恭喜发财 ~ Gōng xǐ fā cái ~ Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Wishing you all happiness and prosperity! I don't think I'm going to be able to eat at least for the next two days.
For my music suggestion for the week - Head over to YouTube and check out "Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran Cover | Aladdin on Broadway Cast | Disney Sessions" Adam Jacobs has an amazing voice and I've had this on repeat for the entire time that I wrote this chapter. The smooth jazz version is just something a little different.
To my latest guest review – thank you. I'm sorry I can't reply to you personally. But thank you for your kind words and review. Congratulations on the twins and I hope this chapter helps pass a few more moments for you. Rebecca - thanks for doing your thing too!
Anyway, let me know what you think ~Em
Week Twenty Eight
~ Candidate is the size of a kabocha squash ~
Matt felt a breath become stuck in his throat as he watched Gabby gingerly make her way down the stairs. Gabby had one hand on the bannister, running it slowly down as she took each careful step down, the click of her shoes reverberating around the small room, and the other holding onto her long dress - Matt was mesmerised. His wife was stunning with a dress on that he had never seen before, his wife was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon and when she looked like this, soft curls cascading over her shoulders, he almost forgot how to breathe. Gabby had a floor length ethereal blue dress on with an intricate floral lace overlay, Matt was surprised that he even knew those words. Actually, on closer inspection he found that it was only the lace that was blue, the soft material dress underneath was more of a graphite colour. She looked amazing and he knew that many eyes were going to be on her tonight. He stretched out his hand to help her down the last few steps. He gave her a light grin when he found that she had worn a pair of lowish heels, well lower than normal for her.
"You look breathtaking," whispered Matt as he pressed a swift kiss to her cheek. A blush flushed over her cheeks as she took his hand and allowed herself to be lead towards the kitchen and ultimately towards the back door.
Gabby didn't always feel like she was the same beautiful woman who Matt had fallen in love with, no matter how many times he reminded her. So when she had found out about this late New Year celebration that was being held for Chicago aldermen, she had been on a desperate search for a gown to wear. It hadn't helped that it was so cold still at this time of the year. In the end she had spent a little more than she had previously anticipated doing, but by all accounts it was going to be a dress that she would be able to wear after Smudge was born. Something to do with the acetate and elastane it was made from. It was totally worth the length that she had to get taken up. With the lowest pair of heels she could still fit her feet into she was hoping that she could knock Matt's socks off.
Looking up into his pale blue lust filled eyes, Gabby was pretty sure she had hit the mark with what she had on. Pushing her bag off her shoulder and backing her up towards the wall, Matt started to slide his hand around her waist. He felt the roughness of the lace that covered her back contrasting with her silky smooth skin. He held her close with their foreheads touching as he tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear, brushing a finger against her chandelier earrings, all the while trying desperately to keep himself under control. If he could, he would be picking her up bridal style and marching back up the stairs to their bedroom.
"You are stunning baby," he repeated staring deep into her eyes. Slowly Matt traced his thumb along her jaw line slightly raising her chin up to place a feather-light kiss on her soft lips. Gabby felt a spine tingling shiver course through her. Her hands went around his biceps, tightening slightly as she began to feel weak at the knees, toes curling in an attempt to stabilise her balance. She had absolutely no desire to leave his arms, but consciously she knew that they had to leave, even as Matt leant down for a searing kiss. Matt too knew they had to leave, but pushed those thoughts out of his mind bringing his hands to tangle into her curls, tugging on the roots slightly as he deepened the kiss. Wanting greater access, Gabby angled her body slightly away so Matt wasn't covering her belly with his own body, but rather giving him a chance to pull her closer. Moaning against his lips one last time, Gabby regretfully pulled away from him.
Taking a deep somewhat shaky breath she smoothed down her hair to make it more presentable.
"Do you think anyone will miss us?" Matt spoke quietly, not wanting to break the spell that they were in.
Gabby nodded her head ruefully knowing that they needed to go, with only a certain number of alderman in the state he would likely be missed. So without another word she adjusted his silver silk tie, smoothing down his black suit as she went.
With a slight giggle she also had to wipe off the lipstick from Matt's face. "Is there any still even on my face?" she questioned holding up a stained finger. Matt had enough decency to look sheepish as he shook his head. Gabby reached for her small clutch, finding that it was on the floor. Glaring up at Matt, he obediently leant down to pick it up for her. Snatching it up quickly she began digging through for her lipstick before disappearing into the powder room off of the kitchen to reapply it.
"Suppose we should go," huffed Matt trying to calm himself down enough so they were actually able to leave their house. Internally he was cursing whichever 'stupid' person had come up with this alderman's new years party. Whoever it was, it was their fault. If they hadn't been invited, then they wouldn't have had to leave the house. No rather, they would have been able to be heading back upstairs.
Gabby strained to hear the words as she started to sway to the gentle piano music that was playing in the background. Matt had been pulled away by another alderman, he was from the 32nd ward she thought. Looking around at the wives, partners and significant others surrounding her Gabby sighed inaudibly. This was completely different to the Department Gala - there she knew people, she had her friends from 51. Here she was feeling very young, it seemed to her that most of the aldermen in the City of Chicago were older gentlemen for the most part. And the two young ladies she had seen on their way in were on the arms of men who were seemingly double their own ages, at least double. Not that Gabby made too many judgements on people, each to their own, she had mentioned to Matt that they may have thought to wear just a little more than a slip. Her little black dress would have been considered modest compared to what they were wearing.
After mingling for just short of 40 minutes she had mentioned to Matt that she was tired and was going to take a seat. Matt had offered to take her home, but Gabby would hear nothing of it. She knew how important a night like this was to Matt and his career as an Alderman. Yet she caught herself thinking, not for the first time tonight, that hopefully Matt wouldn't run for another term. She had desperately pushed him to run, to make a difference in the ward - but between all of their roles and responsibilities she would be quite happy for him to be home more. With everything changing in their lives, it would be nice to have him home.
When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks
Gabby paused her swaying to listen to the words carefully. This wasn't the version that she was used to hearing. But this gentle piano version had changed the mood and feeling of the song so much. It was much more of a light jazz piece now and was easy listening. 'It would be so much easier to dance to now,' thought Gabby.
And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Oh me I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am
'This song wasn't a duet normally,' Gabby thought to herself. Yet in her mind is was working surprisingly well, as she closed her eyes and let herself start to sway in her seat again. She wondered to herself who is was singing, she hadn't seen a live band in all the time that they had been here. That would have been surprising to say the least.
"Mrs Casey?" a voice pulled her out of her own little musical world. Slowly opening her eyes, the first thing she noticed was a hand was outstretched, waiting for her to stand up. Her eyes connected with the top of the legs of her mystery person. Slowly she raked her eyes up the length of the man's body, admiring the well cut suit and perfectly tied Windsor knot. When her eyes finally reached his, Gabby allowed a full smile to be shown to Matt, who himself had a little smirk on his face.
Gabby shook her head gently, all the while still swaying. "Matt, I couldn't. I'm much too big to be close dancing with you…" she grumbled good naturedly whilst gesturing down to her stomach.
Matt shook his head, offering his hand once more. "C'mon Gabby… I'm not asking to go out clubbing and shaking it with Brett... I'm asking the most beautiful woman in the room to dance with her husband," he flattered in the hopes that she would come along. "C'mon!" he insisted, wriggling his fingers in her face.
Rolling her eyes at him, she finally relented and allowed him to help her to her feet. On the short walk to the dance floor, Gabby noticed that many more of the older couple were dancing too.
So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
Maybe we found love right where we are
Gabby manoeuvred herself so she was able to lean her head over Matt's chest. Smiling down at her, he dropped a quick kiss onto the crown of her head.
"Do you remember the last time we danced to this?" he whispered so she would be the only one to hear his question.
"It wasn't that long ago, was it?" she questioned equally as quiet.
"Funny Mrs. Casey," he teased.
Gabby lifted her head off his chest to stare deep into his endless blue eyes. "I could never forget Matt. I'll remember our first dance as husband and wife for the rest of my life."
When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm
I know you will still love me the same
Gabby allowed the words to rush over her as she reached up to tap Matt on the nose, laughing to herself slightly. She was instantly transported back to their wedding day and the amount of fun they had actually had. Matt had organised for their wedding car to be an old red ford tudor which Gabby had adored. Plus, Kelly in that car was like giving a kid the keys to the candy store.
They had driven by the Chicago Firehouse Restaurant and Kelly had moved to the front and stuck his head next to the driver and asked him to stop. Luckily for them, their photographer was behind them and was able to stop too. Gabby and Matt had spoken at length about the Firehouse Restaurant, they had even considered having their reception there but in the end had decided against it. And they had thought about having photos in front of the building, yet Kelly insisted that they do it.
The photo that sat atop of their office desk was one from outside the firehouse. Kelly and Matt had been joking around about their turnout coats. Matt had even offered to ring Herrmann and get him to pick up his coat and drop it off to where they were having their photos taken. 'Would you look good in that white dress and my turnout coat?' Matt had asked her.
'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen
Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand
Matt remembered that time they had danced to this same song, albeit the original version. The Caseys had gone through their share of ups and downs to ever get to walking down the aisle. All being said, Matt would never be able to wipe the memory of Gabby walking towards him on the arm of her father in an elegant white dress. He would never forget her curly hair which she had left down, he had to clasp his hands together as she walked closer to him as an attempt to not reach out and run his hands through the curls. Kelly had taken a step forward to remind him to breathe at that exact moment.
Now baby now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are, oh
"Well at least I don't need to worry about stepping on the long train this time," joked Matt as they swayed to the music. Gabby giggled as she pulled the bottom of the dress away from Matt's feet.
"Yes, I did think about that…" she spoke. "I even had it taken up so your feet didn't stomp on it… Yeah that's right, I remember you nearly stepping on my wedding dress."
Matt raised his eyebrows at her before breaking into a grin. "That was a hell of a dress Gabby. You should have done something with that train thingy…" Shaking her head slightly, Gabby laid his head back onto his chest, enjoying the steady beating of his heart.
And we found love right where we are
Right where we are
Matt dipped her slightly, just from her upper back. "Another one?" he questioned. Just as she was about to give an affirmative answer the music changed from the slow jazz to a much faster paced song and Gabby shook her head.
"Don't think Smudge and I are quite up to that," she mentioned as they made their way back to the table. "Could you get me something to drink please?" Watching Matt walk towards the bar, Gabby rested a hand on her belly as she surveyed the room watching as the 'younger' people in attendance made their way onto the dance floor.
"Mrs Casey?" an uncertain voice came from behind her. Gabby spun around to find a woman of a similar age to her. She was slightly unsure how this person knew her name or why she was being spoken to. Generally, at these events everyone wanted to speak to Matt, never to her.
"Yes?" her unsure voice came.
"Oh I am sorry…" spoke the other woman, extending her hand. "I'm Jessica Martin. I'm Joshua Martin's wife, Alderman for the 38th ward," Jessica spoke. Seeing that the confusion was still on Gabby's face, she gestured to the seats beside them. Gabby was grateful as she lowered her body to the somewhat uncomfortable seat. "Alderman Casey gathered a lot of press attention all throughout Chicago. And there was scarcely a photo without you next to him."
"Yes, so I heard," mumbled Gabby, her mind moving straight to Susan.
"Oh, I meant nothing by it," apologised Jessica. "It's only… It's only I've been to many of these things and very rarely is there anyone that I would be able to talk to. Or even want to talk to. Honestly," Jessica lowered her voice. "It's like everyone is nearly over a hundred… The alderman from Ward 14 was elected in 1969. And even those who are were elected recently, so many of them are much older than us. I was just happy that there is finally someone else who is the same age… Or near enough…"
"What about them?" Gabby questioned pointing at the young blonde pair of girls who were sipping what Gabby had surmised to be cocktails from a distance.
Jessica shook her head swiftly, "They are what I like to refer to as the blonde achievement girls. The aldermen that they come with have a rotation of girls. Different one for every event. And if you don't mind I would prefer to have a decent adult conversation. Unless you want to talk about the latest skimpy fashion I wouldn't bother. I get better conversation with my three year old," she joked.
"You have children?" asked Gabby intrigued.
Nodding, "Two," she confirmed. "Belle who is my three year old and Craig, our eldest is nearly five…"
Gabby pondered how she was going to ask the next question, but thoughts had been trapped in the back of her mind with all the work that Matt was doing and honestly she was wondering how much longer he could hold up to the pace he was currently travelling at. Here presented in front of her was a woman who had children and seemingly had to juggle children with a serving alderman. "I was wondering…" Looking up at Jessica she waited for a nod of her head as confirmation that she could ask her question. "I was wondering how you managed it all?"
"When are you due?"
"April…"
"So not too long now," Jessica told her with a warm smile. "It's a juggling act, I'll tell you that. This is Josh's second term and I'll be honest with a nearly 12 month old at the time I wasn't sure if I wanted him to run again. But this is a full-time gig for him… Not that there's anything wrong with having another job," she hurried to say when she saw Gabby's eyes flashover.
"Hey…" Matt interrupted, placing a glass down in front of her. "Matt Casey," he offered his hand to Jessica as she too introduced herself. "Please don't let me interrupt. A couple of the other aldermen are planning a golfing day. So I might just…" Gabby nodded to him as he placed a quick kiss to her forehead and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"How do you do it with all the commitments and two kids and everything?" Gabby questioned, her eyes taking in his retreating form. "Sorry, that was quite personal." Jessica was quick to brush her off.
"Don't worry about it… It's nice to have someone to talk to. I would have loved to have someone to talk to when Josh first became a politician. For us, it works better as a family. Josh is helping out our community and ward and still gets to come home to us and play Daddy with our kids. He was a lawyer before he gave it up to be an alderman, and he was never home, never got to put Craig to bed. Who knows, one day he might go back to it. But this is what works for us. I did read that Alderman Casey was still working his regular job…"
Gabby nodded in confirmation, "Matt never wanted to become an alderman. I wanted him to make a difference, our ward wanted him to make a difference. But Matt is a firefighter, there's not much out there that would make him give that up," Gabby honestly told her.
"Then let me tell you this Gabby, from an alderman's wife who has been by his side for a lot of political ups and downs. You will make it work. And what works for the Martin family might not be right for the Casey family. But I do know you'll work it out. It's what we alderman wives do best - support our man and hold it all together."
Gabby dropped her bag on the kitchen counter as they walked into their house. As Matt dragged his feet behind her, he loosened his tie before finally pulling at it and discarding the piece of material next Gabby's bag. He watched as Gabby struggled to take off her heels. She tried to hop on one foot for a moment, but she just couldn't quite manoeuvre her leg behind her back around her belly high enough for her to actually get a good enough grip on the shoe. Next she tried bending from her side so she could somehow get her belly out of the way and shoe a bit closer to her hands. Matt knew that this wasn't going to stop anytime soon, Gabby would keep going until she managed to get it off. Taking pity on her, he came up behind her putting some pressure on the small of her back.
She looked up and gave him a soft smile as she took his other hand into her own allowing him to lead her over to the couch. Sighing in relief as Matt removed her shoes, Gabby started to roll her ankles in the air after Matt took a seat next to her. They sat in a comfortable silence with Gabby's head resting on his shoulder. Matt sighed contentedly as he brought his hand up to run through her curls. The longer they sat there Gabby felt something slightly different.
Gabby's hand came to rest on the top of her belly, just under her bra line. She stared off into the distance for a while, her hand moving slightly every so often.
"What is it?" Matt questioned noticing that Gabby had drifted into herself.
"I think Smudge has the hiccups…" Gabby stated. It was a slightly different feeling. At first, she thought that it was just Smudge kicking to make sure that both parents knew that they were there. But it was much too rhythmic for it to simply be kicking. It was a weird pulsing sensation at the top of her belly.
Matt smiled as his hand went to the base of her belly.
"His head must be up at the moment. Clara mentioned that Smudge would still be moving around, sometimes head up and sometimes head down. But I can definitely feel it at the top of my belly. The hiccups are like an exciting variation on the kicks and turns I've been feeling for weeks now. It's like little rhythmic or jerky movements," she explained to him. Taking pity on him she grabbed his hand and placed it over where she was feeling the movement.
Matt smiled as he felt the familiar movement under his hand, "It's not as strong as the kicks I felt earlier," he noted.
Gabby shook her head, "That's what makes me think it's hiccups. It's amazing to feel him moving all the time now…"
"That's the second time that you've mentioned him," pointed out Matt as he pulled her closer in and undoing the sash that was around her waist. "Are you coming around to my idea that it's a boy?" he grinned.
Gabby pursed her lips and adamantly shook her head. "He today, her tomorrow. I'm sharing it out," she laughed. Matt joined in before untangling himself to remove his jacket. "Did I tell you that I shocked our baby into giving me a swift hard kick in the ribs at the academy last week? It was so hard that it nearly took my breath away…" Matt shook his head encouraging her to continue her story. "It was during the seminar I gave last week. I may have shouted at the class…"
Matt raised his eyebrows questioningly at her. It actually didn't surprise him all that much, he knew that his wife had a temper. But at the same time it would have had to have been a pretty major event for her to lose her temper at a group of students. Generally, things have to have been building for her to explode.
"Argument between firefighters and EMTs about who is more important," Gabby glossed over the minor details. "Anyway I shouted and it obviously woke a snoozing Smudge who gave me a swift kick to let me know. I don't think I've ever felt a kick so hard, it was a struggle to catch my breath. But I just need to get my students out of my class and moving. But Smudge obviously takes after Daddy…. Going to be quite the kicker…"
Matt smiled at this, wondering what it was going to be like to have a little boy that he could teach how to kick a ball and take him to the baseball and ice hockey. It had disappointed him for many months that he hadn't been able to take Louie to a Blackhawks game. There had always been plans to, but both he and Gabby had reasoned that at three years old, maybe he was a little young for a Hawks game. And then everything had taken a turn in a different direction and so Matt had never had the chance to take the little boy to any sporting events. He couldn't wait to change this fact with their new little baby.
"Tired yet?" he questioned, nodding slightly as Gabby shook her head.
"It's just nice here." She looked around, most of the house was still in darkness, the fire was on its last legs. It was dying down now yet it was still warm enough in the house. Matt had dimmed the lights and it almost felt like the calm before the storm.
"You aren't working tomorrow are you? Daley Day?" Gabby confirmed. Once she had confirmation she pulled her leg up onto the couch and snuggled into Matt. Shifting around Matt pulled her back into his chest so he was able to rest both of his hands on her bump, amazed that he was still feeling Smudge hiccup away.
"You comfortable? Or did you want to get out of this dress?"
Gabby shook her head. "I'm perfect right here… I cannot believe how comfortable this dress is. The material is like butter against my skin…" raved Gabby smoothing down the dress.
"It does feel incredibly soft," agreed Matt as he dropped a quick kiss on her shoulder.
"I'll admit that I was concerned about how I was going to feel after such a long night out. I thought that I would be ready to get out of it the minute we got home, but it's not at all tight around my belly." Matt nodded along with her words.
He gently ran his hands over her belly as he let his mind wander over what was going to be coming up over the next few months. "Babe?"
"Hmm…" came the slightly sleepy reply
"It's okay," Matt brushed off. There would be no point even trying to have a serious conversation with her whilst she was tired. Gabby caught something in Matt's tone that caused her to become wide awake. Twisting to look at his face - there was something in Matt's eyes that told her there was something off. Clouded behind his eyes was a look of worry and one that Gabby might even describe as fear.
"What is it?" Gabby questioned as she struggled to sit upright. Once Matt gave her a hand, Gabby settled herself up against the other end of the couch so she was able to look Matt square in the face. "What is it?" she repeated.
"You know when you come to the house a few weeks ago, we were out at a fire? Why?" Matt skirted about the actual issue. Gabby raised a pondering eyebrow at him.
"Matt, I know you don't love me driving at night, especially when there has been snow," Gabby started to defend herself thinking that Matt was getting ready to point out the safeness aspect of that night. During her time as both a paramedic and firefighter had she attended too many scenes with an inexperienced driver in the snow, even the most experienced drivers could meet with danger on the icy roads. And although she hated to admit it her reactions probably weren't as fast as they used to be.
"No," Matt took her hand gently. "I mean why did you come to the house? Although if you stayed off the icy roads…"
"I just couldn't sleep Matt," she confessed.
"So you decided that my uncomfortable bunk would be a good idea?" he interrupted not quite believing what it was he was hearing. If he had the choice of the large comfy bed upstairs or firehouse 51, he knew exactly which one would win. There was not one piece of comfortable furniture in his office.
"That night, did you know that we had spent exactly 8 nights apart since we've been married? Whether we're sharing a bed or not, since we've been married we've always been at the same house albeit sometimes just sharing the house. And there had been 5 nights that I was all alone in our big bed, I'm just not used to being there by myself," she divulged. "There was no use tossing and turning here. I thought it might just help seeing you," she gave him a shy smile ducking her head slightly.
"Seeing you curled up on my bed… It made me wonder about being parents… Well me really."
Something clicked inside Gabby, she wondered if this was coming from the conversation she overheard, well more like a monologue from him. If there was anyone who was going to be a good parent it was Matthew Casey, there was no denying it. "Matt, there's no such thing as a perfect parent…" Matt scoffed slightly.
"Really?" he questioned, an almost disbelieving tone in his voice, his hand slipping away from hers. "Have you met your parents? They are about as close to perfect as anyone can get. You have no idea how lucky you and Antonio are to have that relationship as a model."
"That's not fair," Gabby bit back, straighten her back ready to give Matt a piece of her mind. What had gotten into him? They had been having a pleasant evening and now here he seemingly having a go. "That doesn't make everything ok and let me tell you this Matt - they are not perfect; no one is…"
"Pretty close to it," Matt grumbled under his breath.
"Hey," Gabby's hand shot out to grab his arm causing him to look over. "Yes my parents are good parents and they have a good marriage - but they don't define us Matt. We are different people…"
"Seemed to rub off on Antonio… I have seen him with Eva and Diego..." he continued to grumble, a little louder this time. And if looks could kill, Matt might be dead, at the least seriously wounded.
"And what does that say about their marriage huh?" Gabby questioned. "Once again Mamá and Papá's marriage isn't perfect - but if your theory was right, then Antonio and Laura would still be married. But they're not. They had their own marriage with their own problems just like Mamá and Papá do… Just like we will." Matt shook his head slightly, pausing for a beat to take in everything that Gabby was actually saying to him. "Matt," she implored, "you always were the one to remind me that we aren't either of our parents or siblings. We're on our own journey."
Huffing, he stood up, not willing to continue on with the conversation - in his mind it was a stupid idea to even bring this up. He didn't know how to even say what he was feeling. He never did.
As he went to take a step away from the couch, Gabby reached out to grab his wrist, stopping him in his track. "Matt," she spoke softly, "What is it honestly?" Tugging on his hand slightly, she encouraged him to sit back down and swung her own legs over the edge of the couch. Silently, patiently she waited for him to speak. Never once pressuring him to speak. She was sure that at least ten minutes had passed before he finally spoke up.
"How do I do it? How am I supposed to be a good husband, a good firefighter, a good alderman and most importantly a good father? It's not that I had the best role model…" Matt trailed off. Gabby had to fight hard to keep the look of shock off her face. Matt had always come across confident about their expanding family. Even in the time when she had been fearful of the impending future, he had never swayed in his happiness in knowing that this was right for his family. Matt had wanted to be a father for as long as Gabby could remember, she could remember as clear as day that time they had spent at the park with the Darden boys when she had called him out on it. He wanted this - and it wasn't that she was questioning it, but if she was honest she had been expecting this reaction sooner or later. No matter how sure he was about everything. Sooner or later a changing future would hit anyone in the face.
Matt watched apprehensively as very few emotions passed over Gabby's face. He had expected some form of reaction from her. The lack of anything from her was perplexing. He didn't know exactly what it was he was expecting from her, but complete silence wasn't it. The main concern that he had been harbouring that had been preventing him ever saying something before the fear that Gabby wasn't going to be understanding or would be hormonal and not let him explain himself. Deep down he thought it was really coming back to what he was thinking of himself. A fear that he wasn't going to be a good father and everything was going to be a disaster.
"Why do you say that?" Gabby questioned carefully.
"I mean look at my role model compared to yours…" Gabby let him keep talking rather than interjecting about her own parents again. "You come from this family who loves and cares for each other without question. My own mother killed my father. And he was abusive - what do I know about being a good father? What do I do if Smudge hates me, like I hated my father?" he questioned staring at Gabby's belly. Gingerly almost as if he was fearful of being rejected he reached out a hand to place in on her stomach.
"Matt that's not going to happen," Gabby confidently told him, her own hand coming to rest atop his. "Don't protest, I know it's not going to happen. You aren't your father Matt and you need to stop thinking that. You're not going to be a perfect parent, no one is. But I've heard you talk to Smudge and I've heard you talk about Smudge, you already love him so much. Baby that's all any child could want. You were amazing with Louie - why would Smudge be any different?"
Matt lifted his head, moving his thumb in a rubbing motion. "You sound like Herrmann, you know that?"
"Did you get the father Herrmann talk?" Upon confirmation Gabby continued to chat. "Even though Papá is living here in Chicago now, Herrmann still is and probably always will be our firehouse dad. He's been there for so much of our journey Matt. And with five children I would trust most things he says," she laughed. "Most," she emphasised.
"I told Herrmann that I feel like I'm on a ride that I can't get off," he smiled wryly. "And he told me that he had five children who turned out alright. If he can do it then so could I. Tough lieutenant like me who can handle Crotis would be okay."
"You know I've kinda been expecting this Matt…" Gabby looked up to find wide blue eyes questioning her. "This," she started motioning to ever expanding waistline, "This was always going to be a big change in life. And I know we talk about Louie, but…"
"But he was different…" supplied Matt. "Louie came to us able to speak and tell us what he wanted and what was wrong. I'm not so versed in cry-language."
Gabby laughed lightly. "And I know you've always wanted to be a dad… But I expected that sooner or later everything would hit you, the whole enormity of the situation was finally going to hit you. I had the freak out months ago, now it's just your turn. Every parent worries Matt, it's normal."
"I'm supposed to be there for you Gabby, I promised you that."
"And you were," she assured him, "Every time I needed. And this doesn't make me question you - But it's my turn to lift you up. You promised me that on our wedding day that's what we do for each other, we lift each other up."
Matt looked down at her smiling face with loved filled eyes. This was just a bump in their road to parenthood, and he was sure that it was going to be one of many. Smirking he pulled her closer to him and covered her warm lips with own.
Pulling back after a moment or so, she slowly steadied her breathing. "Matt," Gabby took his hand into her own, "Smudge is so lucky to have a hero for a daddy… No, don't scoff… Think about it. On any given work shift, when we attend a fire, all of the 'everyday' people are running away from the danger, away from the fire. But not you… You're running headlong into the danger to save people. That makes you a special person. And your child is going to think the world of you. Their daddy is a hero. That's what they're going to think. No one is perfect Matt… No one is meant to be."
~ She is beginning to open her eyes and blink ~
Obviously I don't own the song 'Thinking out loud' by Ed Sheeran or the version that I had playing in my mind. Like I mentioned earlier go check out the Dinsey cover.
Thanks for reading guys. I'm actually going to take a bit of a break. I had been planning, since last year, that I was going to post this story once a week for the entire 40 weeks, that you were all going to read the story in a real time pregnancy. But it just isn't going to happen, sorry. I'm starting back at work on Monday in a new position, same school but something new for me. And I just know that I need to sort myself out with real life things first. I'm sure I'll keep writing and then hopefully I'll be back with the last 11 weeks or so before we get to meet Smudge.