Alec moved away slowly from their embrace and wiped away a few tears from his cheeks. He was still a little shaken by his own words but also an immense relief got hold of him and he suddenly felt he had all this lost time to make up for. And he placed himself back on Izzy's bed and started telling his siblings the entire story. "Sebastian...He used to get so angry with me because I was always trying to hide this thing we had, and even more so after I feared mom and dad might know something. It always bothered him and he always tried to push me out of my comfort zone. But in a bad way, he made me feel guilty, not safe. At the time, I was so infatuated with him that I didn't even realize it was wrong. I always blamed myself for everything that went wrong and sometimes I still do, though it's getting better." And with a sad smiled, he let it all out. The story of how he always felt Sebastain was the sun he could never reach, about how a few weeks after they met in the school yard, they were in Sebastian's apartment in Philly and the boy kissed him, taking him completely by surprise. How his body was trembling from pleasure and fear, how the boy drew back from his lips, smiling and Alec was doomed to fall in love, or what he thought was love. He told them how, after Izzy told him about the conversation she heard between their parents and he decided to hide himself even more, Sebastian wanted answers. How he couldn't give them to him because he didn't have them himself. And finally, he told them how one awful day, Alec was walking towards Seb's apartment and as he was entering the front door he heard giggles and his heart froze a little, because that was their place and they were always alone there. And without breathing, he kept on walking until he could see through the crack of the living room door: two pair of feet entangled on the sofa. And as he slowly opened the door, he saw them, naked, Sebastian on top of this guy, their bodies entangled and embraced... And he stopped there. He stopped his story there because, in a way it still hurt; not as much as it hurt back then but as a rope leaves a sharp burn after it's wrapped tightly around your skin.

"That fucking bastard! He cheated on you?" asked Jace, furiously.

"We weren't actually together. And some of it was my fault, anyways."

"Alec, I'm so sorry." Izzy interrupted. "And you can't blame yourself. You didn't know how you felt, he was your first..."

"Boyfriend? That's the thing. He wasn't. Because I was too scared to let him be and I couldn't give him what he wanted: a real relationship and everything else. I know he cheated but I also know why. I was too insecure."

"How the fuck did you go through all of this alone? Alec, you should have told us! God, Izz, we were so stupid... It's so fucked up."

"There is no point in blaming ourselves now. We can be here for him from now on and make the most of what we've got."

After a while, when he felt he had nothing more to say to them and when he felt their comforting words were truly reaching out to him, Alec decided to change the subject. It had been a great evening and relieving those awful days from his past did nothing good to him. He was better now and so he said so to his siblings. He had learned a lot during these past years and though some of his pain was still there, he didn't want to prioritize it at the moment.

He did have something else to say to them.

"And actually I would like to tell you about someone. I'm thinking of introducing you guys this Friday night, at Simon's concert."

"Oh my God. I knew it!"

"What? Who is this person? Izz, do you know him?"

"Izzy knows something. His name is Magnus..."

"He's soooo beautiful and he's so tall and he called Alec..."

"Izz, let him finish," said Jace with a hint of exasperation in his voice.

"So his name is Magnus Bane and he's a first year student here. We met on the first day of school this year and we actually went on a date."

"Oh my god, Alec, you have to tell us everything."

"Wait, Magnus Bane, the one with the party?" Jaced seemed to remember the awkward encounter Alec and Magnus had at the party.

"Yes," confirmed Alec.

"He's younger than you? He seemed older."

"He is older. He's actually 22. I checked it on facebook."

"You stalker! Let's see," Isabelle said as she reached in her pocket for her phone. A few seconds later his Facebook profile was on her screen. "Okay, he's from Santa Monica, wow." Izzy and Jace kept on scrolling on her phone and Alec gave up trying to stop them. "Oh my god he has an Instagram account. It's something. Alec, did you see this?" But Alec was already sitting next to them, big-eyed and curious.

"I didn't know he had an Instagram account. Let me see." He took Izzy's phone from her hands and set himself back on the bad, Izzy and Jace instantly on each side next to him. Magnus had 100 posts on his page and they were all so like him. There he was with Catarina on a beach, where Alec guessed must have been Santa Monica, then at a concert with some guy Alec saw at the party. A lot of selfies, a lot of stylish pictures, one from the beginning of September in New York next to the coffee shop Magnus took Alec. The last photo was from the party. Catarina, Magnus, and that boy again, all smiling, with tequila shots in their hands. Izzy clicked on the picture. From his username, the guy's name was Will. Alec also saw a picture with the bisexual flag underneath which Magnus simply wrote "#pride".

"Okay, so Alec needs an Instagram account."

"Wow, okay, Magnus is really something. Did you see his outfits? Gorgeous."

"Izzy, stop talking about clothes. And Jace, I alread have one, I just never used it after I created it."

"Wow, really? Okay. Let's post your first picture. Come on."

"Izzy, calm down, I'm not..."

"No, she's right. We could take a picture, the three of us and you can post it and then we'll post it on our stories and you'll get followers and you'll follow Magnus and he'll follow back..."

"My head hurts a little."

"Give me," Isabelle said, gesturing for the phone.

It took ten selfies to finally choose one good enough to tag Izzy in.

It was such a childish thing to do, standing there on his phone ready to post his first picture. But even though he was a grown 21 year old, he couldn't stop feeling excited. He clicked on Magnus' profile and then pressed 'Follow'. He closed his phone, surprised that their plan went on smoothly

They decided to end their evening together with a few episodes of Friends and were watching the second episode when Alec realized he had been on his phone for most of the time, constantly checking his profile or swiping through Magnus' photos. Izzy was right before, he looked gorgeous. He knew Asia was famous for its street fashion, but Magnus was just on another level. A notification popped out and he barely had the time to read it when Izzy squealed in excitement.

"He literally slid into your DM's," said Izzy, her eyes glued on Alec's screen.

"Izz, stop spying."

"Oh, sorry. You should see your face though, you're almost blushing," she said in her defense. "And boy, you should."

"I wanna know," said Jace, to Alec's horror.

"It's dirty." Isabelle wasn't even trying to hide her smirk.

"I don't wanna know, I'm good, thanks."

Back in his room, Alec was in the shower, reflecting upon the events of that evening. He realized how tired he was feeling, after finally having shared his biggest secret and his saddest memories with his siblings. But he was also feeling hopeful, light, more precisely he was feeling as though the path in front of him was starting to lighten up.

Back in his bed, he reached for his phone and opened the text from Magnus. They have moved their conversation on WhatsApp and Alec opened a photo of Magnus with his adorable cat sprawled on his lap. The cat's paw was rolling Magnus's shirt up and Alec had a nice glance at the man's lean muscles, his low waist bottoms leaving plenty of room to the imagination.

They said goodnight and it made Alec feel warm inside and a little scared, but in a good way. Was this how his nights would be from now on?

He put his phone away and closed his eyes, rolling around in the cold sheets. He let his thoughts from earlier invade his mind. Magnus' lean, toned abdomen, the way he would touch his skin if he was there, how he would let his hand fall down Magnus' hips, undressing him slowly, but with hunger in his eyes. And he would see him, naked and beautiful and he would touch him everywhere. And be touched in return...he felt a moan in his throat and remembered how thin the walls were in his dorm. And then, with his right hand he slowly reached inside his boxers, feeling himself slowly up and then even slower down. He kept his eyes shut, his mind running wild. In his head, they weren't his hands stroking him then touching him slowly on the head. Then gripping down and more gentle up, then harder, his hips starting to involuntary move – and gripping tighter, harder faster, harder, andfasterandfasterandfaster...and then. he. came, moaning in the pillow on his face, biting hard into the fabric. He could feel it all on his hand, warm and eventually sticky.

It was clear to him now that he shouldn't have taken a shower earlier.