It always began on the moon.

Kaworu would awaken in the same box, staring out at the Earth. His mind flickered with a single thought.

I can't wait to meet you again, Shinji Ikari.

Then he'd follow through and awaken all the Angels again. One at a time. It felt like an eternity, opening each box to let out the other Angels. Each time he would gaze at the Earth from the moon, waiting.

Then finally came his turn and he'd come back down to Earth and Kaworu would meet Shinji again.

oXo

Shinji always had the same face the first time they met. A wide-eyed confusion and fear. Kaworu already knew what hurt him so much, everything he had seen, everything he had endured. But like always Kaworu gave him a smile.

No matter what, Kaworu just wanted Shinji to be happy.

And with time, Shinji would slowly learn to smile again. His sad eyes, shining with happiness. That's always what Kaworu was waiting for. The blissful small grins and a pinkish blush on his cheeks to appear.

If only Kaworu could protect Shinji's smile but he had to die, again.

oXo

The moon always felt cold when Kaworu woke. His mind wracked with the memory of his deaths. He wanted to scream until his lungs gave out. Again and again, he died, the thought of seeing Shinji again always kept him standing. For as many times Kaworu would die, he would also see Shinji again.

As he died over and over again, they met over and over again.

It was never in the same place. Sometimes it was on the same sandy shores of their first meeting. Sometimes it was in a field of sunflowers. Sometimes Shinji found him first. It was always slightly different.

Sometimes Kaworu would hum. The song changing depending on his mood.

Ode to Joy. Fly Me to the Moon. Canon in D.

Whatever felt right at the time, he hummed. Sometimes Shinji recognized the melody, sometimes he didn't.

But one thing never changed about their meetings.

Shinji's fearful, doleful face.

oXo

Kaworu had fallen in love with Shinji the first time they met. Never in his existence had he even know a feeling, the same as the ones he felt around Shinji. The feeling that he was not destined to destroy humanity over and over again, but rather that he was meant to fall in love with Shinji over and over again.

oXo

Shinji smiled again, and Kaworu died. Rage surged inside Kaworu, as he was forced to repeat the same cycle over and over again. To die and never keep Shinji's smile. He wished so badly that he could run away. In one timeline they did, but Kaworu only ended up waking up on the moon once more.

It's enough, as long as I see him again, Kaworu kept repeating to himself.

He kept telling himself it would be okay, as long as he met Shinji again, and as long as he could see him smile once more.

Just one more time, and it would all be okay.

He would be okay.

oXo

At some points, Kaworu felt like he was losing hope. On top of a hill, they both sat, watching the sun rising over the horizon, the wind silently passing by them. It was just another timeline, like any other. And just another time where Kaworu was waiting to be killed again.

Holding back tears, he spoke, before he could stop himself, his mouth said.

"Shinji."

His voice was meek, but he did his best to keep it steady, and hold a smile on his face.

Shinji looked Kaworu in the eyes, his expression calm, his eyes staring intensely, waiting for Kaworu to continue.

"No matter what," Kaworu said," Be happy. No matter what happens, keep being happy."

Shinji smiled gleefully, embracing Kaworu, his body warm and welcoming.

"I'm already happy, Kaworu, as long as I'm with you, I'm happy," Shinji said.

Kaworu's heart fluttered. Those words had made his chest overflow with joy. This was a time Kaworu wanted to last forever. He wanted to live in this world with Shinji, he wanted to protect humanity and the person he loved but-

He was an Angel. A tool to destroy humanity. He could never exist alongside his love and again, again - Kaworu died.

oXo

In another timeline, they gazed up at the stars. Laying side by side in the ruins of another destroyed Earth. Kaworu had met Shinji only a few times on an Earth like this. It was a grim reminder of what Angels were truly capable of, what he was really capable of.

The moon, the prison he was forced to awaken on, over and over again. It's bright silvery glow cast down upon them, the stars glittering above them, the sky and endless abyss. Kaworu felt like he was going to be swallowed by it.

He snapped his attention toward Shinji, staring at his face, illuminated by the moonlight. His face was still and calm, staring at the sky above, with nothing but awe.

Shinji was smiling, and slowly Kaworu felt the anxiety inside him melt away. That's what he always wanted to protect. As long as Shinji smiled, he didn't have to worry. He didn't need to think of the next way he was going to die.

Shinji reached for Kaworu's hand, and Kaworu accepted it. They didn't talk. Shinji's eyes glimmering, a smile on his face. Kaworu couldn't stop himself from squeezing Shinji's hand.

Even when he would die again, even when he had to reawaken all the other Angels, Kaworu knew he'd be okay. He knew he could make it, because no matter how many times he died, no matter how many times he repeated the timeline, he and Shinji would meet again.

So long ago that boy had taught him what it meant to feel, and what it really meant to be human. He hoped that bringing Shinji joy would fill the pain in his heart, as he continued to awaken over and over again.

Because in the end, all he wanted was to be happy.

AN: I've been dealing with writer's block lately so I pulled this up to try and help myself keep writing! I've also been meaning to write a Kawoshin fic for ages, glad I finally got around to it!

Comments are always appreciated~