Chapter Four: Memories
February 29, 2016, Phoenix Arizona
Two months before all hell breaks loose.
Walking down the hall coming from my French class, I sighed. They were going down the 'bully him until he remembers that he's loved' route I've had to experience a… fuck I don't even know how many times that's happened to me. If I hadn't been through this situation so many times, I wouldn't have been able to convince them to let me go to school. I needed a distraction from my depressing thoughts, and as odd as it was, monotony, like school, helped me drift away from that. It lets me focus on other things, like future plans.
For one thing, I was getting Lilian a proper wardrobe as soon as possible. And while seeing her wear my hoodies was adorable, two girls stealing my hoodies on a regular basis was two girls too many!
Second, I was going to have to experiment with powers. Well, more like refresh myself on them. Lilian told me that only yōkai had special powers, which, from what I knew when I first came to this world, was not true.
Ki/Touki was one main example. Humans with enough training in physical, mental, and spiritual discipline could access this inner energy source. It wasn't exactly the most flashy thing, but it allowed for superhuman feats of strength, dexterity, and stamina. Those who could master it basically became one-man armies; William Adams became a yōkai killing machine by the end of the Amrita incident.
Onmyo Magic couldn't be overlooked either. Buffs, debuffs, elemental magics, and so much more. It was a swiss army knife, as versatile as it was deadly, especially in the right hands.
Ki was easy, especially since I had been molding my body into fighting form since the moment it was feasibly possible without negative drawbacks. But I'd need to require some special tools for Onmyo Magic. From what I remember, those talismans were a pain in the ass to make.
But above all of that… I needed to figure out just what I could do with the void element. I was getting a little bit giddy honestly. Something that was always just outside my reach for hundreds of thousands of years was finally in my grasp. Something new to explore and research! You know, it was kind of worth the existential depression/crisis just for this.
Well, anyway, the next class was gym with Eric. We were playing basketball today and dominating the court with my homie would be fun.
But…
The face of that woman shot to the forefront of my mind again. I didn't know her name. I didn't know the true details of how we met. All I had were vague footnotes about how it might have gone. But that feeling… the feeling of how important she was to me was something that stuck with me through all lives no matter what, even in those lives where I forgot everything about her.
My hand moved over my heart as I felt the phantom pain of a blade impaling me. The shock and horror on the woman's face ran through my mind again.
Do I even deserve this second chance to be with her again?
As I turned the corner into the locker room, I was surprised as I bumped into someone by accident. Which was surprising in itself cause I haven't bumped into someone like this in a few hundred-thousands years… I think. I haven't elevated my mind to a higher plane of existence yet to fully process all the information I've acquired. Either way, I must've been hella distracted for this to happen.
I stumbled back a few steps on impact.
"You better watch where you're walking, shit-stain!" A rough, snarling voice assaulted my ears.
"Sorry about that," I apologised, "Had my head in the clouds for a bit."
The person's hairy arm grabbed the collar of my shirt to pull me down to their eye level since I was taller than them. My bored, uninterested blue eyes stared into black.
"I don't wanna hear your sorry excuses, pussy!" They snarled at me like a rabid dog.
I finally took a look at the jackass I had bumped into. Brown hair, a face like a bulldog, built like a brick shit house with a smell to match. Chris Fleisher, junior, vice-captain of the school's wrestling team, and generic anime highschool bully number 284,239. He had a habit of beating on those smaller than him for no other reason than he could, which led to basically all of the school trying to avoid him at all costs. It was only the bare basic information I put the effort into knowing about him, 'cause quite frankly he was boring.
He gave everyone shit for even the slightest perceived provocation, myself included. But he left me alone for the most part, something about my completely uninterested look creeping him out. Honestly, I could've beaten the shit out of him three ways from Sunday months ago, but if the school didn't give enough of a shit to put him in his place, why should I give a damn?
But now he laid his hands on me, so if he wanted a fight, he was gonna get it.
"You'd better watch yourself from now on or I'll… I'll..." I raised an eyebrow as he trailed off, and began sniffing the air around me. "That smell..."
"Kevin!" I heard the voice of Eric shout as he and a dozen other students came into view.
Chris scowled. "Tch!" He released his grip on my shirt. "You'd better watch who you hang out with, shit-stain, or I'm really gonna fuck you up next time I see you."
"Mhmm," was my uninterested response.
The group of students flinched as Chris glared at them, parting like the Red Sea as he waded through them.
"What the hell was that about?" Eric asked as he put his hand on my shoulder.
"Don't know, don't care." I shrugged.
But I did learn quite a bit from that small interaction. Chris Fleisher was a yōkai, an Inu, and he probably smelt Lilian on me. Inu were dog-like yōkai that hated kitsune and vice versa. I wasn't sure if he was the one that mauled Lilian, but if he was, then a few broken bones might be able to keep him in line.
"Are you alright?" Eric looked at me worriedly.
I blinked. "Huh?"
"Your hand is twitching."
I looked down. Huh, my hand actually was twitching. I flexed my fingers and rubbed my hand.
"Don't worry, my nerves are acting up today," I lied, "Got a lot on my mind recently."
Eric didn't look convinced. "If you're sure..."
I nodded. "I'll be fine."
[-]
Another monotonous day of school behind me, another moment to contemplate how distracted I was. That woman… I can't get her face out of my head. The look of horror, her voice breaking as she screams my name… I can feel my heart breaking in two all over again.
Fucking hell! Could I think of something less depressing for once!? Like fuck… how about making a Smash Brothers after school club in the computer room or something? Actually yeah, after school Smash club sounds pretty dope. Fighting games in general honestly… but if I brought in this world's Soul Calibur again, Eric was gonna whine like a bitch. Worth it.
Normally, I'd stick around after school and cheer on (embarrass) Lindsay while she was at soccer practice, but I had an impatient and clingy kitsune waiting for me to get back home. And besides, Lindsay was stopping by again tonight. It was around three when I finally made it back. Locking up my bike, I opened the door to be greeted with a pleasant smell.
Seemed like Lilan was making some lunch. I walked in, closing the door behind me and kicking off my shoes, and made my way to the kitchen. For around a minute or two, I watched the peppy kitsune go about her business, humming an anime opening to herself (Sounded like Blue Bird from Naruto Shippuden) as she washed the cutting board, knife and bowls that she had used. Like the last time I had seen her, she was wearing my hoodie and nothing else, her two tails waving around behind her. And just like last time, she was incredibly sexy and adorable. My eyes wandered to her exposed backside as I pondered as to what would be the corniest way to greet her now that I was home.
Brain blast. I've got it!
"What's cookin, good-lookin?" Fuckin nailed it.
"Ah!" Lilian spun around in surprise. The moment her eyes landed on me, all surprise left, and her eyes lit up brightly enough to power an entire city black for several months. "Beloved!"
She burst forward in a blur of speed, arms outstretched to glomp me. With practiced ease, I caught her, spinning on my heel so that her momentum wouldn't send us crashing against the wall. After spinning for a few seconds, we finally stopped with my back pressed against the wall.
"You're excited today, aren't you?" I smiled.
She responded by grabbing the sides of my face and pulling me down for a searing kiss. Inwardly, I rolled my eyes. Of course she went for the kiss as soon as I lowered my guard around her. Time to flip the tables. I pulled away as I put my arm around her waist and spun us around. This time she had her back against the wall instead.
Lilian blinked, an expression of nervousness and excitement on her face as my fingers traced the line of her jaw. "B-Beloved - mmpf!?"
I captured her lips getting a surprised squeal and moan from her. Another moan escaped from her as my tongue slipped past her lips and into her waiting mouth. We battled for dominance for a little while before I decided to put my years of experience to good use. My free arm trailed down her side to her leg, and lifted her up. Her legs and even tails wrapped around me in an effort to bring me closer. My tongue dominated hers with practiced ease as I carried us to the couch. As we all but crashed onto the sofa she straddled my hips, her hands running through my hair, moaning every now and then as my hands wandered her body.
Finally, I pulled back and admired my handiwork. Lilian was left absolutely breathless, her face flushed red as her chest heaved up and down, gasping for air; a small trail of saliva flowing down the side of her mouth.
"Inari-blessed!" She exclaimed. "When did you learn to do that!?"
I gave a smug smile as I pressed my forehead against hers, enjoying the. "Comes with practice, Lilian."
Fuck yeah, still got it.
"Mmmmm, wow," she praised as she stared into my eyes. "I think I need a minute after that."
I snorted. "The food ain't gonna burn, is it? "
"No, I have a timer set." She assured me.
I humed. "That's good." I collapsed back onto the sofa, taking Lilian with me, the both of us laying down. "I'd love to enjoy my beautiful mate's home cooking."
Lilian gasped in joy, her eyes lit up like stars. "You've finally accepted me as your mate!?"
"Since Lindsay's okay with you, I'm okay with you," I said. Besides, even if I wanted to, I'm pretty sure there was no way I was going to be able to get rid of her.
Lilian pouted at the mention of Lindsay. "You have me right here and you're talking about another girl?"
I smirked. "Because you're adorable when you're mad."
"Mmmmm," Lilian grumbled, propping her elbows against my chest and resting her head in her hands, "I'll let it slide, but just this once."
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "Yes, honey."
She giggled as the conversation died down. For a little while we just laid there, staring into each other's eyes. This was nice, it had been a few hundred lives since I could just slow down for a bit and take a break from the constant action and violence.
I winced in as my head pulsed painfully as if I was having a migraine, the sound of static filled my ears as my surroundings changed.
Sunset, there was a burning pain in my chest, my body felt numb, darkness encroached the edges of my visions. I couldn't move, but the sight before me left me speechless. The woman, the one who haunted my thoughts, was above me. Was my head in her lap? Maybe. She looked at me in despair and helplessness, her tears falling onto my face as she watched the life slowly leave my eyes.
I don't know why, but something compelled me to do something. Compelled stronger than anything ever did in my abundance of lives. Stronger than the times I battled against armies. Stronger than when I uplifted pitiful worlds like this one. Stronger than when I fought and brought down gods.
It went against all logic I knew, against everything I had experienced. But somehow, someway, seeing her cry spurred on something within me. I don't know why! It's infuriating to no end that I don't know why she can get this reaction from me. All I've had for hundreds of thousands of years is some mental footnotes about our time together. Fuck! I didn't even remember my first name until 'pops' just told me outright. So why in the actual fuck do I-
Her lips parted, tears still falling from her eyes. Her voice was soft, but it cracked as she forced the words out.
"P-Please... don't leave me."
Everything stopped. Time, the universe, just everything. Those words… I felt them impact the very depths of my soul. Every single part of my being screamed one thing and one thing only.
DO. SOMETHING.
The sword went through my heart, I shouldn't even be alive still, much less able to move my limbs. But I managed, and through sheer force of will, I raised up my blood-covered hand. She gasped as she felt my hand caress her face. Her hand grasped mine and held it close, not caring about the blood smearing on the side of her face. I opened my mouth to speak, every word felt like utter agony but I powered through it.
"I love you..." My chest heaved as I coughed up blood, but I smiled through the pain. "I love you… so much." I felt tears well up in my eyes. "You gave me… meaning. You… I… I don't want to go. I-I don't… I don't want to… leave you."
My vision went black. If she said anything, I couldn't hear her. Oblivion took me, as it always did eventually and…
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Eh?
I blinked. I was back in mine and my mother's apartment. The beeping from coming from the kitchen, the timer had gone off. My vision was blurry. Why was it… Oh. I stared at the moisture on my fingers for a few seconds. I was crying. Fuck. When was the last time I cried?
I felt a few droplets hit my face. I looked up to see Lilian, staring off into space, crying…
[-]
Lilian didn't know what was happening. The room changed, she could feel the evening heat as the sun set, which didn't make sense since it was only three in the afternoon. Hell, her own body had changed. She had three tails instead of two, her body ached like it had been put through the ringer several times over.
But what hurt most was the foreign emotions that flowed into her. The hurt, the anguish, the guilt. It was overwhelming.
She figured out what was happening rather quickly. Whatever allowed her and Lindsay to see into her Beloved's memories did so again, only… much more intensely this time. It was less like his memories, and more like the World's memory, placing her into the body of some stranger. Being able to look through their eyes, feel what they felt, but not being able to influence anything. Not that Lilian even attempted to, she was still trying to wrap her head around what the hell was going on.
In her arms, or the arms of the person she was… inhabiting, was a young man of Japanese descent in his early twenties. Black hair, strange, black flame-like markings on the side of his face and an oddly colored eye. There was a stab wound in his chest, his clothes soaked in his own blood.
The woman said something. Lilian wasn't paying attention. She was staring at the man's face. The memories she saw yesterday were all about her mate, her Beloved. That meant this man was him, her mate.
Her mate was dying in her arms and there was nothing she could do about it.
She wanted to yell. To scream at whoever's eyes she was looking through right now to help him. Heal him. Just do something!
He raised his arm up, struggling to do so. She met him halfway and held his blood covered hand close to her face. He tried in vain to move his fingers, trying to wipe away her tears.
"I love you..." Everything died down as he spoke, coughing up blood. All thoughts stopped, emotions shut down, everything was focused to hear what he was saying; to not miss a single syllable.
"I love you… so much." She saw tears stream down his face, her emotions bubbling back to the surface ever so slightly.
"You gave me… meaning."
It's the other way around you idiot! Shut up and save your strength!
...Lilian didn't know why that thought ran through her head.
"You… I… I don't want to go."
Dammit! Inari dammit! Shut up, you're not going anywhere you're not-
These weren't Lilian's thoughts they were-
"I-I don't… I don't want to… leave you."
His eyes closed, and he went limp in her arms…
Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead. Her mate was dead.
...Her beloved Rokurou was dead.
She laid his still body down on the dusty dirt road as she slowly looked up. Her eyes meet with those of a female five tailed kitsune with dark blue hair, her eyes looking at her mate's corpse with psychotic glee.
She did it.
She did it.
KILL HER!
Emotions more intense than anything Lilian had ever felt overwhelmed her mind. A scream of rage, anguish, and pain ripped from her throat as she rushed the blue-haired bitch that did this. Red filled her vision just as her clawed hands reached her and-
"Lilian?" A voice called out to her as she felt her shoulder being shaken gently. "Lilian are you okay?"
Lilian blinked. She was back in her Beloved's apartment. "Huh!?" She shook her head, then looked down at the worried face of her mate."W-What?"
"Lilian, you're crying." He said worriedly.
"I..." Lilian felt her face with her hand. "Oh."
"What's wrong?" He asked. "Did something happen or…?"
"I..." Lilian paused, trying to figure out a way to explain this that made sense. "Beloved… do you remember when you explained to Lindsay and I why you were acting oddly?"
"Yes."
"And how you were very distressed?"
"Yes…?"
"Do you hear static in your ears and then have these odd visions?"
Kevin's eyes widened "Oh fuck, it's happening to you too..." He took a deep breath. "Alright, I'm going to get the food out before it gets burnt. Then I want you to tell me everything, okay?"
Lilian gave a small nod. "Okay..."
[-]
I pulled Lilian in a hug, kissing her on the top of her head before I left for the kitchen. I noted that the dish was a type of gratin as I pulled it out. Only once I had closed the oven did I allow myself to think properly.
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!
What sort of nonsense was going on here!? Was I spreading my insanity or something!? Can't I go five fucking years in this world without some crazy bullshit happening? This was supposed to be my vacation before I end up in some other war torn world, I'd have to waste my time killing like a nine to five job. For fuck's sake! I had to teach a cat (I think it was a nekomata) how to be a proper fucking assassin while ripping out the throats of some crazy high tech organization. Met a random girl with ice powers (probably a yuki-onna), and met - I glanced at Lilian in the corner of my eye - her when I was six!
I took a deep breath.
Calm down, Kevin. You're just stressed cause this was supposed to be your life off.
...Fuck. I'm pissed like an office worker that just got called in on his one day off. What is wrong with me? Oh, right. EVERYTHING!
...God dammit, I just wanted to be a chef this life.
Alright Kevin, you gotta put yourself in Work Mode from now on. First thing's first, find out what Lilian has been seeing whenever I have an… episode. I plated up the food and grabbed some utensils as I made my way back to the sofa. I sat closely next to Lilian and I placed the plates down on the coffee table. Lilian was staring at her hands, almost despondently.
I gently took Lilian's hands into my own, breaking her out of whatever haze she was in.
"Beloved?" She blinked as she realized I was back.
"Lilian, I need to know what you saw just now."
"I..." The words died in her mouth as she stared at me, tears beginning to form in her eyes again. "I think I saw you die."
I pulled her into a hug, one hand combing through her red hair, the other rubbing her back. She gripped my shirt tightly as she began sobbing into my chest.
"I-I… I saw it through her eyes," Lilian explained. "I felt her emotions as you died in her arms. She… She called you Rokurou."
Shit...
So, she saw everything I saw, but from her perspective. Then what did she see yesterday? What did Lindsay see? Hmmm, this phenomenon seems familiar to similar concepts I've encountered before.
Planetary Memory, the phenomenon in which the planet is alive in some way shape or form and can remember events, storing them as 'data'. It's only real function is to keep track of a planet's timeline to create fixed points in time to prevent the creation of a paradox. I remembered something like this happening to one of my lovers in a futuristic world, but it was a lot more subtle. The events of the alternate timeline would 'leak' into our timeline through small events leading up to the fixed point and dreams.
Here, however, what we were experiencing was much or forceful. This must be the World's way of acknowledging my existence; saying that it remembers me. But the fact that other people could see into these memories when in proximity of me… did my existence destabilize reality around me?
I stored my questions for later and brought my attention back to Lilian. "Yeah, I went by that name when I was originally in this world."
"Kotohime once told me about someone called Rokurou," Lilian said softly, "About how he was the mighty Shura, who terrified both yōkai and humans alike."
I groaned. "People still use that nickname? It's been…shit it's only been a century and a half since I died. Fucking time dilation."
Lilian pushed herself up and looked at me shocked. "No way, you're Shura!?"
Good, her mind was off the vision. Let's keep it going.
"Yes, it was during the late 1500s," I began, "Around the time Oda Nobunaga had just died. Isshin Ashina staged a coup against his occupation, forcing them out of our land and after a brutal war, he won." I began to recall more memories as I talked. "At the time, I was the sole survivor of my village getting burned down in the crossfire. Didn't get out unscaved unfortunately. Most of my left side was burnt to a crisp and I was blind in my left eye. Then I got picked up by-"
"What's the matter, stray? Nothing left to lose?" Lilian quoted suddenly, her voice somber.
My words died in my mouth.
Shit…
"Did Lindsay see too?"
Lilian didn't answer me for a few seconds. "...Yes."
Double shit…
And like that we were back to depression. Alright, lemme break out the memes.
"Well, long story short, I became a master shinobi, lost my arm, got a new fancy one, and became an immortal with my master's blood," I listed, "Did a little trolling, went ape shit on actual sword fighting apes, and became skilled enough to actually defeat Isshin the Glock Saint in battle."
Lilian looked at me dumbfounded. "The Glock Saint?"
"The man had a fucking semi-automatic pistol in the early 1600s, he killed me so many times with that damn thing!" I said exasperated. "Like seriously, one moment I've got him on the defensive in a sword fight, the next I'm being filled with enough holes to make a SpongeBob cosplay!"
"He killed you!?"
"Lilian, a lot of people have killed me in this world," I paused, "I'm pretty sure my first mate did as well a few times during our sparring matches."
"She did what!?"
"Lilian, my isekai cheat power, my first go around in this world, was the ability of resurrection. You could kill me, but good luck keeping me dead."
"Then how did you..." her eyes glazed over for an instant, "P-Permanently die?"
"Alright, that was kind of my fault." I explained sheepishly. "I had the bright idea of carrying around the only two things in this world that could keep me dead. The mortal blades, two special magic odachis that could kill immortals. The red one is basically an anti-divine weapon potent enough to cause even the gods great pain - I tested that one extensively - and the black one basically has Edo Tensei from Naruto."
Lilian gasped. "Beloved! Careful about what you say of other series, we have to be careful of copyrights!"
Hook. Line. Sinker.
Hitting this world's kitsune quirk of Medium Awareness along with her love of anime completely took her mind off of the vision.
"Lilian, this is a fanfiction, we don't have to worry about copyright."
The kitsune sat perfectly still for a few moments before her lips widened into a beaming smile. She then went off on a tangent about all of the Arts she could do with her powers as well as names ripped straight out of more Shonen series than I cared to count. But she was happy, and that was all that mattered to me.
I took a bite of the gratin she made for us.
Pretty good.
Chapter End