A montage of an owl flying around a giant house while a bunch of girls act a fool plays as peppy, upbeat music starts

Flying through the crowded halls

Dodging girls like ping pong balls

Just to reach the newspaper on time (hey, hey, hey)

Soaring over laundry piles

Diapers you can smell for miles

Bird's gotta do what he can to survive

In the Owl House

It's the Owl House

1 bird 10 girls

Wouldn't trade it for the world.

Hootie Owl, famous for fronting 90s rock band Hootie and the Blowfish, sits on a perch in the living room of the Owl House as Lola and Lana Owl engage in an epic battle of tug'o'war with a teddy bear. "It's mine," Lola says.

"No, it's mine," Lana retorts.

Hootie rises up on his hind legs and flaps his wings. "Hooo hoo!"

"But, Hootie," both girls say in unison.

"Hooo!"

Lana makes a sound of disgust in the back of her throat. "Fine," she says and releases the bear, "you have it."

"Yay," Lola says and hugs the bear to her chest.

Just then, Luz Owl comes through the door with their grandfather, Pop-Pop in tow. "Look who's here," Luz sings.

Pop-Pop lives in Florida but had flown up for a visit. With him, he has a suitcase, a duffle bag, and a female owl. He sits the owl on the coffee table and everyone comes to hug Pop-Pop. Hootie stared at the owl for a moment, then darted his eyes quickly away.

Luz comes over, leans back against the wall beside Hootie's perch, and crosses her arms. "She's kind of cute, huh?" she says of the owl. "She doesn't move very much but eh. Want me to introduce you?"

Hootie shakes his head.

"Oh, don't be shy," Luz says. She grabbed Hootie, tucked him under one arm, and carries him over. He struggles to escape her clutches, but she's strong. She sets him in front of the owl, who stands tall and still, eyes fixed on a point above Hootie's head. Hootie immediately jumps off the table and waddles away in fear. Lynn Owl Jr. comes over and stands next to Luz. "Huh, what's with him?" Lynn asked.

"I dunno," Luz said. "I guess he's even more shy than I thought. I really want to set him up with this owl, though." Her face lights up. "I have an idea."

Later on, Hootie is perched on the couch and watching TV. Luz and Lynn's heads appear over the back of the couch. Luz carefully sits the unmoving female owl next to Hootie. Hootie is so engrossed in his show that he doesn't realize he isn't alone until Luz clears her throat. Hootie sees the owl, jumps a foot, and flies off. Luz and Lynn both watch him go. "I've never seen him fly so fast," Lynn marveled.

"He looks like he saw a ghost," Luz said worriedly. "He's been away from other owls so much that he doesn't know how to connect wiith them." A look of determination crosses Luz's face and she brings her fist down on her open palm. "We have to try harder."

No matter what they did, however, Hootie dashed off in a panic. They made a big dinner for Hootie and his friend, but as soon as Hootie saw her, he screeched and ran off, waddling like a brown little penguin. Luz found him hiding under an end table and covering his eyes with his wings. "Come on, boy," Luz urged, "she won't bite. She doesn't do much of anything. She's the strong, silent type." She nudged Hootie with her elbow, and he shook.

Hmmm.

This calls for drastic measures.

Not knowing what else to do, Luz jumped to her feet, went over to the table, and grabbed the female bird. She spun around and Hootie's eyes widened. "You're going to fall in love with her whether you like it or not." Holding the bird out, she ran toward Hootie. Hootie gave a high pitched scream and flew away. Luz gave chase, jumping onto the coffee table, leaping to the couch, and balancing herself on the back. "Love her! LOVE HER!"

She finally got Hootie in a cortner. He spread his wings against the wall and looked for some means of escape, but there was none. Horror filled his eyes and he trembled slightly. Luz lunged at him and pressed the female owl's beak to his like a little girl making her Ken and Barbie "kiss." Hootie screamed and tried to fight the owl off. "You're going to marry her and make lots of owl babies," Luz said through her teeth.

When someone spoke behind her, she stopped. "What are you doing?"

Lisa, the genius of the family, gaped at the scene before her. "What is this?"

"I'm hooking Hootie up with Pop-Pop's pet owl," Luz said.

"You goddamn idiot, that owl's taxidermied!"

Luz raised one eyebrow.

"Stuffed," Lisa clarified, "it's stuffed."

Oh.

Uh…

"Like, as in…"

Lisa sighed. "You've been trying to hook him up with a dead body."

Hootie shook and wept in the corner, clearly traumatized. Luz looked from him to the bird in her hands. Wow, how did she miss that? No wonder the old girl wasn't moving. She uttered a nervous laugh and hid the corpse behind her back. "Sorry about that." She stuck out one leg...then ran off.

Hootie had nightmares for weeks afterward.

THE END