I thought i'd posted this last night but it didn't update o_o
Chapter 58
Rachel sits there in silence for a long moment, tears rolling down her cheeks as she stares at the door hoping that he would come bursting back into the auditorium and scoop her up in his arms. It didn't seem real, a horrible nightmare that she would wake up from and find James lying next to her sleeping peacefully. Any second now and the two of them will be in her bedroom together. Finally it breaks and she sobs out, burying her face in her hands.
His face is all she thinks about as she sobs, him sitting there with that look of hurt and hopelessness so evident on his face. He had never looked at her with anything but adoration and fondness that to see what was written so openly across his face struck her deep. She feels her heart breaking.
This is why she'd been afraid to tell him, knowing that it was going to cause him so much pain because she'd been stupid and not pushed Finn away quick enough. Because she had been willing to let him back into her life and be a friend, despite moving on in her love. Kurt and Quinn had helped her realise she needed to tell him, to be honest with him about what had happened. She was going to tell him tonight when they went to his house, he would have been hurt but she knew he would have forgiven her. But somehow, James had found out and she was just aching that he was in so much pain because of what had happened.
She didn't really know how much time passed sat there on the auditorium floor crying but at some point the tears stop. Standing up, she wipes her face to try and regain her composure. Rachel can't help the fond smile that spreads on her face as she sees his hoodie by her feet. Picking it up and bringing it to her face she hugs it tightly trying to draw comfort from the fresh, welcoming smell that lingers on it.
"Rachel? You missed geography" She hears Quinn's voice softly behind her. Rachel turns around to face her and sees the look of worry on her friends face "Rach, whats wrong?"
"You were right" Rachel replies with a sad smile as Quinn steps forward to hug her "I should have told him sooner"
"Oh no"
"He hates me Quinn" Rachel says pulling back as she feels her tears run down her cheeks.
"Tell me" Quinn asks, squeezing her arms softly. For several minutes she talks, her voice quiet as she explains about how they'd been eating lunch together before she'd noticed something bothering him and then his question to her.
"And I just told him, I tried to explain but he was just so hurt"
"Ssssssh" Quinn comforts her "Don't cry again, just breathe okay?"
Rachel nods, trying to give a genuine smile as she does what Quinn asks. The two of the stand there in silence for a moment
"So he already knew?" Quinn asks and all she can do is give a nod as she tries to stop herself breaking down. "Who told him, I didn't think you had told me many other people?"
"Does it matter?" She answers with a feeble shrug of her shoulders "I should have told him and now its all my fault"
"No its not...you didn't do anything wrong. You were going to tell him" Quinn reassures before biting her lip. "Do you want me to go speak to him?"
"There's no point. He won't want to talk to me or about me. He's hurting and he's going to just retreat and hide away from me..." Rachel says softly, feeling her eyes water again "He's going to break up with me"
"Hey, don't be silly. James loves you "Quinn answers before she can linger on the thought. "I'd say the odds are more likely he goes and punches Finn"
"Did he look angry?" She asks, knowing Quinn was in their same class after lunch.
"I don't know if he was angry. There was something but I didn't know what was wrong" Her friends answers, pausing to give her a smile "He did tell me you were in here though"
"He did?"
"Yeah"
Rachel smiles as that, a light feeling in her heart. Was it hope?
Quinn gives her another hug. "Do you want to skip the rest of the day and go to my house?"
She laughs, a broad smile on her face before shaking her head "No, we've got practise...it is regionals in a few weeks..."
"Rach...thats the last thing you should be worrying about is that"
"It is though"
Quinn laughs "Come on, lets skip our last period and go get you cleaned"
Rachel nods, wiping her face before grabbing her things. She tucks James' hoodie under her arm as she joins Quinn, the two of them walking towards the exit. "Thanks for listening"
"Of course, we're friends now and I'm here for you. Just like Kurt and Mercedes will be too" Quinn says linking their arms together and squeezing her softly. "He will forgive you Rach"
Rachel smiles sadly. She wasn't so sure.
...
After getting her cleaned up, the two of them had left school to go and get coffee. Quinn had done a great job of distracting her by telling her about the last time she'd been to see Beth and Shelby. Turbulent was a dramatic but very good description for the relationship between her mom and Quinn. After she'd talked Quinn out of reporting Shelby for sleeping with Puck, things had become a bit more settled with Quinn now visiting at least once every fortnight and sometimes more.
They had made their way back to school a short time before last period ended, getting back onsite before anyone could catch or say anything to them. By the time rehearsals come around, she does feel better. Or at the very least, has stopped crying as the two of them make their through the corridors towards the choir room.
As they turn the corner Rachel pauses at the first glance of the choir room, nibbling her lip nervously. She wasn't sure if she was ready to go in and see James….or Finn, or anybody really. That horrible feeling she would be judged, a common fear of hers during the previous few years at McKinley, reared its head again painfully. While she loved attention, craved it at some level, she hated when she was being gossiped about - the awful things people would say about her behind her back.
"We can still skip and go to my house" Quinn remarks, noticing her apprehension. "I can call Kurt and Mercedes and they can come over too"
She just smiles, shaking her head. She can do this. "No, its fine…"
Rachel takes a deep breath and forces herself into the steps that take her into the choir room, taking a moment for a quick glance around the room. A light sigh of relief escapes as other than Mr Schue, only Kurt and Artie are there.
"Afternoon ladies" Mr Schue greets them with a large smile from his position stood leaning on the piano "Hope you both had a lovely weekend?"
"Hey Mr Schue, yes thank you" Quinn replies
"Lovely, thank you, How was yours?" Rachel adds, receiving a warm smile as he tells them about his and Emma's trip to the theatre. After a few minutes, the girls make their way to the chairs as Mr Schue looks back at the papers on the piano top.
As soon as she sits down, Kurt leans over and whispers "Where were you? I had to cover for you!"
"I'll tell you later" Rachel murmurs quietly, trying to avoid the attention as Finn, Rory, Mike and Tina walked into the choir room. Her eyes well with tears as she Finn gaze over at her.
"Are you okay" Kurt asks, placing a soft hand on hers. All she can do is smile as she turns to him.
"No" She says simply, causing him to nod and scoot his chair closer.
"Hey guys" Mike remarks as he sits down in front of them, turning around in his seat. Rachel offers him a small smile before, luckily, Quinn takes the focus away from her by asking about his weekend. She could hug her as the next ten minutes she's able to just sit there and listen to her friends talk amongst themselves as more of the group appear in the choir room.
She just keeps repeating the same thing to herself. It's only an hour today and she can survive it. Afterwards she can go home, crawl up in bed and deal with it all: probably have another serious cry.
The last to arrive are James, Sam and Santana, her hands fidgeting in her lap at the emotions swirling around at seeing him. Next to her, she feels Quinn squeeze her arm comfortingly but all she can focus on is him. He's so handsome she thinks as he strides in between the other two, a deep frown that doesn't have any place on his face etched across his forehead as he greets Mr Schue in his smooth, soft tone before moving over the far end of the room to sit down next to the wall.
The feeling of him being so far away and ignoring her is so hard to handle. Whenever either of them enters a room, they look for the other. Their eyes are always drawn to one another whether they try to or not, its so clear, so present in her mind because it happens every time. She'll be walking down the corridor and notice him immediately, only to find him already looking back at her – a wide smile on his face. Most of the time, he'll come straight over and hold her hand, cuddle her, kiss her. Something that makes her feel like the most important girl that has ever existed. The most important person in his life.
This time, he doesn't even look at her and that burns inside of her. It stings her heart.
"It's time guys. Let's talk REGIONALS!" Mr Schuester's voice breaks her focus away from James, returning it back to the rest of the room and where their teacher is standing at the front of the class, the whiteboard behind him with the same word wrote across it in big bold writing.
She put on a smile and clapped along with the rest of the group, the sense of excitement building in the choir room.
"So...here in my hand I have our competition" He added with a grin, flourishing the paperwork he'd been reading earlier.
"Who are we up against Mr Schue?" Mercedes asks eagerly
"We'll be against the Warblers again and also the Golden Goblets" He answered looking up from the paper "They've also set the order of performance, we're performing second with the Warblers before us and the Golden Goblets will be on last"
"The Golden Goblets? Never heard of them" Artie remarks
"Who are they Mr Schue" Tina adds with a slight look of confusion
"Does it matter? It's going to be a beat down. We're unstoppable" Noah exclaimed, earning a few laughs from the group.
"Alright, alright" Mr Schue speaks up again, a grin on his face too. "They're a first year team. They finished second at their sectionals but the winning team was disqualified, so they went through instead. We need to be careful guys! I want us to be so prepared and ready for that competition. Its going to take a lot more hard work but when we get there, You're right Puck, we are going to be unstoppable!"
Rachel nodded in agreement; a few murmurs from the others filled the room. They all wanted to be successful this year. Nationals are a must.
"And speaking of being prepared, I want to welcome Miss Corcoran to join us" Mr Schue adds, clapping his hands together as her mom walked into the room. Rachel felt herself perk up at seeing her, a smile growing on her face as she joins in applauding with Mr Schuester, the rest of the group following suit. "She's a proven winner and I know I'm looking forward to having her help"
It was a lovely surprise. Sure, her mom had said that she wanted to help any way she could with Rachel's goal of applying to NYADA and moving to New York, but the two had seen each other recently and Shelby hadn't said a word about this. Someone with her moms experience and pedigree was almost a guarantee their performances would be amazing.
"Thank you" Shelby replied, giving her a wink across the room as their eyes meet "I'm not here to tread on anyone's feet. Will asked me to help out as much as I can, but I won't have any influence on who sings what, or what songs are picked. No favouritism, Will decides"
"Thanks Shelby" Will said with a warm smile. "First things first, as we all agreed when the Troubletones re-joined, they get a number. I want you girls to start us off, come in and kill it! I was brainstorming some ideas over the weekend and What doesn't kill you makes you stronger would be a great song to kick us off"
"Oh my god yes" Santana exclaims
"That song is awesome" Sugar adds, clapping her hands together.
Rachel can't say she disagrees with either of them; after all it had been her alarm for several months before Christmas and a favourite of hers in her morning workout mix. Already her head was filled with imagining the girls on the stage singing it; it was a great selection with areas that Santana, Mercedes, Brittany could all show their amazing vocals.
"So we're in agreement?" Mr Schue asks with wide open arms. Even with her feeling heart broken, she can't help but laugh as the whole group shouts their agreement. "Great…awesome. Shelby and I will start working on the choreography, which you've all improved on so much with! I'm thinking we start on it tomorrow. Now, after kicking it off with the Troubletones, I want to do another group number and finish with a solo"
Rachel watches as he looks right at her "Last year Rachel was our MVP at regionals and quite frankly, our good luck charm. I want to keep that going and have you do another solo this year. What do you say, Rachel are you up for it?"
She felt everyone look at her as she took in his words. She didn't dare to try and see if James was one of them, instead trying to focus on the fact she was getting a solo. She was happy, the faith Mr Schue was willing to put in her again was enough to make her swell with pride. The opportunity to stand up there and deliver for the team (and herself) was something she loved, something she sometimes (all the time) thought about when competitions came around. Putting a wide smile on her face, she nodded. "Of course I am, thank you"
After a few congratulations from the rest of the group, including Noah's remark off "You're going to kill it princess" - Mr Schue had told her he wanted them to sit down with Shelby at some point that week to discuss her solo properly. Preferably after they had nailed down the second number and started work on the Troubletones piece.
The rest of practise was spent discussing possible choices for the group number. Finn had spoke up, saying that they always worked best when they were all together, working towards the common goal of winning. Mr Schue agreed that they should decide their group number as a team. Ideas were put forward and debated between them all; the choices were mirroring each persons own music taste. The most popular suggestion was Sam's: Of doing a mashup since they "rocked sectionals with it" (his words)
"You know, I hate out that we missed on the chance to do Michael..." Mercedes interrupted as Brittany suggested doing The Thong Song. "I'm obviously glad to be back with you guys, but the chance to do MJ..."
"I agree, we were all kinds of awesome at sectionals but MJ is a legend" Santana adds
"Such a shame" Brittany replies, leaning her head against Santana's shoulder. Mercedes sighs wishfully.
"So lets talk about it. We all loved learning the choreography" Mike speaks up "Who wants to do Michael?"
"Do the same artist again? Thats ghetto dude" Noah shakes his head
"Shut up Puckerman" Lauren remarks, punching his shoulder
"Mike is right" Blaine joins in, a thoughtful look on his face "MJ is an amazing choice. It suits who we are perfectly, we're best when we're dancing loose and enjoying it and we all love him. Who says we can't do it again?"
"They have a point you know. You guys were really into it at sectionals and I think it would be a great idea to recreate that" Mr Schue finished, turning to her mom "Shelby?"
"I agree. You guys were enjoying yourselves so much up there. Its why you won"
"Are we all in agreement?" Mr Schue turned back to them. They all raised their hands instantly. "Awesome. Most important thing is...we need to bring back the booty camp"
They laughed with him as he looked at Finn suggestively.
"Now we just need to decide on which song..."
"Mr Schue…in honour of our decision to do MJ again, May I?" Blaine asked standing up.
"The floor is all yours" Mr Schue waved his arm towards the centre of the floor as he and Shelby retreated to the far side.
She can't help but laugh out loud as Blaine pulls a CD out of his backpack and explains "I always carry this around with me. You never know and without our wonderful band here..."
Blaine puts the CD in the player and moves to the centre of the room as the music starts. They all cheer as he performs the dance moves in front of them all, as he starts to sing; Kurt, Mike, Britt, Santana and Mercedes move alongside him.
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
You got to be startin' somethin'
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
You got to be startin' somethin'
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
You're too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
I took my baby to the doctor with a fever
But nothing he found
By the time this hit the street
They said she had a breakdown
Someone's always tryin' to start my baby cryin'
Talkin', squealin', lyin'
Sayin' you just wanna be startin' somethin'
The six of them are amazing as they dance and swing around each other, mimicking each other brilliantly. Rachel feels Quinn drag her up by the hand as the main chorus starts again.
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
You got to be startin' somethin'
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
You got to be startin' somethin'
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
You're a vegetable (You're a vegetable)
You're a vegetable (You're a vegetable)
Still they hate you (Still they hate you)
You're a vegetable (You're a vegetable)
You're just a buffet (You're just a buffet)
You're a vegetable (You're a vegetable)
They eat off of you (They eat off of you)
You're a vegetable
She couldn't help but laugh as she was passed between Noah and Mike, both of them twirling her around as they danced in a huge group. Over the next few lines of the song, they'd formed a circle as each person danced through the middle: silly moves, splits, moonwalking – all of it! Even Shelby and Mr Schue had been dragged into it by Finn and Noah. All of them enjoying it as Blaine belted out the song.
Lift your head up high and scream out to the world
I know I am someone, and let the truth unfurl
No one can hurt you now because you know what's true
Yes, I believe in me, so do believe in you
Help me sing it
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Help me sing it babe
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Puck pulled her closer as the entire club was singing along with Blaine now, squeezing her tight as they rocked their hips.
Sing it to the world, sing it out loud
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
"Thank you Blaine, that was amazing!" Mr Schue said clapping Blaine on the back "Okay guys, assignment for this week. Michael songs we can do for our second number. This is a strong option but I want to get a few and we'll have a vote at the end of the week!"
Rachel smiles as she watches the rest of the group as they all congratulate one another at the end of rehearsal. She turns her head, wanting nothing more to try to speak to James and to share her happiness at being given a solo with him. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Sam and James already walking out of the choir room, her smile fading as she squeezes her eyes shut to stop the tears. All she wanted was to talk to him. Logically, she knew he needed space but being the girl she was, she hated it when people ignored her: especially James. It may have only been a few hours since lunch, but she craved him.
"Want to come to my house Rach" She hears Quinn's voice in her ear, followed by soft hand gripping her arm gently. Turning towards him, she opens her eyes and sees Quinn and Kurt gazing at her with a concerned look on his face. Rachel nods silently.
...
Before leaving school with Kurt, Mercedes and Quinn she had text her dads letting them know she was with her friends and would be home late. Once the four of them had gotten to Quinn's she had broken down again while Kurt held her murmuring in her ear gently.
Once she had managed to compose herself, Rachel had explained to the Kurt and Mercedes what had happened at lunch with Quinn adding her own knowledge of the situation when she felt she needed to stop. She appreciated how supportive the three of them had been, reassuring her that it wasn't the end of her relationship and all that was needed was time. Rachel wasn't so sure if she agreed with them but she appreciated their friendship. Quinn's mom had come home and made them all dinner. Afterwards, they'd made their way back upstairs and watched TV together for a few more hours before going their separate ways: each telling her to call them if she needed anything.
She'd dreaded getting home. Her Dads had that parent superpower to know whenever there was something wrong and they hated when she wasn't her normal bubbly, happy self. They made it their mission to cheer her up if they thought she might be even a little bit down. Rachel had adored it when she was a little girl and probably even more so as she got older. It always made her feel loved, she knew she was lucky to have the two of them – they'd always been the most attentive parents anyone could ask for but that particular superpower had its downsides.
Taking a deep breathe, she'd put a smile on her face before walking over to them as they had sat watching their Monday night documentary and she'd spend the next half hour telling them everything about her classes, rehearsals and dinner at Quinn's. When she was younger and had come home upset that people were bullying, or flat out refused to speak to her, they had always insisted it was others kids fault and she was perfect the way she was. Even so, Rachel knew it meant the world to them for her to be surrounded by this group of friends now – people she could rely on.
Thankfully her dads accepted her excuse that James had a ton of homework to do and wasn't free for the evening. For once that day, she had a bit of good fortune when it came to him, as they told her that Andrea had also mentioned that James had a load of schoolwork when she'd visited a few hours earlier with an invite for the three of them to the new restaurant. Rachel felt herself brighten up at the invite to dinner: It was opening the week after but Andrea was insisting they came Saturday as she planned on having a private launch event for families of the staff. Rachel couldn't way to see the restaurant and was definitely excited to have dinner there, remembering the delicious meal she'd enjoyed in Oregon.
Rachel stayed with her Dads a half hour longer before kissing both of them on the cheek as she excused herself to get ready for bed. As soon as she'd got into her room, she walked over and collapsed face first into the duvet, exhausted and her emotions in ruins
…
"I wish you would have said something about helping us" Rachel said as she watched her mom feed Beth.
That day had been hard. She'd woke up absolutely hating the fact it was only Tuesday, struggling to motivate herself to get out of bed. Having breakfast with her dad made her feel better but that had soon worn off the moment she had got into school, just the matter of walking to her locker and James not being there had its effect.
She only shared a couple of classes with James that day but they were enough to make her feel horrendous as he managed, at lunch as well, to find other people to sit with. By the time that glee had come around and Shelby had caught her before rehearsal had started, Rachel had been more than happy to accept the invite for dinner. Jumping at the chance to spend the time with her mom.
"I know sweetie. Honestly, Will only spoke to me last week about helping regionals" Shelby answered as she fed Beth from a small orange bowl "It was nice surprise though, right?"
"It was" Rachel replied truthfully, stirring her pasta with her fork "It made my day"
Shelby smiled widely at her "I'm glad"
"I really think that we're going to be so amazing at with you helping" Rachel continues after taking a mouthful of food "You'll give us that final push"
"I hope so" Shelby replies, leaning her hand forward to grasps Rachel's free one. "I was so happy when you asked me to write your letter of recommendation for your NYADA application. I know I've not always been around for you but anyway I can help I want to."
"Mommy!" Beth's impatient voice making her giggle.
"Sorry baby" Shelby coos, resuming feeding Beth. Rachel can't help smiling at her. Even though they're not actually sisters, she adores Beth and thankfully the little girl feels the same way, always a bright, happy look on her face when Rachel walks in the door. The rest of dinner is a mess as Beth insists on helping her mom eat her own meal: the three of them laughing loudly. Rachel helps her mum clean Beth up and another thirty minutes later Beth has been put to bed, the two of them going back into the kitchen.
"Quinn said she was over here last week"
"Yeah" Shelby nods "Our relationship has got a lot better since Christmas"
"I'm glad, it must be a nice break to have someone else be able to babysit. Aside from your favourite babysitter of course" Rachel says cheekily
"I appreciate it when you do" Shelby smiles warmly at her. "Did Quinn tell you she's hoping to hear back from Yale soon?"
"Yeah, early admissions are coming up"
Shelby nods as they sit back down at the table "I don't see any issues with her getting in. Her application was perfect"
"I know, I read it and I thought mine was good, but hers is just wow" Rachel laughs "I'm so happy for her. I know I can't wait to hear from NYADA"
"Have you started to working on your audition?"
"I've had a selection of three songs since I was about three" Rachel replied, laughing alongside her mom
"Of course"
"Do you know when they normally schedule the auditions? The forums are a bit mixed..."
"In the past, I've known it to be March" Shelby explains "They don't normally tell you who is auditioning you until a week before"
"That soon?" Rachel asks
"Yeah, they like to see how you do under pressure" Shelby laughs "Carmen Tibideaux has always said it builds character"
"How many of your group at Vocal Adrenaline got in?" Rachel bites her lip as she thinks about how competitive it is to go to school there.
"Only a few" Shelby leans her head on her palm., resting her elbow on the table "NYADA look for excellence, particularly in Musical theatre and performing arts. I think you'll be the top of the list"
"You do?" Rachel says with a soft voice, her smile growing
"You're so smart" Shelby replies nodding her head, her own smile wide "And you have the background in music, the performing achievements to back it up. You just have to nail your audition"
Rachel nods, that feeling of contentment warm inside her. These moments with Shelby mean the world to her and that she actually gets to spend time with her mom dulls the hurt from the troubles in her love life.
"Speaking of performing, have you thought about what you want to sing for regionals?"
"I've had a few ideas" Rachel says with a smile, Shelby laughing lightly at her "I don't know what to pick – I want something that works with whatever Michael song we pick. I feel like if I go with a Celine, Whitney or something broadway it's not going to feel right"
"I agree, although I do love it when you sing one of the classics" Shelby nods "I feel like going a bit more into rock for you. It'll work so well with Michael Jackson and Clarkson, plus I think that it's a bit outside of your comfort zone"
"I like that" She says after a moment. Honestly, it was a genre music she wasn't that familiar with – she'd delved into it for glee assignments but nothing extensive "Which songs?"
"I've got a few ideas but it'll be a surprise for Friday" Shelby teased "This was always my favourite part. Getting to work with people like Jesse, you... Helping you with songs that really showcase how talented you.
"I'm glad you're here to help me"
...
A/N : Very horrible to write Rachel being sad and pining. But, it'll work out in the end for her and James. I've been thinking how to try and bring Shelby in a bit more so i thought this was a good time to. It has always annoyed me just vanishes from season 3...
S3 Episode 11 (Michael) is going to be a bit spread out across this chapter (Blaine's injury etc..) and the next as I weave in some other stuff. Update will be soon!
Thanks for reading !