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I am that wasted with my arm dragging along the back of the staircase that I don't even take a second look into the accommodation of my new friend. Instead, I continue to messily snog him, listening to the instructions of my body as I try to tear off his clothes and follow him into a dark room. I don't even think, like the fucking idiot I am, as I quickly help the guy out of his fabrics.

Let me just put this here; when I said before that sex was fun...l meant with the right person.

The guy kind of knew what he was doing- which was nice because the thought of stealing his virginity made me feel sick- and yet he was so lost, and I so drunk, that even when I continued to throw myself at him, there was little to suggest he was capable of rising to the challenge. The stranger himself stood at an average kind of height: tall enough to have me straddle him on the bed without much discomfort. He also seemed a little smug in the face which likely suggest naivity... but not complete inexperience. Regardless, he seemed fascinated in my breasts which only added to the whole excitement, especially when his expression greedily lit up once I freed them for viewing.

That was never unflattering. The underwear was a good call too, I decide as I dramatically part with them. I'd have to thank Carlisle later.

Then it starts to get awkward.

I pull the condom from my bag, tear it carefully and part-take in a little foreplay. The lad has a piercing on his foreskin that the latex almost gets caught on at first but as he eagerly moves in my grip, it slips and settles comfortably around his shaft. This only serves me more purpose. I had never really had sex with a guy with a piercing before and I love to learn….

So thanks to the drinking, and my horrific decisions, my brain is fuzzed enough that we can pretty much get into it without much oiling...

Initially, we start with me on top before I switch it round so that I'm in an awkward reverse cowgirl position, (barely aware of the metal in his dick) and the more the asshole speaks, the dryer I get.

'Talk dirty.' He begs, grasping at my hips with needy fingers till I fall back onto him with an unfortunate clap. To the wall, I make a face of disgust that he can't see.

In my quest to find the orgasm through sex, I had a serious hunch that my current endeavours would end in yet another failed night of unfound treasures.

But I'm nothing if not thorough. This meaning, (I don't know why and I fucking kick myself thinking about it), I awkwardly follow his plea.

'Oh?' I murmur before clearing my throat. 'Urm…yeah? That's so…good...'

'More!' he demands, throwing his head back and arching his groin in a particularly sharp angle.

Kill me. Fucking kill me. It's not good, it's not even nice. It's just weird!

'Keep talking, Baby.'

I hold the bile in my throat, fighting to ignore whatever he's doing with my downstairs which is pretty hard to do considering how desperate he is to narrate our time together.

When I talk again, I do so noisily, fighting for my voice to be louder than his. I didn't consider myself a sex-kitten, nor a sultry Goddess of the bedroom, I simply knew that if I resigned myself to his audio, I might never get off again.

Urgh, what an end to a promising evening.

'Don't…stop. Um, uh huh...Keep going.' I can physically feel myself sobering up from the taste of my own disgust.

'You like that, don't you?' he groans, thrusting harder, skin slapping together. He moves a hand upwards towards my chest, roaming desperately. It was no use, I was less than amused now and slap his hands away only to realise he has now placed them on his waist like an 80s Porn star.

A numerous collection of women including myself would've found it easier to get off to rubbing alcohol than this toilet brush.

'Man… I like… that?' What a horrific judgement call, I think, as he pounds cloddishly into me. What the fuck is this Moron doing?! I just needed to get it done with. Let him climax and escape while there was time left in the evening to drink. 'I like that…. A lot?'

I grasp the bottom of the bed for a bit of support as he slams into me for the fourth time. Like what the fuck? Am I having sex with the guy or is he trying to send me through the ceiling?! Sit the fuck down.

'I'm so close.' He suddenly cries out of fucking nowhere.

Honestly, I wasn't even on the right path to close and with my poor fucking vagina being punched to shreds, I was pleased to have an excuse to leave. I am not literally facing him though, this is awkward enough as it is without having to suffer that face.

And that's when I see it. On the set of drawers opposite me there are several photographs... of a family?

It hits me.

And my lack of arousal plummets to new depths.

I'm fucking the guy...in his parent's bed... Hell to the nahhh-way.

He groans in my ear, pulling me onto him awkwardly, fingering my bare back. At this point I'm starting to feel sick, trying to ignore the family photos, trying not to vomit, trying to just get this over and done with... When the unthinkable happens.

Simultaneously, and I mean simultaneously, his parents come through the door, see my petite little frame astride the genitals of their son, tits on display, legs spread and as that happens, I feel a very, painful sting at my opening followed none other than his release from the inside of said-petite-frame.

The horrified mother hurries out the door with a gasp as he shamelessly grasps my hip, unaware of our exposure. He doesn't even notice my cry is one of genuine pain and not pleasure. I'm holding back the groan in my chest as I jump off him as quick as fucking possible.

Pain. Just pure hot fire in my legs and not the nice kind.

There's too many things confusing my drunk brain so I do the first thing I can think of and put my hands between my thighs.

Red.

Ew.

'You're on your period?!' He yells, disgusted, jumping away from me at speed.

I'm in so much pain right now; the sensitive skin has to be inflamed and so bloody sore I have to stop myself from screaming like an idiot.

'No you bastard, you made me bleed!'

Oh

Shit.

I am actually going to vomit.

The ugly condom sits on his flaccid self, folded at the top from that stupid ridiculous shitty piercing and very slightly stained with pink. I sway on my feet, holding in my wretch. If the condom broke... That assholes junk is inside me.

'I'm going to the bathroom!' I say quickly, grabbing all my stuff and speeding into it, avoiding all members of the house. I'm trying to not hyperventilate as I sit on the toilet seat, looking to see if I've done any more damage because it sure as hell feels like it.

It's almost as if someone fused an iron and a curling tong together and used the hottest part of the metal to singe the very opening of my legs. Let me just announce this, I don't do well with pain... I freak the fuck out at taking pills. Pain and me do not make a forgivable cocktail.

After taking several heavy breaths in case I do vomit, I grab my phone, dialing with shaky hands because for now, the alcohol I had is my enemy where I'm seeing double. At this moment, I'm selfishly just going to ignore the time on the bathroom wall which is very early... too early if I'm being honest, still an emergency is an emergency.

'Hello?' He sounds groggy, maybe a little breathless.

'Did I wake you?!'

Wait, why am I concerned?! Focus on yourself, Esme.

'No…no, I'm awake'

Blatant lie but I appreciate it anyway.

'I need to ask a huge favour….'

'Why are you whispering?'

I find myself frowning in the reflection of the bathroom mirror as I hurriedly wash what I can. Why does he think one in the morning is the best time for your normal voice?!

'You're whispering!' I accuse, defensively.

Urgent situation, vagina on fire!

He clears his throat and speaks normally: 'Sure, what's up?'

There's a yawn in the background but I can hear him shuffling about, ready to move. I feel like a fucking child. This shit is embarrassing as hell.

'Can you come and get me?' Again.

Pause. Always good in this sort of situation, thanks...

''Course. Where are you?!' He sounds a little concerned now but I can hear the car keys jangling by the receiver, I sigh with relief. As much of a fucking Saint the guy is, he is still a thousand percent dependable.

I give him the address and pull my clothes back on with difficulty, keeping the door locked.

The asshole doesn't even knock on the door to see if I'm okay so that's just fine, too.

God, I hate Freshmen! He's probably getting told off but his mother as I wait…eugh.

It doesn't take long for the Saviour's sleek car to pull up on the side of the street and because there's no way in hell I'm facing some pervert parents let alone him, I decide to escape out the window. I don't unlock the door, because that's something the bastard will have to deal with when I'm not there. A shit attempt at revenge.

Although he looks mainly concerned, there's a smirk playing on Carlisle's pouting lips as I heave the passenger door shut. He hesitates momentarily, smoothly bringing the car to life while peeking at me from the corner of his inquisitive blue orbs.

His self control, while faultless, is not as well trained as his attention to detail. Nor, as it so happens, his ability to suss out the wit of a situation.

'Any particular reason why you exited via the drainpipe rather than through the door like the average guest?'

I turn to see him focused in the road, smile itching on his lip. He looks tired, always will given his career choice, but hasn't pushed the interest as much as he clearly would like to. He's far too polite. And despite his confidence under the disguise of the shadows, he is naturally far too shy, as well.

I'm starting to wonder how he got to me so fast if he drove this slow. Thank God he wasn't a paramedic. Patients wouldn't trust his sense of urgency, even if he did look like magazine feature.

'I would have…' I say guardedly, trying to not fidget. Holy hell I'm in agony. '...If his parents weren't at home…'

He winces for me which I appreciate. What I did not appreciate was the laughter that accompanied it. I shoot him a glare.

'Did you wanna tell me what happened?'

It's a genuine question. He'd never push me into it, he wouldn't know how to. I sigh groggily, trying to hide the hiss of pain. His blue eyes catch mine and furrow with confusion.

'Can we stop at the Drugstore?!' I ask instead, attempting to conceal my look of pain. Unfortunately, a: he's a good reader and b: I'm a shit liar. With a nod, he casually pulls into the free parking space outside the bright lights of the open-all-hours sign, setting his face to neutral. I'm starting to regret the whole bloody night, particularly if he's fighting composure on it.

Well….I actually started regretting it earlier but this is just rubbing salt into sore wounds…. Very, very sore wounds. Honestly how can one piercing hurt so much?!

'Would you like me to come with you?' He asks, taking the keys from ignition.

I sigh again, clenching my legs together that little tighter in case I leak blood on his fancy car seats. It isn't a nice thought in itself but lets just ignore that point and focus on the free pills Cullen can get me.

'Only if you get a doctors discount?'

He follows me into the shop, casually lagging behind with a hand on the door though I'm sure it's because he doesn't trust my drunken legs to not give out on me. His eyebrows are raised in that intrigued curve and because Cullen is exceptionally bright, he's keeping a safe distance. He can sense I'm a little pissed (in both senses), he's staying out of my way.

Again, I don't know why I do it considering the outrageous burning in my lady parts, I guess I'm an optimist. I throw a box of rubbers on the counter and delicately ask for 'option b' or whatever the heck it is. I'm trying to keep my voice low but Cullen hears me nevertheless and pulls me away.

'Es? You're on the pill, you don't need Levonorgestrel?'

I glare at him, trying to shut him up. Honestly did he have to be so loud?! Did he want to shout it a bit louder? The dogs in Manhattan who didn't hear.

'I know.' I mutter throwing my arms across my bust, trying to ignore the urge to sulk as my poor bloody insides burn like hell.

'Did you use a condom?' He asks, genuinely confused, pink in his cheeks as if I've just pinched the skin there.

It's annoying that he decides now to feel less embarrassed about this kind of crap. Especially considering the look on his face when he had prescribed the damn thing. That's probably not fair, being at work he was actually very calm. It was only once he got home that I discovered his inability look at me without blushing scarlet. For now, he's fiddling with the car keys, tapping them in his palm to a beat.

'Obviously but it…' I eye the person at the counter before looking back to my flatmate 'Split…'

Stupid, shitty piercings!

'You'll be fine…' He tries to reassure though it's a bit late now.

'I'm not taking any chances!' I refute stubbornly.

In fact, I was already mentally booking an appointment for the local Sexual Health Clinic. I was starting to need a loyalty card, the staff recognised me by name. Not because I was stupid enough to cause myself serious trouble. More that I was so paranoid should it happen that I got checked really regularly. As should most people. At 23, I was the proud title bearer of not so much as a hickey.

See, sex can be enjoyable even when it's not being paraded about on a dinner plate.

My flatmate's smile flattens a little and rubbing the locks at his collar, he angles his attention back to the Pharmacist. Paying for the damn pill makes me even angrier however because not only does he in fact not have a discount to cover certain luxuries, though he does attempt to pay for it, it's a good $30 out of my pocket…and I needed fuel!

He's looking very, very confused though he doesn't argue with me.

I need to appreciate the fact that not only did he come rescue me from my stupid mistake, he also did so early in the morning and without hesitation. I sigh, following him back to the car, hating the damn judgement from the cashier.

'See if the pill is 98% effective then there's a two percent possibility of me being fucked over completely.' His blue eyes hold mine and he slows to match my waddling pace with no comment. 'The condom would have covered that two percent but because that split, I'm left vulnerable.'

He looks like he wants to argue my explanation but doesn't just yet, he holds out the passenger door for me, frowning when I fall with complaint into the seat.

'So I'm going to be super safe and take the lever-never-whatever.'

'Levonorgestrel?' He offers, apparently rediscovering his humour as he now settles into the driver's seat. He clicks his seatbelt into place noisily and waits for me to do the same. 'We both know percentages don't work that way.'

I wince again as I move too quickly, groaning very loudly this time so that his smirk falls to worry.

'Are you okay?' He has his hands raised with no idea where to put them. I take a large breath and fidget with my hands.

'Cullen, I need to ask you another favour….'

I look shyly at him beneath my lashes. Why on earth I think it's a great idea to ask my flatmate for help, and this kind of intimate help, is beyond me but he is a Doctor…at least in training… And you could certainly hold him to a secret. He kept all of Edward's over the years.

'Of course.'

I gulp, loudly. I mean, it's not like he's going to freak out is it? It's not a weird thing to ask?

'C-can you…check my….' I point. It's unlike me to be without my words. Even drunk this kind of behaviour is super embarrassing. Maybe it is a bit odd.

For once, I have never seen the guy so animated.

'What on earth for?!' He asks in panic, his mellow and measured voice breaking all codes of controlled conduct when it hits the fucking ceiling in manner of fear.

'I'm bleeding.' I say quickly. The face he gives me suggests I'm an idiot. 'And not intentionally.' I add referring of course to Mother Nature's recent travels.

He looks like he's seen a ghost, he's pale as hell, visibly shaken and is fighting for words I can't give.

'I think his piercing ripped my…skin…' I say delicately, hiding away from his confusion.

'What?'

Just like a flick of a switch, I'm suddenly angry once again.

'Look, you're the only doctor I know, are you going to check it out for me or not?!'

It's his turn to gulp now and I'm really starting to hate myself that little bit more as I wait for his reply.

'Can't I just drive you to the emergency room?!' His voice is weak, feeble like.

'Heck no!' I yell, jumping in my seat and regretting it. 'They'll shove a huge plastic contraption up there and I'll be completely barren for the rest of my life!'

Barren is not the word I'm after but it's the only one I can fit into place. He cringes very visibly, sensing my pain before taking a large sigh.

'But I'm not a gynecologist! Let alone a real doctor, yet.' He rubs the subtle wrinkle on his forehead, wiping his fringe away with a guilty, perturbed cringe on his warning face. Surely if anyone should be blushing, it should be me? 'Esme, it would be immoral of me.'

I roll my eyes, barely noticing that it is 110% unlike him to be so dramatic.

'I'm not asking for an expert. I just wanna know if I'm going to be okay?'

Then he does something so weird for him, I genuinely start to question who the fuck I called and if it really is my flatmate.

He starts to hit his forehead with admirable precision against the head of the steering wheel, groaning like a child. I'd never seem him so adverse. It was almost offensive. There was honestly no point in such a move. Honestly, what could be that wrong with my vagina?! It was perfectly neat. Well trimmed too... I even did kegel exercises sometimes!

Or was it just not on his menu? Gosh even still, he must be like really closeted gay to be that affronted. I try not to be offended as I watch him carefully, hit his head again, again, again and again, the same spot on his forehead repeatedly.

Unfortunately, the point still stood. Who else was I going to ask?

It almost sounds like a growl when he spins to me, sighs loudly and concedes; 'Fiiiiine'.

'Thank –you.' I sing quickly, still feeling somewhat irritated that he would not think to tell me after all these years. Four years! I mean, surely a doctor would be far more professional but nope, apparently even the mention of vagina has him out in hives. Huh, and I thought he was just shy… Not just closeted gay fucking Narnia closet gay?

There's a few restful moments of silence as he drives back home, his expression almost calmed though his hands fidget on the wheel. Poor guy, he'd finally felt comfortable talking to me before I'd outed him.

'Did Edward get home alright?' I ask, still feeling really bloody sore, in both lady bits and pride but at least I had all I needed.

This perks him up again.

'Oh yeah.' He says with a smile 'He definitely got home alright.'

As indicated earlier. Carlisle is too shy to gossip and so hearing him say this really throws me.

'He got laid?!'

What a fucking surprise.

But he shakes his head. 'No, no…Well, I guess you'll find out.'

Of course not. Shouldn't have expected something so lewd from the abstinent twins over here. Even though Edward couldn't even try to deny his perceptibly to women attracted to him. Cullen might be oblivious, Edward was most certainly not. My curiosity burns like hell but I let it lie as a nice surprise when I get home. I would need a pick me up. Especially at someone else's expense other than mine.

Though I'm hoping he didn't get into another fight. I mean, he's not a fighter anyway but one time- Cullen's looking at me, isn't he? I can feel him curiously watching me out of the corner of his eye. He's always curious. I sigh loudly.

'Ugh, if you really wanna know that bad!' I complain, glaring at him. The smile he gives me relaxes my face into a sultry pout. We weren't really big talkers, we never really needed to be. So it was genuinely quite nice to see him visibly interested…it was just annoying that it meant exposing myself as a dumbass.

'I'm sorry,' he says guiltily but his mind still wonders and his teeth still pinch his lip.

'I exited out the window because I didn't want to see his parents after they caught us deep in the throes of passion in their bed.'

Passion. Ha. I'd had more passion from my vibrator…which to be fair didn't seem like a bad thing to be attached to at the moment.

I watch his face contort painfully.

'You can laugh.' I growl, folding my arms over my chest again. Of course, I will kill him for it…

'Oh Es,' he's biting his bottom lip to stop from bursting out. That only pissed me off more. Either laugh or don't. Don't pretend to feel sorry for me. 'Didn't you check out the décor? It doesn't even look like a student house…'

Hitting me on my own turf was a low blow. I groan and let my head fall back to the headrest. 'For once, I wasn't really focusing on the wallpaper!' I huff grumpily.

He pushes his lips together again, scowling at the road in another attempt to keep from laughing. He was meant to be the shy one! What the hell had Alice put in his juice?!

'Fuck it, I'm done. No more men for me.' I decide, shaking my head as if to dismiss their foolishness at foreskin piercings... yuck. He fights the smirk bubbling on his mouth until eventually he gives in and lets it stay.

'I doubt you'll stick to that….'

Okay, now that definitely wasn't the sort of thing he would normally say. What the hell?!

'No, I will.' I insist haughtily. 'I'm only getting with women from now on.' I reply, determinedly. He raises an evocative eyebrow at me.

'And how is that going to work?'

Really?! You're apparently the gay one?!

'You really need me to explain that?' I question, matching the raised eyebrow. He chuckles, shaking his head gently.

'I mean, you're hardly bisexual... let alone a lesbian.'

Okay, since when was he keeping tabs on me?

... at all our house parties, I imagine. Some of those had been... messy to say the least.

'True…' I amend quietly, nodding. Far too much alcohol tonight, far too much pain and not nearly enough excitement.

He parks his hot-as-hell car outside the house, following on my heels as I bound up the porch steps, eager to be hidden in the privacy of our home.

'Did you need me to start running a bath?'

Now safe on our own carpet, I throw my heels on the sofa, pausing briefly on the stairs to look behind at him. Perhaps he felt bad for laughing at me, maybe he was just trying not to get on my bad side. Particularly when he was stomping on my hopes for the future. Nevertheless, he looked as genuine as ever. A bath was needed and with any hope, it might make me feel a bit better.

'That would be great, actually' I say, smiling. I wanted to wash every inch of tonight off of my skin.

So grabbing a t-shirt, I accompany Cullen into the bathroom, of which he is so eager to show me for reasons didn't give a shit about-

I take that back.

Edward has his head in the toilet bowl, trying to hurl up the remnants of this afternoon's kitchen mess into the ceramic white while pretty much ruining the fresh scent of the cleaned shitter. For fuck sake, we only had one bathroom.

And yet on the other hand, it was definitely nice to see someone else regret their decisions for tonight. I pat him awkwardly on the shoulder as he continues to hurl, spraying the air freshener at him while he groans. I was naturally a selfish being and bubble bath could only do so much.

Cullen is smiling. He seemed to be pleasantly delighted in being taken away from studying tonight and even more delighted that I was amused by his surprise but then I guess everyone had their breaking point and Carlisle had been looking out for Edward since childhood. This was probably a nice little bit of ammunition on offer in case either of us needed it.

He tests the bath water by swirling his hand in a figure of eight, letting the bubbles rumble up. Then he grabs a clean bucket from under the sink and soaking it with fresh disinfectant, he gently pats Edward's back.

'Come on, Kid, enough of Bella, back to bed.'

He's referring to the intangible conversation Edward is keeping up with the girl from the yoga class. I'm more focused about the fact I want to have a bath alone rather that the teenager had a crush.

Edward groans again. I laugh until he, eventually in his drunken state, lets Cullen lead him back to his own room.

'I'll see you in my room' Carlisle murmurs softly, offering a shy smile before shutting the door closed with an air of finality. You did have to feel sorry for him in one respect, it must suck always babying the two of us.