Chapter 15
The Art of Non-Verbal Spell Casting

The week before Easter break, Hogwarts students were starting to study over meals. Exams were scheduled throughout the week and no one was safe, mounds of papers and books scattered across the house tables and there was significantly less chatter.

Surprisingly, Lacey and I weren't cramming for Potions but for Defense Against the Dark Arts instead, which we had a scheduled practical exam for nonverbal spell casting that afternoon. We had our wands out and books open to review the theory, but we still couldn't get the basics perfectly. The exam would test our ability on both basic spells and more advanced defensive spells and we weren't even halfway through mastering the basics yet.

When I successfully levitated a piece of toast on my plate without secretly muttering Wingardium Leviosa, I squealed so loud half the Gryffindor table turned to look our way. I could tell Lacey was still saying the words under her breath so she demanded I tell her the secret.

"Practice, Lacey," I answered simply, feeling much too proud for someone who successfully casted a nonverbal spell for the first time this lateinto the year.

"Bugger," she mumbled disappointedly and continued to wave her wand wordlessly at the toast.

"I know an empty classroom down the hall," I said. "We have to practice defensive spells there after breakfast."

"How am I supposed to do defensive spells if I can't even make this bloody piece of toast float?" she exclaimed in frustration.

"Morning, ladies."

Lacey and I looked up to see the four Marauders take the empty space next to us. It's been a while since they joined us for a meal but I'd gotten used to their presence by now. Hardly anyone ever whispered and pointed fingers anymore so that was a relief.

"Why do you have your wands out?" James asked.

"We're practicing for a practical exam for Defense Against The Dark Arts," Lacey explained.

"Nonverbal spells," I added.

"Basic," Sirius snorted.

"What are you talking about?" Lacey said incredulously. "It's one of the most advanced spell casting lessons we'll have in our entire stay at Hogwarts!"

"You guys have mastered it though," I commented, remembering the number of times they've nonverbally casted spells in my vicinity. In fact, I hardly ever recalled a time they muttered a spell with their wands out.

"It's easier once you get the hang of it," Remus said, encouraging Lacey. "You just have to keep your mind clear for your goal and direct all your magical energy into the spell."

"Pity, because my mind's hardly ever clear," Lacey said, disappointed. "I'm always thinking about something!"

"And it gets difficult when you're actually dueling," I said. "How are you supposed to direct all your magical energy into one spell when you're constantly changing it?"

"I think it comes with magical maturity," Remus replied. "When you get a hang of doing spells nonverbally, it comes as second nature. Next thing you know, you're hardly ever saying the incantation because you're doing it in your head. You don't even notice."

"You guys never say it anymore," I pointed out, agreeing with his statement. "I've always noticed."

"We practiced a lot during the summer before seventh year," Sirius said, pouring coffee in his cup. "Since then, it came naturally."

"Moony's right," James said. "I don't even notice I'm casting spells nonverbally now."

"I wanna get to that level," Lacey pouted.

"Don't be discouraged." Remus smiled. "It took a while for Peter to get it."

"Yeah, I got a hang of it last," Peter agreed bashfully. "But I think my wand isn't as strong with nonverbal magic. Ollivander said so when I got it cleaned last time."

A new group arrived and took the seats on Lacey and I's other side, recognizing Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary. I glanced at James who was looking longingly at Lily and I saw Sirius nudging his shoulder to snap him out of it.

Lily smiled politely, sitting next to Lacey who was in between her and James. Lacey looked uncomfortable at the arrangement and I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing outright.

"Morning, everyone," Lily said then acknowledging the stacks of books and papers between Lacey and I. "Got exams too?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," I answered.

"We've got Potions this afternoon," Lily said, eyes narrowed at her fellow seventh years. "I'm assuming you boys are attending this session? Unless you plan on skipping out on a scheduled exam too."

"We're offended, Evans," Sirius said humorously. "Why would you think we'd skip class at all?"

"You do it once a week," Marlene said pointedly.

"Didn't think you noticed, McKinnon," James said. "Do you really miss us that much when we're not in class?"

"Don't think we'd ever miss you guys making Professor Slughorn's chalk powder disappear whenever he summons it," Lily snapped.

The four boys chortled childishly as if remembering the prank as a fond memory. I shook my head, wondering how chaotic their classes could be. In an effort to save Lacey from cockblocking the obvious glances between Lily and James, I started to stack the parchment and books together and stuffed them into my bag.

"Leaving already?" Sirius asked.

I thought I saw Mary look up from her plate to watch our interaction.

"Lacey and I have to practice dueling," I said, nodding at my best friend to urge her to pack up as well. She complied immediately.

"The owls haven't even come yet," Sirius said. "Don't we pass as good company over breakfast?"

"Keep us company when we haven't got a practical exam in the afternoon. See you later," I replied, swinging my bag over my shoulder and waving the group off.

Lacey and I exited the Great Hall without another word. On the way to the empty classroom, Lacey chattered about Lily and James' 'serious problem' about their relationship. I had filled her in about what I witnessed in the kitchens two weekends ago and she wasn't particularly surprised, but she couldn't grasp why they refused to just get together and be happy.

Given I only became friends with James this year and I hardly knew Lily at all besides our brief conversations, I knew I wasn't in the place to judge. Sirius explained their weird dynamic to me a few times and my talk with James in the kitchens gave me more context, so I knew the problem was deeper than whatever an outsider's point of view was.

With the war going on, Lily might have been hesitant in starting a relationship, but I knew what she felt for James was strong and real. Anyone could see it. I had a good feeling they would settle their differences in opinions and be happy eventually. James' perseverance and efforts would finally bear fruit, and I would be happy for him once it happened.

Once we arrived in the classroom, Lacey and I charmed the tables to push them aside. I told her to practice on the chairs to levitate them nonverbally first before we started the duelling.

"Gotta clear my mind," she muttered to herself, wand out and face determined. "Focus my magical energy."

"You got this, Lace," I cheered her on, sitting on the professor's table to observe her.

She repeatedly practiced for about five minutes then the door burst open with a bang. We both flinched in surprise and Sirius was standing by the hall, arm outstretched and gripping the door handle. His face was white as sheet and his forehead was lined with sweat as if he sprinted here in panic.

I blinked, utterly baffled and waited for him to speak and explain. A chill ran down my spine as I took in the expression on his face. It didn't look like he was giving good news.

"Monica," he breathed, panting heavily. "I've got to talk to you."

"Okay," I said immediately, leaping off the table and following him out the door.

Lacey watched us curiously but I gestured for her to carry on practicing, knowing she needed all the time she could get before the practical exam that afternoon.

I closed the door behind me and braced myself. Sirius ran one hand through his dark hair and I just noticed the Daily Prophet he gripped in the other.

"What's up?" I asked, confused.

He passed me the newspaper and I hesitantly accepted it, glancing at the headline which immediately got my full attention.

Diagon Alley Attack: Unidentified Death Eaters Raid Twilfitt and Tatting's and Residential Area

"Bloody hell," I croaked, quickly reading through the article which mentioned no casualties but five injured currently being treated at St. Mungo's.

"Remus told me your mum lives there," Sirius said. "The owls came after you left. I had to show you."

"My owl," I said quickly, numbness spreading from my head to my arms. "Did my owl come?"

"Is it a barn owl?" he asked. "There was one that came by us but no one claimed the letter and it left. Do you know where it usually finds you if you're not at the Great Hall?"

"My dormitory," I replied shortly, breaths short and eyes wide. "I have to go."

"I'll come with you," Sirius said.

It barely registered in my head because I was already sprinting to Gryffindor Tower. I would explain to Lacey later, the only thing in my mind was any possible update from my mum and dad. A flurry of potential scenarios ran through my head and the physical numbness spread throughout my entire body, barely feeling the impact of the ground on my feet as I made my way to the tower. Echoes of Sirius jogging behind me vaguely rang in my ears.

The Daily Prophet reported the attack happened yesterday afternoon and if there were no casualties, she must have found time to send me a letter unless she was unconscious. My dad wouldn't have known about the attack because he didn't subscribe to the Daily Prophet. If my mum were unconscious, I wouldn't be getting an update at all. Yet, Sirius mentioned a barn owl with a letter so if it were Tallie, the letter must have been from my mum or dad. It had to be.

When I reached the Fat Lady's portrait, I couldn't even remember the password and I frustratedly spluttered a couple of old ones while the Fat Lady stared down, looking bored.

"Polyjuice," I thought I heard Sirius say once he caught up with me. I heard him panting in exhaustion from behind but I paid him no mind.

It must have been the correct password because The Fat Lady swung open and I ran inside, tripping over the elevated step going in the common room and feeling searing pain on my numbed knees at the impact.

"Monica!" he called in worry and I felt his hands reach for my shoulders to lift me up.

I accepted his help and ignored the pain, stumbling at my feet when I was pulled up. I pushed against his grip and darted up the girls' staircase. Cold sweat dripped down my forehead as I ran upstairs and the tower's breeze nipped at my bare neck, taunting me with dread. Sirius tried following from behind me but the staircase transformed into a slide and he slipped while cursing under his breath.

I barged in the dormitory alone, spotting Tallie by the window. I hastily untied the letter from her foot. Hands violently shaking, I sighed in relief when I recognized the handwriting on the envelope.

As I opened it, Sirius appeared by the door, breathing heavily. I briefly wondered how he was able to get past the stairs but I didn't ask, eyes focused on the opened letter.

My Monica,

You must have seen the reports by now, but if not, there was an attack in the store and my flat area. I was on leave because I was not feeling well so they raided Twilfitt and Tatting's first and went to my flat after.

I want to tell you that I'm okay. I suffered a few burns from the blast and they didn't get to me because I had protective spells around the flat. They blew it up instead to get through the charms but the Aurors came and they disapparated.

I'm not sure why I was targeted, but I could hear them taunting me from outside so they knew my name. They mentioned the Dark Lord. I think they were irritated that I wouldn't speak with them so they blew up my hall.

I've informed your dad and I'll be staying with him after I get discharged. You need not worry about me. Twilfitt and Tatting's has closed operations so I will need to get support from your dad for the time being. I hope you won't mind.

I love you.

From,

Mum

I tried to stifle my sobs but tears were running down my cheeks and falling softly on the parchment. I read the letter over and over, convincing myself she was okay and she would be staying with my dad from here on. The relief I felt was unimaginable but I still couldn't stop crying. I shook to myself while my hands gripped the parchment, ink unreadable at this point due to the teardrops.

Feeling incredibly stupid and useless, I wondered how on earth they were able to find her and how easy it was for me to leave the Great Hall without receiving the update from my mum yet. I turned complacent and much too comfortable with my safety in Hogwarts that for a second, I forgot about the danger my mum was in.

Sirius was seated on the bed across me, staring blankly at the window and said nothing. I appreciated it because I didn't think I could take any of his humorous side comments with the state I was in.

I sobbed to myself for a good five more minutes, eyes still glued to the letter. I was well-aware of his presence, which curiously gave me comfort despite the lack of words. The consciousness I felt of him being there seemed to calm me down. My breathing started to slow down and the sobbing transitioned to weak sniffles. Sirius continued to sit there, gaze away from me as if he knew I preferred that. Part of me felt pathetic to have him around to witness me in this state but mostly I was grateful he stayed at all.

Eventually I shakily put the letter aside and stood to reach for Tallie's treats, desperately seeking something else to do other than sit there and cry while Sirius sat and waited. I could feel his eyes following me when I walked to my bedside table to grab the treats and approached Tallie to feed her. She eagerly nipped the food off my palm and immediately flew out to take her rest in the owlery.

I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve, leaning against the stone wall and trying to steady my breathing. I looked at Sirius who was now staring at the opposite wall, letting me calm down alone.

"She's fine," I said weakly. His head instantly turned to me, eyes full of sadness but his body visibly laxed in relief.

"She's in St. Mungo's?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, hastily wiping a few more tears that fell. "She'll be staying with my dad after. He's a muggle so it'll be much safer."

"That's great, Mon," Sirius said, nodding approvingly. "I didn't know your mum was living there. Remus mentioned it earlier when we got the headline."

"Thanks for telling me," I said in all sincerity. "Really, I would have gone mad if I found out later. I should've waited for the bloody paper. I've done so everyday since she started living there but nothing's happened until now. I feel so stupid."

"You didn't know," Sirius said, tone firm.

"Yeah," I breathed, walking towards my bed and sitting back down across him.

He hesitantly faced me, expression twisted in a way as if trying to find the right words to say before speaking again.

"It's great she's here for you now, you know," he began slowly. "Remus said she moved here to spend time with you. Has she… She's left her family in France then?"

"She did," I confirmed, looking out the window despairingly at the reminder. "I gave her a chance and she's been doing well ever since. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her while it's going so well."

I stifled another sob and bit my lip, furiously wiping my damp eyelids.

"They targeted her," I continued, wondering if Sirius could offer anything that would make me understand why.

He frowned. "What d'you mean?"

"It wasn't meant to be a mass attack," I explained, feeling a strong, indescribable urge inside of me. "She said they went to where she worked but she wasn't there. So they went to her flat and they called her name."

"So they went there for her specifically?" he asked, surprised.

I nodded, chest heavy. "She said she refused to speak with them so they blasted her place to get through the protection. The Aurors came after that."

"Monica, I'm sorry to ask," he began, hesitant. "But your French side. Do they openly support him?"

"I don't know at this point," I mumbled truthfully. "When I asked Clara, she said the war hadn't reached there yet. But now, I'm not so sure."

"You can't underestimate him," Sirius said bitterly, fingers visibly flexing against the sheets of the mattress he sat on. "He's recruited most of the pureblood families in Great Britain."

"I know, I know. But France is a totally different area."

"Whatever it is, your mum could be in real danger." He leaned forward, looking me in the eye. "When purebloods refuse to get on his side, they're called—"

"Blood traitors, I know," I interrupted weakly.

"Yeah, and they're just as bad as muggleborns to him," Sirius continued, tone hard. "You have to tell her to put protection around your dad's place too."

"I will," I said.

Blood rose to my head and a vengeful determination soared in my body. I wondered who the Death Eaters were and it irritated me how quickly they escaped. The Aurors couldn't even name them. Had they been monitoring her? Following her around because she was a potential recruit? Remus mentioned there were rumors about Death Eaters raiding Diagon Alley and the reports of blastings near the Leaky Cauldron shook me and suggested the rumors were true, but I never entertained the possibility that my mother was important enough to be a specific target. She was just a woman from France.

"Monica, don't think of doing anything rash," Sirius said in a comforting tone. "These things happen so frequently these days and the end goal is to take him down. We won't let this happen again."

I looked at him, observing the way his face transitioned so quickly from hard bitterness at the topic of Voldemort to distinct worry towards me. He pursed his lips as if he already knew what was going on in my head at this moment. They won't let this happen again, he said. He meant him and his Order; this all-mighty Order that gave me the impression that they could and would do anything to save wizarding kind from an arrogant, fascist Dark Lord who found it so easy to rip families and friends apart. A group that shared the goal to end Voldemort once and for all.

"I want to join the Order," I voiced out my thoughts instinctively, giving Sirius a wide-eyed look to let him know he was my only hope to satisfy the anger and vengeance in me. "Tell me how."

"Mon, it's not that easy," Sirius sighed as if he expected this from me all along. "I told you. You have to be off age."

"I'll be seventeen in a few weeks," I snapped.

"But you got one year left at school, Mon," he said exasperatedly. "You have your whole life ahead of you. You have to finish school."

"Why?" I demanded. "Why do I have to? Tons of jobs only require OWLs. You guys skip out once a week so how's seventh year even important?"

He sighed again, getting up from the bed in one quick move and crouching on the floor to get close to me. I looked down at him, feeling more and more hopeless by the second.

"Don't be like me, Mon," Sirius said softly. "You're smart. You have your own goals. It's different with me. I've already got a plan."

"I don't care!" I cried, emotions skyrocketing again and letting the tears free fall down my cheeks. "I have to help. Let me help."

"Monica, you're throwing away a multitude of opportunities if you leave Hogwarts early." He tried to reason out, beginning to sound a bit irritated. "This is a serious decision you're making!"

"You haven't even got a plan!" I sobbed, flapping my hands in the air in anger. "You don't want to work and now you're telling me that I've got to?! Who are you to tell me what to do anyway? What do you know about opportunities after Hogwarts?"

"Monica," he said sadly.

"My mum is going to be in hiding and you're telling me to go back to school and pretend she isn't," I said harshly.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said, voice still level but gray eyes flashing.

"I can't be that selfish, Black!"

"Oh, so it's Black again now," he commented snarkily, standing up straight and leaning against the bedpost.

"Just shut up, will you?" I snapped, getting up on my feet to meet his eye. "Why are you even here?"

"Because I'm your friend, Monica!" he said, raising his voice. "I know how this feels! A ton of people I care about are in hiding right now for the exact same reason as your mum!"

"And what did you do?" I spat. "You joined the Order, right? Why can't I do the same?"

"Monica, you have to be a trained wizard! This is dangerous stuff! This isn't a full time job with benefits. You're the only one paying for joining and it's with your bloody life! How are you supposed to fight when you can't even cast nonverbal magic, eh?"

A wave of hurt washed over me. I stared at him, silent and my mouth agape. Heat seared at the back of my eyes, more tears threatening to fall. What I said to him wasn't fair but I wasn't in the mood to make amends after hearing the nasty truth bomb he dropped.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, looking regretful. Seeing him there, in my dormitory, just made me feel more pity for myself because he was right. But I wanted to prove him wrong.

Doing what I did best, I made a run for it without another word. I briskly made my way down the stairs, hiding my face so not to let him see the furious tears running down my cheeks at his words. I heard Sirius' heavy footsteps follow me out the door and he called my name.

"Monica! Monica, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like—Shit! Forgot the bloody countercharm again!"

When I reached the common room, I assumed the stairs transformed into a slide again behind me at the sounds of Sirius struggling. I didn't look back and left through the portrait. As I walked down the hall, I didn't hear his steps following me out and I started to cry, noisy sobs and heavy breathing bouncing in echoes against the walls.

I got an Acceptable for my practical exam, further proving how immensely unprepared I was for what was out there. I didn't take the result well and for the rest of the night, I buried myself under my sheets and refused to see anyone.

My eyes were more swollen than the time I ate nuts when I was eight and I didn't know I was allergic. It was difficult to open them because blinking was painful. I tried to sleep several times but my mind haunted me with scenes of the Death Eater attack, wondering how scared and confused my mum could have been.

I realized how much she meant to me, despite last seeing her in King's Cross and remembering how guarded I still was around her. She finally made a step to mend things with me, only to nearly cut it short by a couple of mad purists who thought recruiting her would be a good idea.

She refused to talk to them. That was the only thing that mattered to me. Regardless where the rest of my French side stood, I knew for sure my mum didn't even think twice, further proving how sincere she was in her apology and efforts.

I wanted to write her back, but every time I tried, I didn't think it was enough to express how I actually felt. A pile of ripped up and crumpled parchment lay pathetically on my side table, reminding me how incompetent I was in expressing anything real and vulnerable.

I hadn't seen Sirius since our fight, counting it as a third of the number of times I showed him such a raw side of me. I wondered how he was able to get it out of me so easily when to anyone else, I could barely open myself up. He was probably regretting being my friend by now after witnessing how much of a mess I actually was.

I heard the door creak open while I was under my sheets. The tears stopped an hour ago, likely all used up. My energy level was practically null so I didn't even bother to check who it was. But the sound of her light steps was enough for me to identify her.

"Monnie?" Lacey said softly.

She was close to me and I felt her weight at the edge of my bed. I still couldn't find the will to talk to her but she didn't leave despite my silence.

"I know you're awake," she said. "You're breathing too fast to be sleeping."

"I want to be alone," I finally replied, keeping my sheets over my head.

"I understand," she said, patting my knee over the quilt. "But I brought you some food from the kitchens. You skipped dinner so I thought you might be hungry."

As if on cue, my stomach gurgled so loud, the whole common room must have heard it. I mentally cursed its timing. Finding no good reason to stay in position, I slowly lifted myself to sit up, bed sheet slipping off the top of my head, and I opened my eyes, allowing her to see my disastrous state. The sight of her was unclear behind my swollen eyelids but it was past dinner so the dormitory was dimly lit by the few candles scattered around the room.

A small smile appeared on Lacey's face when she saw me and she gently pushed the packed food in my hands.

"Thank you," I muttered, slowly unwrapping it.

"I'll leave you to it then," Lacey said, turning away to leave.

"No," I said instantly, making her pause. "You can stay, Lace."

She blinked twice then gladly positioned herself more comfortably on the edge of my bed. I eagerly munched on the ham sandwiches she brought me and drank the jug of pumpkin juice that came with it.

"I didn't realize I was so hungry," I chuckled as I finished the first sandwich. "Thanks, Lace."

"I got you treacle tart for dessert too," she said. "They didn't serve it for dinner but the house elves were more than happy to make some for me."

"You're a saint," I breathed, finding the treacle tart in a separate container and immediately devouring it.

She stayed silent for a while, watching me as I munched on my late dinner. I knew how much she probably wanted to probe on my situation further like she usually did, but even Lacey could tell when something was too serious to interrogate me about.

"Monica," she finally said after I swallowed my last bite of the treacle tart.

"Hm?" I lifted my head to look at her, still feeling so much pain within me that I secretly hoped she got the memo to stop with the questions first.

"You're not coping too well. Sirius talked to me."

I blankly stared, feeling a turn in my stomach at the mention of Sirius' name.

"You've got to stop being our mediator," I said lightly. "I'm fine. I can handle him."

"He was really worried about you, Mon," she continued. "It made me worried too. He said you didn't want to come back for your last year at Hogwarts."

"I did say that," I admitted, feeling stupid now that the practical exam was over. "But I'm fine now. I'll definitely come back. I'm... not ready to leave yet. I can't fight Voldemort if I can't even do nonverbal magic properly."

I echoed Sirius' words but they didn't comfort me. If anything, the hurt I felt when he said it returned and I tried to avoid Lacey's eye so she wouldn't notice.

"Monica, it isn't even just about that," Lacey said, taking my hand. "You and I have talked about our plans after Hogwarts and it scares us. I'm worried you won't be able to chase your dreams if you decide to drop out."

"I haven't even got dreams," I said bitterly. "I don't even know what I want to do."

"Which is perfectly normal, Mon," she insisted. "You're not crazy for not knowing. But what I do know is you're an amazing witch and any job would be lucky to have you. You need to find a stable life for yourself and your family. Don't throw that away."

"I'm not throwing it away, Lace," I assured her, but I didn't know if I believed myself. "I'm coming back. Don't worry."

"Alright then," Lacey said with a smile. "Have you written back to your mum?"

I frowned, glancing at the ripped up parchment on my table.

"No," I sighed. "It's hard. I want to tell her so many things. That I forgive her and I'm glad she's okay and to do anything to keep herself safe. I just… I don't know how to put all these feelings down on paper. It's frustrating."

She squeezed my hand, getting me to look back at her.

"Mon, I think you already know," she said gently. "You just have to let yourself write it down. Put down your guard, convince yourself that you trust her, and tell her exactly how you feel. Just allow yourself to open up, Mon."

I stared at her for a few seconds, confused at how she always knew what to say. But Lacey stuck by my side long enough to understand me so well. She enabled the self-destructive things I did because I was always too stubborn to stop, but when the time was right, she encouraged me to do things out of my comfort zone and gave suggestions in the most positive way possible.

Putting aside the empty food containers, I reached out and wrapped my arms around her neck. She hugged my torso, rubbing my back comfortingly. Words couldn't adeptly express how much I appreciated her in my life and in an effort to allow myself to open up like she asked, I poured everything I had into the hug, knowing she got the message.

When I released her, her eyes were glinting with tears and I frowned, wondering if she didn't get the message after all.

"Sorry, I'm just emotional," Lacey laughed, quickly wiping her eyes. "You never hug me."

"I don't hug anyone ever," I joked, but briefly remembered sharing one with Sirius and James in Hogsmeade.

I shook my head to remove the irrelevant memory then swung my legs off the mattress.

"Where are you going?" Lacey asked as I got on my feet.

"Library," I said shortly, gathering the remaining parchment that wasn't either ripped or crumpled. I stuffed it in my bag and pulled my Hogwarts robes over my pyjamas.

"It's nearly late," Lacey warned. "The library's closing in an hour or less."

"That should be enough time to pour my feelings into a letter, isn't it?" I said, turning back towards her. "I can't write here. I need a place where I can think."

"Fine," she conceded. "Just don't stay out after hours. You know what happened last time."

Lacey referenced the werewolf incident which made me chuckle a bit. I couldn't believe that happened half a year ago and how much has changed since then. I disappointedly confirmed how disastrous the conversation with Sirius was earlier that I may have ruined the budding friendship we formed since that night, but I tried to push him away from my mind to focus on what to write back to my mum.

Bidding Lacey goodbye, I exited the dormitory and jogged down to the common room, trying to catch as much time I had left to finish the letter. In the common room, the Marauders were seated by the fireplace as usual. I caught Sirius' eye when I emerged from the staircase but I didn't stop to say hello, merely nodding to acknowledge him before I exited the portrait.

I half hoped he would follow me so we could sort things out and I could apologize for what I said that morning, but I didn't hear footsteps following behind me. Another wave of disappointment ran through my body but I ignored it, writing back to my mum the more important matter at hand.

The library was nearly empty by the time I reached it and looking at the clock, I only had thirty minutes left before the librarian kicked me out. I hurriedly took the table closest to the door and laid out my parchment. I readied my quill and let the calmness of the library take over me.

Smiling to myself, I thought about my mum and how happy she would be receiving a letter from me. I thought about how worried I was for her and how much I actually looked forward to being part of her life. For the first time, I mentally told myself loud and clear that I accepted it. I wanted to help her get better and I wanted to give her a chance. I could see it in her how badly she wanted to change and I was positive that things were on the right track for us. With that, I began to write.

Mum,

I want you to know that I was so worried about you this morning. I cried all day. It really sucked. For a moment, I thought you were dead, as soon as I read the headline. It said there were no casualties but that still couldn't calm me down.

It just hit me how much I want to give you this chance and I can really see how hard you're trying to get better. Writing to me constantly about your new life in London, it's really inspired me and I'm proud of you.

We're still trying to figure out why the Death Eaters targeted you, but we think it's because you're a pureblood from a wealthy family. I don't know if the rest of them openly support him, but I'm really happy to know you refused to entertain them, even if that put your life on the line.

I'm proud to be your daughter, Mum. Even if I never show it. You're stronger than I ever imagined and I haven't given you enough credit. I'm sorry for that.

When you move to dad's (and of course that's okay, are you kidding me?), you need to put protection around the house because they hunt for blood traitors the same way they do for muggleborns. It's not safe for you anymore.

Dad will take care of you and support you. You have to stay indoors as much as possible. I'll see you real soon and you have to continue being strong.

With Love,

Mon

I contemplated rewriting the whole thing just to remove the 'with love' signature, but Lacey's advice about allowing myself to open up floated in my mind and I decided I wanted to keep it in.

Feeling satisfied and much lighter since the start of the day, I folded the letter in half and placed it in a clean envelope. I would send it through Tallie in the morning.

Slowly packing up my stuff, I caught sight of a dark-haired and gray-eyed boy entering and my heart skipped. I blinked twice only to register that it wasn't who I wanted to see, but his younger brother instead.

Regulus Black caught me staring and I immediately looked away, packing my things at a quicker pace. There was no one in the library at this point since it was closing in five minutes. The librarian's area was on the other side of the room, so if Regulus decided to throw an Unforgivable at me for whatever reason, I'd have no witnesses.

"Hey," he said, voice creepily calm as usual and he made his way towards my table.

"Hello," I said politely, zipping up my bag and ready to run out the door. "Er, I'm heading out. Bye."

"Wait," he called, making me stop mid-turn.

"Yes?" I said nervously, looking back.

"Why are you here so late?" he asked conversationally.

"No reason," I replied smoothly, wishing the conversation would end so I could remove myself from his vicinity.

"I see," he said, tilting his head a bit to the side as if contemplating what he should say next.

"Can I go now?" I asked lamely.

"Have you been reading the papers?" he suddenly said, tone still eerily level and bored.

"Yes," I said, irritation evident since I was addressing one of Voldemort's lackeys. He might not have been involved in my mum's attack since he was still a student but the connection was still enough to make me dislike him even more.

"Okay," he said simply.

"Why do you ask?" I dared to say.

He continued to stare at me, expression remaining blank and it infuriated me even further.

"Flat rates have gone down in wizarding areas, haven't they?" he said and I frowned, confused at the weird and irrelevant turn of the conversation. What was he yapping on about flat rates for?

"Er, what do you mean?"

"Don't think wizard landlords properly tend their flats," he commented monotonously. "Don't suggest Diagon Alley. Would be a waste of money."

I blinked at the preposterous suggestion, wondering why on earth he was giving me advice on flat shopping when his co-Death Eaters were the ones closing up the wizarding streets. I tilted my head to the side, exploring the possibility that he was giving me some sort of hint.

Without another word, he disappeared into the bookshelves and I hurriedly exited the library, trying to make sense of what he said.

A/N - I wrote this chapter weeks ago and I still get so happy reading it again and again. To be frank, I always had this idea that Voldemort's side was so aggressive during the first war in Marauder's era that his followers would try to get literally any possible recruit - wizard or magical beasts - on his side. This isn't to say Monica's mother is a pivotal character to aid Voldemort in the war. This is just to highlight how I always felt in my head, the war during Marauder period was much more of a slow burn and recruitment was a huge part of the process, so I felt anyone with the right profile could be a potential recruit.

Another thing I also want to talk about is how I portray Regulus in the story. I always felt the sudden cognitive dissonance with Kreacher and being a Death Eater was more than meets the eye. I think of him of someone who was unfairly molded into a bad man, but with the unwelcome guidance and advice of Sirius, it could have also been a contributing factor to his future decisions. Like I don't find it completely out of character to show some signs of goodness because we all know what happens to him eventually, and a series of life experiences could have led to it, with the tipping point of the Kreacher situation.

Anyway this is one of my favorite chapters so far and I really hope you guys like it too. Hope you can give me your thoughts in reviews because I love hearing what you have to say. Thank you everyone for coming this far. I wouldn't be able to pre-write all these chapters and update as quickly as I do without you. :)