Still trying to catch my breath after that last Chicago PD episode... WOW! Thanks to everyone who left reviews and let me know what they think of the story.

Anyway, moving on... Any other teachers out there who feel like they are just wishing their lives away? I always feel like I'm wishing for the next set of holidays, which by the way is only 4 weeks away. And on one hand - it can't come fast enough, on the other, I just don't have enough time for everything before the end of the year.

Thank you, thank you to Rebecca for editing this for me. And a special hug to her for saying how much she loved this story, thanks chickie.

~ Week 19 ~

~ Candidate is about the size of a mango ~

Gabby was cleaning down the bar, glancing at Matt who was having a laugh with the guys from 51 whilst enjoying a drink. It was nice to be out and about at Molly's, it felt like a long time since she had done a shift here. Pausing for a moment Gabby was sure that Smudge was moving around, those butterfly-like movements were being noticed more and more every so often. Her hands flew down to her belly and she waited for a few more seconds to see if she would feel an actual kick, but nothing. She pouted slightly, she was growing increasingly impatient to be able to feel Smudge actually give a proper kick. It was just one more question that she had for Doctor Peterson for their appointment next week, when was she finally going to be able to feel it… When would Matt be able to feel it?

Looking around, she spotted Sylvie sitting by herself in the corner of the bar. Something still wasn't quite right there, for a while Gabby thought that Sylvie had told her everything that was on her mind a few weeks ago, but she sensed that something still wasn't right. Knowing that there would be little to no point trying to get the blonde to open up here at Molly's, she wouldn't say anything with the prying ears all around. But she was wasn't willing to give up right now, she was going to force the issue tonight.

Wandering over, she nudged Sylvie's right shoulder, startling her enough to cause Sylvie to spill some of her drink. "Mermaid, did you want to go for a chat?"

Sylvie looked up, she had been off in her own little dream world, just enjoying her wine for a little while, recent shifts had been knocking her around. So the interruption by Gabby had shocked her a fair bit. "Huh?"

"C'mon, let's get out of here, I know it's getting a bit cooler now, but we should be fine."

"A bit cooler Gabby? It's bordering on freezing," complained Sylvie giving her an odd look.

"Put on a jacket girl. You'll be fine. We can go and sit down at Navy Pier and have a hot drink at Xurro or somewhere."

Sylvie regarded her for a moment or so staring intently at Gabby's almost pleading face. She didn't look like she was going to be giving up anytime soon. Sighing resignedly, she gulped down the remaining drops of wine and nodded.

"Great," Gabby enthused. "Let me tell Matt and I'll drive!" Sylvie watched as Gabby gleefully scampered off to the group of 51 members who were huddled in another part of the bar. Numerous thoughts ran through her mind, mostly concerning why Gabby was pushing the issue of getting out of Molly's. Placing her glass back down onto the table, she gathered up her bag and headed out to look for the warmest jacket she had in her car.

Meanwhile Gabby had made her way over to Matt. Once registering that she was standing beside him, Matt wrapped an arm around her waist, leaving an open hand resting on her belly. It was fast becoming his favourite pastime. Gabby smiled lightly, resisting his attempt to pull her in as he shuffled his stool backwards slightly. Usually, at some point during their nights at Molly's, she would settle herself in between his legs, whether it be standing or sitting in his lap. It gave him the opportunity to hold her in his arms, all the whilst caressing her bump.

"So Dawson, are you ever going to look pregnant?" Severide openly asked from across the table earning him a hard stare from all of the members of Truck 81. He shot them all a confused look.

"What are you trying to say Severide?" she questioned holding back all emotion from her voice.

"Just that you don't look pregnant… More just…" he trailed off in the realisation of what he was about to say, eyes widening at the thought of what the fiery Dominican might say.

"Don't know… When is our Squad lieutenant going to grow and use a brain?" she quipped trying to keep a straight face. Severide turned to look at her, mouth slightly agape.

"Burn!" Cruz gleeful announced laughing openly in his lieutenant's face.

Matt cracked a slight grin as he offered his drink to Gabby, who gave him a sideways look. "Lemon squash," he smiled.

"We're all putting in for a pair of dad jeans for him too," Severide contributed, knowing that this would get a rise of his fellow lieutenant. Severide would never learn, engaging mouth before brain as Kidd would say. Matt for his part simply gave him a 'what the' look, not even willing to engage him or defend himself as he had done in the past.

"Severide, did you not learn from your last comment?" Cruz questioned. Severide only offered a cheeky grin and shrug.

"I'm just saying what everyone was thinking," he commented offhandedly.

Gabby just waved Matt off, "Actually I'm going to head out for a hot drink with Brett," she told him watching a concerned look cross his face.

"What about the backaches from earlier?" he questioned, concern lacing each of his words. "I'm happy to drop you both off at home. It's warm there and you can just be at home?"

"Matt, stop fussing," she complained. "Look," she lowered her voice as she brought her head closer to his ear. "I just need to have a girls chat with Brett. She needs to know that everything is going to be okay when I go on leave," she confirmed, leaving out the bit about her thinking that it was more than just changing partners.

Matt nodded slightly knowing well enough it was time to leave it alone. They obviously had more to talk about than he had originally thought.

Sylvie stared in horror as Gabby came back to sit down after placing their order at Xurro. Gabby had volunteered to go and pick the drinks, whilst Sylvie had found a booth near the windows and started to watch the people bundled in coats pass by, but now here was Gabby balancing a tray filled with water, hot chocolate, a chocolate filled churro, a peanut butter filled one and a funnel cake along with a coffee for her. Sylvie was sure she had only said she wanted a coffee and nothing else.

Gabby, noticing the wide eyed start as she placed everything down on the table in front them both simply smiled, "I've been craving peanut butter all week. I'll take the chocolate one back for Matt. Or I won't hear the end of it." Both girls smiled at the knowledge of the lieutenant's sweet tooth of late.

The girls sat in a comfortable silence for quite a long while, both simply enjoying the others' company. Sylvie finally placed her nearly empty cup down before questioning, "Okay, what's this about?"

Gabby chewed the last of her funnel cake thoughtfully, thinking carefully about what it was she really wanted to say or even ask Sylvie. "We haven't really had a chance to just talk, just us… No Stella, no Casey, no house or work… But just us," Gabby treaded carefully. "Just wanted to see how things were."

Sylvie shrugged nonchalantly. "It's all okay, I guess."

Gabby gave her a hard stare, "Sylvie Brett, you think I don't know you… something is bothering you. There is something more than whatever you said it was when we were at my place a few weeks ago." Sylvie froze, was she really that transparent? She was so sure that she had covered her jealousy quite well.

"Gabby, I -," she stuttered.

"Look, Sylvie, I know it's not ideal me going on leave. Especially since we don't even know when it's going to happen."

Sylvie let out a sigh of relief, Gabby thought that her seemingly weird behaviour was all about the upcoming changes in personnel. True, it was something that had been on her mind, but if she was honest, it wasn't something that she was losing sleep over. Changes happened all the time, whilst she could only hope for someone who she would get on with half as well as she did Gabby, there was no point worrying about something that she couldn't change. "Gabby honestly it's fine. Don't get me wrong, it's been great having Dawson and Brett back together on Ambo, but I knew that it wasn't going to last forever… which is fine."

"I wish I knew when I was going on leave. I don't want to jerk you around Sylvie, it would be nice for you to know when you were taking over. Believe me, I've spoken to the Chief about it, you're qualified to be the PIC and it should be you stepping up, you deserve it. I've watched you take it back on recently with everything that I've thrown your way… It's just that I'm not ready to leave and I'm definitely not in a rush to be put behind a desk. I feel like I'm still functioning well as the PIC…" she trailed off.

"Oh… Of course, you are Gabby," assured Sylvie.

"And you would tell me if it wasn't working out?"

"Of course I would Gabs," Sylvie told her, reaching out to grasp and squeeze her hand as a sign of reassurance. Thinking on her feet, she decided to change the conversation and send it on a slightly different course, "'Perfect world' time, how long would you work for?"

"Ideal world?" confirmed Gabby, "As long as my doctor will let me… anytime after 30 weeks I would say. CFD will clear me and allow me to work for as long as my OB lets me and while the pregnancy isn't affecting my ability to carry out the job safely. And as long as it doesn't affect you either. I'm not sure how long that might be… But the Chief Paramedic told me that he has a desk job ready for me anytime that I want it," Gabby screwed up her nose at the mere thought of a desk job. "Or there's some seasonal lecturing for the academy coming up if I wanted to leave earlier, but that would have to be in the next couple weeks. But from his limited experience, they would like to have me transferred off the rig no later than 31/32 weeks."

"That gives you plenty of time then," sympathised Sylvie, knowing that as much as Gabby wanted this baby, giving up such an active job wasn't going to be easy for her.

Gabby 'hmmed' in reply. "But I doubt Matt will let me stay that long. Not with the way he is acting at the moment… he's taken the over-protectiveness to a whole new level in the last week. Ever since I felt some sort of movement from Smudge, he's gone all out with the protectiveness," Gabby gave her a goof smile at the thought of Matt's actions.

Sylvie in return gave her a tight lipped smile as she felt that now familiar jealously rise. Gabby screwed up her nose at the scene unfolding in front of her.

"Sylvie… What is it?"

Squeezing her eyes shut tight, the words left her in a rush, "I'm jealous of what you and Casey have."

Gabby shook her head slightly, unsure if she had heard her friend correctly. Where was this coming from?

"You have to believe me Gabby, I hate myself for feeling the way I do. I can't explain it, but there have been times where I just hate you two and everything that you have together…" she gave a small sob. "And… I don't know why."

Gabby was a bit taken back, never in a million years would she have thought that those would be the words coming out of one of her closest friend's mouth. How did she miss it? Pondering back for a few seconds, Gabby tried to think over the many interactions she and Sylvie would have on a weekly if not daily basis, but nothing was sticking out to her. Sylvie had been the first person to get them a special something, a little fluffy duck soft toy. It had even ridden in the Ambo with them the shift after they had announced the pregnancy to the house. So this conversation had confused her, where was all this coming from? And how had she missed all the signs? Shaking her head slightly in an attempt to rid her mind of all of those thoughts, she forced herself to pay attention to Sylvie, may be this was why she missed the signs in the first place. "Oh Sylvie, why didn't you ever say anything to me?"

"I didn't want you to hate me. And I was angry at myself for feeling jealous. I had no right to be jealous or want what you have. I mean, after everything it took for you to even be here… I just don't have the right."

"Sylvie, it is human nature to feel jealous of others that have something that is such a major part of life and maybe you didn't ever think you wanted anything like this before. It upsets me when people think we should just brush things aside and find other things to focus on, I don't want to you brush it aside," Gabby told her staring straight into her teary blue eyes.

"I'm sorry, I honestly thought you'd hate me for even feeling the way that I do… I hate myself for it," she tearily confessed.

"Why mermaid?"

"I don't even understand why I feel the way I do. When you first told us, I was beyond excited for you and Casey. And then when I saw the two of you in the common room, it was then that it all hit me. I was jealous, and I know it's irrational. But the way that Casey treats you and it just made me think about my life, and when I was going to find someone who treats me the same way that he does you. Gabby it's the little things that Casey does, did you know that that boy does not take his eyes off of you during the shift when we're out on a call and they've finished their part? From the moment a victim is on our stretcher and the 81 crew is packing up, he is discreetly following your every move. And I can't help but think when will it be my time?"

"And the baby?" Gabby gently questioned. She was far from angry at Sylvie, she was actually a touch upset that she had felt the need to hide it all from her.

"I never knew it was something that I wanted, you have to believe me Gabby. It completely caught me off guard when I started feeling what I am feeling, just watching Casey with you, brushing his hand over your belly," she spoke as a lone tear dripped down her paler than normal skin. "I hate myself for this," she mumbled as she bowed her head and withdrew into herself even more.

Letting go of Sylvie's hand and having missed the last few muttered words, Gabby moved herself to the other side of the booth taking a seat next to her whilst slinging a hand over her shoulder. "I just want you to be honest with me. Don't hold it in Sylvie. You just need to tell me what it is and how I can help."

"How do you not hate me?"

"How could I hate you?" came Gabby's confused reply.

"I wanted something that you have… But it's something that you have wanted and longed for, for such a long time. And when I become jealous of the baby, it took me by surprise - I had never had any sort of these feelings when you had Louie."

"That was different…"

"But that's the point, I don't understand why? I know what you've been through, losing two children. Relationships haven't been easy either. Any other person in the same situation and I'm fine, and that's why I'm angry at myself. I have no right to want what you have… What kind of person finds sadness in their best friend's happiness? I'm a horrible friend…" Sylvie paused trying to even out her breathing, trying to suppress all the negative emotions that were swirling around her.

However it was to no avail as she began to quietly sob uncontrollably, hating herself for crying, but still the tears poured from her eyes. Gabby without a word, pulled her in so her head was resting on her shoulder, as her other hand went to rest on Sylvie's forehead brushing the hair from her face. "Shh… It's okay…"

Resting her own head on top of Sylvie's she whispered soothing, "I will never hate you for this. I will understand if there's any time that you don't want to talk, you just need to tell me. I don't want you to isolate me…" Gabby seriously told her, "... Or yourself."

Sylvie continued to sob for many more minutes before finally taking a shaky breath. "I'm sorry Gabby… I just didn't know what to say… I never knew that I wanted a relationship so much," she apologised. "I'll be okay. I know it's going to be hard, but even you knowing makes it that much easier," she confessed. "Just a hopeless romantic, who had a life pictured for myself and it just hasn't turned out that way… I just don't know where I went wrong."

"Sylvie, I need to be completely honest with you… As much as we all tell you that finding and having a relationship with another first responder isn't always the best idea..."

"Yeah, I gave Chilli the same advice," Sylvie interrupted.

"But that shared experience - it is what brings you together, but it can also be the same thing that tears you apart. Mermaid, I would never been able to get through the last few years without Matt, and I can't even begin to think about much that must hurt to hear. Remember this though, the more you chase love the more it will elude you, but at the same time don't settle for someone who isn't right for you just because they might fit your ideal of love. And sometimes having the person who leads me into the burning building, or at least used to, makes a difference. He knows what it like to search a burning bedroom for children, everything burning around me… He knows what it's like to come back to the house after that very close call where we nearly lost someone," Gabby told her. Looking her straight in the eyes, she wondered if she should actually mention the last thought that was running through her mind.

"And most importantly - Matt understands the physical, emotional and mental drain we go through and the missed meals, lost sleep and having to forgo social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen… That's something unless they've experienced it, they will never understand…" Something clicked inside of Gabby and suddenly she needed to talk to Matt.

"Matt?" Gabby called out walking through the house, intent on having a conversation with Matt. She was pretty sure that he would be home, his truck was in the garage… But then again she realised, that it had been her who had driven them to Molly's so of course his truck would be here. Placing the churro in the fridge for Matt to have later, she slowly made her way towards the bedroom, closing up the house as she went.

Therefore it naturally surprised her to find Matt sit on their bed, still fully dressed from Molly's reading over what looked like a council proposal. "How did you get home?"

Matt looked up startled. "Hmm?" he questioned, discarding the papers onto the bedside table and opening up his arms as an invitation. Gabby shook her head and threw her purse on the chair sitting in the corner before sitting on the edge of the bed to take her shoes off. She audibly sighed. Matt gave a slight smirk behind her back before scurrying around to help ignoring every protest that she made about being able to take her own shoes off and that she wasn't that fat yet. He simply gave her a smile.

Once snuggled into his arms Gabby opened her mouth to speak, "So I had an interesting conversation with Brett tonight."

"Really? What about?" he questioned in reply dropping a kiss on her head.

"Just about everything that she's been feeling lately and how she's coping with everything…"

"Vague much."

"Specifics aren't important Matt… But it got me to thinking about what I'm going to do in the next few months. And then I realised that I haven't spoken to you about it. Talking to Brett made me remember how lucky I am to have you as my partner... As my husband... Brett is struggling to find her place and as I was telling her about us, something dawned on me. Matt, I don't need to wish you understood what it feels like to be crawling through a burning building at 2 in the morning groping your way around hoping desperately that you haven't missed anyone. Or wish you understood the feeling of watching a young child be pronounced, knowing that their parents won't get to see them graduate or get married or hear the words 'I Love You' ever again," she told him, tightening her grip on his shirt. "Or even needing to understand the demands of the job, living in a first responders family, missing important events. You live it every day along side of me. I realised how lucky I am that we walk a similar path in life, and that you truly understand the job. And I think that's all Brett wants from life."

"Of course I understand baby," Matt comforted, running his fingers through her hair.

"It also made me realise that even though we've been together for a long time, I still make decisions without you." Matt nodded his head slowly wondering where this conversation was going.

"But we've been working on it," he prompted.

"We haven't spoken about what we're going to do…"

"Gabby you know that I'll support you whatever decision you make."

"What I didn't tell you is that the Dean of the Academy offered me a seasonal lecturing position with the new intake of candidates, after our conversation a few weeks ago at the seminar and then the chief paramedic mentioned my pregnancy. Next thing I know I've got a job offer," she confessed.

"Gabby that's great news. Why didn't you say anything before?"

"A few things, I guess," she stammered. "Problem is that it starts in a few weeks, I would need to hand in my jump bag by my twenty third week. I'm just not ready to do that," she confessed.

Matt sat up further, turning on his spot to look her in the face, "What else?" Matt questioned. "There is something more isn't there?"

Gabby stayed silent, cursing the fact that Matt was able to read her so well, even without the words. On one hand she didn't want to tell Matt the real reason for her reluctance to share her news for the fear of hurting him, but could she really keep everything bottled up for the rest of her pregnancy? Hadn't she vowed and said on her wedding day 'I promise you my unconditional love, my fullest devotion, my most tender care. You are everything I need. And at this moment I feel that all of my prayers have been answered. I promise to take care of you, to encourage and inspire you, asking that you be no other than yourself. From this day forward you shall not walk alone.' And hadn't Matt pledged the same things? He had always made sure that she would never walk through anything alone. Wasn't now the time to open up to the man she loved and be completely honest? With the words echoing in her mind she opened her mouth to reply.

"Babe?" he questioned, using an index finger to bring her chin towards him.

"I didn't want to tell you because I thought you might want me to take the job… Anything to get me off Ambo and off the streets."

Matt abruptly withdrew from her, his head spinning. What would have given her that idea? "Gabby how could even say such a thing? I would never do that to you." He removed himself from the bed.

"Matt," she pleaded, reaching out to him.

"Honestly Gabby, when have I ever given you the idea I would make you give up your job?" he paced at the end of the bed, his temper starting to get the better of him. "How could you?"

Gabby closed her eyes for a moment. When she reopened them, Matt had stalked off. Rushing to get up she chased him down the stairs into the kitchen. "Matt please," she cornered him at the breakfast bench.

"I've always said that I would always support you whatever you decided to do. So for you to say that Gabby," he angrily shook his head.

"Please come back to bed so we can talk about it…" she almost begged. "Matt, please I need to sit down." Chasing him down the stairs had winded her more than she would have liked to admit, but at this point, she was not above using Smudge to get him back upstairs for them to continue their conversation.

Matt shook his head at her as he reached into the fridge looking for a beer. "Gabby, I just need some time to think about this. Let me have this drink and then maybe I'll be ready to talk to you," he shut her down as he walked off leaving her standing alone in the kitchen. Gabby watched him leave sadly before making her way back to have a bath. She was determined to do something to relax those tight back muscles.

Matt turned as he shut the door that led to their outdoor area, sighing as he took a seat. Enjoying the silence that the night threw up, he thoughtfully sipped on the cold beverage in his hand. His mind was going a million miles an hour. He couldn't believe that Gabby had deliberately withheld information just because she thought that he would force her hand. What kind of husband would he be if he made her do that?

One of the biggest hurdles that they had been forced to overcome in their relationship was the pure and simple fact that they were both fiercely independent people, Gabby especially. Gabby was a strong woman, one who was tough, resilient and had a hard time hearing no. He admired and loved these qualities about her. He also knew that they would be in for a hard time when it finally came time for her to take a desk job, she wasn't a snowflake, she had even said as much. He would never presume to tell her what to do, rather time and time again he had told her that he would support him in everything.

He enjoyed working with Gabby, all those years working together they had developed a rhythm. One that was strengthened when she had worked under him on truck. They knew each other's idiosyncrasies well and were able to predict the others' movements which was especially handy as lieutenant and PIC. And as strong a woman as Gabby was, Matt prided himself in being able to protect her at all costs. But it was getting harder and harder to watch her get on the rig and head out on another call during a shift. What if something happened and he wasn't there to protect her and Smudge?

Somewhere buried inside he knew that he held a deep seeded fear of history repeating itself. And he refused to put any words to this fear, not to her, not to anyone. It was something that he would deal with by himself, she never need to know about it. Pulling at the paper label, he placed his now empty bottle down pondering what it was he needed to do. It wasn't fair of him to walk out on her, but he had felt the anger rising in him and knew that it wouldn't be right to speak in anger. Those words would only hurt, and he had the tendency for his mouth to move much faster than his brain.

Slowly Matt made his way up to their bedroom to find Gabby missing. He walked over into the bathroom to find Gabby reading in the bath. Leaving her be for the moment, he started to prepare himself for bed. Kneeling down next to the tub he placed his forearms on the edge, "Talk to me?"

Gabby sighed as she discarded the book. "It hurt that you would think that I would think that of you." Matt gave her a concerned look.

"It didn't help that it really sounded like the only reason you haven't told me is that you thought I would make you take the job."

"I just didn't give it much thought. I never thought of myself as an instructor, not something that I wanted to do," she confessed looking away from him.

"That's fine Gabby. I just wish you had told me about it before," he told her as he ran a hand over her wet shoulder.

"Would you rather have me not tell you why I never mentioned it…? Rather me lie?" she questioned. Matt thought about it for a moment, it seemed like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, there was nothing he could say about this.

"How about we get you out of this bath and talk about it properly. I promise to be open minded," he told her holding out a hand to help her up.

Once settled in the middle of their bed Gabby opened her mouth to speak, "Well off you go, you wanted to talk…"

"Gabby I'm going to be honest, it does concern me that I can't always be there to protect you and Smudge…"

"Do you honestly think I would put Smudge in danger?"

"No, I don't Gabby. But understand me, we work a dangerous job. And it's unpredictable," he soothed.

"So you would prefer that I did take a desk job?" she accused.

"I didn't say that Gabriela," he huffed. "Stop putting words in my mouth." Gabby gave him a look and moved more over towards her side of the bed.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea… We can talk about it another day," she turned away from him.

"No," Matt insisted. "We've been down that road before, we're not going there again. I want us to talk about it, no accusations just being honest…" Still she would not look at him. Matt sighed letting his shoulder fall. Scooting over himself, he placed a hand on her side. "I'm sorry Gabby, I know how much this means to you. But understand from my point of view that I'm scared that something will happen to you and Smudge. You have to remember that I've always said that I worry about you every time you get on that Ambo rig. Now that there's two of you, I can't help but worry more. But I won't apologise for that Gabby. I love you both too much."

Gabby gave a small smile as she turned over onto her back, letting Matt's hand slip from her side to belly. She would never question Matt's love for them. "Matt, I know that. I promise that I'm not taking any unnecessary risks,"

"I know Babe," he leant down to capture her lips. "I've been missing these tonight," he mumbled against her lips.

"Mattt…Don't change the subject," she mentioned. "I want you to know that I want your opinion on me taking leave…"

Matt groaned as he moved off of her. "I'm telling you again, I will support you in any decision that you make. That being said, I will say something if I think you're no longer coping, or if something happens. But I'm happy to stick to the plan of you leaving and moving into an office around 30 weeks. I'm on board with that decision." Gabby smiled, she knew that they would be on the same page, this was just a little hiccup in the road. "Now with that out of the way," Matt grinned as he lowered himself again, "I do believe that there is something else I would rather be doing," he laughed as he pulled the sheet over their heads, muffling her giggling with his mouth.

~ His legs are now longer than his arms, and he'll start giving you "hello" jabs at regular intervals ~

I have to say that when I was re-reading this during this evening I had a craving for Churros. So now I think I overate at San Churros tonight.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter - I really did want to wrap up the current Brett storyline and felt this was a good way to do it.

Let me know what you think ~ Em