Chapter 10
Sad, Awkward, and Relieving Goodbyes

I knew life wouldn't let this night pass without something incredibly stupid happening.

"Merlin's saggy pants," Lacey mumbled next to me, summarizing my thoughts quite well.

Lily and her friends stayed frozen in place for a while, everyone in the room growing silent as their eyes darted back and forth from the speechless redhead to Potter and Clara.

The grandfather clock in the living room chimed at exactly midnight, breaking the silence. But cheers for the New Year were halted by the growing intensity of the room.

Fenwick said a small, "Happy New Year…?" in an attempt ease the tension, but Lily's group just stood there, unmoving.

Eventually, Marlene had enough of it and roughly grabbed Lily's arm.

"Right, we should go," she said, pulling her towards the front door, Lily stumbling at Marlene's force, then both of the girls disappearing down the hall.

Dorcas followed after a second with blank eyes, only leaving Black left who was still gaping, arm around a nearly unconscious Mary.

Suddenly Clara's pained tone rang in the room, looking at Potter like he punched her dad.

"You said you didn't have a girlfriend."

"I—I don't," Potter stuttered, hand shooting up to his hair uncomfortably.

But Clara wasn't hearing any of it, racing after the three Gryffindor girls who probably disapparated from the scene by now and leaving Potter speechless on the couch. The rest of the people in the room had returned to chatting amongst themselves, discussing what had just happened.

I briskly walked towards the hall where Black and Mary still stood to follow Clara, but Black stopped me with his free arm.

"They already left," he said. "I heard the crack."

"Why hasn't she come back inside then?" I said, pushing his arm away. "It's freezing out there."

As if on cue, the door creaked open and Clara stepped back in, coat on and face white as sheet. I ran to her side, feeling uneasy.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"No," she said bluntly, then hopelessly leaned against the door. "Was that his girlfriend?"

"Well…" I began, actually a bit unsure of how to describe Lily Evans to James Potter.

Clara hit her head against the door, eyes shut. "I'm such an idiot. Of course, he has a girlfriend!"

"She's not really," I said quickly, trying to help. "I mean, they've just got a weird thing going on. Like they won't admit it. You're not crossing any real boundaries here."

Clara opened her eyes and bit her bottom lip.

"Are you sure? She looked ready to ball her eyes out."

"Yeah, well, I think she fancies him, you know?" I said. "If anything, it's Potter's fault. I mean you asked him, didn't you?"

"Of course, I asked," Clara said snippily. "I value consent, thanks."

"Okay, okay," I said hurriedly. "Come on, let's get out of here. I'll just say goodbye to Lacey."

"Go ahead," she said, burying her head in her palms. "I can't show myself. It's humiliating."

I didn't blame her. The entire living room was probably talking about her right now. Letting her wallow in self-pity by the door, I quickly returned to the room to find Lacey whom I found with Lupin again standing on the same spot I left them.

"Hey, Lacey," I said when I approached. She immediately perked up at the sight of me.

"How's Clara?" she said, looking concerned.

"Not good," I said shortly.

"James technically doesn't have a girlfriend," Lupin added in, in defense of his best friend. "I mean, if that makes her feel any better…"

"Didn't work when I mentioned it but thanks, Lupin," I said, realizing I must have sounded bitchy.

"Sorry." He immediately backtracked.

"No, it's fine," I said, waving my hand around. "Sorry, I'm just worked up. Last thing I expected was to get involved in one of your personal lives again."

"At least it wasn't you who snogged him?" Lacey offered with a weak encouraging grin.

"Yeah, what a relief," I deadpanned. "Anyway, we're going home. Think Clara wants to keep a low profile from Hogwarts students now. Happy New Year, yeah?"

"Alright, see you in school then," Lacey squeezed my hand. "Try and talk her out of it, yeah? She did nothing wrong really."

I gave her a feeble smile and waved Lupin goodbye. On my way to the hall, I briefly passed the dining area and another voice from inside stopped me.

"Dyer!"

Turning around, I caught Black sitting on one of the stools, Mary next to him chugging a glass of water. He waved me over and I begrudgingly followed, thinking to might as well let him know I was off too.

"I'm leaving, Black," I said as soon as I entered through the arch.

"Already?" he said, sounding disappointed. "Party's just getting started!"

Next to him, Mary finished her glass and her head fell heavily on the table.

"Sure, it is," I said, frowning at her. "Her friends left her. How's she getting home in this state?"

"Nah, I told them I'd bring her home," Black said, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Her parents love me so I'm least likely to get killed by her dad."

"Okay, well… good luck with that," I finished lamely, giving him a tight smile and meant to proceed with my exit.

"Dyer," he called again and I stopped, looking back at him. I felt him hesitate for a bit. "See you in school."

Mary suddenly moved her head from the table and nuzzled her head on Black's shoulder. Something told me she hadn't actually passed out cold.

"See you," I said, itching to leave the couple and a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I hurriedly made my way back to Clara who was in the same pitiful position against the door. Relief flooded her face and she wordlessly took my hand. In a second, we disapparated with a crack.

—

I actually prepared myself for a series of wails and violent outbursts from my cousin for the rest of her stay, in light of the happenings in Potter and Black's party, but I was surprised to find out that Clara's immediate reaction to utter embarrassment was to shut herself off. Weirdly relatable, but I wondered if I was that annoying when I tried to avoid the entire world.

For the next few days, Clara had turned into a frustrated teenager, as my dad liked to describe it. Half of the time she played football outside, even if my dad and I weren't feeling it, dribbling and shooting the ball by herself in our makeshift net. One afternoon she forgot to cast a warming charm over the backyard and she ran back in the house wearing her shorts and furiously shivering.

The other half of her time she spent locked in my room either lying face first in bed or listening to my muggle neighbors' conversations from the window. The married couple didn't have particularly interesting chats but Clara could listen to them for two hours talking about the office affair happening between the husband's boss and his secretary.

Two days before I was set to return to Hogwarts, I was cornered by my mum and dad as I finished my lunch. Clara ate her meal in less than five minutes, and already returned to my room to avoid any sort of human interaction.

Both my mum and dad blocked the exit of our kitchen when I made the move to follow Clara upstairs and I gave them a strange look.

"Er, yes?" I said, narrowing my eyes.

"Come on, Monica," my dad urged, whispering despite the odds of Clara hearing him through a closed door from the second floor without magic was practically zero.

"What?" I snapped.

"What's going on with Clara?" my mum whispered too, briefly checking the stairs to make sure she wasn't coming down.

"I don't know, ask her," I said, crossing my arms.

"I did and she almost kicked the ball at my face," she said, frazzled.

"Well, don't ask me," I said, trying to sound innocent. "Maybe it's hormones or something, I dunno."

"Hormones?" my dad repeated, confused.

"Yeah, she's a twenty year old girl, Dad, she's got those," I said, clear irritation lacing my tone.

"Sweetheart, we're just worried something might have happened—"

"Nothing happened, Dad! Can't you just mind your own business for once in your life?!" I yelled before storming upstairs in dramatic fashion.

Before shutting the door behind me, I vaguely heard my dad say, "What's up with her now?"

I shook my head at myself, knowing I couldn't possibly tell them about what happened in Potter's party. Maybe if they thought me and Clara were going through the same phase, they'd just let it go out of sheer avoidance of the topic of women's hormones.

The night before my return to Hogwarts, which was the same day Clara and my mum were supposed to depart for France, I stayed up late on the bench of my backyard. The warming charm my mum casted on the area would have lasted all night and I was grateful given how many days I had to count down before I could come back home for Easter. I had to savor this moment for as long as I could.

It definitely wouldn't feel the same without Clara. Despite her visit only lasting about a month, she managed to fit herself in our daily routine quite well, and as much as I loved my dad, I would miss having her around as company. I probably couldn't think of anyone else who completely surpassed my preconceived judgments. Despite her many obvious flaws, it was rare to meet genuine people like her, and I felt happy knowing something good finally came out of my mother's side of the family.

At half past one in the morning, I heard the back door creak open and I twisted around to find Clara coming out to join me. She had her night clothes on and her hair was tied up, silently making her way to the bench and sitting next to me.

"Can't sleep?" I asked when she sat.

"No," she said shortly.

"Still thinking about it?" I said, knowing full well she knew what I was talking about.

"Not exactly," she replied, staring up at the stars.

"Seems that way." I hugged my knees to my chest. "Think this is the most I've heard you talk since we got home that night."

"Yeah, and I wasted my last few days of freedom," Clara admitted regretfully.

"Wasn't really a waste," I said with a chuckle. "Think you spend half your time playing out here. More than me and that's saying something."

Clara laughed, also the first time I'd heard it since we returned from the party. Her giggling by herself while listening to the muggle neighbors didn't count.

"Sorry I've been such a bore the past few days," she said. "I couldn't show my face to anyone. It felt that embarrassing."

"I told you to let it go," I said, nudging her arm. "He's technically single. Even his best friend told me to tell you."

"Yeah, but they could probably be fighting or something because of me," Clara said, looking down. "I don't mean to be a third party or whatever. I was just having some fun."

"Can't really blame you. Honestly worth it after seeing the look on Anderson's face. They really thought it was that easy to get you to snog one of them."

She laughed again. "It was pretty funny, wasn't it?"

I laughed with her and for a good minute the both of us were giggling like mad women on the bench, clutching at our sides. By the time we calmed down I almost forgot what we were actually laughing at, Anderson's face when Clara flipped him off or how stupid that night turned out in general. A moment of silence took over after the laughter and we both stared up at the sky which was decorated generously with stars.

"I'll miss it though," Clara spoke first with a smile on her face. "Everything. It's the most fun I've had my entire life, I think."

"Really?" I said, a bit surprised. "Beats all the traveling you've done?"

Clara pretended to think about it. "Hmm, I dunno. Maybe Amsterdam was a bit more exciting. But definitely this has been the most memorable trip so far. I'll never forget it."

Feeling touched, I turned to look at her.

"You can visit again, you know," I said sincerely. "I'll forgive you even if you're coming from that devil family."

She chuckled then scooted closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'll definitely come back," she said. "Aunt Ella will be here too so that's a double plus."

"She told you then?" I said softly.

"Mhm, yeah," Clara mumbled.

"What about you?" I asked. "You made up your mind then? You're still going back?"

Clara took a moment to respond.

"I think it depends on whether or not they agree to my compromise," she finally said. "I need to at least give them a chance."

"That's fair," I admitted. "But what if they don't?"

I never heard her answer to that because she seemed to doze off on my shoulder. Either that or she didn't know the answer herself. Nevertheless we stayed on the bench for another hour before I had to shake her awake to return to our room, calling it a night.

The day came that I had to leave for Hogwarts and I couldn't quite tell if my mum had confided in my dad of her plans for a drastic life change. Neither of them mentioned it as we rushed to get ready, typical of me to misplace random things at the last minute and my mum and dad ran around the house, helping me make sure everything was in order for my departure.

Unsurprisingly, Clara slept through it all, but I had a feeling she wanted to avoid my mum who set to convince her to see me off at the platform. It would've been likely for her to see someone she met at the party there (or worse, Potter himself) so it was understandable. Anyway I was satisfied by our brief conversation the night before to serve as our goodbyes, and I was quite sure I would see her again soon.

At half past ten, my dad strangely agreed to apparate to the station with my mum taking us both on side along, apparently as long as he didn't have to run head first into the pavement. Keeping the deal in mind, she apparated us directly to Platform 9 ¾ and the familiar scarlet train appeared in my vision.

Curiously, my mum spotted a friend and left me and my dad alone. Before I could watch her approach this apparent friend, my dad pulled me to a corner.

"How does mum suddenly have a friend here after visiting London for the first time in twenty years?" I asked him suspiciously, but let him pull me to the side.

"Monica," he said firmly, looking serious.

I looked up at him, eyebrows raised.

"Dad," I said.

"Your mother told me," he began slowly.

"Oh," I said lamely, unsure of how to react.

"It's mad, isn't it?" he said, looking a bit uncomfortable. "I mean, she said she's doing it for you because she hasn't been there for you like she was supposed to and—"

"Dad, what's this about?" I sighed, urging him to get to the point.

He stopped his rambling and took a deep breath before saying, "You'll give her a chance, right?"

I looked at him, annoyed.

"Of course, I'll bloody give her a chance. I—I told her I would."

"Language, sweetheart," he said sternly.

"Sorry," I grumbled. "But if she told you all this, then you probably know what I said to her, yeah? Anyway she hasn't been annoying since the start of the holidays so I guess it's a start. And, well, yeah, I suppose the whole moving here and leaving her terrible family behind is a good step too."

I could see the relief on his face but I could tell he was still holding something back.

"Just spit it out, Dad," I said.

He hesitated again but finally opened his mouth to continue.

"I just… wanted to know how you would feel if I tried to… er… hang out with her again."

I almost laughed, pursing my lips together to hold it in. He noticed the reaction and a deep frown appeared on his face.

"I mean, I'll only do it if you're comfortable—"

"Dad, don't do this to me, please," I tried to say with a straight face but the giggles were already escaping my mouth. "Do what you want really. You don't need my permission."

"Of course, I do, sweetheart," he said sincerely. "I know how hard it's been for you."

"Well, believe it or not, my life actually wasn't that bad over the holidays," I said. "She's… trying. And I'm actually excited to see how this will end up."

"Such optimism," he said jokingly. "It suits you, Mon."

"Don't push it," I said, giving him a wary eye. "Anyway, do what you want. Just don't give me a brother."

His violent outburst was drowned out by the sound of the train, signalling we had ten minutes to departure. My mum had conveniently returned to our spot and I gave my dad a quick hug goodbye. He still looked a bit disgruntled but he hugged me tight back.

Slowly I approached my mum who stood serenely next to my trolley, watching the students hop in the Hogwarts Express. I grabbed a hold of my trunk and her eyes locked on me.

"I'll see you when I get back then, yeah?" I said a bit awkwardly.

"I'll be here," she said with a smile.

"That's great," I said truthfully.

After a second of hesitation, I gave her a quick hug too, awkward by all means but still nice. She patted me lightly on the head and I took a step back to hold my trolley and began to make my way to the train. My dad returned to his place next to my mum and they both waved as I slipped through the doors, lugging my trunk behind me.

I managed to find an empty compartment quickly and when I checked through the window, my mum and dad had gone. I placed my trunk on the rack and collapsed on the seat, closing my eyes to rest.

A few seconds later, the compartment door slid open and I turned my head to see Lacey dragging her trunk inside.

"I can't wait…" She heaved once. "To bloody…" She heaved again, closer to the rack. "Turn…" She finally dropped the trunk in place. "Seventeen!"

"Just a few months longer, Lace," I said, looking amused.

"Yeah, and the first thing I'm gonna do is levitate this bloody thing around Hogsmeade," she bitterly said, kicking at her trunk to fit on the rack and falling back on the seat opposite me.

"So how have your holidays been?" I asked, formal greetings beyond the level of our friendship.

"Hm, let me think," she said, a fake look of concentration on her face. "I spent Christmas at home with my family, got an invite to a party at James Potter's, and witnessed my best friend's cousin snog his face off in front of half the seventh years at said party!"

"Sounds like you had a good holiday," I said in monotone.

"Nevermind me!" she exclaimed. "What in Merlin's pants happened to Clara? I haven't received a single owl from you since then!"

"She was…" I said, unsure how to explain. "Fine, I suppose."

"Poor girl," Lacey said solemnly.

I frowned. "I just said she was fine."

She sighed, ignoring me. "She'll get over it soon though. She can find someone else without baggage."

"Actually, something else… happened," I began, realizing I hadn't told her about my mother yet because it seemed weird telling her through writing. There was never really a good time during Potter's party either.

"What?" Lacey asked wide-eyed. "In Potter's party, you mean? Did Sirius kiss you?"

"I—Wait, what?" I didn't think I heard her correctly.

"Oh, so he didn't," Lacey said, looking disappointed. "I could've sworn… Nevermind."

"What are you talking about?" I pushed, feeling the heat on my cheeks.

She hesitated but perhaps the blazing look on my face made her continue.

"I just saw you two outside together and I thought—"

"I thought you didn't see me outside," I said, eyes narrowed.

"Er, well, I did," Lacey said slowly, avoiding my eye. "So that was actually a lie… Anyway, what was it you were about to say?"

Still confused how on earth she got that idea from a perfectly innocent conversation, I decided to just humor her abrupt change in topic since her assumption wasn't something I wanted to dig deeper into anyway. The fluttering feeling in my stomach that came with it wasn't very encouraging either.

"My mum," I began, unsure where to start. "She's… er… staying in London."

"What, like for good?" Lacey said immediately, astounding me with her ability to catch on so quickly.

"Yeah, basically."

Lacey gaped for a bit, all thoughts of Sirius Black gone.

"Merlin, Monica," she said breathlessly. "Wow… That's amazing. I mean, it's amazing, right? Which side are we on here?"

I chuckled, looking down. "Yeah, yeah, it's… amazing. She's leaving her family and staying here. To start over with me apparently. She got a place in Diagon Alley and everything."

Lacey grinned, leaning forward to grip my knees.

"Fantastic!" she said happily. "Oh, Merlin, I dunno what to say. She finally got something right, eh? Wait, but she isn't still trying to make you act like your French side, is she?"

I shook my head. "Not even once during the holidays actually. She seems serious about this. Clara told me she made a compromise with her family about me, in exchange for being allowed to see me and all. But she couldn't take it anymore and decided to leave again."

"Why so suddenly though?"

"Oh, someone proposed to her," I explained. "Back in France. Then she realized it wasn't what she wanted and my dad convinced her to spend Christmas with us this year to figure out what she really wanted to do."

"And you're okay with that? Her staying, I mean?"

I shrugged. "I guess seeing her with my dad and actually looking at me like her daughter, it was nice. Wouldn't hurt to give her another chance, I guess. Just hope she doesn't mess it up again. I'd probably never forgive her if she does."

Yet, nothing could seep through Lacey's optimism and positivity as usual, an encouraging smile on her face as she said, "I have a good feeling about this, Mon. You'll introduce me over the summer right?"

"Yeah, probably," I said, smiling.

She leaned back on her seat, looking satisfied but an uncertain expression appeared on her face. "Man, it's a weird time to move to London though, isn't it? With the war and all? Is she sure Diagon Alley is the safest place to live in right now?"

I hadn't actually thought about that, wondering how much she knew about the war to consider for her living arrangements. It definitely would have been safer to stay in a muggle area, but I was sure she could take care of herself. I had a feeling she preferred to stay in a wizarding area anyway because it would be more familiar to her. Moving to a completely different country would have been difficult for anyone.

Before I could voice out these thoughts to Lacey and just as the Hogwarts Express started to run, the compartment door slid open again and Carter Robins stood on the other side, looking sheepish. His blonde hair was neatly parted to the side in typical fashion and he already wore his Hogwarts robes. Was this guy so excited to go back to school that he actually came on the train wearing that?

But beyond the outfit, I was more curious why he was here in the first place. A confused frown appeared on my face when I saw him, and he looked back at me, eyes full of uncertainty and what I assumed was guilt. It was similar to the looks he was giving me during Potter's party and I expertly avoided him throughout the night to keep a confrontation like this from happening.

"Hi Carter," Lacey said, looking surprised. "Er… Are you lost?"

I almost snorted.

"No, I wanted to speak to Dyer," he said, giving Lacey a pointed look.

"Sure, she's right there," Lacey said, gesturing to me and making no move to leave us alone.

Probably one of the few times I genuinely appreciated her lack of space and understanding of cues.

"Oh…" Carter said, warily looking at Lacey who made herself more comfortable by pulling out a magazine. Likely realizing she wasn't going to take the hint, he turned to me and spoke.

"Hey Dyer," he began slowly.

"What did you need me for?" I asked immediately, skipping the formalities.

"I just…" He hesitated. "I wanted to apologize. I know you've heard and you must think so negatively of me now."

"I think you're an arsehole. So yeah, pretty negative," I said, face devoid of emotion. Lacey unsuccessfully held in a snort.

Carter sighed. "Dyer, please don't misunderstand me."

"Enlighten me then," I snapped.

He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably before continuing.

"There was a girl who asked me to the party the day before and I quite liked her so I said yes," he explained. "But people started asking questions when I went with her instead of you so I panicked because I really liked her and I didn't want her to think of me as a two timer."

"You could've just said you did it because you were being nice," I said, raising my eyebrows. "Think I would've preferred that over you telling everyone you dumped me because I was so bloody boring."

"I know, I know," he said, looking down. "It just slipped my mind and it was the first excuse I could think of. Anyway, turns out she just wanted to go with me so I could help introduce her to some of Slughorn's old students. Potential career opportunities, you know."

"Wow," I said, acting surprised. "Nice to know you talked shit about me for a girl who used you for status."

"I'm sorry, Dyer," Carter said, pleading with his eyes. "I swear I'll tell everyone it was a lie. I'll say I was trying to help. I didn't know you were close to Potter so I didn't think you would find out from him."

I laughed, but there was no humor to it.

"Potter didn't tell me."

"So who did?" Carter asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, Becca and Polly mentioned it," I said, grimacing at the memory. "Then Black told me the bit about me being too boring for you."

"Black told you?" he said, confused. "Is he that pissed off about me saying I'd already asked you?"

"Not really. We're friends, sort of."

"Then why didn't you just go with him to the party?" Carter asked, looking a bit frustrated.

"Because I didn't want to go to that stupid party," I snapped. "If you didn't want to help, you didn't have to either."

Carter sighed again, raking his fingers through his stupid perfect hair.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said. "I really am. And I did want to help."

I looked away from him but thought it was useless to continue being angry. He pretty much ruined his image for me anyway so I could go on and ignore him for the rest of the year. I wasn't really losing much.

"Yeah, whatever," I finally said. "It's fine. You can go now."

"Alright, Dyer," he said, still looking a bit down. "See you around, yeah?"

I didn't answer this time but he closed the door, recognizing his dismissal and briskly left down the hall. I looked at Lacey who quite clearly was holding in a laugh and I rolled my eyes at her. We were left undisturbed for the rest of the trip back and I thoughtfully watched the rolling hills and bare trees, mind blank.

A/N - To be honest, this was meant to be a filler chapter, something that transitions between the hectic first half of the year and break to the second half of Monica's sixth year. I've actually written up to Chapter 15 already and I've drafted an outline for up to 20-25 chapters, depending on the length of the key moments throughout the story. I've been getting more reviews recently and it's so nice to hear your thoughts on everything! For that, I'll give some thoughts myself to answer some of your questions and add to the context of the story.

The pairing, I like to keep a bit vague but definitely Sirius is the main man. But the pace of the story will be quite slow in terms of romance though as I'm really trying to develop Monica as a character, her backstory, what makes her who she is, and what she wants to be. This is a coming-of-age story about a girl who's trying to find her place in life still. And what to expect is for her to find peace, love, and a purpose. i've carefully curated a spiderweb of themes in Monica's life that settles on a clear goal I have for her: growth.

I want the story to be relatable to actual life, where we all have difficulty finding our place, people we can trust, and of course, a career or life goal that we want to achieve to be happy. And Monica's story is in the midst of war, making it more difficult but she'll go through a series of life experiences that will mold her into a better version of herself.

I liked the idea of pairing a regular girl with Sirius and develop a friendship with the canon characters because I always though they had great influence in people's lives, especially those around them during their Hogwarts years. That's partly why I made her a sixth year so she'd have no attachment whatsoever with the canon characters, even the seventh year girls. So the entire relationship comes from scratch and I think they have a long way to go before anything stronger develops. She may be showing signs of fancying him now, but I'm telling you all now, there's a lot in store in this story that I think would be fun to experience with me. :)

I hope to hear more of your thoughts! I want to finish writing all the chapters soon so I can update quicker than once a week. Your reviews really motivate me and I can't thank you all enough, reviewers and readers. Let me know what you think, yea?

- Finner