"Woah, woah, watch out, someone's crossing the road!"
"I KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!" Bruce shouted.
"No, no, it's fine, you can kill him," Tony said.
"I know we're a murder group, but do you think we should be killing just anyone? Oh- oh you've already run him over..." Steve said.
"He's not just anyone..." Tony said darkly.
The guy they had run over got up again.
"I'm fine!" he called, giving everyone a thumbs up. He then noticed Tony and pointed a finger at him. "YOU!"
"YOU!" Tony yelled back, and got out of the car. Everyone followed him out too.
"Who is that?" Clint asked.
"Wade fucking Wilson," Tony explained. "He's in charge of another 'murder gang'."
"Oh are you part of a murder gang too now, Tony?" Wilson asked.
"Yeah, and we're a hell of a lot better than your X-Force."
"Wanna bet on that?"
"We have a Russian spy and you have a what-?" Tony began.
Wilson shot Natasha. "What Russian spy?"
"NO! NAT!" Clint shrieked.
"Relax, Clint. I'm fine, I always wear bulletproof stuff underneath my clothes," Nat said.
"Damnit!" Wilson yelled.
"Wow, see how weak you are?" Tony said.
"I'm not as weak as... That guy there. Why the fuck is he even on your team? He looks like he's allergic to water," Wilson pointed to Steve.
"I'm allergic to everything," Steve shrugged.
"See?!"
"Then kill him," Tony said.
"No!" Bucky defended.
"Not right now, I'm gonna go buy a fuck ton of peanuts and dump them on top of him," Wade said. "Seriously, you could just touch him and he'd die. How has he survived into adulthood?"
He then disappeared.
"He seems cool," Clint said. "Can he join the Avengers?"
"No, he's part of his own team," Tony said. "Plus he's annoying."
"Damn, okay," Clint said sadly.
"Um, Buck, why is there a truck full of peanuts coming towards us?" Steve asked.
"Wow, the man really keeps his word. We should get out of here," Bucky replied, pulling Steve away.
"Hey," said some guy with long black hair. He was smiling and looking right into Tony's eyes.
"Hello?" Tony replied. "Do I know you?"
"No. I'm Loki," Loki said.
"Tony."
"I know. What are your pronouns?"
"Uh, he/him. You?"
"I'm okay with any."
"Cool."
"So, this place is nice. But you know any even nicer place? You and I alone together."
"That's not really a place."
Loki laughed. "But it's a nice situation."
"Okay, first of all, are you trying to murder me or fuck me?"
Loki blinked innocently. "Why would I want to murder you?"
"Because lots of people have tried to kill me in my life."
"Well rest assured, I'm just trying to hit on you, nothing sinister."
"Okay well it's still a no for being alone together."
Loki looked annoyed, and then he got out a dagger and tried to stab Tony, but Tony grabbed onto Loki's wrist before the dagger could touch him. With his other hand, Loki tried to stab Tony with another dagger, but again Tony blocked him.
Loki angrily flicked his hair out of his face.
"You want a hair tie, buddy?" Tony asked. "Because I could get you one. I think it would definitely make things easier for you."
"What? No!" Loki freed his wrists and tried to stab again, but he failed, and when he freed himself again he just ran off.
Later, Tony found Loki trying to stab Natasha now.
"You again!" Tony yelled.
"Hello, Tony," Loki replied smoothly.
"Who sent you?" Tony asked. If he was trying to kill another Avenger, well there was only one person who actually knew the Avengers were a thing so far, so Tony had a pretty good idea who sent Loki, but he still asked.
"No one," Loki said, in the middle of fist-fighting with Natasha.
"You sure about that?" Tony asked. "Was it X-Force?"
"I don't even know who that is."
"Sure you don't."
"Anyway, I should go," Loki knocked Nat to the ground and fled.
"Bye," Tony waved as Loki disappeared from view.
Natasha got up again, and brushed herself off.
A fluffy cat jumped through the window and started shedding all over the place.
A few minutes later, Bucky and Steve arrived.
"Guys, people keep trying to kill us- Wait, why are there so many cats in here? STEVE! DON'T GO OVER THERE YOU'RE GONNA GET AN ASTHMA ATTACK!" Bucky yelled. "I swear I'm way more of a parent to you than a lover..."
"I don't know, the cats just started jumping through the window," Nat explained. "It's possibly Wade trying a new weird way to kill Steve."
Steve was still in the pile of cats, coughing.
"OH MY GOD, YOU IDIOT! GET OUT NOW!" Bucky yelled. "YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"
"No, no, I think I'll stay. This feels like the best way to go," Steve said calmly, well as calmly as he could whilst dying.
"STEVE!" Bucky pulled Steve out of the pile and gave him an inhaler whilst he dragged him away.
Tony appeared with a piece of paper and then walked outside.
"Where are you going?" Nat asked.
"I'm sending a letter to X-Force," Tony explained, and showed it to her. It basically said that they should stop their petty attempts at murder and the Avengers and X-Force should meet properly and have a battle.
"Okay, and what do we do with the cats?"
"I don't know, give them food?"
Nat sighed, but she went to the kitchen and looked for some meat.