Slackers, Episode 3: The Charizard Dilemma

by MihalisDualwielder

When poachers try to capture Scorch, Mike brings Wario, Knuckles, and Mew to the Mystic Ruins to save the day. However, they don't know they're about to deal with an annoyingly persistent group of hunters. (CRACKFIC/CROSSOVER FIC) (M FOR LANGUAGE AND ADULT HUMOR)

SLACKERS

EPISODE III

THE CHARIZARD DILEMMA

---

On a cold, rainy Saturday night in New Donk City, a bus is screeching on a busy road. Lights from passing buildings reflect on the ever-building collection of raindrops forming on the window, projecting unique shadows on its passengers. Among the riders, in the third row from the back, is a man who looks like he's returning home after a long, perilous journey across the globe. However, those that view this as the result a strenuous and arduous adventure are gravely mistaken. This is not a man in pursuit of nobility. This is a man who has barely escaped from an angry mob in Las Vegas after it was discovered he was using his Psychic Pokémon to cheat his way to a championship in a globally-televised poker tournament.

He looks out the window, clad in his favorite jeans, leather jacket, and a distressed black beanie. His hair is his Achilles' Heel, so protective is he of that hair that if he can't achieve styling perfection, his trusty hats are there to save the day. His phone is in his right pocket, two Poke Balls in his left. Sitting in his lap is his favorite backpack-the one he's had for 18 years-and his suitcase is above him in overhead storage. His glasses have just been wiped clean, as they need to be every time he's out in the rain. He knows contacts would make more sense to him, but his inner hipster can't help but embrace the stylish frame wear over his eyes… so speaks of a man with both a boosted ego and low self-esteem.

As the bus continues, he leans his head against the window, idly watching the neon-lit colors flying by. He's always been a city boy at heart, even though he spent years roaming the wild country with his closest companions. He's on his way to see one of them now, hours after he said he'd arrive… and she's probably none too happy about it. Finally, his movement slows, and a screech is emitted from the bus's brakes. A deactivated neon sign hangs over the front door of the building where he's just arrived. He stands up, collects his things, and solemnly walks to the front of the bus. He takes a deep breath as he makes his way down the stairs, off the bus, and back to his regular life…

---

Mike: Well, Mew, Mika… we're home.

Mike reaches for the Poke Balls in his pocket, holds out one in each hand, and waits as they open. The purple Master Ball releases his Mew, whom accompanied him and his friends on their deadly vacation. He is finally looking well-rested after having been assaulted by dark powers multiple times. The red Poke Ball releases his Pikachu, Mika, whom Wario took along without his permission, but was there to save the day when needed.

Mike: Hope you guys haven't rested too much, it's one in the morning and I don't need you both going nocturnal one me.

Mika: Piii… kaaa… *yawns*

Mew: That's the least of your worries, Mike. Misty was expecting us back hours ago.

Mike: She's just gonna have to get over it. There was no way I wasn't taking you guys to the Pokémon Center after what you went through.

Mew: Either way, it won't be pretty. But you had our back, so we got yours if you need it.

Mika: *agreeing* Pika!

The three smile and nod at each other in understanding. Mike looks up at the dim "Slackers" sign, sighs, and unlocks the front door. Mew and Mika follow him inside as he closes and locks the door behind them.

Mew: If you don't mind, I'm getting some shuteye in the lounge. Might fall asleep with the TV on.

Mike: Go ahead, Mew. Enjoy your rest, you've earned it.

Mew smiles at Mike and flies toward the lounge. He uses his psychic powers to turn the TV on at a low volume, lands on his bed, and falls halfway asleep. Mika perches on Mike's shoulder as he walks to the private elevator in the corner. He punches in the four-digit code, and presses the "Up" button above it.

Mika: Pi-ka-chu?

Mike: A little, but I'm sure it'll be fine. I think she'll be more happy we're home than mad we're late.

While Mika is an ordinary Pikachu that only communicates by saying her name, Mike has known her long enough to, for the most part, figure out what she's saying by her actions and tone of voice. In this case, voicing her concern for a man whose ass is about to get chewed out. When he was training in Kanto, he kept his same team of six throughout his whole journey-Mika, Mew, Scorch (his Charmander-turned-Charizard), Rootus (his Bulbasaur-turned-Venusaur), Shellshocker (his Squirtle-turned-Blastoise), and Amethyst (his shiny Caterpie-turned-Butterfree).

The other four have left for various reasons: Scorch went to live in the mountains, Rootus was put on a security force for a national preserve, Shellshocker went to Mike's sister Emily, and Amethyst eventually wound up back in Viridian Forest to start a family. But when they all parted ways, Mike was able to give them special pagers to keep in touch or signal if trouble was around and help was needed. Thankfully, they've all been able to look out for themselves very well.

A bell dings, the doors recede, and Mike steps into the elevator. It's privately owned by him and Misty, with one stop at the bar, and the other stop all the way to the penthouse at the top. The elevator rests in an open chamber-the glass wall allows him to watch the skyline descend as he rises. It's a spectacular sight, especially in the darkness, when the city is illuminated by bright, colorful lights. A painting adorns the west wall. It's an abstract illustration of the collision of fire and ice, one of Scorch's creations based on his battle with Lance's Dragonite.

Mike: I wonder how he's doing.

Mika: Chaa!

Mike: You wanna go see Scorch sometime?

Mika: Cha! Pikachu!

Mike smiles and reaches behind him, scratching Mika's head between her ears. Finally, the elevator reaches the top, Mike takes a deep breath as the door opens. The penthouse is dark, save for the fireplace and a dim kitchen light, and Misty is nowhere to be seen.

Mike: She must've gone to sleep.

Mika: *yawns* Pika…

Mike: *yawns* You said it…

Mika hops off Mike's shoulder and lies down in front of the warm fire. She's out in seconds. Mike takes off his backpack and sets it on his chair before looking at the nighttime skyline and stretching his arms. He tiptoes to his bedroom and slowly opens the door. Misty is in bed, out cold.

Mike: Guess she got tired of waiting.

And once again, Mike's habit of talking to himself lands him in a world of trouble. The fiery redhead springs up, glaring evilly at Mike. He freezes in place, about as scared as Mew after winning the recent tournament.

Misty: Where the hell have you been?!

Mike: Uh…

Misty: You said you'd be back hours ago! I was worried sick!

Mike: First of all, hi. Second, what are you so worked up about?

Misty: I guarantee you'd be "worked up" if I was running super late without a word after getting attacked by a psycho man.

Realizing she's referring to Karen's attacks on him and Mew, he eases up.

Mike: Alright, alright. I'm sorry. We stopped at a Pokémon Center for a power nap. Mew and Mika needed healing, and you know I can't sleep on airplanes.

Misty gets out of bed, puts on her robe, and storms over to Mike.

Misty: And that trip of yours was way too dangerous! You almost got yourself AND your Mew killed! What were you thinking?!

Mike gets defensive, scowls, and clenches his shaking fists.

Mike: What was I thinking?! You're the one who said "You never go on vacations, go enjoy time with your friends!" That's exactly what I was doing!

Misty steps closer and yells in his face.

Misty: I never said "Get tangled up with overpowered psychotic trainers and risk your lives!" Do you seriously not see the difference?!

Mike: You're just jealous because I didn't take you!

Misty: No, you're just an idiot who can't even tie his fucking shoes without me!

Mike: That was ONE time, and I was drunk!

Misty: Oh, what a surprise! You, drinking too much!

Mike: Oh, ha ha. I have to when I live with someone who communicates by punching!

Misty: I ought to land your face a Falcon punch right now!

Mike: Condescending she-devil!

Misty: Brainless dipstick!

Mike: Bossy bitch!

Misty: Ignoramus!

Mike: …

Misty: …

---

The next morning…

---

The rainstorm from the night before has carried into the morning. The skies are especially dark for 9:30 AM, and the rain is coming down hard. Mew has finally made his way to the penthouse, and is lying down like a cat, curled up on the couch next to Mika. Whenever they're talking, they both use their native tongues. Even though Mew is fluent in human languages, he prefers using his Pokémon-speak around Mika and the others since it's easier for him. However, since typing in Pokémon language is tedious, annoying, and way too much work, I'll dub their conversation in English.

Mew: Hey Meek, I just realized I never thanked you for your help back there.

Mika: Aw, don't worry about it. I'm just glad I was there to help.

Mew: No, I'm serious. We'd all be Houndoom chow if it weren't for you.

Mika blushes.

Mew: Mike let me keep the entire million-dollar prize when we were done, and I wanna split it with you!

Mika: Seriously? Come on Mew, you don't need to do that…

Mew: I want to, though. It's thanks for saving my life.

Mika: Oh wow. Well… thanks, Mew! That's really nice of you!

Mew smiles. He then yawns and turns on the TV to his favorite show, Planet Kanto.

Mika: Now I just need to figure out what I'm gonna spend half a million bucks on.

Mew: I wouldn't worry, you've got plenty of time to figure that out. Hell, I still don't know what I'm spending mine on.

Mika: You're a Mew. What could you possibly need money for?

Mew: Phenomenal cosmic power can't raise my credit score.

Mika: … again, what do you need good credit for?

Mew: Bragging rights.

Mika: … I don't get you, Mew.

Mew: Yeah, I AM a rather mysterious soul, aren't I?

Mika: Mysterious? Your logic, maybe.

Mew: Alright, fine, so I don't need the money. What was I supposed to do? Let Wario grab it all and build a megajet, just to crash it into a lake?

Mika: You could always spend it on something for someone else.

Mew: I guess. At least it wouldn't go to waste and I'd have a clear conscience. Mike and Misty seemed pretty angry last night, so I guess I could always buy them an expensive weekend getaway or something.

Mika: Trust me, Mew. Your idea of "angry" is way off balance. But I'm sure they'd like the getaway.

Mew: What do you mean, "off balance?"

Mika: Don't you remember the last time you saw them blow up in each other's faces like that?

Mew has a flashback of a similar argument that ended with a very X-rated entanglement. He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut.

Mew: Aw, come on… where's the TM for Memory Eraser?

Mika: I think I saw one in Men In Black.

(Editor: This concludes the full-on translation. From here on, whenever Mika is speaking, it'll sound like a typical Pikachu. However, we'll throw in a parentheses microtranslation when appropriate.)

Mika's ears perk up when she hears a doorknob turning nearby. Mike is seen walking out of his room and into the kitchen. He begins humming cheerfully, and Mew rolls his eyes. Being the most technically intelligent one among all his friends, you'd think he'd know when and when not to ask Mike how he's doing. But even the smartest surprise us all…

Mew: Well, how bad was it?

Mike grins smugly at Mew.

Mike: Oh, it was bad. REAL bad.

Mew: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Mike: Heh heh, not so fun when you're on the other side, huh?

Mew: What are you talking about?

Mike: Mew. You flirted with at least 400 women while we were in Vegas. And bragged. A lot. It's my turn now.

Mika: … Pika?

Mew: Don't ask.

Mike: Oh, he didn't tell you how he intentionally made himself sexy in order to attract as many girls as possible?

Mika starts giggling at Mew. Mew grumbles and floats above the couch.

Mew: You know, the fact that you just called me "sexy" says more about you than it does me.

Mika's giggles evolve into full-blown hysterical laughter.

Mike: At least I don't have to worry about giving Misty the Pokerus.

Mew: Whatever you say, "jack" hammer.

A nerve seems to have been hit, as Mike's expression sours and he prepares his morning coffee.

Mike: Let's just drop it and get on with our morning, huh?

Mew: Good idea.

Mika: *disappointed* Pikaaa…

Mike fills his coffee machine with grounds from a café in Lumiose City, and starts brewing it. He then looks in his fridge and freezer, letting out sighs of disappointment.

Mike: Hey Mew, I'm out of breakfast. Would you mind whipping something up?

Mew grabs his tail and whips the counter with it. Two large pancake breakfasts spontaneously appear in front of Mike.

Mike: I… well, I didn't mean literally "whip," but thanks.

Mew: Your life would be so boring without me.

Mew fabulously spins in place.

Mike: … can't argue with that.

Mika: (*Well, at least he'd be a lot hungrier without you.*)

Mew: Thank you for the love and support, Meek. *rolls eyes*

---

Six hours later…

---

Today, it's Wario's turn to tend the bar. And, of course, he's grumpy. He always tends to come up with some kind of excuse for his behavior, whether it's blowing his money on the slots, not being able to go the bathroom right just now, getting punched by Knuckles, or getting blown off by Mona-

(Editor: We apologize for the author's inappropriate euphemism. Carry on.)

I meant "blown off" as in "ignored," and you know it. Ugh. Anyway, today his excuse is simply being jet-lagged. And having to deal with Mike's hyperinflated ego. Although anyone would probably be grumpy if their friend was being that way. Mike is sitting at a table with Sonic and Link, filling them on the events of his recent trip. Knuckles is sitting at his regular barstool, chatting with Wario and Wolf, who is sitting next to him.

Wolf: Damn, I can't believe I missed out on all that.

Wario: It was insane. Even for Vegas.

Knuckles: Even for anywhere, considering we almost got killed by an angry mob and Mew got mentally assaulted.

Wolf: … I'm not sure I want to know what that means.

Knuckles: Pokémon attack.

Wolf: Ah, nevermind then.

Wolf directs his attention to the TV behind Wario. It's still early enough in the day for nothing that interesting to be on, so he usually keeps it on the news by default.

Knuckles: Hey, how come Leon isn't here?

Wolf: He's mad at Mike for using his name in the poker tournament.

Wario: I keep forgetting he did that. So Leon's letting a dumb grudge keep him from hanging out here?

Wolf: Naw, he'll be back soon enough. He's just trying to come up with new things to put in his notebook to exact his revenge, and wants to have a plan ready before coming back.

Knuckles: That's… really disturbing.

Wario: Seriously.

Wolf: Well, you know Leon.

Wolf takes a drink of his beer and turns his attention back to the TV. When the newest story breaks, his ears perk up at the headline "POKER SCANDAL."

Wolf: Uh-oh.

Wario: What?

Wolf: Turn around, I think you guys are famous.

Wario: Huh? … uh-oh.

Knuckles: Great…

Reporter: -a psychic Pokémon was placed in the tournament to sabotage the game in its favor! Its trainer, going by the name of Leon Powalski, was revealed to be Mihalis of Saffron City, the four-time champion of the Indigo League. Accompanied by two accomplices, Mihalis and his Mew were able to escape, and a warrant from the City of Las Vegas is out for their arrest-

Knuckles: Wario! Change the channel!

Wolf: Yeah, you really don't want your own customers knowing about you being a lying, cheating, no-good son of a-

Wario: Okay, Wolf. I get it, thanks.

Wario promptly picks up the remote and points it at the TV. And, of course, none of the buttons are working.

Knuckles: Anytime now!

Wario: Argh! Useless piece of junk! Work, dammit!

Wario angrily pushes buttons, then looks at the counter to find he's picked up the wrong remote. He puts the other one back, and successfully changes the channel to a network currently running commercials.

Wario: Sorry… wrong remote…

Knuckles: You never cease to amaze me.

Wario: This one's for the lounge—freaking Mew must have switched them on me!

Knuckles: *chuckles* Mew's alright. Hey, wait a minute!

The commercials end, and the network cuts to a flyover of the Mystic Ruins-a jungle and mountain range sitting below the hovering Angel Island, Knuckles' home.

Wario: What is it?

Knuckles: That's near where I live. Turn it up!

Wario: Yes, ma'am…

Knuckles gives Wario a dirty look and pounds his fists together in a threatening way. Wario turns up the volume as a headline appears: "POACHERS OVERRUN RUINS."

Reporter: You're looking at an image of the Mystic Ruins: the site of an ancient echidna civilization surrounded by a lush jungle and the Red Mountains. Apparently there has been an ongoing issue with criminals hunting wildlife in the area. The ruins are a nature preserve and hunting is illegal, but for some, the law has no meaning.

Wolf: Poaching? What kind of wildlife do you have there, Knuckles?

Knuckles: Well, considering all our universes are somehow combined into one, all sorts of stuff's there nowadays.

Wario: Like what?

Knuckles: Rogue robots, Venomian refugees, Koopas, and even a bunch of different rare Pokémon. That's why they have it blocked off to hunters-nature in the Mystic

Ruins has achieved a rare balance and the Station Square government wants to keep it that way.

Wario: Rogue robots don't seem like nature to me.

Knuckles: Eggman used to have a base there, and he was pretty notorious for trying to just throw away old, obsolete units. The ones that didn't get melted ran away. The place has gotten pretty weird since then. But people love it. It attracts lots of tourists.

Wolf: You're happy about tourism near Angel Island?

Knuckles: Hell no. That's why Mike's Charizard lives there and scares them off.

Wario: Well he ain't scaring off the right people. For all we know, they could be there looking for rare Pokémon that are hard to catch normally.

The feedback cuts to an interview with a tourist at the Mystic Ruins.

Tourist: Well we were on our safari through the jungle, and we saw this really weird hot air balloon in the sky. It looked like it was shaped like a giant cat's head and paw.

Reporter: So you're saying the group in the balloon might have been there to seek out rare wildlife for profit?

Tourist: I know for a fact they're trying to snag rare Pokémon. They were sending out their own and throwing balls from the balloon like crazy. I can't even imagine why they're looking here, though.

Reporter: What do you mean?

Tourist: The only rare-ish Pokémon we've seen is this Charizard with something on its neck… a necklace? A collar? I don't know, we were too busy trying to run away from it. It kept chasing us and shooting fireballs. It almost looked like it was enjoying itself.

Reporter: Do you think the poachers might be on the hunt for this Charizard?

Tourist: Only thing I can think of.

Wario and Knuckles stare at the TV blankly. Eyes wide open, jaws dropped. Wolf scratches his head in confusion.

Wario: Knuckles?

Knuckles: Yep. We gotta tell Mike.

Wolf: Why? What's going on?

Knuckles: That was his Charizard. I think he might be in danger.

Wolf: From the way that nerdy guy on TV described it, it sounds like he IS the danger.

Wario: Nah, Scorch would never hurt anyone. He just enjoys scaring them and feeling powerful. A 'mon after mine own heart!

Knuckles: All you have around your heart is twenty pounds of cholesterol.

Wario grabs the tap water nozzle, points it at Knuckles, and sprays him with it. Knuckles flings his limbs in place and falls off his stool. Wolf and Wario look down at Knuckles, unable to contain their laughter. This is noticed by Sonic and Mike.

Sonic: Hey Knuckles! Wario's mopping the floor with you!

Mike: What's the matter? Your drink too watered down?

Wolf: Yeah, you're all washed up!

Wario, Sonic, and Mike stare at Wolf like he'd just kicked a puppy.

Wolf: What?

Wario: We had a pretty good thing going there until you ruined it.

Mike: Yeah, sorry Wolf, that one was a bit flat.

Sonic: Mhm, just like Knuckles' face on the floor.

Everyone laughs except Knuckles, who looks like he's about to go on a rampage.

Wario: Now THAT'S funny!

Wolf: Whatever…

Wolf sulks at the bar and drinks his beer. Knuckles finally gets up, the water steaming off his head. He stares daggers at Wario, breathing heavily and angrily.

Mike: Hey! Hey! Take it outside!

Knuckles: *grinding his teeth* Gladly…

Knuckles storms off to the front door.

Mike: Hey, where you going?

Knuckles: To let off some steam.

Knuckles leaves the bar and slams the door. Everyone looks at each other awkwardly.

Sonic: What a diva.

Wolf: Did… did he just make a pun at his own expense?

Wario: Wolf, you idiot. That wasn't a pun, it was a play on words. Besides. He'll cool off soon enough. Mike, come over here.

Mike: Why?

Wario: It's Scorch. I think he might be in trouble.

Immediately Mike hops out of his chair and runs for the bar. He takes a seat in front of Wario, looking extremely concerned.

Mike: What do you mean? What's going on?

Wario: I'm not entirely sure, but they just did a bit on the news talking about Pokémon poachers in the Mystic Ruins, and some nerd they interviewed mentioned Scorch.

Wolf: Not by name. He just whined about a Charizard that keeps attacking tourists and smiling while he's doing it.

Mike lets out a hearty laugh and leans on the bar.

Mike: Yep, that's definitely Scorch!

Sonic gets up from the table and joins the guys at the bar, taking an empty set on the opposite side of Wolf from Mike.

Sonic: Are you gonna do anything? I mean, based on what you've told us, it seems like he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but it may be a good idea to warn him he might be some kind of high-profile target.

Mike turns around, leaning his back against the bar, slightly propping himself with his hands. He takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling.

Mike: You know Sonic, you may be right. It's possible he's gotten too carefree lately. Maybe it'd be a good idea to remind him to keep his guard up.

Wolf: Just make sure you don't get there in a safari Jeep.

Sonic: Or a Wolfen.

Wolf growls at Sonic.

Wario: What was it… oh yeah!

Mike & Wario: I… CAN'T… LOOOOSE!

Mike, Wario, and Sonic burst into hysterical laughter.

Wolf: I was going to help you find your Charizard, but nooo! Everyone gang up on Wolf! Dicks.

Mike: Calm down, bud. We're just having fun here.

Sonic: Kind of like Fox every time he somersaults in his Arwing.

Sonic and Wario resume laughing. Mike tries to hold it back so as not to hurt Wolf's feelings, but his weak attempts are pretty obvious.

Wolf: Okay, that does it! Screw you guys, I'm going home!

Sonic: Whatever you say, Cartman.

Wolf sighs, pays his tab, and calmly leaves the bar. Wario has finally calmed down, but Mike looks at Sonic like he's disappointed.

Mike: I think you might've gone a little overboard there, buddy.

Sonic: He'll be fine. I'm still getting back at him for all those "faster than a speeding bullet" comments.

Wario: What?! Why didn't he just recycle that one earlier? That would be funny no matter how many times he repeated it.

Mike: I think Sonic's done enough of being faster than a speeding bullet without having to repeat it and embarrass himself.

Wario and Mike laugh. Sonic rolls his eyes and groans. Thankfully he's a good sport when it comes to friendly banter, and he's able to take a joke as well as he's able to dish one out.

Sonic: Wolf could learn a thing or two from you guys.

Mike: Anyway, I'm going to the Red Mountains. I need to go find Scorch and give him a heads-up about the poachers.

Wario: You have fun with that. Send a postcard, will ya.

Mike: I won't need to, because you're coming with me.

Wario: What? Why do I have to go?

Wario folds his arms and frowns.

Wario: No offense Mike, but I need a break from trips with you. I'm still putting my psyche and my general bone structure back together from the poker trip.

Mike sighs, folds his own arms, closes his eyes, and smiles.

Mike: Alright, War. Just make sure you and Misty can keep the place up without me, okay?

Without a nanosecond of hesitation, Wario moves at triple light speed to gather his things and pack them for another trip with Mike.

Wario: Well, what are we waiting for?! We got a Charizard to find!

Mike: That's what I thought.

Sonic: Need me to come too?

Mike: You're welcome to if you want. But I think Misty could actually use your help here.

Sonic winks and gives Mike a thumbs-up.

Sonic: You got it, boss!

---

One hour later, in the penthouse…

---

Mika: Pi-ka! (*Check!*)

Mew: Mew! (*Dammit!*)

Mew and Mika are on the floor of the living area, playing chess. The clever Pikachu has just backed Mew's king into a corner, the only ways out being surefire methods of an eventual checkmate in her favor. Misty is in the kitchen preparing dinner for herself and the Pokémon. Mike normally eats in the bar most weeknights, and tonight wasn't meant to be an exception.

Mew: (*I really wish I could just cheat…*)

Misty: Aw, I still can't get over how cute your "Mew Mew" voice is!

Mew: -_-

Mika snickers.

Mew: Another reminder of why I started speaking human…

Behind him, the door to the private elevator opens. Mike walks in and passes by the chess players.

Mike: Hey guys, you holding up alright?

Mika: Pikachu!

Mew: *sarcastically, in his human voice* Mew Mew.

Misty: Oh, don't be ashamed of it! I love it!

Mew: Just wait, soon enough I'll slip up and go "Mew Mew" and the baby talk follows.

Mike: What's the matter, kid? Mika winning in chess again?

Mew: I wouldn't be having this problem if I could just Foresight her moves.

Mika's cheeks spark, and Mew remembers what happened the last time he cheated in chess as he coddles his rear end in fear.

Mew: Just saying. Geez.

Mike walks into the kitchen and plants a quick one on Misty's cheek. She winks and giggles. Mew groans and turns his attention back to the game.

Mew: Great. They'll be like this for days. Happens every time they fight.

Mika: Pi-Pikachu, pi ka Pikachu pika. (*Don't worry, Mew. One of these days you and I will go on our own adventure, and we'll find you a lady Mew.*)

Knowing this is a serious, heartfelt offer, Mew smiles at Mika, lifting his spirits a little.

Mike: Hey Mis, I was gonna ask you something.

Misty: What's up?

Mike: I saw something on the news about poachers in the Mystic Ruins, and Scorch was mentioned.

This immediately gets Mew's attention. His ears perk up, and he turns around to watch Mike.

Misty: He was? Did they say what for?

Mike: Apart from almost setting another Jeep on fire and laughing like an idiot, not really.

Misty: So he hasn't changed a bit, then. What did you want to ask?

Mike: Wario and I were talking about going over there to give him a heads up. I was gonna make sure it was fine with you, and ask Mew to come with me so we know we're getting the right message across.

Having heard his name mentioned, Mew flies to the kitchen to join the conversation.

Mew: Did you try the pager?

Mike: I tried, but the damn thing won't turn on.

Mew: … did you try recharging it?

Mike: I don't think I like your tone. Why don't you just pull a Kylo/Rey and call his mind?

Mew: Hey, long distance telepathy ain't cheap!

Mike: How… how does that make any sense?

Mew: Lazy storytelling?

Misty: I'm starting to get tired of the fourth wall jokes. Last time you tried signaling someone that way, you nearly collapsed from exhaustion after only one sentence.

Mike: Huh. I guess we're finally getting the hang of this "coming up with legitimate, canon excuses" thing.

Mika: *dryly* Pika…

Mew: Anyway, I'm in. But you'll understand when I tell you I'd rather use more traditional means of traveling this time.

Mike: So are you just done using Teleport now?

Mew: No, I just don't like the idea of psychotic elitists noticing. For whatever reason.

Mike: No worries, I got it. I'll look into getting plane tickets for Station Square. We just need to get Knuckles in since he's a local…

---

That night, in the bar…

---

Knuckles: No fucking way.

Mike: Come on, why not?

Knuckles: Mike. I JUST got back home after you and Wario almost got me killed. I think I've had it with adventures for a long time.

Mike: First off, you were just as in on that scheme as we were. You're as much to blame for what happened as me or Wario.

Knuckles: That's not what I-

Mike: Second, it's not an adventure. Not some kind of quest or mission or whatever they're calling it these days. I just want to tell my Charizard to watch his back and I need your help getting there since you know the area.

Knuckles: Can't you just use your pager?

Mike: *sighs* No, Knuckles, I can't. It won't power on.

Knuckles: Try, I don't know, charging it.

A vein appears in Mike's forehead and he responds through grinding teeth.

Mike: I already went over this with Mew. Do you all seriously think I'm that stupid or are you just trying to wind me up?

Knuckles: Would "both" be an acceptable answer?

Mike: Only if you help me get to the Red Mountains, jackass.

Knuckles: Forget it. You can't change my mind.

Mike: Alright, I guess I'd better ask someone a bit more reliable… not to mention faster…

Knuckles scowls.

Mike: Hm… now, who do I know who's faster, better looking, and much cooler than anyone else?

Knuckles' eye twitches.

Mike: Oh, I know! Hey Sonic-!

Knuckles: Fine! Fine, I'll take you to the Red Mountains. Anything to get you to shut up.

Mike: Too bad, I was just about to ask Sonic if he knew where I could find you. My description was pretty spot on!

Knuckles: Uh huh. Suuure.

Mike beams in his egotistical sense of accomplishment.

Knuckles: When are we leaving?

Mike: As soon as Wario and Mew are ready.

Knuckles takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and rubs his forehead, indicating the onset of another idiot-induced migraine.

Knuckles: Alright. You realize I can't use Chaos Control on you guys, right? That only works for me unless I have more Chaos Shards. We're gonna have to take a plane and a train to get there.

Mike: I'm aware of that. Mew is too paranoid to use Teleport for a while, so it looks like we're going there the old-fashioned way.

Knuckles: I'll go home and get some supplies, and be right back. It's gonna be a long trip.

Mike: Okay. I'll rally up the troops and we'll meet here soon.

Knuckles sighs, turns around, and walks outside. He takes a deep breath, uses Chaos Control, and disappears as he warps to his home on Angel Island. Mike walks over to the bar, sits on his favorite bar stool, and motions at Wario. Wario, polishing his partner's favorite beer stein, walks over.

Wario: He still being a diva?

Mike: He's just grumpy. Probably just his time.

Wario: Ha! Well, what'll it be? Usual German beer or something a bit more exotic like Pokémon Daycare on the Beach?

Mike: Beer.

Wario holds the open, freshly-cleaned stein under a tap and fills it to the brim. He wipes off the side with a cleaning cloth and hands the frothy beverage to a very happy Mike.

Wario: You know, the more I think about it, the more excited I am to get out there. Hopefully it'll be a bit less chaotic. Plus I haven't seen your Charizard in years.

Mike: That's true. You guys do have a mutual love of showing off your muscles and picking on those weaker than you.

Wario: Maybe someday I'll get a Charizard like that.

Mike: Well, maybe I can take you to Kanto with me some time, I still have my old apartment in Saffron.

Wario: That'd be great! So Knuckles will be back in a bit, what about Mew?

Mike: He's ready, he's just upstairs playing video games with Mika.

Wario: Well, if Misty's taking over, I'm ready when you guys are.

Mike: Alright. I'll run up and get him. Hopefully Knux will be back soon.

Mike quickly finishes his beer, sets the stein on the counter for Wario, wipes his lips on his sleeve, sighs contently, and heads for the elevator.

---

Meanwhile, in the penthouse…

---

Mika: (*Um… Mew? What are you doing?*)

Mew: (*You'll see. Just wait for it, this'll be good.*)

Mew is levitating upside-down a foot away from the elevator door. What he's up to is anyone's guess. Mika is staring at Mew, her head slightly tilted, looking like she had just undergone a Confuse Ray attack. After a minute of stationary levitation, the elevator doors open. Mike makes it halfway out the elevator before he looks ahead and Mew makes his move.

Mew: BOO!

Mike: AAAAH!

Mike frantically swats the air in front of him, barely missing the mischievous Pokémon. Mew swirls around in midair, giggling with his hands covering his mouth. Mika has a near identical reaction, but her swirling around is on the floor. Mike isn't impressed.

Mike: Dammit Mew! It wasn't funny the first time, why would it be the next 27 times?!

Mew: Last I counted it was 28, and they've all been just as funny to me!

Mew flies to the kitchen, laughing the whole way. Mike groans. He squats and holds out his hand, and Mika climbs onto his shoulder before he walks into his bedroom to find Misty typing away at the computer on her desk.

Mike: What are you working on?

Misty: Ordering your plane tickets. It's taking a while to find what you'll need.

Mike: Like what?

Misty: Seats in Wide Load Class for Wario.

Mike: Better than being stuck with him while I'm gone, though?

Misty: I'd rather be stuck with a pack of wild monkeys.

Mike: Gotta admit though, seeing wild monkeys run the bar would be pretty entertaining…

Misty: Yeah, until they all leave and you're stuck cleaning up hundreds of pounds of-

Mike: I get it. Anyway, I just came up here to get Mew and tell you bye. You gonna be okay?

Misty: Getting up to seven stars on Yelp might be a challenge, but I think I'll manage.

Mike: -_-

Misty: Just call me when you find Scorch, okay?

Mike: Alright, I will. I won't be gone long.

Misty smiles at Mike, and gets back to the computer. Three tickets come off the nearby printer. She notices Mike counting them, looking confused.

Misty: I figured you'd appreciate saving some cash by putting Mew in his ball, and he'd appreciate not being stuck in an airplane seat. Which reminds me…

Misty picks up the Master Ball sitting on the desk, and tosses it underhand to Mike. He catches it and puts it in his pocket before picking his backpack up off the foot of the bed.

Mike: Alright, I'm off. I'll let you know when I find Ol' Man 'Zard.

Misty: … huh?

Mike: What? It's a nickname I came up with.

Misty: It's just that… you've never called him that before… but… okay.

Mike turns around and heads back into the living room, where he finds Mew lying on top of the back of the loveseat facing the TV, using telekinesis to fly candy from the kitchen counter directly to his mouth.

Mike: Come on Mew, let's go.

Mike passes Mew, ignoring his former trainer and binging more cheap candy.

Mike: Mew!

Mike shoves Mew and knocks him off the couch. His hover reflex can't react quickly enough, and he falls to the floor.

Mike: Come on. Quick screwing around and let's go find Scorch.

Mew: Geez. Rude.

---

The bar - a few minutes later

---

Wario: So, do you know anything else about these hunters?

Knuckles: Wish I did. I've heard a little, but nothing about why they're there or what they're after.

Wario: Ah, I figured you'd know since you live close by.

Knuckles: Well, the island hovers near the Red Mountains, but we tend to keep to ourselves. Most people on the island don't really pay any attention to what happens on the ground.

Wario: Makes sense. Seems like you guys would be too focused on that big ass emerald. Plus the ground sucks. Maybe that's why you're so obsessed with the jewel.

Knuckles stares blankly across the bar at Wario.

Knuckles: … was that a pun?

Wario: No. It was a play on words. Jesus Christ, does no one here know what a dictionary is?!

Knuckles: No need to be rude. Even for a play on words, that actually wasn't bad. You'd have to be a pretty hardcore Sonic fan to get it, though.

Off near a quiet wall, the elevator door opens. Mike and Mew emerge from the elevator and walk/fly over to Wario and Knuckles.

Mike: You guys ready?

Knuckles: Ready as I'll ever be.

Wario: Well, you did it, Mike. You've suckered us into another annoying non-vacation.

Mike: Need I remind you that was, in fact, YOU that "suckered" us into the last one?

Wario: You all offered to go with me!

Mike: And eventually, so did you.

Knuckles: He does have a point.

Mew: You guys have no right to complain about what happened…

Knuckles: I'll be honest, Mew. I'm sorry you got hurt, but you knew what you were getting into, and we made you a millionaire out of sheer gratitude. Eventually, our sympathy will run out if you keep milking it.

Wario: Since when have you ever been sympathetic?

Knuckles: Right now, actually.

Knuckles reaches over the bar and clocks Wario in the face. He is thrown back into the wall and falls on the floor. Mike worryingly notices some expensive liquor bottles shaking upon impact.

Mike: Be careful! Do you realize how much valuable, precious commodities you're risking here?

Knuckles: What the hell are you getting so antsy about? All you'd have to do is get Mew to snap his fingers or do that weird flip thingy and more bottles would magically appear. Well, and clean up the mess.

Mike: Nah, that's what Wario's for.

Wario, unwilling (but able) to muster up even the tiniest amount of strength necessary for decent human speech, groans on the floor and gives Mike the finger.

---

New Donk City International Airport - 9:00 PM

---

Mike, Wario, and Knuckles are in the terminal, waiting in line for security. Each has their favorite backpack with them, and Mew has been recalled into his Master Ball. In this world, traveling Pokémon are required to be locked in their balls from the moment they pass through security until they reach baggage claim. Apparently there was an incident once where some idiot decided to release his Wailord on a jet. There's also probably some concern that if cell phones need to be shut off to prevent screwing with the plane's communications, they should probably find a way to contain Pokémon that can control minds and machinery. The trio may have been waiting in line for a half hour, but by now they've almost reached the front.

Knuckles: This seems like a lot of effort to go through to get to one of your Pokémon, Mike.

Mike: Knuckles, we don't have a choice. There's no convincing Mew to Teleport right now, and I don't have any other means of getting in touch with him.

Wario: What about that pager of yours? You know, that one you can use to reach your old team?

Mike is visibly annoyed. He takes a deep breath, and responds with a shaking voice.

Mike: … no. It doesn't work right now.

Wario: Did you try charging it?

Knuckles: Oh boy…

---

20 minutes later…

---

Mike, Wario, and Knuckles have finally made it to their departing gate, and Knuckles is the only one to have arrived unscathed. An angry-looking Wario is covered in bruises, and a steaming Mike is rubbing the back of his head, where he was clubbed by airport security for causing a public disturbance. Thankfully, things seem to have calmed down a bit now, and though tensions are high, the guys are finally back on track.

Mike: Alright, fine. I'm sorry I attacked you, Wario.

Wario: Don't talk to me. I was just trying to help, jackass.

Knuckles: You know, I knew letting you finish that conversation would be a problem, but I didn't say anything. Kind of a dick move on my part…

Knuckles smiles and laughs, essentially patting himself on the back for providing his own entertainment with the simplicity of silence. Mike directs his anger at Knuckles.

Mike: I swear to god Knuckles, when we get there, I'm gonna have Scorch Fire Blast your ass SO HARD-

Wario: You'd better stop there. That sounds like a dick joke waiting to happen.

Knuckles hides his laughter with his hand as Mike growls at his friends.

Knuckles: I'm glad you talked me into tagging along. I'm having a great time!

Wario: Speak for yourself…

Mike looks outside and notices their plane has docked. He checks his watch for the time and leans back in his chair.

Mike: Look, we just need to get to the damn mountains, find my Charizard, and go home.

Wario: What exactly are you planning on doing when we get there, anyway?

Knuckles: Yeah. Are we really doing this whole airport and train thing to tell Scorch "Hey, look out for hunters?"

Mike: That, and I'm planning on hanging out there for a while to stay with him until this whole poaching thing blows over. Don't worry, as soon as you help me get there, you guys can go home.

Wario: You mean, you want to help an overpowered Level 100 Charizard beat a bunch of bad guys to a bloody pulp?

Mike: Um… yeah, I guess.

Wario: Woohoo! I'm in!

Knuckles: You sure cheered up quickly.

Wario: Yeah, no thanks to you, Knucklehead.

Knuckles: That joke got ancient back when your mom got her license to ride a dinosaur as a teenager, Wart-io.

Before he can go into a violent rage against Knuckles, Wario is stopped by Mike grabbing his arm. At the same time, an announcement comes over the PA.

PA: Now boarding Flight 151 Business Class to Station Square.

Mike: Come on, that's our cue.

---

25 minutes later on the airplane…

---

The guys are able to occupy a row of seats in the emergency exit row. Through the power of violent threats often carried out, Knuckles scores the window seat. Still angry at Knuckles, the others agree that Wario will sit in the middle to crowd Knuckles and give him as little room as possible.

Knuckles: Ugh, I should have just freakin' warped there…

Wario: I should warn you, I get snuggly and drooly when I fall asleep…

Knuckles: Sweet mother of god, take me now.

Mike takes his seat next to the aisle, buckles his seat belt, and reaches into his pocket for the Master Ball.

Mike: Enjoy your virtual comfort, Mew, reality is a bitch.

Wario: Oh, quit whining. At least we made it to the damn plane. What's the worst that could happen?

Stewardess: Ladies and gentlemen, a brief word from the Captain.

Leon: This is your captain, Leon Powalski. To anyone who hasn't recently pretended to be me in a national gambling scandal, enjoy a pleasant flight to Station Square. To anyone else here today, prepare for the ride of your life.

All suddenly petrified with fear, the trio exchange worried looks.

Knuckles: We're fucked, aren't we.

Mike: Yep, we're fucked.

True to his word, Leon has taken the necessary steps to make Mike's commute total hell. For starters, his tray table is glued shut to the seat in front of him. His seatbelt only has one setting (way too tight) but the threat of arrest forces him to wear it anyway. The stewardesses have been instructed to offer Knuckles and Wario beer and steak, and to only offer Mike vinegar laced with soy sauce. The air conditioning for his seat is stuck on full blast, and it's below freezing in the sky outside. Leon has arranged for the row behind him to consist of a screaming infant, a tantruming child kicking the back of his seat, and a woman larger than Wario whom apparently has never heard of deodorant. His in-seat television doesn't turn on for the first three hours of the flight, until it spontaneously activates and Mike is forced to watch 20 episodes of the Kardashians. All on a flight from New Donk City to Station Square: an overnight trip. And this is a man with aerial insomnia, so for whatever reason, he can't sleep on airplanes. He spends the next 18 hours praying to God, Zeus, Buddha, Satan, Arceus, Allah, and Santa Claus for the plane to crash.

---

Finally, at 4 PM the next day, the plane touches down in Station Square. A stiff, sore, and headache-ridden Mike leads Knuckles and Wario down the aisle of the plane, ready to get to the flight deck and take sweet revenge on Leon. Unfortunately, the front door is locked tight and protected by a hired goon. Wario walks sidestep with him through the arriving gate.

Wario: I think we've just learned that none of us ever needs to mess with Leon again.

Knuckles: That was torture. I can't imagine how bad it must've been for you, Mike.

Mike: Must… murder… lizard…

Wario: … I think he needs time to simmer.

Knuckles: I'd just call it even at this point. No matter what you throw at Leon, he's an absolute wizard when it comes to torture. There's no beating him there.

Wario: Try telling him that again when he isn't on the verge of a homicidal rampage.

The guys make their way through the gate, and go to a subway station via a monorail. Mercifully, the subway ride isn't nearly as painful as the flight had been, save for a couple showing off their tonsil tennis skills and a cat that won't stop hissing at Knuckles.

PA: Next stop, Central Station. Here you'll find the train to the Mystic Ruins and a local tourist destination, Casinopolis one block away.

Wario: Money…

Knuckles: Goddammit, Wario! Will you knock that off?! It's bad enough that you're doing that stupid droning "money" thing just to piss me off, but quit recycling jokes from previous episodes!

Wario: He he!

Mike: Idiots…

The subway pulls to a stop, the doors open, and a packed car full of busybodies-and Mike, Knuckles, and Wario-pour out. Knuckles, the one most familiar with the station, leads them to the grand staircase that leads to the train bound for the Mystic Ruins.

Knuckles: This takes me back.

Mike: I thought you said last time you were here the entire city was destroyed by a sentient flood?

Wario: … huh?

Knuckles: That's a long, complicated story I'd rather not get into right now.

Mike: Why? Because you just made the whole thing up?

Knuckles: No, I did not. Sonic would back me up on this.

Mike: We don't need you guys in the same room for a while. It would be utter… chaos.

Knuckles realizes that Mike knows exactly what he's talking about and is resulting to trolling.

Knuckles: Oh, ha ha. Tell you what, you keep being a complete idiot, and I'll lead you all the way inside the Red Mountains to the magma chamber, where you can take a nice, long swim.

Wario: Why are we all friends, again?

The train arrives at the station, and after unloading its previous passengers, the trio, among a few others, hop on board. All Mike can think about as they take their seats is his incredibly strong desire for this mode of public transportation to be a peaceful and pleasant one. Thankfully, it is. The train takes them out of the city, along the coastline, and into a dense forest. It climbs and snakes through the forest, eventually leading to a cliffside. When the trees clear, they can see for miles. The jungle is in the distance, and they can faintly spot old echidnoid ruins from centuries ago. Knuckles, his head resting on the window, looks up and sees a warm, familiar sight.

Knuckles: Home.

He points out a giant island levitating miles above the ground. Mike and Wario look on in amazement.

Mike: You know, even though I've seen your island plenty of times, I never get tired of looking at it.

Wario: It really is something, Knux.

Knuckles grins, happy to be nearby. Any disdain he'd had for this trip is now completely gone. The idea of exploring the ruins to get to the Red Mountains with his friends doesn't necessarily excite him, but he is happy to feel needed and have a comfortable amount of company.

Mike: Hey, what's that?

Knuckles: Hm?

Mike: Out there, between the island and the mountains. See it?

Mike points out a mysterious-looking object floating in the area he described. Knuckles and Wario see it, but it's too far away for them to be able to tell exactly what it is.

Wario: Hey, I see it. What the hell is that?

Mike: Looks… like some kind of… I don't know, an animal? A balloon?

Wario: It could be that balloon the guy on TV was talking about.

Mike: What guy on TV?

Wario: The guy they interviewed who was talking about Scorch. He said he saw some weird cat-shaped hot air balloon he thought had something to do with the poachers.

Mike raises an eyebrow and looks at Knuckles, whom seems to be deep in thought, focusing on the object.

Knuckles: I don't know, but we'd better check it out. Scorch could be anywhere in the mountains, and that thing is the only lead we have.

Mike: Good point. If that is the hunters, I hope we find him before they do.

Mike has known for a very long time that his Charizard is extremely powerful and proud of it. When he first went away to live in the mountains, his trainer had complete confidence that he would excel on his own. Now, for the first time since Scorch was a Charmander, Mike is genuinely concerned for his safety, and it begins to show.

Wario: Mike? What's up? You look worried.

Mike: I just realized I haven't seen or even heard from Scorch in a long time. For all I know they could've gotten him already…

Knuckles: That's a load of bull. You really think some freaks in a hot air balloon could take out your Charizard? I'd like to meet the man that stood up to him and lived, but that hasn't happened yet and I doubt it ever will.

Mike's frown turns into a smile, and he looks at Knuckles, his eyes watering slightly.

Mike: Thanks, Knuckles.

Finally, the train arrives at the station. It's old, rickety, and built around a bridge. Knuckles reassures them it's safe, and true to his word, the guys make it off the train, through the station, and down the stairs to the ground. For the most part, the area has been left untouched. The station is behind them, to their right is a small hill overlooking the ocean, with a workshop perched at the top owned by Sonic the Hedgehog's best friend, Tails. Ahead of them is a natural pool with a waterfall pouring into it, and next to the pool is a public-use trolley car that leads to the nearby jungle and the actual ruins themselves.

Mike: Wow, this place is beautiful!

Wario: Eh, I've seen better.

Mike reaches into his pocket for the Master Ball, pushes the button on it, and tosses it out in front of him. A small, pink, floating Pokémon emerges and begins flipping midair.

Mew: *yawns* What'd I miss?

Wario: You don't wanna know.

Knuckles: Alright, we need to get to the mountains. Look over there.

Knuckles points to a nearby cliff, with a giant hole blasted out in the middle of it.

Knuckles: That cave leads to the mountains. We go through there, we should be able to see that thing in the sky on the other side. If it's the balloon, we need to take it down.

Mew: What about Scorch?

Knuckles: The more time we waste, the more time they'll have to find him. The best way we can help him avoid the threat is to eliminate it.

Mike: Right. Lead the way.

If there was anything maybe a tenth of the way close to resembling an epic adventure in Slackers, this might be it. The guys head into the cave, led by Knuckles, followed by Mike, then Wario, and Mew bringing up the rear. They pass holes in the ground with wind blowing straight up, random fields of ice, and odd structures resembling those found in the caves of Angel Island. Finally, after about a half hour, they emerge from the other side of the cave, a full view of the Red Mountains in front of them.

Wario: Whoa. That snuck up on me quickly.

Mike: I'm starting to recognize where we are. I've been in this area to visit Scorch a few times, but this is the first time I've gotten here without his or Mew's help.

Mew: Um… guys?

Mike: What is it, Mew?

Mew: … look up there.

Mike, Knuckles, and Wario turn to look in the direction to which Mew is pointing. Near the peak of a mountain, they find a hot air balloon shaped like the head and front paw of a Meowth.

Wario: That's it! That's the one with the hunters!

Knuckles: What an interesting choice in style.

Mike: Wait a second…

Mike scratches the back of his head, staring at the balloon like he's studying it.

Knuckles: What is it?

Mike: I know I've never seen that thing before, but it looks… familiar. I could have sworn Misty was telling me about these three clowns that followed her and her friends everywhere for years, and they flew in a balloon just like that.

Wario: You think the hunters might be the same guys that followed them around? Why did they even do that? Following a little girl for years? That can't be legal.

Mike: Based on what she's told me, the world "legal" isn't in their dictionary. They used to obsess over kidnapping her friend's Pikachu because supposedly he was overpowered.

Knuckles: If that's true, then it makes sense they're looking for your Charizard, considering how powerful he is.

Wario: So what do we do?

They all think for a minute, and Mike looks over at Mew.

Mike: Mew?

Mew: Yeah?

Mike: Do you think you can go up there and-

Knuckles: Guys, look!

Wario points to the balloon, which has just fired a missile at one of the mountains. A huge explosion is seen in the distance.

Mike: That's definitely gotta be the poachers. We need to stop 'em!

A few seconds after the explosion, they see something flying out of the smoke, heading for the balloon. When it clears the dust, they realize it's a Charizard flying back in self-defense.

Wario: There he is!

Mike and Mew look at the Charizard for a second, then shake their heads.

Mike: Nope. That's a Charizard alright, but it's definitely not my Charizard.

Wario: How can you even tell from way over here?

Mike: Scorch has been my friend for almost 18 years. I raised him myself. I think I should be able to recognize my own Pokémon.

Knuckles: Well whoever it is, it looks like it's in trouble!

Another missile is fired at the Charizard. It's able to dodge it, but is thrown off course and misses the balloon. The Charizard u-turns, heading for the balloon once more. The hunters fire another missile. Direct hit.

Mike: No!

Wario: Holy crap!

The Charizard falls to the ground, hurt. The guys immediately take off at full speed to rush to its aid, with the balloon closing in.

Wario: Shouldn't they see us by now? Why aren't they trying to nuke us?

Mike: They must have run out of missiles. Those things are heavy. They're heading right for that Charizard, we gotta get there before they do!

They continue sprinting for half a mile until they finally see torn-up ground where the Charizard crashed. They follow the trail, and find it too weak to move.

Wario: I think I figured out why they have a stupid cat balloon. It's because those guys are a bunch of pus-

Knuckles: Not now, we got bigger things to worry about than your dirty commentary!

Mike kneels beside the Charizard's head as Knuckles and Wario keep their eyes on the balloon. He feels its forehead and begins stroking it along its jawline.

Mike: Are you okay?

The Charizard roars weakly, its roar of a higher pitch than Scorch's. Mike, being the expert on the species he is, reveals a detail about it to his friends.

Mike: This Charizard is female, and she's badly hurt. We need to get rid of that balloon before it gets any closer.

Mew: On it!

Knuckles: I don't think so, Mew. If they see you, they'll stop at nothing until they've caught you.

Mew: Then what are we supposed to do?

As the balloon gets closer and closer, Mike hears a familiar roar echoing in the distance. It's intimidating enough to get everyone's attention, but as soon as the sound reaches the group, Mike smiles wider than he has in years.

Mike: Don't worry, guys, I think we'll be okay. Give me a hand over here.

Wario: What about the hunters? If they reach us and find a freaking Mew, we'll never lose them!

Mike: Wait for it…

All four of them look up at the balloon, and a blurry, orange streak flies right through it at near supersonic speed. The air leaking out of the balloon causes it to fly away in a spiraling frenzy, disappearing over the horizon. Mike takes a look at the injured Charizard, whom seems to be just as happy as he is for what's just occurred. Knuckles rushes over to help, and reaches into his backpack for supplies. As he tends to her, another roar is heard coming from something flying their way. Knowing the injured Charizard is under good care with Knuckles, Mike takes off running at full speed.

Mike: Scoooorch!

Instead of a soft, graceful landing that is typical of the Charizard species (yeah right), Scorch flies directly into Mike, tackling him and causing them to drag on the ground before coming to a stop-his customary greeting. Scorch briefly nuzzles Mike's forehead.

Mike: Glad we finally found you, buddy! How've you been?

Scorch: Rar!

Scorch gets off of Mike, helps him up, and holds out an open hand, which is promptly swatted like a high five by his former trainer.

Wario: Is that a Charizard, or just an overgrown puppy?

Scorch turns to Wario and responds with a massive flamethrower to the face.

Wario: Ugh… good to see you too…

Wario faints.

Mike: Look Scorch, another Charizard was fighting that balloon, and she got hurt pretty bad. Knuckles is fixing her up, so she'll be fine, but we need to keep her safe from those hunters.

Scorch flies at a low altitude over to the other Charizard. They look overjoyed to see each other. They briefly speak, then affectionately nuzzle their noses together.

Knuckles: Oh? What's this?

Mew: 'Eyooooo!

Mike: Scorch? Are you guys…?

Scorch turns to Mike, smiles, and nods. Mike returns the smile as Knuckles pulls a Full Restore out of his bag. He sprays the female Charizard with it, puts it away, and waits for her to recover.

Knuckles: You'll be okay. Just try to take it easy for a while, alright?

Knuckles stands up and walks back over to Mike and Mew.

Knuckles: We should probably get to somewhere that's not out in the open.

Scorch signals Mew, who flies over to him. Through his language of roars, he is able to tell Mew his idea so he can to relay it to the others. Mew nods, then flies back over to Mike and Knuckles.

Mike: What's up?

Mew: Scorch says we can go camp out in his cave. It's in a hard-to-get place, so the only way we're gonna make it is if we fly on them over there.

Scorch roars at Mew again.

Mew: Oh, and this is his mate, Charlotte.

Mike: Way to go, buddy!

Knuckles: Grats, Scorch! Sorry to disrupt the happy moment, but I'd better go get Wario…

Knuckles walks over to a freshly-grilled Wario. He looks down at him, grins evilly, and starts kicking him on the ground.

Knuckles: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

It's not very effective.

Mew: Wow. He must be out cold.

Mike: "Cold" isn't really the right word, but Scorch sure did a number on him.

Mew: That joke was cute, Mike. Want to start sharing knock-knock jokes with each other? Maybe "why was six afraid of seven?"

Mike: I've got one for you. Knock knock.

Mew: Ugh. Who's there.

Mike: Mew.

Mew: … Mew who?

Mike: MEW USED AMNESIA!

Mew: … what were we talking about?

Mike folds his arms and grins. Scorch helps Charlotte get back on her feet. He walks over to Mike and starts roaring quietly at him, as if to ask him a question.

Mike: What's up?

Mew: He said "Thanks for coming all the way out here to see me, but what's going on?"

Mike: We saw a news report about the hunters around here, and came to warn you. I guess I should have realized you already had it under control.

Scorch: Rrrar?

Mew: "If you just wanted to tell me about those guys, why didn't you just use your pager?"

Mike: …

Scorch tilts his head in confusion.

Mike: I'm tempted to not answer.

Mew: I mean, it's a sincere question, and Scorch knows you better than anyone.

Mike: Fine. In that case, I didn't use the pager because I can't get it to turn on for some reason.

A few moments of silence. Then another upwardly-inflected roar. Mew looks at Mike nervously.

Mike: What?

Mew: Uh…

Mike: *impatient* What did he say, Mew?

Mew: He's, um… asking if you tried charging it…

Mike: …

Uncomfortably long silence.

Scorch: *innocently* Rrr?

Mew: He's asking if you're okay.

Mike, shaking in fury, answers as calmly as possible through clenched teeth.

Mike: Yes. I'm fine. How about we go to your cave now? That sounds nice.

Mew: … I'll explain later, big guy.

Knuckles: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

Knuckles leans in close to Wario to make sure he's even still alive. When he walks around and stands directly in front of the direction Wario is facing, Wario pounds Knuckles so hard, he flies headfirst into a nearby tree. Everyone cringes as Knuckles slowly slides down the tree.

Mike: War? How long were you awake?

Wario: I woke up right as he was walking around. I don't know why I hang out with people that roast me… both metaphorically and literally.

Scorch walks over to Mike and crouches before roaring again. Mike recognizes this gesture immediately and smiles.

Mike: Sweet! You ready to fly?

Scorch: Rar!

Mike: And is it okay if Wario and Knuckles ride on Charlotte's back?

Scorch: Rrr… rar. (*Well… okay.*)

Mike hops on Scorch's back and gets settled, beaming with nostalgia.

Mike: Hey, Knuckles! Wario! Get on Charlotte's back and let's get going!

Over by the tree, Knuckles slowly stands up, looking none too thrilled.

Knuckles: What? Why do I have to share with Wario?

Wario: Yeah!

Mew: Well, I could always take one of you guys there… over the mountains, really high above the ground, plenty of nice obstacles in the way…

No one here would say that Mew has a habitual instinct to prank his friends whenever possible, far from it. Knuckles and Wario remember this, but, for some reason, they immediately opt to share a ride on Charlotte. Running like the wind, they quickly hop on a crouching Charlotte. Thankfully she's just as strong as Scorch, and carrying a 300-pound grouchy Italian is an absolute breeze.

Charlotte: *strained* Rrrrrgh…

---

And so set forth Scorch and Charlotte, star-crossed Charizards soaring amidst the majesty of the Red Mountains. This elegant, graceful flight is one to match the heavens in its sheer beauty. That is, if you aren't paying attention to the anthropomorphic echidna and the fat guy riding on the backs of one of them. Scorch takes the lead with his old trainer on his back. It's a sight rarely seen these days, but it reminds Mike of his later years in Kanto, when his very first Pokémon reached his evolutionary peak, flying him across the land and sea, fighting at his side to the very end. Charlotte is close behind him, keeping a steady pace as opposed to the races they're used to having. And bringing up the rear is Mew, Mike's best friend and Scorch's former teammate. Mew and Scorch fought together for nearly ten years, and have also formed an everlasting bond. Were they to fight side-by-side again, they would be an unstoppable team.

Mike: Kinda takes you back, doesn't it, buddy?

Scorch: *smiling* Rar!

Scorch banks hard to the left, with Charlotte and Mew in tow, followed by a spinning dive, a vertical loop, and a rapid descent to a nearby cliffside. Desperate not to fall off, Wario grabs Knuckles with one hand and uses the other to cover his mouth.

Wario: Urf… I think I'm gonna throw up…

Knuckles: You do that and I swear I'll push you right off.

Clearly, Wario is prone to airsickness where tricky maneuvers are involved. Mew, however, is having the time of his life.

Mew: Wheeeee!

As they approach the cliffside, Mike can make out a hole in the side of the mountain with a ledge hanging in front of it-Scorch's home. He turns around and shouts at the other guys.

Mike: Hang on, we're almost there!

Wario: I'm never ever flying again…

Knuckles: Don't take it personally, Charlotte. I think this is awesome!

Charlotte roars and smiles. Up ahead, Scorch makes his final descent. He lands on the ledge, and she is quick to follow. Mike and Knuckles hop off their Charizards, looking back at them and smiling. Wario falls off, groaning.

Knuckles: Thanks for the ride! I live close by so maybe I'll come visit again for another joyride.

Charlotte: Rar!

Scorch begins looking in all directions, appearing concerned.

Scorch: Rrr?

Mike: Hey, you're right. Where is Mew?

Mike walks to the edge of the clip and focuses as hard as he can on the distance.

Mike: Meeeew!

Scorch and Charlotte both roar loudly, calling for Mew. He is nowhere to be seen.

Knuckles: We may have to wait until the morning to go look for him. It's getting dark out and, if you haven't noticed, it's freezing.

Mike: That's your own damn fault for choosing the perpetually nude lifestyle, Knucklehead.

Knuckles: ...

Knuckles, Wario, and Charlotte all walk into the dark cave, illuminated only by the flame on her tail. Mike climbs back on Scorch's back, and he flies straight up for a better view. After looking around for two minutes, they hear a piercing cry in the distance.

Mike: What was that?

To their shock, they see a Ho-Oh emerging from behind one of the mountains. They watch in amazement as it flies in their direction.

Mike: Oh wow. Wasn't expecting that.

The Ho-Oh flies closer and closer. Finally, when it's within 20 feet, something happens that the common man would call one step short of a miracle. It glows in a blinding light, and Mike and Scorch are forced to cover their eyes. When the light fades, they open their eyes, and…

Mike: … really, Mew?

Scorch: -_-

Mew: Hehehehe!

Mike and Scorch roll their eyes and land back on the cliffside, a look of brutal disappointment and extreme annoyance in their eyes.

Mike: Come on, you little punk. Let's go.

---

Scorch leads the way, followed by Mike walking beside him, and Mew perched on the Charizard's head. The cave is a long, sizeable natural hallway-big enough for a Charizard to easily fly through alone, but trickier when carrying a rider. The walls near the cliffside are ordinary rock long exposed to the air, but the further in they go, the more decorated the walls get. Not in a fancy New Donk loft sort of way, but in an abstract, more natural-looking way. Scorch is known among his friends to be a skilled painter, rivaled only by his own skills in a fight or aerodynamic precision. Painting canvases aren't normally his go-to, those are reserved for gifts for his friends. At home, he paints directly on the walls.

The first one to really catch Mike's eye is a large mural of Viridian Forest, where he was born. It fades into another landscape-a nighttime skyline of Saffron City. In the corner is a tiny illustration of a Charizard flying in the night sky with his trainer on his back. Mike smiles at the sight of it. At the end of the final mural, an abstract one representing two creatures flying in the mountains together, the hallway opens up into a gigantic chamber. It is naturally lit by a pool of magma, and overlooking the pool is a ridge with a large nest where Scorch sleeps. The walls are covered in paint. A few steps from the nest is a bubbling hot spring, where Knuckles and Wario have made themselves at home.

Wario: Glad you're here, Mike! Just wanted to tell you I'm never going back. Ahhh…

Mike: I see you didn't waste any time.

Knuckles: Well, I took my time looking at Scorch's artwork. Wario was already here when I got in. What took you so long?

Mike: The little dipshit made us think he was a Ho-Oh.

Mew: Hey-oh!

Mew flips and giggles in a very Mew-ish way. Annoyed, Scorch stands behind him while he's not paying attention, and blasts him with a flamethrower. Mew falls to the ground and groans.

Mew: Ow…

Wario: Hah! Omnipotent my ass!

Mike: He can only block attacks when he sees them coming.

Mew: I hate you…

Mew glares at a smug-looking Scorch. Charlotte walks up to Scorch and begins softly growling. He responds in a similar manner. They nuzzle their noses, and she flies out of the cave.

Mike: Where's she going?

Scorch: Rrr.

Mew: "She's going out to look for food, shouldn't take long."

Mew floats up, shakes his head rapidly, and flies toward the hot spring, where he comfortably lands.

Mew: Ahhh… any hot spring's a giant one when you're as small as me.

Knuckles: Same can't be said for Wario.

Wario: Say what you will, Knux. I can't be bothered.

Wario sinks further into the spring, submerging his entire body except his face.

Knuckles: As long as the water doesn't suddenly get even warmer, then I can't either.

Mew: Wouldn't that actually make the water cooler?

Knuckles: … you get my point.

As Mike is walking to the spring, he comes upon a rather disturbing sight. Sitting on a rock, not too far away, are a yellow hat, a yellow t-shirt, purple overalls… and boxer shorts.

Mike: Um, Wario?

Wario: What?

Mike: What's that?

Mike points to the pile of clothes. Mew and Knuckles look on, horrified. They slowly turn their heads back to Wario.

Wario: What? It's my clothes.

Knuckles: Wario… are you… naked?

Wario: So what? You're always naked! Come to think of it, so are you, Mew!

Mew: Um… I'm a Pokémon… we normally don't have to adhere to the same standards humans do regarding clothing…

Knuckles: And I'm an echidna. An animal. Same thing. You're neither of those.

Wario: Oh, lighten up.

Mike: Hah! Wasn't expecting to see you two sitting in a pool of hot, sweaty, bubbly Wario!

Mew: I may be omnipotent, but no amount of mind control is strong enough to erase that image…

Knuckles: At least put on some underwear or something!

Wario: Fine. Bunch of prisses…

Immediately, Knuckles regrets his request. He and Mew cry out in horror and shield their eyes in order to avoid a full-Wario-frontal as he gets out of the spring to fetch his necessary garment. And just when things can't seem to get more awkward…

Mew: Um, Knuckles?

Knuckles: … yeah?

Mew: … why'd the bubbles stop as soon as Wario got out?

Knuckles and Mew stare at each other, then at the suddenly still water, then at each other again.

Mew: AAAAHHH!

Knuckles: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

Knuckles hops out and starts rolling around in the dirt. Mew's instinct is to levitate upwards, but he overshoots it by quite a bit, and his head hits the ceiling at full speed. He falls back to the ground… and breaks his fall on a not-yet-dressed Wario. Mike and Scorch are leaning on each other, in tears from hysterical laughter.

---

Later…

---

It's been dark outside for some time now. Scorch has built a campfire, and Mew has produced a few chairs and a cooler full of dry ice and beer. Scorch is lying on the ground, his head near the fire. Mew is to his right, casually hovering and using his tail to hold his beer bottle. Mike is in a chair next to him, leaning back, looking at the fire with a half-smile and struggling to keep his eyes open. Next to him, Wario has finally managed to put his damn clothes back on. He's currently on his fourth beer. Not drunk, but loosening up fairly quickly. Knuckles is on number 5, desperately trying to get the events from earlier out of his mind. Really just about anyone would be traumatized after having been subjected to that.

Knuckles: I'm never getting in a hot spring again…

Wario: Oh, lighten up, you prude. You wade in a lot grosser stuff anytime you use a public pool.

Mew: Did that really need to be said?

Wario: I mean, I'm not wrong!

Mew: Yeah, and I'm not wrong whenever I want to mention that disease you contracted a few years ago, but you don't see me going around blabbing about it!

Wario glares at Mew. He doesn't need to be a telepath to convey the sadistic threats that are coming to mind. Knuckles takes a rather large drink, sighs, and looks two chairs to his right.

Knuckles: You've been quiet, M. No sarcastic put-down?

Knuckles realizes Mike has fallen asleep, his head leaning on his shoulder rather awkwardly. Not to mention the river of drool.

Wario: Hey guys! Let's write on him!

Knuckles and Mew let out a snicker as Wario hops up and tiptoes over to Mike, a marker in hand. What he doesn't notice, however, is the one eye Scorch has opened to peek at Wario. Wario takes the cap off the marker and prepares to draw some sort of obscenity before Scorch lifts up his head and shoots fire at him, frying Wario and Mike in the process.

Mike: Ugh… Scorch! The hell was that for?!

Scorch: Rrr…

Scorch scoffs, rests his head back on his arm, and resumes snoring.

Wario: I swear, if I'm set on fire one more time, this place is gonna freakin' explode!

And of course, right on cue, a loud explosion is heard coming from right outside the cave. Everyone immediately perks up.

Wario: Huh. I guess your psychic-ness is rubbing off on me, eh, Mew?

Mew: -_-

Knuckles: What WAS that?

A loud, familiar roar is faintly heard in the distance, coming from the same direction. Scorch immediately flies that way at full speed, roaring along the way.

Mike: Scorch! Hey, wait!

Mike runs after his Charizard, with Knuckles, Wario and Mew in pursuit. At the cave's exit, they find an extremely angry-looking Scorch, growling at the hunters' balloon hovering outside. Underneath it is a pissed-off looking Charlotte, caught in a net hanging from the balloon. Its passengers, looking cocky and arrogant (not to mention in way over their heads), laugh in triumph.

Jessie: Hahahaha! Looks like we "bagged" ourselves a big one!

James: I'd say we're on "fire," wouldn't you agree?

Meowth: Yeah! We'll take this one to the boss and collect all the "net" profits!

Wario: Who the hell are these guys?!

Knuckles: Asking for a fucking pounding if they keep up those puns is what they are.

Wario rubs his eyes and groans.

Wario: Not a pun. A play on words. I'm getting really tired of...

Knuckles: Wario, just give it a rest already! Sheesh.

Mike: Hang on… there's something familiar…

Jessie: Prepare for trouble!

James: Make it double!

Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!

James: To unite all peoples within our—ouch!

Their motto is cut short by a flying rock making direct contact with James' face, courtesy of an angry red echidna on the cliff side.

Knuckles: For the love of god, shut up and get on with it!

James: Grrr… cocky little freak…

Mike scratches his head, trying to jog his memory.

Mike: Weird balloon… dumb motto… a talking Meowth… hey, I remember now! You guys are Team Rocket!

Jessie: Brilliant deduction, Einstein.

James: Yeah, how'd you ever figure that one out?

Mike: Misty told me alllllll about you dorks.

Jessie: Dorks? How rude!

Meowth: Wait a minute, did you say "Misty?"

Mike: … yeah?

James: You mean the red-headed loudmouth we used to run into on a daily basis?

Mike: … yeah?

Wario: Hey. I couldn't help but notice you didn't argue with that little observation.

Mike: Shut up, Wario!

Wario grins smugly, then turns his attention to Team Rocket, pointing a finger in their direction.

Wario: You guys better let go of that Charizard before I come up there, punch your lights out, and take all your money!

James: Then you're out of luck! Your short little arms can't reach us way up here and we have no money!

Meowth: Yeah! All we have are some bottlecaps and the charm on my forehead!

Wario: Good enough for me! Mew?

Meowth: … eh?

Mew: What's up?

Wario: Launch me.

Meowth: Uh…

Mew flips in midair, and a jet pack materializes in front of Wario. Knuckles and Mike help him put on the heavy pack. Meowth is obviously getting nervous, and he looks at his teammates worryingly.

Meowth: Um, guys? Little help?

Jessie: Have it your way.

As Wario is getting ready for takeoff, Jessie and James each throw out a Poke Ball.

Jessie: Arbok!

James: Weezing! Go!

The Pokeballs open, and an Arbok and a Weezing appear on the cliff in front of the guys. Mike snaps his fingers, and Scorch fire blasts them. They faint immediately.

Jessie: Um, wow. That was quick, even for us.

James: Yeah, the author must be getting tired of trying to come up with elaborate descriptions.

A medieval anvil, crafted from the finest fusion of obsidian, ebony, and cement, appears above James. The ancient weapon-crafting tool is unique in its architecture, calling back to a time where kings ruled from high mountaintops and peasants roamed the streets in search of a high-tech "plumbing system" and regular visits from a civilian wheeling a cart, striking a triangle, signaled for the townsfolk to bring out their dead. James looks up at the anvil, but before he has a chance to worry, it descends at an alarmingly rapid pace, making swift contact with his head, causing a large bruise to form on the posterior of his cranium and a yelping sound to emerge from his lungs.

Meowth: You idiot! Don't you know the punishments for in-house narrative criticism?! We gotta get outta here before that fat Italian guy takes my charm!

Wario: Too late, suckers!

Wario presses a button, two small jets power on, and he (slowly) begins hovering in place. Jessie and James look at Wario, then at each other.

Jessie & James: Uh-oh…

Meowth: Quick! Get us outta here!

The balloon begins flying away from the cliff. However, seeing it is a hot air balloon, as opposed to any kind of aircraft with any kind of speed, its getaway isn't exactly climactic or timely.

James: Aah! It's too slow! We can't get away fast enough, we have too much weight!

Meowth: Drop the Charizard and let's get a move on!

All within the course of a few seconds, a button is pressed releasing Charlotte from the net, the balloon picks up speed, and Wario blasts over to the balloon, landing next to Team Rocket.

Meowth: Nonononono! Leave my charm alone, fat ass!

Wario grins and flexes his arms.

Wario: Ah-hahahahaha! I'm-a Wario, I'm-a gonna win!

Jessie: Oh no you don't!

James increases the fire output to maximum to accommodate Wario's extra weight. Wario, suffering from mild indigestion from a lifetime of binge eating garlic, gets an idea. He flexes his arms, squats, and smiles evilly.

Mike: … oh boy.

Knuckles: What? What's he doing?

Mike silently looks at Knuckles, his expression indicative of Wario's upcoming maneuver.

Knuckles: Oh no.

Mew: I'm so glad I don't have a nose…

Mike: He hasn't used that move in months! We gotta get the hell out of here!

Wario: Wah hah hah! Get ready for my ultimate Super Smash Bros. charged down-B move… the WARIO WAFT!

Scorch signals for Charlotte to fly away to safety. The Charizards, Mike, Knuckles, and Mew run back into the cave, leaving Jessie, James, Meowth and Wario at what will soon become ground zero.

Wario squats.

He leans slightly to the left.

He grunts.

And then…

BOOOOOOOM!

The toxic gas, combined with the fire fueling the hot air balloon, causes a massive explosion. The balloon's former occupants, clearly having recently experienced some kind of horrific trauma, are sent flying into the sky.

Jessie, James & Meowth: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaain…!

They disappear, and a light twinkles in the sky.

Wario, too heavy to have been thrown clear, begins falling toward the ravine below. About five seconds before hitting the ground, Scorch flies directly underneath Wario, allowing him to land on his back before flying back toward the cliffside.

Wario: Wahahahaha! Good catch, Scorch!

Scorch: Rrr…

Scorch, holding his nose shut with his hand and careful not to let out any fire, flies Wario back to the others. As they land, Wario hops off, dusts himself off, and makes a victory pose. Scorch, on the other hand, begins coughing hoarsely, as if he's struggling to retain consciousness.

Wario: Thanks for the save… eh? What's up with you?

Mike: Scorch's hurt by poison!

Wario: Huh?

Wario turns around to see the others emerging the cave. Mike and Knuckles are wearing hazmat suits.

Mike: Sorry, we figured we'd best be prepared for the resulting fallout.

Wario: This seems like a long way to go for a fart joke.

Knuckles: Trust me, when you're the perpetrator, this is nothing more than a knock-knock joke.

Wario: Oh, ha ha.

Mike rifles through his bag and takes out a Full Restore before walking over to Scorch and spraying him with it. The winged Pokémon stands up, flexes his arms, and roars in triumph, obviously trying to impress a certain orange Charizard, whom is seen swooning. After the combined forces of the Charizards' wings whirlwind the toxic gas away, the others take off their suits.

Wario: There. I don't think you'll have to worry about those guys for a while.

Knuckles: I agree. Now that they've seen what they're up against, I can't imagine them making another attempt.

Mike: I wouldn't be so sure. If everything Misty's told me about them is true, that's the most persistent bunch to have ever existed. But I'm sure it's nothing my buddy can't handle, right Scorch?

Scorch blasts a flamethrower into the air.

Mew: So now what?

Mike: I guess we head home. We came here to tell Scorch about the hunters, and I was gonna stay, but it looks like they've got it under control—

At that moment, a chirping sound is heard coming from Scorch's direction. He looks at his left wrist, donned with a special electronic bracelet making the sound.

Knuckles: What's that?

Mike: It's… it's one of the pagers I gave my team before we split up. Either Misty somehow got mine working or one of the others is trying to call Scorch. Can you pick it up?

Scorch taps a button on the bracelet, and a hologram of Misty is projected from it.

Scorch: Rrr?

Misty: Hi, Scorch! I thought I'd check in and see how everything's going over there!

Mew flies over to Scorch and lands on his shoulder, facing the Misty hologram.

Mew: Going just fine! Turns out the hunters were your old buddies.

Misty: What old buddies?

Mew: Team Rocket.

Misty raises an eyebrow, and stares blankly at Mew. A few seconds pass before she finally responds.

Misty: I'm not sure whether to apologize for your having to go through that or bang my head against the wall to stop the incoming flashbacks.

Mew: Don't bother, those have a habit of showing up no matter what you do.

Misty: Anyway, is Mike nearby?

Mike walks over to Charizard and Mew, into Misty's sight.

Mike: I'm here, Mis. What's up?

Misty: So everything's good? Took care of the idiots and Scorch can look after himself?

Mike: Yeah, but… I have to ask. The pager. How the hell did you get that damn thing to work?

Misty smirks.

Misty: Do you really want to know?

Mike: … yeah?

The others anticipate what's coming and begin slowly backing away.

Misty: Alright. You asked for it.

Mike: … no…

Misty: I charged it.

Mike: …

Not a single eye doesn't widen at that moment. The look of terror creeps across the faces of all around him: Scorch, Charlotte, Knuckles, Mew, and Wario. The only one spared the forthcoming rampage is Misty, who was smart enough to hang up at that exact moment. The dilemma is now where the anger will be directed. The rage is building with nowhere to go, and thus it festers, becoming deadlier by the second. No one has asked him a stupid question this time, no one dares mention anything. Anything at all. The first syllable uttered will no doubt bring upon the group mass chaos and disorder.

In the meantime, the angry bar owner can only stand there, staring, fists clenched, shaking just slightly enough to raise concern and keep the others in the dark as to what exactly will happen soon. However, smarts among the group are not all created equal. For there is one among the crowd who is just stupid enough to make the one fatal mistake-to create a sonic vibration using the power of his voice. And if you've made one guess as to whom this poor soul is, the odds are you've likely made the correct one.

Wario: Dumbass.

Mike slowly turns around, glaring at Wario so evilly, even Knuckles is scared.

Knuckles: Hey, Wario? Do you think you could possibly fart in front of Mike real quick?

---

Epilogue

---

An hour has passed since the great nuclear chain in the Mystic Ruins. The bar is a little quieter tonight, as no in-house entertainment is scheduled. The few patrons occupying the premises seem to be content watching the establishment's many televisions. Behind the bar, Wario has resumed his bartending duties, a task he normally shares with his fellow co-owner, not yet returned from their latest trip. Sitting at the bar, from left to right facing Wario, are Mew, Knuckles, Sonic, Misty, Leon, and Wolf. You'll find it's times like this where someone among the group likes to tell an exaggerated version of the first recap that comes to mind. In this case…

Leon: Then what happened?

Knuckles: Wario here was stupid enough to provoke the guy. Thankfully, Mew used Barrier just in time to put a forcefield around us and protect us from the atomic blast.

Wolf: All because of a stupid pager?

Knuckles: I almost sympathize with Mike. If he'd just plugged the damn thing into the charger, we could have avoided the flight, train, Team Rocket, the hot spring of death, and spent the whole time sleeping and drinking. I say "almost" because he probably feels stupid about it, but it serves him right.

Wario: I guess some people have certain triggers that set them off. Like Mike and his pager, or Misty and her face.

The other patrons in the restaurant immediately look towards the bar after hearing a loud crashing sound. Turns out it's been caused by Wario being thrown into the back wall, slowly sliding down until ungracefully landing.

Leon: You two idiots deserve each other, you know that?

Sonic: I dunno, if I didn't know any better, I'd say Mike might have some competition from the guy on the floor.

Misty: SHUT UP OR YOU'RE NEXT, QUILLS!

Sonic: Okay, okay. Geez.

Knuckles: Heh.

Wolf: So where's the hothead now?

Mew: Well, Scorch fire blasted him until he fainted. When he came to, he apologized for exploding, and we got ready to leave. I decided I'd had enough of complicated travel, so I just teleported us all back here. Mike decided he'd rather fly Scorch back.

Misty: Why?

Leon: "Quills…?"

Mew: Old times' sake, I guess.

Misty: Even though it took you guys hours to get there, flying in a jet? It'll take days if he flies on Scorch! I swear, the moron…

Sonic: I get it, though. The guy hasn't seen one of his best friends in a long time, and he told me they used to fly together all the time. I think getting to relive that will be good for him.

Misty: I hope so…

---

Days later, in the skies above the ocean, a Charizard carrying its trainer is making its final approach to a city slowly appearing over the horizon. The buildings are unmistakable, the water losing its blue color, the scent of industrialism and pizza becoming stronger by the second. The beast roars triumphantly, ready to make its grand entrance and show the city ahead it's here. On its back, its rider can't help but smile as happy days of yore are coming back to him. Maybe they'll stay together a little longer in the city this time around. After all, the majestic Pokémon has its own living arrangements at the top of one of the tallest buildings in the area.

As they near New Donk City, Mike and Scorch exchange friendly glances, recalling past adventures, recognizing their mutual growth, and looking forward to the continuing encounters they'll share time and time again.

Scorch: *points to wrist* Rar?

Mike: No. As soon as we get back, I'm throwing that goddamn thing away.

---

To be continued…

---

2018