Chapter 1: Potions Aspirations
Author's Note: This takes place one year after the Battle for Hogwarts. The castle has been restored. The main change to the original story thus far is that Professor Snape never taught Defense Against the Dark Arts. He did take the Headmaster position when the Death Eaters took over the Ministry, but he stepped down to give the position to Professor McGonagall after the war. Brixton Winchester is in the same year as Harry and his friends. She has been friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione since their first year she helped them a lot in their fight against Voldemort over the years. She stayed at Hogwarts while the trio searched for the horcruxes. I have it set where the Battle will have taken place sooner in the school year, disrupting the entire student body's attendance as the castle was rebuilt. So Brixton and her friends are back at the school to finish her seventh year and most of the students in Harry's year have returned to do the same. Another change is that I have changed it to where Harry and Brixton saw Snape's memories in the Pensive together while Ron and Hermione were with the Weasley family grieving Fred's death. Severus Snape survived. Remus Lupin and Dobby also survived. All other deaths at the battle will apply to this story unless otherwise mentioned.
He has to say yes. I have surely proven myself. Brixton Winchester thought to herself firmly. She was trying to steel her nerves as she made her way to the dungeon of Hogwarts castle. She had not spoken to Professor Snape since last year at the Battle for Hogwarts. He had sent her one very short letter that simply read "Thank you." That was signed "Severus Snape". She knew that if it had not been for her quick reactions he would have died from the wounds inflicted by Lord Voldemort's evil snake Nagini. She was thankful she had been there with her friends Harry, Ron, and Hermione. The war had forged some unbreakable bonds, but Brixton had few people she could truly rely on. Luna Lovegood was her only friend from her own House. She had thought that things would be different after the war and that people would just be kinder to each other. Apparently that's just not human nature. The fact of the matter was she was just different from most of the students at Hogwarts. She always had been a little isolated. That's why she and her best friend Luna enjoyed each other's company so much. They could simply be different together. Even still, Brixton had not discussed tonight's plan with anyone at all. She knew that they would try to talk her out of it.
Focusing back on her mission a knot of anxiety gripped Brixton in the stomach. Things had been incredibly tense around Professor Snape since the Battle for Hogwarts. The man had thought he was going to die. He had shared his memories through his tears. It was obvious that those deathbed confessions were given with the intention of never having to talk about them. This had made him more reclusive and guarded around pretty much everyone. His last words to Brixton, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were to swear not to discuss what they had seen with anyone. That was just before losing consciousness in the Great Hall where everyone was tending to the wounded.
Brixton and her friends of course had to share parts of what they had seen during the trial against Professor Snape for killing Dumbledore and his other actions as a Death Eater. Their testimony had saved the Potions Master from a lifetime in Azkaban. After he was cleared of all charges he simply bowed his head to the Wizengamot and left, never once speaking a word to Brixton and her friends. She assumed he must have been embarrassed by everything that he had shared with them through his tears. It also could not have been an easy burden to bear having slain his only true friend and mentor. Unfortunately even though he had been pardoned and retained his position at Hogwarts, society had not been kind to the professor. He was constantly the gossip in the Daily Prophet and it seemed that most people feared and avoided him. As such, he had become even more reclusive than he had before. Despite encouragement from Brixton and Hermione, Harry had yet to try to talk to Professor Snape about his memories. It seemed he wanted the professor to be the one to strike up the conversation. That had yet to happen.
School had been back in session for a week and Potions classes had been very mundane. It seemed that Professor Snape had lost his passion for teaching the art of potion brewing. He also was very rarely seen around the castle. Brixton had not even seen him in the Great Hall for meals. It was almost as if the man wanted to disappear. All she could hope is that he would be agreeable with her plan. Fortunately for her the Potions Master seemed to find her slightly less insufferable than he did her dear friend Hermione. In their first year Brixton had learned to keep herself mostly quiet in class and allowed her potions to speak for themselves.
After taking one last deep breath to calm herself Brixton knocked at Snape's office door. It seemed to take several minutes but finally the door opened and revealed the professor dressed in his usual dark robes, inky dark hair hanging around his chin, and a very irritated look upon his face. "Miss Winchester" he nodded his head slightly before continuing, "whatever could you possibly need after office hours?"
"Good Evening, Professor." Brixton smiled "I apologize for intruding. I hope I haven't interrupted anything important." She glanced past him into the room. It was a comfortable and tidy room with a formal dark green sofa and arm chairs that looked rarely used. Bookshelves filled with books, scrolls, and other objects lined the walls. A cluttered desk sat in the corner of the room. A book was laid upside down with the pages open to about the middle of the book. A short glass of what appeared to be some sort of liquor on ice sat next to the book. A lamp sitting on the desk was lighting up the small space.
Severus sighed in exasperation without meeting her eyes. "Miss Winchester, my time is very valuable to me. I don't intend to waste it standing in a doorway so come in and have a seat. Tell me what it is you need." He opened the door and gestured to the sitting area. Brixton thanked the man and hurried in to sit on one end of the sofa. Severus followed her to sit in the closest arm chair while shutting the door behind him.
Brixton studied him for a moment. Wide red scars spread across Professor Snape's chin and trailed down his neck until they were hidden beneath his high collared button up shirt. A sudden memory of that awful night overcame Brixton. She saw flashes of bite marks and skin and remembered the feeling of his warm blood on her hands as she applied pressure and muttered spells meant to slow the spread of venom. She had administered several potions that had saved the man's life. The flashback shook her and she just stared at her professor and chewed her lip.
Trying not to meet her gaze Severus cleared his throat hoping she would speak. The silence was painful. He wanted so badly to thank her properly and express his gratitude towards her for saving his life, but he wasn't sure he was happy to be alive. He most certainly did not want to talk about the memories he had given Harry while Brixton was doing her best to save his life. He truly just wanted to be left alone with his pain and misery. If it had not been for Minerva's pleading he wouldn't have returned to Hogwarts at all. She had felt that he deserved to keep his position for the brave and noble way that he had managed to keep the students safe while fooling Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Severus had tried his best, but he wasn't sure that he agreed with her assessment.
Finally Brixton found her words. "Professor, I'm sorry to bother you this evening. I happened to overhear Headmistress McGonagall talking to Professor Sprout about how you want to take the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. She said she is having an incredibly hard time finding someone qualified enough to take the Potions position. Is that true, Professor?"
Severus nodded before he could even think about the question. Teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts was all he had ever wanted. Dumbledore had always pressed that it would hurt the plan to stop Voldemort. It turned out that Voldemort himself had cursed the position so that no one would be able to hold the position for more than a year. Now that that wasn't an issue Severus wanted the job even more. He believed that his many years of working as a double agent and vast knowledge of the dark arts could really make the difference in the classroom. He hoped that it could give him back his passion for teaching. Preparing young witches and wizards for what is really out there could only serve to hinder upcoming dark wizards and witches. The last thing Severus wanted was another Lord Voldemort gaining power. It was inevitable that there would always be darkness and danger in the world and he wanted to use his knowledge to help stop more people from going through the pain he had gone through. First he had lost Lily and then Dumbledore. Curse the man for making Severus be the one to kill him. Knowing that he had only had about a year left to live was of absolutely no comfort at all. All he had done was spare Draco the horror of doing it himself. At least he had managed that.
For the first time he looked the young witch in the face and said, "Yes. I do indeed wish to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. However, what does that have to do with you?" He studied her pale freckled face, brilliant green eyes, and her dark curls that came down to her shoulders. Why did she save him? Every day he felt so unworthy of such kindness. Severus knew what she had seen in his tears. The parts involving Lily and James were dreadfully embarrassing and painful. A big part of him just wished that Brixton would leave so he could return to his drink and not have to think about these things.
"Well Professor, potions are my absolute passion. I have tried not to be a nuisance to you over the years but to be truthful I think you are absolutely brilliant and I want to learn as much as I can from you. I was hoping that you might consider tutoring me in the most advanced and restricted potions."
The professor's eyes narrowed as he considered this. It had been two decades since anyone had called him "brilliant". There was a long pause before he finally spoke. "You are already in my Double Advanced Potions class. There is nothing more that I could teach you that would be appropriate for your level of learning." He looked her over as though he wanted to say more but a heavy silence settled around them. Brixton finally found her voice again, "Professor Snape, I know that I am in Double Advanced Potions. However, I want to learn more. I want to eventually truly master potions in the way that you have. I am not like most of my peers. I don't want to simply get through my potions class so that I can finish school. I want to make potions my life. I want to know everything that there is to learn." She paused and searched his eyes finding a glint of surprise there before continuing, "If you will train me I want to apply for the Potions position when I graduate."
It was exceedingly rare for the Potions Master to be caught off guard. His experience as a spy before and during the second war against Lord Voldemort had him extremely well trained at masking his thoughts and feelings. This time however, he was completely and utterly stunned and it was written all over his face. Quickly recovering he cleared his throat and shook his head at her. "I'm surprised at your arrogance Miss Winchester. It is extraordinarily bold of you to come to me and ask for my job. Even more bold from a girl who barely speaks in class."
Brixton gritted her teeth at the man's words. I saved your life she thought. Instead she said "I am anything but arrogant. I am capable and self-aware. There is a very big difference. For what it is worth, I know that you don't like an 'insufferable know-it-all' so I keep my mouth shut most of the time. I also don't feed off of my professors' approval. Hogwarts has plenty of students starved for attention. I just want to learn as much as I can and produce quality classwork."
After a moment of silence Brixton continued "In all your years of teaching have you ever taught a witch or wizard who is better than I am at potion brewing? Beyond that have you ever met a witch or wizard that was passionate enough about it to want more classwork? If you can honestly say yes then I will leave immediately and find another profession. This castle has been the only home I have had since I was eleven years old. I am only here because this is truly the most important thing in the world to me."
"No." the word came flatly out of Severus' mouth with great reluctance. There was no denying that she was the absolute most gifted potions brewer that he had ever met. He genuinely believed her to be more naturally talented than even he himself was. He stared at the floor for a moment. Being around Brixton Winchester was one of the hardest things for him to do. It meant facing the reality of his near death experience. It also made him think of what he had shared with Harry. He would have to face that all eventually though. The real issue was that he just did not enjoy teaching anymore. Then again he wasn't particularly fond of anything and hadn't been in close to two decades. He knew his moodiness and general disdain for life was even worse after the second war. Perhaps this chance at teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts was the change in life that Severus needed to give him meaning. Redemption he hoped.
Turning back to Brixton he said, "Since you seem so determined I will do this. I have to admit you are rather gifted in the subtle arts of potion making. You do have real potential. We shall start tomorrow immediately after classes are finished for the day. I expect you to be prompt and motivated. We will be working on potions from several books in the restricted section. These are potions that are never taught at Hogwarts due to their dangerous and delicate nature."
She sat up straight and was positively glowing at his agreement. "Thank you so much, Professor! I know you really won't regret this."
"There is one more thing that you must agree to in order for me to do this," continued Severus "I will get with Headmistress McGonagall and rearrange your schedule so that you may attend my first year potions class. I want you to assist me in teaching so that you will be prepared to actually teach when the year is up. You will need to know more than just how to brew. You will need to know all the possibilities of poor brewing and how to guide students in the art. Do you accept this condition as well?"
Brixton was beyond thrilled. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She had not expected to actually be able to assist in instructing students. "Yes, of course! I am very eager to get started."
"Very well, then." Severus turned to look at his glass of whiskey on the desk. All of the ice had melted. Checking a clock on the wall he realized it was quite late. He motioned towards the door. "I will escort you to Ravenclaw Tower seeing as how it is past curfew."
The walk from the dungeons was quiet and more than a little awkward. Severus couldn't think of anything to say to his student other than things he just could not bring himself to talk about. His dreams were haunted with memories of the war and his near death. The last thing he remembered was Brixton pressing against him to stop the bleeding and whispering her incantations pleadingly. It was more than he deserved. He hoped that helping her learn how to teach Potions would be a start to repay that debt.
He glanced over to Brixton who seemed to be positively glowing. It was truly a surprise to Severus. She was right about most students despising potions and preferring more instantaneous magic. Brixton however had always done so well in his class. Every potion she had ever made was of spectacular quality. Maybe she was the right person to take over his class.
Eventually they made their way to the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room. Severus fidgeted with the sleeve of his cloak unsure of what to say. Brixton saved him the trouble by turning to him and smiling. She had a very hard time containing herself as this was truly the happiest she had felt in such a long time. She was absolutely glowing with happiness. "Thank you so much, Professor, for the extra classes and for the walk to my dormitory." She turned toward the knocker on the door as if to go in but quickly turned back around. Their eyes met and Brixton smiled radiantly, "We don't have to talk about it, sir. But I want you to know that I am very much glad that you are alive." Saving him from having to find a response Brixton muttered the answer to the door knocker's riddle and disappeared behind the door.
Severus froze. Brixton's eyes had been full of admiration and empathy. No one had looked at him like that since Lily. His heart was pounding in his ears. While on the outside he appeared as usual, icy and distant, internally it took a second to compose himself. Walking back to the dungeons he reflected on their conversation and all of the things that he had wanted to say but couldn't. He realized that these private classes were going to be filled with moments like that. He finally admitted to himself that he wasn't going to be able to avoid talking about his memories forever. These classes were going to make it happen sooner rather than later. Merlin help him.