DIFFERENT SHADES OF LOVE
Hello. It's me again...I just hope that you are not tired with me by now...Maybe I'm writing too much recently, but this really helps me to survive this difficult time. If you are bored with me just tell me to shut up ;-) I won't mind...From all the list of the Chelsie stories, that I intend to write, this one has a special place in my heart...I know that I already written two stories revolving around that plot, but this one will be the last, I promise...
Every time I rewatch episode 2 of season three, my heart breaks a little, when Charles treats Elsie so badly, shouting at her about some insignificant matters, when she is going through the hell of her health scare, so this time, I will write an alternative scenario for this episode...Making Charles look better than he really is. I tend to do it very often, I know...I recently found a very good quote on Tumblr, which perfectly describes what I do: "Reblog if you love Mr Carson more than Mr Carson loves Mr Carson". I couldn't express it any better. Hope you will like this little story. It's going to be rather sweet and sensitive, if that counts as a warning of any kind.
Legal note: I don't have any rights to them and never will (crying) ;-)
When all this terrible evening has finally ended, Elsie went to her sitting room, closing the door. There was nothing more that she wanted right now than to be alone. Separated from everyone else. All the people and all the problems. Tonight she really didn't care what was going on. To her all of the Abbey could have collapsed and she couldn't care less about it. She rolled her eyes, thinking about this nightmare dinner, which the blessed Lady Mary intended as a way of illuminating Mrs Levinson. One way or another, it didn't work. The whole evening was one, big disaster. The series of catastrophes seemed to be endless. Everyone were running up and down, working like crazy.
Elsie was not willing to complain about her life, but tonight she really have had up to her head of this whole circus. Like it was important if the dinner will be a success. Who cared about stuff like that? Only that uppity minx and Mr Carson. They were the only two people that still mentally lived in the XIX century, in the time of great parties, esteemed households and those kind of nonsenses.
She was exhausted. Not only physically, but also mentally. Ever since she found out about the lump in her breast, Elsie was not capable of thinking about anything else. She thought about that all day and she thought about that all night. She couldn't even count how many sleepless night did she spent, wondering if she will live or die. And the worst part was, that she was all alone with this heavy burden. Mrs Patmore, who supported her the best way she could, was not always a really helpful person. She was trying, but sometimes her remarks did more damage than help.
Nobody besides her knew about this nightmare. Nobody even suspected what kind of hell was she in. Even if they did, would anybody care? They all had their own life, worrying about surviving each day and making the best of it. Who would care if one, old and strict Scottish housekeeper would die or live? Nobody would. Elsie understood and accepted that. She knew that her work colleagues were just her work colleagues and nothing else. But there was one person in the house who's behavior hurt her immensely. The harsh and cruel remarks from Charles Carson, left a dagger in her heart.
Maybe she had no one but herself to blame for that, if she would have told him the truth, like Mrs Patmore advised her few times, things would have been different. She wouldn't have to live through this humiliation, that she had to faced today, when he reprimanded her in the corridor, saying something about the vitality of pulling her weight.
When he entered her sitting room few moments later, complaining about the work of the maids, while she was talking to Mrs Patmore, she couldn't bear it anymore. She lost her usual calmness and shouted at him back, saying something about him and the blessed Lady Mary, stepping from the clouds and joining the human race. They were sizing themselves up, both full of anger and disappointment.
Elsie didn't remember if they ever addressed each other in such unpleasant way before. It was heartbreaking for her. Not only did she had to face this all alone, fighting with fear and hopeless everyday, but the man who she loved from all her heart, was hurting her openly, not even thinking or wondering what was the cause of her untypical behavior these days. If he would only care, he would have noticed and asked.. But he didn't. He cared. About Lady Mary's dinner style. Lady Mary. Always her. She was number one for him. He was ready to do everything for her. Destroying everything on the way, just to let this cold and selfish woman to get her way. Elsie never despised Lady Mary more than she did now and deep in her heart, she was more than happy that her devious plan didn't work out.
She never felt more alone and abandoned than now. All alone, with nobody to hold on to. She looked through the window, on the moon and the stars and she swallowed her tears, which were running with a wide stream on her face...
Charles was so uneasy as never before. This night was a disaster, not only because the dinner didn't go the way that Lady Mary planned it. He knew that she will be all right. One way or another, she always found a way to win.
He felt hot flushes on his body every time he reminded himself the way that he behaved towards Mrs Hughes. He scolded her like she was a naughty maid that needed a lesson. He had no right to do that, but as always, his strictness won him over. She was so sad, worried and preoccupied those last few days. Something was really off with her and instead of asking or inquiring the reason, he shouted at her in the corridor, saying some horrible things about her not pulling her weight. How could he even do that? And if that wasn't enough, he attacked her few moments later in the presence of Mrs Patmore, scolding her again about her maids work. He knew that he drove her to the edge this time. She had never spoken to him the way that she did today. That was the harshest moment between them, ever since he could remember. Sometimes he didn't really understand himself. She was the woman of his life. The creature that he loved, as he never loved anyone. A woman that he wanted to cherish for the rest of his life and instead of doing that, he continued to hurt her and show his worst side to her.
What was even more horrible, he didn't even understand why he behaved like that. It was like a constant battle of two sides of his personality. The stuffy butler, who was focused on things like missing wine glasses at dinner and the loving man, who wanted to give the whole world to the adored woman.
It was time to go to sleep, but he couldn't bear a thought of going to sleep without reconciling with her. He wouldn't sleep a wink, even being that tired as he was, knowing that she was angry with him. He had to make it right. When he went outside his pantry, on the servants corridor, he saw that the door to her sitting room were closed. He took it as a clear sign of her not wanting to have anything to do with him that night. He shrunk internally and once again he felt a pain in his heart. He saw a light in the kitchen and heard a characteristic footsteps of Mrs Patmore. Obviously she was still up, he figured that it would be a good idea to check the situation with her first, before he will find a courage to go to Mrs Hughes. He went towards the kitchen, to find Mrs Patmore in a really bad mood. She was angry and it was obvious. She was bustling around the kitchen, making much more noise than usual with her pans. She pretended that she didn't see him, standing in the doorway, so he decided to say something.
"Mrs Patmore, I just wanted to ask you is everything all right with Mrs Hughes?"
"How do you think Mr Carson? How could she possibly be all right, after the way you treated her tonight?"
"What do you mean Mrs Patmore?"
"Oh please don't play an innocent with me Mr Carson. I was right there when you scolded her for some silly things regarding her maids."
"It wasn't silly things! The maids were really obnoxious today and they were.."
"You know what Mr Carson? I beg your pardon, but I don't really care what the maids did today and I can assure you that neither does Mrs Hughes.."
"Mrs Patmore there is no need for impertinence here.."
"There is every need for that Mr Carson! You are a head of this household and I'm only the cook. You have a power to sack me and you probably will, after what I'm about to tell you, but to be honest, I really don't care about that. I'm not even sure if I want to work anymore with someone like you!"
"Mrs Patmore..I.."
"Will you let me finish? You are a wise man Mr Carson. You know so much about the world and you understand people so well. You can see through anybody and judge everyone properly. But there are two people that you are not judging correctly. Lady Mary and Mrs Hughes. You idolize Lady Mary and adore her from God knows what reasons, even though she has shown you quite a few times where is your place and you are so blind for the needs of the woman that you love. How thoughtless of you!"
"Who I love? What are you talking about?"
"Oh please Mr Carson...Don't pretend. I can too judge people, even though I might not be that smart as you are. I know what you feel for Mrs Hughes and I certainly know what she feels for you and you know what? Your lack of knowledge on the subject is not a justification here."
"Lack of knowledge? What knowledge?"
"Mrs Hughes is ill. Gravely ill. She begged me to not to tell you, but I can't stay silent anymore. She had some tests done at Dr Clarkson and now she is waiting for the results. She has lump on her breast and it might be cancer. She may die! Do you understand that? She may die! She is living through a nightmare everyday. She hasn't slept properly for many nights and you are shouting at her because of some stupid wine glasses?! Sometimes I think that your adoration for Lady Mary caused that you became like her. A cruel, insensitive person Mr Carson! And that's what I was going to tell you!"- Mrs Patmore was shouting, with her face bright red, she was never so angry as now.
Charles collapsed to the nearest chair, trying to process this shocking information. He simply couldn't believe that. There were many possible reasons for Mrs Hughes sadness, but he never expected that she might be ill and severely ill. His face expressed all his internal feelings. Shock, pain and helplessness. He looked like it was the end of the world. This can't be happening. Elsie couldn't die, he wouldn't be able to take it. She was his whole world. He didn't even realize that tears gathered in the corner of his eyes and his lips started to tremble.
Seeing this, Mrs Patmore's heart softened a bit. She understood that she might have been too sharp for him.
"Mr Carson...I need to apologize...I know that I was very harsh to you, but you have to understand...I'm the only one that knows the truth..She trusted me and I try to help her the best way I could, but I'm getting nowhere. It's not me that she needs. She needs you.."
"That's all right Mrs Patmore...I fully deserved that..Does she? Does she really need me?"
"Of course she does...She loves you and she needs your support and not shouting at her and scolding her.."
"Oh Mrs Patmore I must go to her now, I must tell her..Will she talk with me?"
""I'm sure that she will. You know what kind of warm heart she has.."
"I know..That's what I love her for. Among other things.."
"Please go to her and comfort her..She doesn't need big words or flowery speeches. She only needs a support of the man she loves...And Mr Carson?"
"Yes Mrs Patmore?"
"I might have been a little rude with the things I sad earlier, but there was some truth in it...You ought to rethink your priorities And Lady Mary shouldn't be your number one, because if there is one person in this house that truly loves you, it's definitely not Lady Mary..."
"Thank you Mrs Patmore. I will take that under my consideration."
Charles went to Elsie's sitting room, only to find her flooded with tears and completely devastated. He couldn't take it. In one moment he was near her and he took her in his arms instantly. She was so amazed with it, that she didn't even protested. He held her tightly and he started to kiss her face, to get rid of all her tears. He felt like his heart was filled with enormous love for her and he couldn't hid that anymore.
"Mrs Hughes, Elsie...I'm sorry..I'm so sorry...I should have never shouted at you..I didn't have the right to do that...And in this time when you are going through this hell.."
"Who...Who told you that? It was Beryl, wasn't it? I asked her not to.."
"I'm glad that she did. Otherwise, such a pompous fool like me would have never noticed what was going on with his beloved woman.."
"Beloved?...You..?"
"Yes. I love you. I love you from all my heart Mrs Hughes...Elsie...I have always loved you and now when you are ill..I should have supported you and not.."
"I didn't want you to know.."
"But why?"
"Because I don't want you to treat me as a dying woman. I don't want to appear weak in your eyes.."
"Elsie. You are never weak in my eyes. You are the strongest person that I have ever known...The most beautiful and the most amazing person in the world...Elsie...I love you.."-he continued to shower her face with tender kisses, full of love..He kissed away all of the tears from her eyes and got rid of all the new ones that appeared when she heard this touching confessions...
"Mr Carson...Charles...I love you too...I always have, that's why I didn't want you to know..But today, when you shouted at me, I broke down..I couldn't take it, that's why I told you all of those harsh things...I didn't mean it but..I don't know what to do anymore...How to handle all this..Alone.."
"You are not alone anymore Elsie..Not now. From now on I will be with you..All the time..Through the whole process. I will make sure that you won't have to work. You need to rest. I won't let anybody encumber you with any duties. I will take care of everything. I will be there with you when you will get the results. I will take care of you..."
"Even if I will have cancer? Even if I will die? You will take care of me too?"
"Yes Elsie. No matter what happens, I will be there for you. But you will not die. I promise, you will not die...God knows that I need you too much. He wouldn't take you away from me.."
Elsie nestled into him closely, hearing all those overwhelming words of love from her dearest man...It was like somebody get her out of hell and led her to heaven. Few minutes ago she was sitting here, all alone, not wanting to live and now she was in the arms of the man that she loved so much and who loved her and wanted to take care of her. She felt that whatever her faith will brought her from now on, it won't matter much, because she will be with him. He will be by her side. Taking care of her, protecting her and loving her. That was all that really mattered...
"Charles..."-she sighed.."I'm so very tired...I haven't slept for so many nights..And all this confusion that we went through this evening..I'm so very tired..-She yawned and felt that her eyes are about to close...
"Rest now my love...Relax. I'm here, with you, holding you...Just try to sleep.."
"You will be here all the time?"
"All the time..Just sleep sweetheart...I'm with you..."
Reassured by that, Elsie put her head on his chest, hugging him and his arms tighten around her. He planted few softest kisses to her hair and he watched as she drifted to sleep almost immediately. Rocked gently in his arms, surrounded with the safety of his love...
When Mrs Patmore decided to check the situation few minutes later, concerned with a strange silence that fell, she saw the most emotional picture that she has ever seen. Her dear friend was sleeping soundly in Mr Carson's arms. He was rocking her gently and giving her the most delicate kisses. Mrs Patmore thought that she made the best decision ever, telling Mr Carson the truth and making things the way that should be...
So that was a little sloppy..I know, but that's how it was meant to be...Nothing better than some words of wisdom from Mrs Patmore. I wasn't even intended to give her that much space in the beginning of the story, but I believe that the thing she said to Carson was very wise. I always believed that he should show his affection to Elsie, not to Lady Mary. Anyhow, I hope that you will like this story a little. And if you do, please let me know. As always, sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe and see you soon!