Chapter 14: Spring Brewing
Several weeks had passed by uneventfully. Severus was begrudgingly eating more and looking healthier as a result. Brixton was still thoroughly enjoying her Potions lessons and had taken over teaching the first years all together. She was even getting to teach some of the seventh year Advanced classes, much to her delight. She and Severus had somehow managed to find a very comfortable comradery despite the obvious romantic tension between the two of them. Although she longed for more, for the first time in a very long time, life felt good to Brixton. She was looking forward to the summer when she would be able to officially apply for the potions position and hopefully get the classroom and office to her liking.
Brixton, Hermione, and Luna were sprawled out on the thawed grass of the courtyard. "I really wish you could come to Hogsmead with us, Brixton," Hermione said sadly.
"Me too, it sounds wonderful. Maybe we can meet there next year when I'm teaching. You could make a weekend trip of it. You are still planning on working for the Ministry, aren't you?" Brixton asked.
"Yes, I'm very much looking forward to it. I think a great many changes need to be made to put that place into order," said Hermione.
"And you are just the one for the job," smiled Luna airily, "I've decided that I am going to take off at least a year to study magical wildlife while I decide what I want to do for work. If I'm lucky maybe I can write my own book like Mister Scamander."
"That sounds lovely, Luna," replied Brixton. "You will have to visit too."
"I can't imagine you down in those dark dungeons, Brixton. Don't grow all gloomy on us like another potioneer we know," Hermione teased. It had taken some time, but she had finally accepted the fact that Brixton's feelings for Professor Snape were not going to change.
"Oh, I don't intend for the classroom or my future office to be so dark when I am through with them," she replied, "I've been talking to Professor Flitwick about window charms. Apparently, we can create windows that view real places and let light in. I plan on having windows of the Forbidden Forest where my favorite thestrals live, at least in the office."
"Oh, because that's not dark at all," muttered Hermione sarcastically.
"You would like them if you just gave them a chance," protested Brixton.
Before long it was time for Luna and Hermione to join the rest of the seventh years and head out for Hogsmead. Brixton waved them off before heading to the dungeons. She really hoped that Severus would let her help with brewing something. Hogsmead days were often hard on her with all of her friends gone.
Severus smiled when Brixton made her way into the classroom. "Hi," she said softly, "I know you have a double free period with the other seventh years off to Hogsmead. I was hoping we could brew something. Is Madame Pomfrey in need of anything?"
"Actually, no. However, you have impeccable timing. The school is in need of Doxycide. It appears that the third floor of Gryffindor Tower is heavily infested. Why don't you gather the ingredients while I set up two cauldrons?" he suggested.
Happily, Brixton used her key to open the store room and gathered everything that was needed. Afterwards she joined Severus in his private brewing room where he had set up two cauldrons. They typically used the classroom, but as it was the middle of the day the brewing room was more convenient. It was a long room that was not very wide; there were tables along both sides of the rooms that held cauldrons that were in various stages of brewing an assortment of potions. On the walls were some diagrams of various ingredients, shelves that held commonly used ingredients, and in the center of both walls was a Slytherin tapestry. They were in close quarters working together, but that didn't bother Brixton at all.
Once she sat the ingredients she had gathered down, she began the prep work of grinding the shreeler shells in a pestle. She poured half of the ground shells into a small bowl and set it to the side for Severus. When she was finished with that she began chopping the dragon liver. She turned to him and said, "You are looking a lot better than you were a couple months ago. I can tell that you are eating more and that makes me very happy. Thank you."
He looked away and made himself busy with juicing the bundium and adding it to his cauldron. There was a brief pause before he said, "I'm trying. I also am drinking less as I promised you that I would. You are very meddlesome, but I appreciate you showing that you care."
She turned quickly and embraced him. He hesitated for only the slightest moment before wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on the top of her head. He stroked her hair gently. She said softly, "Of course I care. I only wish that I could show you how much I care, but I am still going to respect your boundaries. I know that you are working on yourself and that you are still my professor, I just hope that you don't forget about me when it's all said and done."
He squeezed her tighter and said, "I could never forget about you. It just isn't the right time for such things. I do appreciate you looking after me more than I can express. No one has ever really done anything like that for me. Since surviving Nagini's attack I have been on a self-destructive path and I am trying to do better. I don't want you to have saved my life for nothing." After saying this he pulled away from her and added the ground shreeler shells and began stirring the mixture as he flicked the flame beneath the cauldron on.
Brixton was still smiling as she turned to her own cauldron to do the same. "So, do you think there is any chance I won't get the potions position at this point?"
Severus laughed tersely and said, "No. You have been working very hard and have more than proven yourself. Typically a formal apprenticeship is a hiring prerequisite, but you will have essentially met that requirement by the end of term. Minerva and I have recently been discussing this and she is even willing to waive the customary entrance interview. The position is yours, but I thought you already knew that."
Brixton couldn't stop herself from jumping up and down a few times in joy. She spun around quickly and almost lost her balance, but Severus reacted fast with a steady hand to catch her. "Careful," he warned, "You blow us up in here and I think you can consider yourself prematurely sacked."
She quietly laughed and blushed, "Sorry, I know better than that. I'm just so excited. Will I be allowed to stay here during the summer? I have heard that some professors do that. I don't really have a home to go to. I could stay with my cousin, but I know she was getting tired of me sleeping on her couch." She chewed her lip nervously.
"Yes, you will be able to stay here. Not all who teach here have homes elsewhere. I personally spend some time here and some at my house. It would not be unusual at all for you to stay at Hogwarts." He watched approvingly as she added the dragon liver to her cauldron before doing the same to his own.
There was a comfortable silence as they both stirred their cauldrons vigorously. After a few moments, Severus added a dash of hemlock essence to his cauldron and passed the vial over to Brixton. As he did this, their hands touched for a little longer than necessary and she looked up to meet his gaze. He was staring at her with an uncharacteristic look of fondness that made her warm inside. She felt the need to say something but the words just did not come to her. Eventually he let go of the vial and looked away so Brixton just quietly added the essence to her own potion and stirred her concoction.
Unable to bear the silence any longer, Brixton turned to her professor and asked, "Are you looking forward to taking the Defense position after the summer?"
Severus cleared his throat and turned and looked at her as though she had pulled him from some deep thought. "Yes, I am. I have wanted that position for years, but Dumbledore wanted to protect me from the curse he believed that the Dark Lord had put over it. I honestly did not believe there was such a curse in my own stubbornness. I have always felt that my talents would be best served in the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. It's no secret that I was drawn to the dark arts at a very young age and my years as a Death Eater certainly illuminated what darkness there is out there. I firmly feel that I can channel those years of experience to teach the students in a way that few others could. I want every student to leave Hogwarts fully prepared to fight off what's out there."
Brixton added a glug of cowbane essence to her cauldron then leaned over to grab the tormentil tincture. As she did so, the side of her body brushed up against Severus' body. The tension in the room was thick, but she did her best to ignore it and asked, "What changes do you specifically plan to implement?"
Severus added the necessary ingredients to his potion as he said, "The first thing I intend to change is teaching the Patronus Charm. Currently it is something only taught to seventh years, and it is not covered nearly as extensively as I would like. The way the dementors were used when the Death Eaters had infiltrated the Ministry is a prime example of why every student should be prepared to fend them off. If there were to be another dark uprising it would be essential for us all to be able to defend ourselves against the dementors. I realize the Patronus Charm is a very advanced spell, but Potter was able to produce it in only his third year. That was a remarkable feat, no doubt, but it got me to thinking that the charm should be introduced earlier and practiced more often. It seems paramount to me that we should be training the magical youth to have defenses against governmental tyranny. That is something that the Ministers of old did not support, but I have already cleared it with Kingsley Shacklebolt."
Brixton smiled over at Severus as she slowly stirred her mixture counter-clockwise. It was gently bubbling and she could tell the Doxicide potion only had a few minutes until it was complete and could begin cooling. "I think that is a wonderful change to be made," she said, "It is a shame that the people who still judge you for your brief reign as Headmaster can't hear you speak so passionately about being against tyrannical governments."
"Well, even before that I have always managed my classroom with a bit of an iron fist. I do not blame anyone, parent or student, that would be skeptical of me after all these years. I allowed my own misery and intolerance of childish antics to create a hostile environment for some of my students, such as your friend Mister Longbottom. That is something that is going to be expected of me, but I hope that over time I will be seen for my true intentions. I still find it a wonder that I'm even allowed to teach at Hogwarts after everything I had to do before and during the war," as he said this Severus shuddered slightly in an uncharacteristic manner.
Hoping to avoid his mood taking a dark turn, Brixton shifted the conversation back to something happier, "What else would you like to change about the Defense class?"
"Despite the ridiculousness of the dueling lessons during Lockhart's time, I feel that teaching dueling is essential. Merely teaching defensive spells is not sufficient in preparing the students for what is truly out there. That is another thing I have already cleared with Shacklebolt. Thankfully, he was not blind to just how badly the second war could have been. So many more lives could have been lost. It was actually you and your friends' Dumbledore's Army that I feel prepared some of the students the best. It shouldn't be something taught in the dark by other students. Dueling should be part of the curriculum," as Severus said this he turned the flame off beneath his cauldron and nodded at Brixton to do the same.
She said excitedly, "That is a great idea. I always felt that our education here left too much up to theory when it came to actual defensive measures."
"Indeed," he said, "Would you perhaps like some tea in my office while we wait on this to cool?"
She smiled shyly and said, "Yes, please," before following him out of the brewing room and through the classroom to his office.
Brixton sat on the green leather couch waiting with an odd feeling stirring in her. It was unlike Severus to invite her to tea. She had already been sensing more tension between herself and her professor while they were brewing the Doxicide, but sitting in his office felt much more private. Remember the boundaries that you both agreed to, she said to herself.
Eventually, Severus joined her and sat a tray down on the table. He poured a cup for both of them. She leaned forward and added a little honey to her cup and stirred it. They sat there silently for a moment before Severus finally spoke, "I am sure you realized that I asked you to have tea because I wanted to discuss something with you."
She nodded and blew gently on her tea so he continued, "As I told you, Remus Lupin had extended an offer of friendship a few months ago after I paid him a visit. Since then we have been corresponding by owl. Easter holiday starts next week, as I am sure you know, and I have arranged with him to pay a visit to him and Harry. I plan to sit down with him and allow him the long awaited discussion that he desires."
Brixton practically lit up, "Oh, Severus! That's just wonderful! I know that Harry will be very happy to hear that."
He frowned at her from his side of the couch, "Well, I have been quite the coward in avoiding him for well over a year now. As much as I detest emotional conversations, especially with someone I have kept at such distance, it's time to stop denying him such a simple request."
She reached over and rested a hand on his knee, "Avoiding Harry doesn't make you a coward. What he and I saw in those memories was beyond intimate. Merlin knows you have lived a very private life for so many years! I somewhat suspect that this was not only due to necessity but also because of your nature in general as a person. A person cannot be expected to change their entire personality overnight."
He rested his hand atop hers and said, "You are far too generous with your kindness."
Brixton shook her head, "No, I mean it. I know you are dreading talking to Harry because of the memories, but I think you have not been cowardly for avoiding him."
"It is not just the memories. That is bad enough, but it's the sudden reverence that he seems to have for me. He has spoken out for me as though I am some hero, and I don't feel that way about myself. I just did what was required of me. Often I did it with much contempt. I do not wish to be idolized and yet, at the same time, I feel completely out of bounds for telling him how he should feel about me after all this time," as he said this, Severus' voice was filled with emotion. So much so that Brixton didn't quite know how to respond.
She settled for flipping her hand over to hold his and said, "It's okay to have mixed emotions about it all."
He simply squeezed her hand and thanked her. They drank their tea in silence and after a while he said, "Please do not tell Potter about my plans to speak to him during the holiday. I have just today made the arrangements with Remus and I want him to be the one to set it up. I do not want his entire bloody entourage present when I go to visit."
"Of course, that makes perfect sense. I will not say anything," she replied adamantly.
Severus folded his hands in his lap very formally and asked, "Will you be here for the holiday?"
Her heart fluttered at the question. She knew the implication was that he wanted to know if he would be seeing her during the two weeks. "No, I won't be here for the holiday. I have been invited to spend it with Luna and her father. We are going to join the Weasleys for Easter dinner. My birthday is actually two days before Easter this year. It always falls during the break and Luna just didn't want to see me spend another birthday alone."
There was a fleeting moment were Brixton thought she saw disappointment in Severus' face but his expression quickly shifted to his usual stoic demeanor. Then he said, "I'm glad that you will be amongst friends for your birthday."
She quietly said, "Me too, but I will miss you."
Brixton was surprised when his reply was, "Likewise." Before she could respond he stood and with a wave of his wand the tea platter was cleared away. "My next class will be starting soon, so I really should go pour the Doxicide into sprayers for Hagrid. Would you mind delivering them to him for me?"
"I would be happy to," she replied.
Soon Brixton had said her goodbyes to her professor and was on her way to Hagrid's hut with a large metal spray can of Doxicide in each hand. She felt very optimistic about the conversation that she and Severus had shared. She was happy that Harry would soon get the reconciliation that he wanted so badly. Above all she was thankful that despite his reluctance to be romantically involved with her, that the Potions Master still felt comfortable enough to discuss such personal matters with her. She hoped that over time it could grow into something more.
Author's Note: I normally wait at least a few days to post each chapter, but I am writing so quickly now that I just could not wait to share these goodies with you. Thank you all who have followed, favorited, or reviewed! Please consider writing a review if you haven't yet. They really inspire me and I love to hear what my readers are thinging both good and bad. HAPPY READING!