I don't own the Flash or any of its characters.

Trigger warning: Mentions suicidal thoughts and feelings as well as anxiety, panic attacks and it does not explicitly mention and eating disorder but there are problems with eating so if any of this is going to trigger you, please do not read.

A/N: Here is chapter 4 and its longer than normal so please enjoy that! I hope you are enjoying reading as much as I am writing, if you are please let me know :) Anyways not proof-read and please enjoy!

The two entered Caitlin's home hand in hand. As soon as they had both exited the car Cisco had grabbed Caitlin's hand, she had really underestimated Cisco's desire for physical contact. The doctor shrugged off her coat and hung it up before kicking off her shoes, Cisco copied her and then headed over to the couch to dump in things down. He sat nervously on the edge of the seat by his things watching Caitlin move around the apartment quickly. After a couple of minutes, she came to a stop and turned to him, "What do you want for dinner?" she questioned, he shrugged at her,

"Whatever you want is good." The woman frowned a little at that, in the past Cisco usually made her eat whatever thing he was craving at that moment,

"Well, I'm a bit tired to cook, how about I just order some pizza," she suggested,

"Yeah, that's fine," Cisco responded, there didn't seem to be that much life in his voice, she couldn't tell if that was from his suicidal feelings and depression or that he was just exhausted, or possibly both. Caitlin picked up her phone and called Cisco's favourite pizza place, although he didn't seem to care what they ate, Caitlin wanted to make sure he did eat, and food he liked would help aid that a lot.

"Do you want to take a shower, while we wait for the takeout to arrive?" she asked gently. Cisco shrugged but made no effort to get of the couch. "Cisco, I think you should take a shower," she said more firmly this time, effectively making the decision for him. A couple tears welled up in Cisco's eyes, but he wiped them away before she could notice, he didn't feel safe in himself to be alone right now, but he didn't know how to express that to her, so he just got up and walked into the bathroom in silence, closing the door behind him but not locking it, trying not to feel to separate the woman who was keeping him safe from himself.

Caitlin heard the water turn on and she sighed a little, how had she not realised her best friend was in so much pain. She felt bad and guilty that she had left him alone to suffer for so long by himself, but she pushed those feelings away quickly, she had come to him and right now this was about Cisco not herself, she could deal with her feelings in a healthy way later but right now Cisco needed her, and she needed to be strong for him. She listens to the water for a moment when she realised that Cisco didn't have a change of clothes or any towels, she went into her bedroom to grab some and opened up his bag to grab his clothes. She then lightly knocked on the bathroom door and tried the handle, to her surprise it wasn't locked, and she slowly made her way into the bathroom,

"It's only me Cisco," she called out, letting him know she was in the room with him, "I just brought you some towels and a pair of pyjamas to change into when your done," she told him. Cisco sniffled quietly trying to compose his voice before he responded to her, so she wouldn't know he was crying in the shower and think he was pathetic and kick him out,

"T-thanks C-Cait," his voice caught in his throat and his words came out watery and stuttered. He froze. Had she noticed?

"Cisco are you okay in there?"

'Shit!' he thought to himself. Well, that answered that question, of course she had noticed, it was Caitlin the most observant person he knew, and she was probably hyperaware of everything he was doing and saying now that he told her he wanted to die. When Caitlin didn't get a response she tried again,

"Cisco, I need you to let me know your okay." Silence. Behind the shower curtain Cisco was trying to stop the hard crying for long enough to answer her, but he couldn't seem to manage it. He wanted to tell her, he needed her to stay, that when he is alone the bad thoughts are hard to deal with and that he can see her razors and he's finding it all really triggering, but he was so overwhelmed with all these emotions, nothing came out. Caitlin couldn't see this internal conflict though as she was stood on the other side of the curtain. She tried a final time,

"Cisco if you don't answer me, I'm coming in," her voice was higher than normal, strained in panic. Cisco took a few deep breathes,

"C-Cait," he cried, his knees crumpled below him, and he landed on the floor of the bath, shower combo, crying harshly. He couldn't do this right now, he wanted out.

"Cisco I'm coming in," the doctor warned grabbing a towel and holding it out in front of her. She pulled back the shower curtain and gasped quietly at the sight before her. Quickly she shut off the water and wrapped the towel she was holding around Cisco's body. Reaching out a hand to rub his back soothingly, she guided him through taking some deep breathes like she had done earlier, "that's it. Well done," she praised him as he got his breathing back under control and his crying had turned into soft sniffles. He was shaking from the cold and his towel was now damp around him. He stood up and wobbled a little, taking Caitlin's hand that she had offered him to help climb out from the tub. Cait handed him another towel and he accepted it gratefully, at that moment there was a knock at the door and the scientist jumped a little, "its just the pizza," she reassured him, "Will you be okay for a minute?" he nodded in response and Caitlin left the bathroom, leaving the door cracked open behind her and went to retrieve the pizza.

In the bathroom, Cisco quickly dried off with the fresh towel Caitlin had provided him with and then got changed into his pyjamas. He smiled softly they were his galaxy pyjamas, his softest most comfortable ones, he had told Cait that once and he felt a feeling of warmth in him when he realised, she must have remembered that. For a moment he felt cared for and worth something, before his mind attacked him again and the warm feelings left him. Sighing he exited the bathroom and went over to where Caitlin was putting out the pizza on her coffee table. He sat down on the couch and leant back into the cushions, trying to calm his mind. Caitlin left the room for a moment before returning with two glasses of water, "Help yourself," she told him, indicating to the pizza laid out in front of him. She took a seat next to the man and turned on the television, she put on an episode of Friends quietly so that they would have some background noise and then she picked up a piece of pizza. She glanced over at Cisco who hadn't picked up any yet, but she didn't say anything wanting to give him a moment. She had almost finished her first slice when he did eventually pick up a piece of pizza and nibbled it slowly. Not drawing attention to it she picked up another slice of pizza for herself and continued to eat, but inside she was celebrating a little, it looked like Cisco hadn't eaten properly in weeks, judging my his sucken in cheeks. She was incredibly thankful that he was eating now.

After two and half slices of pizza, Cisco put down the food and declared he had eaten as much as he could. Caitlin nodded not wanting to push her luck, "Could you drink all the water please, I think your quite dehydrated," she asked him, thinking that was a reasonable enough request. Cisco nodded and sipped his water over the course of the next couple of minutes until it was all gone. "Do you want anything else?" Cait asked him after he had set the glass back down. Cisco shook his head. "Okay, how about you go a brush your teeth and get ready for bed while I put these in the dishwasher and get changed," she suggested.

"Okay," Cisco gave a one-word response. He was tired and emotional and even though he wanted to say more he couldn't bring himself. Luckily Caitlin wasn't pushing him too much to talk at the moment, trying only to get him to eat enough and get a decent night of rest. It took Cisco around ten minutes to get ready for bed and when he emerged from the bathroom Caitlin was perched on the arm of her couch, dressed in pyjamas, waiting for him.

"So, I was thinking we can share my bed, its big enough for the both of us. Only if you're comfortable with that though, if you're not I will sleep on the couch," she told him.

"I couldn't let you take the couch," Cisco responded shifting uncomfortably on his feet at the offer of her not sleeping in her own bed,

"It's alright really, it's quite comfortable," she reassured him, smiling gently. Cisco shifted again, he really didn't want to be alone, and Caitlin had offered to share the bed with him, but he didn't know if she was really okay with that. "Cisco it's alright really, I am fine on the couch," Caitlin told him when she didn't get a response.

"I-don't-want-to-be-alone" he rushed out quietly.

"Sorry?" Caitlin asked not quite catching what he said.

"I don't want to be alone," he repeated slower, but just as quietly,

"Alright so we will share the bed," she told him,

"Are you okay with that?" Cisco asked her, looking nervous,

"Yeah, I offered in the first place didn't I," she said, reaching out her hand to him and letting him grab on tightly. She pulled him into a hug and smiled when she heard him sigh softly and melt into her embrace. After a moment she pulled away, "Go get into bed and I'll join you in a moment." She instructed him, he nodded and walked away. Caitlin then went into the bathroom herself to get ready to go to sleep and then grabbed them both a glass of water in case they got thirsty in the night. She entered the bedroom five minutes later a glass in each hand. She carefully set one glass on the side where Cisco was and then one on the other side of the bed. "You need anything?" she asked him,

"Could you leave the hall light on?" he questioned softly and embarrassed blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"Of course," she responded, rubbing his arm softly to let him know it was okay, she cracked the bedroom door to let a little bit of light into the room and then climbed into bed herself. She turned off her light and Cisco did the same then they both settled down under the covers. The doctor felt shifting next to her in the bed, and she turned her head slightly to look at Cisco's face. It was scrunched up, like he was trying to hold back tears, she whispered softly, "Come cuddle Cisco," and held open her arms, he didn't need to be told twice, practically throwing himself into her arms, and relaxing almost immediately in her arms. "Try to get some sleep hon, I'm right here if you need me," she said softly.

"Goodnight Cait," was the man's response,

"Goodnight Cisco." With his head against her chest, listening to her heartbeat, Cisco gradually drifted off to sleep.