Chapter 19
The End of an Era
The Gryffindor common room was in uproar when I entered. James was in the center of it, students of all years patting him roughly on the back with the biggest grins on their faces. I felt myself smile with them as I watched Sirius approach his best friend and embrace his shoulders in a masculine hug.
With my recent development with Sirius, the loneliness didn't seem as prominent anymore and I was much more hopeful towards the remaining few weeks of sixth year at Hogwarts. The high from the Quidditch Cup win, rekindling things with Sirius, and finally being able to head home for the summer, I didn't think anything could ruin my spirits.
I felt a presence next to me and I turned to see Lacey, arms crossed with a small smile on her face as she watched the rowdy scene with me.
"Hey," I said. Lacey glanced at me and her smile faltered a bit. "When did you get here?"
"Right after the match," she replied. "Saw you and Sirius come in after each other. You guys friends again?"
I pursed my lips, typical of me to speak too soon about things destroying my good mood. Guilt flooded my body when I realized how totally out of the loop she was about my situation with Sirius. Even Lily found out before her.
"We're alright," I said lamely. Lacey narrowed her eyes at me.
"Since when have we kept things from each other for this long?" she asked, looking hurt.
"Lace," I sighed. "You were so invested in your brother that I thought I'd save you the trouble of my own personal drama."
Her shoulders sagged. She nudged my arm softly and shot me a pointed look.
"Mon, I always want to know what's bothering you," she said, eyes sincere. "I'm your best friend."
I let out another sigh and slipped my arm through hers. I showed her a tight, apologetic smile and she rolled her eyes playfully.
"You're not getting off that easily," she chuckled but didn't unlink my arm. "So what was up with you and Sirius for the past month? I tried to get it out of you but you're right. I was too invested in Benjy to really probe."
I wanted to ask what motivated her insistence now, but I decided it was appropriate to tell her the truth instead of irritating her with more questions to subtly change the subject. At least knowing Sirius and I could still be friends after what happened, I didn't feel as uncomfortable talking about it out loud.
I slowly turned to look at her, but my eyes scanned our surroundings to make sure no one was near enough to hear me speak. Lacey raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for my response. When I was satisfied with the privacy we had in our spot, I leaned forward.
"Remember when we went to Hogsmeade and you got hammered?" I said, voice low.
"How could I forget?" she said bitterly with a snort. "I mean, I forgot everything that happened that night so how could I forget I got so pissed that I can't remember shit?"
"Lace, I told Sirius I fancied him that night," I admitted.
"Bloody—!" she exclaimed but I quickly shoved my palm over her mouth before she could yell and get everyone's attention in the common room. I started to regret telling her in such a public area, but Becca and Polly were probably in the dormitory and I'd rather have some random first year hear my personal problems than those two bints.
"Please don't freak out too loud," I pleaded before releasing her. Lacey mimicked zipping her lips with her fingers and nodded to get me to continue.
"That's why we haven't been speaking recently," I continued. "But after the match earlier, he pulled me aside to talk about it and he rejected me again."
"So you're saying he already rejected you in Hogsmeade when you confessed?" Lacey whispered frantically.
"He told me not to fancy him so that's pretty much a rejection," I said, grimacing at the memory. "But we talked earlier and he kept saying the same thing. Then-—"
"Then he kissed you?!" she practically screeched and I shot her another glare which made her purse her lips to keep herself quiet.
"No!" I whispered frantically. "Then I told him it was just a crush and it wasn't a big deal. And now we're friends again. Simple as that."
True to her word to keep her mouth shut, she placed a palm over her lips, closed her eyes, and let out a muffled scream. I watched her, unamused, until she lifted her face up, eyes bulging and mouth agape.
"That's it?" she snapped. "He didn't say anything else?"
"No," I confirmed. "We talked about it and we're friends. That's it."
"But if you think about it, Mon, he hasn't actually rejected you," she reasoned out. "If he just tells you not to fancy him, that's not really a no, right?"
"Lacey, please don't do this," I groaned. "I'm pretty sure if someone tells you not to fancy them, it's because they don't feel the same way."
"Or he just doesn't want you to fancy him back," Lacey pointed out with determination. "Hasn't he got issues? I've never seen him with a girl other than Mary and you know how that turned out."
"Lacey, he doesn't fancy me," I said with finality in my tone. "He's got enough in his mind and I just have to learn to get over him. It's just a stupid crush. It can't be that complicated."
"Sirius is a whole new level of complicated, Mon. You know him better than most people!"
"Which is exactly why I know this isn't going to happen," I insisted. "We're much better as friends and frankly I'm lucky enough to keep him that way. He was well set to ignore me until I decided he was too much of an arsehole to fancy."
She gaped at me for a few seconds and readied myself for more nagging, but surprisingly she sighed and looked away. Her eyes were clouded with what looked like disappointment but I didn't know if it was because Sirius and I didn't end up the way she expected or because of the way I handled it all. My mind was geared to refuse any sort of hope she was likely to give me by assuring me that I still had a chance to turn it around.
"Fine," she breathed, surprising me a bit by how quickly she dropped the subject. "If that's what you want, Mon."
"It is," I said immediately, feeling a bit suspicious by her sudden change in tone.
Lacey nodded stiffly. "Brilliant."
"Okay, I know you've got more to say than that," I pushed, side-eyeing her cautiously.
"But I won't," Lacey said, looking at the ceiling in a clear attempt to avoid eye contact.
I furrowed my eyebrows. "You're acting really weird, you know? And why are you probing me now? I'm assuming Benjy's still joining the Order since you haven't told me otherwise so it's either you're hiding something or you really couldn't stand me keeping secrets any longer."
"Bit of both," Lacey admitted with a nonchalant shrug.
"Lacey," I said warningly. "What do you know?"
"Nothing about Sirius if that's what you're wishing for."
"I was not wishing for—"
"I received your letter when I got to the dormitory after the match," she cut me off with a strange glint in her eye. "When I read it, I realized we haven't really hung out much. Thought we could do a bit of catching up before I break the news."
"You read my letters?" I said incredulously, glaring daggers at her.
"One letter," she said calmly, unfazed by my anger as she pulled out an opened envelope from the inside pocket of her robes. I glimpsed a broken red seal but I couldn't make out the logo. She handed it to me and I shakily received it from her, confused.
"What's this?" I asked.
"That came for you from the Daily Prophet," she answered, the corners of her lips turning up and looking rather proud.
"And you opened it without me?" I hissed.
"It wasn't a personal letter!" she said defensively. "Anyway, you got the internship, Mon! All the details are there."
My heart dropped to my stomach while a grin grew on her face. I eagerly read through the acceptance letter which briefly congratulated me on getting into the program and it delved more into the details of my first day and their new address in London since relocating from Diagon Alley. The job scope mentioned helping out with various parts of the paper and I could tag along in field reporting work during the stint. I felt the excitement grow within me and the thought of Sirius actually left my mind for that moment.
"Merlin…" I breathed, eyes skimming through the parchment for the third time. "I got in. Lacey, it's paid too, do you see that?"
"I've read it already so yes," she said, not ashamed in the slightest. "I knew you were going to get it so I wanted to be the first to know and congratulate you. I mean, I'm not sure how keen you are for a career in journalism but it's still pretty cool. Imagine the stories you could be reporting on during the summer?"
"You don't think there'll be a lot of war stuff, do you?" I asked in uncertainty.
"I'm sure there will be but a little exposure won't hurt, would it?" she said offhandedly. "It's not like they'll put interns in danger."
"That's fair," I agreed. "And they've relocated to muggle London so that should be safe, right? Bloody hell, I have to tell my parents. I completely forgot I even applied so I haven't been able to tell them yet."
"Go and write to them," Lacey encouraged. "They'll be proud! At least you've got something to do over the summer. You can practice your practical magic on the job too. Once we get our apparition licenses, we can go anywhere!"
"Brilliant," I said, grinning at her. "Oh, Lace, I'm actually so excited. Do you think I could find out what I want to do after Hogwarts during this internship?"
"Either that or you could find out journalism is definitely out of the list so it's a win-win situation still."
I laughed lightly and in my giddiness, I enveloped her into a tight hug and she eagerly squeezed me back. I briefly wondered how I could update Sirius on this given our current situation but I decided that could be said at another time. He was the initial propagator of my application and it felt strange not being able to share the news with him.
"That cheered you up, didn't it?" Lacey chuckled when I released her. "You could actually do something really good this summer. Productive and all!"
"I know," I breathed, staring down at the letter again. Then I realized what she said and frowned. "Wait, cheered me up? Lacey, I said I'm fine!"
"Get your mind off Sirius for a second, eh?" Lacey said, lightly pressing my arm without acknowledging my words. "Don't stress yourself out."
"You're bloody lucky I'm too in a good mood to slap you right now," I muttered.
"Are you going to tell him?" Lacey asked, eyebrows raised.
"Who, Sirius?" I said blankly.
"No, Professor Slughorn." She rolled her eyes.
I grimaced, unamused by her sarcasm.
"Maybe. I dunno. When I see him again, I guess."
"He's right there." Lacey nudged her head towards Sirius who was chatting enthusiastically with James by the fireplace, no doubt planning the massive celebration party for the win.
"You know what? I think I'll celebrate on my own first. In the dormitory. Under my sheets," I said, voice uncharacteristically high-pitched.
"Right," Lacey drawled. "Sounds like a perfectly normal friendship."
"I said I still had to get over him, didn't I?" I said snippily. "Come on, let's go upstairs."
I marched towards the staircase and I heard Lacey pick up her pace behind me to catch up.
The good mood from the Daily Prophet's acceptance stayed with me throughout the rest of the day. Lacey and I spent some much needed time together, even begrudgingly agreeing to play a game of chess with her in the dormitory. She told me about her morning with her brother which still didn't yield the results she wanted, but she was starting to talk about his plans a bit more open-mindedly. It seemed instead of convincing Fenwick not to push through, he was able to show Lacey that it wasn't all that bad since he would still live with her and promised to keep himself safe at all times.
Talking about Lacey's dilemma with her brother and the giddiness from getting an internship seemed to effectively keep my mind away from Sirius. I felt a lot more at peace now that Lacey knew what happened, and we went into the same routine as best friends, talking about it but trying to keep me in check to make sure I wasn't overthinking. I did the same for her, trying to offer the most useful advice about Fenwick just to cheer her up. It was liberating to be able to talk about our problems both ways again.
On the same day of the Quidditch match, the Marauders eagerly planned a bash that night and it was the only thing everyone else talked about outside Lacey and I's little bubble. I tried to convince her to stay in the dormitory with me but Lacey couldn't stand the thought of missing out.
So at half past nine, I let her pick out an outfit for me that didn't include any of the comfortable t-shirts and jeans that I normally wore. She threw one of the only full skirts that I owned at my face when she dug it out of my trunk, followed by a pale pink long-sleeved blouse that I was pretty sure I only wore when my dad forced me to go to a muggle church that one time.
"You've got to look decent, Mon," Lacey insisted. "You're a working girl now!"
I didn't bother reminding her that I hadn't even started yet and just pulled on the clothes, feeling ridiculous I was dressing up just to walk downstairs to the common room.
Becca and Polly were at least too busy filling their faces with makeup to torment us so that was a positive side of the preparations. Alex was expectedly with her teammates downstairs already. By the time Lacey finished dressing herself in a classic scarlet jumpsuit and curled her hair, I was relieved to be able to leave the dormitory and get the night over with.
Truthfully, I'd always enjoyed the celebrations after winning Quidditch, even if the spiked drinks were always charmed not to serve fourth years and below. I normally would have gone just to get the chance to see Carter from a distance and some food. But since Carter hardly ever crossed my mind these days, I guess that left the sole motivator of good food. I skipped dinner so I was determined to eat then head back upstairs.
When Lacey and I reached the common room, it was already packed with happy Gryffindors across all years. The couches and tables were vanished away to make more space and long tables were conjured by the walls to hold the food and drinks. I eagerly made my way there first and Lacey followed behind me.
"Seriously?" she scoffed when I immediately took a plate from the pile. "Is this why you're here?"
"Can't give a more solid reason for me to be here at all," I replied, scooping heaps of fish and chips.
She rolled her eyes and handpicked one of the chips from my plate. I shot her a glare.
"Get your own, yeah?" I snapped.
"Wouldn't kill you to share!" she exclaimed then taking another chip before I could move the plate away.
"Can I get everyone's attention please?"
Lacey and I paused our childish antics and turned to the speaker. My stomach flipped at the sight of Sirius standing on a stool as he addressed the Gryffindors. He still looked impossibly good even if he just wore what looked like his Hogwarts uniform without the cloak and tie — a white button down and slacks. Suddenly I felt ridiculously overdressed.
"My name's Sirius," he continued once everyone's attention turned to him. "Unfortunately, this is probably the last party my friends and I will throw for you all."
A series of goans and boos rang across the room.
"I know it's been fun having us around but it's been a good run, eh?" Sirius said jokingly. "Anyway, this party is in honor of my best friend who's already passed out in the corner over there for drinking a bottle of whiskey in one go upstairs."
I blinked in surprise and checked the corner he gestured to. True to his word, James was seated upright on the floor, head lolling, while Lily and Peter struggled to pull him up to his feet.
"I would like to kindly request for your help to take as many photos as you can, preferably while he vomits which will probably begin in the next ten to fifteen minutes," Sirius said, checking his watch briefly as if timing his best friend's demise.
"Sirius, get over here and help us!" Lily snapped after her third attempt to get James on his feet failed.
"That's my cue," Sirius said happily. "Enjoy yourselves!"
The chatter instantly resumed as Sirius hopped off the stool and approached the struggling Lily. I felt Lacey leave her spot next to me to follow him there and I tried to reach for her arm to hastily pull her back, but she slipped through a group of sixth years before I could. I mentally groaned and let out a sigh, following her lead as I nervously munched on my chips.
By the time I reached the group of seventh years in the corner surrounding James, Remus and Peter looked fondly at their best friend who could barely keep his eyes open. Sirius had his wand out and Lily had given up on helping her boyfriend, collapsing on the nearby stool in exhaustion.
"Have you lot forgotten magic exists?" Sirius said with a snort, flicking his wand once and James immediately hovered up, arms open wide and his head lolling down like a puppet. Remus and Peter stepped forward to support him on either side.
"I may have been too preoccupied by the state of his unconsciousness," Lily said snippily from her seat. "Why's he already dead at this time of night? Care to explain?"
"Wormtail dared him to down a whole bottle of Firewhiskey!" Sirius said, pointing accusingly at Peter.
"Way to throw me under the bus," Peter said, adjusting James' left arm over his shoulder while Remus took his right.
"Why don't you just enervate him?" Lacey suggested and the group only seemed to notice our presence.
Sirius spotted me lurking a little behind Lacey and I awkwardly waved my palm as a greeting. He raised his eyebrows and waved too despite being three feet away from each other. Lily's eyes followed our little exchange but didn't comment. Sirius then returned to look at puppet James.
"He'll still be too drunk to walk," Remus answered. "If anything, we need to find a way to sober him up."
"And have him drink another bottle of Firewhiskey again?" Lily protested. "No way! Get him to bed."
"But this party is for him, Lily!" Sirius whined.
"You should've thought about that before you dared him to drink that much bloody alcohol in one go!"
Lily's word seemed final because Remus and Peter supported James back up to the dormitory while the fiery redhead followed after them upstairs, nagging their ears at how irresponsible they were. Leaving me and Lacey with Sirius in the corner, my best friend seemed to just have realized the arrangement and cleared her throat awkwardly.
"So…" she began.
"Shut up, Lacey," I snapped.
"Rude, Monica," Sirius said with a smirk. "You ladies having fun?"
"We just got here and James is practically dead," I reminded him.
"Doesn't mean you're not having fun," he said smartly.
Before Lacey and I could respond, a burly younger student waved over at Sirius from the other corner of the room. He was surrounded by three other boys who looked a little too pleased with themselves as their friend called, "Oi, Sirius!"
I raised an eyebrow at the seventh year Gryffindor whose forehead was furrowed as if trying to recall who those people were. I nearly snorted at the comical confusion on his face.
"Who's that?" Lacey asked, probably voicing out the very question in Sirius' head.
"No idea," he muttered, but politely waved back at the group with a stiff nod.
The burly boy pathetically glanced at his surroundings as if checking if anyone had seen Sirius' return greeting before boldly waving for him to come over.
"They're not your sixth year lot, are they?" Sirius asked frantically.
I rolled my eyes and Lacey stifled a snort through her palm.
"No," I replied.
"Probably just a bunch of guys who wanna show off they know you," Lacey suggested, still laughing a bit.
"Now why would anyone do that?" Sirius mumbled, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable for someone who was always so confident. It was quite similar to his reaction whenever someone would point out how many girls try to get with him. It was adorable and weirdly inconsistent how he seemed to enjoy the attention of a larger group but actually disliked it in an individual perspective. Lily once mentioned how the Marauders hardly branched out from their own group, that despite their expert execution of confidence that stole the attention of any room, they unknowingly preferred the individual company of their own group members.
"Well, I'm apparently off to mingle," Sirius sighed in dejection, filling his goblet from the nearest bowl of spiked punch. "This is James' party, not mine. Hosting duties really shouldn't be my business right now."
"Should've thought of that before you shoved a bottle of Firewhiskey down his throat," Lacey pointed out, mimicking Lily's nagging from earlier.
Sirius grumbled irately under his breath and made his way towards the unknown group of Gryffindors who looked much too proud of themselves as the Marauder approached. Lacey and I watched in amusement as he mingled in pain for a short while, the burly guy patting him on the back as if Sirius had been the one who won the cup for Gryffindor. Given the twisted expression on his face, I was fairly sure he wasn't pleased by getting credit for doing absolutely nothing.
It didn't take long for me to realize Lacey shifted her gaze from Sirius to me while I blissfully watched the handsome boy chat. When I glanced at her and caught her wide blue eyes giving me that look, I groaned and turned my back from the boy I fancied to shoot her a stone cold glare. Until that second, she obviously still tried to insist that I wasn't okay with the whole staying friends situation with Sirius.
"Drop it, Lacey," I growled.
"I'm not even saying anything," she said in fake innocence, taking a loud sip from her goblet.
"You're thinking it," I snapped. "Anyway, you see that? Good friends. Same old. It wasn't even awkward."
"Because you guys are so weird," Lacey chuckled.
I shoved her arm with enough force to make her drink spill over the brim a bit.
"I said drop it."
"Bloody hell," Lacey muttered, flicking her fingers to get rid of the alcohol that spilled. "It's dropped, Mon. Relax."
She passive aggressively snatched a sandwich from the nearby food table while giving me knowing looks but I refused to egg her on by acting like a lovestruck witch in denial. I merely watched her munch on her sandwich in silence and we ended up in a pretty heated staring contest.
Around us, the Gryffindors were huddled together in small groups. The older years had their drinks while the younger years mostly filled their plates with chips. There was something missing though since James had to go up early and Sirius was stuck mingling with a couple of social climbing Gryffindors in a corner.
Usually during their celebration parties, they would hype everyone up and they almost always ended up with a random fifth year streaking around the common room. As far as farewell parties went, it was unfortunate this didn't turn out to be their best one as promised.
"Bit of a stinker, innit?" Lacey commented, breaking the silence and leaving her finished plate aside.
"I suggested giving it a pass," I said, feeling the dead air as if a cool breeze was coming in an open window. "But someone was afraid of missing out."
"It's their last party in Hogwarts, Mon," Lacey said defensively, crossing her arms and frowning at the unlively crowd. "Everyone must have thought it would be more exciting than this."
I rolled my eyes and got myself an empty goblet from the table, pouring a drink.
"You want another?" I asked Lacey, raising the filled goblet.
"Promised myself not to drink more than one glass for at least half a year after that Hogsmeade trip," Lacey said bitterly then paused, looking longingly at the goblet before quickly reaching out and taking it. "But I guess two drinks wouldn't hurt."
I laughed as she chugged it down.
"Party doesn't look like it'll liven up anytime soon anyway," I said, turning my back to her and pouring my own.
I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and I twisted back expecting to face Lacey, opening my mouth to warn her to watch her drinking pace before she ended up like James. The words died in my mouth when I found myself face to face with a twitchy Carter Robins, eyes darting around the room and his hands buried in the pockets of his trousers. Behind him was Lacey who watched our exchange with her eyebrows raised.
"Carter," I said in surprise and his eyes fixed on me at the sound of his name.
"Hi," he said simply. His right hand jumped up and scratched the back of his ear.
"What can I do for you?" I asked.
"I just… wanted to say hi, I s'pose," he said, biting his bottom lip in clear nervousness. "And I wanted to apologize… again."
"For what this time?" I chuckled humorously.
"Er… well, I made things pretty weird between us," he said and ran his fingers through his blonde hair. "I know it's been a while since we've talked but it's been killing me to see you around without really having some closure, you know? I still meant what I said before in the owlery. I'd really like to be friends."
I blinked blankly at him, unsure of what to respond. It had been rather weird with him in classes and I hoped we could stay civil after our talk in the library, but I never got the chance to really talk to him afterwards. It was a bit disappointing but I tried my best not to dwell on it, given I never much understood how people reacted after rejection anyway. I always assumed his response to it was normal.
"We can be friends, Carter," I said sincerely. "I'm sorry too, you know."
"No worries, yeah?" he said, laughing lightly. "The year's just ending and I think I needed to talk to you again just to air things out."
"Isn't this a sweet reconciliation," Lacey butted in, taking a few steps forward to stand between us.
"Hey, Lacey," Carter greeted her with a smile.
"Heard you got dumped," Lacey said jokingly and I shot her a side glare.
"Well, I dumped her first," Carter said, humor lacing his tone and I playfully rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, all in the past, isn't it?" I said. "Doesn't matter much now. It still surprises me how fast gossip spreads and vanishes completely when something more interesting comes up."
"That's Hogwarts for you," Carter laughed. "Believe me, when James and Lily started going out, it's like no one even remembered what happened between you and me."
"Not to mention everything that's happening in the city," I added, tone turning a bit solemn. Carter nodded in agreement, eyes dark and sipping from his goblet.
"Definitely," he said. "With everything going on, I started to feel a bit rubbish stressing myself out with petty stuff."
"You still planning on coming back for seventh year, Carter?" Lacey asked.
"Yeah," Carter replied but his eyebrows scrunched up and his tone was uncertain. "I mean, I can't work at the Ministry without my NEWTs. It'd be awfully difficult to find a decent job, wouldn't it?"
"I'm sure there are still tons of opportunities if you just got your OWLs though," I said, feeling a bit defensive but couldn't help the rebuttal.
"I'm sure there are, yeah," he said quickly. "But my options require NEWTs, that's all."
"Mine too," Lacey said.
Carter looked at Lacey in mild surprise and asked, "You've got an idea what you want to do after Hogwarts, Lacey?"
"Why d'you look so shocked?" Lacey snorted.
Carter's cheeks tinted pink and and proceeded to splutter, "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to–"
But Lacey laughed good-naturedly and waved him off to stop his hasty explanation.
"Nah, I'm just messing with you," she said. "Anyway, my plans haven't got much to do with my own interests. My parents are Healers so I got the same fate."
"Healer?" Carter said humorously. "Lacey, you know Potion-making is an essential skill for Healer training, right?"
"I'm well-aware," Lacey said bitterly. "Why do you think I still took the bloody class after OWLs? If my parents weren't so insistent, I'd have dropped Potions when I could."
Carter crossed his arms and shook his head at her in amusement. "Wouldn't have pegged you for a Healer, to be honest. What about you, Monica? Any idea of what you want to do after Hogwarts?"
I was momentarily silenced by the sudden shift of the conversation from Lacey's pre-planned ambitions to my pathetic lack of any at all. I cleared my throat awkwardly then Lacey spoke up to answer for me.
"Mon's got an internship at the Daily Prophet this summer," she said looking proud. I affectionately smiled at her for her support.
"Wow, that's brilliant!" Carter cheered, nudging my shoulder with a grin on his face. "Journalism, eh?"
"I don't know yet," I said bashfully but smiling nonetheless. "But it would be good to start with something."
"Yeah, journalists are quite in demand these days with everything going on," Carter added.
"Journalism, Mon? Never would have guessed." A new voice spoke to my left and I did a double take on Sirius who smoothly waltzed in our group and joined the conversation.
He had a tight-lipped smile on his face that didn't seem very genuine while his eyes darted from Carter to me. It dawned on me that I hadn't exactly told him about my acceptance into the Daily Prophet yet and I felt a bit guilty since he was the one who pushed me to do it in the first place.
Carter, who was lax a few seconds ago, visibly put his guard up as soon as he recognized Sirius. The look in his eye darkened and he stiffly crossed his arms over his chest. On the other hand, I was ready to puke out the two sips of the flavored Firewhiskey I drank.
"Robins," Sirius greeted Carter first, dipping his head slightly in his direction. "Great catch earlier. Congratulations."
"Thanks," Carter replied dryly.
"You guys talking about Monica's Daily Prophet internship?" Sirius asked, side-eyeing me curiously.
Lacey cleared her throat while I tried to look anywhere but his direction.
"She got in this morning, Sirius," Lacey said.
"Brilliant," Sirius said, tone level. "Reckon you guys were sharing your post-Hogwarts plans then, eh?"
I saw Lacey's eyes shift towards me as if expecting me to say something but I was immensely stubborn at keeping silent. Every time I caught myself looking at him it was painfully uncomfortable. I didn't know keeping him in the dark would irk him this much, but I really only found out that same morning. Maybe the fact we were talking about it with Carter Robins before him was what annoyed him, seeing as they had this weird unspoken masculine feud that I still had no idea what drew it out for this long.
"Yeah, I wanna be a Healer," Lacey finally replied, a clear effort to just keep the conversation going despite the growing tension.
"Ambitious, Lace. I like it," Sirius said, cocking a finger gun at her with a smirk on his face. "Don't think I need to ask what you want to do, Robins. Anyone can tell you're set to be a PA in the Ministry."
My eye twitched and my head snapped towards him, still unable to find the words to tell him to shut up.
"I want Magical Law Enforcement," Carter said, unamused.
"Oh, never would have guessed. Law enforcement's actually quite exciting, didn't think you'd be interested," Sirius quickly rebutted.
Carter pursed his lips, clearly trying his best not to rise up to Sirius' baits. I internally groaned at how increasingly unnecessary the passive aggressive quips between them were.
"Do you mind me asking why you always seem to turn up when I'm talking to Monica?"
I choked on my drink.
"We're friends, eh?" Sirius chuckled emptily. "Sometimes I just want to talk to her. What are you implying, Robins?"
"Yeah, this is getting weird," I spoke up before I melted in my pathetic state.
"Super weird," Sirius agreed.
"We're friends, Carter," I added quickly after.
"Friends," Sirius confirmed then glanced at me with a glint on his eye before saying, "She fancies me though."
In a spur of shock and physical reflexes, I elbowed him hard on the side of his stomach and he doubled over in pain. I manically kept the grin on my face but I was pretty sure my left eye was twitching, making both Lacey and Carter stare at us wide-eyed with matching faces of astonishment.
Sirius held up his left palm while his right gripped his side and groaned, "That was a joke."
"Damn right, it was," I hissed under my breath.
"Right…" Carter said, clearly unconvinced and taking a slow step back. "I'll see you guys around."
With that, he stalked off towards his Quidditch mates and I fiercely glared at Sirius who was finally standing upright, breathing heavily. Lacey pursed her lips, visibly holding in a bark of laughter.
I crossed my arms, feeling the blood rush up to my head in mixed feelings of annoyance and discomfort. Eventually he was able to settle his gaze on me which willed me to speak.
"What's wrong with you?" I spat.
"What's wrong with me?! What's wrong with you?" he said incredulously. "I could have internal bleeding right now."
"Oh, go cry to James about it, wanker," I said nastily. "You're not funny."
"Really? Because Lacey thinks I'm hilarious." Sirius gestured to the blonde who was giggling uncontrollably to herself.
In a fit of rage, I slapped him repeatedly on the arm with my open palm, him yelling out after each blow. He hastily tried to block my arm with his own, making it look like we were sword fighting with our limbs.
"Ouch— Monica!" Sirius exclaimed after what was probably my tenth attempt to hit him and I stopped, exhaling hot air through my nose. "Will you please relax?"
"What is up with you and Carter Robins?" I growled. "Is your manhood really that fragile that you're still trying to one him up in everything?"
"I was just making conversation!" Sirius said defensively.
"He was actually being nice," I said, ignoring his claims.
"Oh, right. Because it's so easy for bastards like Robins to redeem themselves by being nice. Sorry, Mon, it slipped my mind how forgiving you were."
"See!" I yelled, digging a finger into his chest. "You called him a bastard! You do hate him!"
Sirius laughed. "Yeah, because he spread rumors about you, Mon. How can I not hate the guy?"
"Don't even think for a second I'm buying that," I said. "You hate him because he showed you up last year when you asked me to Slughorn's party. That's what this is all about still! It's just you and your oversized ego!"
"Maybe it is!" Sirius shot back. "Doesn't change the fact he thinks one apology's gonna fix what he's done to you and he'll have you pining after him again. I could see you drooling from the opposite corner of the room. You deserve better than that, Mon."
"What, like you?" I asked, voice laced with so much anger that I actually couldn't think straight.
He closed his mouth instantly and blinked twice, blankly staring at me as I clearly caught him off guard. From the corner of my eye, I saw Lacey take a few steps back while sipping casually from her goblet, eyes looking anywhere but towards me and Sirius' direction.
"You deserve a better friend than that, Mon," Sirius finally said, voice a bit more level. "That's what I meant."
I breathed in deeply, trying to ignore the fact that a few groups that surrounded us were eavesdropping on our row.
"Well…" I spluttered, trying hard to form a coherent reply that veered away from that uncomfortable misunderstanding. "Yeah, I meant that too."
I could almost see Lacey roll her eyes from where she stood by the wall.
"Anyway, it's not like we're the best of friends," I said with an uneasy chuckle. "We're just being civil. He's certainly not at the top of my buddy ranking."
"Then why didn't you tell me you got into the Daily Prophet?" he asked, voice hard and eyes flashing with hurt.
Caught off guard, I stared at him in silence with my mouth agape.
"Scratch that," Sirius continued when I didn't respond. "Why'd you have to tell Robins before me?"
"Lacey told him," I said monotonously.
"Whatever." He waved his free palm impatiently. "I told you about that opening! I can't really be that low in your friendship spectrum that Robins had to find out before I did."
"Why does that even matter?" I said, utterly confused by the turn of the conversation.
"Because you should've told me, Mon!" he laughed, but tone empty of humor. "It's brilliant! Bloody congratulations, really! I'm psyched for you!"
"Sirius, I just found out this morning," I snapped, feeling the anger rising in my head again. "This is totally unfair."
He pursed his lips and raked his fingers through his hair. Then he nodded stiffly and chugged down the rest of his drink. I awkwardly stood there, waiting for him to speak again because I didn't have a damn sentence in mind to keep a conversation like this going.
"Right, it's unfair," he said hoarsely. "I'm sorry."
I bit my lip, feeling my chest bursting at the rapid pace of my heart. Watching his frustration from telling Carter about my internship first, I realized how stupid I was for giving into the feelings I had for him. I knew he was thinking the same thing: I couldn't tell him first because I fancied him.
It didn't feel the same approaching him like I used to because I couldn't even look at him without feeling tingly and pathetic. I already knew how much strain it would cause our friendship and I still went ahead and told him in drunken stupidity. Now it was dawning on Sirius how difficult it was to revert back to how we used to be because he knew I was uncomfortable around him and I couldn't tell him these things without feeling overly conscious about myself. Was that how having a crush felt like or should I have booked myself into St. Mungo's for being utterly mental?
Lacey said crushes were supposed to make you feel good but with Sirius, I couldn't even look at him in the eye without wanting to puke out my nerves. I got what I wanted and kept him as a friend but Merlin had to explain why I still felt the moronic need to keep my distance, even if I had exciting news I could share with him. I wanted to believe that the feelings didn't run deep but apparently my actions were saying otherwise and I couldn't keep pretending it was back to normal between us.
"This is stupid," I sighed, finally feeling the pace of my heart slow down.
"What d'you mean?" Sirius replied dumbly.
"This whole thing is stupid! Let's just… carry on, okay? We're friends. I should've told you as soon as I found out. That's what friends do."
"I–Yeah–No, Monica, I'm an arse," Sirius stuttered while shaking his head vigorously. "I shouldn't have made you feel bad about Robins. I was just being a git because I don't like him."
"No, to be honest," I said, biting my bottom lip and avoiding his eye, "I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I just…"
"I get it, Mon," Sirius interrupted. "You need more time naturally."
"Don't let it get to your head," I said warningly but indirectly agreeing with his suggestion.
He raised his palms up. "I'm a humble man, Mon."
"Yeah, right," I muttered.
"Really, I'll give you some more time," Sirius chuckled, patting me lightly on the shoulder.
"I just don't wanna feel weird around you," I said, shoulder tingling at his brief touch.
"Yeah, and I won't contribute," he quickly said after. "No more passive aggressive conversations with Robins until we sort this weirdness out. Hell, you could go ahead and date him. See if I care."
I frowned. "Yeah, maybe no suggestions on my dating life."
"Right." He nodded stiffly. "That was a weird thing to say."
"Mhm, yeah, it was."
Sirius cleared his throat when silence fell and stuffed his hands deep in his pockets. My eyes shot from the ceiling to the food table to Lacey — who was doing a very bad effort of pretending not to observe us from a distance.
Saving the pair of us from the painfully awkward silence, thunderous steps echoed from the boys' staircase and the entire common room turned to check who was causing the ruckus. Then James Potter emerged from the tunnel with a wide grin on his face, hair in complete disarray, and white button down stained with what looked like dried up vomit.
"Let's get this party started, eh?!" he cheered as he skipped over to the groups and high-fived his housemates.
The common room was brought back to life by James' resurrection and I caught a glimpse of Lily emerging from the tunnel with a furious look on her face while screaming, "James Potter, you are not in the right state to party!"
Laughing to myself, I watched as he approached me and Sirius and enveloped his best mate in a drunken hug. Sirius was pulled away from our corner to join James in getting the rest of the common room hyped up for the party.
Lacey slowly approached me with a smirk on her face and I just shook my head at her, nonverbally trying to tell her I didn't want to talk about it. Thankfully, she read the cue and we just stood there, laughing at the scene of James jumping from group to group in a clear effort to avoid the wrath of her girlfriend.
I sighed to myself but felt significantly lighter. Sixth year didn't turn out how I expected it to be but the most surprising part of it all was how it turned my life around from boring to something completely unforgettable. The added plus was having something to look forward to for the summer, so I smiled at Sirius' back as he followed his best friend around, reminding myself my feelings for him weren't a sin but our friendship was something I would cross oceans for.
If that meant having to ignore the way my heart sped and stomach turned at the sight of him, it didn't seem that bad at all. I just had to try harder to get over the schoolgirl crush and think a bit more like him — bigger. I was counting on the summer to give me some clarity on my future and once again, Sirius unknowingly drove me to put things into perspective and really think about the possibilities in my life. Going through awkward silences and setting boundaries with him was something I could live with for the time being, just so long as I could keep him around. I was determined by the summer, the feelings would be gone and everything could go back to normal.
A/N - Hello, lovely readers! So this is the last Hogwarts chapter. There's gonna be a bit of a time jump in the next one but I assure you guys I'm working very hard to keep the quality consistent. Since it's going to be a different setting during Monica's summer, it's gonna be really new for me to write the next parts of this story but frankly I'm super excited to start on it.
I hope you guys stick around with Monica for the next chapter of her life and I'm super grateful for all of your thoughts and support. Would love to know how you found the chapters during their Hogwarts years, Monica and Sirius' current situation, and anything else really! Appreciate all of your comments and support. I wouldn't have gone this far without any of you guys. :)