I don't own the Flash or any of its characters.
Trigger warning: Mentions suicidal thoughts and feelings as well as anxiety, in-depth descriptions of self-harm and eating problems, so if any of this is going to trigger you, please do not read.
A/N: Here is chapter number eight people, this chapter did not turn out what I thought it would be but I'm kind of happy with it anyway. If you like it to please leave me a review they are awesome. So, sorry for any mistakes and as always enjoy :)
When Caitlin and Cisco returned home for the evening, Cisco seemed clingy but unsure of himself, he was holding onto the doctor's hand, keeping his body as close to her as possibly without being to close that she was tripping over him. His heart thundered in his chest, he wanted this close contact, but it had only been an hour and a half since he had burned his arm and it was definitely still red enough for it to be noticeable to Caitlin. So, he was worried about getting too close to her, in case she caught a glimpse of the mutilation he had done to himself. Caitlin tugged him over to the couch with her and collapsed onto it, dragging him down with her, "Ugh, I'm exhausted," she groaned closing her eyes and hauling Cisco into her arms, so he back was leaning against her chest. He laughed at her antics and cuddled down into her, briefly forgetting about what he had done to himself. Hearing his laugh, the doctor smiled brightly and tightened her grip around his waist. The two sat in silence, enjoying each other's company, Caitlin felt like she could stay there forever, at the moment they were safe, no one was dying, they didn't have to save anyone, there was no emergency, it was just two best friends enjoying there time together, finding comfort in each other's arms. However, Cait pulled away when she felt her eyes becoming heavy, she knew she was that close to actually falling asleep, and the position they were in wouldn't be good for either of their backs. As she pushed Cisco off her, she heard him whine at the lost of contact and her heart melted just a little, she wouldn't tell him, because it would probably hurt his feelings and embarrasses him, but she couldn't help finding him a little cute when he was whiny. "Come on Cisco, we've got to eat and shower and get ready for bed, before we can cuddle and sleep." She told him, standing up from the couch and groaning a little as she stretched out her sore joints. Cisco felt his face distort into her look of discomfort much to his disappointment. He tried to change back to a more neutral look before Caitlin saw, but she caught it and gave him a gentle smile, she knew exactly what he was thinking, that's what happened when you were best friends with someone as long as he and Caitlin had been. He was worried about eating again, his stomach still uncomfortable from lunch and showering, because he would be alone. He knew Caitlin liked to shower in the morning, she said it got her ready for the day, but Cisco liked to shower in the evening choosing to spend as long as he could in bed in the mornings. Though, the doctor didn't know the other reason why he was so worried about the thought of showering, he didn't want to be alone, but also a part of him really wanted to, he was going to have to take a cold shower so he didn't aggravate his burns and when he got into and out of the shower, he would have to be extra careful about her not to seeing them. As Caitlin didn't know about the burns though she instantly suggested options to him, "Hey it okay," she told him, "Dinner can be something light and small, I just want to get something in you, and I can sit in the bathroom while to shower and wait outside the door, while you change, we can even leave it cracked open if you like. Just like we did this morning."
"Yes p-please," he stuttered out, that did seem like the best options to him, knowing that he wouldn't be allowed to not eat and not shower. Caitlin gave him a kind smile and moved to go and make dinner, Cisco followed her into the kitchen, not really knowing what to do with himself,
"What would you like," she asked, twirling around. Cisco merely shrugged, he couldn't think about food right now, his stomach hurt bad, and he really didn't want to eat,
"Hmm," the doctor hummed thoughtfully, she spun back around and started looking through cabinets, "breakfast for dinner," she murmured to herself so quietly, that Cisco didn't catch what she said, she grabbed a spatula and twirled quickly back around to face Cisco again, watching her do all this spinning made Cisco feel a little dizzy, but in spite of himself he smiled. She looked so comfortable and happy, which made him feel happy, "I want French toast, do you want French toast. I'm going to make French toast," she rambled, not giving him anytime to respond. Not that it mattered he would have just shrugged, she threw him the spatula that she was holding, without any warning. He managed to grab it, looking at her with her shocked expression, but she was just grinning, "Help me make the French toast," she demanded, but the grin on her face let him know that she was messing around. He got up and joined her at the stove, laughing together as they cooked. It was such a light-hearted situation that Cisco didn't stop to think that he would have to be eating this in a moment, with the normally serious doctor messing around and laughing next to him, his mind didn't get a chance to wander, all his attention was spent on watching what she was doing. When they had finished cooking Caitlin placed two pieces of the toast on Cisco's plate, topping them with a square of butter and a handful of strawberries from the fridge and did the same on her plate but with four slices of the toast. "Here you go sir," she told him with a low sweeping bow, Cisco laughed taking the plate and sat down, Caitlin quickly joined him, quickly munching onto her toast, before he had much of a chance to think about it Cisco found himself eating to. It wasn't till he had finished the first slice of toast that he realised how much he had eaten, his stomach gurgled uncomfortably, and he looked up at Caitlin, "Half of the second slice and all the berries," is all she said, Cisco nodded and slowly began to eat what she had told, when he had finished, he pushed back his plate and sat patiently waiting for Caitlin to finish.
When it was time for him to take his shower, all happiness he had felt earlier when they were cooking disappeared, he didn't want to do this, but before he had an opportunity to protest to Caitlin, she had dragged him into the bathroom with her. She plonked herself down on the closed toilet and raised an eyebrow expectantly, obviously waiting for him to start taking his clothes of and take a shower. Cisco knew she would turn away and give him all the privacy he needed when she saw him starting to take of his clothes, but he still couldn't bring himself to do it. He tried to work out why, she wasn't going to see his arms unless she actually got into the shower with him, so it couldn't be that. She wasn't going to leave him, while he was showering, so it couldn't be that. Frustrated Cisco reached a hand up and began tugging on his hair. His nose burned and tears pricked the corners of eyes, he couldn't do this. Before either person had time to process what was happening, Cisco had literally thrown himself onto Caitlin, sobbing. She grabbed a hold of him tight and slowly slid them both of the toilet and onto the bathroom floor. "Shhh, it's okay, you're okay. There's no rush, we can sit here for as long as you like," she attempted to reassure him. Cisco nodded against her chest, her shirt was wet with his tears and the hem of her shirt was clutched in his hand, refusing to release his hold on her, like he was scared she was going to move and leave him at any moment. "Deep breathes for me hon," the doctor began taking exaggerate breathes for him to copy. Feeling the steady movement of the rise and fall of her chest and stomach against him, he was able to calm down.
"I'm r-ready now," he stuttered, taking a deep breath. Caitlin nodded and let go of him, taking his hand and pulling him up with her as she stood. She turned on the shower, making sure it was warm before taking a seat on the closed toilet once more. She turned away when she saw Cisco begin to take off his clothes and didn't turn back until she heard the shower open and close behind the man as he stepped into the shower. "C-Cait, could you talk to me?" the scientist asked hesitantly,
"Of course," she said, before somehow manging to talk about everything and nothing at the same time, again. It was a real talent she had. She continued to talk the whole time, only asking questions that needed one word answers every now and again, so she knew he was alright still. Without having the razors on show Cisco was able to cope better in the shower, but he did have to turn the temperature of the water down when he got in, because as soon as the hot water hit his burns he hissed in pain. Luckily Cait hadn't heard as she was too busy filling the silence for him. After not to long, he was done and reached out of the shower for his towel, he secured it around his waist, and stepped out from behind the curtain making sure his arms were pressed against his body so she couldn't see the remaining redness from his burns. "I'll let you get changed, would you like the door open?" she asked him,
"Yes please." Caitlin nodded and left the bathroom leaving the door cracked open behind her.
It wasn't long after that, that the two of them got into Caitlin's bed for the night. It hadn't taken much discussion to decide the sleeping arrangements again that night. It was settled between them, that for as long as Cisco was staying with Caitlin, he would sleep in her bed with her. It saved either of them from sleeping on the couch and if Cisco needed the doctor she was right there. Cisco cuddled close into Caitlin, burying his face into her soft pyjamas and breathing in deeply, allowing him to be calmed by her presence, "Sweet dreams Cisco."
"Sweet dreams."