Draco did as he was told. He didn't reach out, he stayed away from the Ministry as much as he could, made poor excuses for not coming to Bill's for parties or any other gatherings in fear she'd be there. He found it hard to focus on anything other than his work, taking every assignment available to him, just to avoid his life at home.

His behavior became too obvious to not comment on, so Bill pestered him when he could, joking about his aura and how the wedding planning must be keeping him up late. Draco made small comments, only providing what little info he could and covering everything else up with lies.

Astoria didn't speak on his sulking behavior, only mentioning how inattentive he had been the last couple weeks. During one of their dinners, before Astoria returned home— since she insisted on living at home until their marriage— Draco finally felt his thread break.

"I understand being busy with work and maybe having wedding jitters, but Draco, you act as if I'm some burden." She admitted and Draco finally glanced at her, realizing that yet again he has unintentionally made someone feel bad because of his own personal issues. His chest tightened and he reached across the table for her hand.

"I'm sorry. I've been distracted lately. You're nothing but a remarkable person and lover." He brought her hand to kiss and she smiled sweetly. Draco stared at the mark that he just kissed, cowardly refusing to meet her expression as he spoke his next words.

"But…we-we can't get married." He swallowed, taking a second to look up at her. Astoria's smile slipped off her face, slowly pulling her hand out of his grasp. Draco's heart clenched and he shut his eyes.

"Draco…what are you talking about?" She asked in disbelief. He leaned back in his chair, and folded his hands in his lap. Preparing to break someone else's heart had his hands shaking.

"I haven't been honest to you. Someone else had my heart before we met and I never got over them. I—I can't move forward with you in a faithful relationship when I still feel this way about her."

He explained, vocalizing for the first time his true feelings about Hermione to his fiancé. Not how he planned any of this to go but there was nothing to hold in anymore. Astoria was painfully quiet and when he looked up, it appeared as if her face was turning red from her holding in a breath.

"Draco... we've...we've been together for, for almost two years." She breathed hard, facing contorting in anger as her voice grew. "Two bloody years! We are getting married in less than two months! Why are you now just telling me this? What the hell is wrong with you!?" She cried, angry tears springing to her eyes as she yelled at him. His heart sank further.

"I know Astoria I'm so sorry—

"What was the fucking point then? Why didn't you just end things early in our relationship?" She yelled and Draco refrained from flinching when she hastily stood, tipping over her chair, the sound echoing in the dining room.

"I thought it would pass, because I did love you. But I-I" He sighed, not prepared for the onslaught of guilt that hit him while he began to verbalize his sins. "I didn't think this was going to happen, nor did I ever intend to hurt you Astoria, please."

"Who is she?" She crossed her arms and Draco felt his mouth dry.

"I can't say." He said and Astoria scoffed and threw her hands up.

"You're leaving me for someone else and you can't even tell me the bitch's name?" She gaped and Draco furrowed his eyebrows, knowing he should just let her take all her emotions out on him.

"I'm not—she…she doesn't want me. I'm doing this because you deserve more Astoria and be in a happy and loving marriage. And I don't think I'm the one that can give that." He sadly explained.

"Is this really what you want? Am I so…so unlovable?" She sobbed and Draco rose from his chair, stepping to console her but she stepped back. "Don't. How could you do this Draco?"

He gulped, feeling utterly hopeless with nothing to say that would remedy the painful situation.

"I'm so sorry Astoria. I fucked up and I never meant for this to happen, truthfully. I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry, I'm so profoundly sorry." Draco felt his own eyes well up.

He honestly did love Astoria, and when he proposed, he thought they would have a decent marriage. They had decent conversations, adequate sex, but Draco still never felt the fire in his stomach when he saw her, he was always just content with her being around especially when he thought Hermione was still engaged. His hands were tied and thinking his own feelings for the witch died was ignorant when the best part of his weeks were getting those dinners.

Looking at his former fiancé now, Draco knew he deserved nothing. He didn't deserve the friendship of Hermione or the love of Astoria. He was a bloody coward who fell in love with someone spoken for and in retaliation, tried to find someone to replace the ache in his chest when it didn't go his way. It was childish to think he would get anything he wanted, he never did anyways.

Once Astoria had finished yelling at him and left, his mother came over later that evening, trying to understand why in Draco's right mind would he do such a thing so close to their wedding date. Their families met a few days later, discussing the end of their engagement and deciding it would be best to tell their guests the wedding is 'pushed off' again for 'health concerns' of Astoria. Draco had to refrain from rolling his eyes, it's not like many people cared he was getting married anyways and he rather rip the band aid off now and deal with it..

By the time anyone found out they had ended their relationship, life was moving quietly for Draco. He spent his time diligently working, though he requested far more things to do in office rather than be out in the field, in fear that his unfocused attention would lead to an accident.

People didn't pry about the reasons why Draco ended things, but he did confide in Bill one evening while working late and explained his feelings for someone else. Shocked by the news, Bill didn't ask the name of the other witch, instead he simply asked if Draco was going to pursue her.

"She hates me. Can't blame her. I don't think she would even allow my attempts to remake acquaintances with her." He sulked and Bill gave him a curious look.

"You haven't even apologized yet. Try that first. I think if you're persistent and remain respectful of her boundaries, you may change her mind." He said and Draco swallowed.

"She told me not to reach out."

"Doesn't matter. You still owe her an apology and I can guarantee you she's still waiting for one." Bill instated and Draco felt his stomach bubble with uncertainty, He didn't have the gall right now to try and see her.

"Even after almost two months?"

"Yes. It shows you thought about what transpired, gave time to sort yourself and let her be as well. There's no harm in trying, yeah?" Bill said, going over new requests. Draco chewed on his cheek, deciding he was right but still not knowing when or how to even reach out to her appropriately.

The opportunity was thrown at him when Bill came in frantically the next day. Speaking so fast Malfoy had no other options but to face his fear.

"Thank Merlin you're here! Victoire and Dominique are both sick and Fleur has a major meeting today and I need to run these reports to the Ministry. One goes to the Minister's office, one goes to the undersecretary, one goes—they're labeled, you'll be fine, thanks mate!" He scrambled with the files before handing them off to Draco with a shook up expression.

"But I—" Draco tried but Bill was out the door, and so his shoulders slouched and body leaned forward. He grumbled under his breath while looking over the folders, the stack of them going to almost every head in the Minister's office as well as necessary departments.

He held his breath when he saw the middle file, ' Director H. Granger' written across it. Looking straight ahead at nothing in particular, Draco wondered if it would be out of line for him to try and find her. It had been….months since he's last seen her. Maybe he could apologize and have an amicable conversation, she deserved at least that.

He delivered the reports, saving the DMLE's Director's office for last. Approaching the office lobby, he greeted her secretary.

"Hello, I'm dropping these reports off for Director Granger, is she in?" He asked, the loud thud of his heart beat in his eardrums making it hard for him to focus.

"Just missed her. Took her lunch about five minutes ago but I'll hand these off to her. Anything I need to know?" The secretary smiled and outstretched his hand to receive the files. His stomach muscles twisted together and he battled with himself on whether it was smart to take a visit up to the third floor.

"No, just standard. Have a good day." Draco turned on his heel, passing briefly between the lifts and trying to find the confidence to make a decision.

Just go. There's no harm in just seeing if she's actually there. She could have taken her lunch elsewhere as well. 'You will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the ones you did do.' Mark Twain, a novelist Draco didn't particularly care for but he did have that line to help him right now.

He took the lifts down to the main floor then walked to the desolate hallway. With each step upwards, he felt his heart sink lower and lower and until it felt like it was stuck in his stomach. There was no reason to be hopeful, not when he had done everything wrong. He knew their paths would cross eventually and he'd be prepared for the cold looks and blatant disregard, he'd accept it willingly, without fault.

His footsteps were almost non-existent despite how heavy his body felt. Normally, he'd rush up these stairs, purposely making as much noises as possible so Granger would be aware of his presence. But now, he was scared to make any noise, feeling that if he did, it would ruin the preserved memories he fondly thought of from time to time.

Picking his head up during the last staircase, Draco's entire body froze. Hermione sat against the wall, body propped up on the ledge of the window. There was a bright light on her face from the sun, a book perched on her lap and stray fly away hairs looking like a golden, messy nest around her head. His heart beat fell out of rhythm and he rolled his lips into his mouth while he just stood and stared.

Hermione was halfway through her novel, enjoying her very unlikely quiet day and lunch with her window seat to the beautiful summer day. It was rare when she wasn't overly needed, and though she rather liked having a heavy plate to keep her mind always working, the slowness of today was much needed.

She flipped her page, then quickly casted a tempus, noting she had at least another twenty minutes to herself before her afternoon meetings picked up. Catching movement from the corner of her eye, Hermione turned her head, doing a partial double take as she took in the figure standing at the top stair, one arm still grasping the railing.

Her expression morphed from shock to disdain rather quickly and her nostrils flared as she spoke back into her book.

"I am on lunch for the next twenty minutes. If you need me you can try and schedule a meeting with my assistant." She ignored him and Draco took a steadying breath to grow his confidence to have this conversation with her.

"I was hoping I'd find you here to talk with you…personally." He said and took a measured step to her.

"I'd rather you not." She spat, eyes rereading the same lines in her book and not comprehending any words.

"Granger I think we need to." He tried.

"No we don't" She stubbornly said.

"Please?"

"No."

"If I could just explain—"

"Malfoy." She started, shutting her book and sitting up. She swung her legs forward, her body directly facing him. Her eyes were alight with total annoyance and slight affliction. "We have nothing to discuss. I don't want to talk to you so please leave."

"Well I need to talk to you. I need to say this, in person, at least once." Draco said urgently, taking a few more steps towards her but found himself paralyzed when her eyes skirted down to his feet then back up to him. His lips pressed together in a tight line and he sighed. "There aren't enough words to describe my regret, or my sorrow. I'm so sorry. I put you in an impossible position and compromised our friendship. The hurt and betrayal I saw on your face replays in my mind and it stabs me in the chest."

Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes, Draco pushed on regardless, his voice shaking.

"I'm sorry. If I could go back and change everything I would, but I can't. I'm here to tell you that I haven't stopped thinking about you or how much I just wanted to make things right. I can hardly sleep, I'm unfocused, Hermione I loathe myself for making you feel that way. I never did it intentionally."

"Then why would you do that to me? To Astoria?" She demanded, her voice a disbelieving gasp as she furiously kept her mouth shut for most of his apology. Hermione didn't want to open this wound, not when she was doing so well to keep it closed. But she couldn't help herself and want to hear what he had to say.

"I-I," He sighed and looked down, shame filling him. "I wasn't thinking of Astoria. I know how that sounds and that makes me disloyal, unfaithful and a right git. But that's the truth. I wasn't thinking of her at that moment, just you."

"That's selfish." She replied venomously.

Draco swallowed his tongue, feeling defeated. "I know. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to you. And I'm sorry. I understand how wrong I am and I promise I am not my actions. "

"How can you expect me to believe you're a noble person? One with virtue and ethics after everything? How could any of this make me believe that you're capable of being a trustworthy person or friend." She grew louder and louder, not caring anymore if she appeared dramatic.

Draco was quiet, seemingly thinking about his next move and whether it be smart or totally idiotic. He looked at her brown eyes, somehow it was her most noticeable feature. Not her intelligence, not her wild, curly hair, not her loud and intimidating work ethic, but her eyes. Maybe because every time he looked into them, he felt hopeful.

"You were right when you said I knew exactly what I was doing." At the announcement, Hermione could feel her chest shatter for the thousandth time. It was one thing to make educated guesses about the way someone treated you so poorly, it was another to have the person confirm them.

"I had a sense of your feelings and once I knew, I kept pushing and pushing until I got what I craved because you are what I crave. Admittedly extremely selfish, I don't regret our time. I might have pushed but you pulled too, and I took everything I could get. I knew you better and I'm thankful for it." He stated with strong will.

Hermione glared at him, not even letting up despite the soft words at the end of his explanation. "You're despicable." She bit out.

"Maybe. But I'm being honest with you, just as I was with Astoria." He tried but thought he did something wrong when she saw her anger shift to a concoction of worry and sadness.

"You…you told Astoria?" She softly asked, her arms uncrossing and limply falling down. Her whole posture depressing.

"Of course, she deserved to know." He said unconcerned, a bit confused as to why she looked so depleted.

"And, you gave her my name?" She picked at the skin around her nail.

"No. I-I just mentioned that I loved someone long ago and never got over it and it was the reason why I couldn't marry her."

Hermione blinked, looking as if someone had casted a confundus. Her brows twitched as she tried to comprehend his sentence and rack her brain for any information regarding whether he was telling the truth or not. She wasn't sure which aspect of his admission was the most shocking though.

"You…what?"

"Astoria and I didn't marry." He said confused, thinking she had known this whole time. "I broke it off about two weeks or so after…well after everything. Though it only made news last week. Did you not know?" He questioned, unsure of what revealing this information would do for their conversation.

"No, I've been in and out of the country these past six weeks. Meeting with other DMLE heads and leaders regarding next year's UMC." She said, lost in a trance.

"Oh…" He replied.

Most situations, Hermione knew what to say, even if it was uncomfortable, tense or downright depressing. The look on Draco's face told her he also wasn't sure of what to do next. Their communication was nonexistent since that night in the hospital, the only thing left between them was everything they didn't get out of their system; all the hurtful things she could say to insult him, the apologies he repeated in his head until they sounded as perfect as they could get, the confessions of how the other meant to them, but now, there was nothing more to be said.

Draco took a slow and deliberate inhale through his nose, preparing himself to walk away and forced to leave her behind.

"Hermione, I understand if you never think of me as anyone more than an untrustworthy and hurtful person. What I did was inexcusable, horribly selfish and it's nothing I take pride in. But you must know that you are the only person in this world I could ever love. You took up the space in my head as frequently as my lungs searched for oxygen. I don't regret what I did, only the consequences it brought. 'Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.'"

Draco said, eyes pleading with an intensity that made Hermione almost uncomfortable. She had to look away and take a calming breath. Her palms were sweaty and cheeks were burning with emotion. He said twice now that he loved her, the words so easily off his lips that it made her stomach roll straight onto the ground.

"I've said all I wanted and needed to. I don't expect you to…well honestly I don't expect anything from you at this point. You've listened to me and that's more than I could have asked for, so thank you." Draco said, holding her eye contact for as long as possible before excusing himself away.

He turned his back, walking towards the steps and hearing her feet thud against the ground as she hopped down from the ledge. His shoulders tensed but he didn't stop, any look behind him would appear arrogant, like he was expecting her to follow him.

She didn't. Hermione hopped down from the ledge, and took a few steps but stopped herself. It would take her time to digest his words. He had said almost everything she hoped to hear, found out he was at least somewhat decent enough to tell his fiancé what happened and had the decency to break things off instead of leading her on.

Hermione was lost now, there was no clear direction of how she should move forward with him if at all. She was thankful for the time outside of the U.K., letting her anger sift away as she focused on the needs of the UMC. It was absolutely bothersome that even in the past two months, she thought about him so much more than previously. Obviously more negatively, but she'd be lying if she said he didn't cross her mind at least once a day.

She replayed his apology over and over, wishing she had a pensieve just so she could hear exactly what he said. In moments like these, where she was absolutely torn between what her heart wanted and what her stubborn mind was telling her, she simply just decided that the answer would come to her. Maybe it would have been easier to flip a coin, something she did not entirely rule out, but she knew her decision would ultimately change the course of her life and she absolutely hated that it came to that.

The Ministry's 300th Year Anniversary Celebration was the largest she's ever seen. The atrium was packed to the brim, hundreds of people talking, causing a loud white noise to fill in her ears as she found her friends.

"My god this is madness." She laughed as Bill kissed her cheek.

"An estimated seven hundred people are here tonight. This bloody thing will go on forever." He told her and she laughed, hugging Fleur.

"Thank gods tomorrow is Saturday, I don't know if I could come in after an event like this." Hermione commented.

"Right. I can see why Malfoy didn't want to come tonight, this is excessive." Bill mentioned off handedly, gesturing to the room. Hermione's eyes momentarily widened, a rush of warmth twisted in her stomach.

"Oh Malfoy's not coming?" Hermione tried to ask as unaffected as she could. Bill nodded, sipping on his water.

"Yeah. He's watching the kids for us actually. I think he'll be more exhausted when he gets home than we will be." Bill joked and Fleur agreed.

"Yes he said something about thinking it'd be too crowded tonight, especially by the windows. Whatever that means." Fleur explained, her heavy accent mixing funnily with the statement. Hermione felt her stomach drop and realized that she didn't have to make the decision, Malfoy had already made it for her.

He said his apologies and accepted that she was icing him out. Her heart fell a bit, faced with a different issue that she wasn't sure she should even act on. Malfoy was trying to move on and now, she guessed, she better as well. Maybe down the line they could reconnect as friends, when everything hurt less and it didn't feel like a punch to her chest whenever his name was brought up.

"That's nice of him to look after the kids." Hermione offered, hoping to appear genuine.

"He's been spending a lot more time over on the weekends with us, I think he's still stung by his engagement debacle. Victoire is so sweet and has been giving him the most colorful drawings. Saying he looks 'too blue.'"

They laughed and Hermione forced a chuckle between her lips. Excusing herself away as the event was beginning, her mood was depleted and the cheeriness didn't feel comforting. After mingling and networking for an appropriate amount of time, she decided to move away from the crowd and escape to her 'crowded' window.

Why did he have to say that? It made her feel like this was somehow her fault even though none of it was. Did he simply mean he wanted to continue giving her space or just completely leave her alone. Why couldn't she decide what she wanted? Why couldn't she just bring herself to actually talk about this with him? Her heart was aching for him and she wanted badly to sit up here with him and talk for hours while he stroked her hand and listened with bright eyes.

Approaching the third floor, Hermione lifted her head, finding a peculiar looking paper on the sill.

Blood flooded to her ears as she walked forward, her heart jumped with excitement and her lungs held themselves still until she read what it was. Picking up the paper, she opened the card, eyes almost welling at the familiar black script.

'Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.' — Immanuel Kant

I'm not sold on his argument considering I have all three and remain unhappy. I have something to do, between work, self-loathing and also becoming a part time babysitter for the Weasley's, my time is rather occupied constantly.

The next two are tricky. There is someone I love, but they're not mine. I believe I've abused their trust beyond repair and if that's the case, then I know they will never have me as their partner. I only wish they one day find someone to be vulnerable with, because the purity of their heart and love is something magnificent that everyone should see, even if I'm no longer on the receiving end of it.

Finally, I have many things to hope for. I hope that Victoire one day calls me Uncle Draco, I hope my mother will stop asking my opinion of furniture swatches for her redecoration plans and I hope that I will get to take vacation soon and visit the places I've read about in muggle stories. Most importantly, I hope for your forgiveness. I know I will have to continue on with my life should I never receive it, and I agree that it would be justified if you decide to never forgive me, but I'm trying to follow Kant's advice and remain hopeful regardless.

Hurting you has caused me the greatest pain I've known. I used to pride myself on the ability to make you smile and I've ruefully tainted those memories by making you frown. There are moments where I feel compelled to badger you with more apologies and other moments where I feel it's best to leave you alone completely until we find ourselves strangers again. I'm lost and I don't know what to do other than to let you decide. I can't get you out of my mind, and I fear if I don't directly hear your rejection now, I'll spend my time foolishly hoping for something intangible.

Whatever you want in this life, from me, I'll remain respectful and hope that it brings you happiness.

-Draco

Hermione sniffed, groaning out loud as she hastily wiped her tears away and read his letter again. Her hands were shaking, chest painfully aching as she cried at his words.

Fucking god dammit. She missed him so much.

She sat against the window, totally abandoning the party below her. Her mind was flying a mile a minute as she contemplated responding to him. She didn't know if she could say goodbye to Malfoy forever, especially after years of getting to know him, the real him that didn't seem a distance away or appeared to be the shining model, reformed citizen. He was someone she knew rather well, someone with life and humanity and a surprising sense of humor. He wedged his way into her life unexpectedly and now she thinks he may be stuck.

She waited until Bill and Fleur left, flooing home and pacing around her living room until she knew what she wanted to say. Her heart was in her throat, but she conjured a quill and parchment, shaky handwriting permanently marking the paper.

Draco had just changed out of his clothes and into pajamas when her familiar owl rapped at his window. His heart jumped out of his chest, tripping over himself as he sprinted to retrieve the letter in its beak. He ripped the seal open but took a second to calm himself down, ultimately preparing himself for elation to be crushed with a few lines.

Opening his eyes, his twitching hands removed her letter, mouth going round with happiness as he read her words. His heart rattled, swelling with glee.

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." – Peter Ustinov

I think Kant has the right idea. Remain hopeful.

-Hermione

A/N: sO...This was going to be the last chapter..no epilogue. I love ambiguous endings, open for possibilities to the readers, BUT i've had an epilogue like chapter/scene that i wanted to be included so this is not the end!

I hope this has made up for some of the angst and i appreciate all the support for this story so far. Please like and share if you can.

Follow me on tik tok for story memes, sneak peaks and time updates for other stories too. Username is rubykrishnax. love you all so much.