I don't own the Flash or any of its characters.
Trigger warning: Mentions suicidal thoughts and feelings as well as anxiety, eating problems and self-harm so if any of this is going to trigger you, please do not read.
A/N: Here is chapter fourteen, its bigger than the last one! Cisco's eating problems come to a head here and the basis is set for him to get some proper help next chapter. Sorry for any mistakes and if you enjoy this chapter let me know by dropping a review:) Enjoy!
Caitlin and Cisco both woke up to Caitlin's alarm on that Monday morning. Cisco groaned and rolled over, so his face was in the pillow, "Cisco, come on we've got to get up," the doctor told him,
"No thanks," he groaned out his response, his voice muffled by the pillow,
"Ugh, fine you can go back to sleep until I've finished getting ready but then you have to get up," Caitlin told him,
"Thanks," he mumbled, and he rolled over again, his eyes already closed once more. Caitlin sighed, laughing a little at his actions and then got up and got herself ready. After she had showered, dressed and out on her makeup she went back into her bedroom and nudged Cisco awake,
"You really have to get up now Cisco," she said, he grumbled under his breathe, but opened his eyes and got out of bed, grabbing his clothes and walking into the bathroom. When he was dressed, he walked into the kitchen and saw Cait making them waffles,
"Morning," he spoke, finally feeling more awake,
"Morning," she replied in a cheerful tone, she spun around and pulled him into a quick hug before depositing one waffle onto his plate and two onto her own,
"I'm not hungry Cait," he told her, his stomach hurt like normal, and he was anxious about being alone at Starlabs plus Caitlin hadn't had a chance to change his bandage yet and his arm felt tender and sore.
"I know hon, but you need to eat something, and one waffle isn't that much, you can do it," she attempted to encourage him. Not wanting to be difficult Cisco sat at the table and slowly began to eat the waffle, he was about three-quarters of the way though when Cait had finished both of hers, he looked up at her begging,
"I can't eat anymore, please Cait," she looked at him and could see his pale face and the threat of tears in his eyes, she decided on a compromise,
"Can you drink two glasses of juice to make up the rest of the nutrients?" she requested. Cisco nodded, thinking that was a manageable enough task. He sat fidgeting anxiously as Caitlin got him the two glasses of juice, and she held his hand the whole time he was drinking them. Cisco placed the second glass down after he had finished it and hissed when his burns hit the table, they were extra sore today, the doctor picked up on this and looked at him in concern,
"Does your wrist hurt?" she asked him,
"Hmm," he hummed his answer, not trusting his voice as the pain made him want to cry,
"Come on, I'll take a look at it before we leave," Caitlin took his hand again and led him towards her bathroom, she sat him on the closed toilet and had him hold his arm out like last time, she unwrapped the bandage, inspecting the wounds carefully, "Yeah, those do look sore today, I'll give them a good clean and re-wrap them, just in case there is a risk of infection there." She quickly got to work addressing his wounds and then the two of them brushed their teeth and grabbed their things for work, heading out of the apartment and to Caitlin's car, ready to go to Starlabs.
When they arrived at their place of work, it was quiet. The looked around the cortex together and then at each other before shrugging, they were all probably busy doing other things, the split off and Cisco went into his lab, getting things out so he could start working. He had just finished setting up when his eyes caught the Bunsen burner and the back of the room where he had let it, he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away. Then, all of a sudden, Caitlin swooped in with her laptop, a bag and a microscope in her hands, "Cait?" he said her name as a question,
"Yeah Cisco," she responded,
"Um, what are you doing here, you know, in my lab?" he asked her, watching as she neatly swooped some things off one of his desks and made herself comfortable, setting up her own equipment.
"You told me you didn't feel safe being alone, and after Friday's incident as both your doctor and your friend I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone, with equipment you could potentially use to hurt yourself, so I'm going to work in here for a little while, just until you feel you can trust yourself to be alone again," she informed him. He shifted awkwardly, feeling embarrassed that he couldn't be alone without risking hurting himself but a larger part of him was grateful for what Caitlin was doing so he just nodded in response,
"Alright," he said and that was the end of their conversation. They both settled into work for the morning, only stopping when Barry flashed in, checking that they were alright and updating them on everything that happened over the weekend. He was about to turn and leave them to their work when Caitlin stood up and indicted for him to come talk to her in the hall,
"I'll be back in a second Cisco," she let him know. He nodded and gave a little wave of his hand, focused intently on the gadget he was working on. When Barry and Caitlin made it out into the hall Caitlin turned to address the speedster, "Thank you, so much for Friday and for letting us have the weekend off, it helped a lot," she told him with intense sincerity. Barry nodded, shrugging the thank you off,
"It was nothing, is he alright?" he asked,
"Not at the moment, but he will be," she let him know with a small smile. He returned it,
"And what about you, how are you doing, with you know everything?" he questioned,
"Its been hard, it tough to see Cisco hurting so much, I just want to help him, plus with the threat of Savitar and Killer Frost looming over me, it just feels like a lot to handle, but I'm coping." She told him. Barry nodded in understanding it was a lot to deal with. He pulled the doctor into a warm embrace holding her close, giving her a moment to be comforted,
"It's going to be okay," he told her when they pulled away from each other,
"It's going to be okay," she echoed. They gave each other another quick hug before parting and going back to what they had been doing before. When Caitlin entered Cisco's lab, she let out a gentle sigh of relief to see he was still focused on what he was working on.
They were about to stop for lunch when Cisco stood up abruptly, he started to walk about of his lab, when he caught Caitlin looking at him anxiously, "bathroom," was his answer to her questioning look, "too much juice," he elaborated, giving her a look that suggested it was her fault, she didn't respond just gave him a nod and went back to her work. Cisco was finishing up in the bathroom, when his stomach flipped, he glanced back at the toilet wondering if he did actually need to be sick, he didn't know if his hurting stomach was physical or psychological at this point and after forcing down that waffle this morning his stomach was not happy with him, deciding that he didn't actually need to be sick, he went back to his lab where he saw Caitlin putting sandwiches out for them,
"Time for lunch," she told him when he entered the room again. Cisco shook his head, "Cisco," her eyebrow was raised in a way that suggested not to mess with her, he sighed and followed her out of the lab and into the cortex where they ate with Barry and Wells, the other two people in the building at that time. Cisco had just finished the first half of his sandwich when his stomach flipped again, this time harsher and he had to hold back from gagging. He glanced around the room, he couldn't hear them, his mind was buzzing to loudly, but Caitlin was laughing at something that Barry said and Harrison looked unimpressed, but they were all engaged in conversation and there was no way to get Cait's attention without interrupting them, so he continued eating. He took another bite, his stomach flipped, another bite, another flip of the stomach, and then there wasn't anything he could do anymore, he was going to be sick. He dropped his sandwich and stood up suddenly, taking off at a speed that Barry would have been impressed with, running to the nearest bathroom, he threw open the door and feel onto his knees vomiting into the toilet , he heard hurried footsteps come up behind him and then gentle hands scooping up his hair, pulling it gently away from his face, "It's okay, you're okay, just let it out, that's it, let it out," Caitlin's voice was soft and gentle and Cisco couldn't help the tears that streamed down his cheeks, he stayed leaning over the toilet dry heaving until he was sure he wouldn't be sick again. When he was positive it was over, he leant back, so he was leaning against Caitlin on the bathroom floor. She moved her hand from her hold on his hair and up to his forehead, testing to see if he had a temperature, she brought her other hand to wrap around him, trying to comfort him as he was still crying. "Hmm, it doesn't feel like you have a temperature," she noted,
"I'm sorry," Cisco's voice came out panicked, "I really didn't mean to," he rushed to explain,
"Hey, it's okay, I know you didn't at the speed you moved you weren't planning on being sick," she said, letting him know it was alright. Cisco relaxed once he knew that Caitlin believed him,
"My stomach has been really hurting for a while," Cisco let her know softly,
"Oh, why didn't you say anything hon?" she asked him,
"I meant to, it's just there was so much to think about and tell you that it was easier just to focus on one problem at a time," he said. Caitlin nodded accepting the answer,
"How about I run some tests, if we move do you think you'll be sick again?"
"No, I don't think so," he replied.
"Alright, let's go," she gently pulled the scientist to his feet and lead him out of the bathroom and to the med-bay, everyone had moved from the cortex, either they had finished their lunches or had been put off eating by the sound of Cisco's vomiting, either way Caitlin was grateful. She let Cisco sit down on one of the beds and she began running her tests.
"Well, I can't see anything wrong," Caitlin concluded, when he had finished running her tests. Cisco's heart sank, that meant it was in his head, he was tired of all hid problems being in his head. "I have a theory though," Caitlin told him, he looked up interested, "when did your stomach start hurting?" she asked. Cisco thought for a moment,
"It started a couple of weeks ago," he told her,
"Right after you stopped taking your medication?" the doctor questioned,
"Yeah, right around then," Cisco confirmed.
"I think, you suddenly stopping taking your medications, had an effect on your stomach, making it more sensitive as you are supposed to, slowly stop taking your meds. Also, I think being off your anxiety medication, has left you more anxious, which results in your stomach hurting, which in turn, puts you off eating," she told him,
"Huh, that makes sense," Cisco said thoughtfully. Caitlin nudged him with her hip to get him to slide across the bed, he did so, and she sat down next to him, swinging her legs around so they were out in front of her and then, she pulled Cisco towards her, so she could wrap her arms around him, he sighed and cuddled back into her, feeling calm.
"I found you a therapist," she started speaking softly, "I've booked you an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, its covered by your insurance and we can go together if you want," she told him. He started to shift uncomfortably, "Are you alright with this?" she asked him, Cisco thought for a moment, he really did want help and if Caitlin came with him, it wouldn't be that bad,
"You'll come with me?" he asked wanting her to confirm,
"If you want me to," she said,
"Yeah, I do. I'll go if you come with me," he let her know,
"That's really good Cisco, well done, taking steps towards recovery is such a brave thing to do," she gave him a little squeeze. He smiled gently,
"What about eating?" he asked,
"Well for the next couple of days I'll make sure that everything you eat will be gentle on your stomach and then we can slowly start introducing your medications again, though I think I'll hang on to them for a while," she said. Cisco nodded that was probably for the best. "Do you want to head home now, its not nice being sick at work," she asked him,
"Yes please," he responded, the two then got up and grabbed their things, letting Barry know to call them if there is an emergency and then they left Starlabs and headed home for the day.