We are getting so much closer to meeting baby Casey! Let's see if we can meet them before the end of the year, doubt I'll get to it before the mid season break though…
Thanks Rebecca for doing your usual thing! I don't know what I would do without your constant support and help with my rough writing. Jewel – I hope there is a scene in here that lives up to your expectations. And Megan, thanks for saying you wanted a new chapter – here it is for you!
Enjoy the chapter everyone, hope you're all still enjoying these 'weekly' updates of Smudge.
Week Thirty Four
~ Candidate is the size of a cantaloupe ~
Matt gathered up the last of his essential items that he needed to leave the house; keys, phone and wallet. A quick look down at his wristwatch told him that he needed to get a move on so he didn't miss roll call. Actually, Gabby needed to hurry up too, or she was going to be late. Over the last few months they hadn't left at the same very often, however the days that they did have to it had tended to be a bit of a panicked rush. Both had become used to getting ready by themselves - so to share the same space was a bit pushed. And today was going to be the last of those rushed ones for a long while.
But Gabby wasn't around. Matt wasn't going to lie; he had been waiting for this day for a while now. He and Gabby were still yet to chat about the 'discussion' they had exchanged that early morning. He knew that they needed to clear the air. Even he could feel a tension of some sort simmering below their everyday lives. But over the last two weeks Gabby had thrown herself into finishing up at the Academy and the nights had she hadn't taken herself down to Molly's, she had almost locked herself away in their office.
Matt drowned the last dregs of his coffee before placing the mug into the sink on a hunt for Gabby. He only managed two steps away from the kitchen bench before he turned on his heel to put the mug into the dishwasher. Gabby had been on and on about how hard it wasn't to load the dishwasher. There was this small little part of him that thought about that nesting thing he had read about - sooner or later Gabby was going to clean the house top to bottom. It wouldn't be such a terrible thing.
And just as quickly as the thought came to him; it left him. Their house was huge and it worried him all the times she would be walking up and down those stairs to clean the house. Glancing down at his watch one more time, it was definitely getting closer to the time that they would need to leave. Last night he had offered to take the day off, drive her to work and be at home when she finished, but she just hadn't wanted it. He was still uncomfortable about it all; but he knew there was no point pushing her on it. Knowing that she hadn't reacted too well the last time he had thought to push her about it, better to let her have her last day at the academy by herself if that was what she wanted.
Slowly he climbed the stairs, trying to push out the thoughts and conversations he wanted to have with her. After their conversation at 3am that one morning, he knew that they needed to sort it out. Gabby needed to know why he did what he did and where it had come from. A conversation with Herrmann last week had solidified in Matt's mind that everything was on ultra-charge, emotions ran high and both of the Caseys were stubborn and could dig their respective heels in. And as Herrmann had reminded him, it didn't matter that whatever he may or may not have said; she would have taken it as someone close to her not trusting her instinct. And that was the problem, Cindy would have done a similar thing, maybe not to the same extreme but nevertheless still would have taken offence. Gabby had spent a fair amount of her fire career fighting to be taken seriously. She had been passed over for her candidacy because she was a woman and the strong Latina woman that she was hadn't taken it lightly. And that was her same approach to everything in her life, including this pregnancy.
It had been a long morning for Gabby, sleep really wasn't getting to the most comfortable part of her days/nights. Every time she had tried to get even close to horizontal last night she had felt like she was going to have a heart attack. There was a tightening of her chest and she felt like she couldn't quite catch her breath, not to mention she felt like she had turned and flipped from side to side at least 586 times. And then she couldn't quite get up and out of bed, almost like she was a turtle stuck on its shell. Combine that with her overwhelming feelings of finally finishing up work.
So as she stood at the vanity that morning putting the last of her mascara on she had all of these emotions and thoughts running through her mind. Likely it was going to be a hell of a day on her emotions and running on such little true sleep was going to make it all the more worse. Squeezing her eyes tightly she attempted to stop the tears leaking out.
Leaning her forearms on the cold sink Gabby tried to stretch her back slightly realising after a moment or two that Smudge had the hiccups. Probably one of the weirder sensations that she had experienced throughout the last few months. Letting her head hang low, a small smile played over her face, enjoying the frequent kicks.
It was all too good to be true when a shot of pain flooded through her body, her face contoured as it felt like Smudge had kicked her in the crotch. A hand went below her belly lifting it up slightly in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure.
"Hey, settle down in there," she told Smudge off lightly. A laugh caught her attention from the doorway.
"Okay?" Matt asked from his position, watching the scene play out in front of himself.
"Your child doesn't know when to stop," she complained good-naturedly rubbing her belly with affection, her hands running from the top of her bump along the sides a few times, vainly hoping that the motion would calm Smudge down.
"You tormenting Mama?" Matt questioned his hand joining hers as Gabby walked towards him. Almost automatically her hands intertwined with his over their child, whilst his hand moved to the small of her back, guiding her back into their room. "Ready for this?"
"Last day?" Gabby inquired as she picked up her name plate to put on whilst kicking her shoes towards the chair so she could do some twist and bend act to get them on. Really she needed to give up wearing lace up shoes, it was becoming harder to do up the laces. "Good as it can be," she confessed.
Matt laughed as he tried to figure out what she was doing. Taking pity on her he took her shoes and gently pushed Gabby towards sitting on the edge of the bed.
Gabby gave a soft chuckle as a memory evaded her consciousness. Matt looked up as he started to tie up her laces, a curious look on his face.
"What?"
"Nothing," she shook her head lightly. "Just thinking about when we were in this exact same position ten or twelve weeks ago. First day at the academy and you were insistent on putting my shoes on. Only now I almost can't reach my feet."
"Seems fitting," Matt mused as he helped her back to her feet.
Pulling him close for a final few moments, Gabby breathed in the scent that she strongly associated with Matt trying to compose herself. As the weeks drew on, the more things that were coming to an end. With one final squeeze, Gabby pushed Matt away.
"Go," she ordered, "Boden will have your head if you're late for shift."
Matt pulled her closer for a second longer before releasing her and taking a step towards the door. "Babe, are you sure?"
"Hmm?" Gabby hummed looking through her bag that sat on their bed. "Sure about what?"
"Are you sure that you don't want me to drive you to the Academy?"
"I can still fit behind the wheel Matt," she commented the laughter evident in her voice.
"Not what I mean Gabby… Babe I can take the day off."
"Go Matt, Boden won't appreciate a phone call this late." She threw a cushion at him to get him moving and out to the firehouse. Matt laughed and waved, digging his keys out of his pocket. Gabby groaned as she hoisted her own backpack up and glared at the item on the floor, that was a mistake. No way that she was going to be able to bend down to pick it up without a whole gymnastic routine. Least Matt could have done was throw it back onto the bed.
That very morning as she had delivered her last lecture to her EMS students, she had had to hold back the tears. She hadn't been dragged into this job kicking and screaming, but at the same time if she hadn't been pregnant then she wouldn't have ever envisioned herself lecturing at the Academy.
When she finally managed to get back into her office, she had collapsed into her desk chair taking in her surroundings. This would be the last time that she would have to come into this wing of the academy, the last time she sat in this office. A long ten minutes later Gabby heard heavy footsteps signalling many of the other instructors heading out for the late afternoon lecture session; around the halls she had heard that they were going to be doing some evening drills for the fire candidates. And in the middle of the cold season they were having she was glad that it wasn't her out there supervising. Gabby had been hoping to leave with as little a fuss as possible and so far her wish had been granted.
Her fellow lecturers, without the upper brass, had taken her out to dinner last night to thank her for her time here. Ashley, one of the department's newer Ambulance Commanders, was coming in to take her place for the rest of the Academic year. She had done the job a few years ago and Gabby thought she might have been the person training the EMTs when she herself had gone through the Fire Suppression course, it had just been much too hard to find a firefighter/EMT who would be capable of teaching the unit at this short notice. Most would have preferred to take on the unit from the beginning; not have to pick it up in the middle. But Gabby had found that Ashley was a very similar person to herself and held the Emergency Medical Services branch in the same high regard as she did. This was the nature that paramedics needed; not someone who would believe them to second class to the firefighters.
Now Gabby believed she was going to be able to sneak out of the Academy unnoticed. She wasn't sure what she was going to do when she arrived home and she even entertained the idea of dropping by Firehouse 51. Somewhere familiar and homey. Maybe she should have accepted Matt's offer of being home waiting for her. She had definitely underestimated the waves of emotions that she had been experiencing over today. Sighing heavily she pushed herself to her feet.
And she still had a few more items that she needed to clean up, mostly just personal effects that were still stood on her desk. Throwing her open backpack up onto the desk, she grab the framed ultrasound that had sat in the top right hand corner for her entire tenure here; it had changed a number of times - currently it was her thirty two week image along with a photo from their wedding tucked into the side of the frame too. Maybe she could hand it over to Matt or put it into their office at home. Tracing a finger along the profile of Smudge, Gabby gave a small smile before gently placing the image into her bag.
"Instructor Dawson?" a hesitant voice came from behind her. Gabby looked up from her packing. Most of the items had been packed or at least handed over to the Ashley or the various people who would be taking over her duties. Glancing across curiously to the person who had interrupted her, Gabby found a young firefighter candidate stood timidly at her doorway. Scarlett Williams, the quiet reserved young woman from the seminar met her eyes. Gabby had grown quite fond of the female candidates, acutely remembering what it was like to be in their shoes, and she always had the time of day for many of the female firefighters, knowing just how hard it was going to be for them. Scarlett had joined many of the EMT candidates over the past five or so weeks learning what the differences were between the two branches, forming opinions and giving her own views that she was learning from Fire and Suppression.
"Instructor Dawson?" Scarlett took one step into the office.
"Come in candidate," offered Gabby, "I would offer you a seat, but I can't actually find one under the change of personnel and everyone bring their crap in, whilst I'm taking mine out," she laughed.
Scarlett laughed along. She took a deep breath and pulled out a wrapped thin parcel from her satchel. Gabby's eyes widen as she was passed the pale yellow item.
"What's this?"
"Something for you as you finish up Instructor," Scarlett told her motioning for her to open the item.
Still confused Gabby shifted her weight from one foot to another as she turned the thin package over in her hands a number of times. She was pretty sure she could feel a spine, so assumed that it was a book. Ripping the paper at the corners, she pulled out the item to reveal the book Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes. "Williams," she breathed.
"A friend recommended to me… I thought it would be nice…"
"You didn't need to, but thank you, it was so thoughtful of you."
"But I did," Scarlett replied, "You have done so much for us…" Gabby raised her eyebrows in questions prompting her to continue. "That day at the seminar, a lot changed for me Instructor Dawson. I had been questioning my choices of becoming a firefighter, being a woman in the service. And I know that I'm quiet and can be stomped on, it's happened many times in my life. But I've always wanted to become a firefighter; it's that pipeline dream. But after the first few weeks I was questioning whether I needed to think about whether or not I was cut out for this job. Was I as strong as the males? Was I as good as the other females -"
"You are as strong as anyone here," reminded Gabby. There was a line that woman could easily cross, Gabby herself would push herself to the limits and would assert herself in front of most - it had what made her an awesome PIC. That had also driven her to become a firefighter; she saw the same characteristics in Kidd. But she knew that she had crossed that line a number of times, a line that Brett never would, or could and it didn't make her any less of a paramedic. With that in mind, Gabby knew that the young candidate had the potential to be a fantastic firefighter, her heart was in the right spot.
Scarlett gave her a soft smile at Gabby's acknowledgement. "Thank you Instructor. But it was your seminar that made the difference…"
"My seminar?" Gabby's surprise was evident in her voice.
"The seminar that you gave to both the fire and EMT candidates," Scarlett clarified. "It showed me an example of a strong woman working within the CFD, it gave me something to aspire to."
Gabby started to choke up a bit. "Anna… that's …" her voice started to crack. "Women are just as much part of the Chicago Fire Service as any male…" Gabby brought her finger to her face, wiping away the unshed tears before they had a chance to fall.
"It's important to say Instructor, and I wanted to say thank you. Listening to you talk about the two cultures that we have and one that I might be walking into; it was inspiring. I can be part of that change…"
"It's not going to be easy Williams. I struggled to find a house to do my candidateship at. There are houses out there that are still boys clubs and don't like having a female with them… My own house where I had been the PIC, they weren't even sure about having a female. We make up only 2% of the entire department. There may well be discrimination."
"I understand that, and I know nothing will prepare me for that -"
"Hold your head high and know that you are as qualified as any male," reminded Gabby, wishing that this was the attitude of every female candidate. There was still one or two female candidates whose attitude could do with an adjustment in Gabby's opinion.
"And all of that comes back to that first seminar. Watching you and the lieutenant work together seamlessly; it reminded me that I could do this. No matter what anyone says. He respected your opinion and never spoke over you. I get that it's not going to be an instant thing or I may spend my entire career demanding to be treated differently, to be treated just as any male does. But I've wanted this my entire life… And I'm not going to let this stop me," she finished with a much larger smile on her face. Gabby could even see the change in her demeanour in the minutes that she had been standing there.
"And you'll travel far with that attitude," complemented Gabby. "Don't lose it and who knows I might even be serving with you soon."
The young candidate nodded enthusiastically before checking her watch, "Damn," she exclaimed, "We've got that training thing tonight. Instructor, thank you for everything you've done for us."
Gabby smiled warmly at her, "Thank you for the lovely book Williams. You go kick some ass… And good luck with the rest of your candidateship." Scarlett gave one last wave as she headed out of the office.
She kept the smile on her face until she heard the footsteps disappear into the distance. Gabby groaned slightly, shuffling towards the edge of her desk linking her hands under her belly, holding it up slightly. Anything to give her huge bump some extra support, and it also seemed to help with her back discomfort. Honestly, she was feeling like the baby was going to fall out. Walking around and standing for a long time was agony. Rolling her hips slightly, she straighten back up determined to pick up her backpack and actually leave the academy now. She had had enough now and knew she could always come back if she had left anything. One last glance confirmed to her that she was pretty sure that she had everything, zipping her bag up.
It took some minutes more for Gabby to be able to finally shut the door to her office. It had been an interesting few months in this job. Over the last three days many of the other candidates had been dropping by to say goodbye and thank you, Gabby realised that she would happily serve with many of them either on Ambo or Truck. Whilst it hadn't been a 100% hit rate, she was fairly confident that there were changing attitudes towards the two cultures, at least at academy level. Change was happening.
Securing her backpack straps she started off towards her car, thinking about what she might be able to cook for dinner. There had to be leftovers in the fridge or something. Maybe cereal? The further into this pregnancy she got, the less likely she felt like making the effort and cooking when Matt was on shift. Even the idea of eating a large meal put her off. Shaking her head of those thoughts she continued her trek towards the exit.
Passing the drill hall, she looked up at the large sign that was painted above the doors; 'Thru these doors pass the best damn firefighters in the country'. Gabby had her hand on the cold metal handle before she had a thought and turned to hurry off to a quiet corridor.
Dropping her bag on the front counter, quietly she started down the hallway steeped in history and respect.
Gabby's eyes roamed the various metal shields that shone in the light of the hallway, over 570 of them. With one hand resting on the top of her belly, her right hand came up to press against the glass in front of the badge she had been searching for. A sob caught in her throat as she gazed at the plaque Leslie Shay May 2014. Shay had been on her mind during her first teaching day and it only seemed right that she came by today too.
There was a reason that the candidates weren't allowed down the wall of fallen heroes. There had always been the understanding and a respect given that after the first day of training the candidates wouldn't be allowed back into the area until their graduation day. And that was still many months away - close to June before they would be walking through this hallway again.
Gabby herself hadn't been in since the candidates' first day, she along with the other instructors had lined the walls around the cabinets and watched solemnly as the candidates had been marched through by the Dean of the Academy. And it was that same day that she had felt that kick in the guts of losing Shay in the warehouse fire, one that she still felt as keenly as she did all those years ago.
Many of the EMT candidates had somewhat naively believed that they didn't seem to be in as much danger as their fire fighting co-workers. But that fateful day in May, it wasn't a firefighter who hadn't made it out; it was her partner, her best friend… The one who she hadn't been able to call when Matt proposed. The one who wasn't by her side when she married the love of her life. Shay had been the one to kick her in the pants when her own fire candidateship had been a struggle and she wanted to give up. It was Shay who had supported her when Jones had come into Firehouse 51 and onto Truck. In those early days after she died the grief came in waves - and there were still times like that.
This was one of those. Gabby closed her eyes, just to imagine what life would be like if Shay was still here. Most likely would have been pestering Gabby about the gender of Smudge and reminding her that Leslie would be the perfect name for little Casey. Shay would have been the best godmother; there would have been no competition. She knew that it was a conversation that she was going to need to have with Matt in the not too distant future; godparents were important to her and her culture. More so than in many cultures Smudge's godparents would be another set of parents - someone to go to when Matt or she wasn't around. Severide was a given; but it had just hit her again - she didn't know confidently who she was going to entrust Smudge too.
Wiping a tear away, she brought her fingertips up to the glass that encased the badge again. Gabby still couldn't quite believe that Shay wasn't here. There were times that she still expected to see Shay laughing along with Severide over some stupid joke.
"What am I doing without you Shay?" she whispered. Breathing deeply a few times, trying in vain to keep the tears at bay. "Who is going to tell me that I'm doing it all wrong with Smudge arrives? Who's going to spoil her? ...And who is going to tease Matt every shift he arrives at late because of Smudge?" she sniffed. "Leslie… I would do anything to have you here…"
"There's no greater love than to lay down one's life for another," whispered Matt, leaning up against the pole a few steps away. Gabby gasped, startled at the intrusion. But there stood Matt, still in his uniform.
"What?" Gabby couldn't quite understand why her husband was standing in front of her, looking at the same badges. But it didn't matter, she had needed him and here he was. Without even needing to be asked, he just knew.
"I spoke to the Chief. I needed to be here today Gabs," Matt explained as he wrapped his arms around her, his hands rest above her belly. "Truck dropped me off."
"I don't know what to do without her Matt," she sniffed as the tears started to fall. "And I don't know what made me come down here… It's full of death…" The words fell from her lips as she allowed herself to cry.
"Hey, hey, hey." Matt turned her body into his own, cradling her body gently. "These badges, they don't represent death Gabby… they represent all the lives they saved… Shay is here, Darden is here. They loved their jobs - none of us know what tomorrow might hold. But we don't give it any less because of that."
There was a huff from Gabby as Matt swung the back door open for her. The temperatures had started to warm up in Chicago and Gabby was feeling the effects of it. On her way to the stairs, she discarded her handbag and jacket in the mudroom. With one hand on the bannister, she took a deep breath before taking her first step towards her bedroom. It felt like she had run a marathon, after all day on her feet this was becoming normal. Finishing at the Academy was the right decision today, her body was sore and Smudge felt heavy and low down. Every day was like running a full marathon.
Matt quietly watched from the doorway as Gabby slowly removed her name plate and placed it into the small jewellery box that stood on her dressing table. Even slower she removed her shield carefully as not to damage her shirt. Silently Gabby stood still as a statue, eyes locked onto the shiny item resting in her hands. The tears started to pool in her eyes as she ran her index finger over the number.
Gabby wouldn't have ever believed that this would be as hard as it was. She could never have thought it was this hard. For the first time in as long as she could remember she didn't have to work; in two days when Matt got up and left for work she wouldn't be going anywhere. There was a slight envious feeling deep down that she wasn't going to be going running into burning buildings anymore; that she wouldn't be going on Ambo runs; that she wouldn't be handing in any more marking. Honestly it was all actually overwhelming. She wasn't going to see her candidates going off to their houses or hear how they were travelling, and she wouldn't be around for those inevitable calls that they made back to the academy when they thought they weren't cut out for being a paramedic. So many of those really were suited and were just having a slight wobble.
With trembling fingers she laid the shield down on the brown surface of the table. The Chicago Fire Department was a huge part of her life and a heaviness settled in the pit of her stomach. It was a big part of both of their lives - Matt was an officer and she had held a number of roles. It was their second family. And today she had finished working with them. She actually felt guilty; they were starting a new part of their lives together and here she was wishing that today wasn't the last time that she would be pulling on her uniform.
A sob bubbled to the surface. Gabby's hand quickly moved to cover her mouth in some sort of attempt to keep it in.
There was a quiet whisper that came from behind her, "Hey." Matt's arms quickly wrapped around her, pulling her back into his chest keeping her upright. "It's okay," he reminded her allowing her to turn in his arm so they were face to face.
The tears started to silently run down her face, all the hormones overwhelming her. For someone who was normally so self-assured this was hard for Gabby. Matt didn't say anything, rather he slowly walked them over to the couch so she could let all the tears out. She sobbed for a full ten minutes before finally snuggling into Matt's broad chest.
With closed eyes Gabby's nimble fingers ran over his chest and played with the small buttons on his steel grey work shirt bringing them all the way up to his red bugles patches. Matt grinned slightly as he heard her breathing even out, not enough to fall asleep but enough to know that she had calmed down. In peaceful silence the couple sat tangled up together, Matt's hand quickly finding its' home on the right side of Gabby's belly with her own hand soon joining it comforted by the familiar movements of Smudge.
"Saw you looking at that big tub in our bathroom this morning," mentioned Matt. He felt Gabby's entire body twist at the mention of 'tub.' He didn't even need to look down to know that a large grin would be gracing her face.
With a slight smirk Matt pulled himself out from her. With a small flourish of a hand, he reached out to help her out of the chair. "Yes, I know that you're perfectly capable of getting up… Humor me…"
Gabby chuckled slightly, she knew full well that she wouldn't be able to get herself up from this cushioned chair. It took a while to even get out of the bed in the morning, where once it was simply a manoeuvre to sit up, Gabby was now dealing with an ever changing centre of gravity and finally decided to swing her legs around first and then use her arms to push herself up. A couple of mornings she had raised herself up too quickly and a wave of dizziness had overtaken her. So she was grateful for any help she could get, albeit not wanting to admit that aloud.
"So I was reading this morning..." Matt gently started. If they were going to have this conversation and put it all to rest then he knew it was better to start out with safe subjects. Smudge seemed to be just that. "...39 days until Smudge arrives."
"Umm what?" Gabby turned around from the sink to look at him with wide eyes. "That can't be right," she insisted.
"39 days," he confirmed. "Clearly marked on the calendar in the kitchen and in my office." Slowly he started with the small fiddly buttons of her white shirt. Gabby closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his hands running over her tight skin as the sound of running water in the background soothed her nerves.
"You remember that very few babies come on their due date right?" she questioned as Matt helped her into the bath. A deep moan left her lips as she sank back into the warm water enjoying the sensation that warm water provided. It was almost as if she could feel the tension releasing away from all of her tight and aching back muscles. A tap on the shoulder from Matt reminded her to scoot forward slightly so he could slip in behind her.
"But she's a Dawson - nothing but right on time."
She laughed slightly as the water waved around her with Matt's legs settled on either side of her. Leaning back she came into contact with his chest and she settled in, making herself comfortable. "He could be like his Daddy and probably arrive late. Make his Mama suffer for that little bit longer."
"You hear that Smudge," Matt spoke up tapping on her belly lightly. "You don't keep Mama and Daddy waiting too long…"
"Just not yet though!" interrupted Gabby in a stern voice adding her own taps.
"Let's hope that whoever he listens to, that continues after his arrival," Matt joked.
"39 days doesn't seem all too long away, but at the same time, it's almost an eternity."
"What are you going to miss?" he questioned his fingers drawing idle patterns over her stretched skin.
"I'm not going to miss huffing and puffing every time I have to walk up those stairs. Really wish we didn't buy a house with stairs," she grumbled.
"I could set up our bedroom in the seldom used formal dining room," Matt joked.
"Yeah, I could see that Matthew," she spoke turning to meet his eyes with a glare all over her face. "How are you going to get that mattress down the stairs? You and Severide nearly killed yourselves trying to get it around the stair corners when we first moved in. I'm still amazed that neither of you were seriously injured."
Matt tried to look indignant. "Two very qualified Fire lieutenants? Nothing was going to happen."
"You and Severide are good with halligans in a fire… Never said anything about mattresses and stairs," she laughed. Matt laughed along with her, enclosing her even closer with his arms.
Gabby slid up slightly and turned into Matt's body more allowing her head to nest into his neck. "Do you wish we knew?"
"Huh?" he questioned his fingers trailing up and down her upper arm.
"Would it be better if we knew if Smudge was a boy or girl? Would we be better prepared if we knew?"
"We are going to love our baby no matter whether it's a girl or boy."
"But you keep mentioning him," laughed Gabby lazily running a finger up his thigh. Smiling wryly Matt caught her wandering hand to press a kiss to the soft skin. Slowly Matt's hand splayed out across her belly. 'Do you remember the time when my hand covered your entire stomach?'
To Gabby that seemed like a lifetime ago, laughing slightly as Smudge rolled heavily in her belly causing miniature waves in the tub.
"It's funny to watch your belly completely distort like he is doing some twists and turns. It seems to be happening all the time. Now I'm getting to see him moving around like there is a party going on in there!" Matt confessed his hands repeatedly running over her firm bump, enjoying the feeling.
"Smudge is definitely running out of space though and I can always feel the outline of their body where my tummy is hardest," explained Gabby, her hand resting over the top of Matt's.
"With a stray foot here and there." He laughed before turning serious again. "And what else is going on in there?" he questioned tapping her temple lightly before brushing a kiss to the crown of her head and resting his head on her hair.
"I'm firmly in the moody camp now-"
"Really? I never would have noticed," teased Matt pulled her closer so she couldn't do anything to him.
She glared slightly before continuing, Gabby knew that this was the only way they were going to ever take another step forward. Everything around them was changing and she needed to let him in, before long they would have another member of their little family joining them, "It's a weird mix of feeling overwhelmingly grateful for this healthy pregnancy, and this growing little baby, and truly being so in love with them, and just being so overtired. These next six weeks can't go by quick enough, I'll tell you that Matt!"
"Here shuffle forward slightly," instructed Matt. Gabby was perplexed as to his reasoning, nothing was ever easy anymore. Cautiously she moved herself towards the opposite end, her knees instinctively bending around her belly. Matt started to run his hands over her stiff back, feeling the taut muscles beneath his fingers.
"You know when I told you that it was time to step back?" Upon the soft moan of recognition, his soft deep voice continued on, "It was never about telling you what to do… Gabby to do this thing where you jump into things and give it everything you can. And it wasn't me trying to say that you weren't concerned about Smudge or that you ever do anything to harm our little baby… Baby, it was me being Lieutenant Casey."
A soft laugh bubbled from deep inside Gabby, "Like I go all Gabby Dawson?" She had so desperately wanted to stay angry at him for what he had said to her, but it was seemingly impossible. Matt only wanted to protect them, that was it. Emotions ran high in their relationship, "Not the conversation for 3 am?" she joked.
"Something like that," confessed Matt, hands slipping around her hips feeling the sharp bones of her ilium. "I never thought I was doing anything wrong. But 3 am is never a good time to start a conversation like I did. I'm sorry Gabby." Sliding her back into him, he started trailing kisses along her shoulder blade, nipping at the skin gently. "Let's go to bed," he suggested as he felt her body stifle a yawn.
"What about dinner?"
"A nap then? Then we can order in some Thai, I'll even go to your favourite place…" he insisted. "The one near Med."
It was a slow move for Gabby to get out of the tub and into some comfortable clothing. As she had collected herself, Matt busied himself heating up the room and finding her pillows that had been pushed off the bed that morning. Obviously, she hadn't managed to reach them.
Matt had thought it wouldn't take long Gabby to slip into the land of slumber when they finally cuddled down into the soft confines of their bed. One small hand had been joined by a larger one on the top of her belly as she left her head resting on Matt's shoulder.
"Some days, I love that I'm in this phase of our lives and carrying a human being inside of me and other days, I just want to skip the whole process and get to the end result. There are definitely parts of my life and body that I'm ready to have back but then I think how I probably will miss so many little things about pregnancy that I take for granted now. Either way, I'm beyond excited to meet our little baby so pregnant or not, I just want to hold Smudge already!" Gabby told him snuggling into his arms in their bed.
Matt looked down at her with a warm smile over his face. Carefully not to jostle Gabby who now had her eyes closed Matt shuffled down to pull up the comforter up to tuck it around their joined form. Gabby sighed contentedly as she nuzzled in the space between Matt's shoulder and neck.
He couldn't lie, Gabby wasn't the only one wanted to hold Smudge. He had already started counting down the day until he could finally hold his own child. Matt already knew that nothing was ever going to be the same and he couldn't wait.
~ Her bones are fully developed by now, and she's turning her head, pirouetting, and moving her body from side to side ~
39 days readers… 39 days
~ Em