Nearly forget this update everyone, sorry! We took our 94 or so students on adventure day today. And 14 hours later I finally arrived home, very sore. Worked with the rock climbers and now everything hurts. Kudos to my brother (in-law) who is a leader at the camp site who just laughed at me at the end of the day. So thanks to Junko for the kick up the backside and reminder.

Hilary: Sorry I forgot to reply to your review on a previous chapter, you reviewed as a guest so I can't respond personally - but in answer to your question; I'm actually looking forward to Gabby going back to Ambo. Whilst I've loved her as a firefighter I think she is good as the PIC, and emotionally I think it would be better for both her and Matt for her not to serve under Matt. Just my two cents.

And to everyone who as reviewed thank you very much. Hope you enjoy this ~Em

Week Eight

~ Candidate is about the size of a raspberry ~

"Babe?" Gabby called as she rushed up the stairs, trying to finish packing her bag for work. After their last shift, she had completely emptied out her bag intent on replacing all of the items that she normally carried, she liked to do it every so often. Unfortunately, she had dumped it in their downstairs family area and baby brain had kicked in and she had forgotten all about it. Some days she thought that this house had been much too big for only the two of them. They rattled around it in most of the time, once their children were older it would be ok, there would be plenty of room for them to grow up and play and have their own space. But right now, Gabby was sure that she could actually close the lower level off.

"Matt? We're going to be late! I'm sure that Chief won't take it too well - one of his lieutenants turning up late, especially if we are either late for or even miss roll call." Standing in the kitchen she craned her neck trying to figure out where Matt could possibly be. "Matt!"

Matt came storming down the stairs with a very empty bag too. "Did you empty out my bag too?" he questioned causing Gabby to stop and think hard about it. She remembered taking out everything from her bag, but she didn't remember doing the same for Matt's. "I... I don't… I don't remember," she whimpered, tears starting to form in her eyes, shocking even herself by her sudden emotional outburst.

"Hey, hey," Matt pulled her towards him, wondering that had actually caused this reaction, Gabby was not one for waterworks. "I'm not mad… where's this coming from?"

Blowing out a shaky breath, she wiped a tear from her face. "Hormones… Everything is making me cry," she sniffed. "And I just don't remember where I've put things. I don't even remember what I did with your bag… Matt, I don't remember," breaking down into a fresh set of sobs. Matt gently led her towards a seat, as he fished off his phone from his back pocket. Quickly he fired off a text to Boden, apologising and explaining that they were going to be running late. Placing the phone down, he felt Gabby's hand flailing around, in an attempt to locate comfort from Matt. Turning her around so that her back was up against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her shaking body, letting her cry out everything she was feeling. He had a feeling that over the coming months he was going to be experiences many emotional outbursts, mostly out of nowhere.

"Just hold me, Matt, I don't need anything else," she sobbed as a fresh set of tears overtook her. Every time that Gabby thought she had cried her heart out, another wave would hit it. Matt knew not to say much, over the many years that they had been friends and then developed into something more, Gabby hadn't cried very much. However, the times that she had, Matt had learnt that he just needed to be there for, not saying anything… Definitely, don't try and solve her problems or even offer her advice. Rather Gabby was a strong independent woman, and usually, she just wanted a sounding boarding. But, now it seemed like they were swimming in different waters, her hormones were doing a number on her. But still, he kept her held tight towards himself.

It was at least ten minutes later that Gabby pulled her head off of Matt's firm chest, wiping the tears from her eyes in an attempt to pull herself together. "Everything is just making me cry… I don't even know why I started crying in the first place…" she confessed, sniffing slightly.

Matt gave her a soft smile, brushing the tears that were still pooling in her eyes. "It's okay Gabby," he gently spoke, leaving his fingers ghosting over her cheek. "We can re-pack the bag. Whatever it might have been that was important three days ago to make you unpack the bag, just isn't important now. And that's fine Babe… Do you feel up to work?" he prodded.

Gabby pondered it for a moment, she knew that there was really nothing keeping her at home. She was frustrated with herself about the bag and that she had started to forget things, but overall she didn't feel any different. She was also aware that they needed to tell Boden.

She nodded in response to his question, "Yeah, we should tell Boden this shift too. He needs to know as our, or my superior," she commented as she started to untangle herself from the embrace that Matt had her in. "But Matt," she sat on the edge of the couch, "I still don't want to tell the rest of the house… Not just yet," she finished before disappearing off to refresh herself before work.

Matt stayed seated on the couch thinking back to a conversation they had had not long after they had arrived home from their appointment with Doctor Peterson. Gabby had been so adamant that she didn't want to let the house know about the baby yet. Last time they had wanted to wait a few more weeks before telling everyone, but with a house like 51 nothing ever stayed a secret for long. But it had been different last time, she hadn't been able to stay on Truck, it just wasn't allowed. Gabby had reasoned this time she was already on Ambo, which is one of the options for pregnant firefighters, so there was no need to say anything to their fire family just yet.

It had made for a fairly tense dinner that evening. On what had supposed to have been an exciting time for them, their first dinner knowing that they were going to be parents turned into one that was marred by fear and disagreements. Gabby had allowed fear to overtake her. For her, it did not matter that Doctor Peterson had been able to confirm to them that baby was implanted in the correct spot this time, she still had this overwhelming feeling that something was going to go wrong. She hadn't given herself permission to feel the excitement of their new arrival, well actually any emotions at all. So when Matt had placed the ultrasound of Smudge on the fridge, she had almost immediately torn it back down again. Gabby wouldn't let herself get too attached this time, not when there was still such a high risk of something going wrong.

She had barely spoken during dinner, uttering one or two words only. Once she had finished picking at her meal, she had pushed her plate away from herself, stood and headed for the bedroom. Matt watched as she disappeared up the stairs, still trying to work out what had happened, what was it that had happened from time in the OB/GYN's office when she was over the moon to right now.

*Flashback*

Matt picked up the plates, taking them towards into the kitchen and doing a general clean up of the dinner dishes. Once done, he stopped in front of the chalkboard that was used for important dates and information. He was instantly transported back to Gabby's old apartment when she had first cooked him dinner, it was something that he still couldn't pronounce. A chalkboard that held photos upon photos. Glancing up he pulled the sonogram from his pocket and found a prominent place on the board to place it, tracing around the blob that was his child.

Making up his mind to do something about it, he stormed up the stairs. Too many times in the past he had watched their relationship start to crumble due to their inability to talk about things. Walking into their bedroom, he found Gabby curled up on her side of the bed, something clutched in her hands. Gabby turned over as she felt the bed dip with Matt's weight. Matt glanced down to find another sonogram in Gabby's grasp.

"Hey, talk to me," Matt spoke up, wiping away a tear that was starting its way down her cheek.

"What happens if this doesn't go to plan… Again! What happens if something isn't right?"

"And what happens if everything is going to turn out okay? That in seven months, we'll be sitting in this bed holding our newborn?" he questioned, pulling her into a more upright position.

Gabby gave him a weak smile, scooting herself closer to him leaning her head onto his chest. She brought her hands up to play with the buttons of his shirt, closing her eyes taking in his scent. "I know that it must be scary Gabs, but I really want you to think as positively as you can… Gabby nothing is going to go wrong," he reassured her, his arm going around her shoulder pulling her closer. "It's going to be fine, Smudge is going to be fine. He's a Casey, a fighter," he teased, dropping kisses in her hair.

"He?" she questioned indignantly. "Barely even seven weeks old, and you're giving the baby a complex!" she pulled back slightly to face him, a slight smile beginning to form. "Matt I don't want to tell anyone in the house yet."

"But… Gabby, they are our family," he protested. "We need to tell them. They'll be happy for us."

Gabby adamantly shook her head, pulling back from him completely, any trace of that previous smile gone, "Last time we told them early and Matt, say something happens again I won't be able to cope with the sympathetic glances again. Yes, I would never trade our family, but I just won't be able to cope again. Between the first time and then losing Louie, I just want to keep this to us… Just for now," she looked away.

"What about just Brett? I think she needs to know. She's your partner."

"No," insisted Gabby. "I just want to keep this between us," she firmly told him. Matt sighed slightly. Placing a hand on her knee, he thought for a moment, this was ultimately Gabby's decision. It was her body and she had been the one to physically go through the loss of a baby last time, and if this was something that she wanted then he was going to respect her. Anything to keep the peace.

Matt nodded his head, "Okay," he conceded. "If you want to wait, then we'll wait," he promised as he leant over to kiss her. Gabby pushed him down before swinging herself over him to press a hot kiss on his lips.

*End Flashback*

"So are you ready to tell Boden?" Gabby asked, pulling Matt out of his thoughts. He grinned as she held out her hand, both of their bags over her shoulders.

Casey and Dawson were barely through the door onto the apparatus floor when the speaker announced that Ambo was required on a call. Dawson sighed and passed her bag over to Casey.

"Hey," Casey stopped her, not even bothering who might be watching them. "You look after yourself out there. Be careful," he stared her down before giving her a quick peck on the lips and releasing her.

Dawson was grateful that it was still summer and she didn't need a jacket of sorts, also luckily she had worn her uniform into the house today. Sliding into the passenger's seat she came face to face with Slyvie Brett, a smile upon her face.

"Why weren't we put out of service?" Dawson questioned in greeting, slipping into PIC mode.

"Why were you late?" Brett questioned back, curiosity in her voice.

"We had a bit of a problem at home," Gabby muttered, not willing to elaborate. "Come on, let's go," she ordered.

Casey watched as the Ambo pulled out of the house, sirens starting to blare as it pulled into the traffic. Turning around he found himself face to face with Severide, a smirk upon his face.

"What?" Casey innocently questioned, trying to sidestep Severide. "Sev, I've got stuff to do," he announced as he pushed passed him. As he made his way into the locker room, he wondered what Severide had been up too. It wasn't like him to not just stand and say nothing. But Casey just brushed it off, there were more important things to deal with today. Like how they were going to break their news to the Chief.

It had taken until early evening before Casey and Dawson were able to make their way towards Boden's office. No long after Dawson had arrived back, the entire house had been called out to a large structure fire, and then Ambo had been called out at least another two times. Just after dinner, Dawson had knocked on the doorway into the officer's quarters where Casey sat.

"Hey," she called out. Looking up, he gave her a wide smile welcoming her in. She closed the door behind herself and took a seat on the edge of his bunk. Casey looked around and gave her a slightly confused look, it wasn't too often that she would close the door these days. Normally she would just come in, door be damned. "It's already been a long long shift," she mentioned, "And we've only just managed to have dinner." Matt nodded along with her. The fire half of their relationship had been having a quiet day, having only been called out once for the entire shift. And as usual, Ambo had been in and out of the house many many more times.

For that reason alone, Matt was concerned about her. Whilst CFD had the policy of bumping pregnant firefighters back to Ambo, he was struggling to watch her go out on so many runs during one shift. She may not be running into buildings, but it still an exhausting job, one that he worried about her doing.

"So," she drawled, "There's only been a few quiet moments, and I think we need to tell Boden... Whilst we have a chance." She watched carefully as Casey nodded his head, "And I'm not sure why I've got butterflies about this either," she mentioned.

Casey grinned as he helped her to her feet. Pulling her in for a hug, he whispered into her ear, "Let's do this!"

Boden looked up at two of his officers when he heard the knock on the door. Raising his hand, he waved them in. His brow furrowed as he watched Dawson shut the door behind herself and then reach for Casey's hand. The married couple usually kept themselves completely professional at work, so this was an unusual scene playing out in front of him.

"Chief?" Casey started. He stopped to look at Dawson searching her face, looking for a sign that he was to continue. They hadn't spoken about this, well at least not the details as to who was going to say what. Maybe he should let her be the one that wanted to share their news. Dawson sensing his hesitation squeezed his hand.

Boden looked over at them, removing his glasses and resting his elbows on the desk. "Yes?"

"Well, Chief… We've got some news," Casey continued, waiting as Boden came to rest on the outer side of his desk, eyebrows raised. Taking a deep breath, "Gabby and I are expecting a baby," he let out in a rush.

Silence enveloped the office for a moment, causing Dawson to wonder what he was going to say. Deep down Boden was a big teddy bear, he cared for his men and women that served under him. And Dawson had observed that Boden himself had softened as he himself had become a father, he was a bigger softie now, especially when it came to children and their family. She was sure that he would be happy for them, but these moments of silence and shock were worrying to Dawson. What would happen if he was angry and forced her to take up a desk job, she had done that before and hadn't liked it. Or what if he transferred her to another house, she was more easily replaceable than Casey, she didn't want to start again at a new house.

She continued to allow these type of unanswered questions swirl around in her mind before she noticed the wide grin spread across Boden's face and he gathered him both up in a hug. "That is fantastic news… Congratulations," he announced before shaking Casey's hand once more. "How long have you known?"

"Just a few days… It's still the early days Chief," Dawson filled him in, letting out a sigh of relief. Whilst she knew that nothing was likely going to happen, Casey had kept reminding her of that, nothing was going to happen to the baby.

"So we're not telling anyone?" he questioned, much like he had just a few years earlier. The sense of Deja vu washed over Dawson, bringing back the fear of dread that she was working so hard on suppressing causing her knees to weaken slightly. Matt noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye and made a move to untangle his hand from hers so he was able to move his arm around her waist to support her. Lifting his eyes towards Boden's, he shuffled Dawson towards the couch that was in the corner, his hand on the small of her back. Taking a seat next to her on the couch, he pulled her into his side and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, not caring what their boss would be thinking of the situation playing out in front of him. Placing his chin on her shoulder, he started to whisper slowly, "It's ok Babe, nothing's going to happen. Everything is okay, Smudge is going to be okay… You've got to believe that," he reminded her.

Boden looked concerned as he too pulled over the seat that was in front of his desk so he would be facing the couple. Laying a warm hand on her knee, he opened his mouth to speak, "Gabriela?" he gently prodded.

Dawson wiped her eyes and waved off his concern. "I'm sorry Chief, it just reminded me of the last time we stood in your office in this exact situation… It just shocked me a bit, that's all. We just want to get to my twelve week mark before we tell anyone," she explained. "I know we needed to tell you, but this time… we don't want anyone else to know!" she insisted, closing her eyes for a moment trying to regain her sense of strength.

The elder man gave them both a concerned look before meeting Casey's eyes over her head. Casey shook his head slightly, his eyes expressing a similar concern. Upon the ringing of the bells, Dawson jumped to hearing that the call was for Ambo only. Giving one last sniff, she nodded at the two gentlemen who still sat in front of her before making her way out of the office, closing the door behind her.

Standing as she left the room, Boden watched as she disappeared out of sight before turning back towards Casey who had his elbows resting on his knees and head in hands, rubbing them slightly over his face. "Lieutenant?" he questioned after studying Casey for a beat.

Casey looked up with weary eyes to find his commanding officer staring him down with concerned eyes. He regarded him for a minute, pondering what it was that he wanted to tell Boden. "It's been an interesting time Chief…"

"Casey, I've said it to you before. You've got your fair share of wins and losses. And I can not begin to imagine what it is has been like for both of you over the past four years with all the ups and downs. Matt, this is going to be an amazing experience," Boden told him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

Casey nodded slightly before continuing, "I know, Chief. It's just been a hard week, Gabby… Gabby she's so scared of losing the baby again. In her eyes, so much has already been taken away from her and she doesn't want that to happen again. She's just trying to protect herself. And not telling the house is how she is protecting herself Chief. Would I prefer that she tell them? Yes," he took a deep breathe, running his hand over his face again and tapping his foot nervously on the floor. "I just wanted her to tell Brett, I needed to know that at least someone is looking out for her when she's on the rig. But she isn't having a bar of it… We both know that she's capable of shutting down when she gets scared Chief. And I just wasn't willing to risk that. So Chief, if she doesn't want to tell them yet, I'm totally on board with that."

Boden nodded slowly, taking in the information that had just been presented to him. "I understand Casey. As long as I get official clearance from Dawson's doctor I do not need to say anything to anyone just yet. She's already on Ambo, so there is no need for Dawson to move jobs, that will buy you some time for her to become comfortable with telling the house. At some point, it will be important that she tells the Chief Paramedic, but that will depend on how she is feeling and how long she is allowed to work."

"Thanks, Chief," Matt shook his hand as he made a move to get up, "Your support is important to me, to us both."

Boden gave him a smile and a slight nod, "And Matt, congratulations."

"Gabby?" Matt tapped her on the shoulder late in the afternoon the day after they finished a shift. Glancing up Gabby found Matt standing behind the couch a bottle of water in his hands.

"Hmm?" she questioned as he settled himself onto the couch, taking her hand into his.

"Do you remember that call we had a few weeks ago where we had to go back in a rescue those children whose parents were high?" Matt watched as Gabby searched her mind for that one event, watching as recollection spread across her face. She looked confused as to why he was even bringing up the situation. Matt took a deep breathe, he hadn't told Gabby what had happened in his office whilst she had taken the children to Chicago Med. These were the things that he needed to talk about, she needed to know that he was just as scared as she was. Hopefully, it might even help her be more at ease with the pregnancy.

"I may have lost it when I got back to the house," he admitted ducking his head. Gabby looked on worried about what Matt was telling her. "It's not something that I'm proud of Gabs, but I didn't handle my emotions well…" he trailed off.

"What happened Matt?" Gabby probed placing a hand on his cheek causing him to lift his head slightly.

"That glass jar of tees that used to sit on my desk… I hurled it at the wall," he flushed, he was in no way proud of his actions and that in a moment of rage he had broken something. "I was so mad Gabby… I just couldn't understand how they could be parents, something that had ripped away from us, not once but twice. And I was mad at the world for not allowing it to happen for us. I wanted it so much Babe," he told her, tears beginning to form in his eyes without him even realising it. Gabby drew in a sharp breath, for as long as she had known Matt he had wanted a family of his own, and there had been many nights that she had blamed herself, but she would never have thought that that particular call would have had such an effect on him

"And ironically I was already pregnant," Gabby laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood. Matt gave her a half smile, loving his wife for being able to think of the right things to say to lighten the load.

"It just didn't seem right, you know Gabs…" he looked off into the distance, thinking about how his life might have been different if they had children in their lives now. "You have so much love to give, you're an amazing mother-"

"You know, for so many months after we lost our baby I blamed myself for not being able to provide you with a family," she cut him off. "One that you wanted so much," she started to tear up, "It was tearing me up from the inside out…"

"Hey, hey, hey… Look at me" Matt grabbed her chin forcing her to look into his eyes. He searched them taking in all the hurt that was swirling around in there. "Do not blame yourself for that. There was nothing you could have done… There was nothing anyone could have done. What's in the past is in the past. We need to look forward to our future… Together," he promised. "Herrmann came into my office that day when he heard the glass shatter… And he told me that together we could get through this, the fear and anger I was feeling. That wise old firefighter also reminded me that to get through this I need to focus on my future, the one that I have with you," he smiled as he reached out to place a hand on her belly, "One that we have with the baby now Babe… I know it's scary Gabby, but let's just focus on the future, and everything that will go right."

Gabby looked down at his warm hand and covered it with her own, drawing strength from it. "You seem to have enough hope for our future at the moment, enough for the both of us. Your trust in the future will be enough to carry us through until I can stop worrying about something going wrong," she told him.

"I'll cover you," he promised.

"Matt, Baby I want to believe that everything is going to be okay… And I know that everything will be okay, it's just today when the Chief asked about telling people, I froze," she admitted.

"I know Babe, it's okay. The Chief will be there for us, he's happy for us and he understands. And I'll be strong for you, Smudge is going to be here before we know it... Gabby, know that I am there every step of the way for you… even if I forget to show it sometimes. You, me and the baby… that's what's important," he punctuated his last words with kisses.

"Matt, you don't need to be strong all the time. And you don't need to hide your emotions all the time either…" she told him, running a hand through his short hair. "Although you don't have to share all of them with the rest of house," she teased. Matt shook his head at her as she started to attack his neck, peppering it with kisses.

"Gabbs…" he complained, trying to control himself. Gabby smirked as she dropped her hands to roam underneath his shirt "The problem is," his hot breath wafting over her neck as he leant closer to her face as his hands moved up to caress her cheeks, "...problem is, if I start kissing you, I might not be able to stop," he whispered into her ear, before placing a kiss under her earlobe.

"No need to stop Matt," she reminded him, pulling him closer and starting to work on his button down shirt. Matt gave her a grin as he pulled her down on top of himself.

~ His hands and feet have webbed fingers and toes. Soon this extra tissue between his digits will be reabsorbed to reveal individual fingers and toes ~