Chapter 5: Bubbling Cauldrons and Memories

Brixton awoke in a cold sweat. She sat up straight in her bed and tried to catch her breath. She had been dreaming of the memories she had seen of Professor Snape's in the Pensive. This wasn't the first time that this had happened, but it was the most vivid. This time it was just as it had been when she had seen the memories with Harry. Reflecting back on that night she was very glad that she had been able to accompany her friend to Dumbledore's office so that he had not had to experience such revelations on his own. She still felt a great deal of sympathy towards Harry having to see his father and his hero, Sirius, painted in such a dark light. She had reassured him that very few people are able to make it to adulthood without some sort of stain on their character, but to be truthful what they had seen had been dreadful.

Tonight however, she was completely focused on her professor and not her friend. It seemed his life had been shaped almost entirely by the cruelty of others. It had begun with his parents and carried on at school by his peers. It was no wonder the man had turned to hexes and curses as some sort of means of controlling those around him. It was not that Brixton wanted to excuse the man entirely for his ill deeds, but she was overcome with feelings of understanding and a desire to comfort him. She thought to herself that this was not really her place and that it was unlikely to find the opportunity. However, she had not expected the events of the day before to unfold the way that they had.

Brixton followed a train of thought about her professor that soon had her heart racing and her palms sweaty. She felt overcome by desire to just hug and comfort the man. Get ahold of yourself, Brixton. If you don't gain some sense of control you are going to lose your chances at the career of your dreams. She scolded herself. After several minutes she still couldn't get the man's face covered in blood and with tears streaking down out of her mind. The Potion Master's near-death experience haunted her on a deep level. So did his memories. The first eleven years of her own life had been filled with such misery and pain she couldn't help but feel as though the pair of them were kindred spirits of sorts.

Despite her best efforts Brixton was unable to go back to sleep so she decided to study for her next Charms lesson under her covers. It was a couple hours later when she heard Luna's dreamy voice next to her, "What are you doing reading so awfully early in the morning?"

"Oh, it's nothing really Luna. I just couldn't sleep." Brixton answered as she uncovered herself and began to get dressed. "Would you like to walk to breakfast together?"

"Of course," smiled Luna.

Luna and Brixton joined the rest of their friends at the Gryffindor table as they had been so far this year. It seemed that no one was going to correct them. Maybe it was because of the war, but it was a small comfort. Brixton tried her best to follow the conversation that was being had by her friends but she couldn't get her thoughts off of Professor Snape and his unfortunate experiences during his time as a student at Hogwarts. She wished that she could just snap out of it, but was having no luck.

"Hello! Brixton, have you heard a word that we have been saying?" It was Hermione's voice that snapped her out of her deep thoughts.

"No, I'm so sorry. I am thinking of today's lesson that Professor Snape has planned for the first years. I want to be prepared or else we all know he will have my head!" she exclaimed, "What did I miss?"

Harry nodded in understanding at just how difficult to deal with Professor Snape was. He smiled over at Neville and said, "Neville was just telling us about some exciting news that he has. Go on, Neville. Tell Brixton what's happened."

Neville blushed slightly in embarrassment and said, "It hasn't amounted to much yet and I don't want to get my hopes up too soon but if everything works out for the both of us we may end up teaching here together. Professor Sprout has approached me and said that she is interested in retiring after this year. As President of the Herbology Club she thought that I might be interested in taking a shot at the job. I can't believe it! Nan would be so proud!"

"Oh, that's lovely Neville! Absolutely wonderful! It would be so great if this time next year we both are sitting at the staff table holding positions in our most favorite subjects." The news absolutely warmed Brixton and she was happy for the distraction from her thoughts. Although she didn't think that Professor Snape would be trying to read her mind she was spending entirely too much time with him every day to not be at least a little concerned about it.

Shortly after this, Brixton excused herself from the table so that she could get to the dungeon in time to prepare for the day's lesson. When she made it to the classroom she found that Professor Snape was nowhere to be found. So she took a book from her bag and placed it at the podium in the front of the room. She turned it towards the front and found the page for the Alihotsy Draught. It was a short and simple list of ingredients so it didn't take long for Brixton to use her key to the storeroom to gather them and disperse the ingredients throughout the students' worktables. After she was finished she sat at her desk opposite Professor Snape's.

After about fifteen minutes students began trickling in. Brixton chewed her lip in concern for her professor. This particular potion would be a breeze for even the least engaged student so she wasn't at all worried about teaching the class. What bothered her was that it was completely out of character for him to not show up to class. It was especially out of the ordinary because it was without warning.

When all of the first years had settled into their seats Brixton rose from her own. She made her way to the podium and smiled at the class. "Today we will be brewing the Alihotsy Draught. This is a much easier potion than the ones that we have been working on. However, that does not mean that you can slack off on this. We will be sampling these potions when we are finished as this is a quick thirty-minute brew. If you do not follow the instructions correctly the result will be mild but embarrassing upset stomachs." The class quietly giggled and several students looked over their shoulders as if a certain dark cloaked professor would pop out at any moment. Brixton laughed with the class.

"Now, the first step is to muddle the alihotsy leaves before adding them to your dry cauldron." Brixton waved her wand at the chalkboard to her left and a piece of chalk began writing the directions for her. She walked the students through the steps and was pleased to see that not a single student was having any trouble at their cauldrons. When the last step of the instructions had been written and the chalk had settled into its place Brixton left the podium to walk her way through the student's tables. She observed the students and corrected a redheaded girl on her stirring method. That was the only thing of note that she had to correct. Pride swelled in Brixton's chest as she watched her students' potions boil rapidly and produce blue fumes as the liquid slowly turned the same hue.

"Alright everyone, cut your flames off and draw up a sample to cool while you clean up your stations. You will also collect a small jar for Professor Snape to evaluate. You may leave the jars at your table labeled with its name as well as your own." she told the class. The first years did as they were told and soon everyone was awaiting Brixton's instructions. She continued, "Carefully touch your sample to be sure that it is cool. When you have done this you can then give it a try."

One by one the students erupted into hysterical laughter. Every one of them had gotten the potion right and they were thoroughly enjoying the feeling of the potion as it made them all laugh. A wide smile was plastered on Brixton's face. She really wished that Professor Snape had been there to see for himself how well she and the class had done. She checked the time and then instructed the students to begin starting on three feet of parchment on the potion and its effects that would be due by the end of the week.

After a while it was time for class to end and she excused the first years. Brixton needed to be heading to Hagrid's cabin. He had asked for her assistance with a first year class of his own after hearing of her interest in becoming a professor at Hogwarts. She thought that it was very sweet and supportive of him and she was looking forward to it. She didn't have Double Advanced Potions today as that was every day except Wednesdays so it was perfectly timed for her to help Hagrid. Before leaving she left a small note on Professor Snape's desk that read:

"Professor Snape,

I hope that you are feeling well. I assumed that you would want class to go as planned so I took the liberty of teaching in your absence. Everything went very well and there are samples at the student's stations for you to inspect if you wish. I also allowed the students to sample the draught and that was a big hit. They will have three feet to you in two days. I will be back for our usual end of day lesson.

Brixton Winchester"

It was not the most formal of letters but she felt that given the circumstances it would do fine. She quickly packed up her things and headed to Hagrid's.

Evening came quickly and Brixton found herself finding her way back to the dungeons. She was tired and sore from a long and physical day. She hadn't expected so much exertion in Hagrid's class. She had enjoyed helping, but it was much more exercise than she was accustomed to. She didn't even like flying on a broom and avoided it as much as possible.

When she made it to the Potions classroom she was happy to see Professor Snape sitting at his desk writing. "Good evening, Professor" she greeted him. He looked up and lifted his hand in a small wave of greeting. Brixton sat her things down at her desk before walking over to his.

"Good evening, Miss Winchester." He smiled. "I apologize for being absent this morning. I was feeling very ill as a side effect from Nagini's attack and felt it best to go to the hospital wing. It seems even after a year I'm still recovering. I am glad to see that everything went well for you in class."

She smiled back and said, "Yes, it went very well. I wish you could have seen it. Are you feeling well enough? We could just cancel our lesson if you need to rest."

"Thank you, but I'm feeling much better. I would like it if we could have our lesson as usual. It would be a welcome distraction from this morning," he replied.

Brixton internally laughed at the chances of them both needing a distraction from their mornings. She asked her professor, "What do you have planned for this evening?"

"Something new," he answered, "I am going to have you brew three potions at once and see how you manage. This is more of a test of your ability to brew for the school multiple potions at a moment's notice. The need for this happens much more often than one would presume."

Brixton grinned at the challenge and asked which potions she would be brewing. He answered, "The Anti-Paralysis Potion, Dragon Dung Fertilizer, and the Calming Draught."

"Excellent. Where should I start?" she asked.

Brixton couldn't help but think that Professor Snape's voice was particularly silky as he asked her "What do you think would be the best way to proceed?" and it made her blush a little as she looked down at her feet.

After thinking for a moment she asked, "If you allowed me to I would take note of key steps on the chalkboard so that I might better know when to switch from one potion to the next. Then I think I should make a list of all the ingredients and gather them. I would keep each potion and all of their ingredients at separate stations so as not to cross-contaminate. Then I would get started."

Impressed Severus said, "Very well. You may use the chalkboard. Use the front three stations. I will sit nearby to observe."

First she copied onto a piece of paper the ingredients of Dragon Dung Fertilizer. She had made it many times over the years as Professor Sprout found the need and Professor Snape had his best students assist in filling the orders. She made her notes on the chalkboard of the most time sensitive steps before moving onto the next potion. She opened a book and turned it to the second potion. She copied the ingredients and the key steps and then set the book down at the middle front station. Brixton had decided that she would do the fertilizer the furthest from the chalkboard as it was the one she knew by heart. She turned to the last station which she had saved for the Calming Draught. She had only made it once in her fourth year class and had never made it since so she wanted to make sure that it was the closest to the chalk board as that's where she planned to spend most of her time physically during this test of her skills. She copied ingredients and key steps then set the book down at the station as she had done for the Anti-Paralysis Potion.

Severus had crossed the classroom to take a seat at the middle station of the second row. Brixton turned and nodded at him as she excused herself to the storeroom pulling her necklace out from under her shirt. She grabbed a small basket from a shelf near the storeroom door and got to work. She pulled her ingredients down alphabetically and had to make three trips before she had all the ingredients spread out across the three work stations.

Brixton moved as fast as she could without compromising the quality of her work. She was very focused and had been working for several minutes before she heard Professor Snape's voice. "Miss Winchester may I talk to you about something deeply personal that I would prefer not be repeated to anyone else?"

Really? Now? She asked herself and took a deep breath. "Of course, Professor." She replied as she separated some lavender flowers from the stem.

"Thank you," he said from his seat. "I know that you and Harry looked at my memories together. I learned this at my trial, of course. Seeing as how you are obviously his friend you know that he has been trying to have a conversation about what the two of you saw."

Brixton's heart felt like she had Cornish pixies flying around in her stomach. She was shocked that he would want to talk about that especially when she was so engrossed in such a delicate task. "Yes, I know that he has wanted to talk to you. He is trying to be patient but it has kind of been the elephant in the room, hasn't it?"

"The what?" he asked her obviously perplexed.

"Oh, sorry. That's a phrase I picked up when I was young from some American cousins of mine that came to visit when I was young and it just stuck. What I mean to say is that it's the obvious and awkward thing that everyone in the room knows but no one wants to talk about." She continued to work on the potions in front of her. She had all three cauldrons with large spoons stirring at this point. Brixton made her way over to the fertilizer and tossed in the rat spleens before moving onto the next step.

She was surprised to hear him chuckle a little before saying, "I see. Well, you are more of a neutral party to the situation. I realize that he is your friend but he had been no fan of mine over the years and with good reason. It was very generous of him to go to such lengths to clear my name after what the two of you saw. I don't expect Potter to have much bad to say to me, but I don't really want to discuss my most private memories with him. I'm struggling at the thought of the conversation to be quite plain."

Brixton could feel her professor's eyes on her as she turned from the middle cauldron to face him for just a moment. She gave a soft smile and said, "I know the two of you have been continuously at odds over the years, but Harry now sees all the things that you have done for him over the years. He still hasn't stopped talking about how you must have deceived Bellatrix Lestrange with that fake of the sword of Gryffindor and used your patronus to help him find the real one. I know that he really wants to thank you for the Occulmency lessons. He says he was never appreciative at the time of the fact that you were pushing him so hard for his own good. He thought you were just trying to torture him."

This earned another chuckle from Severus. He was surprised at his own ability to keep up a good mood given the conversation. He was enjoying watching the young witch work. She was a true natural. Finally he said, "Perhaps that is because in addition to Occulmency lessons being torturous I didn't make them easy on him. Did you know that he pushed back against me and saw one of my most embarrassing memories during our final lesson?"

Brixton's eyebrows rose in surprise. She was watching the Calming Draught she was brewing turn the perfect shade of blue as she added the final ingredient. All that it needed to be complete was to continue stirring while she turned the flame beneath the cauldron down to a simmer. She then answered her professor, "No, I did not know that. Harry has not talked about those lessons. I believe that they must have been equally embarrassing for him as well."

"You're very sharp, Miss Winchester. I'm most positive that they were. The memory that he was able to see was a partial of one of the ones that I shared believing that I was going to die. It was one where his father and his friends were outright bullying me as was not unusual and Harry's mother stopped them. To my knowledge Harry hasn't really discussed the reasons why I have done the things I have done in my life. At the trial he kept it to the facts of what I did and did not do and that Dumbledore had instructed me to end his life and other things of that nature. It seems obvious to him that I don't want my love of his mother to be as famous as the Boy Who Lived. It's humiliating in some ways. To have been so drawn to the dark arts and yet the only reason that I changed sides was for the love of a woman I had wronged and who never loved me back." He was finding it difficult to speak so plainly about these things but his demeanor did not give him away. Severus cleared his throat before continuing. "I am thankful beyond words for this kindness and understanding. Yet I still don't know how to have a civil, never mind emotional, conversation with the son of a man who has caused me so much pain in my life. As his friend and the only other person to see those memories I thought that you might have some insight."

The witch thought about this for a moment as she was happy to see that her fertilizer had turned a perfect neon green color. Everything was going exactly as intended. She faced her professor once more and said, "I think that one of the things that would help you most with talking to Harry would be going further back. Perhaps it would help to talk to Remus Lupin. I know that he was Harry's dad's friend and presumably part of the mistreatment you suffered during your time as a student here. It might be possible that the two of you could speak as grown men on the subject and you might be able to get some sort of closure. After all, he would be the best person to talk to you about what happened between you and both of Harry's parents. At least the parts you are willing to discuss. I know that he has defended you to Harry in the past when he questioned your loyalties. There may be more common ground between the two of you than you think. If that conversation can help you in any way it might make it easier to talk to Harry."

Severus watched from his seat as Brixton jumped up and down a few times. She turned with a giant smile on her face. "I'm sorry, Professor, but look! All three potions seem to have turned out perfectly! After they cool the potions should all be ready to bottle up." She made her way to each station and turned the burners off.

"I shouldn't be surprised that you executed this task so effortlessly. You really are going to do a wonderful job taking my place. I will be happy to have your help fulfilling the school's need for potions as the year goes on." Severus smiled at her. "In regards to your suggestion it seems you are taking a page from Professor Dumbledore's book."

"What do you mean, Professor?" she asked, clearly confused.

"Oh, just that when I asked his portrait the same question he gave me a stunningly similar response. It seems you are wise beyond your years." As Severus continued talking with Brixton it felt easier and easier to just be open with her.

Brixton smiled a little flattered that she and Dumbledore's portrait had had the same advice. She looked her professor in the eye and asked, "So why did we have to have such an intense and surprising conversation while I was completing your most difficult lesson to date?"

Severus' cheeks turned a slightly rosy color. "I confess that I simply wanted you distracted so we wouldn't have to have such an 'intense conversation' face to face. Those things are difficult for me to talk about. However, it doubled as a good test of your skills while distracted." He smiled at her.

"Wow, well thanks for the challenge. Also, thank you for confidence in such an intimate conversation. I promise not to betray that confidence. "

Severus helped Brixton bottle up the three potions in their various vessels. They worked in a comfortable silence until everything was cleaned up and in its rightful place. As they said their goodbyes he noticed that she walked over to his desk for seemingly no reason before rushing out the door. He crossed the room to find a small black box with a note attached to it. He opened the note first. It read:

"Professor Snape,

I saw this over the summer in a small shop. I immediately thought of you. I had intended to send it to you as a gift while you were at St. Mungo's but that just didn't feel quite right. So instead I have been saving it for just the right moment. I don't think you should be embarrassed of your love for Harry's mother or that it wasn't returned in the same way as you would have liked. From what I saw of your memories I personally believe that she would be thankful to you for everything you have done and been proud to see you turn against the dark arts. I hope you keep this as a reminder that you honored your love of her and that she shouldn't be forgotten. Forgive me if this is too forward, but it's my way of addressing the 'elephant in the room'.

Brixton Winchester"

Severus gently lifted the lid of the small black box. Inside he found a beautiful little glass lily. He was deeply moved. This was probably the most thoughtful and sweet thing that anyone had ever done for him. His heart fluttered as his fondness for the brilliant green-eyed witch from Ravenclaw seemed to be growing by the minute.

Author's Note: Thank you so very much everyone who has read this far, favorited, followed, or written a review. It means SO much to me. This is my first time writing in a little over 10 years. Writing used to be my passion, but a long-term abusive relationship stole my muse so to speak. Thankfully I've been with my husband for 6 years now and while I am still recovering in some ways I finally found my writer's voice again. All the support means the world to me. Since you have made it this far please consider leaving a review to let me know what you think. Reviews are like fuel to me (good or bad) and help keep me motivated. I have so much planned for this story and really hope you are enjoying it. Thanks again!