For the #SurreraCountdown on Twitter...2 days (less than 48 hours). This story has clearly been my dream for how they get past all the hurt and anger. I hope you enjoy this last part.
The next morning Andy awoke before Robert. Glancing at her watch, she was surprised to see it was just after 10 a.m. Even though they had been awake until early in the morning, it was the best night's sleep she had gotten since before the drama with Chief McAllister. She took a minute to look at the man sleeping next to her. He was insanely handsome, that hadn't changed, and in his sleep, he had a relaxed demeanor she knew she hadn't seen in weeks, although if she were honest with herself, she hadn't seen it in months: not since before the drama with her family and his suspension.
As she lay there watching him sleep, she thought about their conversation. The only other time she had seen him that vulnerable was during those hours they spent trapped in the aid car together and he talked about Claire, and how he didn't know what he would do if he couldn't fight fires anymore. Since their wedding, it had been one crisis after another, and somewhere along the way, they had forgotten that they could count on each other. Each had made decisions, about things both personal and professional, forgetting that what had originally brought them together was their willingness to support each other through the most difficult times. They had taken a step in the right direction the previous night, but Andy knew she had to be fully honest with Robert, just like he had been with her. She just hoped he was still willing to stay by her side when she did.
She closed her eyes for a minute, trying to keep the tears at bay. When she opened them again, she looked once more to her husband. Even though they had stayed on their respective sides of the bed all night, their hands were practically touching in the middle of the bed. Mere millimeters separated their fingers, as she debated picking up her hand and placing it on Robert's, his eyes opened, and she realized she had been caught watching him sleep.
An awkwardness that never existed between them in the bedroom before emerged, and she quickly sat up. "I'm going to take a shower," she said as she got up, grabbed some clean clothes, and walked quickly toward the bathroom. "Then I'll make us some breakfast."
Robert didn't have time to say more than "ok" before she had closed the bathroom door behind her.
He laid back in bed with a sigh. They had made so much progress last night, but what was supposed to happen next? While he agreed with Dr. Williams that sex wasn't a solution to all of their problems, he would have been a little more relaxed if it didn't seem like Andy was afraid to be in bed with him. As he thought about a plan for the day, he was startled from his thoughts by the text message alert on his phone. It was Richard.
"Just making sure you're ok," the brief message read.
Robert smiled. He couldn't remember the last time that someone he wasn't married to cared about his whereabouts.
"I'm at home," Robert texted back. "Andy and I talked late into the night, and I crashed here."
Richard's reply was a smiling face emoji, and one last comment: "Keep talking to her, and don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything."
Robert replied with a quick "Thank you, for everything" before getting spending a few minutes on his phone considering some options that would get him and Andy out of the house.
As he showered, Andy went downstairs and started the coffee machine and added an extra scoop of the coffee grounds to the filter. She wasn't feeling too terrible, but between her fitful sleep the past few weeks, the alcohol at the fundraiser last night, and the fact that she and Robert had talked until almost dawn, she was in desperate need of some caffeine to help her make it through the day. She made a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, and fruit for the two of them, and just as she was setting the food on the table, Robert made his way downstairs. He went to the kitchen to pour two cups of coffee and joined Andy at the table.
Not wanting to jump into difficult conversations before either of them had something to eat, he started with something a little lighter.
"I got a text from Richard while you were in the shower," Robert said with a grin. "I guess I stayed out past my curfew."
Andy smiled. She was glad Robert had someone to help him manage his recovery, and it seemed that Richard was becoming somewhat of a friend and mentor to Robert as well.
"He seems like a good man," Andy noted between sips of her coffee.
"He is," Robert confirmed. "He's been through a lot, and he's made some big mistakes, but he's been able to use what he's learned along the way to help other people."
"I could see you doing that," Andy said quietly. "Talking with vets or even people in the SFD. You're living proof that you can go through some terrible stuff and come out stronger on the other side."
Robert reached his hand across the table and placed it on Andy's, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you," he said simply, before getting up to clear their plates.
"I was thinking we might go walk around the art fair that's being held in Waterfront Park," Robert began.
"You want to go to an air fair?" Andy said with a bit of a smile. Robert had never shown any real interest in art, and she was reasonably sure the one piece hanging up in the living area had probably come with the house.
"Yeah, it's a gorgeous day, and we've been cooped up here or at the station for so long, it'll be nice to walk around. And there will be food trucks if we get hungry," Robert explained with a smile, knowing that last point would likely win Andy over. Whenever they were in downtown Seattle, it was almost impossible to get her to pass a food truck without buying something, a habit that had only gotten worse during COVID times because, as she repeatedly informed him: "It's important to support local small businesses."
Andy smiled at her husband. She knew she was being played, but she didn't mind. A day outside along the water sounded perfect.
"Will Dough Joy be there?" Andy asked. She loved their vegan donuts, especially the bright pink "Strawberry Milkshake," although it made Robert cringe at the thought of all of that fat and sugar every time she got one.
"Of course. That was the first thing I checked when I saw at the list of trucks," Robert said with a grin. He wasn't sure how the rest of the day would go, but he would gladly ply his wife with sugary, fried dough if it helped them figure out how to move forward together. And, to be honest, he was hopeful that the combination of the beautiful summer day, the views of the city and the waterfront, and the crowds of people might help keep both their tempers in check as they continued their conversation from last night.
They spent the late morning and early afternoon walking through the booths, talking about the works they liked, and sometimes walking away quickly before sharing a "what were they thinking?" look or chuckle when they saw a particularly heinous piece of art. As they approached the area where the food trucks were parked, Robert suggested that Andy find a bench to sit on while he got her donut and iced coffees for each of them.
She found a park bench away from the worst of the crowds and sat down. It was nice being out like this with Robert, enjoying the city, and just being together, without any drama. However, there was one thing that was weighing on her and had been for the last two weeks. While she knew she could keep it hidden, that felt dishonest to her, so as she gazed across Puget Sound, she decided she would tell him as soon as he returned with their snack.
Andy sat alone with her thoughts for a few minutes, both wanting Robert to return, and dreading the conversation she knew she needed to have. When he arrived, he handed her the beloved donut, and placed her iced coffee on the bench next to her, before sitting down himself. As he did, he began speaking, without any preamble.
"One of the things I talked about with Dr. Williams is the reason I was so angry with you after the wedding. He suggested that you held a mirror up to some parts of my personality that I'm not exactly proud of," Robert began.
"Robert, I…" Andy interrupted. She had planned to tell him, psyched herself up to tell him, and now he started talking.
"Let me finish, please," Robert asked quietly and Andy did, deciding to enjoy her donut while he talked. "I've put my career ahead of everything else before, and that hurt you badly. I almost involved myself in one of Dixon's schemes to save my career, and I thought longer than I should have about Gregory's suggestion that I dissuade Dean from continuing with the lawsuit. My career is important to me, for reasons the therapist is helping me see. I've made mistakes, and while I'm not sure that this is one of them, I should have tried to understand things from your perspective. I'm sorry."
Andy paused, taking in everything Robert had said. "I accept your apology," she said simply before continuing to speak. "I'm not sure I'll ever fully agree with what you did, but I know you well enough that I should have accepted that you made the best decision you could at that moment. I let my anger cloud my judgment."
Robert breathed a small sigh of relief. As he had considered how to move forward with Andy, he knew that if they couldn't come to some sort of consensus on his actions in McAllister's office, it would be difficult to stay together. However, as he looked at his wife, she looked pensive, even anxious, as she took the last bites of her snack. He took a sip from his iced coffee and waited, hoping she would share whatever was on her mind. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long.
"Robert," she began slowly, her voice quavering just slightly as she spoke.
Robert turned to look at her but did not say anything. He heard the edge in her voice and it started his stomach churning.
"I have something to tell you. It's something I'm not proud of, and if I could turn back the clock and make a different decision, I would," Andy began.
Robert stiffened. He thought back to the previous night when he had been concerned that she might have cheated on him. It couldn't be that, could it?
"Just tell me, Andy," Robert said, attempting to steel himself for whatever she had to say.
Andy took a breath. She knew that dragging it out was likely only increasing Robert's anxiety, but she also knew that what she had to say was going to hurt him, and despite her anger over the last two weeks, she still loved him and didn't want to cause him undue pain, especially since they seemed to be slowly building a bridge forward.
"That night, at Kaminski's, I went outside to get some fresh air. I was still so angry. A few minutes later Jack came out and we talked. I said some stuff I didn't mean," Andy began.
"You talked to Jack?" Robert clarified.
"Yeah, I was angry, and I vented to the first person who was there," Andy explained.
"What did you say?" Robert asked, looking at his wife closely. He couldn't imagine what was so horrible that it would be tearing Andy up like this.
Andy couldn't hold his gaze. She looked down at her hands. She was embarrassed about what she had said and mortified because of who she had said it to. She was also surprised by who had called her out on her behavior. Later that evening, after Jack and Inara had talked, she had bumped into Jack again, and she attempted to continue where she left off in her rant.
"Andy, you have to stop," Jack interrupted. "I can't listen to any more of this."
Andy paused, but then turned her anger on Jack. "I thought you were my friend? Now I'm in crisis and I need someone to talk to, and you're telling me to stop. Thanks a lot."
Jack took a breath. He was still reeling from his conversation with Inara. Somewhere deep down he knew she was right. He had fallen in love with the idea of her, and the dream of a family, but he knew that he didn't love her the way she deserved to be loved. Just like he knew Andy did not love him the way he deserved to be loved. That love was reserved for her husband, regardless of the words she had just spoken.
"Andy, I care about you, and I value your friendship. That's why I'm telling you to stop. You love him, Andy; everyone can see it. I'm not sure what happened, or what he did, and maybe it's unforgivable, but if it's not, and you two decide you want to try to figure it out together, venting to your ex-boyfriend isn't going to make things any better. Plus, I have to work with the guy."
Jack's words seemed to penetrate Andy's anger just a little. She wasn't ready to think about forgiving and forgetting, but she realized she needed to find another outlet for her anger.
"You're right, Jack," she said with a sigh. "I'm sorry."
"I said some stuff about our marriage, about our bond being lust and not love," Andy began to explain. "I didn't believe it, I don't believe it, but I was just so angry. I'm sorry I said it…"
Andy trailed off as she saw a flash of pain in Robert's eyes. It disappeared quickly though, as he began to speak.
"It had to be Jack?" Robert said, attempting a bit of levity, but falling flat. "It couldn't have been Vic, or Ben, or even Theo. Why not Theo? He seems like a nice enough guy."
"Don't do that Robert," Andy said somewhat sharply, but her anger was directed more toward herself than it was at Robert. "Don't let me off that hook. Don't try to cover your feelings with a joke."
Robert took Andy's hand in his, noting, for not the first time, how small and fragile her hand looked in his much larger one. "Yeah, it hurts to think you thought those things, said those things" he began, before trailing off. He quickly weighed his options: allow Andy's confession to derail the progress they had made, or figure out a way to make peace with it.
He took a breath and continued speaking. "You told me not too long ago when I did some things I wasn't proud of that it wasn't about purity, it was about growth. You were willing to extend me some grace, the least I can do is return the favor," he said gently.
Andy looked down at their hands, intertwined together for the first time in weeks, and then back to her husband. "Thank you, Robert," she said, a sheen of tears apparent in her eyes.
"Can you do me one favor though?" Robert asked.
"Anything," Andy replied. The conversations over the past 12 hours had convinced Andy that she wanted her marriage to work, and she was willing to do just about anything to make that happen.
"Find a professional to talk to," Robert said simply. "You can go to my guy, or I can ask him to recommend someone, or you can find someone on your own, but you've been through so much. You need someone to help you work through it."
"And," Robert thought to himself, "You need someone to vent to other than your ex-boyfriend."
Robert, wisely, kept that thought unspoken. Andy seemed to be truly remorseful, so he didn't want to do anything to make her feel worse. The topic of some boundaries with Jack would need to be a topic for another day.
"Yeah," Andy began. "I can do that. I bet Diane might know some people I can talk to."
They both knew that the past two weeks had damaged their marriage, but in that moment, sitting on that bench in the park overlooking Puget Sound, they both had hope that they could come out of this stronger and more resilient. After a few minutes of silent contemplation, Robert turned to his wife.
"Have we said everything that needs to be said?" Robert asked tentatively.
"For now," Andy replied. She felt like she understood Robert better than she ever had before, and now that she had been honest with Robert about her conversation with Jack, she felt like a weight had been lifted off of her.
"So what's next," Andy asked. She was hoping Robert would agree to go pick up his belongings from Richard's that afternoon. She wanted her husband back home with her where he belonged.
"What's next is I'm going to kiss you," Robert said, his serious tone of voice contrasting with the small smile that had formed on his face.
"You are?" Andy replied, her tone equally serious, but he could see just a bit of merriment in her eyes.
"I am," Robert confirmed, before slowly leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her lips.
It wasn't a kiss of passion, but one of promise. A promise that when they returned home, they would work together to fight for their marriage, and a promise that from that point forward, they would handle whatever life threw at them together.