Chapter 42

"This emergency meeting is now in session" Rachel announces banging the hammer against the pedestal on the table in front of her. It was the Monday, several days after her performance of Maria and she was desperate to find a way to forgive James. Since the night of the first performance of West Side Story, they had spoken briefly, with him telling her he was going to a Seahawks game with his Dad and he'd be back Monday. She needed to talk to the girls; to try and get the heavy load off her mind before she could sit down with James and properly look at dealing with their issue.

"Is this about why you and your hunky boyfriend aren't talking to one another?" Santana asks as she idly files her nails, looking bored. "Because not that I don't love the idea you two are going to fall out and hand us sectionals; it's kind of depressing seeing him walk around school looking upset"

"Yes it is about him" Rachel replies, chewing her lip for a moment. "I realise that we are a house divided right now, but I need the advice of my girls. The last time I called a meeting like this was during our Madonna lesson and all of you were widly unhelpful but its been two years now and we've all grown up so I'm optimistic"

"Okay" Quinn said smiling. "What's wrong then?"

"James and I were…." Rachel takes a breathe "We were almost intimate last week"

"Almost?" Tina asks softly "What happened?"

"I asked him to leave" Rachel admits quietly.

"Please don't tell me it was because he's tiny" Santana says smirking. Rachel feels her cheeks flourish with colour. "Because I've had so many images of him naked since he wore those tight vests to rehearsal and he is fine, I imagine him with a huge-"

"Santana" Quinn interrupted

"That's not cool" Tina says shaking her head.

"Why did you ask him to leave?" Quinn asks giving her a reassuring smile.

"I'd planned it out, this amazing evening where we would sit and watch a movie together before we went upstairs and we had our first time together" Rachel explained, sighing as she reached the hard part. "But then he told me that he'd already had sex"

"He didn't cheat on you did he?" Tina asked calmly

"No!" Rachel defended him quickly shaking his head. "I know he would never do that…it's just he never told me"

"Did he tell you who it was?" Santana asks raising an eyebrow

"No, I was upset and I asked him to leave" Rachel replied.

"Did he ever actually tell you he was a virgin?" Quinn voice caught her attention and Rachel's snapped to meet the blonde girls.

"No" Rachel shook her head and Quinn nodded. "But he never told me he wasn't either!"

"If he didn't cheat on you and he didn't tell you if he'd had sex or not…why exactly are you mad?" Santana asks, shrugging her shoulders.

"Because I was ready to give myself to him, to give myself to a boy for the first time and I found out it wouldn't have been his first time" Rachel explained in a strained voice.

"Most boys our age have had sex, it shouldn't be a surprise to you" Santana shrugged her shoulders again.

"That's not the point! He loves me; he's supposed to tell me things like this" Rachel replied frowning to keep her emotions in check.

"Rachel" Quinn spoke softly "You're ready for sex?"

"Yes" Rachel nodded "At least I think I'm ready to be with James"

"I thought you wanted to wait until you were twenty five?" Quinn asked quietly "What changed?"

"I did but…" Rachel sighs "I wanted my portrayal of Maria to be as realistic as possible"

"That's really bad Rachel" Brittany said, eyes wide.

"Rachel don't you think it's a little hypocritical of you to be mad at him for not telling you the truth when you haven't exactly been up front with your own reasons?" Quinn asked, chewing her lip.

"How is it the same? He's had sex! All I was doing was showing him much I loved him" Rachel replied

"But you didn't think about it until the show?" Quinn says pointedly. Rachel nods her head in reluctant acknowledgement. "That's not entirely truthful either"

"But I'm ready; I'm ready to do this with him"

Quinn sighs and nods. "I believe you; but if you've never talked about sex with him before then how could he have lied to you? James is one of the most honest guys I've ever met and I really don't think he would lie to you like this on purpose"

"You think I should forgive him?" Rachel asked softly.

"Talk to him and ask him why he didn't tell you" Quinn replied, smiling "I'm sure he didn't do it to hurt you"

Rachel nodded her head, eyes focused on her hands as they sat folded in her lap. Maybe she had been quick to jump to conclusions about James and she ought to give him the chance to explain to her; ignoring him wasn't doing either of them any good.

Rachel waited until after Glee to talk to James. She spent the last few hours of school following her meeting with the girls at lunch thinking over what they had said; taking into account what Quinn had said most of all, deciding that she was right and the least she owed James was a chance for him to explain to her why he waited to say anything. She tried to stop it, but her eyes kept drifting to him during rehearsal; a smile lingering on her lips as she watched him dancing away as the boys received help with the choreography while the girls worked on their parts. They hadn't spoken to one another properly in over a week and it had been killing her; not being able to sleep in his arms but most of all just not being able to hear his calm, relaxing voice speak to her on a daily basis.

"James" She called out to him after he pulled his grey jacket on and slung his bag over his shoulder. Rehearsal had ended and they were about to leave school for the day. Rachel couldn't help but smile when she saw him pause before turning back to look at her, a small kind smile on his face.

"Hey Rachel" He murmured as she paused in front of him, glancing over his should to make sure they were alone in the corridor. "What's up"

"Are you okay?" She asked, rubbing her arm nervously. "We haven't spoke since last week"

"I'm good" He replied quietly, shifting his weight. "You?"

"I'm okay" She said, chewing her lip as he nodded at her.

"At least you're talking to me again" He murmured and she looked up at him to see a sad smile. "I miss you Rach"

"I miss you too" She couldn't prevent the words from tumbling out of her mouth and before she knew it, she'd moved forward and embraced him; her arms finding themselves around his waist as she rested her cheek against his chest and closed his eyes.

"I love you Rachel" She heard the words before feeling his lips touch the top of her head as his arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry"

"Me too" She murmured, pulling away slightly so that she could look up at him. "Can you come home with me? We need to talk"

"Yeah…of course I will" He nodded, smiling at her as he released her from his grip and reached down to hold her hand.

Rachel smiled back at him before they started walking again; down the corridors towards the exit nearest the senior car park. She knew that he had walked to school considering she'd passed him in her car this morning, smiling as she had seen him with Noah and Mike.

The car ride to her house was quiet, neither of them speaking; Rachel was formulating in her head what she was going to say to him and she could tell that he was doing the same thing as they sat there in quiet listening to the radio.

When they reached her house, she couldn't help but smile as he offered her his hand to help her out of the car and she squeezed it gently as she let him into her house.

"Where are your Dads?" He asked softly as he followed her towards the kitchen.

"Working late all this week" She replied "Would you like a drink"

"Water would be nice" He said, smiling at her. "Thanks"

Pouring them each a drink, she led him towards the staircase and up to her room; she wanted them to speak in a place where she felt comfortable, most at ease. James seemed quite content to simply follow her until they entered her room where he strolled away and stood by her desk resting against her chair.

Rachel sat on her bed, and took a few sips of her drink before placing the glass down on her bedside cabinet, turning to face him again.

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you"

"Don't be" He replied, warm eyes looking back at her. "You were upset with me and I can't blame you for taking a few days to think"

"It was hardly a few days" She retorted "It was over a week and-"

"It doesn't matter how long" He replied, sighing. "I just wish you'd tell me why you're upset"

"I'm not upset anymore" She murmured and he smirked at her for a second.

"Rach, you won't talk to me" James returned, rubbing his face. "I still don't quite understand why you were so upset."

Rachel looks away from him for a moment, letting the reasons flash through her mind; he didn't tell her that he'd had sex before and that hurt her because she had this idea in her head that she would lose her virginity to him; that the two of them would experience what it would be like together, to give yourself for the first time to the person they loved. Knowing that he'd already had that experience with someone brought tears to her eyes.

"I love you and the least you can do is talk to me" James said softly, eyes pleading with her.

"I was angry and upset because you told me you weren't a virgin"

"You're mad at me because I've had sex before?" James asks calmly. Rachel nods her head at him and he sighs running a hand over his face before he speaks again. "But why?"

"I had this stupid idea that the two of us would share our first time together and you broke that!" Rachel replies, feeling her eyes well with tears.

"It's not stupid" He says softly, running a hand through his hair. "But Rach, you can't be mad at me and ignore me for having had sex"

"I can" She murmured.

"No" James shook his head at her. "You can't be mad at me for having sex, I didn't cheat on you; it happened before I had even met you"

"You lied to me"

"I lied to you?" James asks in bewilderment. "How Rachel? How did I lie to you?"

"You never told me you'd had sex" Rachel says, looking at him as he stands in the middle of her room looking frustrated, but theres also sadness in his eyes.

"Because we never talk about sex" He replies after a few moments in a quiet voice. "Rach, when was I supposed to have told you? Maybe I should have done, but I never lied to you; not once in the time I've known you have I lied to you. If you'd have asked me, I would have told you"

"Don't try and blame this on me" Rachel snaps, though she knows its just to keep her anger at the forefront of the argument instead of acknowledging what he had said was true. The furthest they had gotten into talking about sex had been a few days ago when she had teased him with the images of her dream of him touching her. "If you think that I'm going to let you blame this on me, you are-"

"I'm not blaming you" He interrupted her, sighing before taking a step towards her as she sat on her bed. Rachel pursed her lips and watched him as he sat down with her, though he kept a respectful distance between them as he started to speak again; his eyes flowing with his affection for her and acceptance that he had done wrong. "You're right, I didn't tell you. But that's because we haven't talked about it; the furthest we've gotten before this week has been you letting me touch your chest"

Rachel nods softly, accepting his words as she watches him smile slightly.

"Rach, I know what that means; how much trust that takes for you and I love that you trust me enough to take that step" He continued, flashing him a smile. "But we haven't been further than that and I haven't tried to go further than that with you because I don't want to pressure you into third base, or further. I don't want to pressure you into having sex until you're ready"

Despite the blush on her cheeks as he mentioned doing other things that she'd imagined sometimes in her dreams or when she'd been alone; Rachel couldn't help the way her heart beat just that little bit faster as he spoke about not wanting to pressure her. Smiling slightly, Rachel asked in a small voice; "Don't you want to have sex with me?"

"Of course I do" He replied, reaching his hand and taking hers in his. "Rach, you drive me crazy. The good kind of crazy, but I figured when you were ready to take that step; that you would tell me and we could talk about it"

"You'd really wait for me?"

"I would wait forever for you" He says, smiling. "But you can't treat me like this Rachel; you've been making me feel like the biggest jerk in the world, because I didn't just let us have sex the other day. Apparently me loving you and waiting until you're ready makes me a horrible person. Do you know how that makes me feel Rachel?"

"I'm sorry" She murmurs. "It just felt like you were rejecting me; like you didn't want to have sex with me and then when you said you'd already had sex…it was a shock, I'd just assumed you were a virgin as well"

"I should have told you" He said, smiling sadly. "I just didn't know how to bring it up with you. I didn't want you to feel pressured to do anything because I love you so much. I guess I figured we'd get to that point and you'd tell me you were ready, then we'd talk about it"

"I love you too" Rachel replied, leaning forward to kiss him. They shared several some chaste kisses, showing each other that they had forgiven one another for the argument that had been between them all week. "I do trust you like that James; that I could give myself to you.

He nodded at her. "So you were ready to go all the way with me that day"

"I was" She replied, "I still am but I maybe I was doing it for the wrong reasons"

"What do you mean?"

"I need to tell you something and I need you to promise me you won't be mad" She murmured looking at his concerned face.

"I won't get mad at you; what is it?"

"The reason why I even thought about trying to have sex the other day was because of what Artie said" She said softly, her eyes scanning his face to see a reaction. All she got was his frown deepening, his eyes asking her to continue explaining it to him. "He said that in order to accurately potray Maria and Tony….we needed to know what it felt like to have sex"

James eyes flashed with hurt and Rachel jumped to explain herself, not wanting him to think that was the only reason she'd considered their first time together; "I'm sorry, James; that wasn't why, I feel so close to you and I want you to be my first time, I really do. Please don't be mad-"

"I'm not mad" He interrupted her, smiling and giving her that truthful look that made her know in her heart he was telling the truth. "Artie is an idiot. Your first time is supposed to be something special; something that you remember for the rest of your life. It shouldn't be because someone told you that you should do it, or because you're looking for a quick bit of fun. My first time wasn't special, it wasn't with someone I cared about and I'm determined when you are ready; I'm determined to makes your unbelievably special"

Rachel grinned at his words, nodding as she shifted close to him on the bed and leaned into his side. "I know you will"

"But not yet" He murmured softly. "We should wait until you're completely sure and then we can talk about it"

"You want to wait for me" Rachel said smiling.

"I will, god of course I will" He replied "This is what we should have done in the first place; talked about, communicated about how we're feeling. We both have urges to do things but you've told me you're not completely ready to do this and that's amazing Rach. I respect you so much for taking control of your body and saying it"

"Really?"

"Yeah, of course" He replied smiling reassuringly as his hand came up to rest at her neck. "One Day you'll be ready and we'll talk about having sex but until then, we'll only do what makes you comfortable alright?"

Rachel grinned and nodded her head. She felt so lucky that she had him in her life; lots of other guys wouldn't care particularly much about their girlfriends feeling, instead only wanting to have sex but not James. He was telling her that he loved her more than that.

James gave her a smile before he pulled her close and they sat there for several minutes embraced on her bed; enjoying the comfortable and safe feeling that they both got from being in each others arms.

Rachel bit her lip as they separated, smiling as she felt James' hand come up and push some hair out of her face. She sat there wondering if she could ask him about it, by the sounds of it his first time wasn't something he held fondly in his mind. Just as she was about to ask him, she felt his hand squeeze hers followed by his gentle voice. "It's okay, you can ask me Rach"

"Would you tell me about your first time?" She said smiling at him, his understanding of her and his ability to read her mind reminding her exactly why she loved him.

"Of course I will" He replied, squeezing her hand again. "It wasn't with Ana and before you even think about getting angry at me; It wasn't Heather either."

"I wasn't" She murmured. He smiled and nodded at her. "I know you wouldn't lie to me"

"It was a couple of months before Nationals and I was stressed. There was this girl in the Scale Blazers, a senior who had never bothered to date during high school; she wanted to wait to find someone in college but she had always sort of had this thing for me and she offered for us to do it; to lose our first time together"

"What was her name?"

"Emily" He replied, smiling. "So we got together and we had sex; It didn't feel special, it didn't feel like I was sharing myself with someone; it was just sex and yeah, it was fun and we did it a few more times before and after nationals. It never meant anything it was just the sex"

"Was she the only one you've had sex with?" Rachel asked, chewing her bottom lip anxiously.

"Yeah" He nodded. "I couldn't whore myself about with different girls. Even though it didn't mean anything, even if it was just for fun, I wanted there to only be one girl"

"Thank you for telling me" Rachel said, smiling at him before she pressed a soft kiss against his lips. "I'm not ready but when I am; I'll tell you and we can have that special moment you missed"

"I'd love that" He replied, pulling her close in his arms. "Whenever you're ready, Rach; no pressure, I'll wait forever for you"

"Are we okay?" He murmured a few minutes later.

Rachel raised her head of his shoulder and looked up into his warm eyes; nodding her head. "Yeah, we're more than okay. We're perfect"

….

A/N : End to the Drama!

Rachel and James aren't going to have their first time for a few chapters yet, I've got a really sweet idea lined up for it and it'll happen in the near future but not for a little while.

Next up; fixing Hummelberry and James gets someone staying at his house. Who could it be?