part, before he asked:
"...would you like to listen to it, in the future? ... If you want?"
Horuss didn't like his tone, or the look on his face, or the expression that seemed to say " I know you're going to say 'no' but at least I'll have tried. "
"Of course, I'd love to! " the blue blood had tried to sound enthusiastic - because he was - but the more things he realized, the more sad and guilty he felt.
Cronus opened his mouth wide, blinked, seemed to disbelieve it before his face beamed with joy:
"Really?! Finally, I- Cool, we'll set this up!"
He tried to control his excitement without really succeeding, happy as a kid who was given a present:
"When are you free? Where would you like to go?
- I don't have any plans today, or even in the next few days. We can go to your hive, so you don't have to move your stuff!
- Oh, yeah, yeah! Great chef, so good, so... this afternoon, after lunch?"
Cronus couldn't suppress his smile, he almost felt that it was too good, and his greatest fear was that this was all a joke, that Horuss would find an excuse at the last moment not to come. Yet Horuss supported his smile with sincerity:
"That's perfect, I can't wait!"
And words were weak to express how eager they both were.
The waiter returned, placed their order and left, leaving them in their own bubble again. Horuss tasted his food and almost purred:
"Mm! It's really delicious!
- Eheh, I'm so glad! This restaurant doesn't look like much, but I love to go there, they have dishes and drinks that stand out!
- I see that, we'll have to go back!"
Cronus swallowed hard, his face flushed:
"Let's go back... both of us?
- Yes, why not?
- Careful chief, I could take this for a date~"
Cronus winked at him, regaining that flirtatious attitude he was so fond of, and Horuss blushed in turn but laughed too:
"Ahah, would you be interested in a date with a guy like me?
- Of course, anyone would be!
- ... No, I don't think so, but it's nice of you to say so anyway."
The blue blood's smile faltered and he took another bite, but Cronus stopped him by coming back to take his hand in his, looking him straight in the eye:
"Horuss, I'm very serious. You have defaults, but you also have many qualities, and when you commit yourself to something you put your best foot forward, including relationships. Rufioh is really just a jerk for abandoning you like that."
The taller man bit his lip, restrained himself from looking away:
"I... I don't know. He must have his reasons for wanting to keep me away. I'm just... I've..."
He snapped and looked down:
" ... I'm not really smart, and I'm pretty naive, and I have a tendency to hide and dodge when things don't fit, and...
- I'll stop you right there. Not smart' you say? Chief, you invent super complex machines. Naive and fooling yourself? Everyone does it, especially when it comes to their matesprite. You and Rufioh are supposed to be red for each other, you shouldn't doubt, and now Rufioh does this to you? If it's not right between you but you didn't notice, why didn't he tell you? How can you know there's a problem if you're not told? No, I'm sorry but it's Rufioh who's at fault, not you!"
He squeezed his hand tighter:
"I would never have done that to you, Horuss. To lose a matesprite like you would be a waste."
Horuss was at a loss for words. He stammered something unintelligible, then shyly raised his embarrassed face:
" ... Cronus, would you... would you be red for me?"
He felt the hand of his interlocutor tightened, as the face of Cronus pallid before becoming completely red and his ears do not shake nervously, then he retorted in a voice much less confident:
"That's not the point chief! Rufioh doesn't deserve you and you don't have to cry for him, that's all!"
He withdrew his hand hastily and began to eat again, while Horuss continued to examine him in amazement, slowly assimilating the information. He wasn't dreaming, was he? Cronus' reaction, and that attempt to dodge the question... was that a confirmation of his doubts? Cronus Ampora, THE Cronus Ampora, was red for him?
" ... Don't look at me like that chief... Cronus begged, hiding part of his reddened face behind his hand.
- Ah, sorry!"
Horuss concentrated on the meal again and they continued to eat in an awkward silence. Awkward because Horuss now knew about Cronus' feelings, and Cronus knew that he knew. My god...
As agreed, the Ampora paid the bill, and they left the restaurant with the same uneasiness, hardly daring to exchange a few words and glances.
They took the road to Cronus' house, and he cleared his throat:
"So... are you free all day?
- Uh-huh, yeah, I guess so.
- Cool... that's... We can take our time. There's nothing worse than being in a hurry when you're playing music.
- There's nothing worse than being in a hurry at all, no matter what the activity.
- Ahah, yes, that's true."
They exchanged a small glance, and seeing each other's embarrassment, they chuckled and relaxed. Horuss huffed as he looked up at the sky, letting the wind caress his hair and lift his ponytail, not noticing Cronus's interested gaze following his facial features.
" ... It's been a while since I've eaten at a restaurant.
- Really? Rufioh didn't take you there?
- No. He doesn't like to go out much. He prefers quiet evenings in front of the TV, or playing games."
Horuss looked ahead, smiling piteously, feeling his eyes become moist again:
" ... I've never had any interest in his activities. I prefer things that require physical ability. Building things, destroying things, letting off steam... But I tried, you know? I tried to share his hobbies, watch anime and play games. But it's hard to concentrate fully. The first time you can do it because you want to please your partner, but after the fifth or sixth session you get tired, your mind can't concentrate completely..."
He bit his lip:
" ... But Rufioh never got angry. He... He felt guilty instead. He told me I didn't have to force myself, that it was nice of him to try, but that it was better for me to do something else than to waste my time with it. And..."
He hesitated, searched for his words, finally looking at Cronus and giving him a heartbreaking smile:
"...and I felt miserable. Really ... To not even be able to please my matesprite, for something so simple, and that he wasn't even angry with me..."
His laughter wasn't really a laugh.
"...it's certainly not the reason he left me, but...I think it contributes to it. It sums up our relationship really... our inability to talk when things aren't right. Him not wanting to hurt my feelings, and me forcing myself to smile as if everything was fine. Eventually we built up the little worries, and now it's come to this..."
Cronus couldn't think of anything really nice to say, so he stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked ahead in turn:
"... at least you're clear about it.
- ... lunch gave me a chance to think about it a little..."
They exchanged another look, more shy, hesitant. Cronus put out a hand, approached Horuss' hand but stopped his gesture, and his look seemed to beg for permission. The blue blood, his face flushed, smiled softly, and he crossed the small distance to link their hands, intertwining their fingers.
Cronus flinched slightly, moistened his lips, not knowing how to take the gesture. Horuss bit his tongue:
" ... I... It's probably not right to do that, I don't want to play with your feelings... It's just..."
The blue blood looked at the ground:
"It's just... now I'm not with Rufioh... and you're here, and you're showing me attention, and... and I have this stupid need to feel like, maybe, someone cares about me...? God, I'm sorry, I should just..."
He was about to pull away, but Cronus held his hand back, squeezed it tighter even, and pulled him a little so that their arms were touching as well, so that they were walking glued to each other:
"It's okay chief, he gave him a reassuring smile. I understand, and I wouldn't get any ideas. If it makes you feel better, I can give you all the attention you want. All we do is hold hands, it's just a little pale, nothing else."
Horuss wasn't completely sure, and again he looked at him hesitantly:
"...I don't want to hurt you ...
- You don't hurt me."
Cronus's smile widened and his ears twitched with joy:
"You agreed to have dinner with me, and now you come to listen to my music! I couldn't have had a better day, really! So even if it doesn't happen again, I'm really happy, so don't worry!"
And his happiness was once again contagious, tearing a wide smile from Horuss who nodded.
They arrived at the hive without any problems. Cronus immediately pulled his guest into the room, urging him to sit on the bed while he went to get his guitar. He settled down beside him, trying to keep a confident attitude despite the slight tremors in his hands:
"Well, I hope you're ready chief, you'll rarely hear anything this good!"
Horuss chuckled:
"I'm ready."
Cronus smiled at him - a nervous, incredibly cute smile - and took the time to strum the guitar a bit to warm up, also checking that it was in tune. He finally took a breath and began to play the melody he had been working on for weeks, which Horuss had only heard a brief sketch of a while ago.
The music filled the room, and Horuss was surprised by all the sweetness and tenderness of the notes. He hadn't expected this, not completely. Not something that would make him close his eyes, feel the melody penetrate him and embrace his heart. It was moving, almost suffocating, as if Cronus was passing in this song all the feelings he never expressed, this melancholy, this daily distress, this loneliness...
"Chief?"
Horuss didn't immediately realize that the song had stopped. He opened his eyes again, surprised to see blurred, to become aware that his eyes were stinging. He passed a hand over his face, to be more surprised at the touch of the tears that flowed silently, so quietly that he hadn't noticed them before.
"A-Ah, sorry, that's..."
Horuss lost his words, looked at his hand for a second more, then looked at Cronus, and his urge to cry came back, stronger, like a wave washing up against his soul. His face decomposed, he sniffed, and before he fully understood, he had come to embrace Ampora, to hold him close. Cronus, who had pushed aside his guitar in worry, hiccupped at the embrace and didn't respond right away, too surprised.
"... it's beautiful... Horuss murmured. This music... it's really, really beautiful..."
It wasn't so much the compliment as the emotionally charged voice that knotted Cronus' throat, that made him hug the other boy back, bury his face in his neck.
"...thank you chief..."
Huddled together, they didn't say another word and just enjoyed the warm hug. A hug that wasn't awkward, where they didn't think 'should I move away, is this too long?' They didn't care about the minutes that turned into hours, they just needed to feel that the other was there and wouldn't let go.
Horuss wondered how long it had been since he had been this good. How long had it been since contacts made him feel guilty, how long had he been angry at himself for being around too much for Rufioh. How long had it been since anyone had truly enjoyed his company.
Cronus liked his company, liked his touch. Maybe because he was lonely, maybe because he too needed to feel loved. And most of all... most of all...
Cronus was red for him.
Horuss flushed again against his comrade. He didn't think the feelings were mutual, not when his breakup with Rufioh was so recent, but knowing that someone was red for him warmed his heart in a sweet way.
" ... Cronus... ?
- Mm... ?
- Do you... Do you think we can...act like we're red...? Just... a little?"
Cronus' body tensed against him and Horuss almost immediately regretted asking. He took a step back, avoiding his gaze:
"Sorry, I didn't mean to... I just wanted to...
- It's okay chief."
Cronus's hand came to rest on his cheek, preventing him from moving further away, lifting his head to look him in the eye. There was a brief moment of hesitation, when they hesitated a little, then the Ampora dared to come closer and timidly, very gently, put his lips against his.
Horuss never thought he would be so inexperienced. His comrade was definitely not used to kissing someone, the blue blood wondered if it was not even the first time. It was weak, almost shaky, just their mouths against each other. Nothing like Rufioh, who mastered, controlled this kind of thing, who had so much experience that Horuss came to wonder if he hadn't cheated on him before.
And it was cute. Scarily adorable. Cronus Ampora, known for his constant flirting, found himself up against the wall when things got serious. Horuss felt a rush of tenderness seize him and he gently took control of the kiss, coming to run his tongue over his lips and eliciting a surprised squeak. He bit his lower lip as he returned to embrace his body, and it was only natural that Cronus opened his mouth, letting out a low whimper as their tongues met.
Horuss felt awkward, for although he was experienced, he was no longer used to taking the lead. He could hear the wet noises from their mouths, their breathing had quickened, and he didn't know if the loud heartbeat was coming from him or his friend.
He moved away just a little to catch his breath and watch Cronus do the same, his cheeks flushed and his eyes half closed.
Horuss smiles:
"How do you...?
- D-Do what...?
- How do you look so good?"
The Ampora looked at him in amazement as he swallowed hard, before pouting and getting outraged:
"Hey, these are my sentences!
- Ahah, not anymore!"
Horuss laughed heartily and Cronus could only smile, before flinching as he felt the Zahhak's hands slide over his hips and caress them.
"Chief...?
- ... You make me want to continue. Is it okay if... we kiss again?"
Horuss felt his throat knot up as he saw his comrade's reaction, as he saw him widen his eyes at his question as if, for the umpteenth time, he didn't dare believe what was happening, as if he couldn't believe that someone was really interested in him, that someone really wanted to continue touching him so intimately.
Cronus' nod was hasty, a mixture of fear and impatience, as if he was afraid that being too slow would cause Horuss to back out. But Horuss had no intention of running away like a thief, not when he could feel his affection for his comrade growing, growing to the point of awakening his protective instinct, his desire to care for and cherish the one who stood before him.
He had lost this instinct with Rufioh. The bronze blood had managed to pass for the 'dominant male', helped by his stature, his ease of bonding and speaking, giving directions. Yet Horuss was stronger than him, much stronger, and his place in the hierarchy should have allowed him to give orders. But this reversal of power was so exhilarating at first, this idea that someone so low in the hemospectrum, someone so hot-blooded, someone who seemed far more confident and free than he was, was controlling him, protecting him...
But at that moment, it was Cronus who was in his arms. Cronus who had a colder blood than his, who was much less burning than Rufioh. Cronus who, in spite of his obvious lack of experience, didn't hesitate to cling to him and to look at him with a pleading look, this look which meant that he still wanted more even if it meant making a fool of himself. He wasn't like Rufioh who was a master in the art of giving pleasure to others, but who interrupted each time with "Are you sure of yourself? Do you want to continue? Am I doing it right?" These concerns were cute at first, but they became heavily repetitive, and again Horuss realized that it was probably done on purpose, to annoy him and push him to break off himself.
The blue blood smothered his bitter thoughts in another kiss, coming back to claim the musician's mouth and tease his tongue, drawing out another little noise that he called "adorable". He tried, obviously, to remain soft in his touch, because in spite of his gloves which had to decrease his force, he knew that he remained able to wound somebody, and it was well the last thing that he wished, especially when he felt Cronus melting against him, moaning piteously, the closed eyes.
He didn't know what was cuter. Cronus's muffled moans, his trembling body, his twitching ears, or his clumsy attempt to respond to the kiss.
Again they separated. The Ampora kept his eyes closed, struggling to catch his breath this time, his body feverishly ready to collapse. Horuss was captivated by it, devouring the purple blood with fascination and benevolence. How could he not be moved by seeing him in such a state after only two kisses? Was this the image of a still innocent person? He suspected that Cronus' mind wasn't pure, but physically he was so delicate, so sensitive. Horuss remembered being like that at first, so hesitant and awkward, before Rufioh taught him and got him used to it, so much so that sex became just a daily, common act, something almost boring...
He had a tender smile, one of his hands left his hips to gently caress his cheek, and once again his gesture surprised Cronus who looked at him with amazement and hesitation.
" ... Was that... was that good... ?" the Highblood asked weakly.
So strange to have someone who was superior to him ask him that kind of thing... But as he had said earlier, the hierarchy between them no longer existed, they were equals, as unsettling as that was. Horuss laughed lightly, relaxed:
"That was perfect."
He kissed his cheek, his hand leaving his face and going into his hair. Cronus shuddered at his caresses, gasped a little, so unused to being touched with such delicacy. Horuss continued to kiss him, on the cheekbone, then on the edge of the lips, on the chin, going down to the hollow of his neck, brushing his gills... A hand was always posed on his hip, while the other continued its caresses in his hair and approached the horns, to seize the base of it with care, as if it were glass to be cherished.
Cronus' moan was a delight to his ears as he felt his whole body go limp and ground against his. Horuss held him against him, against his chest, stopping kissing him to linger on his horns, continuing to caress them with his fingertips.
Soon, a soft purr rose from Cronus's throat... and Cronus abruptly stood up, nearly headbutting the blue blood:
"WHAT-?!" the Ampora looked stunned, eyes and mouth wide open, coming to feel his throat with confusion.
Horuss stood dumbfounded at his reaction, leaving his hands hanging :
" ... Cronus... ? Is everything alright?
- ... I... yes? But I... I made a very... very... weird?"
It was the blue blood's turn to be completely taken aback:
" ... No, it's a whirring sound. That's what trolls do when they're..."
Horuss' voice died:
"...at ease..."
A new realization that made him blush, making him realize what it implied, while Cronus' face turned as pale as his own, shame settling over his features. He must have felt pathetic, revealing such a weakness to someone else again.
Horuss didn't give his time to panic further and came to take his face in his hands, offering him a frown but a very gentle voice:
"I'll make sure you purr again. As often as necessary."
Cronus swallowed, speechless at this statement, placing his hands on his wrists, shaking a little. He was obviously searching for his words, and seeing him so upset made Horuss want to kiss him again, but he held back.
" ... It's ... still for the role-playing ... ? To say something so ... so red?"
Horuss blinked in astonishment, before becoming annoyed:
"No. I'm perfectly serious."
He rested his forehead against his:
"I honestly don't know if I'm red for you, because my relationship with Rufioh is too new. But I want to make you feel good. I want to make you feel good."
He hesitated a little, moistened his lips as he found the courage to add:
"... I never thought I'd say this but... couldn't we put the quadrants aside...?
- ... Like humans?"
Cronus' eyes had brightened, and Horuss remembered that yes, his friend was passionate about humans, that he wished he were like them. So he smiled at him:
"Yes, like humans.
- Not worrying about making things pale or red? Just... act as it comes?
- Yes, without implying any specific relationship, except that we are close.
- ... we are close?"
Horuss smiled at him and cracked, returning to take a chaste kiss from him:
"Yes. We are close."
Again he could taste the crystalline laughter of the sea-dweller, and it delighted him. Cronus seemed to be on cloud nine, his eyes sparkling and his lips smiling, his face flushed and his body relaxed. Horuss thought that he would never be able to get rid of this image, which was surely the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
They cuddled for a while, alternating caresses and kisses, until they were forced to pull themselves off the bed when, as a result of their movement, the guitar fell off the bed. This caused Horuss to panic and immediately feel guilty, while Cronus laughed and reassured him that it was no big deal, that the guitar was only slightly scratched. Horuss felt no less guilty and asked to be reimbursed, so the purple blood jumped at the chance and asked him to stay with him until the evening, to share a dinner.
Horuss could only go from good surprise to good surprise, as the sea-dweller pulled him into his kitchen and asked him what he wanted to eat. It was fun to be able to argue with someone about what to cook, instead of just being told to "do what you want". So they brainstormed a complete menu, appetizer, main course and dessert, bickering about their differences in taste.
When they reached an agreement, they cooked together. Again, something unusual for both of them. But it was fun to try to coordinate, despite the misunderstandings ("80° oven? I thought you said 180°!") or the clumsiness (their hair was sticky with sauce or cream, and the clothes were not leftover).
The afternoon passed with laughter and a few shouts. They put the appetizer and dessert in the fridge and left the dish in the oven turned off to keep it warm. Satisfied, they breathed a long sigh of relief, then exchanged glances and laughed even more at their condition.
"My shower is ready for use! " exclaimed Cronus before making an exaggerated bow. " Honor to the guests."
Horuss laughed and curtsied in turn:
"I wouln't, O highblood. It is the host who must wash first!
- Don't tempt me dear blue blood, I'm about to offer you a shower together~"
Cronus grinned mischievously as the Zahhak flushed, but quickly rebounded with a smile:
"And I'm this close to agreeing."
This time Cronus choked, his ears twitching as he blushed:
"What, really?
- I'm half serious."
But Horuss felt so comfortable in his presence, and they had already left social codes behind ... so he allowed himself to move closer and kissed him on the cheek, his voice now teasing:
"We didn't put a boundary between us after all."
He smiled more gently:
"But I don't want to force you into anything. However, if we don't shower together, I want you to be the first to go."
Cronus looked at him, then at the floor, and then back at him before glancing toward the work surface. He was so nervous that once again, Horuss felt his heart melt. Then finally, the purple blood straightened up, regaining that proud and confident attitude:
"Alright, let's shower together then! I just hope my body doesn't intimidate you too much!"
But of the two of them, it was indeed the Ampora who seemed the most anxious at the idea of undressing. He was tense until they reached the shower room, and once there he put his back to Horuss and slowly removed his clothes. The blue-blood said nothing about it and even looked away to give him privacy, undressing in turn with more tranquility. One of the positive things he retained from his previous relationship was that Rufioh had known how to make him love his body, at least enough not to be ashamed to show it anymore.
Horuss was well built, tall and muscular, he didn't envy anything to the others physically, he accepted himself as he was, mainly because he couldn't change much anyway, and especially that his body suited him for any physical activity. However, what made him hesitate was to remove his gloves. But he knew from experience that soaking them wouldn't be pleasant, so he took them off with all the delicacy in the world, and didn't dare touch anything else afterwards.
He waited until Cronus was completely naked and slipped into the shower first. Horuss followed him in, staying behind his back, being able to watch him at will without the other noticing him, even though he had to feel his gaze on him. This simple idea made the blue blood blush again and he stared at the tiled wall instead.
The water flowed, at an average temperature, though Horuss couldn't be completely sure. He was a little too far away to be under the stream of water :
"Shy?" asked Cronus with amusement.
Horuss smiled awkwardly:
" ... I'm afraid of hurting you, or breaking something. I don't have my gloves..."
The sea troll turned his head towards him, and one would have thought he was at ease if he didn't make every effort not to look at Horuss' body and focus only on his face, his cheekbones completely purple with embarrassment:
"I'm not made of sugar, come closer.
- I'd rather not, I really don't trust my strength control."
Cronus grinned and moved closer to himself:
"You don't need to touch me, I'll do it for you~"
He came to embrace him, looking teasing, wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him toward the water. Horuss shuddered at the touch of the spray, keeping his own arms at his side, not even daring to move his soaked locks from his face. He didn't need to, Cronus took care of it for him, ceasing to wrap his arms around him to slide his hands and pull his hair back, before continuing to his ponytail, which he undid, letting go of the blue blood's hair completely.
"...whoa." the whisper of Cronus came from his heart, and his look of wonder made Horuss swallow.
The blue blood may not have been ashamed of his appearance, but he wasn't comfortable with being admired. So he looked away, feeling his face heat up a little more. Cronus put his hands on his cheeks and continued to look at him:
"The loose hair really suits you.
- I... T-Thank you..."
He kept tying them up, mostly out of necessity so as not to be embarrassed. But at that moment, the heat that came over him made him think that maybe he could let it down more often, at least when he wasn't doing something that forced him to have optimal vision.
Horuss dared to look at him again, moistening his lips as he took the time to clearly observe him, to watch his hair -usually neatly combed back- fall back from the water.
"I also like... seeing you with your hair like this. Natural."
Horuss grinned more awkwardly than he would have liked, but it was enough. Cronus was ecstatic, and he proved it by coming over and kissing him, with a little more confidence than before.
The next few days were strange, to say the least, Horuss wouldn't hide it. He supposed he was experiencing what every person goes through after a breakup: conflicting feelings, in bulk. A flood of conflicting emotions that had fun tormenting him at inopportune moments.
He had returned to his hive, resumed his activities, carrying out his usual routine: locking himself up in his lab for long hours to work, coming out to do some chores -although, to tell the truth, taking care of the laundry, the housework or the cooking didn't bother him much, it allowed him to think quietly away from his machines - and then he spent some time in the garden to enjoy the sun - it was so strange, to be able to be outside in the middle of the day, he hadn't fully got used to it...
But at times he had this stupid reflex. This reflex to look at Trollian in the morning, to say good morning to Rufioh, and remember that he wasn't supposed to do that anymore. This reflex to take a picture of one of his dishes, but refrain from sending said picture, because once again Rufioh didn't have to receive them anymore. That reflex to want to call as he took a break, to hear the warm voice of his former matesprite, before freezing in front of the screen and biting his tongue, repeating to himself, for the umpteenth time, that NO, he didn't have to do this anymore. He couldn't do this anymore. He didn't have the right.
Then, for a moment, he felt empty. An emptiness of a few minutes, where he looked at a vague point without any thought really taking shape in his mind. And after the emptiness came the pain, the sadness, that laughable emotion that knotted his throat, before being overtaken by anger. Horuss still didn't know how he hadn't broken his phone in his rage.
With the anger came frustration, that blocked feeling that he couldn't release on a physical outlet.
He didn't know what caused him to snap on the third or fourth morning. To send that " Good morning! " that he so wanted to share when he woke up. The sun was just rising as he lay on his back in the human bed he was still trying to get used to. His hands had tapped on the keyboard, clicked 'send' and then there was nothing for the next few seconds... until a reply appeared, so quickly that he was left speechless, before a wide smile took place on his lips, Cronus' purple handwriting warming his bruised heart.
He had already sent a few messages to Cronus, they had been talking a bit more since their last meeting. But this time, it felt so precious. So precious to share with him that morning "Good morning" that he had previously reserved only for Rufioh. And where his ex would have answered him a " Hi Doll " Cronus replied with a " Hi Chief! What's up? Sleep well? "
So much consideration as soon as he woke up. Horuss felt himself wriggling. It was so silly, to feel so happy just for that. But he had gotten used to provoking discussions, to being the one to ask the questions, where Rufioh usually let the discussion die. But Cronus would come and question him on his own.
That was the difference between the two trolls. Rufioh took the lead physically, he knew how to kiss, how to make love, how to drive his lovers crazy, but he got lost in the discussions, became awkward when it was necessary to share passions or emotions, became anxious when there were sentimental problems. Cronus, on the other hand, knew how to talk, knew how to exchange, knew how to find the words to put the interlocutor at ease, even if he often ended up falling into the role of a heavy flirt who annoyed others. Physically he was feverish, unsure of himself, inexperienced. He tried to do the thing, to lead the kisses, but was quickly submerged.
Horuss became aware that he was lost in thought when a second message from Cronus reached him: " Wrong addressee? It's not a problem chief, I understand that your subconscious is leading you to me :p "
The blue blood tensed. Cronus was acting in a humorous way, but somewhere he thought that there was something more serious behind this message. A 'recipient error'? Did Cronus really think that he had made a mistake, and that he was no longer answering because he was ashamed to admit it?
He wrote to clarify the situation: "No no, there is no mistake! I apologize, I was caught in my thoughts." Then he hesitated before adding, wishing to be honest "I am not used to being encouraged to talk. Usually, Rufioh would wait until I questioned him to do the same, probably out of politeness."
Cronus' response was quick: " Because I'm really interested in how you're doing, nothing to do with politeness " and another message came: " Are you okay? Have you heard from Rufioh? "
Horuss took advantage of being alone to allow himself a long sigh. He searched for his words, typed feverishly " I keep looking at my screen wishing I could send him a message or call him " He sent the message, immediately wrote another one " Then I realize how stupid this is and I go back to my activities "
Cronus reacted as soon as he finished writing " Chief, you really shouldn't bother with this. I know, it's easier said than done, but this guy doesn't deserve you. He really doesn't. You're telling me he wasn't even engaging in conversation on his own, except to be polite! ". Horuss bit his lip, but didn't have time to answer when he added: " You shouldn't ignore your desire, if you want to talk to him but don't dare to, you'll explode . "
Horuss typed again: " That's why I sent you a message " He felt so cruel, so horrible to say it like that, so guilty to have had even the idea to replace Rufioh with him, because Cronus didn't deserve to be a simple substitute. " I'm sorry, I'm so used to our morning hellos, even though it probably never meant anything to him, and you've been so nice to me, so I wanted to send you a message instead " He closed his eyes as he felt his throat knot up again, then opened them again to type " I'm really sorry Cronus, I'm taking advantage of your red feelings, I'll stop here "
But Cronus retorted, " NO " and another " NO NO NO! " followed by a " HORUSS STOP " and the sequence of the three messages was so fast that Horuss had to blink, confused, feeling all the panic of his friend behind. He straightened up, puzzled, as he saw Cronus type another message, probably longer since he took a little time before sending it: " We agreed, no question of quadrant between us, no limit, just good times. There is no question of abusing each other's feelings, we both know where we stand. You still love Rufioh, that's obvious, and you have to come to terms with this breakup, and it's hard and it's obviously going to take time. I'm well aware that you don't love me the way I love you, I've come to terms with it, really, I have nothing against that, and I'm the one who should apologize for taking advantage of your weakness to let my red feelings slip through. But don't feel guilty, you're in a bad place and if you need support, I'm here, and you know it, and I'll be glad if you call me when you're not well, or even when you are, and if you want we can go out again in the future, like we said, back to the restaurant and share a meal! "
Horuss was only aware that he had tears in his eyes when he saw blur. He ran a hand over his face, sniffed a little, but it already seemed too late. He didn't think much of it when he wrote, " Can I call you? "
Cronus' answer was immediate: " All the time. "
He dialed the number, Cronus picked up on the first ring.
"Hey..." Horuss began, but his voice broke at once, and a terrible sob cut him off.
He couldn't get a word in edgewise, and his feeble attempt ended in a fit of tears. He dropped his phone on the mattress, fearing it would break between his fingers, and lay down to curl into a ball and sob, his head close to the device to watch for Cronus' words. But all he heard was soft, "It's going to be okay," breathed out by the purple blood.
"I-I'm sorry... stammered Horuss between sobs. I'm so sorry, ugh- I-I...
- It's okay, chief. It's okay, it's okay."
And Cronus may have spoken softly, but there was a certain firmness in his voice, a total lack of hesitation, of stuttering. He would say it was okay, that it wasn't serious, and Horuss believed him. He knew he wasn't lying to him, that he wasn't just trying to say what he wanted to hear. Cronus was telling him that it was okay to cry, that he didn't mind listening, and he was telling the truth, Horuss could feel how sincere he was.
This made him cry more.
The minutes passed, lulled by his sniffles, his miserable sobs, which he tried to stifle by burying his face in his pillow. After what seemed like an eternity, he managed to regain his composure, breathing in and out to slow down his heartbeat.
"... sorry Cronus..." he breathed, his voice hoarse from the crisis.
He perceived a smile in the voice of the other when he replied:
"Hey, it's okay, really. No need to apologize."
He was so gentle, so patient. Horuss sniffled but felt good, really good. As if crying had freed him from a heavy weight. He didn't move, just lay there with his cell phone beside him. He remained silent and mentally thanked Cronus for doing the same, giving him the time to put his ideas back in place, to regain self-control.
The smile of Horuss was thin but sincere:
"Thanks... That's better...
- Good, chief. Never hesitate to call me.
- I'll remember."
Another silence, very quiet, soft. Horuss opened his mouth again:
"...is it okay if I send you more messages during the day? And pictures?
- Of course.
- Even if... It's a habit I had with Rufioh?
- Horuss, really, it's okay. You can send me messages, pictures, call me... On the contrary it makes me happy, really happy. I prefer that than a long silence that will worry me. Okay?"
Horuss laughed softly:
"Okay."
And it was reassuring, to feel that someone was there, that someone wanted him. That someone cared enough to listen to him cry for long minutes without judging him. That someone accepted him, no matter how miserable he was.
They only exchanged a few words before they said goodbye and hung up, but Horuss knew that the rest of his day would be good. He would have so much to tell Cronus!
They had returned to the restaurant when something unexpected happened. A few more days had passed, punctuated by the messages and calls that our two trolls exchanged. They woke up with good mornings and went to bed with their good nights, spending the day keeping each other updated on their activities. Cronus was finishing his score, although he said "a song is never really finished" and Horuss was letting his imagination guide him in the elaboration of more and more sophisticated robots.
They hadn't yet had the opportunity to meet again, they hadn't felt the urgency. Then, during a conversation, Cronus had suggested that he had to go shopping because he had nothing left to cook, and Horuss had offered to pay for the meal. It came naturally, and despite Cronus' astonishment, the sailor had quickly found an open joy and accepted.
So they returned to the restaurant, once again taking a table out of the way to be alone with each other. Horuss had hesitated, before presenting himself with his hair down and abandoning his work glasses. Cronus hadn't said anything, but his gaze had lingered long enough to show his interest, a sparkling gleam in his eyes.
If they had each been apprehensive about their reunion, they had quickly returned to the pleasant atmosphere they had created between them, chatting as they did on the phone, or as they had done at their last meeting.
Then their phones had vibrated simultaneously, interrupting them in the middle of the main course.
It was a message from Meenah, on the group chat featuring all the Alpha Trolls: " Hey, you'll never guess what I stumbled upon! "
They exchanged a skeptical look, though not really alarmed. Their comrades must also not have been more interested since no one answered right away. It was Aranea who had the courtesy to react and ask: " What did you find? "
Meenah answered immediately, visibly excited: " Something incredible! What seems most unlikely to you? " She didn't let anyone make a suggestion -no one was going to make one anyway- and immediately added, " Answer in a thousand: someone decided to support Cronus! "
A photo appeared following this message, and neither Cronus nor Horuss knew how to react. It was indeed them in the photo, in their current position, that is, facing each other in the restaurant. The photo was taken from the outside, from quite a distance since they were at the back of the room, but the angle and zoom put them in front, at a moment when they were sharing a laugh.
Horuss turned his head, surprised to actually see Meenah in front of the restaurant, with a wide smile. The kind of mocking smile, as she stared at them, as if watching for their reaction. The blue blood frowned slightly, disturbed by this attitude that he found inappropriate and intrusive. He was about to tell Cronus... but froze when he saw him with his head down and his ears lowered. The purple blood seemed to want to curl up and hide from the rest of the world.
Horuss realized that the messages had continued to pour in to the group, their friends reacting to the photo. A long monologue from Kankri was taking up space and while Horuss didn't read everything, he did catch a few phrases such as " Horuss, you're very sweet but don't force yourself to go out with him, showing pity won't get him anywhere" and "I know your break from Rufioh must be painful, but by talking to each other you will find a solution" followed by "And if you don't know what to do with your relationships anymore, remember that dating isn't an accomplishment in itself, you can live without forcing yourself to have a matesprite "
Cronus was no longer reading messages, his cell phone was still on the conversation but he was running away from the screen with his eyes, staring at his half empty plate. Horuss noticed, his stomach tightened, and he was about to say something but his eyes were drawn to Meulin's green writing.
His moirail had entered the flow of conversation, " Rufioh and Horuss are taking a break? "
Porrim interjected, " Yes, it must have been a week. Hasn't Horuss filled you in? "
The blue blood saw that he had a notification from Meulin in their private conversation. Swallowing the annoyance that was beginning to rise from his heart to knot his throat, he read the message... and this time, yes this time, a slight crack sounded. The shell of his phone had just cracked, just a little.
Meulin had sent him, " You don't have to be afraid to come talk to me Horuss, I don't mind helping you with Rufioh. "
He gritted his teeth. Cronus's worried voice called out:
"Ho-Horuss?"
The blue blood turned his attention back to him, to see the terrified glint in his eye. Cronus looked completely bewildered, not even trying to defend himself from their friends, but looking at him with palpable hesitation and concern. He had also raised his hand in his direction, but left his gesture in abeyance as if for fear of touching him, of making an inappropriate gesture.
Horuss couldn't manage a reassuring smile. The muscles in his face didn't know how to pretend anymore. Instead, he dared to make the gesture and took Cronus' hand in his own:
"It's all right."
Cronus gasped, looked feverishly at their hands, then at Horuss' face.
The blue blood continued to hold him as with his free hand he came to write on the group's message board, " My relationship with Rufioh is only between me and Rufioh, just as my relationship with Cronus is only between me and Cronus. I am no longer with Rufioh, I don't have to answer to him, I don't have to answer to you either. Cronus is far more pleasant company than that of an intrusive and ill-bred heiress who amuses herself by publicly belittling her comrades. If I had wanted any comment or advice on my quadrant relationships, I would have come forward. As it happens, however, I didn't beg for your help because I don't want it. "
He sent his message, surprising himself by writing almost as much as Kankri could, but didn't dwell on it further as he added curtly, " And Meulin, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your hypocrisy to yourself, because as nice as you are, we both know that our moiraillegency is nothing but a series of failures. The few times I've dared to talk to you about my problems, you've only encouraged me to keep a fake smile. What has that done for me, except to deny myself even more? Not to mention that you never talk to me. We're barely friends, so let's stop calling each other Moirails. "
Then after that second message, he still felt the need to let go of everything, because he had enough. Enough of his classmates indulging in public comments as if they knew better than he did how to react, " Actually I would appreciate it if you all would show some respect for my privacy. I am not a quadrant master, and neither are you. I don't need to be mothered, least of all when I'm feeling good and have found someone to have a good time with. Cronus and I have done nothing wrong. In fact, I rather wish you would have stepped in when I was covering my face and Rufioh was cheating on me, rather than come and spit on Cronus who has the decency to take care of me and doesn't make me smile if I don't feel like it. "
And he felt sarcastic when he added, " Bon appetit " before turning off his phone.
He looked at Cronus, who was reading his messages with wide eyes. He gave him time, without turning back to the window once. Meenah certainly didn't deserve his attention.
Cronus ended up having a strangled, nervous laugh. He put his phone down shakily, without looking at Horuss, and ran a hand over his face:
" ... W-Whoua..."
Another feverish laugh:
" ... I don't know what to say, you... I didn't think you would say all that...? That you meant all that...?
- I hope that put them in their place. I think being on equal footing gave them too much confidence about making fun of us.
- ... It was making fun of me. They are worried about you..."
Horuss frowned:
"They're not worried. If they were worried, they would have said so in private and not on the group. If they were worried, they would have bothered to take my point of view into account before asserting ... bullshit."
If Cronus was surprised at the rudeness, Horuss didn't give him time to point it out:
"And they're encouraging me to go back to Rufioh when he's the one who left me, when he's the one who cheated on me repeatedly, when he's the one who sought to run away from me and hurt me."
He finally managed to smile when the purple blood finally looked at him:
"And I refuse to let them make fun of you. They've done it too much, and now that I'm aware of it I don't want to stand by anymore. I want to protect you."
Cronus' blush was a delight to the eye. Horuss gave him a tender look, and not caring if Meenah was still there or not, he leaned over and took hold of his new companion's lips.
Meenah was there, and she hadn't missed the opportunity to take another picture. But honestly, Horuss didn't care anymore. He had quickly seen the shot passed around on the group chat, depicting him kissing Cronus, and he was only slightly proud of it in the end. So was Cronus, who had rushed to save the photo, his ears twitching with joy.
Neither of them had bothered to read their friends' comments, if they could still say 'friends'. They had finished the meal, gone to the Cronus hive and let themselves be rocked in bed, glued together, abandoning their phones out of sight.
They had, of course, not considered cutting off points with anyone. They simply preferred to enjoy their moment together and let the others think. With luck, maybe they would come and apologize on their own? Or maybe Horuss' outburst had created a breach that couldn't be repaired.
They got their answer the next day, at breakfast, when they bothered to get their phones.
" ... Wow, I've never had so many messages. Private, I mean," said Cronus.
Horuss wasn't to be outdone, looking at his own voicemail with wide eyes, and slight apprehension as well.
Cronus sat down next to his companion so they could have a view of both their screens. They each had a message from Meulin.
To Horuss: " I'm sorry I was such a bad moirail. You're right, our relationship wasn't working, and I'm sorry I kept insisting that I was your moirail. But maybe we should have discussed it. I was being silly, but... for you to say such things to me about the public group, it really hurt. Especially the part about us not being friends. I thought we could at least give each other that title, even if we're not always together. "
To Cronus: " You seem to know Horuss a little better than I do, if only because he's showing you sides of him that I haven't been able to see and accept. I count on you to take care of him. If I find out that you have done him any harm, I will personally take care of you. I'll take care of you personally. "
Cronus didn't take offense, quite the opposite. However, he gave Horuss a worried look, who was rereading his own message with a dull, sad look. He ran a hand over his face, then through his hair, which he had kept loose:
" ... She's right... I was terrible yesterday. Too hard on her.
- ... A little, but you needed to let it out, Cronus reassured him. Send her a message, I'm sure it'll be fine."
Horuss nodded and typed a reply, " Hello Meulin. You're right, I'm sorry about yesterday, I should have answered you privately and kept a cool head. I should have answered you privately and kept a cool head, but seeing everyone commenting on me while I was having a good time made me feel bad. I consider you a good friend and I hope you can forgive my outburst. "
She replied with surprising speed, " Of course I forgive you, just like I hope you forgive me for Rufioh, I shouldn't have pushed you into his arms like that. I could see that something was wrong, but you were so in love, I wanted your relationship to work... And I hope you'll forgive me for my advice. Smiling seemed to me to be the best way to be positive. I didn't want it to become too much of a strain to bear. "
Cronus allowed himself to read their discussion, and came over to rub Horuss' back gently:
"She had some nice touches, but I'm glad you're not forcing yourself to smile anymore.
- I'm glad too, I was tired of feeling like... you know...
- ... wearing a mask?
- Yes. Although I understand the usefulness of smiling in certain ways. Like... well... like you when you smile at me, so I don't have to worry."
Cronus flushed:
"W-what, no I-"
Horuss laughed softly:
"If you try to lie to me, I'll know~"
The sailor pouted falsely, but at least it eased the tension.
Their second messages came from Kankri.
To Horuss : " It was never a question of mothering you, but I understand that I went too far. I reacted too quickly -as usual, I know it's one of my faults- and I didn't wait to let you express yourself before lecturing you, and once again I apologize. Nevertheless, I find it surprising that you bounce back to another relationship so quickly, but as you said, this only concerns you and your companion, I don't have to lecture you, and I know that I do it too often. I will however beg you to have a talk with Meulin, I think that even if you had reason to be angry, you went too far with her. "
To Cronus: " I don't know where to begin. I'm sorry, I realize that my words were a real insult to you. You are desperately looking for quadrants, that has always annoyed me, and I naturally convinced myself that no one would want you. But I am wrong, of course. Cronus, you have a lot of faults but you also have qualities, and after seeing the pictures of you and Horuss, I realize how happy you look on them, and I feel bad for having been so dismissive of you. Especially after chatting with you so many times, when you go out of your way not to hit on me as heavily as others. I'm really sorry. "
Horuss noticed Cronus' sparkling gaze, the wriggling of his fins:
"It's strange how pale your relationship seems.
- Argh, don't tell Kankri, he'd throw a fit that he doesn't want me in his quadrants!"
But the sailor laughed heartily, really happy, and replied a positive answer to Kankri, like he wasn't mad at him and was glad he understood. As he wrote, he naturally came to rest his head against Horuss's shoulder, as Horuss hugged his waist without restricting his movements.
" ... It's so strange... Cronus gasped. All of this, their messages, and what happened yesterday... it's really, how shall I say... official?"
He grinned shyly and Horuss blushed:
"It's true. Like they're giving us their blessing.
- Do we have to explain to them that we're... mm... not really a quadrant?
- ... but we're just like, aren't we?
- I guess... ? "
They exchanged an awkward, slightly hesitant but eager look.
"... what word do humans use? asked Horuss, nervously tossing a lock of hair back into place.
- Oh, um... they have several, depending on the stage of the relationship. 'Boyfriend' when it starts, 'fiancé' when they want to commit, and 'spouse' when they swear eternal love and fidelity."
There was another silence, where they both looked away. Horuss stroked his companion's hip, drawing a soft shiver, while Cronus cleared his throat, trying to recompose his confident demeanor. He straightened up to face the blue blood, forcing a flirtatious smile though in truth he was dying of embarrassment inside:
"H-Hey Chief... he coughed to hide his stammer. So, what do you say? Would you be willing to be the 'boyfriend' of a sailor like me?"
Horuss looked at him, smiling back, with that tenderness he felt whenever Cronus proved too adorable for his own good - and it was happening more and more often, he supposed.
"It would be an honor."
And they both felt so silly, looking into each other's eyes with their faces burning, all for a few words. Cronus kept his head up, but his ears betrayed his nervousness, just as Horuss felt the sweat building up in his neck. They exchanged an indecisive smile, moved a little closer, and just as their lips were about to touch, Horuss chuckled:
"You're cute.
- I am not cute, I am sexy, charming! An object of desire, a rape call!"
Horuss ran a hand through the sailor's hair, which he then slid gently to his ear, coming to caress it with more care than he had done so far, suspecting that it was a more fragile place than the rest of his body. He perceived the shivering of Cronus, who didn't move away but, instead, closed his eyes and rubbed against his hand, purring.
"I could never rape you, Horuss assured him. I don't want to hurt you. But... indeed, you are quite desirable~"
The purple blood gave a small squeak as he looked at him with embarrassment:
" ... You mean it...? I mean, yes, of course I am!"
Horuss tried not to pout. He really didn't like it when Cronus had such low self-esteem, which he hid behind a false pride. This was again quite different from Rufioh, who knew how handsome and attractive he was, he was told enough that he didn't even deign to respond with a ' thank you ' but simply with a smile that meant ' I know '.
Cronus had a false pride, and Rufioh a false modesty.
Taken of a dash of possessiveness, Horuss drew his comrade on his knees. Surprised, Cronus didn't hide his confusion and clung to his shoulders not to fall, but quickly found a playful smile despite his crimson face:
"To what do I owe this gesture chief? Do you want a hug?"
Horuss chuckled:
"Yes. A hug and a kiss."
Cronus grinned shyly and granted his request, coming to kiss him gently at first before deepening with some impatience, his ears twitching with contentment. The blue blood closed his eyes as he embraced her, taking advantage of Cronus' clumsy attempt to control the kiss. Horuss was patient enough to let him, not wanting to dominate him against his will.
In the past, Rufioh had hated letting him dominate.
He grunted. This made Cronus recoil:
"Is everything okay?
- ... Yes. It's just...
- Just...?"
Horuss sighed, looking away with some discomfort :
" ... I was thinking that I should stop comparing you to Rufioh. Whenever I notice something about you, I can't help but think that 'Rufioh was quite the opposite'."
Cronus tensed:
"...and...is that a bad thing?
- What? No, no no! I loved Rufioh for many things, but that's not why I'm looking for someone similar to him, on the contrary!
- And... what were you comparing right now? Our kisses?"
Horuss flushed, letting go of him to play nervously with his fingers:
"...um...among other things."
The purple blood sighed:
" ... I'm not as good a kisser, am I?
- More awkwardly, but that's not a bad thing.
- He has more experience than I do, necessarily."
Horuss was surprised at Cronus's cold voice, and when he dared to look at him again he found that his companion was staring bitterly at the ground:
"That bastard has had time to test, he's soooo popular. He sure is the opposite of a stupid Ampora unable to fill his quadrants, huh?"
The blue blood didn't know what to say to that. He tried piteously:
"It's not a bad thing to lack experience, it's...
- Is it 'cute'? If it is, then it's worse than anything! I'm not cute, I don't want to be!
- But... Why? It's a compliment, I'm not trying to insult you or...
- I do NOT want to be cute! I..."
Cronus bit his tongue as he crossed his arms, cowering a little:
"...this isn't the image I want to portray..."
Horuss opened his eyes wide. Again he didn't know what to say, but he knew what he wanted to do. He raised his hands to cup Cronus's face and kiss his forehead, then his temple and his cheek:
"...you're not always 'cute'... he breathed. Sure, you are when you're clumsy, but when you hold me to comfort me, you're reassuring... and when you play music, you're classy!... and when you flirt, you're sexy."
He saw Cronus' face take on a lovely purple hue.
... you really think so? asked the sailor.
- Yes, I do.
- ... and when I complain like now, I'm pitiful...?
- Surely not. Not in my eyes. You're touching, I want to console you."
He pushed him to look at him, giving him a little clumsy pout :
"...I want to give you confidence like you manage to do with me. I... I don't want to make the same mistake I made with Rufioh. I want to communicate, I don't want to ignore the problems anymore. It's easier with you, you open up more easily, you don't constantly smile and pretend that everything is always okay."
Cronus smiled amusedly:
"No, I'm more of a drama queen who goes on about all his problems.
- Ahah, but are you seriously doing it?
- mm... no, I'm not. It's more of a way to get attention."
The sailor confessed in a shrug, embarrassed:
"It's just... nicer to have attention, even bad attention, than to be alone.
- ... bad?
- Shouting, sometimes hitting."
Horuss vaguely remembered that yes, Cronus' flirtatious tactics had been rebuffed in such a way. But he remembered a time with Damara, and perhaps Porrim. Now, the way Cronus said it implied that this had happened frequently.
Cronus massaged the back of his neck, his smile more strained:
"I suspect you never paid too much attention to it. I mean... you've always been very, how can I put it? No offense, but you've always been pretty obsessed with Rufioh, or your machines.
- ... I don't take it the wrong way. That's a fact."
Horuss ran a hand over his face:
" ... I'm a jerk. But I understand a little better what Meulin meant by 'connecting with others'. I can't just stay in my own little world and focus only on what suits me."
He sighed. It was Cronus's turn to put his hands on his cheeks to caress him, giving him an encouraging smile:
"It's okay chief, everything is getting better, thankfully!"
The blue blood returned his gaze as well as his smile. Yes, everything was getting better.
They exchanged another kiss, then turned their attention to the messages from their friends. To their surprise, many were cheering them on. Porrim, Latula, even Mituna and Kurloz! Aranea too, although she was mostly apologizing for Meenah's behavior. Besides, Meenah hadn't given any sign of life, neither in private nor on the group. But from what they had read, Kankri had obviously lectured her.
Cronus, quite happy with the turn of events, got up to clear the table. Horuss went to help him, but was held back by the reception of a new message. He tensed at Damara's nickname. She was one of the last people he wanted to talk to. They weren't getting along, she was still trying to seduce Rufioh, and maybe she was coming to make fun of him. But out of curiosity, he opened the message.
It was short, a simple word: " Congratulations ".
He was surprised, suspicious too, wondering if there was a trap. Nevertheless, he answered: " Thank you. "
She bounced right back: " I'm not surprised that Cronus is your second choice. "
Horuss didn't know how to interpret this. He saw it as mockery, but he knew that sometimes the young woman was simply tactless, and the fact that it was a written conversation didn't help. He decided to be sincere: " Is it mockery? Is it sarcasm? I don't see the point. "
She quickly replied, " Neither, I mean it. I'm not surprised. " then she sent " Cronus and Rufioh have a lot in common. Their only difference is that Cronus is selfish enough to want to keep his little happiness. "
Horuss frowned, feeling annoyance creep over him again, " If you're just coming to put him down, I might as well block you right now. "
But Damara immediately retorted, " I didn't say it was a flaw. On the contrary, I can blame Cronus for many things, but I admire that selfish part of him. He's not afraid to be possessive of what he loves. Unlike a certain someone. "
Horuss bit his tongue, " Rufioh? "
He could almost hear her giggle as she sent, " Bingo " and added, " We both know Rufioh, so nice he's a hypocrite. So eager to please that he becomes an annoying jerk" she let it sink in for a few seconds before adding, "That moment when you realize he's not just thinking about you, but they're thinking way too much about EVERYONE ."
Horuss was bitter about this, " Where you realize that he doesn't care about you so much... "
This time Damara's message sounded as bitter as hers: " Exactly " and she added " At least, that's the feeling he gives us "
The blue blood had to read the message again to be sure of its meaning. He asked, " Are you implying that he cares about us more than he shows? "
Damara retorted, " When he officially broke up with me, did he come crying to your hive and drink until he passed out? "
Horuss tensed, " No. No, I'm sorry about that. "
But he froze sharply at her reply, " Don't be. That's what he did last night, after seeing the pictures on the band. "
"What? Horuss had choked on the word without thinking, alarming Cronus who came back to him.
- What? What's going on?"
The blue blood let him read the conversation over his shoulder. As the sailor's eyebrows furrowed, Damara sent another message: " He didn't want to break up with you. He really wanted a 'break'. But coming from him, I can see why you took it as an official breakup. He's such a coward." At Horuss' silence, she added, "I'm not here to make you feel guilty and tell you to go back to him. He's a jerk, he doesn't know how to treat his partners right, he doesn't know how to treat people right in general. He spreads himself too thin and doesn't have a sense of priority, and frankly I've come to just feel sorry for him so much. My point is that despite his flaws, Cronus is probably a better partner for you, just as you might be a good partner for him now that you've broken up this stupid moirégence. "
Horuss could think of nothing to say in response but, " It wasn't a stupid moiralegence... "
And Damara scoffed, " Please, Meulin made you a monster. A guy who smiles all the time is just creepy. "
The blue blood could have taken offense, or laughed it off. But he was too disturbed by what he had learned, " Rufioh really came to your house? "
She scoffed again, " Yeah. That was pathetic. I had the vain hope that he had decided to rekindle our relationship, but instead all he did was complain about how stupid he was, how he didn't treat you well enough, how he should have told you he was uncomfortable with your smiles, or that he should have paid more attention when you were talking and blah blah blah... Anyway, pathetic. I thought it would do you good to know that. "
Horuss' jaw tightened, " Why would it do me good? "
She answered as if it were obvious: " Because that's what he deserves? He's only good in appearance, and he knows it. Damn, you should have seen him yesterday. I should have taken a video here. "
Cronus also looked annoyed:
" ... Is she serious?
- ... I think so.
- But that she's an asshole. And she dares to say that she is pale for him? "
Horuss thought nothing of it. He typed, " Now what? Where is he? "
She replied, " Back home. I wasn't going to put him up either. I'm not his morail, but he seems to enjoy coming to me to complain." then she started to write something, which she deleted, before writing another message "I know. It probably makes me a bitch to say that about him. But fuck... He cheated on me, then dumped me, and then he comes to me to cry and complain. I'm not just a toy to be picked up and thrown away at will Horuss. Just like you. We are living beings with feelings. "
And at her words, the anger Horuss had towards her vanished. She was right. Her attitude wasn't exemplary, but she had also suffered, and was still suffering.
Horuss bit his lip, feeling himself sweating under his nervousness again. He didn't know what to make of it all.
Damara sent him a final message: " That's all I have to say. Congratulations again on your new relationship. And... yeah, I know, it's going to sound weird, but don't hesitate to reach out to me if you have a problem. Only if you don't go back to your creepy attitude. I prefer it when you let your true emotions out. "
The blue blood sighed, but smiled weakly as she replied, " Thank you. Have a good day Damara. "
He turned off his phone and set it down, face down on the table, before closing his eyes to take a breath. Cronus, behind him, placed his hands on his shoulders and massaged them lightly.
"I don't know what to do, Horuss admitted. I... it's none of my business now, is it? Me and Rufioh are done, I... I don't have to worry about him anymore.
- ... I don't think so, chief. Breaking up doesn't mean that the feelings disappear. And well, I don't know him well, we were never close, but I have a hard time hating Rufioh myself. He's just...too warm to really hate?
- ... So...It's normal for me to feel so bad... ? "
Horuss looked at his companion with concern. He didn't want to hurt him, he didn't want to imply that he could still be red for his ex, that he could still get back together with him. But Cronus didn't seem worried, not about that anyway.
"You know chief, I feel just as bad, so I think yeah, that's normal. I mean, forgetting that it's Rufioh, we just found out that one of our classmates had a breakdown. It's never nice to hear that someone close to you is drowning in alcohol, even if you don't want a connection to them anymore."
Zahhak let his head fall back against his buddy:
"...I wonder if he feels what I felt... For him, it's...well... It's like we broke up yesterday. Hell, from his perspective, it's like I dumped him yesterday...!
- ... The perspective isn't great."
They let a silence pass... but Horuss' concern overrode everything else:
"Is it okay to go see him? I mean, am I allowed to do that, or...?
- ... Um... I honestly don't know, chief. I don't think there is any universal law that forbids you to go see your depressed ex?
- But are you okay with that?"
Cronus thought about the question, his ears drooping a little, a sign that he was upset:
" ... Frankly, I wouldn't be serene."
He fled his gaze:
" ... In fact, I might be downright terrified. He's your ex, and he can be a jerk, but...but he's Rufioh what. Like I said, everyone loves Rufioh. He's warm, and he's sexy, and if he's realized that losing you was his worst mistake, then maybe he'll want to make it up to you and... maybe he'll become a better companion, and finally bring you the happiness you deserve...? And then I couldn't really stop you from going back to him..."
Horuss winced, but understood his point of view. He himself wasn't sure he had enough confidence not to flinch at his former matesprite, at least if he changed his behavior and proved that he really loved him. But he couldn't afford to abandon Cronus, not after getting so close to him and seeing sides of him that were previously unknown.
The blue blood suddenly stood up, startling Cronus. But Cronus had no time to be surprised, Horuss grabbed his hands firmly and looked into his eyes:
"Let's go see him together!
- W-What?
- Come with me! That way you can keep an eye on us!
- But ... I don't know, chief, it's not a bit ... I don't know, going to your ex-girlfriend's house, with your new guy, that's pretty borderline, right?"
Horuss bit his lip:
"I know... I know, but I really want to see if he's okay, and if possible... maybe chat with him. But I need you to be there, because this is also about you now. You have become important to me Cronus."
The sailor empathized:
" ... Okay... Yeah, okay, let's do that then."
They took a breath to calm down and exchanged an awkward smile. They could do it.
They knew Damara hadn't lied when they reached Rufioh's hive. The door was poorly closed, leaving a thin space that allowed a small view of the interior. Horuss hesitated, but not for too long before he entered the house without knocking, followed by a much less confident Cronus.
The blue blood gasped with nostalgia as his eyes scanned the small hall, as well as the hallway. He had been here so many times... and the last memory he had was his 'break' with Rufioh, and his tearful departure. Bitter memory, which was accompanied at least by the happiness to have crossed Cronus afterwards.
He held back a sigh, examined the environment, saw a shoe thrown carelessly in the entrance, and another in the doorway which led to the living room. He walked forward, picking up both of them and carefully placing them in the hallway, and went into the living room to find, not surprisingly, Rufioh.
The sight gripped his heart as much as it did Cronus'. Rufioh, so proud and warm on a daily basis, was collapsed on the couch like a wreck, almost rolled into a ball, asleep but shivering with cold. One of his wings was folded against the back of the sofa, he mustn't have been paying attention when he collapsed. At the same time, there was little chance he would have paid attention to anything if he had been drinking so much.
Horuss moved closer, crouching down to run a hand over the sleeping man's face, putting a few strands of hair back in place, before tensing up when his palm came to rest on his cheek:
"Damn, he's feverish... !"
Cronus bit his tongue, concerned:
"No wonder... sleeping with the door open, in the middle of the night... For a warm blood like him, the room is too cold."
The Ampora moved away to check that the front door was closed, before going off to find a heater, which he turned on. Meanwhile, Horuss straightened up and began by moving Rufioh's body a bit, so as to free the poor bent wing. Then, knowing the house, he went in search of a blanket that he placed on the body of the sleeping man.
"I'll make him something to eat, Horuss said. Can you take some medicine? The bathroom is down the hall on the right.
- I'll do that right away, chief. Maybe pack him a bottle of water too, he'll need to hydrate."
Horuss nodded and went into the kitchen, favoring a hot soup, while Cronus went off to explore the house, discovering it for the first time. He was curious, but didn't linger as long as he would have liked. His priority was the medication, the visit would come later.
In the bathroom, he took what seemed important to him, the pills against pain but also a glove and a small basin.
When he returned to the living room, Rufioh was still deeply asleep. But it wasn't a peaceful sleep: his body was tense, he was startled at times, his breath was heavy. Cronus put it on the table and went into the kitchen with the glove, to see Horuss at the stove.
"Were you able to find?"the blue blood asked as he entered.
- Yes, I also brought a basin, if he wants to throw up."
Horuss thanked him with a nod and let him go to wet the glove, which he went to rest on the patient's forehead.
"...what a situation you've put us in..." sighed Cronus as he sat down on the floor, against the couch.
He kept an eye on Rufioh, not without nervously fidgeting with his fingers. He had never seen him so vulnerable, emotionally and physically. He seemed to be in the grip of a nightmare, in addition to suffering from his cold and his bender. Somewhat by instinct, he reached out and gently stroked his hair.
Rufioh shivered, moved a little, and half awoke.
Blinking slowly, he stopped for a moment when his eyes met Cronus'. He remained forbidden, not quite sure if he was dreaming or not, while Cronus gave him an awkward smile:
"Hello Chief. Not too much headache?
- ... I... feel like shit..." admitted Rufioh, his mouth pasty.
He tried to get up, but immediately fell back on the couch with a dizzy spell. Cronus returned to caress his hair gently:
"Easy, take your time. Do you feel like drinking some water?
- ... Y-Yeah... I think..."
Cronus took the water bottle and opened it, and helped Rufioh to sit up enough to drink without getting it all over the place. After only a few sips, the sick man lay back down, taking deep breaths, his chest heavy.
" ... What are you doing here?" he managed to say, with some difficulty.
Cronus closed the bottle and put it back:
"Damara told us that you had gone on a bad bender. We were worried, so we came."
Rufioh widened his eyes slightly, before wincing in shame and anger and putting an arm over his flushed face:
" ... Damn, she really...?"
But he paused and withdrew his arm, to watch Cronus with fear :
"... you said 'we'... ?
- Indeed, Horuss' voice replied. We have come to see you."
The bronze blood turned completely pale, turning his gaze when he saw his ex-lover enter his field of vision. You could almost read the panic in his eyes, as the blue blood stared back at him without a word. It was uncomfortable, really, but Cronus stepped in to calm things down:
"Is the soup ready?
- Yes, I'll bring a bowl. Can you get him to take a painkiller first?
- No worries."
Horuss disappeared again as Cronus took out a pill. He helped Rufioh to sit up again, but this time he sat him down properly, with his back to the backrest, coming to sit next to him and putting the blanket properly on his lap, then presenting him with the bottle and the medicine. He quickly understood that he would still have to help him, the other being so weak that he struggled to even raise his hand.
Swallowing the pill and nearly choking, Rufioh closed his eyes, gasping for breath. Cronus retrieved the still fresh glove and held it to his cheek, then to his neck, and this simple gesture drew a small satisfied sigh from the taller man.
Horuss returned with the bowl of soup and a spoon. He sat on the other side, trapping Rufioh between him and Cronus. Seeing how weak he was, he took a spoonful of soup and blew gently on it, before taking it to Rufioh:
"Open your mouth." he ordered in a calm but firm tone.
Too surprised, but also too feverish, Rufioh complied timidly, having only glanced briefly at Horuss before closing his eyes, the light being too bright for him. He felt the spoon slide between his lips, the heat filled his mouth, he swallowed with a little difficulty, but the soft sensation which gained his body pushed him to relax a little, and without really realizing it he let himself go against Cronus who held him by the waist and continued to refresh him with the glove, while Horuss fed him patiently.
They exchanged few words during this strange meal. But it was quiet, and not as awkward as everyone thought it would be. Horuss stopped when he saw that Rufioh didn't have the heart to swallow anything, and got up to clear away, leaving the other two alone again.
Cronus followed his companion with his eyes, then turned his attention back to Rufioh and was relieved to see that he was breathing a little better than before. He put his hand on his forehead, which was easy to reach when the other was leaning against him. When they were standing straight next to each other it was much more complicated, Rufioh being well a head taller than him.
" ... Are you going to be alright chief? Do you want to lie down again?"
Rufioh shook his head very slightly and snuggled a little better against him, without really being aware of it. He seemed to be in a state, because normally he wouldn't have approached Cronus like that. The sailor sighed a little and let him do it, coming back to caress his hair with one hand, while with the other he handed the wet glove to Horuss who was just coming back:
"Excuse me Horse, could you freshen it up please?"
The blue blood nodded as he took the glove, not hiding his slightly surprised expression at the little nickname. It came out so naturally that Cronus didn't seem to realize what he had said.
Horuss returned quickly, taking his place next to Rufioh and putting the glove on him, while Cronus continued to caress him here and there.
"A hot shower would probably do him good? the sailor offered with some hesitation, not sure where the line was drawn.
- Yes, and then change his clothes, they stink of alcohol..."
Rufioh reacted to this, slightly reopening his eyes to look at them, blushing with shame and piteously responding:
" ... Sorry... I... I'll take care of that..."
Horuss sighed, without much thought he stopped focusing on the glove to come over and stroke the base of one of his horns, a gesture he had done so many times in the past to relax him:
"Let us take care of you, you are in no condition."
Rufioh swallowed a hiccup, looking at him with amazement, then more embarrassment. He lowered his eyes, the feeling of being a moron and an incompetent knotting his throat. He had no strength for anything, and it wasn't just because of the disease. He hated conflict, he avoided it like the plague.
He attempted a miserable smile, taking as casual a tone as possible:
"You know doll... you don't have to do this, really... No one will blame you for leaving me in this state... I deserve it, ahah..."
Horuss frowned, Cronus did the same. They exchanged a knowing look, before the blue blood grabbed Rufioh with ease, carrying him to the bathroom without any trouble.
Rufioh choked with stupor, completely disoriented. He stammered with confusion without struggling, but his wings quivered, betraying his nervousness.
When he reached the bathroom, Horuss sat him down in the tub with some gentleness and began to undress him without asking his permission.
"B-But...!" exclaimed Rufioh, unable to react.
He felt weak, certainly, but also too surprised. Horuss had never undressed him without asking permission first. Horuss was always so concerned with etiquette and good behavior that it became stifling and annoying at times. And now he was taking his clothes off against his will?
The bronze blood bit his tongue to keep quiet, for fear of upsetting him further. Because he wasn't stupid, he could see that Horuss was angry with him and he knew why, just as he knew why he was helping him: because despite his shitty behavior, he still loved him. Because, unlike him, he was kind, genuinely kind. He wasn't trying to please, only to be helpful.
And Rufioh felt all the more illegitimate for it. He didn't deserve this attention. He just deserved to croak in a corner, after rolling up in a ball and sobbing like the poor coward he was.
" ... Ruf...?" worried Horuss, his voice suddenly feverish as he watched him with wide eyes.
The Nitram froze in place, snapping out of his thoughts, realizing that the water hadn't yet been turned on, and thus his wet face was due to his tears.
He managed to raise his hand despite his trembling and fatigue, awkwardly wiping his face:
"Sorry... Fuck, I'm sorry... I'm just... I..."
He had so much to say but so few words that came clearly to mind. So here he was, more miserable than ever, sobbing to his ex-girlfriend whom he had dumped on his own - although that wasn't the original intent .
Horuss felt his anger fade away, replaced by the bitter mixture of guilt and worry, as well as by that familiar feeling of tenderness that made him want to reassure, to take the other in his arms to whisper sweet words. But his gesture remained in suspense while the doubt tugged at him. Was he supposed to do that? Did he have the right to comfort his former partner?
From the corner of his eye, he guessed that Cronus was standing in the doorway, silently watching them, probably as confused as he was about what to do.
Horuss took it upon himself to continue removing his clothes, without a word. He didn't find the strength to be embarrassed in front of his nudity, he knew Rufioh's body and, anyway, there was nothing romantic or sexual, the atmosphere was just not adequate to feel embarrassed or excited. He put the clothes on the floor and grabbed the shower head, making sure the water was the right temperature before directing it to Rufioh.
The bronze blood shuddered, kept his eyes closed as he pulled his legs up against him, taking advantage of the water to rinse his face and try to regain some composure. He didn't see Cronus retrieve the clothes and put them in the machine, just as he didn't see him leave the room to return a little later with clean clothes.
Cronus sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bathtub, a little set back from the other two so as not to interfere:
"It's boring that we don't have recuperacoon anymore. The human beds are cool, but much less useful for physical recovery.
- Indeed... Horuss sighed. Maybe there's a way to create sopor artificially. I'll work on that."
Cronus nodded. To tell you the truth, he was looking for a way to make conversation, because he was really uncomfortable with the silence. Looking for another way to continue the discussion, he took out a cigarette and slipped it between his lips, but as usual he didn't light it, just played with it a bit to keep his mind occupied.
Um... should we... well... lay him down afterwards?" he asked before remembering that Rufioh was present, so he should ask him directly. I mean, what do you think chief, would getting into bed do you any good?"
Rufioh had raised his head when he saw him address him. He met Cronus' eyes, and the latter immediately flushed, fleeing his eyes. A little surprised by this reaction, the bronze blood didn't know how to take it... until he remembered that he was completely naked. Was the purple blood, so flirty, actually shy?
"...I could lie down yeah." he finally replied without taking his eyes off Cronus, a little intrigued.
If he understood Horuss' behavior, it wasn't the case for the sailor. He had never paid any real attention to the Ampora, trying rather to escape from him when he made advances. So he didn't know why he was being so nice to him today. To look good in front of Horuss? Maybe, but he didn't seem hypocritical, rather sincere.
Rufioh didn't understand how anyone could sincerely wish him well.
He washed himself with a little more enthusiasm, only not to waste more time for his two guests - if they could be called that. But even though he managed to do the minimum and let Horuss rinse him off, he had to be supported once again to get out of the tub and dry himself properly.
Damn dizziness, damn fever, damn bullshit that had caused him to end up at Damara's last night. He didn't even know why he'd done it. By masochism maybe, he knew that she wouldn't take care of him and that she would dismantle him, it hadn't missed. She had made it clear to him that he had received what he deserved, hadn't been embarrassed to remind him that he was pathetic.
She was right. He needed to hear that. That's why he kept coming back to her, because she didn't treat him like the others, she didn't care for him, she knew his true face, went beyond his looks and his facade, to put him down and remind him of what he really was: an asshole.
He didn't know by what miracle he managed to get dressed alone. Probably the bitterness he was feeling was good fuel. He didn't want to waste any more time with him, he was wasting too much time with himself. So he dragged himself out of the bathroom, trying not to flinch, trying to fight off the headache that was hitting his temples and making him want to vomit:
"I'll walk you to the entrance."
He'd tried to be authoritative, at least a little, so that the other two wouldn't insist, that they'd go out without a fuss. But his voice, his damn voice, had shaken, was too low to be really aggressive. All he received was a new frown from the duo. He realized when he saw Horuss straighten up that he was going to grab him again and carry him without asking.
Rufioh recoiled:
"Damn it, just stop it! Get the fuck out!"
This time he had yelled, and fuck he would have liked to look angry, he would have liked to look hateful and hateful, he would have liked the other two to have a revelation, a realization such as "but yeah, he's a motherfucker, why are we bothering?". Instead, his cry just sounded desperate, his voice broken, like he was going to cry again, have a nervous breakdown.
That's not the image he wanted to portray. That's not the image he wanted people to have of him.
He shouted again, hoping the words were louder than his tone of voice, that Horuss would focus on his insults and not his wet eyes:
"You are nothing to me anymore! Stop acting like this, like there's anything left, it's pathetic! What, Damara told you I was desperate and you believed her? I've been wanting to break up with you for months, who cares if you find someone else? What do I care about you, you're just a... a miserable, stupid blue blood e-and... !"
His back hit the wall of the hallway as he had backed up again, he felt his balance slipping away. He wasn't even sure if he should be screaming at this point, all the noises seemed too loud, hitting his temples painfully, and he was forcing himself to string the words together despite the knot in his throat, forcing himself to say the most terrible things that came to mind. He wanted to hurt Horuss more and more. He wanted the other to leave, he wanted the other to hate him, he wanted the other to stop with the kindness.
But if he was the one insulting, why was he the one with the heartache? Why did the insults that came out of his mouth come back in his face, making him want to hit himself? Why did he have the feeling of breaking into pieces when he should have been strong and hard?
He let himself slide against the wall, curled up in a sob, clutching his head hard but barely feeling the pain as he pulled at his hair, hiding his face against his knees.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry... sorry... sorry, I'm sorry..."
He really wasn't good at this, really wasn't good at purposely hurting people, purposely causing conflict. He was once again pitiful.
He recognized Horuss's hand when it slid down his arm and gently pulled him away, when it rested on his cheek and forced him to lift his watery face.
Rufioh felt devastated when he saw his expression, when he realized that Horuss was close to crying as well. No, no no no, that's not what he wanted, he didn't want him to cry, he didn't want him to be sad, he wanted him to be angry, to get upset, maybe even to hit him! But not for him to cry, not for him to make such a downcast expression!
" ... Why are you telling me this...? the blue blood muttered, confused. Why are you pushing me away...? I'm just trying to help..."
It was like a blade in the heart. Rufioh grabbed Horuss's hand and shook it in his own, trembling:
"Sorry, sorry baby, sorry, I didn't mean to..."
He caressed his hand:
"I can't stand you wasting your time like this, I can't stand you hurting yourself around me... fuck, Damara is right, I don't know how to take care of others, I don't know how to do it, and I hurt you, over and over, and you keep being there, helping and supporting me, and I don't get it, I can't stand it, I... I don't fucking know, I don't know, I just want you to be happy, but I don't know how to make you happy, a-and I don't know what to do anymore..."
Horuss came and wrapped his free hand around him, hugging him close, trying not to put too much force into it, coming to kiss him in the hair, then on the horns, hoping to calm him down:
" ... It's okay Ruf ... everything is fine, it's okay ... We'll discuss it calmly, we'll fix it... but let us take care of you, don't say it's a waste of time... you're not a waste of time..."
Rufioh lowered his head, didn't answer, because he couldn't agree to that, he couldn't agree to "not being a waste of time." He closed his eyes as Horuss continued to place kisses here and there on his head. God, he'd missed this, missed it so much. How long had it been since they'd had such intimate, precious, appreciative contact? Rufioh didn't know, but he could only blame himself, he was the one who had started this distance, he had no right to complain about it.
Horuss helped him to his feet, invited him to lean on him, and Rufioh didn't have the strength to refuse. He had forgotten how much stronger the blue blood was than him, how much he had 'mellowed' to let him control their relationship. But today, seeing Horuss carry him with such ease, he remembered, he remembered how good it was to have someone stronger, someone who could shake him.
They went to the bedroom, Rufioh welcomed the comfort of the sheets with great joy. His wings curled up as he lay back, sighing with ease, letting Horuss cover him with the comforter. He closed his eyes, tired, longing to sleep and rest as he had been told, to be done with it once and for all.
"We'll stay here, Horuss indicated, coming over to stroke his cheek. So if there's a problem you can call us. You got it?
- Yeah, got it..."
The Zahhak smiled, satisfied to be listened to. He was about to leave, when he was surprised to see Cronus join them in the room with the basin and the wet glove. He put both of them next to the bed, making sure they were visible to Rufioh, and left without a word. Horuss hurried to join him quietly, closing the door softly behind him.
"Thank you Cro', really.
- It's nothing chief, it's normal."
Cronus gave a vague shrug, to support that it was no big deal, nothing that deserved a thank you, but Horuss disagreed. He came over and took his hands and leaned in for a brief kiss:
"No, this is important. Thank you for coming with me, thank you for helping me... on my own, I probably would have panicked. With you, I feel reassured."
The sailor puffed up, his ears twitching with contentment. He pursed his lips with embarrassment, finally fleeing his gaze without knowing what to say:
"...I don't think so. You're doing really well. You're used to taking care of him.
- But you seem to be used to it too! I didn't think you could handle the sick so well!"
Cronus massaged the back of his neck, nervous:
" ... I'm just... trying to take care of others the way I'd like to be taken care of. That's all."
Horuss looked at him with a small scowl, both surprised by this answer... and basically not so much. He went back to stroking his boyfriend's cheeks, then moved up to his ears:
"I'll take good care of you when you're sick. I'll be your personal nurse!"
Cronus blushed, couldn't help but smile, and returned his gaze with a laugh:
"Oh, so you'll have a sexy outfit to serve me?
- Careful highblood, don't go off on a slippery slope~"
They laughed heartily as they walked away from the room, making their way back to the living room where Horuss set about tidying up, disturbed by the stuff lying around here and there. Cronus sat down on the couch without really knowing what to do, scanning the place with his eyes, before getting up to let curiosity get the better of him, and going to explore the house a bit. Hey, if he wasn't disturbing anything, he could visit a little, couldn't he?
He came to observe the large collection of dvd, as well as that of video games. Rufioh was really a... Well, what did the humans call it again? An Otaku? In any case, Cronus couldn't but be admired, and also a little surprised. He had never had concrete proof that Rufioh was such a nerd. Of course he had heard the bronze blood rave about his anime, or show his card collection in the evening, when he wanted to play a game. But to see that most of his living room was filled with anime DVDs and video games was something else, not to mention that Horuss had confirmed that he was the kind of person who would rather have a TV night than go out and see people.
This made him laugh softly. For years he had known Rufioh from afar and was convinced that he was the cliché of the nice, muscular, handsome guy with no brains, who spent more time out than in. When they found themselves in Sgrub's session, reduced to only twelve people, things had changed. It was hard to ignore others when there were so few of them. Then Cronus was curious, eager to know, he liked gossip and didn't hesitate to ask questions, even if they were a little too personal.
He was soon envious of Rufioh. The other one wasn't only handsome, strong and endowed with superb wings. He was also funny, helpful, intelligent but also shy. He didn't like to push others around and even if he tried to impose himself, he would quickly step aside to avoid conflict. He was everything Cronus dreamed of being, and everything he would never be.
"Cro'?" called out Horuss, seeing him standing there for several minutes already.
Cronus blinked, snapped out of his thoughts to look at his boyfriend:
"Huh, yes?
- Is everything okay?
- Oh, yes yes, I'm watching the DVDs!"
The blue blood nodded:
"Okay, do you think you can keep the house for a while? The fridge is empty, and knowing Ruf' he won't go shopping until he starves to death."
Cronus smiles:
"Yeah, sure. Go get horse!"
He saw Horuss laugh for some reason that escaped him, then leave the hive quietly.
Left alone, the sailor sighed and hesitated to light his cigarette, still unlit between his lips. Then he thought that it wasn't right to smoke without permission in someone else's house. So he sighed and put it away in his pocket, to resume his ramblings.
Rufioh didn't only have troll works but also human works and, being passionate about humanity, Cronus soon got a little too nosy and took the boxes to read the summary. Not surprisingly, he didn't know any of them. It had been years since he had watched TV or played a game, at least not of his own free will. And the 'friends' who made him interested were few, if not non-existent.
Another sigh, a knot in his throat. He hated to think too much. Thinking led him far too often to think about things he wanted to forget. It was easier to go out, flirt, talk to people even if it meant getting hit. It was always better to interact with others than to be alone. Shit...
He put down a box and picked up another DVD, cursing. The problem with talking to people out of desperation was that the desperation was too obvious. Despair, loneliness, was too invasive, it overflowed from his being, flowed without him wanting it, in the sight of all those who were close to him. And so they ran away from him, they ran away from this harmful negativity, and that was quite normal.
No one wanted someone who was playing a role, who was trying so hard to look like someone he wasn't-
Cronus froze, losing his train of thought. His gaze remained anchored on an image, on the back of the DVD. An image that had just turned his stomach, so irrational did it seem to him.
Of course, he had already had realizations. He had already had the opportunity to understand that Rufioh wasn't as perfect as one would like to believe, that he could be a perfect asshole like anyone else. When he had deceived Damara, it had been disappointing. Terribly disappointing. Cronus was taking him as a role model, and learning that his so-called role model could act like that?
But this realization was nothing compared to what he had just discovered. He remained dumbfounded, examining the DVD from side to side to be sure he hadn't dreamed. He took out his phone and searched on the internet for the title of the movie, to learn more, to be sure that... shit, no, it wasn't possible. Was it?
He hesitated. Should he show this to Horuss? To Kankri? No, no, Rufioh wouldn't like it, it wasn't done. So he put the DVD away, although... he didn't put it back exactly where it was, but further in the cupboard to hide it, so that no one would come across it just 'like that'.
He let himself fall back into the sofa, a little stunned. Did he have to confront Rufioh about it? Maybe yes... Well, he didn't know if he "should" do it, but he "wanted" to. Except it wasn't the right time. Rufioh was sick and depressed, he had enough to deal with right now.
Sending his good manners to hell, Cronus took out his cigarette and lit it.
He regretted it an hour later when Horuss returned and wrinkled his nose at the smell. The sailor made himself small at the disapproving look. He had taken his cigarette out of his mouth and tried to air it out, but the smell was still perceptible, and he could see that the blue blood wasn't at all pleased. This last one didn't say anything about it and left to arrange the races, while Cronus bit his lip of guilt.
He got up and joined him in the kitchen:
"Hey chef, um... need any help?
- I'm good, thanks."
Horuss had responded normally, but his refusal caused Cronus to tense up and be paranoid: was he refusing because he was mad at him? Was he disappointed that the sailor smoked? Or that he smoked inside? Did he feel like he had failed him, that he couldn't trust him? Shit, no, Cronus didn't want to screw it up now. Already his relationship with Horuss was weakening, because... because Rufioh what! Horuss still loved the bronze blood and it was mutual, and Rufioh seemed to feel guilty, and with a talk he would surely make an effort and... and...
" ... Cronus? Hey, is everything okay?"
The blue blood had turned to him and, as if sensing his growing panic, came over and stroked one of his ears, a gesture that also made him melt and rub against his palm. He closed his eyes, enjoying the contact, which was always so unusual for him but which he wanted to hold on to, again, forever...
No. He pulled away, tense. No, he didn't want to appear desperate, he didn't want to appear so weak, even though Horuss had already broken through to him.
"Yeah, everything's fine yeah...
- ... Cronus, don't lie to me.
- Really chief, everything is fine, it's just fatigue."
He saw Horuss frown and froze at his words:
"The lack of communication destroyed my previous relationship. Are you going to let our relationship end the same way?"
Cronus gave him a terrified look, unable to control his panic:
"What, no! No, that's not what I want!"
He hiccupped as Horuss returned to take his face in his hands, looking at him with pleading eyes:
"Then tell me what's wrong...
- ... I... I'm just trying to be a little less pathetic... I'm just trying to ... live up to..."
He hated himself for losing his nerve so much, feeling his ears droop without him being able to stop them. Zahhak's face melted into a worried pout, before he leaned in to kiss him on the corner of his lips:
"Cro' ... you're already up to the task. Talking about what's wrong won't make you less strong. Did I seem weak when I cried in front of you?
- No chief, no...
- Then you understand. So tell me, what's wrong?"
Cronus closed his eyes to take a breath and calm down:
" ... Rufioh really loves you. If you talk, you will find a solution to your relationship. And when you do, I...I'll have more reason to stay with you."
Horuss seemed to hold back a sigh, and the sailor's fears were well founded when he replied:
"It's true, if we get off to a good start again, I might get back together with him..."
But he added, before Cronus decided to flee:
"However, I don't want to leave you behind. It's... It's confusing. I love him, at least I care about him, that's for sure. He hurt me but ... but after seeing him like that, I remembered why I loved him. Because he doesn't have a bad heart, because he helped me love myself at least a little bit... because he was the first one to be really warm to me, and because... because I have so many memories with him. Some good and some bad."
He rested his forehead against Cronus's, a little feverishly, afraid of being awkward:
"...I can't just erase what I went through with him, especially if our feelings are still there... But I like what I started with you. I love this new relationship you're offering me and... and I don't want to throw it away just because I'm going to, potentially, get back with Rufioh. We're not even sure yet, I haven't talked to him, and... I mean..."
Horuss felt his confidence crumble and looked down:
"...I just don't want you to...to doubt what I'm feeling. Can we at least discuss this with Rufioh? Find a three-way solution, and not jump to conclusions right away...?"
Despite his clenched heart, so clenched that it oppressed him, Cronus forced an awkward smile, trying to joke:
"It's easier to make drama."
Horuss sighed in earnest:
"Why make it simple when you can make it complicated?"
They exchanged a look, then a weak smile. They stepped aside and Horuss continued to put the groceries away, before addressing his boyfriend:
"Can you check on Rufioh? See if he's sleeping?
- Sure, chief."
The sailor went back to the room, hesitated a little to knock and then, fearing to wake up the sick man, he slowly opened the door to take a look in the room. Rufioh was still lying down, although he had moved in his sleep and half removed the blanket. Unfortunately, he was in almost the same state as when they arrived: shaking, jerking. Perhaps he was having nightmares.
Cronus slipped into the room and recovered the glove, then made a small round trip in the bathroom to humidify it and to return to put it on the face of the patient. He first patted his forehead, then his cheek, and went down to his neck, while his other hand stroked his hair. He was so hot, because of his blood and fever. He was like a hot water bottle.
Should he wake him up? Rufioh needed sleep, but dealing with bad dreams wasn't restorative. He didn't hesitate any longer and called out in a soft voice:
"Chief... hey, Chief..."
He saw Rufioh tense up and frown. At least he could hear him, even if he wasn't waking up yet.
" ... Rufioh. It's okay... Wake up..."
The bronze blood stirred a little, his wings stirring weakly. His breathing had calmed down a bit, a sign that the waking process was underway. He blinked slowly, a little confused, like the first time. At first he didn't understand where he was, nor in whose presence. Then his eyes became accustomed, and in the semi-darkness of the room, he looked at Cronus:
"What's going on? he asked, still a little sleepy.
- You looked like you were having a nightmare. Are you... Are you okay?"
Cronus returned to lay the glove on his cheek, giving him time to answer. Rufioh closed his eyes again at the touch of the moisture, sighing at ease:
" ... I think ... My head is spinning, but otherwise I'm fine..."
A comfortable silence settled, during which Nitram savored the coolness of the cloth against his burning skin. He made another sigh of contentment, feeling his headache diminish at least a little under these gentle attentions. He ended up rubbing gently against the hand in his hair, seeking more contact:
"...mm ... doll, can you...?"
Cronus questioned him with his eyes, not unperturbed by the 'doll'. Usually, Rufioh called everyone but himself that, surely out of fear that this little nickname would give the sailor false hope -and he wasn't wrong, the purple blood tended to latch onto the smallest thing to flirt with.
"...c-can you...touch my horns...?"
Although Rufioh's voice was already weak because of his condition, it sounded more so and that betrayed his embarrassment. Cronus felt himself blushing, for while the horns were a pleasant area to caress, it was still a rather intimate place for trolls. The bronze blood had to be in a state of mind to ask him such a thing. First he was sticking to him, he called him doll, then this request ...
Cronus had the impression, for the first time, that the other was really interested in him, the same interest he had towards the other members of their group. An interest that was probably fleeting, but the sailor was going to enjoy it for the time being, it seemed too good to him.
"Of course chief."
He had answered as calmly as he could, and he was glad that Rufioh had kept his eyes closed, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to assume his flushed face and wagging ears. His hand slowly slid to one of the horns, first brushing the tip, then slowly caressing it as it moved up to the base.
He perceived distinctly the shiver of Nitram as well as his umpteenth sigh. It was hypnotizing, gratifying even, to have in front of him the Troll that he had envied and admired so much, to see him submit to his hands and melt under his caresses. He wondered if, in other circumstances, this could have happened. But he didn't need to think too much to have his answer: no. No, Rufioh would never have let him touch him like that if he hadn't been sick, if there hadn't been this new connection with Horuss.
Horuss... Thinking about the blue blood, the sailor bit his tongue. He suspected that Horuss wasn't lying to him, that he really cared about him -at least he dared to hope so- but he suddenly feared the future discussion between the three of them. If Rufioh came to his senses and fully realized what was going on, it was going to get ugly. He could never agree to a potential threesome, not if Cronus was involved. Or he would agree to please Horuss, and that would be much worse, because there would be a problem again, something left unsaid.
In the past, the idea of a relationship with Horuss and Rufioh had made him fantasize. Cronus fantasized a lot, about all sorts of things, about all the potential partners who might like him, or hate him enough to accept him in a quadrant, or at least see him as someone important in their lives, and not just a guy who is ignored overnight because he is such a nuisance.
He had made a few attempts, calculated flirtations to seduce one or the other, or simply to interfere in their life as a couple. But Cronus knew the techniques of flirting on the fingertips, it wasn't enough to know the theory to master the practice. And once again, it came back to his imperfect attitude, always brimming with desperation and desire to be loved.
And then he had learned to grow up too. One is obliged to grow up at some point, to mature. He had been forced to see that he wasn't the center of the world, that he wasn't the only one with problems or existential crises. Kankri had helped him in this respect, as had Eridan. Meeting Eridan had been a highlight, a turning point. After all, when someone as dramatic as you complains that you're an asshole, it puts you in your place, really.
" ... Doll?"
Cronus gasped, realizing that he had stopped moving. He tried to resume his stroking as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't gotten lost in his far too dark thoughts once again. However, the hand of Rufioh came to seize his, interrupting his gesture.
The sailor felt himself becoming nervous as he lowered his eyes, only to find that the other was looking at him.
" ... Sorry, you... um... are you okay... ?
- ... I'm not the sick one here, chief.
- It's just that... you seemed rather, how shall I say... bitter? You... You don't have to go on if it bothers you, really... um, I wouldn't blame you..."
Now Rufioh was getting as nervous as he was. Cronus shook his head:
"No no, I don't mind, I really don't, I was thinking, and, well... you know artists chief, when they think, they go into their bubble and poof, they forget about the real world!"
Nitram frowned a little, and Cronus had to struggle not to look away. Hard to do when someone is silently examining you, probably trying to read you.
Fortunately he was saved by the arrival of Horuss, who caught their attention as he entered the room, holding a tray with steaming cups. He approached them quietly, placing the tray on the bedside table, and it was only when he turned around and closed the door that Cronus froze: this was it, the three of them were locked in a closed space, with a Rufioh in better shape and fit for discussion.
He felt his ears droop, his breath catch in the hollow of his throat. Shit, he was close to hyperventilating, apprehension knotting his stomach. This wasn't going to turn out well, this definitely wasn't going to turn out well, they were going to come to the conclusion that three was too many, that he didn't belong here, that he had to leave, that...
The high-pitched noise that echoed in the room was his. It was him who had just made a sound close to a groan, his body relaxing completely as he saw stars, and it took him long seconds to understand what had just happened. Rufioh had straightened up, enough to reach out and touch his ear, but unlike Horuss who only stroked them, Rufioh had pressed on a specific point, one that Cronus himself didn't even know existed and had removed all the tension from his body, only to replace it with pure pleasure.
"But... What... I... ?" he was unable to pronounce a coherent sentence, completely dumbfounded, as stunned as Horuss could be in front of them.
Rufioh gave him a shy smile:
"You... You looked like you needed to relax, doll."
Cronus didn't even know how he could know that trick. Had he been talking to another sea dweller? Meenah? Feferi? Or even Eridan? Hell, he had goosebumps.
Horuss moved closer to them, his eyes wide:
"How did you do that? he asked Rufioh, his voice full of curiosity.
- The fins of the sailors are similar to the horns, the closer you get to the base, the more sensitive it is.
- Like this?"
Horuss reached out in turn to grab Cronus's other ear, and Cronus didn't have time to pull back as another spike of euphoria came over him, his voice choking in a second groan. He gasped, trembling in their hands:
"S-Stop..." he begged, his body going completely limp, like marshmallow.
It was nothing like the usual stroking, whether on his horns or anywhere else. It was a simple rubbing against a small part of his ears and it was enough to completely overwhelm him, to make him succumb to something far too strong. It was terrifying. What about the discussion they were supposed to have? It wasn't supposed to turn out this way, it was REALLY NOT supposed to turn out this way and...
"A-Ah, ugh, no.. no no no... !" his voice escaped him, his vision becoming blurred, as the other two didn't listen to his torments and continued to caress those oh-so-sensitive spots, causing him to make far too many obscene noises that he wouldn't have thought he'd ever grow.
His head fell back against Horuss's shoulder and he clutched at the blue blood with one hand, almost clawing it, while the other was still held tightly by Rufioh and ... oh god, he was going to die, he was going to die right here and now, drowning in the meanders of pleasure, and his bulge wasn't without reminding him, having come to manifest itself and wiggling against the tissues of his clothes.
"I beg you...! Stop...!" he whined, not knowing which of the two he was begging.
The torture ended, Horuss and Rufioh releasing him while exchanging a worried look. Cronus closed his eyes, panting, taking a moment to calm himself. It was hard, burning, but at least he could process it, he didn't feel overwhelmed anymore.
" ... Sorry Cro... Is it... Are you okay...?" Horuss murmured, shyly stroking his cheek.
The sailor huffed, then dared to look at him despite his trembling and purple face:
" ... I-it's okay... it's... it was just unexpected..."
Rufioh cleared his throat:
" ... Um, pardon the question doll, but aren't you, you know, a virgin?"
Cronus tensed, his ears perking up before he growled and went back to hiding his face against Horuss' shoulder before retorting coldly:
" ... Unlike a certain person, I'm not much in demand by the crowd."
It was Rufioh's turn to tense up and bite his lip, looking away piteously.
Seeing them act like this, Horuss held back a sigh:
"You both need to relax."
He grabbed Cronus' chin and lifted his head, coming to take a tender kiss. Full of amazement, the sailor remained incredulous while his small friend moved away and came this time to seek the lips of Rufioh.
The bronze blood remained just as stunned.
Horuss didn't say a word as he pulled back the blanket, revealing Nitram's legs. He promptly ran a hand between his thighs, coming to caress his bulge through the pants.
"Oh shit..." let escape Rufioh while following the gestures of the glance, shivering at this touch.
Cronus held his breath, watching as well, wondering if this was really happening.
Obviously yes, Horuss had decided to take matters into his own hands... literally. After stroking the budding erection, he pulled a little on the fabric and came to free the sex that was beginning to stir. Rufioh's tentacle, the same color as his blood, stood proudly, while its owner wriggled with embarrassment.
Cronus swallowed, tore himself away from his contemplation to look at the face of Nitram, and his breath caught. Rufioh was looking at him, his face burning. But as soon as their eyes met, the bronze blood seemed to die of embarrassment and lowered his head, holding back a groan as Horuss began to stroke his penis.
Cronus bit his tongue, tingles running up his back as his own tentacle begged for attention. And he got it.
The Ampora gasped as Horuss' second hand came to him, repeating the same process, first caressing him through his clothes before releasing his member and coming to touch him directly.
Gasping again, Cronus squinted, suddenly remembering that his hand was still holding Rufioh's as he felt the bronze blood tighten his grip with a growl of pleasure.
Shit... Oh shit... Oh good god... He was going to pray to all the saints he had never believed in only that this moment would never end.
He squinted at Horuss' neck, perfectly exposed at this moment. Could he afford to...? He didn't linger any longer and slid his mouth against the offered skin, peppering it with shy kisses.
The Zahhak gasped slightly, then sighed with contentment before tilting his head to invite the sailor to continue.
The sensations were pleasant, but mostly sweet. They had time to assimilate, to feel, to take pleasure.
Rufioh straightened up a little better, his gesture amplified the contact with the teasing hand and made him gasp. He breathed in, controlling his breath, and held out his free hand. With both hands occupied, Horuss looked curiously at his former - still former? - matesprite ... and turned blue as he realized what he was getting at.
Cronus stopped kissing his neck to look at what was going on, before almost squealing at the sight of the blue rod that had just been released in turn.
Rufioh spoke up, his voice hoarser:
"We could try... this..."
He guided the blue tentacle toward Cronus', and the sailor choked. Horuss's hand and Rufioh's moved apart, letting the two yards naturally meet, tame, caress, and embrace, accompanied by Ampora's plaintive tone and Zahhak's moan.
"Ah... Damn..." Cronus articulated with difficulty, his ears twitching.
Horuss could only nod, his eyes feverish, seeming to relish this new approach. But his voice, also hoarse, rose in a muffled groan:
"R-Ruf', you too..."
The bronze blood moistened his lips, gave a weak 'yes' with his head and moved closer, pressing himself against the other two. His skin was even hotter than before, and when his tentacle mingled with theirs, it was like a torrent of lava.
Cronus let out a pathetic moan.
"Damn, doll... your voice is driving me crazy..." complained Rufioh in a dull growl, before grabbing his face and taking possession of his lips.
Cronus widened his eyes. He could have screamed in stupor, in bewilderment, believing himself to be in a dream, or perhaps a nightmare. He could have panicked, panicked that THE Rufioh Nitram would come and kiss him, and moreover in front of Horuss. Instead, he could only moan, clinging pitifully, still being overwhelmed by too powerful sensations. He could only give in, ears lowered, as his lips were greedily devoured, as a hot tongue slid against his, as he had all the power of a blazing fire consuming him and drawing high-pitched moans from him.
Rufioh didn't move away until he felt him suffocating, his gills now twitching, and this aroused Horuss' interest, who came to kiss them gently as they were alive, more sensitive than ever.
Cronus arched his back and began to tremble, his vision blurred. He wasn't going to hold, he was really not going to hold.
Seeing his condition, Rufioh decided to play with Horuss, to bring him to the end too. His hand left Cronus to get closer to the blue blood, his fingers slid along his still clothed torso, to gain the crotch, brush the tentacle and reach him already completely wet vagina.
"AH!" Horuss flinched, whimpering as he felt a finger slip so easily inside him.
Rufioh knew he wasn't made of sugar, that he'd already welcomed more than a few fingers, but he still took the time to slowly move his index finger, making long circular motions to rub the soaked walls that stretched deftly, before adding his middle finger and doing the same again, though moving a little faster, then starting to push them in a little further, making a hooking gesture, coming in to watch for the most sensitive spot.
Horuss had to cling to the bed, out of need to squeeze something hard, and not wanting to hurt any of his lovers. He continued to kiss the throat of Cronus, a little faster, a little more impatient each time that Rufioh moved in him, titillated him, aroused a delicious sensation that spread in his whole intimacy until his belly.
Cronus lost his footing and, in a flash of lucidity, he wanted to act in his turn, taking two steps to raise his hand and catch one of Rufioh's horns. He was stammering, didn't manage to caress as intensely as he would have liked, but did his best to massage the base, lingering on the red part that he knew was sensitive. The plaintive breath of the taller one indicated to him that he was doing it well.
They didn't really know what signaled the end. Perhaps Horuss' yelp, his intimacy tightening around Rufioh's fingers. Perhaps Cronus, who was no longer able to make a move and relied only on the other two to hold him, as purple seed spilled from his tentacle and slid down their three still entwined yards. Or Rufioh taking deep breaths, stopping teasing the Zahhak's vagina although he didn't withdraw his fingers right away, and embracing Cronus' waist with his free hand.
They didn't move for many minutes, all three of them tight and breathless, even still trembling in Cronus' case.
Rufioh blinked, slowly coming to his senses first. He left the intimacy of Horuss gently, wiped his fingers on the wet cloth which had been abandoned on the sheets, then took the aforementioned cloth and passed it on the vagina of his lover, always with delicacy. He perceived a small blissful sigh on behalf of Horuss, and that pulled a smile to him.
He continued this small cleaning by coming to pass the linen on their tentacles, while helping them to untie. The soft, wet touch made them shiver a little, but at the same time it was nice to be a little cleaner.
Rufioh finally threw the cloth away and silently guided the other two to lie down. He was still holding Cronus by the waist, while Horuss had come to lie on top of them both but was looking for a comfortable position for his head. The bronze blood groped around a bit and found a small pillow, which he slid towards the Zahhak. The latter blew again, pleasantly surprised, offering him a small smile that made Rufioh blush.
Cronus' voice, a little dazed, broke the silence:
" ... Is that what an orgasm is?"
Rufioh found it hard to hide his laughter:
"Well... you look like you've seen doll stars, but no, I don't think you've had one."
The sailor looked at him with wide eyes, clearly outraged:
"What! But... it was really good!
- Ahah, good thing it doesn't always have to be an orgasm to be good, otherwise most sex would be really sad."
Horuss nodded, chuckling a little too.
Seeing that this made them laugh, Cronus pouted, blushing in shame at his lack of knowledge. However, it wasn't for lack of having inquired a little!
"You took advantage of a poor man's weakness..." He complained in an exaggerated tone.
Horuss came and kissed him chastely:
"But at least we are all relaxed now."
He passed his gaze from Cronus to Rufioh, before straightening up to sit on his heels. But he didn't speak right away, he searched for his words, running a hand through his hair.
" ... This is a pretty good way to experiment... a possible threesome?"
Rufioh widened his eyes, letting go of Cronus to lean on his elbows:
" ... What?
- I still have feelings for you, but I care about Cronus. And... well, it's just a guess, but I was thinking about that possibility.
- ... B-But... After what happened between us..."
Cronus saw them exchange a hesitant look.
The Zahhak sighed, tucking a lock of hair back behind his ear:
" ... I know. That's why I'd like to... well... discuss this. Let's understand what went wrong and... see if we want to continue together, or definitely break up?"
He bit his lip, not very sure of himself, while Rufioh didn't seem very excited. But yet it is the bronze blood who initiated the thing, with a heavy sigh:
" ... Okay... Basically, I wanted to take a break just to think about it. It's ... I wanted to try to understand what was wrong, and the first thing that comes to my mind is your moiralegence with Meulin. But I understand that it's over, so I don't really need to go back to that...
- Was it my constant smiling that bothered you?
- Among other things. It's cute to see you smile of course, but it's cute when they're real smiles, when you're doing them because you're happy, that something cool has happened!"
Rufioh massaged the back of his neck:
"...when you started smiling where you should have been angry, where you should have been crying, I really started to... well... feel uncomfortable. Freaking out a little. Just... not knowing how to address you anymore. I didn't even know what you could feel anymore."
Horuss lowered his eyes for a moment, before raising them to Nitram:
"Yes, I understand. I probably would have felt the same way in your place. I myself... I didn't enjoy smiling constantly. It was like wearing a mask, and I'm sure glad I got rid of it."
Rufioh nodded slightly and a silence passed, before he breathed again:
" ... I ... I'm not the only one with something to complain about, am I? You can say it..."
The Zahhak hesitated a bit, then squinted as he remembered things:
"To tell you the truth, yes. I have a lot to be ashamed of. But I wouldn't want to make a long, dramatic, accusatory speech, it wouldn't do any good except to put you down unnecessarily.
- Uh-huh... well, let's take it step by step?
- Right. You blamed me for my smiles, but long before my moiralegence with Meulin you could already be distant. So I'd like an honest answer: since we are 'officially' matesprite and you broke up with Damara, how many times have you cheated on me?"
Rufioh widened his eyes, his throat suddenly dry. He opened his mouth, closed it again, seemed to weigh the pros and cons, before asking hesitantly:
"What counts as 'cheating'?
- Any red actions towards someone other than me.
- I... I'll have to clarify, many actions are on the borderline between pale and red...
- Kissing, caressing more intimate areas, having sex in a tender way. That sort of thing."
Rufioh hesitated again, though he seemed a little less tense:
"...and flirting?" he asked. Anything... complimentary, making innuendos?"
Horuss pouted, thinking, skeptical:
" ... I'm not sure. If it's too bold an innuendo, I suppose so?"
He looked at Cronus, questioning him with his eyes, and the sailor blushed a little as he found himself involved in the discussion.
" ... Look chief, I'm going on the assumption that as long as there's nothing concrete, you can't blame someone for flirting. It's always nice to try to please, and even nicer if the flirting is returned, even if nothing happens afterwards."
However he grunted:
"...but I must admit that if I saw you flirting with any other guy than me, it would piss me off pretty bad."
His ears perked up as he realized what he'd said, and he stuttered, stuttering:
"I mean, excluding Rufioh, of course."
Horuss smiled, came over and patted his belly gently, as if thanking him for his answer. He turned his attention back to Rufioh:
"Well, let's assume that flirting isn't cheating.
- Then I've never cheated on you."
The Zahhak didn't hide his amazement, followed by his confusion and distrust:
"I asked for an honest answer."
The wounded glare that crossed Rufioh's eyes didn't go unnoticed, though the Nitram tried not to let it show:
"I never cheated on you, he insisted. Since we've been together, I've never kissed anyone but you, never caressed anyone without it being strictly pale, never made love to anyone but you."
He looked away:
"But I've thought about it, a lot. I've flirted here and there, and I've almost given in to temptation many times, especially when you started smiling the whole time. I've... I really wanted to wipe that smile off your face, even if it meant destroying you completely.
- ... Why didn't you?"
Rufioh let out a nervous laugh:
"...you know why. Because I'm a fucking coward who hates conflict. Because just the thought of you crying because of me makes my stomach turn and I want to throw up. Did you even see how I started to cry, while I was insulting you? I... I don't want to pass it off as an act of pure love. I'm just an asshole who can't deal with the consequences. Even if I hated you, even if you really meant nothing to me, I would have reacted the same way, because I'm just... I'm like that."
The silence fell again. Cronus had come to rest his hand on Rufioh's, somewhat reflexively, passing his gaze from one boy to the other.
Horuss bit his tongue, tapping his finger on his knee. He finally massaged his temple:
" ... What do you want me to say to that?"
Rufioh shrugged vaguely, his gaze hopelessly evasive:
" ... I don't know.
- Would you like me to insult you? To confirm your words?
- N-No...
- So you want me to defend you? That I tell you that you are better than that?
- Rah, I don't know, I don't know!"
Horuss grinned:
"Shit, you know what I blame you for, Rufioh Nitram? Not your cowardice, not your selfishness, not your constant desire to please the world even if it means forgetting your own matesprite. No, I reproach you for knowing your faults, for knowing them so well that you can state them yourself, but that you don't make THE SLIGHTEST EFFORT to change! You assume that you are like that, so you stay like that, and that's it!"
Rufioh tensed:
"...you don't change overnight.
- No, but you can try! Anyone can TRY! Not like you, who stays like this, as if it were a foregone conclusion! I hated smiling, so I stopped! Why can't you just tell me you're a coward, but you'll try to be less of one? Why can't you be willing, even if it's just talk?!
- Because I don't want to dangle hopes in the air!"
Horuss left the bed vehemently:
"You don't need words to get your hopes up! Just look at it! You never told me anything about our relationship, and I naively thought everything was fine! But I guess I was the one who was too stupid to realize that I wasn't worth it!"
Rufioh stood up in turn, but, overcome with dizziness, he was forced to stand on the bed, grimacing:
"... a-and what ... It's me who doesn't know what to say! What do you want me to say, that you're not stupid, you've never been stupid? Of course you were never stupid! How can you know things are bad if I don't say anything!
- Then why didn't you say something earlier?!
- I hate conflict!
- Stop with the fucking excuse! You didn't have that excuse when you cheated on Damara! And what conflict did you want to start?! Stop thinking the world will turn against you at the drop of a hat!
- I CAN'T!"
Horuss froze. He had already heard his lover yell. Not screaming.
"I CAN'T STOP FREAKING OUT! BUT HARD TO UNDERSTAND, FOR A BLUE BLOOD SO WELL PLACED IN THE HEMOSPECTRUM, EH?! WHEN YOU HAVE THE MAJORITY OF THE CASTE AT YOUR FEET, YOU CAN AFFORD TO MAKE MISTAKES, BECAUSE NOBODY WILL EVER DARE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING! THE MAUVES ARE IN THEIR BUBBLE PLAYING CLOWNS, THE SAILORS DODGE THE EARTH LIKE THE PLAGUE! YOUR SUPERIORS WILL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LITTLE BLUNDERS, WILL THEY?"
Cronus, who had straightened up in the bed, watched Rufioh's back shake, his fists clenched in rage as his knuckles turned white. The screaming continued, nearly making the walls shake:
"DO YOU KNOW WHERE BRONZES LIKE ME ARE PLACED? ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH A FUCKING MUTATION? DO YOU KNOW HOW THEY TREAT TRASH LIKE ME? WE DON'T EVEN WAIT FOR THEM TO MAKE A MISTAKE TO BEAT THEM UP! BECAUSE THEIR MERE EXISTENCE IS A MISTAKE!"
Horuss turned livid. He had never thought that Rufioh saw his wings as a burden. It was a mutation, yes. But an incredible mutation. He had always thought the bronzeblood was proud to have them, even if it meant he had to hide.
" ... Rufioh... I..."
I didn't know. That's what he was about to say before he interrupted himself. Because yes, he did know. He knew how lowbloods were treated on their planet. He just didn't think that... that Rufioh saw himself that way, as trash. He didn't think he had such low self-esteem. Not to this extent.
Rufioh caught his breath, his throat burning from raising his voice so much... and soon his anger subsided and was replaced by a chilling terror, despite his large size he looked as if he wanted to curl up and disappear:
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... I just wanted..."
His voice was pitiful, his eyes glistening with contained tears, and Horuss wondered how he could have been so blind and selfish to not notice this earlier. How he could have maintained a matesprite relationship for so long with someone he knew so little about.
He thought he was going to cry too, but he didn't and moved closer to the bronze blood, to gently take him in his arms, to pay attention to his wings, to snuggle with him and caress his back. He felt Rufioh tense up, hiccup, a stifled sob before he returned his embrace.
They really needed to communicate more...
Rufioh and Horuss hadn't broken up. Nor had they become matesprites again. They had started a 'boyfriend' relationship, like with Cronus, just to test, to see how to get back on track. To see how to make a three-way relationship work, and where it would lead them.
The next few days were strange, awkward, to say the least. Especially between Rufioh and Horuss, who didn't know very well how to start again their relationship, whereas they knew each other since years
That morning, Cronus woke up in his hive, completely alone. This new three-way relationship didn't mean that they all had to stick together all the time, and somehow that wasn't a bad thing. Especially when the atmosphere between them was so weird. It was normal, of course. They had to take time to find their balance before going on to big projects like... getting married, living together and having lots of kids?
Cronus laughed at this silly thought. He took the time to start his morning routine, getting ready, having breakfast, answering Horuss' messages, which always brought a smile to his face. Then his gaze lingered on Rufioh's account, with whom he hadn't exchanged any messages.
It was embarrassing, really. They had had the opportunity to see each other again since their 'coupling', but of the three of them, it was Horuss who initiated things. Cronus would have liked to go talk to Rufioh himself, but he blocked it out. It... It scared him a little, talking to Rufioh in Horuss' absence. The possibility that the bronze blood would push him away made him tense.
Feeling nervous, he hesitated a bit before sending a message to Kankri: " Hey Chief, I need to discuss something like, really important to me. "
The red blood took a long time to answer: " Cronus, every time we talk it's 'very important' to you. You can obviously tell me anything, my ears -or rather my eyes- remain open and listening so please, tell me everything."
Cronus searched for his words, then simply decided to go without thinking: "Horuss and Rufioh talked about what was wrong between them and decided to start their relationship over, because they still love each other and want to at least try to be together on a good basis" he hastened to add "They didn't dump me, we started a three-way relationship, and please don't talk about quadrants, we decided to try something human" and he added "The thing is that I'm afraid that Rufioh doesn't like me? Horuss made it clear that he cares about me and I really want to believe that, but with Rufioh it gives me the impression that he agreed only for Horuss, but deep down he might not want to hang out with me, and I don't dare ask him out or just start a discussion with him "
This time Kankri took several minutes to react -to the point that Cronus was afraid he had broken it: " Excuse my language but DAMN it !" before continuing with "Alright, I'll do my best not to be outraged by this quadrant thing, even though I'm still convinced that having two matesprites is an outrage, but if it's a human custom then either I'll let you decide about that. Regarding Rufioh, it never occurred to me that he hated you, but I can understand the embarrassment. You have to try to get the abscess out, otherwise you won't move forward. Have you tried to ask him clearly how he feels about you? If you're together for Horuss, that doesn't mean you can't at least be friends does it? "
Cronus bit his lip, " I don't know about that Kank', I'm not especially liked by anyone. The mere fact that Horuss accepts me into his life is a miracle. "
Kankri got angry: " What? Cronus, you're just a flirty, heavy-handed jerk, that doesn't mean we hate you. I like you a lot, I know that Porrim shares my opinion, and despite your history with Mituna, I saw that he had no animosity towards you. Rufioh has no reason to hate you, to tell the truth I can't see Rufioh hating anyone in general, especially in our circle of friends." then he ordered "Send him a message, tell him clearly how you feel, that you would like things to go well between you. Maybe ask him out even, but please, no heavy flirting, the idea isn't to scare him away. "
Cronus pouted, sighed and replied, " Understood chief. "
Well, he had no choice now, did he?
He clicked on Rufioh's account and stood like an idiot in front of the blank message board. How should he start the conversation? Everything that came to him seemed too inappropriate and forced. He didn't want to come across as an insecure guy. He wanted to come across as cool and relaxed, not anxious and paranoid.
He repeated himself several times before finally sending, " Hey Chief, what's up? " Hopefully it was sober enough to not sound like flirting, but not too cold either.
He almost flinched at the immediate response, " Hey doll, nothing new, I just woke up. "
Cronus didn't hide his surprise. With his athletic build, he would have thought Rufioh was an early riser. Another stereotype he had to remove from his mind.
He replied, " Sleep well? " and slapped his forehead. What a stupid question. He thought back to Horuss's comment that Rufioh was the type to close conversations rather than continue them. Maybe the bronze blood didn't think it was worth it because he didn't like such meaningless questions?
He saw Rufioh writing but didn't give him time to answer, adding, " Okay, that was a really lame question. Can we have a serious talk, chief? I don't like to beat around the bush too much. "
Well, it was the truth, he didn't like to dither when he wanted to talk about something in particular, but maybe he should have been less abrupt.
Rufioh's reaction was a surprised smiley face, followed by a " Sure doll, what's up? "
Well, Cronus would never get used to the nickname, he felt himself blushing just reading it. How did the others keep it together? Oh yeah, because they were used to it.
Cronus took a breath, feeling his heart beat a little faster. Come on, this was the moment, he had to do it, he had to get this pressure off his shoulders: " I was thinking that, given our new relationship, maybe we should spend more time together, without Horuss initiating things. Then I thought hey, a guy wouldn't necessarily be happy to share his mate but he'd make the effort to make him happy, even if he hates the guy he's sharing him with. but it's still really sad to have to force himself, so maybe to ease the tension the two guys should try to get along, unless of course the first guy doesn't see the point and doesn't want to waste his time, which the other would totally accept. "
He reread his message, hurriedly and missing words... and he realized what an incomprehensible piece of crap it was.
So, on impulse, he deleted the message, even though it was surely too late, and added anxiously: " Wrong move, chief, sorry. Anyway, nothing important anyway "
Yeah, he was hoping to get that lie swallowed, he really hoped so, because his pavement, in addition to screaming his panic and distress, was very poorly written, which made it even more ridiculous.
He was a ridiculous being.
Rufioh's response shattered his hopes as well as his ego, " You think I hate you? "
He had time to read. Damn it. Shit.
Cronus bit his tongue, shaking a little, " There's nothing wrong with that, chief, but if the relationship is going to last I thought it would be nice to be able to talk to each other without going through Horuss. So that it's cooler for us, you know?" and he added "But it's totally cool if you don't want to of course, I don't want to force you to do anything obviously ".
He ran a hand through his hair, casually combing out a few strands, watching the voicemail tell him that Rufioh was writing.
His heart leapt at the new message, " What are you talking about Cronus? Why should I hate you? Of the two of us, it is you who should hate me. "
The sailor's eyes widened: " What? Why? "
Rufioh sent an embarrassed smiley face then: " You are a much better companion to Horuss than I have been, you have earned to have him in your quadrant, and I am interfering in your relationship. "
Cronus couldn't believe his eyes, " But not at all chief! I mean, okay you didn't do so well with him, but I'm the one interfering between you! "
Rufioh looked confused: " No, it's me. And you yourself mentioned that you don't like the world hanging around me, and I can understand that." he sent a second message "I mean, everyone wants me in a quadrant when I've already cheated on one partner and made the second one miserable. You flirt sincerely but you have no quadrant, and the day you can get one, I have to be there to ruin it. I would understand if you were mad at me."
Okay, put that way, Cronus understood the point. But, "Yeah, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of your popularity. Despite your mistakes you still project the image of the warm, confident guy, and I understand why people care about that. I'd give anything to reflect that image." Whoa, okay, that was deeper than he had originally intended. He tried to bounce back "But frankly I'm just happy if it can work out between you and Horuss, as long as he's happy that's all that matters. "
Rufioh's answer took longer, and it worried him deeply, making him imagine the worst. Had he blundered? Said something wrong?
He read Rufioh's new message apprehensively ... and stopped breathing, " Do you want to meet up today? "
He choked, struggled to write as his hands trembled, " Sure, yes, of course" and added hesitantly, "All three of us...? "
Rufioh took his breath away again: "No, only you and me. Wasn't that the original idea? To be together without having to rely on Horuss all the time?"
Cronus swallowed, " Yes, of course," and feverishly asked, "Your place or mine? "
Rufioh's answer was immediate: " My place? We could eat in front of a movie. "
It sounded like a date. Or a simple outing with friends. Shit, Cronus didn't know how to see it: " Yeah, perfect chef, I'll be there for lunch. "
Rufioh sent him a smiley face and logged off.
Cronus managed to catch his breath. Oh shit... Oh shit... He went back to the bathroom in a hurry, to check his reflection in the mirror, to examine his outfit, to fix his hair which was already styled. Was it good enough, not too ridiculous? Would Rufioh really care? Wasn't it shameful to make himself so presentable for a date that might not be a date?
He sent a desperate message to Kankri: " We'll meet at his place, I can't figure out if it's a love or friendship date! "
Kankri replied with a rolling smiley face before saying, " Cronus, you are really starting to lose me. I thought you wanted a friendly relationship, why are you bringing up love? Do you also have feelings for Rufioh, just like Horuss, and that's why you are so nervous? "
Cronus froze. He wasn't even able to answer, rereading his friend's message and feeling something twist inside him, a realization he wasn't quite sure he wanted to accept.
Kankri sent back another message, " I'll take your silence as a positive response. Do you want to talk about it? "
The sailor dropped into a chair, clutching his phone between his feverish fingers: "I always admired Rufioh, for the aura he gave off. I've always envied him too, for how easily he was loved by people. But I don't think I'm in love. I don't know, Chief, you're catching me off guard." a few seconds of thought, then "I've wondered what it would be like to date him, I've hit on him, but to say I love him?" another few seconds of thought... and his throat closing "Oh fuck Kank', I think I love him "
He could almost imagine Kankri raising an eyebrow as he replied, " And as a result, is it a problem for this human thing you're testing? In a three-way relationship, maybe it's easier for all of you to love each other, rather than two of the trio loving only the third. No ? Though it's true that there's no evidence that Rufioh returns your feelings, but in which case, is it really a problem if you at least manage to be friends? "
Cronus ran a hand over his face, taking a breath, trying to fight off the deep unease that came to grip his heart. It took him a few moments to answer, " I don't know. "
He wasn't used to having relationships of any kind.
Kankri's next message didn't exactly reassure him: " Talk to Rufioh about it when you go to see him, make things clear. It's not good for you to keep this to yourself. Also try to get Horuss on board, he is concerned after all. "
Cronus sighed as he logged out of the app. He loved Kankri, he really did, but his comrade sometimes seemed to not grasp how hard it was to just... talk.
He let a few more minutes pass, until his body decided to move without getting dizzy, and tried not to dwell on his appearance or his feelings.
He was going to go to Rufioh's, have as good a time as possible, and most importantly NOT screw up.
That was the initial idea, but as he let his footsteps guide him down the street, his thoughts continued to assail and torture him with stupid worries. Maybe he should have put on another jacket, maybe he should have taken a shower before leaving (even though he had taken one last night), or maybe he should have worn some perfume? No, not perfume, he only took it out on special occasions, as it tended to sting his gills.
He sighed, praying that walking wouldn't make him sweat. He didn't want to arrive at Rufioh's house exhausted and soaked. He should ask Dirk to set up a teleporter at his house in the future. It would be much easier-
"Cronus! ~ "
He froze sharply and had to make all the effort in the world to keep a quiet demeanor, turning around normally with his hands in his pockets and a cool smile on his lips. He met Meenah's mocking gaze, as well as her smile full of sharp fangs.
"Hey Meenah, what's up?
- That's for me to ask. Aren't you with Horuss today?"
She had moved surprisingly close, entering his living space with such naturalness that he didn't even have time to back down. Did he really have the right to complain about it? He who was always looking for affection, had exactly this kind of attitude with everyone. But in Meenah's case, if she came closer to him like that, it wasn't to have a friendly contact but to push him to the wall.
He hated the power she had over him. He was the first to say that there was no more cast system, no more hemospectrum and therefore no more hierarchy, but he was also the first to feel subservient to Meenah Peixes, once his direct superior. She had power over him, and she knew it. Even though he tried to hide it, even though he treated her the same way he treated all their friends, he couldn't help the trembling, the fear that gripped his heart.
Cronus moistened his lips, hesitated to take out a cigarette but held back, knowing it would betray his unease even more. So he shrugged and winked at the young woman:
"Horuss to his own business. We don't need to be stuck together all the time.
- He doesn't have to stick to you. But the reverse isn't true.
- I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, chief.
- We both know that's not true, Cro' ~ You're a little wiggler in constant need of attention. The only thing holding you back from sticking your new toy is the fear that he'll get tired of you."
Cronus tensed. For a moment, the hand in his pocket clutched his cigarette pack. But once again he held back and sighed dramatically exaggerated:
"You are cruel my beautiful! Do you underestimate me that much? I don't only have Horuss in my life.
- Oh yes, that's right, I forgot that you have full quadrants!"
Another jab that went right into his stomach. He continued his exaggerated pout, his drama queen overacting:
"Ah Meenah, is this a way to let me know you're interested? Unfortunately the matesprite is already taken, but I still have room for a moirail! Oh, unless... No ? Would you like a black romance?"
She rolled her eyes and giggled:
"Oh no, I don't hate you that much! But I'm mostly curious to see how long your little stunt will last."
Cronus frowned:
" ... As Horuss has already said, our relationship is our own business."
She waved her hand vaguely:
"Yes yes, of course. Your beautiful and wonderful relationship straight out of a fairy tale. Tell me, how long have Horuss and Rufioh been broken up? Almost two weeks now? It's really like in fiction, isn't it, the two protagonists who fall in love when they've only spoken once or twice~ "
Cronus felt his mask crack, his jaw clenching as his ears twitched a little:
"It's not like we just met, we've all been hanging out for a while.
- You're right, our group has been together for so long I almost forget the times we weren't together. But wait a minute, in all this time, how often has Horuss paid attention to you?"
Cronus swallowed, wanted to answer but Meenah cut him off, smiling broadly:
"Oh yes, it's true! Zero! No, once if you count your current relationship. And, how surprising, he's interested in you when he's coming out of a terrible breakup. But hey, it must be just a coincidence.
- I've already discussed it with him. Maybe he was looking for comfort at first, but I know he cares about me!
- Oh yeah, he told you that?
- Of course he told me! And I have no reason to doubt him, he is honest!
- And he told you like this? 'I care about you'?
- Yes!"
This time she laughed, a laugh that made Cronus livid and caused his ears to droop.
"Ahahah, Cronus, you're so cute! I sometimes wonder how someone so high up in the hemospectrum can be so naive!
- ... There is no more hemospectrum.
- He tells you that he 'cares for you' as one would say to a little dog who brings us comfort. That's right, you have become his little dog! Although no, even to a dog you would say "I love you"! So what are you at this point, his comforting booty call?"
Cronus was speechless. She was right. She was right, Horuss had never said 'I love you' to him. Not that he hadn't realized it before, but... it wasn't like he needed to hear it, right? The gestures spoke for themselves. The hugs, the caresses, the kisses... It meant more than just 'I love you'... didn't it?
Cronus felt heavy:
"We're not there yet. We're... We're still finding our way in our relationship.
- Oh, so you're not even matesprite! Ahah, I thought so too. I'll almost have a burst of pity for you but, ah no, I'm already red for someone, what a shame~"
But Cronus didn't think it was funny anymore due to everything, if he had been uncomfortable, he was now completely defensive and ready to attack:
"I don't even see how that's any of your business... He was annoyed. We're taking the time to build a good relationship, and if it doesn't work out, what harm will it do?
- You're right, it will just be another failure to add to your list~"
Cronus clenched his fists, felt himself shaking with rage, almost forgetting his fear towards the young woman :
"What the hell is wrong with you? You're not looking for a black romance but you're still trying to push me around?!"
He barely perceived the look she threw to the side. It was too fleeting and she didn't delay to answer him, with the same mocking smile:
"I'm trying to see how long you're going to last playing this stupid drama queen pretty boy role. That's the whole problem with guys like you: no one wants you, you're looking for company but you can only get used to the loneliness, and even though it hurts you know how to deal with that shit because it's your comfort zone."
She grabbed him sharply by the collar, forcing him to bend down to her level, and her smile seemed to turn into something more sadistic:
"But you've just left that comfort zone, you're finally facing a real relationship, the warmth of having someone with you, someone who finally cares... And I can't wait to see you go back to your cold, miserable fucking loneliness, when Horuss realizes he doesn't need you anymore, when he manages to move on and find himself someone who really deserves it~ Someone who won't be a pathetic purple blood barely able to face the heiress he was supposed to serve for so many years~"
Cronus' rage fell back, replaced by a wave of cruel, suffocating helplessness. Meenah's hand didn't let go of him, still holding his collar so tightly that his throat ached, and he felt too weak, too shaky, to manage to pull away.
She laughed:
"But hey, I guess we can at least thank you for giving him confidence. At the very least, it will help him re-establish a proper relationship with his real matesprite."
She looked to the side again, quite long this time:
"Isn't that right, Rufioh?"
Cronus' face fell completely. He turned in horror, to see the bronze blood who had been standing there frozen, probably long enough to have heard some of the conversation.
His heart was pounding harder, so hard that it felt like someone was punching his rib cage. Why did it have to be like this? Why was he always so miserable no matter how hard he tried to improve? He didn't know what hurt the most, what made him want to run away. The idea of being a pass for Horuss? The fact that he would be ridiculed in front of Rufioh? Or the fucking bitter thought that agreed with Meenah, that approved of everything she said, that twisted his insides and clogged his gills?
As for Rufioh, he didn't know how to react. He hadn't even planned to listen to the conversation in the first place. He had simply gone looking for Cronus when he saw that he was taking time and not answering his messages. And now he saw a proud and mocking Meenah, facing a feverish and pale Cronus.
The vision reminded him of Beforus, the hemospectrum, the bond of servitude between Meenah and Cronus. It was easy to forget their blood when their whole group was having fun together. But it was suddenly a slap in the face to realize that even they, placed at the very top of the hierarchy, were still stuck in this system. It was terrible to see a purple blood, so haughty and proud, being as terrified as a lowblood would be.
Rufioh felt as if he had been shot in the heart when he saw Cronus wince, turn his head away, run a hand over his face and make a pathetic sound as if he was crying or about to cry. His legs reacted by themselves, and before he was fully aware of it, he found himself close to the two sailors, raised his hand...
... and never thought himself capable of a slap.
Meenah widened her eyes, taking a step back under the impact, her cheek reddened by the blow. Cronus was startled, looked at the young woman with bewilderment, then at Rufioh with confusion. And Rufioh... froze. Looked at his hand, then at Meenah, then at his hand again, trying to process what he had just done.
" ... Oh fuck... did you... did you...?" Meenah didn't seem to be in so much physical pain, but the gesture itself had shocked him deeply.
Rufioh broke out in a cold sweat. He opened his mouth, but the 'sorry' remained stuck in his throat. Because he didn't like the conflict, but she didn't have to act that way. He didn't want to hit her, but what right did she have to make Cronus cry? What right did she have to belittle him to the point where he was a shadow of his former self? What right did she have to turn to him and think he would approve?
Rufioh clenched his teeth, then grabbed Cronus in his arms and flew away without warning. He was pissed... Hell, he was really, really pissed, and it showed in the way he held the sailor against him, as if there was no more precious thing at that moment.
Cronus, who had yelped in surprise, clung to him in fear of heights. He had never flown other than on derse, that is, by his own means, and that was a lifetime ago. Being so dependent on someone, while standing several meters in the sky, gave him a certain vertigo that pushed him to huddle against the taller man.
Rufioh glanced at him. Had Cronus always been so light? So shaky and vulnerable? So small? He had noticed, of course, that the sailor was nowhere near his build, but right now, seeing him so devastated in his arms, he seemed more fragile than ever. He wanted to hold him tighter, to kiss him, to tell him that everything would be all right.
That's what he did.
He landed in front of his hive, opened the door with his foot, refusing to let go of the purple blood. He went into the living room, dropped onto the sofa, and let go of Cronus with one arm only to come and stroke his hair and kiss his temple.
Cronus gave a squeak, his eyes closed, confused by this attitude.
"... It's all right, doll, Rufioh whispered. Don't listen to that bitch, she's not worth it."
Cronus bit his lip, shook his head without managing to speak, because at the slightest word he knew he would cry. Nitram frowned but remained gentle, moving from his hair to his companion's horn, drawing a shudder from the smaller one.
" ... Horuss doesn't say 'I love you' all the time, I myself had a hard time getting it out of him... But I assure you that his feelings for you are that strong."
He returned to kiss her face:
"...and...and so am I. I would never have agreed to a threesome if I didn't like you. It's still awkward, but we'll be fine. We're off to a good start."
He lifted Cronus' face and Cronus reopened his wet, hesitant eyes. Rufioh gave him a gentle smile:
"We won't leave you alone anymore."
Cronus jerked back, clamping a hand over his mouth to stifle a sob. But Rufioh recovered this hand, spreading him, leaving his mouth uncovered. Mouth that he came to cover with his lips, in the most tender of kisses. It was as if he opened the valve, and he moved aside to let Cronus start to cry without him trying to hold back.
He cradled him, welcomed the tears in silence, continuing to kiss and caress the feverish body against him. If Rufioh was awkward at comforting in public, he wasn't so awkward when he was in private.
They stayed a long time like that, in the quiet of the hive, first punctuated by Cronus's cries, then by his panting breath when he calmed down, and finally a pleasant silence only interspersed with their softer breaths.
"...you slapped Meenah..." murmured Cronus finally.
Rufioh nodded:
"Yeah... I slapped Meenah..."
Then, realizing what he was saying, he forgot to murmur, his face losing color:
"Oh fuck, I slapped Meenah."
And he probably would have panicked at this realization, if he hadn't had Cronus' laughter to interrupt him. A laugh that was contained at first, then escaped the sailor's control and became louder, more outspoken, to fill the room with a touch of mirth that they sorely missed:
"Ahahah, yes! I'm dreaming! Did you see her face?"
Cronus had straightened up, his eyes reddened but a big smile lighting up his face:
"She was so dumbfounded! Ahahah!"
Rufioh smiled, then laughed back:
"Yes. Yes, it's true, ahah!
- She's not going to let this go, you know that, right?
- Argh, I can tell doll. Please praise me at my funeral."
Cronus made a vague theatrical gesture and recited a mock tearful speech:
" 'He may not have had much in his head, but at least he was beautiful as a god!' "
Rufioh gave him a light punch in the arm with a laugh:
"Hey! Say right now that I'm stupid!
- Sorry, I'll take it back! "He only had his anime on his mind, that didn't stop him from being a nice guy!"
- What's wrong with anime dolls?
- That's a nerd thing~"
The bronze blood made an adorable pout, and Cronus couldn't help but smile at that. But eventually that smile disappeared, and he looked away, massaging the back of his neck:
"...but seriously...thanks for stepping in. I mean... I mean, I wish you hadn't witnessed it, but I'm glad you stood up for me.
- Did you think I would react differently?
- It's just... yeah? I mean, I didn't think you would slap her.
- We were all surprised."
Rufioh gave him a thin smile:
"My body reacted by itself. I saw the state you were in and ... and it pissed me off."
They exchanged a look, only to realize that Cronus was still snuggled up to him. Their faces colored with embarrassment, and they cleared their throats, sitting down next to each other.
" ... So, um, yeah... you... we're still doing our movie session? offered Rufioh. It would give me a chance to show you my 'nerd anime'"
Cronus chuckled:
"I'd love to, chief. And what's for dinner?
- I was thinking of ordering pizza?
- Don't you have any more food to cook? I thought Horuss had done the shopping?"
The taller man made an embarrassed pout and ran a hand through his hair:
"It's just that... cooking and me, it's not a great love story."
Cronus held back another laugh. Indeed, Horuss had already said something to him.
He stood up, regaining his charming smile, and winked at the host:
"Let me do it chef, I'm an ace cook!
- ... Seriously? the bronze man looked at him with big eyes.
- You doubt my talent?"
It's not so much that Rufioh doubted him, but rather that he didn't see someone like Cronus doing better than him in the kitchen. It just didn't fit physically. But he had to admit, seeing the sailor handle the utensils with such ease, that he had been terribly prejudiced. Soon a sweet smell wafted through the kitchen and into the rest of the hive, making the lowblood salivate, and he was definitely not in the mood for pizza anymore.
Cronus served them plates, and his host didn't wait to be seated to take a first bite. The dish was hot, but he didn't care, he could handle the heat well, and boy, it was just too good for him to care about the temperature alone:
"This is delicious! he almost shouted. Damn, as good as Horuss' cooking, I didn't think that was possible!"
He saw Cronus blush and flinch a little at his compliment, then try to pull himself together and display his flirtatious air. His attempt to hide his embarrassment was adorable, and if he hadn't had his hands and mouth full, Rufioh would have come back and kissed him.
Deciding to be a good host anyway, he let Cronus come back and settle on the sofa while he himself abandoned his plate on the table, to go and get the remote control and turn on the TV, going immediately to the video platform in search of a good anime to show.
"What do you like? he asked.
- Mm... Whatever you want chief, I don't have a particular preference.
- Really? Isn't there a theme that tempts you, an atmosphere that attracts you?"
Cronus hesitated a little, weighing the pros and cons before confessing, almost like a secret:
"Magic... ?
- Okay, something with magic ...
- What about guns?
- Guns?"
Rufioh repeated as he looked at Cronus, then remembered his comrade's weapon of choice. He nodded:
"Okay, I think I have something, but do you like things a little psychological?
- It depends... I'm a little uncomfortable with big introspection.
- Mm, no, that would be more of an abstract thing. I mean... the analysis would be upstream, not directly in the anime.
- Well, why not?"
Rufioh smiled broadly as he sat back down:
"Perfect, I hope you like it!"
It had to be said that he didn't often have the opportunity to show "Puella Magi Madoka Magica" to someone.
They hadn't necessarily planned to watch the whole thing, but eventually the season ended as the evening began. They had spent the afternoon on the couch, eyes glued to the screen, Cronus discovering the show with big greedy eyes while Rufioh was rediscovering it with the same intensity.
The last episode ended, the living room filled with the music of the credits.
The two boys caught their breath, having struggled to breathe as they watched.
" ... So doll?" questioned Rufioh as he turned... before freezing.
Cronus ran a hand over his face, wiping his wet eyes that were letting out a few tears. He looked completely distraught:
" ... I... I don't know what to say. Whoa. Just... Whoa."
The sailor moistened his lips, putting his thoughts back in order:
"That was... Incredible. It starts out so simple, and it turns out this way and ... amazing. The whole time you're hoping it's going to get better, and the show just manages to make you feel so hopeless. It plays with the codes to make us hope for the best and in the end we only get the worst, and the tension rises and rises and... Shit, it's not even a happy ending, is it? I can't see it as a happy ending, I just want to cry so bad, it's suffocating."
Rufioh was stunned:
" ... Whoa, Cro' ... that's deep."
The sailor pouted and nudged him:
"You're the one who told me it was psychological!"
He took a deep breath as he let himself go against the back of the couch:
" ... I just need a moment.
- Sure, take your time."
Rufioh didn't think he'd upset him that much, even though he himself had been in that state the first time. He came gently to caress the ear of the sailor, avoiding the too sensitive point and contenting himself to caress quietly to help him to calm.
Cronus closed his eyes and let him, his body relaxing little by little.
"... that was great," he finally concluded.
Rufioh felt himself smile:
"Really? Did you like it?
- Yeah, for sure! The story, the atmosphere, the animation... It was amazing. I loved the experience.
- We'll have to do it again, baby! There's so much great anime!"
Cronus reopened one eye and returned his smile:
"With pleasure!"
And Rufioh was happy, happy to be able to share his passion with someone who had a real interest in it.
This struck him. It was clear that Horuss had never shared his interests, even if he tried... But could he blame him, when he himself had little interest in what he was doing?
The evening was well underway when Horuss received a message from Cronus, who gave him a little summary of his day. He was happy to hear that he and Rufioh had met and had a good time together. It was encouraging for the continuation of their relationship.
He answered happily, telling him that he was proud of them and that they shouldn't hesitate to do it again if they liked it. Knowing that his two men could share interests gave him a warm feeling. He could have been jealous - maybe he was a little jealous deep down - but he preferred to rejoice.
The Zahhak was now in his workshop, having worked on a project ... all day, in fact, as his stomach rumbled. He had forgotten to eat, too obsessed with his work. However, he didn't feel like cooking. He sighed, took off his headgear, letting his head breathe a little. He grabbed a towel to dry his sweaty hands and face, before standing up and taking the time to stretch.
He was going to try to take a shower and eat at least a little. It wasn't good to neglect himself under the pretext of being tired. So he left the workshop, phone in hand, to continue sending a few messages to Cronus, although the time indicated that his companion would soon be going to bed. That was one of the surprising things he had learned from Cronus: the sailor went to bed early, much earlier than he thought. He never went past midnight.
Horuss thought he should do the same, if only to get rid of the dark circles under his face.
He was about to enter the bathroom when he received another message, this time from Rufioh. Surprised, stunned even, he opened the conversation, " Hey doll, how are you doing? "
Horuss found it hard not to widen his eyes. He wasn't used to the bronze blood engaging in discussion, let alone with such a trivial question, as if he cared about him - he probably did, but Horuss was skeptical. However, he answered normally: " Good evening Ruf', everything is fine, I'm done working for today. What about you? I understand you had a good time with Cronus? "
He was in the process of undressing when Rufioh replied, " Yeah, it was great, I even found out he could cook! It was super good!" Nitram's enthusiasm made him smile, though again he felt a twinge of sadness. He too could cook, and there was a time when Rufioh complimented him on it. Nevertheless, he received another message from his companion: "But you've been working until this hour? You're not overworking yourself, are you? "
His concern was almost touching, but Horuss was used to it. It wasn't the first time he'd gone into an intensive session with no time to spare, " It's all right, I'll wash up and maybe order something to eat. Although on second thought, I don't know if it still delivers at this hour? "
He had finished undressing when his boyfriend offered, " Some Troll restaurants do. Maybe I could pick up something on the way and join you? We could eat together? "
Horuss remained speechless, completely taken aback. What? He had to read the message again. How long had it been since Rufioh had made him such a proposal? He almost panicked that Nitram would withdraw his request, that his usual lack of confidence would cause him to say ' No, forget it, sorry '. So he hurriedly sent, " Sure, yes, that would be great! "
His face had taken on a soft blue hue as Rufioh responded with a smiling smiley face and a, " Great doll, any particular craving? "
The Zahhak was won over by a blissful, almost emotional smile as he fell back into a soft nostalgia, feeling like he was going back to the beginning of his relationship with Nitram: " Nothing too spicy, otherwise I'm open to anything. "
Another smiley face from Rufioh, this time a thumbs up followed by a " See you in a bit ," and Horuss took his shower with a light heart, feeling like he was floating on a little cloud.
He hesitated a bit about getting dressed, but finally opted for a casual outfit. Something that could be worn outside, but that wouldn't be too embarrassing to sleep in.
He was drying his hair when the doorbell rang, and he abandoned what he was holding to go and open the door, despite the fact that his hair was still a little damp. He was greeted by Rufioh's warm smile, as well as the bag that he raised proudly in front of him, a sweet smell emanating from it:
"The courier has arrived!"
It was adorable to see him blush despite his attempt to appear confident, and Horuss could only smile fondly as he let him in:
"Welcome."
Rufioh entered, taking off his shoes in the entrance, then they looked at each other for long seconds... And the awkwardness, which they had been experiencing the last few days, returned. When they went to each other's homes, they had gotten into the habit of kissing. But as their relationship crumbled, the kisses had become fleeting and lifeless, a daily gesture done more out of reflex or obligation than out of real desire.
Were they supposed to kiss now?
Rufioh made the decision: he leaned in, but instead of the usual kiss on the lips, he kissed her tenderly on the cheek.
Both of them blushed even more. Why was such an innocent kiss so embarrassing to them, where they had already experienced much hotter things?
"H-Hum... Shall I set us up in the kitchen?" asked Nitram shyly.
Again surprised, Horuss nodded and let his companion set the table, while he went to put away the hair dryer abandoned earlier. What the hell was going on tonight? Of course, he had noticed that Rufioh was trying to make an effort, but he expected small changes as he went along. His companion was always offering to eat at his place, in front of the TV. And tonight he was coming to the Zahhak's house and accepting a one-on-one meal without a screen?
It was confusing, a contrast to their old ways... and Horuss sincerely hoped it would last, that they wouldn't fall back into their old routine in a few weeks. He liked the way their relationship was changing.
He joined Rufioh and his stomach made another noise at the sight of food. He was really, really hungry. He saw Nitram's amused smile and it made him laugh, not embarrassed to be hungry. They started to eat quietly, in a comfortable silence at first. But maybe not comfortable enough for Rufioh, who cleared his throat and asked, with some hesitation:
"So, all of a sudden, what were you working on today?"
Horuss watched him, wondering again if he was dreaming, if his companion was really trying to be interested in his project. He swallowed his mouthful and searched for words:
"Well, I'm trying to develop a prototype earpiece before I give Meulin back his hearing.
- What, really? That's possible?
- Anything is possible if you do it the right way. I'm sharing my progress with Equius, who is doing his own research, and with Dirk. Did you know that the humans are much more advanced than we are on this side? They've already developed the cochlear implant, but I think there's a way to improve it drastically, and above all it has to be adapted to trolls, as our metabolism isn't the same as the human one."
Rufioh tried to follow, nodding as he said the words before finally wincing a little. Horuss held back a sigh and took another bite, thinking that maybe he should have made it simpler, or shortened the explanation... At least they had tried, right?
"...sorry doll, but what is 'cochlear'?"
Horuss looked at him in amazement. Not because he didn't know the word, but because he had dared to ask him. Rufioh Nitram, who dared not disturb others and kept his questions to himself, had dared to ask him the definition. This time the Zahhak could not hold back, approaching a huge smile, perhaps even bigger than the one he once forced himself to have:
"Well, roughly summarized, it's an artificial ear. It allows you to pick up sounds and transform them to send them to the auditory nerves!"
Well, he still needed to work on the subject and was going to avoid dithering on it too much because he didn't know all the details yet and was afraid of saying something stupid, but he was glad to be able to explain his knowledge and to receive real attention.
Rufioh listened quietly, and his wings waved in excitement, happy to see the Zahhak smile so sincerely. To think that it would have been enough to make some efforts in the past, to see this smile earlier. But he had to be an idiot unable to show interest.
This wasn't the time to blame himself, he had decided to change and be better for Horuss, and he intended to keep that resolution!
They continued to discuss Horuss' plans, with Rufioh paying as much attention as he could, and in return the Zahhak asked about his day, about the anime he had watched with Cronus, if it was good and if he could potentially enjoy it. They came to the conclusion that, while Horuss liked to have thoughts on the works, he was not attracted to the 'magical' side.
"Actually, instead of showing you anime, I should show you some analysis on it! proposed Rufioh.
- Analysis?
- Lots of people analyze and theorize about artworks, it's really interesting, especially when the work is abstract. It often brings out a lot of things, and when you look at the work again you feel like you're rediscovering it in a different way.
- Oh, that could be interesting!"
It was Rufioh's turn to smile, all too happy that they agreed.
As they cleared the table, Horuss spoke up again:
"It's really late. Do you want to stay the night?"
Rufioh blushed:
" ... If I'm not disturbing... I mean, yes, with pleasure!"
The Zahhak smiled, and this time it was he who came to kiss him on the cheek.
They went to the bathroom. Rufioh didn't know what to say when he saw that his companion had kept his toothbrush, which he had accidentally forgotten before their brief breakup. He thought Horuss would have thrown it away. Horuss himself seemed embarrassed to have kept it, as if this possession admitted that he hadn't accepted the breakup well, that he was still too attached to the bronze blood to accept it completely.
Once their toilet was finished, they went to the room and the host lay down with a happy sigh, welcoming the comfort of the bed with a badly dissimulated pleasure. Rufioh smiled and joined him, lying down beside him, taking care of his wings. They didn't touch, but exchanged a gentle glance.
" ... It makes me feel good that you're here..." Horuss admitted.
Rufioh's face took on a lovely bronze hue:
" ... Me too. I'm glad to be with you."
They hesitated a little longer. The intimacy of the room always brought something strange to the atmosphere. Horuss dared to move a little closer, Rufioh opened his arms as an invitation, and they snuggled together, finding that embrace they had missed so much.
"Ruf'?
- Yes doll?
- I've been thinking a lot about what you said. About your blood and your wings."
Nitram tensed a little, but remained attentive.
" ... You're right, I guess I haven't had an easy life, but I know my problems are nothing compared to yours. I'm sorry I never understood that. Everyone loves you, and you're aware of that, so I thought you loved yourself too, that you didn't consider yourself a 'mistake'."
Horuss kissed his neck:
" ... You aren't a mistake. No troll is. Even less so now that there is no hierarchy."
He looked him in the eye, eyebrows furrowed:
"And if I hear anyone argue the opposite, I'll blow them away."
Rufioh opened his eyes wide, only to giggle and crack up, coming to laugh out loud. He rested his forehead against Zahhak's, blushing and his ears wagging happily:
"Ahah... It's kind of nice to know you're protected~ I'll always protect you.
- I will always protect you."
Horuss gently placed his mouth against his, not pressing, wishing for a simple touch. Then against his lips he whispered tenderly:
"I love you."
Rufioh was stammering, feeling completely melted:
"M-Me too I love you... with all my heart!"
Horuss laughed, touched.
Rufioh thought it was adorable, but he almost jumped when he remembered Cronus:
"Ah! You'll have to tell Cro' too!
- What? Why?"
The Zahhak wasn't quite sure why he was making such a request of him, as if it were an emergency, and his companion looked anxious:
"Today I caught him with Meenah. She was telling him awful things. In particular that he was only a pass for you, that you would soon throw him away and come back to me."
Horuss sat up abruptly:
"WHAT?!
- Calm down doll, I've got it covered... I took Cronus with me and reassured him as best I could. But I think it would really help him to hear an 'I love you'? He seems very wordy."
The host's face had hardened:
"...he didn't tell me anything about this interaction.
- He probably didn't want to worry you.
- I'm supposed to be there for him! We're supposed to tell each other everything!"
Rufioh straightened up in turn to cup his face and gently stroke his cheeks:
"Horuss, baby, calm down. He and I had a good afternoon. So he must have just moved on and forgotten to tell you. It's no big deal."
He smiles at him:
"You have to be able to communicate, that's true, but that doesn't mean we're all going to review our days, does it?"
The Zahhak sighed piteously:
"...yes, you're right."
He closed his eyes, enjoying the caresses on his cheeks as Rufioh enjoyed watching him relax. His wings twitched as he had an idea:
"How about I give you a massage?
- M-Massage?"
Rufioh nodded:
"Yes, after a whole day of work, it would be good for you!
- ... I guess that's acceptable, yes?"
Nitram invited him to lie on his stomach, and he came to sit on him, being careful not to put all his weight -although he knew that Zahhak was fit to support him. He let his hands run down his back, thinking that maybe he should have taken off his shirt first, but in the end it wasn't so bad. He grabbed his tense shoulders and put the necessary strength to untie the knots. He knew that with Horuss, messages didn't have to be delicate.
"Ah...yes...just like that..." the blue blood breathed softly, eyes closed.
Rufioh was doing pretty well with massages, and while he took the time to take care of his lover, he wondered if Cronus might need one as well. He should think about offering it to him, next time he saw him.
Another idea came to him:
" ... Do you remember our first date?"
He felt Horuss' surprise:
"The picnic on top of the hill? When the shooting stars rained down?
- That's the one.
- Of course I remember that. It was wonderful. Ahah, you were all blushy when you asked me.
- Hey, don't make fun, doll, I don't do 'real' dates, I really thought I was making a fool of myself that day.
- You didn't. You were adorable, I have very good memories of it."
Rufioh stopped his massage for a moment under the embarrassment, then resumed as if nothing had happened, thanking the heavens that Horuss wasn't looking at him, otherwise he really wouldn't have assumed his face empurpled.
"Well, I was thinking... there won't be a shooting star shower, but a picnic all three of us, with Cronus, could be fun.
- But yes, very good idea!"
Enthusiastically, Horuss reached out to grab his phone:
"I'm going to propose to him, when do you want to do that?
- Oh, well, when the three of us are free. Ask him about his availability."
He watched the blue blood send the message, before tensing up when his lover addressed him again, a small smile on his face:
"You two get along well.
- That's true.
- I'm glad, I was afraid it would go wrong.
- Oh, uh... why?"
Horuss laid back a little better for Rufioh to continue the massage, while searching for his words:
" ... How to say... First of all, because I started a relationship with him. You could have taken it badly. And then... let's not lie to each other, you and I have never liked him very much. In the past, we both shunned his advances. And today we have a three-way relationship."
Rufioh hesitated, before sighing:
"...if I can be honest...I didn't run away from him because he was flirty. I like being flirted with, it's good for my ego.
- ... so why?
- ... because he reminds me of me."
Horuss turned his head slightly to glance at him. Rufioh looked away:
" ... This is ... a conversation I don't feel like having. Not right now.
- ... would you rather have it in the presence of Cronus?"
The bronze blood hesitated: did he want to? In reality, he would have preferred to keep the subject quiet but...
"...yeah. Yeah, could we talk about it on the date?
- Sure."
Horuss gently took one of his hands and interlaced their fingers:
"You can tell us anything Ruf'.
- I know, baby. And it's mutual.
- I know."
He hesitated again:
"Horuss?
- Yes?
- I love you."
The Zahhak laughed tenderly:
"I love you too."
Cronus nervously triturated his fingers. He observed himself in the mirror, smoothed his jacket, his hair, bit his lip and looked at his make-up, by restraining himself nevertheless to add some. He had put just what it was necessary to put his assets in values without denaturing himself. He wanted to be as natural as possible, even if it was difficult for him.
He breathed in, checked the time for the umpteenth time. Horuss and Rufioh would be picking him up soon. They had arranged a date for tonight, and they had said 'date'. They hadn't told him anything else, no additional details, nothing that could betray what they were going to do. They had just told him that they would spend the evening together and that they would pick him up at a certain time.
And now Cronus was dying of apprehension. Had he dressed properly for the occasion? What if they took him to a place where his outfit wasn't appropriate? What if he didn't take something he needed? He hadn't been told to bring anything specific but...
The bell interrupted his thoughts and he rushed without thinking into the hall to open the door. He tried to regain his face composed of his charming look and his smirk, but he was afraid that his anxiety would show too much.
So his face didn't last a moment, giving way to a deep stupor when he came face to face with a bouquet of flowers larger than his head, held by his two lovers as if they had planned this little surprise in advance - and they probably had.
"Good evening Cro'! greeted Horuss tenderly.
- Ready to be kidnapped doll?" added Rufioh with a wink.
Cronus blinked, flushed, his hands shyly taking the bouquet:
"I ... Yes ! "
He cleared his throat and tried to pull himself together, but his flirty smile looked more like a confused pout:
"Always up for a good night out, of course. You'll be lucky to be in my company~"
He saw the other two hold back a laugh and it made him blush even more. Horuss came over and kissed him on the cheek, and obviously he was holding back from doing more :
"Very good company. You look beautiful."
Oh shit. Such a sudden and sincere compliment. Cronus' heart missed a beat, and when Rufioh put an arm around his waist it didn't help.
"Let's go doll, I can't wait to get your opinion on where we should go tonight!"
The sailor let himself be dragged, finding himself a little overwhelmed by being so surrounded by his two companions, who held him so intimately as if it were the most normal thing in the world. It was exhilarating to have the feeling that they were possessive of him, that they wanted to keep him close to them. Exhilarating and a little too nice, Cronus was almost afraid that this was all a charade.
"Can I have a clue where we're going?" he finally asked, more to cut the silence than out of any real curiosity.
Horuss chuckled:
"No no, it's a total surprise.
- Oh, come on Horse, just a little hint! A word, a letter... a mime!
- Ahah, no, plus I'm bad at miming."
Cronus made an exaggerated pout and turned to Rufioh. The bronze blood had a backward movement as he innocently raised his hands:
"Ah, I wouldn't say anything either, I'd risk getting hit!"
Horuss rolled his eyes, a teasing smile on his lips:
"Come on Ruf', I would never hit you, I have many other ways to punish you~"
Rufioh flushed at the hint and looked away, embarrassed. Cronus felt his face burn as well, but he preferred to bounce off the insinuation maliciously:
"I'd like to see that~"
The Zahhak chuckled:
"Who knows, maybe tonight... ?
- Hey!" Rufioh exclaimed, blushing even more.
They laughed, but despite their exchange, Cronus didn't lose sight of the road. He was surprised when he saw that they were heading towards the forest and held back from saying anything, although his curiosity was growing with each passing minute. They went deeper into the trees, first following the paths, then straying from the natural roads into the brush and leafy ground.
Cronus grimaced slightly and couldn't help but complain a little:
"If I had known, I would have worn different jeans..."
He thought the white would make him look good, but it was mostly too messy a choice for tonight. Rufioh made him a sorry smile:
"Sorry doll, maybe we should have warned you."
How could Cronus be angry when someone was looking at him like that? He took back a confident look:
"It's okay, it's just a piece of clothing, I'll wash it when I get home."
The drive lasted a little longer, and the further they went, the quieter Horuss and Rufioh became. They seemed impatient, very impatient, and it was starting to get to the purple blood. They would soon arrive, that was certain, and his two companions were watching for the moment when he would discover the place.
His reaction was immediate. Cronus felt two hands in the small of his back pushing him forward, lightly, only to make him go first. He passed the bushes, as if they had been placed there on purpose to give a curtain effect. And when the curtain fell, the scene appeared. This scene, where their appointment was going to take place, was a small clearing full of greenery, surrounded by massive trees that looked like a barrier, as if the place had been specially designed to keep the intimacy of the couple. The sky was clear, overlooking the star field that overhung the planet and illuminated the place with a natural clarity.
Cronus stood there, observing the place and soaking up its tranquility, while the hands of his lovers were still behind his back.
"So? whispered Horuss. What do you think?"
Cronus shuddered, the blue blood leaning into his ear. He smiled, speaking as softly as he did:
"It's perfect, even better than I could have imagined!"
He was honest, his ears were the proof of it seen from the way they were waving happily. His companions were pleased and invited him to come forward. They took out a picnic lunch from their sylladex, first setting up a large tablecloth to sit on and then putting down what they had cooked - in fact, Cronus was quite sure that Horuss had been the only one to cook, but he didn't mention it.
The sailor was embarrassed to be talked to in this way, regretting that he hadn't really brought anything, but on the other hand he felt pampered and it made him hot. He devoured with his eyes the two others who were taking care to install everything correctly, and the vision was simply too cute for him not to savor every detail. The slightly nervous smiles, Rufioh's quivering wings, Horuss' habit of always putting a lock of hair back in place.
Cronus bit his lip as he noted how romantic it all seemed. He felt like he'd been plunged into a romance novel, and again, it caused him a strange mixture of joy and fear, as if someone had staged this date only to tell him it wasn't true, or was trying to get him to let his guard down so he could better tell him, "Actually we don't want you, but we can still be friends!"
He swallowed and looked away, ran one through his hair hoping to relax. But it was too late, Meenah's words came back to him, reminding him once again that he wasn't supposed to be here, he wasn't supposed to enjoy this moment. But was it too selfish to want to enjoy this date without having to worry all the time?
"Hey doll, relax, we're not going to eat you!" came to reassure him Rufioh seeing him so tense.
Cronus made him a clumsy smile:
"I know, I know. It's just hard to be calm when you're in the presence of two beautiful boys!"
He winked at him to show assurance. At least this had the merit of making Rufioh blush, even if next to him Horuss had a more skeptical look. The bronze blood sighed and tried to hide his embarrassment, before straightening up only to sneak up behind Cronus:
"Well, how about if one of the 'beautiful boys' comes over and gives you a massage?"
The sailor blinked in surprise:
"Massage? Hum, if you want chief?
-You'll see, it's one of the few things I've mastered to perfection!
- Oh, don't be modest, I've already seen you do a lot of activities with talent!
- Well massages are my secret weapon, take off your jacket~"
Cronus chuckled and complied. The air was good, he wasn't afraid of getting cold, and despite his shirt he felt Rufioh's warm hands through the fabric, which made him shiver for a moment. He sighed with ease at the first movements, his ears drooping along with his shoulders.
"Oh shit...~"
He almost groaned, his eyes closed. Rufioh was right, he had a natural touch for massages. He had managed to find the right movements and pressure for Cronus in just a few seconds.
"Fuck... I can see why Damara is being stubborn, I'd kill to have a boyfriend that good."
He'd huffed without really thinking, before freezing hard and hastily reopening his eyes, looking at Horuss with a panic he hadn't mastered:
"I mean, well, that's not what I mean!"
Horuss gave him a slightly strange look, which he quickly hid behind a smile as he reached over and took a kiss from the sailor:
"But Cro', you DO have a boyfriend that good."
Cronus gave him a slightly confused look. Was Horuss good at massage too? Oh wait no, he was talking about Rufioh, wasn't he? Because as a threesome, Rufio was theoretically his boyfriend too.
"Well... Yes, yes of course..." he answered with a little less confidence than he would have liked.
Yet he yelped when the bronze blood slid his face into his neck, coming to place a few kisses on his neck and gills:
"I will be offended if you forget me so quickly.
- N-No, sorry chief."
He could feel his face turning purple, but the kisses were so soft that he tilted his head a little, to allow more room to maneuver. He felt the hands on his back continue their work, untying his shoulders and slowly moving down his spine. He shivered when they reached his lower back, and Rufioh stopped massaging him to come and grab his hips.
Cronus was upset, he still couldn't welcome physical contact as a natural thing. The half-closed eyes, he perceived how much his breath was feverish and he hoped not to show himself too ridiculous with his obvious inexperience.
Rufioh continued to kiss him where his skin was exposed, even tugging a little on the shirt to deposit his lips on his collarbone.
"Hey doll, feel like taking your top off?"
Cronus swallowed, his fins twitching a little. He had undressed before in front of Horuss, never in front of Rufioh. What if the bronze blood was disappointed by what he saw? That he decided to go back? He tried to chase away his stupid thoughts, it wasn't as if going bare-chested was something incredible in itself, and then he wasn't so bad after all, was he?
Rufioh came and turned his head to kiss his lips:
"Don't force yourself, I just want to touch every bit of your skin."
He kissed him on the cheek:
"Horuss is right, you are beautiful."
Cronus flushed harder, as if his face wasn't already burning hot enough. It didn't help that Horuss came and slid between his legs and brushed against them, moving up to his thighs and caressing them inside.
"D-Did you make a deal to drive me crazy...?" moaned Cronus, half serious.
The Zahhak laughed benevolently as he continued his caresses:
"Who knows? We want you to know how much we love you, but if you don't like something we'll stop."
Cronus opened his eyes again, his mouth open in amazement. He stared at Horuss intensely, as if he were hallucinating, examining him and trying to understand his words. His ears throbbed, betraying his confusion as usual, and this worried the blue blood enough to stop his movements:
"Cro'? You want us to stop?
- ... No... No, that's not it."
The sailor's voice was feverish, he had a knot in his throat. Horuss raised one of his hands to caress his cheek:
"What is it? We can just stop here and eat quietly, don't worry."
Cronus shook his head as he placed his hand on hers, while jamming himself a little better against Rufioh. He hesitated, searching for his words, lowering his eyes for a few seconds before shyly raising them:
"Is that... I mean... Shit, this is going to be a ridiculous question but...
- It won't be ridiculous. Just tell me.
- ... are you serious when you say, you know... when you say that you... for me...?
- That we love you?"
Cronus's fins flapped again. Rufioh stroked his hips while Horuss began stroking his thigh again, and each returned to place fleeting kisses on his face, on his neck, on his lips.
"I'm very serious Cro, breathed the Zahhak. You aren't 'extra', you aren't 'a pass'. I love you, I really love you."
His hand left his cheek to caress his ear:
"I love you and I know I'm going to love you more in the future, spending more time with you, getting to know us better. And I can't wait to love you even more."
Cronus opened and closed his mouth, at a loss for words but with an ever-more purple face. He tried to restrain his awkward smile without really succeeding, and finally he laughed shyly, a little embarrassed:
" ... Whoa... Okay, whoa, I don't know what to say... That's... So it's not a joke, right?
- You think I'm capable of such a cruel joke? Horuss retorted with a pout.
- No no, of course not, chief! It's just completely unexpected, it's... I didn't think someone would ever say that to me...?"
Rufioh kissed his gill with a laugh:
"Well you're going to have to get used to it, we'll tell you as much as it takes!"
Horuss stuck out his tongue:
"You didn't say anything!
- What? But your 'I love you' counted as two!
- No way! I told Cro' my feelings, you manage to share yours!"
It was Rufioh's turn to pout, giving Horuss a pleading look before lowering his eyes in embarrassment, then taking a breath and looking again at Cronus:
" ... Look doll, we've talked about this before, but... I don't hate you. And by that, I mean that... well... I like you. A lot, actually. And I'd really like it if the three of us could work together."
Cronus moistened his lips, but when he wanted to speak he only let out a weak squeak, before hiding his face in his hands:
" ... Oh damn, you're going to kill me... ! My heart is beating a hundred miles an hour right now!"
He perceived the laughter of the other two and guessed that they were just as embarrassed as he was. Then they fell silent, waiting for an answer from the sailor to their statements. Cronus took the time to calm down -which seemed impossible, he was upset- and ran a hand through his hair nervously, unable to look at anyone:
" ... I ... I've really liked you for a long time... I mean... hey, who wouldn't want a threesome with you what! Ahah..."
He was trying to get his cool attitude back but it was stuttering and burning. Horuss silenced him by coming back to kiss him, as did Rufioh who once again tended to his neck.
Cronus lost himself in the sensations of the caresses and kisses, simply closing his eyes as he surrendered to the expert hands. He would have liked to give back, but his companions seemed to want him to relax and let them. If something went wrong, Cronus would just have to say the word and they would stop. But damn it, he didn't want it to stop. Not when he was being spiked with pleasure, sighing with pleasure, feeling hands undoing his pants and slowly pulling them off.
He suddenly opened his eyes again, startled by the contact of fingers against his nook. Horuss had spread his thighs, amusing himself by brushing his slit with a teasing smile.
"You're already quite wet here," purred the blue blood.
Cronus could only nod weakly, swallowing his saliva as he waited to see what would happen. He'd touched himself before, of course, many times, but it was so different when another person initiated the contact.
In his neck, he felt Rufioh's smile and perceived one of his hands leaving his hips and going up, to seize his ear and come to tease this so sensitive point. Cronus yelped, electrified, his own hands coming to clutch the tablecloth.
"A-Ah, brothel... ! "
A groan louder than the previous ones. He really hoped that the echo of the forest wouldn't attract any unpredictable visitors. Oh shit, the mere thought of them getting caught embarrassed him as much as he felt excited about it.
He was going to say something else, but truth be told he completely forgot his train of thought as Horuss leaned in, while Rufioh grabbed his thigh and pulled him apart a bit more, leaving a much wider view for Zahhak.
"W-Wait, oh my god, oh fuck... ! " Cronus wasn't sure what came first between panic and desire. His body and mind were in a duel. He was ashamed, feverish to be so vulnerable in front of his two lovers, but burning and his tentacle was already twitching, begging for attention.
Yet Horuss did not pay any attention to his penis, ignoring it superbly to concentrate more on his nook, coming to gently spread the slits and look at him so long that Cronus was panting. But it was nothing compared to the tongue that came to lick him, and the sailor stopped breathing at once. A whole lot of insults went through his mind, but the only clear thought he caught was another " Oh my god. "
The tongue pushed a little more, seeped into him, and Cronus spasmed, clawed at the slickness, gasped for air as his temperature rose again. The hot muscle squirmed, lapped at his soaked walls, teased him in a way that made him moan louder, twitch.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god... ! "
That was all he could think of, his jerky breathing clashing with the surrounding silence, and perhaps if his mind wasn't so fuzzy he would have perceived how his whimpering had filled the clearing. Horuss was going to kill him, his tongue kept playing, teasing him, raising a burning fire.
"H-Horse-Wai-I-AH! Wait, wait, wait!"
Rufioh came to whisper in his ear:
"Shh... it's okay... You can come, it's okay..."
Cronus squeaked pathetically, arched his back, fidgeting desperately, as Horuss didn't slow down but instead seemed to speed up his movements. His voice choked, Rufioh's hands slipped under his shirt, and he didn't notice until his warm fingers brushed against his grubby scars.
He shrieked, clawing, tearing at the tablecloth but failing to care, before melting completely and having a sob, another spasm, and going completely slack, his purple fluid escaping his control and assaulting Horuss' mouth.
He gasped, collapsed against Rufioh who was pampering him, not without more little moans as he felt Horuss not backing down and taking the time to swallow his seed, to clean his nook with his tongue. When he finally pulled away and straightened up, he licked his lips, wiping away the little bit of purple still visible.
"...f-fuck..." the sailor stammered.
Rufioh's fingers continued to tease his scars. Horuss took the time to drink some water before coming to snuggle with Cronus, while trying to hug the bronze blood at the same time.
"Your voice is going to get me addicted eventually~ laughed the Zahhak tenderly.
- Oh no, I wasn't that loud... Cronus worried.
- No, not at all. I think only the neighboring town heard!
- Ah, don't laugh!"
Horuss laughed harder as Ampora pouted sulkily, his face still a little red. Behind his back, he felt Rufioh laughing as well and kissing him in the hair:
"Horuss is right, you have a beautiful voice."
The Zahhak suddenly straightened up clapping his hands, smiling excitedly:
"And again, you haven't heard him sing!
- I'd love to hear it, doll~"
Cronus' fins fluttered as he tried to swallow his embarrassment. Oh boy, more compliments, and Rufioh wanted to listen to his music? It was now proven, he was dead and in heaven, immersed in his fantasy world. How real could it be?
He blinked as a glass was handed to him. Horuss smiled at him, inviting him to have a drink, and Cronus happily accepted, but not without a shudder as Rufioh's hands slipped down to put his pants back on properly.
They remained all three to stick for the aperitif, sipping quietly and taking some salted cookies. The conversation was light, Rufioh evoked other videos that he wanted to show them, he also wanted to make test fiduspawn to Cronus. The latter wasn't against it, although he warned that he wasn't familiar with card games. They also discussed the next few days, what they could do with each other or with their friends. Cronus and Horuss managed to convince Rufioh to accompany them to the restaurant soon.
Finally it was Horuss who brought up the dreaded topic:
"Far be it from me to spoil our evening, but I think this would be a good time to bring up our last discussion, Ruf."
The bronze blood tensed and Cronus had a questioning look.
" ... Ah, I was hoping you'd forgotten, doll... Rufioh joked, though there was some truth to it.
- Not sure I follow, chief?"
Horuss put a wick back in place:
"We were discussing, with Rufioh, our relationship with you in the past. About how we rejected you. In my case, I didn't like you flirting with me while I was in a relationship.
- Yeah, sorry about that chief, that wasn't cool.
- It's okay, I don't want to blame you anymore, and then probably if I had been nicer to you, we could have been close much sooner."
Then the Zahhak stared at Rufioh who was fleeing their gaze, apparently nervous. Cronus also noticed his confusion and took his hand to reassure him:
"Um, Rufioh?"
The bronze blood sighed, stubbornly not looking at them as he searched for his words:
" ... Listen, Cronus, I... I didn't run away from you because of that.
- What do you mean?
- ... We already talked about it, that I like to flirt, I mean. But I couldn't flirt with you when... well... shit, I don't know how to say this without sounding completely stupid or mean."
Cronus frowned, a little confused, as Horuss came to take Rufioh's other hand. Nitram let out another sigh, tried to swallow his growing anxiety, his fear of saying something that might ruin everything:
"...you remind me of me. When I see you, I feel like I see me, and I don't know if that makes me angry at you or at myself."
Ampora opened his eyes wide:
"... I remind you of you? he repeated.
- ... Yeah. The fact that you... well... that..."
Cronus took on a softer, understanding expression:
" ... The fact that you play a role... ? To be appreciated by others?"
Rufioh tensed. He looked at Cronus, wondering if it was so easy to read him. It was the sailor who became nervous, he lowered his eyes and then raised them, trying to hold his gaze awkwardly:
"Um... I found this movie human, "Hook" and... one of the characters looks a lot like you. And he has the same name as you. So..."
Oh. Rufioh widened his eyes at the realization. Oh shit, so he had suspected it for a while already? He bit his lip:
"...you won't believe me if I say it's a coincidence, will you?"
Cronus attempted an encouraging smile:
"If it was a coincidence, I think you would have told us about it earlier, right?
- ... Yes, that's right... Rufioh hesitated, he would have liked to run a hand over his face but both were held back by his lovers. Okay... well... when we were still on Beforus, before we started the game, before I met all of you... I saw this movie in a dream."
Horuss wondered:
"...in a dream?"
Rufioh shrugged:
"I think I must have already been connected to Prospit, or the dream bubbles, well... it was really fuzzy, I had no control. And then I saw this movie..."
He laughed a little, trying once again to play it down, although in truth making this admission was nipping at his heels:
"It was the weirdest dream I had ever had. I didn't know what a human was at the time, but honestly, that's not what I remembered... I just saw this guy, who was being cheered by everyone. "Ru-Fi-Oh! Ru-Fi-Oh!" they were shouting, and this guy was giving off something so powerful, so strong, so cool..."
He lost his smile and looked away again, his wings twitching nervously.
"So I took that as a sign. I thought that in order not to get crushed by others, I should be like him. I wanted to be like him. I changed my name, my appearance, my attitude..."
He laughs bitterly:
"...I know this must sound pathetic, but ...I wanted to send back the same thing he did. I want to keep sending back the same thing he did. Even if it's not really 'me' ... I want people to see me as a warm, and confident, and strong guy..."
Horuss remained silent, the words repeating in his mind. " The image he wanted to portray " ... Hadn't Cronus said something similar in the past? That he wanted to "send back a certain image of himself"? It made his heart ache, as he saw himself a few weeks earlier, smiling falsely to suit the image that Meulin wanted to make of him.
Cronus let go of Rufioh's hand to gently caress his shoulder:
"It's not pathetic. I understand that. There's always a difference between what you are and what you want to portray to others," he sighed. "I wish people would stop seeing me as pathetic. I would like to be seen as someone cool, someone you could confide in and invite to a party for fun and not for obligation... he smiled amused. Let's just say you're doing a much better job of that than I am."
Rufioh shook his head:
"Don't say that, doll. You just don't have the right technique yet... and the right examples. Man, I've seen enough human movies to know that the guys you try to look like are usually assholes."
Cronus puffed out his cheeks:
"I think they're cool...
- The 'bad guys' have their charms, sure, but you have to find the right balance. And above all, you're not an asshole. When you try to play the 'romantic villain' you quickly fall into the heaviness because you don't control it.
- Oh ... so, what do you propose?"
Rufioh returned a gentle smile as he looked at him:
"We can always have a movie night to study the characters' behaviors and see what would suit you. I'd like to tell you to be yourself, but on the one hand that would be hypocritical of me, and then honestly I'd rather you save your cuteness for Horuss and me."
Cronus blushed:
"I'm not cute!"
He was interrupted by Rufioh's laughter and blushed even more when the bronze blood stole a kiss:
"Sorry honey, you'll just have to live with it~"
Horuss wasn't sure how to intervene in this conversation. He came to embrace them both, awkwardly searching for his words:
" ... I think you should act in accordance with yourself. There is no 'role' to play... We all have a different attitude depending on the situation, so... as long as you act in a way that suits your identity, I think it's okay...?"
He bit his tongue with embarrassment:
"...I don't know if that makes sense, I'm probably not legitimate to give advice on that..."
Rufioh and Cronus returned his embrace:
"No doll, don't worry.
- It's good to see that you accept us as we are, Horse.
- Even though we're a bunch of bums."
The sailor elbowed Nitram:
"Hey! You're the ball and chain!
- Eheh, you~"
Horuss chuckled, pleased to see them comfortable enough to be so childish. But then a piece of information came back to him and he lost his smile, looking at Rufioh with a sudden realization:
"But wait... you said you completely changed to look like that movie hero.
- Um, yes?
- So Rufioh isn't your original name?"
Rufioh froze sharply and his face flamed up, as he became all stammery:
"Oh... I... no, it's not."
Cronus and Horusse exchanged a bewildered look, before their eyes sparkled and they each grabbed onto an arm of their companion:
"What was that?!"
Nitram hesitated further, weighing the pros and cons, looking for a way to escape this situation. But in front of their pleading looks, he finally gave in and huffed, then smiled shyly at them:
"Okay ... Well, originally my name is ... "