How long have I been gone for? Well I hope it's worth the wait. Not long now until we meet Smudge

Week Thirty Seven

~ Candidate is as long as stalk of Swiss chard ~

Gabby woke with a start, late morning. She remembered coming downstairs earlier in the morning before the sun had completely risen. A book lay discarded on her belly, still open. She was surprised to notice how late it was. Her sleep was getting sporadic at night, trying to find a position that she could stay in for an extended amount of time was hard. Last time Matt had been on shift she had slept most of the night in the rocking chair in the nursery. That ability to have those precious hours of sleep were so important to Gabby. Everyone had been telling her that sleep was precious, unfortunately, it was evading her. So when she had to be at home by herself, it was very much a struggle for her. And people kept telling her that she should sleep whilst she could, that she couldn't understand; it's not like she could bank the sleep for when Smudge actually arrived.

And last night had been particularly rough on her, no matter what Gabby had done she wasn't able to get comfortable. She had been feeling incredibly large for weeks and with what was only realistically was a few weeks to go, she was feeling enormous. Being of a smaller frame than others, the extra weight and belly had taken its toll. It had been hard trying to settle into bed last night and there was no comfortable position with the belly.

Smudge hadn't helped matters, the baby was a night owl, increasingly so over the last two or three weeks. It honestly felt like Smudge was dancing on her ribcage and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. There was no stopping him… or her. Smudge was fast running out of room, probably had already if Gabby was honest with herself. And Gabby's back ached. Every passing day was further aches and pains. She wanted to enjoy the last few moments of just being her and Matt so very much, but at the same time ready to meet Smudge. Not to mention have her own body back. Just two nights ago she had managed to convince Matt to come to bed early in the evening just so he could sit upright in bed and allow her to snuggle into him. Somehow by curling into his side, resting her head onto his chest and propping a pillow between her legs had somewhat helped her aching back. Another pillow beneath her belly had helped support it and the steady beating of Matt's heart had lulled her into a deep slumber for a number of hours. It can't have been comfortable for him, sitting mostly upright with an arm around her shoulder. The television had been playing in the background when she drifted off and was still on when she awoke at 1 am needing the bathroom.

Last night she didn't have her human pillow and it had to have been one of the worst night's sleep Gabby had, or hadn't had… She had been completely miserable, an hour or so here and there during the night and getting up to use the restroom when she finally felt comfortable in bed. Her entire stomach had felt like something was pressing down on it and she had struggled to catch her breath a few times. Upon feeling like she was ready to throw up, she had given in and called Matt only for it to go to voicemail. He must have been out on a call. It wasn't until the third trip to the bathroom, with the pressure and painful sensations that Gabby recognised the Braxton Hicks contractions. So she had taken a cold glass of water into the nursery and paced the halls for a short while to ease the discomfort that she was feeling.

All she wanted to do was lie on her back and just fall asleep, was it too much to ask? Not only had she read that it was dangerous to sleep on her back and everyone would remind her of this, she just couldn't physically do it. Every time she was on her back, it felt like she was going to suffocate. She just couldn't take a deep breath, well she couldn't really breathe well at all. Like her lungs were being compressed. So really, the only way she could sleep was on her side, left side especially. And she was tired of sleeping on her left side. People kept telling her 'get all sleep you can'; what a load of rubbish. Every position was uncomfortable and it wasn't like she could stockpile the sleep for when Smudge arrived.

Around 4 am she had given up even trying to sleep. It had been a bit of a vicious cycle with the need for water to help slow the Braxton Hicks down with the constant need to get out of bed and use the restroom again. It was during that time that she decided it would be much easier to just remove herself from the bed. Sighing loudly, Gabby had placed a hand on the under her belly as she had rolled out of bed. Smudge wasn't too good if she stayed in one place for too long and the pelvic pain that she had experienced that morning was no different to any other morning recently. Gabby was just grateful that it was a fleeting pain that seemed to disappear soon after it started. She had also found this morning, that twisting with her knees together was helpful.

It has a slow move around the bedroom to throw on a dress. As cool as the weather still was in Chicago, Gabby was still carrying around a personal heater. And whilst she really wanted to turn down the heat in the house, she didn't think that Matt getting a cold at this point was going to be a good thing. So it had been decided that they would set the temperature to one that was slightly more comfortable for her, however it was a temperature that was probably a little lower than it was everywhere else in Chicago, meaning Matt needed to still wear long sleeves, if not a jumper, but she could get away with short sleeves most of the time.

Which had led her to this point; sitting on one of the large plush armchairs in their front living room. Gabby stretched her legs out over the coffee table that was within reach, her hands smoothing her shirt, well actually Matt's shirt, over her belly. She had been loving nearly every moment of being pregnant, but the closer she got to the end the more she was ready for it to be over. She was ready to meet Smudge and get started with the next chapter of their lives.

A tingling of fingers pulled her out of the motion of running her hands over her belly. There had been a few mornings that Gabby had woken up with the same tingling and it was just uncomfortable. With her thumb, she turned her wedding ring around and around her finger, but just wasn't moving as easily as it normally did. People had told her time and time again that she would likely have to remove her rings at some point of the pregnancy and as much as Gabby wasn't ready to believe it, maybe it was time. The newest ring that Matt had given to her only weeks previously, that seemed to be slightly larger, yet even that was getting a little tight around her finger. Groaning softly Gabby started to twist her rings off, wriggling them back and forth in an attempt to pry them off of her finger. It wasn't easy and Gabby didn't really want to get up to try and get them off with too much force. No, rather she pursed her lips and yanked slightly harder on the rings. Once they were passed her first knuckle, all three rings slid off with ease. Resting them momentarily on the top of her belly, Gabby unclasped her necklace before sliding the rings on. It was an unfamiliar feeling for Gabby, looking down at a bare hand. First time in a long time that one of Matt's rings wasn't gracing her hand, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Maybe if she tried she could get that eternity ring on later it might work.

She watched as the diamonds caught the little light there was in the room, bouncing the light off in different directions. Gabby wasn't so sure about the lack of a ring on her finger still. It was just odd to see it. Clicking her tongue rapidly, she withdrew the last ring, her eternity ring and balanced it on her belly whilst she put her necklace back on. It might have taken a little time but Gabby was able to somehow get the ring back onto her finger without jarring it. After a few moments, she put her hand back down to rest on the chair without any more tingling happening.

Pointing her toes one last time, Gabby slid the book off of her lap and tossed it gently onto the floor, not care one little bit that she probably wouldn't be able to get it up again. She knew that she would likely miss the coffee table in front of her. That belly was getting in the way in more ways than one. Matt was just going to have to pick it up for her. Actually, a thought suddenly struck her, it was quite late in the morning, honestly, it was pretty much lunch time. Matt should have been home hours ago. And surprisingly Smudge hadn't nudged her nearly enough to make her want to eat, which was surprising since she hadn't really eaten since last night.

Fishing her phone out from behind herself Gabby pressed the screen to light up her phone again, checking to see if there was any missed messages or phone calls. Her brow furrowed slightly when she noticed that there was nothing from Matt. Resting her head back against the headrest she contemplated where she was.

Three weeks or so until Smudge would hopefully make his or her entrance and life as she knew it would never be the same. Her life would dramatically change as would Matt's. Their relationship would be changing too. And she couldn't wait. Finally, she felt ready and relaxed. Not quite as anxious as before. There was a calmness that had washed over Gabby and it was like she finally understood and just knew that she'd figure it out one day, one moment at a time and help will be there when she needed it. Maybe there was still some, maybe a few anxieties about the birth: What if something goes wrong? What if everything goes wrong?

But Gabby was sure that this wasn't any different to what any new mother was worried about. Things were right with the world. Smudge was head down and ready to go based on the latest ultrasounds. No lie, Gabby definitely had been feeling a lot more pressure and back pain as a result. As she looked down she was convinced that her bump has gotten HUGE.

And despite the few stretch marks that had unwelcomingly appeared, they had just seemed to pop up on her hips and lower belly… But despite it all, Gabby loved it. She wanted time to hurry up and slow down all at the same time.

Twisting slightly so she was able to use the arms of the chair to push herself up and out of her seat, Gabby quickly fired off a text message to Matt to see where he was as she managed to get to her feet. Afte,r that she slid her phone in the pocket of her dress and started towards the kitchen.

Boden sighed heavily as he raised his hand to knock on the Caseys' front door. Kidd had insisted at the scene that she accompany him to tell Gabby what had happened. She was going to need someone with her, a friend… Someone close to her. It had been a silent and tense ride from the scene. And the walk towards the front door hadn't been much better.

"Chief," Herrmann's gravelly voice was heard from behind the pair causing them to turn in confusion.

"Herrmann?" Kidd wasn't able to keep the surprise out of her voice. She hadn't noticed Truck 81 following them towards the house, but now she noticed it parked down the road. Otis was nowhere to be seen and neither was Jimmy, both still obviously in the truck.

"We need to be here…" he confirmed. Boden only nodded and turned back to his original task and knocked loudly.

The door slowly opened and Gabby's face was already white before Boden was able to open his mouth.

"Come on kid," Herrmann moved to one side as Kidd darted towards Gabby's other side, both reaching out to steady their friend.

"What's happened to Matt?" Gabby questioned, her voice barely above a whisper, as she was settled onto the couch. Kidd slid in next to her, her own hand never leaving Gabby's. Squeezing it gently, she hoped to pass on even a little strength and hope.

Boden eased himself into the armchair that he had dragged closer to the seated pair. Herrmann, himself, was content to just watch the situation, he never wanted to be around for this type of news delivery, but he had to be here for the young woman. He had decided to plant himself firmly behind Boden and tucked his hands into his pants next to his braces.

Gabby looked up at the two men, both a solemn look etched onto their faces. Boden placed a gentle hand onto her closest knee before beginning.

"Gabriela..." he started.

Gabby drew a sharp breath in, registering her full name. She mental tried to prepare herself for the worst as her free hand splayed across her belly. Every first responder spouse knew the risks of their partners' job, she knew it better than anyone else. Sensing this, Kidd started to rub her free hand up and down her back.

"Gabriela," the sound of Boden's deep voice brought her back to the present. "Matt is fine…"

"Breath Gabby," coached Kidd, hearing Gabby's breathing start to quicken and become slightly shallower. "Nice and slow… In and out… In and out…"

"Matt is fine. He had an issue with his tank running out of air…"

"Running out of air?" Gabby could hear her own voice start to shriek. "He ran out of air?!"

"He thought he had more time then he actually did," confirmed Boden. "He's fine though. Severide found him just inside the entrance. It seems that he must have become disorientated as his tank began to run out."

"He's okay kid," piped up Herrmann. He caught Kidd's eye and nodded. Swiftly they changed positions, allowing Gabby to lean in to him.

"I'm going to get your bag Gabs," Kidd mentioned over her shoulder as she made her way toward the stairs. She didn't need to ask where everything was. Stella knew that she could find everything in her friend's room, knowing to pack more than just her purse. An overnight bag with a few things for both Caseys would be suffice.

"Where is he?" questioned Gabby, still almost fearful of the answer.

"Med," replied Boden. "Severide is with him…"

"And the rest of the Truck company is outside waiting to go with you," interrupted Herrmann.

Gabby slowly nodded as she rose to her feet. Closing her eyes momentarily, steeling her nerves. "Okay, let's go!" she commanded as she jammed her wedding rings back onto her finger.

Gabby couldn't count the number of times she had come through the doors to Gaffney Chicago Medical Center flanked by Firehouse 51, let alone just coming in on Ambo 61. Unfortunately, it also stuck in her mind the number of time they had been in this position - that one when the entire company was present because one of their own was the patient.

Gabby thought back to the time when she was still 26 weeks pregnant and sat on the floor. What a simpler time that was, when her biggest problem was discussing what their kids name might be. And that she wasn't able to get up off the floor unaided. She vividly remembered wondering at the time what it was going to be like. It was never supposed to be about coming into the ER to see her husband lying in the bed, still in an unknown condition. It didn't matter to her how many times that Boden had reassured her that everything was okay and Matt was okay, until she saw him with her own eyes she wasn't going to be okay. To see him breathing with her own eyes… To be able to reach out and touch him, then everything might be okay.

Maggie made eye contact with Boden, nodded and moved forward to intercept the team.

"Gabby," she gently called out, catching her by the elbow. "Come on, Casey is waiting in one of the small rooms for his own room upstairs. He's okay… But with any breathing incident, we want him admitted to keep an eye on him. The rest of them are over there in the waiting area," she called over her shoulder nodding with her head.

Matt was sat up in a bed in a small off to the side room wearing an oxygen mask with Severide sitting next to him, laughing about something, the mask fogging up as he breathed.

As Gabby stood in the doorway taking all of this in, she couldn't take it. It was all much too overwhelming. She couldn't deal it all, knowing that she had come so very close to losing Matt, and here he was laughing it up with Severide. It all conflicted in her head and her heart began to race.

Without even being able to process it all, Gabby felt her heart racing and she felt that she couldn't breathe properly, she tried desperately to take a deep breath in. Instead, it was rapid, it was shallow. A dizziness over took her, one that she hadn't felt since her early days of the pregnancy. Her world was spinning faster and faster and she felt light headed, as if she was going to faint dead on the spot. Instinctively she reached out with a hand in some sort of attempt to steady herself as she swayed from side to side.

Matt looked up at the soft gasping noises that were escaping Gabby's body and watched in horror as the blood had fast drained from Gabby's face.

Gabby's body had gone into fight or flight mode and she could feel the panic attack building inside of her as she lost control. And there was nothing that she could reasonably do to stop the feeling coursing through her body.

"Sev," urged Matt, a look of worry crossing his face. Severide, fast on his feet, swiftly moved from his chair and helped Gabby into it.

"Breathe," coached Maggie coming up behind the pair. "Slow, deep breaths…" she continued as she bent down to rest her hands on Gabby's knees catching the panic stricken eyes of the woman, locking eyes with her. "Count slowly to three as you breathe in, and again when you breathe out. It may also help if you breathe into your tummy instead of your chest, so your belly moves with each breath."

Matt reached out with his hand, scooting over to the very edge of his temporary bed so he was able to touch her shoulder. Gabby's breaths were still coming out in ragged lots.

"Don't fight it. This may make you feel even more out of control. Instead, try to accept that you're not in any real danger, and that the panic attack will be over soon. Keep telling yourself, 'I'm going to be OK, everything is OK,' until the feelings subside… You're going to be okay Gabby," continued the smooth voice of Maggie, breathing deeply along with her.

Gabby's hands went to the base of her belly as she felt a tightening, her eyes widening. There was a little voice in her head telling her that it was too early for Smudge to make their appearance.

Maggie's well trained hands followed Gabby's to feel what was happening. She could feel the muscles of the young paramedic's uterus tight and taut. "Breathe Gabby, in and out… In and out… It's just a braxton hicks. Everything is going to be okay." Realistically Maggie knew that it could be real labour, but was willing to take a punt to ensure that Gabby calmed down. Seconds later she felt the muscles behind her palm relax. "Can you grab a drink of water for her Severide? ...Now Gabby, just keep breathing nice and deeply… It's all going to be okay," she reassured looking over at Matt who was looking just as concerned as Gabby was. "Everything is fine."

A few hours later they finally settled Matt into a room. Gabby had been milling around outside his room attempting to calm herself down. She still wasn't able to settling the feelings that were churning around, it didn't seem to matter that she had been able to see Matt, see him breathing. It still didn't seem real.

The room had been overwhelming; she loved their firehouse family. They were always there when needed and without a single question. Cindy Herrmann had already been to visit armed with sandwiches and cookies, enough to feed an army. When she left she had done so with a promise of bring a hot meal for Gabby later in the evening, but Gabby couldn't even think about eating at the moment. Even though she could reach out and touch Matt, it just didn't seem real that he was alive. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she had come so incredibly close to losing Matt today.

Gabby herself was a first responder and she knew that every shift could end in tragedy. But, nothing had prepared her for what had happened today. Add to this the closeness of the timing for Smudge to make their appearance and hormones were running wild. On one hand, she couldn't believe how lucky Matt was to have escaped fairly unscathed. On the other hand, she want to punch Matt, HARD! To put them in this position, she wanted to curl up in the corner of the room and cry her eyes out. Not that she was even able to curl up any more.

So after around thirty minutes of the entire house being in the room with her and Matt, Gabby had quietly excused herself. Stella had moments later followed her out to see how she was coping, but Gabby just wanted to be by herself. She had managed to find a smallish corner in the ward with a chair and was comfortable enough there to just sit and rest her hands on her belly. It allowed her the time to just contemplate the world going by her and how it had nearly all been taken from her in an instant.

Yet, she still only hovered at the doorway when the house had been told it was time to leave. Truck 81 had been taken off the road and surprisingly Squad hadn't had a call in the many hours they had been here. It hadn't even occurred to Gabby that their shift had been long over...

"Gabby?" Matt's still scratchy voice called out to her.

Gabby shook her head trying to clear it of all thoughts before she went into his room fully. It was a slow walk over to Matt's bedside, slower even for her at this late stage. Matt had only been able to open his mouth up to ask how she was coping, before a knock interrupted them.

Maggie looked apologetically as she carefully wheeled in a small bed, closely followed by Dr Peterson, who was armed with a portable ultrasound machine.

"Gabby," Maggie patted the bed lightly. "Thought you might need this after everything that has happened," she wisely spoke. "And you'll never know who you'll run into in my ER." In all honesty, the charge nurse had made a phone call to Dr Peterson quite soon after Matt had been transferred upstairs, seeing the anguish that had been etched on Gabby's face.

Gabby gave a weak smile as she felt Matt's hand reach out from his own bed and giving it a squeeze. "Thanks Maggie."

"Everything okay in there?" Dr Peterson questioned as she fired up the machine. "Still feeling the normal amount of movement?"

"Little more than usual, I think," her voice still a little shaky.

"That's honestly to be expected," reassured Maggie. "There's been research to say that Baby may be able to sense the stress that you're feeling. And it's completely natural… It's all okay Gabby," she soothed from the base of the bed. It was getting a little crowded in the room; with two beds, an ultrasound machine and Maggie found that the best place was at the end.

"I'm just going to confirm baby's position, which is what I was going to do when you came in for your next appointment, so why not do it now? So checking the position and checking on the baby's size," Dr Peterson informed them as she started the scan.

"We can only see bits of her now," commented Matt, "Smudge really is running out of room." Gabby relaxed a little as little snippets of their baby came across the screen.

"And there's the heartbeat," Maggie commented as the loud fast sound came echoing through the room. Gabby had jumped slightly at the noise, it didn't matter how many times she heard it, it made her own heart race that little bit more.

"Heart rate is good. Right on 134 beats a minute… Everything looking good guys. The placenta is right where we want it and your fluid levels are fine. Honestly Gabby, I'm seeing everything that I want to be seeing."

"Look at that," Matt pointed out towards the screen where Smudge's face was clear as day. "That little mouth going and going."

Gabby smiled through some silent tears, "It looks like Smudge is smacking their lips. It's sweet."

"Pretty good looking baby," laughed along Maggie.

"And we're still head down," confirmed Dr Peterson, as she started with the numerous amount of measurements that she needed.

Gabby sighed in relief, "I was worried that Smudge might be still transverse," she confessed. Smudge had been head down a few times but then had come back out and been breech, not to mention sideways.

"Baby is right on track. I would estimate that he's 7lbs 4oz already, which is good," Dr Peterson confirmed, turning the machine off and wiping down Gabby's belly.

"You really don't know either way, do you?" laughed Maggie, amused on the constant changing of pronouns.

"It never does cease to amaze me how many parents those days who aren't finding out," laughed Dr Peterson as she started measuring Gabby's fundal height. "Few years ago it would have been the other way, nearly everyone wanted to know…. Right all looks good Gabby. Everything is right on track."

Gabby groaned slightly as she got up and off the bed, waving briefly as the two women maneuvered everything back out of the room.

"Here," Matt patted the bed, scooting over to the edge of the bed. "Smudge is going well… Everything is okay...Hey," Matt soothed as Gabby attempted to snuggle in the best she could. The tears started as soon as she landed on the bed. "It all okay now…" he continued, rubbing her back gently.

"Matt," she sobbed.

"I'm right here… Hey, look at me." His finger gently lifted her chin, his own heart breaking at the slightly tinged red eyes of his wife. "Gabby, I'm right here… It's all going to be okay."

Gabby nodded tearily as she lay her head back onto his shoulder, her hand coming up to rest on his chest feeling the steady beat of his heart, a reassuring reminder that he was here. All of going to be alright with their world.

~ Because he's running out of room in your uterus, he mostly stretches and wiggles, instead of delivering big kicks ~

There is was... Let me know what you think! ~Em