I don't own the Flash or any of its characters.

Trigger warning: Mentions suicidal thoughts and feelings as well as anxiety, panic attacks eating problems, self-harm and injuries as well as flashbacks so if any of this is going to trigger you, please do not read.

A/N: This is chapter 20, which is just insane, this by far is my longest story ever! We are really close to the end now folks, so if you have stuck around this long you are awesome. This chapter is slightly lighter than the last as we are nearing the end, please let me know if you liked it, sorry for any mistakes and please enjoy :)

Cisco woke up the next morning feeling slightly better than he had done the day before. They were in no rush to get to Starlabs that morning. They still faced the threat of Savitar, but after catching that meta the previous day, they all decided they deserved a good rest, to give their brains a chance to relax and be ready for the next challenges they faced. As a result of this, Caitlin had turned off her alarm and was still sleeping peacefully beside the scientist, he looked at her relaxed features and decided against waking her, but he really had to go to the bathroom, he slipped out of bed as quietly as he could and made his way across the room, avoiding the squeaky floorboard. However, Cait was an extremely light sleeper, and she woke at the soft sound of feet making its way across the floor, "Cisco?" she mumbled out sleepily, not even opening her eyes,

"I'm just going to the bathroom Cait, go back to sleep," he told her,

"Do you need me to come with you?" she asked, still not opening her eyes, Cisco's heart leaped, even in her tired state Caitlin still cared and thought about him, it was an incredible feeling to have someone care about you so much, he was forever grateful to his best friend,

"No, I'll be fine," he said quietly, not wanting to disturb her too much,

"Five minutes," she told him. Cisco nodded even though she wasn't looking at him, same rules as yesterday, he couldn't be trusted to be alone for more than five minutes, he hated that, but he knew he was the one who put himself in that position. On the other side of it though, it also made him feel safe, he didn't really have any opportunity to harm himself in anyway because Caitlin was always there with him. They had decided not to move his next therapy appointment, as it was only in a couple of days and until he had spoken with his therapist, Caitlin was going to be keeping a close eye on him. He quickly hurried out of the bedroom and into to the bathroom. He used the facilities and then made his way back into the bedroom where Caitlin had fallen back asleep, though he could see an alarm on her phone that was going to go off in two more minutes, so she could make sure that the scientist had returned. Cisco smiled softly at that and got back into bed, curling up under her arm, before reaching to switch off her alarm, so she wasn't rudely awakened, he shook her gently,

"I'm back Cait," he whispered when she stirred again,

"That's good, are you alright?" she mumbled,

"Yeah," he responded just as softly as she had spoken,

"That's good," she said again and tightened the arm she had around Cisco, before falling back asleep. Cisco felt bad about how tired she was, even though he knew work played a big role in her exhaustion, having to help him and deal with all of his problems must have been taxing on her. He shook it off, she had told him many times that she wanted to help him and that if she didn't, he wouldn't be here, with her right now, and he believed her, she was safe and trustworthy. He looked at her face once more, taking in her peaceful, relaxed features and smiling to himself, before he tucked his head into her chest, and listened to the sound of her heartbeat to drift of to sleep again himself. Both taking the rare opportunity to sleep in.

They arrived at Starlabs at around two that afternoon, they only intended to spend approximately three hours there, doing some work, before heading back to Caitlin's place. Wells was the only one there, he was pretty much always there considering that were he stayed when on earth one. They said hello to him before moving to work in Cisco's lab. Caitlin only had work to do on her laptop, so she told Cisco that she would be cool with them working in his lab today. Cisco quickly agreed, considering he wanted to work on another one of his gadgets and it would be easier to work on it in his lab, where all of his tools and materials were, and not bring everything back and forth from his lab to Caitlin's. The doctor set herself up on a small empty desk at the back of his lab and got to work, while Cisco busied himself with his own work. A couple of hours into working Cisco began to zone out a little. This wasn't uncommon, with his headaches from his vibes and being a genius when it came to his work, he sometimes just worked on autopilot, that's why when he was using one of his screwdrivers to put in a screw, he slipped. The tool just scraped his other hand, but it was hard enough to cut him. It wasn't a particularly deep cut, it was only superficial and the amount of blood coming from it was not enough to cause concern, but it did trigger something in him. At first his mind flashed back to what he had done to himself a couple of days ago and he felt panic and stress, but then his mind went to the relief he felt when he hurt himself and the small amount of throbbing pain he felt in his hand, made him want to do it again. He spun around to look like Caitlin, her back was to him and she was typing away on her computer. Click, click, click. He felt himself begin to space out again and he quickly shook it off and moved over to her, bumping the chair with his hip, so she spun around in her seat and then he sat basically in her lap. "Oof," she said, as he landed on top of her, she was about to laugh at his actions when she saw the concern and thoughtful look on his face, "Everything okay?" she asked him, peering her head around his shoulder so she could get a better look at him. Cisco shrugged before bringing up his hand to show her the small cut that was on it, she looked at it confused for a moment, "Where did you get that hon?" she asked him,

"I slipped with my screwdriver," he told her quietly, staring at the cut intensely,

"That's okay sweetheart, accidents happen, it isn't a bad cut we can just clean it and stick a plaster on it." She said softly, not quite understanding Cisco's reaction. He nodded at her answer but didn't look up from the cut or move to get off her. "Cisco?" she questioned gently, beginning to get a bit worried now,

"It made me think of my other cuts," he told her, indicating to his arm where the wounds were still visible, "It makes me want to do it again," he enlightened her. Suddenly filled with a sense of understanding Caitlin nodded,

"I know it must be hard honey, but you did so good coming and telling me, now we can do something about that feeling," she told him, he looked at her curiously and she nudged him to get off her lap. He did so and let her take his hand and lead him out of his lab and to the little kitchen in Starlabs. Caitlin pulled out an ice cube tray and popped out a couple cubes and handed them to him, "Hold these for a minute," she instructed. He did so and when the minute was up, he handed the ice back, he felt better but the urge was still there, he told Caitlin and she handed the ice back to him for another minute. It took about ten minutes of Cisco holding the ice to feel better and more in control. When he did Caitlin handed him a rubber band and told him to snap it against his wrist if the feeling returned and then she helped him clean the little cut which had stopped bleeding a while ago, but she still put a plaster on it, so he didn't have to look at it and be triggered.

"I'm so proud of you hon," Caitlin told Cisco when they were back at her apartment that evening, Cisco looked at her, with an expression of confusion, "You came and told me, when you wanted to hurt yourself today, that is such a huge step," she told him, "You should be proud of yourself." Cisco shrugged, blushing a little,

"It doesn't feel like much," he admitted,

"This is the progress you were talking about the other day; this is recovery, it may not feel like much as the person in it, but I promise you it is," she told him sincerely. Cisco couldn't help but believe her and nodded, cuddling up into her side,

"Progress."