Chapter 17
Easter Break
This Easter break was the first term holiday I spent in Hogwarts. About four days in, Lacey and I ran out of ideas for things to do. Truthfully, if she forced me to play another round of wizard's chess with her brother by the Black Lake, I was going to go insane.
Unfortunately, I realized there weren't many things to do in the castle besides attend classes, eat meals, and study. I didn't play Quidditch and watching the Gryffindor practices didn't seem appropriate when Carter Robins was playing so that was automatically out of the list of potential things to do. There was no homework so I had no reason to loiter in the library so that was out too.
Upon this realization, I found myself seated on the grass with Lacey and Benjy Fenwick for the fifth day running. Lacey's brother was just as cheerful and bubbly as she was, with the added bonus of actually being rather funny. So admittedly, it wasn't all bad hanging around the pair of them. I was just disastrous at wizard's chess as I was at flying so after the third time that day I lost to either one of them, I announced I felt more comfortable watching them play against each other instead.
Fenwick was the only Hufflepuff seventh year boy who stayed in Hogwarts that break, which explained why he forced Lacey to keep him company most of the time. Lacey wasn't kidding when she said her parents would take any opportunity to keep them safe under Dumbledore's watch.
A morning howler to Fenwick the day after Dumbledore's announcement confirmed this. Mrs. Fenwick's shrieks echoed in the Great Hall as she shrilly scolded her son for asking if he could come home that break just because everyone else in his dormitory decided they would. Her threats of keeping him there for the summer were still clear in my mind and gave me the chills.
In result, he took most of Lacey's time to keep him company while his friends weren't around and I was stuck to tag along. The pair of them were deep into their third rematch, both with identical concentration on their faces. Fenwick laid on his stomach with his elbows propped. Across him, Lacey sat with her legs crossed and fingers laced together.
In between them, I sat on the grass, utterly bored as I watched, unaware who was most likely to win at this point because they were evenly matched. I wondered if this was their staple pastime at home because they were taking it way too seriously for a bloody game of chess. They barely even spoke unless giving directions to their pieces.
"Knight to E five. Check," Fenwick said monotonously.
The knight took Lacey's pawn and had a clear view of her king, but she was quick to move it away for her turn.
"You guys don't do this all day at home, do you?" I asked the question in my head aloud, seriously curious how often they played together.
"We do," Lacey confirmed shortly, eyes unmoving from the chessboard.
"That explains things," I muttered.
"Play the next game, Mon," Lacey said. "After I win this one."
Her brother snorted. "In your dreams, Fenwick."
"No, in your dreams, Fenwick," Lacey shot back.
I blinked at them both, baffled by their antics. I wondered briefly if this was how siblings usually bantered if they got along. The use of the same last name was even more confusing.
"Why do you insist people call you Fenwick?" I asked him, curious.
"Oh, I'm the second Benjy Fenwick," he replied easily as if he was asked the question a lot. "Named after my dad. Weird to be called by my dad's name so it stuck in first year."
"Can't I call you Benjy when Lacey's around?" I said. "You're both Fenwicks to me."
"No."
"Fine then," I said bitterly.
I turned my attention away from the siblings and observed the rest of the groups relaxing by the Black Lake. I caught sight of Sirius and his friends, feeling my heart tug when I looked at him. He was laughing gleefully with the boys under a nearby tree. He and James laid on their backs diagonally while Peter and Remus were seated against the tree trunk.
In Gryffindor, all four seventh year boys stayed behind. Other than playing chess with the two Fenwicks, I found myself in their company a lot more often too. I noticed with the free time they had during the break, they preferred to stick around the common room or by the lake, occasionally setting off childish pranks to unknowing passersby to ease their boredom.
They were a bit draining to be around to be honest. The introvert that I was could only take so much fast-paced quips and banter so a lot of the time I preferred the company of Lacey and her brother, who both hardly ever spoke in a game of chess.
I watched as a familiar redhead approached them and kicked James' hip lightly to get him to sit upright. Lily had her arms crossed and discussed something I couldn't hear from where I sat but James dutifully stood and followed her inside the castle, likely to take care of Heads business.
It caused a bit of stir within the student body when word got out that James and Lily were finally dating. They often ate meals together, did their Head duties in pairs, and came together with the seventh year Gryffindor group by the fireplace in the common room. It didn't feel much had changed with their fiery dynamic, except of course the holding hands and sweet cheek kisses I would sometimes get glimpses of.
They also seemed a lot more preoccupied during the break, keeping the castle in check now that everyone was here for Easter. I heard they even had to do rounds during the day, just to make sure no one was causing a ruckus now that we had no classes to keep us busy.
Lost in thought, I didn't realize I was staring blankly at the castle's open halls since following Lily and James walk in with my eyes. I didn't notice Sirius leaving his spot by the tree and approaching our group on the grass until he sat directly across me, the chess board in between us. I looked at him in surprise.
"Afternoon," he greeted smoothly.
"Hello," the Fenwick siblings replied unanimously, eyes still glued to their ongoing game.
"What brings you here?" I asked, heart slowly speeding up.
"Boredom, mostly," he admitted, eyes curiously darting between Lacey and Fenwick as they continued to play. "Is it just me or has this game of chess gone on for five days straight? Do you two sleep at all?"
"This is their third today," I said. "They've been at it since the break started."
"Monica's just bitter because she's on a ten-game losing streak," Lacey said. "Bishop to B three. Check."
"Ten games, Mon?" Sirius said mockingly. "Don't muggles have their own version of this?"
"I'm rubbish in either one," I said, irritated.
"That's unfortunate," he muttered, watching Fenwick make his next move. "So you're stuck spectating these two, eh?"
"Believe it or not, I actually miss going to class," I snorted. "There's really nothing much to do in the castle when we haven't got any."
"Think I can help fix that." His eyes glinted mischievously and he looked up to meet mine. "We've decided to take a little trip to Hogsmeade tonight. Care to join us?"
Fenwick tore his eyes away from the chess board so quickly that I barely even formulated a reply in my head yet.
"You're going to Hogsmeade!?" he practically shouted in eagerness.
"Just a bit louder, Fenwick. Don't think the merpeople heard," Sirius snapped. "Merlin…"
"Sorry," he whispered hastily but the excitement didn't leave his expression.
"Ha! Checkmate!" Lacey cheered and Fenwick turned his attention back to the board where his sister's queen knifed his poor king to tiny pieces.
"Bugger," Fenwick said bitterly, waving his wand lazily so the pieces repaired and placed themselves back to their original positions.
"How are you supposed to go to Hogsmeade?" I asked Sirius in disbelief. "Dumbledore said we weren't allowed to go outside grounds."
"It's like you don't know me at all," Sirius said, smirking. "Fenwick can tell you. We brought him along a couple of times. For a price, of course."
"I'm in," Fenwick immediately said, perking up at his name.
"Cool, Fenwick's in," Sirius said happily. "Other Fenwick?"
"Oh, sure!" Lacey exclaimed. "I'd love to get out of here for a while."
"So we're just going to ignore the serious warnings from our headmaster, is that it?" I said, uneasy.
"Come on, Mon," Sirius encouraged. "Live a little. We go to The Three Broomsticks' back room all the time for some fun. We've got a full proof plan in and out of there."
"Which is?" I inquired suspiciously.
"That's classified," he said. "We blindfold anyone who needs help to get smuggled in and out. But mostly people just request for things to get smuggled in because they're too scared to go themselves. We also stopped bringing people along when the war got worse."
"So you'll blindfold us if we come with you tonight?"
"Not necessary," Sirius replied easily. "Think I trust you and Lacey enough to keep your mouths shut and Fenwick…"
The aforementioned Hufflepuff stared pointedly at Sirius and I could have sworn I saw him shake his head a bit.
"Fenwick and I go way back," Sirius finished, smiling casually. "Anyway, Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas are coming too. Come on, Mon. You can't let me leave Hogwarts without showing off our greatest talent to you."
"Which is sneaking out to Hogsmeade?" I asked dryly.
"More like sneaking out of the most heavily protected castle in Great Britain," Sirius said, expression proud. "The place could be guarded by dementors and we'd still be able to get out and in."
"You're joking," I laughed incredulously before finally giving in, his pitch admittedly getting my interest. "Fine, I'll come with."
Sirius grinned. "Brilliant. Meet you in the common room at midnight."
"What about me?" Fenwick asked in alarm.
"At the portrait then," Sirius said as he got up on his feet and dusted grass off his trousers. "Don't be late."
With that, he walked off to his friends. I looked uneasily at Lacey but she and her brother excitedly prepared for another game of chess, unbothered by the plan at all. I sighed and continued to watch them, wondering what on earth was in store for me this time.
At midnight, Lacey and I snuck out of the dormitory as the rest of our roommates slept peacefully. We hurriedly walked down the staircase, feet light against the steps and when we reached the common room, all four seventh year boys were already lounging by the fireplace, chatting in whispers.
James saw us come in first, lighting up at the sight of us and eagerly waving us over. The other three turned to greet us in enthusiastic whispers as Lacey and I approached.
Sirius laid back handsomely on the couch, hair undone today so his cropped wavy bangs fell across his forehead. I noticed he recently got a haircut, back of his neck thoroughly exposed so it might have been difficult to push it back like his usual do. It was hard not to stare at him a second longer as I regarded him and his friends.
"So what's the plan?" Lacey asked as she took the empty spot next on Peter on the floor.
"We're just waiting for Lily and her friends," James said. "We know where the prefects are doing their rounds at this time so we're certain we won't get caught."
"Aren't they the coolest Heads ever?" Sirius cheered. "Didn't think Lily had it in her."
"Think I've influenced her badly this year," James chuckled. "Ever since the first time we snuck out with her, she's been dying to go back."
"You better not be talking about me," Lily said warningly as she appeared from the staircase with Marlene and Dorcas following behind her.
She stood next to James with her robes hanging over her arm.
"When am I not talking about you?" James asked jokingly.
"Please don't flirt in front of us. The rest of us are single, thanks," Marlene snapped, tone bitter as she took the empty space next to Sirius on the couch.
"You're a cow, Mar," Dorcas said, standing by the fireplace close to Lacey and I. "It's sweet."
"Alright, I think that's all of us," Sirius perked up after counting nine of us in the common room. "Shall we head out?"
The group dutifully followed Sirius and James' lead as we all readied our things and those who sat stood on their feet.
"We're definitely more this time," Dorcas commented as we made our way to the portrait.
"Yeah, Mon and Lacey are coming along," Sirius replied easily. "You've met."
"Hello," Lacey piped up cheerfully and Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas returned the greeting.
"Oh, and Fenwick's coming too," Sirius added as he slowly pushed the portrait open to keep the creaks to a minimum.
"Is he?" Lily said excitedly.
"Oh, Fenwick's great," Dorcas said in the same enthusiasm.
Lacey and I exchanged confused looks. While her brother was indeed a seventh year, neither of us knew he was actually quite close to the seventh year Gryffindors, much more the girls.
Before we could voice this out, we all stepped out of the common room one after the other and Fenwick was leaning against the wall, perking up at the sight of our group coming out. His blonde hair stuck out in awkward directions, not too different from the mess atop James' head, and his eyes looked a bit droopy as if he just woke up from a nap in the hallway.
"Took you long enough," Fenwick said. "I was this close to passing out on the floor."
"Are you sure you didn't?" Sirius snorted, ruffling Fenwick's hair. "Fix yourself, mate. We've got girls here."
"Hi, Fenwick!" Dorcas greeted excitedly and we all watched in amusement. Fenwick tried to flatten his hair with his hand and shyly returned Dorcas' greeting.
"Come on, follow us now," Sirius said hurriedly. "And try not to make noise, eh?"
All four Marauders led the way, Remus curiously holding up a large piece of parchment that was filled with ink. James looked over his shoulder at the parchment from time to time and they discussed in whispers. I tried to get a closer look but all I could really tell from where I stood was it looked like some sort of map.
I could have sworn I saw a few dots of ink moving but I shook it off as a hallucination from the grogginess of staying up too late. Though I wondered why they needed a map to navigate Hogwarts. Being here for seven years and if Sirius' claim of being an expert in sneaking out was true, I hardly believed they needed guidance on finding their way around the castle.
Lacey and I walked as a pair and next to us, Lily, Dorcas, and Marlene chatted in whispers with a frazzled looking Fenwick. It confused me how familiar they were with him when I hardly ever saw them interact before now, even during James' party when they mostly kept to their own group.
"Weird they're friends with Benjy, eh?" Lacey whispered to me, voicing my own thoughts. "Never thought they were particularly close."
"Me neither," I said. "They should have the same classes though. Maybe they bonded there."
I could tell Lacey was still too curious to drop the subject, often sneaking glances at the conversation between the seventh year girls and her brother. But we turned a corner and reached a large mirror. The boys immediately stopped and we halted behind them.
I checked around, recognizing the familiar hallway on the fourth floor. I've passed it frequently to go to the Charms classroom during my younger years but I never really paid much attention to the mirror. Yet, the Marauders grinned widely at the sight of it so it must have had some special qualities.
James pulled out his wand and whispered a spell I couldn't hear but it didn't seem to have worked because the mirror stayed in place, unmoving and reflecting the confused expressions on Lacey and I's faces.
"Was that supposed to do something?" Lacey asked.
But no one responded to her. Even Lily and her friends didn't look bothered. Suddenly, James slipped through the mirror and disappeared from the hall, making me catch my breath in surprise and I stared at the spot where he just stood, wide-eyed.
"What..." Lacey breathed in equal shock.
Next, Sirius slipped through and he disappeared in a second then Peter and Remus followed after. I turned to look at Lily who was ready to go next and she gave me and Lacey an encouraging smile.
"Just walk in like it's not there," she said calmly then stepped through the mirror and it consumed her then she was gone.
Marlene and Dorcas disappeared after her and a rattled Fenwick did the same, leaving me and Lacey last in the hall.
"How much free time do those boys have to discover something like this?" Lacey said incredulously then bravely stepping through the mirror and leaving me alone.
I gulped and mentally told myself to get it together. They were all probably waiting for me on the other side, Sirius likely making fun of how long I was taking at this point. After a few more seconds of hesitation, I closed my eyes and took one step through the mirror, bracing myself for the impact.
It never came. The feeling was strange, like a raw egg was cracked on top of my head and the cold sensation traveled down to my feet. I felt a wooden surface under my soles as I took the step through the mirror and I opened my eyes.
The room on the other side was large and the ceiling was high. It looked almost like a muggle cathedral with tall glass-stained windows on either side but the aisles and altar were missing. It was completely empty except for me and the nine students staring at me as I appeared.
"Took you long enough," Sirius laughed. "For a moment there, thought the spell wore out and you collided with a solid mirror."
"What is this place?" I asked in awe, head whirling around to scan the empty space.
"It's one of the secret passageways to Hogsmeade," James explained.
"You mean there's more?" Lacey said.
"That's classified information," Sirius replied smartly. "Now, come on. Follow us."
They led us through the room, all our footsteps combined bouncing in echoes all over the room that it almost made me cover my ears. Eventually, we reached a small opening on the other end which led to a steep staircase going down. The way down was pitch black and the seventh years immediately pulled out their wands to light them up.
Lacey and I had to tag along from behind to make sure we were following them with the light since I was still too scared to use magic outside castle grounds. I was turning seventeen in a couple of days still and I wasn't sure if the secret passageway we were taking was considered within the grounds. I wasn't taking any chances to get expelled. Lacey seemed to have the same thoughts because she kept her wand in her pocket too.
The staircase going down seemed to take about fifteen minutes on foot until we reached another dark and narrow alley. We walked about five minutes longer until we reached the end and James quickly conjured a wooden ladder to reach the ceiling. When he lifted his wand up, the light revealed a dusty trap door.
Sirius proceeded to go up first and he easily lifted the door up. I caught a glimpse of the night sky when he did and he quickly pushed himself out and held the door open. James kindly gestured for me to go first and I obliged, hurriedly going up the ladder and when I reached the top, Sirius held out a hand to pull me up.
Gripping his palm with mine, he pulled me out with ease and I stumbled a bit on my feet once I got out. He steadied my shoulders with his hands and I blinked up at him, vividly aware of how close he was and the gray in his eyes looked even brighter and catching than the silver moon.
"You alright?" he asked gruffly.
"Mhm, yeah," I said lamely.
I heard grunts from behind and Sirius immediately sprung to action to help Lacey out. I felt my breathing calm down and I mentally cursed myself at how easy it was to get a reaction out of me just by being in close vicinity with bloody Sirius Black.
I scanned my surroundings to get my head back in order and realized we arrived in one of the alleys in Hogsmeade. The trap door was well hidden from sight, quite far from the main street so no one could just stumble by it accidentally unless they had business in this random alley.
I could see the corner of Honeydukes from where I stood so that meant The Three Broomsticks wasn't too far from where we were. When I looked back at the group, everyone was out and dusting themselves off. Sirius was closing the trap door and once it was lowered, the wood camouflaged with the stone ground and I watched in awe as it transformed from an obvious door to something invisible to the eye of any passersby.
Again, only me and Lacey seemed to be surprised by this and we had to catch up to the seventh years who were already walking to the back of the alley, away from the direction towards the main street. We made a turn and stopped by a large door that was padlocked, but it was quickly unlocked by James after a silent wave of his wand. We eagerly entered one after the other.
We were greeted by a comfy, low-ceiling room, a similar vibe to the Gryffindor common room except much smaller and without the scarlet and gold. There was a large couch and a few armchairs by an unlit fireplace and a wooden coffee table in between. Against the wall was a cabinet that Sirius immediately rushed to and opened, revealing a large selection of whiskey and empty glasses.
"I hate the travel going here," Lily moaned as she collapsed on one of the armchairs and James sat on the armrest next to her.
"Is no one as surprised as I am?" Lacey said incredulously as she stood in the middle of the room, gaping at everything in awe.
"It's my first time too, Lace," I reminded her, hesitantly sitting on the edge of the large couch.
Marlene, Dorcas, and Fenwick found their spots on the floor closest to the fireplace, Peter took the last empty armchair, and Remus sat on the other end of the couch.
"We've gone here a couple of times," Dorcas said to me, eyes glinting at the memories. "Isn't this place amazing?"
"It's… comfy, I suppose," I said, scanning the room.
"Wait 'til you get a few drinks in you, Monica," Marlene said. "You'll want to come back next weekend. Tried and tested."
"Last time, Mar vomited all over this table and it cleaned itself," Lily explained.
"Anywhere that's magic proof to get pissed is practically heaven, Lil," Marlene said defensively before irately gesturing to the still unlit fireplace. "Anyone going to light this up or what?"
"You're seventeen, Marlene. I'm sure you can cast incendio by yourself," Sirius said snarkily as he returned with a tray of glasses and a bottle of firewhisky.
"Here, let me," Fenwick said and pointed his wand at the fireplace. It was consumed by fire in a second and the firewood cracked in sparks happily.
"Thanks, Fenwick," Marlene said, pointedly looking at Sirius who was distributing the glasses. "Good you were invited to come. An actual gentleman added to this group spikes up the value of this trip."
"Did I not just pull you all out of that trap door with my bare hands?" Sirius rolled his eyes and settled on the seat right next to me, Lacey moving closer to Remus to give him space and I could have sworn she shot me a knowing look.
"Now, children, let's not fight," James said humorously. I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing because he actually did look like the dad of the group, sitting next to Lily as he gestured his palms to calm everyone down. Next to him, Lily had her arms crossed and looked disapproving, filling the obvious role of the mother.
"Yeah, Mar, stop being a cow for a second and vomit your brains out again please," Dorcas cackled.
"Marlene doesn't like whiskey though," Peter commented.
"But whiskey's all there is," Marlene moaned, pouring her own glass and downing it straight afterwards.
"Stressful week?" Remus asked in amusement.
"Not likely," Lily snorted. "It's Easter break, Mar."
"Exactly why we're supposed to get shit-faced!" Marlene exclaimed. "Are you lot waiting for Christmas? Come on, drink up!"
Sirius laughed and proceeded to charm the bottle to fill everyone's glasses.
"Marlene loves to drink," Sirius said to me. "She's the instigator of anything that has to do with drinking. I don't suggest you accept any of her dares."
Marlene denied this indignantly while Sirius offered me a full glass which I accepted. I took a few initial sips and I recognized the taste immediately. It was the same bottle they served during the party at James' and my brain inconveniently served unwanted memories between me and Sirius, before I even admitted to myself I actually fancied him a bit. It was a much simpler time then.
"We've got to play a game," Dorcas suggested eagerly.
"Why have we got to?" James asked.
"Because we have new additions!" she said, gesturing to me, Lacey, and Fenwick. "We've got to show them some fun. None of that depressing rubbish where we just drink until we're sobbing for no reason at all."
"I didn't cry that last time," Sirius said.
"Because you've got no feelings, arsehole," Marlene snapped.
"Or he just has nothing to cry about," James said.
"Hence, no feelings," Dorcas said. "Now, come on. Let's do truth or drink."
The boys groaned as Marlene and Lily cheered. Lacey and I exchanged wary looks.
"No way," Remus said, shaking his head vigorously.
"Yeah, I think we've avoided this long enough and we can continue to avoid it, thanks," Sirius agreed wholeheartedly.
"Truth or drink blows," Fenwick added. "My friends and I played it and it was no fun. We already knew everything about each other."
"But we don't!" Dorcas tried to reason out. "Come on, it's totally fitting. Monica and Lacey are new and we've never played it between us before either."
"So anyone can ask a question and if they can't answer, they drink?" Lacey asked.
"Simple as that," Dorcas said. "We all in?"
"Sounds fun to me," Lily said supportively. "But all questions have got to be hard. Think about it. If the bottle points to Marlene, Dorcas, or me, you get to ask us anything too."
"I'm in," James immediately said with his hand raised.
Lily elbowed the side of his stomach and he doubled over in pain.
"You can't ask me anything."
"What—That is so unfair!"
"Perfect, let's begin!"
Dorcas excitedly reached for the empty bottle of Firewhiskey and placed it in the middle of the coffee table. My feelings weren't exactly positive with the game but I couldn't think of anything particularly nasty they could ask me since I barely experienced anything in my life that was too inappropriate to share. I was confident to leave absolutely sober afterwards.
"Come on, Fenwick," Dorcas nudged the Hufflepuff's arm. "You're hosting."
"Alright, fine," he sighed in defeat and flicked his wand at the bottle.
It spun for a few seconds before slowly coming to a stop to point at Lacey. The entire group cheered for the first victim and Lacey buried her head in her hands in embarrassment.
"Lacey's first then," Fenwick announced, looking amused. "I'm begging you not to ask anything that would make me want to vomit my dinner. That's my sister, eh?"
"No way, she's new!" Marlene protested. "Can't go easy on her."
"Okay, Lacey," Dorcas said slowly. "Since I initiated the game, I'll ask first. It's not a difficult question."
"Go, Dorcas," Lily laughed, eyes eagerly looking from her to Lacey.
I leaned forward in anticipation.
"If you had to snog any of the seventh years in Hogwarts, who would it be?" Dorcas asked.
"Bloody hell," Sirius chuckled then downed his drink. The rest of the room laughed in their seats while I raised my eyebrows expectantly at Lacey.
"Why the seventh years specifically?" Lacey asked, uncomfortably looking around the room.
"Because we know them," Dorcas answered easily. "If not the seventh years, you could just say some random name and we won't be able to keep up. Come on, it doesn't even have to be someone in the room."
"Please don't say any of my friends," Fenwick begged.
"Your friends are creeps, Fenwick. They're probably at the bottom of her list," James teased.
Then silently, Lacey drank the whiskey in one go and the room bursted into collective laughter again. Shaking my head with a grin on my face, I knew it had to be Remus. Even if she said she didn't like him that way anymore, I knew she was into him physically at some point so there was no other option for her.
"It's totally someone in the room!" Marlene guffawed.
"Or one of Fenwick's friends," Peter said.
"Oi!" Fenwick snapped.
"Alright, respect the decision, people," Dorcas said, waving at everyone to calm down. "Next up, Fenwick."
Fenwick flicked his wand and the bottle spun again. We all eagerly watched it slow to a stop to point at Lily and the boys clapped hands happily at their luck. The redhead rolled her eyes with a large grin on her face and raised her eyebrows at Sirius, who seemed to be ready with a question.
"Prongs, this is for your own good," Sirius began, pulling out his wand. "I'll be casting a temporary deafening charm on you before I ask the question."
"What?!" James exclaimed.
But Sirius already flicked his wand and James' hands pathetically slapped at his ears, head whirling around the room in panic as his hearing must have temporarily stopped.
"Okay, let's do this quickly," Sirius said, turning to Lily. "I know that you two haven't officially been together for long, but at this point, how long do you think you'll last?"
The entire room was silent, staring at Lily with wide eyes. James stopped his comical flailing and watched the scene unfold before him instead.
"You're really his best friend, huh?" Lily chuckled but didn't back down. "For the rest of my life, Sirius. I've never been more confident in anything else."
I couldn't help but let out a sigh of awe together with Marlene, Dorcas, and Lacey. Sirius nodded in satisfaction and waved his wand again. James blinked in surprise at the return of his hearing then flipped his middle finger up at his best friend.
"What did you ask her?" James whined.
"Sorry, Prongs, it's classified," Sirius grinned then winked at Lily who laughed and pulled James back down to sit, gripping his arm affectionately.
"That took a turn," Fenwick said lightly before charming the bottle to spin again.
This time it landed on me. Having been quiet in place except when joining the laughter with the group, I hadn't planned my reaction when it eventually landed on me. So I stared blankly at the bottle, ears waiting to hear the question.
"You've been awfully quiet, Monica," Marlene said.
"She talks more when she's with me," Sirius joked but I felt the blood rush up to my cheeks.
"I'll think of a question since we don't know much about you yet," Marlene continued. "You're quite pretty so I'm sure you've had guys confess to you. Who was the last person you rejected?"
She was definitely right that she didn't know me at all because if she did, she'd know I didn't have many people confess to me. It was just rather timely of her that the only instance it happened was the situation with Carter Robins that I wasn't ready to share about yet.
Sirius looked at me knowingly and of course, he knew. He didn't look surprised either when I downed my drink and poured myself another. The group cheered but didn't push the question.
As the game went on, I realized how difficult it was to actually answer their questions, since they mostly had to do with embarrassing moments or dating, two things I was immensely unwilling to share about.
Through a couple more rounds, I became victim three more times and all three were questions I couldn't bring myself to answer at all.
"What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever been caught doing?"
I drank.
"Rate the sixth year Gryffindor boys from most attractive to least attractive."
I drank.
"Ever fancied a friend?"
I would've been willing to drink three glasses straight not to answer that question.
Thankfully, the group didn't seem bothered that I refused to answer any questions because they hardly ever answered the questions themselves, opting to drink more often than not. As the night went on, the questions were getting harder and more personal that two hours in, we were all saying nonsense and having difficulty sitting upright.
It was my first time to drink so much whiskey so quickly and I found myself getting louder and more confident after each spin of the bottle, even having the courage to ask Lacey a question when it settled on her again.
"Who was the most inappropriate person you've fantasized being with?"
"Bloody hell, Monica!" Lacey cackled, slurring over her words and the rest of the room doubled over in guffaws at the expectation that she would drink again.
"Lacey, you've got to answer this one because we're not levitating you back to the castle if you bloody pass out," James said between laughs.
"You've got to be kidding me," she moaned, leaning her head back on the couch and closing her eyes for a moment.
"Wake her up!" Marlene shouted.
"I'm awake!" Lacey said loudly then lifted her head up and sighed. She eyed everyone warningly before continuing. "Okay, so no one is allowed to hate me."
"Lacey, you can say it was Dumbledore, we won't judge," Sirius said.
Peter, who was mid-sip, snorted hard at Sirius' words that whiskey shot out of his nostrils. We were all clutching our sides in uncontrollable laughter at the scene, Dorcas and Fenwick practically shaking on their backs on the floor.
"It's not…" Lacey began in between giggles. "It's not Dumbledore. Merlin's pants. Wait, I have to explain first. Monica, I will hate you forever for this."
"Come on, just spit it out," I said.
"I was in third year, okay?" Lacey said desperately. "And this was like a super shallow crush because I had this thing for moody, mysterious types, you know? I mean, we all have that phase, right?"
"Go on," Lily encouraged.
"And this was all before the war grew and Death Eaters became a thing."
"Merlin, it's a Slytherin," Marlene said, shocked.
"Er…" Lacey shot an apologetic look at Sirius before continuing. "It was Regulus Black."
I was pretty sure the outburst of the group at her confession could have woken up the entirety of Hogsmeade if Sirius hadn't casted a silencing charm in the room. I could hardly control myself in reacting, gripping the ends of my hair as I yelled all the variations of the word what.
"It was for one bloody week!" Lacey tried to explain over our voices.
Once we all calmed down, we didn't bother pestering her for more information since it was against the rules. Since she successfully answered the question, Fenwick moved on to the next victim and spun the bottle. It slowed to a stop on Sirius who had answered all his questions before, so arguably, he was the most sober among all of us, despite drinking on his own in between turns.
"Think of a hard question so we can get him to down the bloody drink," Lily urged Dorcas.
"Okay, I got one," Dorcas slurred, pointing a lazy finger at Sirius. "You can't escape this one, Sirius Black. You'll be downing your drink in two seconds after this."
"Hit me," Sirius said, eyebrows raised.
"Who would you rather date: Monica or Lacey?"
I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach and my alcohol-infested brain ran on overdrive. I wasn't sure if the panic was noticeable in my expression but I felt too numb to know exactly what my face looked like.
"Easy question," Sirius said smoothly. "Lacey."
The room went silent except for a short "Hm?" from Lacey who didn't seem to understand what the question was in her state. I felt their eyes on me but I was fairly sure my face was completely devoid of emotion because my soul practically left my body at that point.
"I mean, you know I don't date anymore," Sirius explained hurriedly when he met the silence and stares. "Monica's a good friend. I wouldn't want to hurt her by dating her. No offense, Lacey."
"Hm?" Lacey perked up again at her name but still obviously unable to listen and comprehend anything anymore.
I didn't know if the alcohol heightened my emotions but I felt a lump in my throat and I blinked rapidly. Marlene and Dorcas seemed to accept the explanation and looked away but I thought I saw Lily give me a sad look.
I also heard Fenwick end the game there because he couldn't hold his wand properly anymore and I wasn't sure if anyone noticed me slip out in their sudden hustle to clean up, except for Lacey and Peter who were curled up and snoring.
When I exited, the cool breeze of the night nipped at my exposed skin but I didn't feel bothered. I went back to the alley where we came from and walked straight to the main street of Hogsmeade. Even if I felt like tears were about to come when I was inside the room, none actually fell when I went outside, feeling more free and my emotions calming down.
I found an empty wooden bench in front of The Three Broomsticks and sat myself down, hugging my knees to my chest as I stared up at the stars. I supposed with the explanation afterwards, Sirius' decision made sense, but I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did, hearing it directly from him.
I sort of figured he wasn't interested in dating ever since Mary and because of his ambitions. I constantly reminded myself that I didn't have a chance with him at all and it would be best to nip the feelings in the bud or just wait for them to go away. But under the damn influence of alcohol, it was even more difficult for me to push away the feelings and keep my emotions in check. Deep down, I knew how I felt about him was stronger than I could ever admit to myself sober, and it felt absolutely rubbish.
My head drooped down to rest on my knees as I tried to get myself to snap out of it then I felt someone else's presence next to me, sitting on the bench. I looked up groggily and I blinked twice when my brain dumbly registered Sirius, with a strange uncertainty on his face as he looked in front of him, palms flat on his lap.
"I probably should've just downed the bloody whiskey, huh?" he said, chuckling emptily.
I felt my emotions surge again but did my best to keep them at bay. The rational side of my brain was utterly consumed by the amount of alcohol I took by avoiding all the questions thrown at me earlier. I already regretted it.
"You really prefer to date Lacey over me?" I asked him, whiskey driving me to say things I never would have said.
"Come on, Mon," he sighed. "I explained, didn't I? You're my friend. Like an actual close friend. I can't do that with you. I mean… Merlin, why do I even need to explain this to you?" He laughed incredulously.
"I just want to know," I said, voice hard.
"Monica." He turned to look at me, eyebrows slightly furrowed and his eyes a bit guarded. "You're drunk. If you were sober, you would've understood after I said it earlier."
"I am drunk and I don't understand," I said stubbornly, looking away.
He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"Monica, I can't date," he said. "You know I can't! I'm absolutely crap at relationships! I only said Lacey because I care about you. Not that I don't care about her but given the options, of course I wouldn't say you. It wouldn't even cross my mind to hurt you even if it were a dumb hypothetical question from a drinking game! Merlin…"
It clearly pained him to explain further because I realized that's really all I could be to him: one of his good friends. So even if his intentions were good, it still hurt that he would never feel the same way about me.
"Your emotions are just all over the place because you're drunk, Mon," Sirius said. "Come on, let's get back inside and when you wake up tomorrow, we're going to laugh about how stupid this fight was."
"It's not stupid," I snapped.
"Why not?" he demanded, looking confused out of his mind.
"Because."
"You're gonna have to be more specific than that," he said, words dripping sarcasm.
"Because I fancy you, that's why!"
Sirius gaped at me, blinking slowly as he registered as my confession. I breathed in and out at a steady pace but my chest was bursting in massive thuds. I almost felt relieved to have gotten it out but at the same time utterly stupid because I ruined the only good thing we had between us.
The friendship was probably dead at this point and I expected the next day once I was in the right mind, I would regret every bit of it. But at the moment, I waited for his response. I needed to get his reaction.
"W-What?" he stuttered.
I merely stared back, unwilling to repeat myself.
"Monica…" he began, fist gripping his hair. "You don't…"
I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did, probably because I never actually felt so deeply for anyone in my entire life. Carter was always just a dream, someone who was unattainable so my feelings never ran deep. But with Sirius, I was always myself around him and I felt utterly ridiculous believing it could have been different, even if I tried to convince myself that it could never happen.
Seeing the pained expression on his face, it reminded me why I never allowed myself to open up to people in the first place. Safe to say, I never felt shittier in my life.
"Monica, don't fancy me," Sirius spoke again, eyes filled with grief. "I mean it."
I stared back, feeling my heart rip itself into tiny pieces. I urged myself not to cry, but the lump in my throat grew and my vision blurred as the tears came.
"Mon, are you out here?" I heard Lacey's slurred speech call from the alley.
Taking advantage of the diversion, I quickly rubbed the back of my hand across my damp cheeks and got up to leave. Walking briskly back to the alley, Sirius didn't say anything to stop me and I dreaded how different things could be from then on.
A/N - Hahaha... Some backstory on me writing this chapter, I finished it in one night and slept at 4am because I was so invested in the build up lol. Now your thoughts on this chapter would be super appreciated because it's probably my favorite one so far. Hope you enjoyed! :)