I took all this love I found (and I hope that it's enough)

by bouj525

Bea Smith escapes the house she's trapped in and finds herself staying at a shelter for victims of domestic violence. When she can't sleep, she wanders outside in the middle of the night and sits on a bench. When Allie Novak joins her, Bea thinks that the dark of the night has never been so bright.

18. I dreamed a dream of you and me

I started this chapter in my hotel room at Wentworth Con, wrote 75% of it before July and then... I got busy.

I hope you enjoy reading this mix of drama and fluff.

Chapter's title comes from "The Dawning of Spring" by Anson Seabra.

---

Chapter 18: I dreamed a dream of you and me

This is the greatest moment of her life.

This is the beginning of her real life, the one she deserves. It's the moment that defines the end of her childhood and her entrance into the fabulous world of adulthood. This is the opportunity for her to leave her toys behind and to say goodbye to her plushies. This is the chance for her to prove to her parents that they don't have to watch her every second of every day.

They won't lock her inside anymore. They won't tell her to stay calm or to eat her vegetables. They won't be able to order her to stop watching television even when the sky is black outside. They won't be able to stop her, for she will be free to go wherever she wants, whenever she wants.

She looks proudly at her brand new bicycle. It shines under the light of the rising sun and its vivid turquoise shade pairs beautifully with her excited eyes. She beams at the absence of the two little wheels in the back, thinking without any doubt that she will be able to go faster than lightning.

Allie is five years old and she is ready to earn the respect she knows that she deserves.

She stands, confident and fearless, and her blonde hair fly with the wind as she secures her small hands around the two handlebars of the bike. She sits comfortably on the saddle and she wobbles side to side, trying to get used to the feeling of being higher than she was on her previous bicycle. She smirks at the calm, empty road stretching before her. She dares it to stop the tsunami of determination that's about to roll down its path.

She falls.

Of course, she does.

Once, twice, and then three more times. She doesn't last very long on the small vehicle. She constantly struggles to remain in control, to keep her balance intact, and eventually, she gains another second, and she wins over another one, and she survives through a third one. When she feels safe enough, perhaps too soon for her to fully comprehend the danger she's facing, she heads down the small hill that goes up the next road.

She goes against the wind and defies the skies with her indestructible smile as the view around her spins out of control. She keeps smiling when she falls and gets scratches all over her legs. They're small enough that she doesn't bleed and she gets up again, and again, and it hurts, and after the fifth time, it bleeds a little, but, still she refuses to give up.

She was born a warrior, no one will tell her otherwise.

She spends an hour trying to get out of the same familiar surroundings, riding her bike with as much energy as she can. She finds herself unable to beat her time record of a mere ten seconds. After another failed attempt, she screams at the damn object, blaming it for everything, accusing it to ruin her entire life. It is obviously the bike's fault that she cannot succeed.

Until she stops falling.

Until she starts flying. It happens like a miracle. One second, she's standing still, and the next one, she's rocketing to the other side of the world. She almost doesn't believe it, but she squints her eyes to focus on where she's going, and before she knows it, she's speeding by the stop sign like a firework. She yells when she hears a car honk at her, and adrenaline rushes through her limbs like a limitless drug.

She squeals with fear and excitement, and then she gasps in terror when she realizes she doesn't know how to make this chaos go away. She spends an infinite second trying to gather the courage to slow down, and when the road starts to transform into an uphill slide, she finally sets her foot on the solid ground.

She almost kisses the rocks under her, but she stops herself right on time, thinking that this is gross, and she doesn't want to be gross like those little boys that attend her school. Instead, she looks up and wipes the emotions away from her eyes.

She freezes.

There's someone looking at her. She stays still like a statue, surprised by this sudden appearance. She thinks that she should bike away as fast as she can, but the stranger's gravity keeps pulling her in. The girl is slightly older than she is and she's staring at her with eyes that are colored with laughs and a smile that is sweeter than her favorite candy.

"Hey!" the girl asks with a crooked grin. "Are you okay?"

There's a hole in the middle of her grin where she's missing her front tooth, and Allie thinks that this is the funniest sight in the world.

"I'm fine," she answers, too proud to admit that she'd just thought she was going to crash in a tree. "I don't need your help."

"I wasn't offering any help," the other girl smirks devilishly. "My name's Bea. What's yours?"

"Allie."

"That's a nice name."

"Thanks," Allie replies hesitantly, unsure whether to say more or not. Her parents keep telling her not to talk to strangers, but this Bea looks friendly, and she could use a new best friend.

"Are you learning?" Bea asks curiously, pointing at the bike. "My dad taught me last year."

"I'm not learning," Allie replies stubbornly. She's five. She wants to impress this person, no matter what it costs her. "I know how to do it."

To prove her point, she sits on the saddle and steadies herself calmly. She doesn't want to humiliate herself in front of this ridiculously cute girl who wears a smug look on her face that makes her even more charming.

"Watch me," Allie declares.

She starts pedalling slowly and grins when she gets her balance right. She makes it for a few seconds before she turns harshly and the wheels shriek on the ground. The bike has a mind of its own when it brings her closer to the floor until she hits it with a quiet thud.

She falls.

Of course, she does, again.

And she falls directly on one of her previous scratches and the pain shoots through her leg. It starts to bleed, and Allie, reacquainting with the feeling of being a small child in this huge universe, winces as a few tears roll down her cheeks.

She tries to stop crying, but the only thought that appears in her mind in that moment is that she wants her mother to be there to hold her. Her mother would know what to do, she would know how to make the pain stop, how to make the bleeding go away. She opens her mouth to cry out for her, but Bea interrupts the imminent explosion.

"Come with me. My house's two streets down and my mom will help you." Bea suggests, kindly extending a hand to help the blonde child get back up.

Allie hesitates for a second before she accepts. She gets up and glues her lips together to prevent them from shaking. She skips next to Bea as the older girl carefully carries the bicycle along.

"Are you sure you weren't learning?" Bea teases gently as they turn the corner and the salted air surrounds them in a moment.

They're so close to the ocean and Allie wonders why it took her so long to realize it.

"You live next to the beach?" Allie jumps excitedly, avoiding the other girl's question. All thoughts of pain are nearly gone as she thinks of the soft sand between her toes and the blue waves she could twirl in.

"I do, but we're not going," Bea laughs. "We're going to see mom. She'll clean your wound. And trust me, salted water on that would be a horrible idea."

Allie pouts and crosses her arms against her chest, but Bea's decision stays the same. This isn't the time to play, this is the time to be responsible.

Allie decides now and then that being an adult sucks and she regrets everything she'd previously thought on the matter.

They climb the stairs leading to the front door of a small house, and Bea walks in, screaming that she's not alone.

A few minutes later, there's a bandage with unicorn prints around Allie's wound, and she's racing toward the beach with a million suns dancing in her eyes, her hand tightly holding Bea's.

---

Allie wakes up.

She sets her eyes on Bea and a smile blooms on her lips.

The sun is bright and she wants nothing more than to close her eyes again, to find solace in the darkness.

But darkness doesn't compare to the sight of Bea, to the way it soothes her heart and hypnotizes her, forcing her to fight the need to blink.

She longs for the ocean and she wonders what it means.

---

"This isn't what I expected to be doing today," Allie states as she carries a few bicycles with her.

She's holding three of them and she's trying not to let any of them fall on the sidewalk while Ruby walks beside her. The machines are light and decorated with vibrant colors and Allie secretly wishes that one could belong to her.

"What did you expect to do?" Ruby asks with a curious voice.

Allie thinks about her answer carefully. She's on her second week with Ruby and she has yet to go talk to people about how to reach out for help. Instead, she's been walking around, delivering bikes to youth centers.

She's tried looking for the girl, but she hasn't been outside enough. Instead, she's learned how to file statistics and police reports, and while they are useful things to know, they're not the part that excite her most.

"I'm not sure. I thought we'd be giving away some food or clothes," Allie frowns, slightly frustrated. "Talk to people around, sit down with the kids who are taking drugs or who are at risk of taking drugs? Direct them to places that can help them? Why are we even carrying bikes around?"

Ruby grins, remembering when she was at Allie's place, questioning her own mentor and feeling helpless.

"You're going too fast," she says. "You want to give them the essentials, and I get that, but that's where many make a mistake. Food, as important as it is, is temporary. You can give each of these kids money to go to a restaurant, but tomorrow, they'll be standing at the very same place, asking for the very same food."

Allie agrees silently, still wondering why bikes are more important than saving people from starvation.

"Most of these kids, they can't go anywhere. They don't have money to take public transport and they're stuck in an environment that is bad for them. Poor neighborhood, easy access to drugs, inadequate frequentations, I could go on and on. With these," Ruby points to the bikes, "we're giving them a way to escape from those places. We could give them food, but I'm sure you know that they'd take that food and exchange it for drugs, one way or another."

Allie wants to reply that this is impossible, but a very vague memory of her younger self doing just that appears in her mind and she keeps her mouth shut. She wonders what she could have gone, had she had access to one of these flamboyant machines when she was young.

"They can't ride those bikes if they're high," she says instead.

"They can't do anything until they can," Ruby replies patiently. "Whether they're high or not, they'll be aware that they have this possibility to escape. It's better than believing they have no option. With bikes, they can think of finding a job that isn't restricted to their area. They can explore other parts of the city, places that aren't riddled with drugs dealers or haunted with past nightmares. Mobility is important and people often forget that part. That's why so many are stuck in cycle of poverty."

Allie nods absently, her arms aching under the weight of the bicycles. It makes sense and she knows Ruby is right, but it doesn't stop her from wanting to do more.

"I know you're impatient," Ruby says. "I was too, and I promise, what you'll learn in one month by following me is just the tip of the iceberg. Let's start with today, yeah?"

And Allie learns.

She learns that people won't speak to her until they've gotten used to her presence.

She learns that people won't look at her unless she has something to offer them.

She learns that people won't trust her unless she's with Ruby.

She learns that she can't do all the things she wants to do because her lack of knowledge handicaps her in a way that didn't when she interacted with the teenage girl.

So she sighs, observes and tries to remember every detail that matters when it comes to intervene with people in crisis situations.

She learns so much that, as the day comes to an end, she feels like she hasn't learned anything at all.

---

It's their last night before graduation. It's their last day together before they get catapulted to different sides of the country, each of them following their own paths.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see! Follow me."

The two teenagers run across the shore, feet splashing in the sea as the waves come and go. The ocean is black and endless before their eyes. They guide each other to a land unknown and carefully craft a mental map of where they come from.

"Where?" Bea frowns, following a blonde silhouette that keeps on racing to a distant dune. "Are you sure you know where we're going?"

"Do you trust me or not?"

Bea rolls her eyes and reluctantly marches on. Of course, she trusts Allie with her life. They are soulmates after all, inseparable ever since they met, so long ago that Bea can't even remember it. But despite their undeniable chemistry, she also trusts Allie to get them into a shitload of trouble. It doesn't help that the clock is almost reaching midnight and that the only source of light comes from the lone full moon above their head.

They follow the shore until it comes to an end and the sand turns into bigger rocks. They climb over them, mindful of their steps so they don't accidently slip in the water. The ocean's melody is transforms the hike into an adventurous quest and they keep climbing until they reach a small path that disappears between bushes.

"We're almost there," Allie declares, walking head first between the bushes.

"We're going to be killed," Bea hushes as she quickly follows the other girl. There's no way she's getting left behind in this place. "We're going to die and no one will ever find our bodies."

"We're only going to be killed if you tell someone about it, which I know you won't because you care too much about me to get me in trouble," Allie sings lightly, confidently leading the way.

"Can't say the same for you," Bea mumbles under her breath as a branch almost cuts through her skin. There's a mix of fear and excitement in her mind as she walks behind Allie for a few minutes. The bushes vanish and a flat land replaces them. Bea gasps quietly at the sight before her.

A tall lighthouse stands in front of them, its light gone but its presence still mystical, as if this giant was simply waiting for the right signal to wake up again. The entrance is closed, but Bea can see a small stairwell twirling inside the structure, leading to the top floor. The place is old, she's sure of it, and despite its impressive height, Bea thinks that it would crumble to dust if someone were to walk in.

Bea flinches when she feels Allie's hand softly touch hers.

"Let's go," Allie winks. "I found this place a week ago. It doesn't look good, but it's safe."

No way. No fucking way, Bea wants to say, but no sounds come out of her mouth because right now, Allie could invite her to cross the gates of hell and she would eagerly follow.

The door is unlocked and they push it open. It creaks and the sound echoes in the narrow space that leads to the top. There's a spiderweb hanging above their heads and if Bea didn't know any better, she'd think she was the lead in one of those horror movies she absolutely despises.

Allie goes in first, safely holding Bea's hand as they both climb the stairs slowly. Every step they make guides them closer to the top, where a cold breeze that was born on the other side of the planet welcomes them. They stand at the top of the world, at what feels like it is the edge of the universe.

If Bea focuses long enough, she can imagine the sound of the boats navigating closer to the shore and she can almost see the tunnel of light piercing through the darkness to guide them to safety.

"Here," Allie points to small backpacks that await them on the gallery. "I brought us some drinks." She pulls out two cans of beer. "Stole it from the parents."

"We can't drink," Bea protests despite the intrigued look in her eyes. "We're not even adults!"

"No one will see us," Allie points out as she opens the first can and hands it to her.

Bea waits a moment, wondering if she should listen to the small voice in her head that tells her that this is illegal and that she is way too young to be breaking the laws. The charming look on Allie's face convinces her to become Allie's partner in crime. She thinks that, worst case scenario, they'll rule prison together and dominate the dark spheres of society.

They sit together, leaning against the structure while they face the vast scenery in front of them. The few meters that separate them from the emptiness aren't enough to prevent them from having vertigo, and it doesn't help that they can hear the waves crashing against the bottom of their sacred place.

Bea takes a sip from the can of beer. The bitter taste makes her almost spit the drink out, but she swallows slowly and soon enough, a strange warmth invades her body. It is an unknown feeling and she doesn't dislike it. She glances at Allie and laughs when she sees the blonde's cheeks turning pink.

"Have you ever had alcohol before?" Bea asks curiously, wanting to know if there are still things she doesn't know about the person who owns her heart.

"No, and I don't understand why adults like it," Allie frowns, reading the words on the can. "It tastes disgusting."

"Why did you bring them then?!"

"Because! It's our last day together before everything changes. We need to celebrate."

"You're insane," Bea chuckles. "We could have just talked without all of this," she gestures to the lighthouse and the beer, "like normal people."

"But normal is boring," Allie shrugs. "And we were never normal. You're crazy, and I'm crazier, and together, we're a perfect fit. I don't want to do things everyone else does, and I'm sure you don't either. And what better way to remember our last day? No one knows we're here. I doubt people even know this place exists. It's ours. Forever."

Bea nods, agreeing with everything that comes out of Allie's mouth. They were never normal. They got along the second they met, they went to the same school, kicked the same bullies' asses, and earned a reputation of being the most extravagant duo of their year.

This place can be their own. They may not be able to afford a house yet, they may not ever get their own private island, but this place, this lighthouse, it's theirs for the night. Anything they say, anything they do, it'll remain safely locked away from intruders. Safe from Time.

They finish their beers slowly, cursing the taste but reveling in the way the shape of the moon changes gradually as they drink more and more.

"We have to promise that we'll come back here," Allie whispers after a few minutes. "Even if it's years later, we have to come back together."

There's a lingering sadness hovering around them and the air grows heavier as the night takes control of the atmosphere.

"We will," Bea promises, resting her head on Allie's shoulder. "I don't see a future in which I won't come back here with you."

"Say the one leaving the city to go study somewhere so far I can't even find it on the map!"

"You're overreacting," Bea laughs harder. "It's just three hours away."

"Four. Even five, with traffic," Allie replies strongly. "Who knows what will happen then. Long distance, it doesn't always work."

"Long distance can't beat us. I'll miss you too," Bea whispers. "I won't let this break us."

She'll miss her more than anything, anyone else, but they'll always have this strange timeless place to call their own. The scent of the salted air is engraved in her brain, just like the sweet smell of Allie's clothes.

She thinks she could not have found a better person to fall in love with.

"I know," Allie smirks, pushing back every voice telling her that they might not make it. "You love me."

Bea grins widely.

"I do."

"Great. Now kiss me."

---

Bea wakes up.

She blinks confusedly at the dream still intertwined with reality.

Secret wishes and daunting possibilities.

Drunken promises and stolen kisses.

She vaguely remembers a blurred universe where everything was the same and everything was different.

She glances at Allie.

She wouldn't trade places for anything in the world.

---

Her stomach is a rock.

A hard, solid, heavy rock. Her heart is a broken metronome that can never settle on the right rhythm. Her chest is bleeding out as she tries to breathe. Every rib is a chainsaw tearing through her lungs, and everything inside of her feels like it is being torn apart.

She didn't sleep last night, after her dream. She kept waking up, tossing around and moving in the bed, trying to stop being so cold or so hot, or so nauseous. She couldn't stay still for more than a few minutes without feeling like the ceiling was going to crush her.

She feels like every step she takes will make the ground disappear under her feet, like every gasp of air she takes might slit her throat open, and like every glance she throws around shows her a fake version of this world. She thinks her body only exists to punish her, to convince her that she's made the wrong decision and that she shouldn't be here right now.

She takes a deep breath. It chokes her and she wonders how she is supposed to stay alive if the air itself stops being breathable. What if everything conspires to end her life? What if Karma has changed its mind and decided that she doesn't deserve a happy ending?

"it's going to be alright," her lawyer reassures her while they wait for the trial to begin. "We prepared for this, remember? We're ready."

"We have no proof," Bea nearly screams.

"We do," her lawyer answers. "We have the hospital reports that show you were there when you needed help."

"That doesn't… It's not enough. I haven't been enough times."

"Trust me, I have this. My job is to win this case for you."

It doesn't work. These words have no effect on her panicked state of mind because he's here, and he's looking at her with arrogant eagle eyes. He's scanning her from head to toes and he's analyzing every non-verbal cue he can get. He's laughing and smiling, unbreakable before the possibility that it might be the end for him.

He's invincible.

Bea trembles under his stare, because even if she's healed, he still reminds her of the past. She stays quiet as the judge enters and the people rise, and she keeps her mouth shut as her lawyer introduces the case and all the reasons why Harry Smith should have his freedom taken away from him.

She's refused to speak in court. She's given her testimony to her lawyer, she's said everything she had to say, and she doesn't want to repeat it again. They can have her mind and her memories once, but they won't have what's left of her sanity.

They can't force her to relive the past again.

Allie is holding her hand and it feels like the only reminder Bea has that this is really happening.

She feels suffocated by everything and everyone around her. She just remembers that, once upon a time, she filed a report for manslaughter, and today, she's witnessing the end of her long road in the justice system.

She had never expected that road to be so damn tortuous.

Lawyers take turns stating their facts while the jury carefully takes notes. The judge patiently waits and directs order, sometimes offering some clarity to the jury. Bea zones out while her lawyer mentions the time Harry grabbed her by her hair and yanked her down until she could swear she heard her skull crack open.

Her story doesn't belong to her anymore. It's everyone's.

She made it a long way by herself. She walked amongst the creepiest paths, she got lost in places she wishes she could burn to the ground. She raced for her life, lost too many times to count, and learned that, despite all of it, she can still reach the finish line before it's too late.

She doesn't have to be alone anymore, she thinks as she feels Allie's hand squeezing hers.

She's violently brought back to the court when she hears that Debbie is called as a witness.

Bea agreed for her daughter to testify in court weeks ago, and now she wishes she could take it back because she sees the way Harry's eyes light up with hope, as if he believes that his daughter is his key to freedom.

And for a mere moment, she believes that he's right and that Debbie will ruin everything.

Debbie states her name, swears that she will say nothing but the truth, and before Bea even understands what is happening, she's hearing horror stories coming out from her daughter's mouth.

"I'm not here because I want to be," Debbie explains to the court with the confidence of a person who's done this a million time. Bea's lawyer prepared her well. "I'm here because I have no choice if I want my mother to be safe."

"You are the defendant's daughter, is that correct?" Bea's lawyer interrogates.

"Yes."

"You do not live with the defendant, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Can you explain to the court why you have concerns about your mother's safety?"

Debbie nods, reciting a speech she's practiced many times in the privacy of her room.

"If my father wins today, I'm scared he will retaliate against my mother. Or me."

"And how is that?"

"He could kill us," Debbie responds coldly, blocking all her emotions away.

The answer is obvious, or at least, it's supposed to be.

Except it's not. Nothing ever is in these situations.

"Please, elaborate for the jury."

Debbie takes a deep breath and silently glances in her mother's direction. She waits for a silent approval before she speaks again, her heart thudding in her chest and her stomach pumping acid all over her guts.

She's wearing her most formal attire, a suit she was given for the occasion, and it's hot, so damn hot that she can feel her body sweating, revolting against the thick fabric. She hates lawyers and courts and judges, and their fancy little world that requires pristine etiquette and intellectual vocabulary from another universe. She hates that she has to appear calm and composed when she could yell and cry and convince them within seconds that her mother is telling the truth.

But they would only see her a hysterical daughter unfit for court trials. They wouldn't hear her, so she stays calm and she controls the million tiny volcanoes roaring under her skin.

She doesn't look at her father. She's afraid she'll change her mind if she does. And maybe, a part of her refuses to look at him and thinks that this is the last sight she has of him before he's shipped in prison.

"He was violent. He thinks I don't know this because I was young. I know he hopes I don't remember, but I can't forget my mom's screams, or her tears, or the way she'd hide her bruises when she thought I wasn't looking. She thinks I've forgotten too. They both like to act like a child is too young to understand, but I saw everything. I thought it was… normal. At first, I thought that this was how family life should be, but then I met other people and I saw how wrong everything was."

"How long ago did this start?"

"I don't know. I just know it's the way it's been since I was born."

Bea's eyes fill with tears and it takes everything she has to muffle her cry. She'd do anything to give her daughter a chance at a normal childhood again.

"He would grab her hair and throw her to the floor and just… kick her. Again and again, when he thought I was asleep. But I wasn't, I was looking. He would beat her and then pretend like it was a misunderstanding. He would tell her what to eat, what to do, where to go and who to call. He would only let her out for her job, and that's because she gave him a lot of money. And the names… he would call her so many names that I can't repeat."

"Could you give us a specific example?"

"He would tell her that she was worthless whore and that he would kill her if she didn't do better," Debbie recalls painfully. "And you know why? Because she bought the wrong meal at a restaurant. He gave me money to get pizza and told me to leave. When I came back, it was different. Mom was sitting on the couch in silence and dad was gone. When I went to sit next to her, I saw that her shoulder had this weird purple shape on it."

"Thank you for this insight. And how old were you when that happened?"

"Eleven."

She couldn't talk to anyone about it. Her friends wouldn't get it. She was about to leave elementary school. She hadn't wanted to be remembered as the kid whose mother is imprisoned in the cycle of domestic violence.

Today, she realizes how stupid that logic was.

"Did this happen again?"

"Many times," she says. Some of them, she'd rather forget, like that time she woke up in the middle of the night, only to hear her mother crying behind the wall. She'd listened to this tragic lullaby until sleep had granted her mercy.

It had happened again.

And again.

And too many times.

"And what would your mother do in turn to those events?"

"I- She never did anything, but you shouldn't blame her for this," Debbie quickly adds, the pressure in her chest increasing at the thought that she can give the judge the wrong idea. "She didn't mean anything wrong. One day, it got so bad that I wanted to call the police. Mom stopped me. She had blood in her eyes and her face was swollen like never before. But she said I started school tomorrow and she couldn't risk ruining this for me. Every time I wanted to call someone, she told me that it was fine, so I stopped asking."

Bea looks down, shame trapping her in its claws.

"And where was your father when these moments occurred?"

Debbie risks a look in her father's direction. She finds him looking right back at her, eyes holding nothing but emptiness. No regrets. No pain. Nothing.

She hears the silence around her as everyone holds their breath.

Surely, they wonder, a father wouldn't do that.

Surely, they argue, a father would care for his daughter.

Surely, they believe beyond doubt, it can't be that bad?

"I don't know. I think he was drinking, but I don't know," Debbie slashes their beliefs like a skilled knight. "I… I used to protect him. I couldn't believe that he would do this because he never touched me. He never screamed at me and he would give me so many gifts. I wanted to believe that he loved me, right? He just loved kicking my mom's face more."

She knows that she should have listened to her earlier, and maybe she'll spend the rest of her life regretting it, but at least now, she's doing something good.

"Is it true that your mother left him while you were studying abroad?"

"Yes."

"How do you feel about this?"

"I was happy about it," Debbie admits. "It's the best way. I know they weren't happy together. It's the only way she could get better. I don't think he would have let her leave. She had to run away. He never hit me directly so I wanted to stay with him regardless, but… He just made it impossible to live with him. And I suffered from him."

"How so?"

"I protected him. I shouldn't have, but this is what happens when your father does that. You can't hate him, not really. At least for me, I couldn't. But I made wrong choices. I got caught up with the wrong people and I almost..."

She pauses, the memory of falling asleep cutting through her consciousness.

"I almost died," she whispers, eyes fixating on her mother's. "And I'm sorry. I know better now and it's only because of my mom. She saved my life even when I didn't want her to. I just hope the jury saves hers."

"No more question, your honor."

It takes five seconds for Debbie to walk out of her seat and run to her mother's side.

It takes ten minutes before the lawyers fight again, both trying to defend their client's rights as best as they can.

Bea's lawyer argues that the diverse types of violence perpetrated against Bea illustrate Harry's nature which, unless stopped, will keep pushing him to act violently. The risk of recidivism is high and no treatments work fast enough to prevent another disaster from happening within the next weeks. The lawyer adds that the victims have suffered from physical, emotional, economical, psychological and social consequences from the violence and that justice must be served in response.

Harry's lawyer that his client a good father regardless, that he never harmed his child and that, if the violence was so bad, then Bea Smith should have left before it got to this point of no return. He blames the victim and protects the aggressor, and by his fifth argument, Bea is wiping silent tears off her cheeks, insulted and ashamed that they are painting her as a weak and terrible mother.

The system is broken.

She's known it from the very start when she'd been told that verbal violence and psychological violence, despite causing long-term consequences, would likely be ignored in court because of the prominent lack of proof.

She's known it when she'd been told that physical violence needed to be more than a simple push.

She's known it when she'd been asked by the police why she hadn't reported the sexual assaults earlier, why she hadn't moved out of the house earlier, and why, after all those years, she'd chosen to stay in a relationship with her abuser.

The system is broken and she's lucky enough to be able to present her case to the court.

She watches as her lawyer patiently explains the cycle of domestic violence to the jury. She listens as both sides portray her differently. One argues that she's a fierce survivor who will stop at nothing to protect her child, while the other replies that she is the victim of circumstances and of a misunderstood man who simply wanted to provide for his family.

She's enraged, but she won't let anger win, not when Allie still holds her hand so strongly.

She'll choose love over every other emotion and she knows that Harry never truly loved her.

It takes two hours for the jury to debate and come to a decision.

It feels like a decade by the time the judge finally declares the judgment.

But when Bea hears it, It's a lifetime of pressure that vanishes from her shoulders.

"The court: Orders for Harry Smith to be detained in a correctional facility for a duration of seven years. Orders Harry Smith not to contact, or attempt to contact, Bea Smith and Debbie Smith in any way. Orders Harry Smith not to be in physical presence of Bea Smith and Debbie Smith. Failure to respect these conditions will result in additional time spent in a correctional facility."

And just like that, as quickly as it started, Harry Smith is handcuffed and taken away within seconds.

He's gone before Bea even understands the meaning of the sentence.

He's gone before Bea understands that the tears on her cheeks are hers and that the increasing pain in her ears comes from Debbie's agitated voice. He's gone before she even has the chance to look at him one last time.

"I won," she says absently, not quite aware of her own words.

And Bea is slapped in the face with a heavy dose of reality as Allie cups her cheek with a gentle hand, looking at her with Victory dancing in her eyes.

She won.

Even if her suffering lasted years, much longer than seven years, even if she still battles with the consequences of domestic violence to this day, even if it follows her for another decade, today, she won.

She holds her daughter close until they part ways. It's their victory, not just her own. They may not be able to celebrate it together for now, but they will, she knows it.

Seven years.

The system may be broken, but it gave her seven years of peace.

It's much less than what he deserves, but Bea knows something with certainty now.

He was invincible, but not anymore.

She is.

---

She's flying.

She doesn't quite know where she's going, she just knows that if she stops, she might never fly again.

So she flies higher and higher until she crosses clouds and mocks gravity. The sky turns black and the air goes missing, but her lungs are full of life as she drifts to different galaxies. She marvels at the different shapes she meets, and she is blinded by the stars' brightness as she makes her way to the edge of everything she's ever known.

She can't go on forever because she fears she'll never find her way back to the one who matters most.

She returns to the Milky Way, heart heavy with all her discoveries. She circles Pluto and almost crashes into a comet when she is too busy admiring Neptune's bluest colors. She dances with Saturn's rings and gets momentarily torn apart by Jupiter's violent currents. She's dizzy by the time she reaches Mars, after zigzagging in- between the asteroid belt and all its rocky bullets.

She sighs in relief when Earth appears in her eyesight.

She descends through cotton candy clouds and the gentlest drizzle mixes with her hair. The taste of her flight remains on her tongue for long after she's touched the ground again.

She's in a familiar place, but she's not quite where she wants to be yet, she thinks as she looks around. She glances up and, just like that, she's floating above the highways and avoiding the nasty traffic around her.

She laughs with the birds and she turns herself invisible when she notices a few curious heads turning to the sky, wondering what that strange shape in the sky might be. She won't let anyone call the police on her. She can fly, but she's no alien, no superhero, no villain. She's just human, and she has human emotions, and right now, she misses the hell out of someone.

She reaches a familiar house.

She steps on the ground and takes a few deep breaths.

Nothing makes her more nervous than knocking on this simple front door. She claps her hands together, as if this simple gesture could shock the nervousness out of her body. She recites a few words in her mind, and they're all different versions of "hello" because she's afraid she'll become speechless when she sees her again.

It's always like this.

She's afraid that she'll be told to leave. She's scared that, somehow, they won't be the same as they were last time they saw each other. She thinks that, maybe, this time, she won't be good enough anymore.

She wonders how long she has before life reminds her that she doesn't deserve all this joy, all this love.

A body crashes onto her, holding her tightly as a hot breath caresses her neck. She automatically closes her eyes, diving in this feeling that she calls home. It feels familiar, and safe, and so damn perfect that she doesn't remember ever being apart from this other person.

"I'm home," she whispers. "Finally."

She doesn't receive an answer, except for a tight squeeze that reaches within her chest to hold her heart hostage too. It feels like lightning striking her soul and she gets drunk in this intoxicating feeling. She doesn't mind if she overdoses from it, quite the opposite.

"You're home," Bea answers, voice betraying her excitement.

Home.

A place.

A feeling.

A person.

---

Allie wakes up.

She chases her dream for a little longer, forcing herself to focus on that incredible feeling of being able to do anything she wants.

She could fly. She could be invisible. She could do anything, anytime, anywhere.

She could be anyone.

She smiles softly at the memory.

She looks at Bea. Her heart melts in a familiar way.

Home.

---

Allie sees the girl again.

It happens a month after she's started to help at the youth shelter, on the day that marks the end of her deal with Ruby.

It's unexpected, surprising even, and it makes her freeze on the sidewalk while Ruby continues her speech about whether or not it is adequate to call the police when someone is having a crisis in the streets.

Allie sees a ghost and starts running in its direction, ignoring Ruby's questioning tone that follows her all the way to the next intersection. She can't help it. There's adrenaline rushing through her body and her heart slams against her chest. She starts to believe that she's hallucinating.

She estimates that she has three seconds before she loses sight of the familiar silhouette and she forces herself to run faster, faster, faster. She wants to open her mouth and yells a name, any name, but she doesn't know the girl's name, doesn't know anything anymore.

"Wait!" she screams, her voice lost in the wind as she gets closer, but never close enough.

She thinks she'll regret it for the rest of her life if she misses this opportunity. She's nowhere close to the old street corner where they used to meet. It's now or never.

She races against space and time until she has no more energy to give them, and only then does she stop to catch her breath. She's sweating and she can see Ruby staring at her from afar like she's lost her mind, but it's alright, everything's alright now that she's standing next to a familiar stranger leaning on the brick wall.

"That's a new hat?" Allie asks boldly, looking ahead of her at the busy street. She gasps for air and feels her throat burning but she figures it's a small price to pay to have answers to all her questions.

Not getting answers is the worst part of it all.

The girl, crippled by ambivalence and all its friends, looks at her with a smile that is tragically empty. She wears a hat Allie doesn't recognize and she has a backpack that looks like it was bought just yesterday. Beside that, she's just the same as she was a few weeks ago.

"What's wrong?" Allie asks curiously. They both stand so close that their shoulders almost touch, but the girl carefully takes a step away. "You disappeared."

"Nothing."

"Yeah, sure," Allie rolls her eyes. "I thought you'd learned by now that you can't lie for shit. Especially to me. I'm the mastermind here, not you."

She vaguely hears Ruby yelling her name but she ignores it.

The girl shrugs and looks down at her feet.

"We're past formalities now," Allie insists. "I told you I'd find you again if you left. I didn't expect you to leave the very next day I said it, but you know, I meant it and here I am. And if I have to find you again, I'll do it. Here, try me!" Allie continues as she closes her eyes and pretends to give the girl the chance to run away.

She gives it a few seconds before she opens her eyes, smirking because the girl is still there, looking at her with an eyebrow raised.

Allie sees a war in her eyes.

The words are battling their way out of the girl's throat and even if she wishes she could keep them in, she won't, because somewhere along the way, she's learned that she can trust the blonde with kind blue eyes.

"Child protection services wanted to put me in foster care," she confesses. "I think someone called them and they came for me."

Allie sees the question coming at light speed and quickly answers it before she's wrongfully accused and loses all credibility.

"I didn't," she says carefully. She knows well what the girl must have thought. "You know that, right?"

The girl studies Allie's face carefully, like she's struggling to believe her while knowing very well that Allie would never betray her like that. On the other hand, Allie's the only one who knowns her enough to care, the only one who would have made the effort to call on the pretense that it is for her own good.

"I wanted you to meet the woman who changed my life. I never would have done anything to ship you off somewhere else," Allie argues. "I came back the next day and you were gone. I was in panic mode, you can ask her if you ever meet her," she adds with a small chuckle.

"I know," the girl concedes. "I think my parents made a call to the police. Maybe they finally realized that I wouldn't trade myself for their version of me."

"What did you do when the social workers showed up?"

"I said yes, that I would go with them because I couldn't stay there for the rest of my life, right? So they put me in this foster family," is the answer that makes Allie smiles, until she hears the end of the world coming out of the teenager's mouth and everything crashes again. "The father… he's not a good man. He tried to do something, so I ran away. Ended up here. Except now, I won't trust them anymore. Not him, not anyone. I move to a new place every day."

Allie doesn't respond at first. She's repeating the girl's words in her head, again and again until she's sure that she didn't misunderstand. And the more she thinks about it, the sicker she gets, and the angrier she gets. She clenches her fists, trying to be subtle about the rage that's growing rapidly in every part of her body.

It's unfair, she decides.

It's unfair that the only place that could have given the girl a true shot at a normal life made everything worse. Things like that shouldn't happen, not to this girl who had finally started to believe she could get a better life, not to anyone.

It's unfair that people get punished and kicked out for something as beautiful as love, while others triumph for things much more horrible.

And the most frustrating part is that she can't do anything to help. She's one against a whole organization; one that is flawed despite its good intentions.

"How long have you been back in the streets?" she asks with a trembling voice.

"It doesn't matter, I'm back," the girl replies like it's a stupid question. "I'm back," she repeats with a heavy sigh that betrays her scorching pain. "I'm never leaving."

And Allie feels a dozen rocks fall in her stomach as she stares at the broken teenager, unable to say anything to bring hope back in the conversation.

The girl tried. She tried, only to learn the hard way that, maybe, trying isn't enough to free her from this life. A part of Allie can't help but agree with her because she knows what it's like to reach the sky only to discover that it was all a trick from the devil.

They stay silent for a few seconds before Ruby joins them, sending a questioning glance to Allie, whose eyes try to explain everything within seconds. Before Ruby has the chance to speak, the girl frowns and the smallest smile appears on her face.

"Is this your girl?" she asks Allie. "Did you stalk me just so I could meet her?"

Allie laughs and quickly replies.

"Definitely not. This is Ruby, she's my boss so you might want to watch your words for my sake."

Ruby gives the girl a pointed look, analyzing every visual hint that is offered to her. Dirty clothes but brand new bag. Defying eyes and unsure smile. Arms crossed against her chest. Glances thrown around every few seconds. Almost instantly, Ruby's trained eyes tell her that the girl is homeless, probably has been for a while, and that it won't be easy to get through her.

"You're her boss?" the girl asks slowly.

"That's damn right. It's her last day today actually. And you're the girl Allie's been looking for ever since she started," Ruby declares without missing a beat. "Nice to meet you. I'm Ruby. And before you ask, I'm not here to force you to do anything you don't want to."

The girl nods, looking at the blonde like a child would look at a parent to make sure the situation is safe.

"Allie?" she asks.

"My identity has been revealed," Allie chuckles. "That's my name. Don't worry, you don't have to tell me yours."

The girl nods again, memorizing the precious information. Knowing Allie's name doesn't change much, but it adds a level of intimacy to their strange connection. She doesn't want to say her name, and she appreciates that she isn't asked to.

"Allie." The girl repeats, testing the way the name sounds. It doesn't sound terrifying. It doesn't make her fear her or want to run away. It sounds like the name of a friend. She turns to Ruby and gives her a small grin. "I may be in the streets today, but Allie's helped me. She talked to me when no one else would. You'd be a fool to let her go."

Allie's eyes widen at the bold statement while Ruby hums pensively.

"Do want to walk with us?" Ruby offers after a few seconds, ideas twirling in her mind. "We were heading to the gym."

Allie frowns. They were heading to a crisis center so she could talk to some of the workers there about their job. The gym is the last place she expected Ruby to mention. She looks at the girl who wears the same confused expression on her face.

"Come on," Ruby playfully bumps her shoulder to the girl's. "One hour won't hurt. It's not far from here and we can walk ahead of you so it doesn't look like you're hanging out with a bunch of old people. You don't know me, but if I do anything wrong, I have no doubt that Allie's gonna stop me from potentially hurting you."

The girl thinks about it for a moment before she agrees, a small curious smile glittering in her eyes. One hour of her life can't hurt. Plus, she really has nothing else to do.

The walk to the gym is short, a mere ten minutes, as if Ruby had planned this all along.

The trio walks silently, each of them having different thoughts to process. Ruby plans her intervention carefully, crafting every step leading to the finale. Allie tries to guess what Ruby has in mind while she thinks of the right words to say to the teenager when they inevitably part ways. The girl follows, heart beating a little faster than it did a while ago.

When they arrive, Ruby exchanges a few words with the receptionist, shows her ID, and then motions for Allie and the girl to follow her. She leads them across the gym until they reach a private room. She winks as she retrieves a pair of boxing gloves from a small locker and throws them in the girl's direction, along with a set of protective gear.

"Put them on," she orders. "We're having a fight. You versus Allie."

"Excuse me?" Allie says, taking a step back. "I'm not fighting her!"

"And yet, you are," Ruby smiles wickedly, throwing a second pair of gloves to her. "It's your last day, consider it your final test. Unless, you know, I could fight her."

Allie rolls her eyes and obeys, helping the girl to do the same while Ruby places a few mattresses on the floor.

"One hour, that's what you gave me," Ruby says to the girl. "I'll make the most of it, but you can take it back whenever you want, got it?"

The girl accepts, unsure of how to react.

Ruby teaches them a few tricks and punches, explaining how to avoid getting hurt and hurting the other. She shows them how to position themselves, how to stand, how to move across the makeshift ring, and more importantly, how to communicate without words. Every step is important, every movement is calculated, and when she's finally satisfied with their individual progress, she makes them stand in opposite corners of the room.

"If one of you wants to stop, just say stop," she repeats for the fifth time. "If you are hurt, say it, don't pretend like you're stronger than you are just because of pride, alright?"

Allie nods slowly while the girl looks determined to do this right.

They start hesitantly, throwing a few punches in the air and walking in circles, avoiding each other like the plague. They glance a few times in Ruby's direction, expecting her to stop them, to say it's a joke and that they don't really have to fight each other. But Ruby looks at them with a serious look and they resign to the fact that this is not a test of some kind.

Allie waits for the girl to attack first. There's no way she'll take the lead in this twisted exercise. It takes a few minutes, but the girl steps forward and throw a hit directed at Allie's shoulder. It doesn't hurt, it barely touches her, but Allie's instincts kick in and she jumps back and races to the other side of the room.

The girl laughs loudly at the action and moves closer, fists slightly moving up and down. She's nervous at the thought of getting hurt, but the possibility that she might win is stronger in her mind as she extends her left arm and tries to get Allie's side. She misses by a few centimeters, but she redirects her aim to get the side of Allie's head.

Allie avoids the punch by taking a step back. She immediately aims for the girl's torso, carefully measuring the strength with which she moves her arm. The girl flinches at the blow, but a sly smile appears on her face as she realizes that she's not as scared as she thought she'd be, that this doesn't hurt the way she thought it would.

They spend a few minutes trying to land the perfect blows as Ruby monitors every movement. It's a dangerous dance and they never hit harder than they have to, but they start to recognize the best techniques according to the other's actions. They find themselves laughing and shouting at each other as time passes and a friendly competition replaces their fear.

Ruby directs them a few times, teaching them the basics of the sport and encouraging them to practice more complex movements. She guides them through different three-minutes rounds until Allie and the girl are both sweating and exhausted.

The last round has them burning the last bits of their energy. They jog through the room and take hits without holding back. They momentarily forget that this is a game. For a minute that feels like a decade, Allie is engaged in a war against her past while the girl is fighting her way to her future.

"You don't do sports often, do you?" Ruby teases as she watches the two girls lying on the floor, chests moving quickly up and down as they catch their breath at the end of the anarchic round.

"Shut up," Allie lets out while the teenager chuckles freely.

"Just stating the truth," Ruby's smile widens.

"I still don't understand what's the point of fighting each other," the girl says.

"Feel." Ruby suggests kindly. "I'm ordering a full minute of silence."

The girl looks at the ceiling, lights blinding her as she blinks the fatigue away. Her body aches and she knows it'll be worse tomorrow, but the longer she waits, the more endorphins chase the pain away. Within minutes, she's left with an euphoric feeling in her soul. She finds herself replaying the fight in her mind until it's all she can think about. Gone are the thoughts of the streets and the worries about where she'll end up tomorrow.

She closes her eyes and waits until her body understands that it is time to relax. A minute later, or maybe ten, she doesn't know, Ruby's voice reaches out to her.

"You know what I like about boxing? You can't fight someone without having your full attention focused on key element. Do you know what these are?"

The girl opens one eye to look at Ruby, but the other woman is staring out the window like she is lost in a dream of her own.

"First, you have to learn the right way to hit the other person: enough to stop them, but not so much that you hurt them. Second, you have to know how to protect yourself without running away. And third, you must be aware that every time you take a step back, your next step forward should already be planned. You're must keep moving, keep analyzing your surroundings, because if you stop, you lose. And that's how life is, isn't it?"

Allie listens just as closely as the girl is.

"You have to take risks, and you have to be willing to be hurt in exchange to get to where you want to go. You won't win if you're scared, but you will lose if you're ruthless. And boxing teaches you how to find balance."

Ruby pauses like she's done this speech many times.

"A friend of mine, Shelley, was raped when I was supposed to look out for her," Ruby narrates. "A single night, that's all it took to change everything. I almost killed the guy who did it. I was put in jail for a few months and when I got out, I lived in the streets."

Allie frowns, listening to Ruby's story for the first time, seeing her in a way she hadn't before.

"For weeks, I punched people with the only purpose of hurting them. I ran away from my sister who just wanted to keep me out of trouble. I lived in the past and forgot that I had a future. And boxing became the only thing that made me grateful to be alive. Everything else just felt meaningless."

Ruby stands next to the girl and offers her a hand.

"How about you get up and look at me," she pulls the girl up until they're standing face to face. "We don't know each other. You know Allie, but not me. But if I were to ask you what the one thing that makes you grateful to be alive is, what would you say?"

"What if I don't have anything?" the girl asks.

"You have something," Ruby shrugs. "We all do or we would all be dead."

The girl thinks and thinks and thinks again until she finds the only answer that makes sense.

"Unexpected friendship," she says, looking in Allie's direction before directing her attention back to Ruby. "Allie's helped me a lot. If it's her last day with you, you're making a mistake, I'll say it again."

Allie's eyes shine at the answer and beams at the last comment.

"See? I told you, you have something," Ruby winks. "And you need to remember it, especially if you move away and we can't find you again. I'll consider what you said about Allie," she adds playfully. "But you're right, she's a good one."

"So we fought just so you could teach us some life lesson?" The girl questions with an unconvinced voice.

"Yes. And also because I enjoy watching newbies trying my favorite sport. You all think you're so clever when you make the worst possible moves. It's quite entertaining," Ruby laughs teasingly.

They leave the gym a few minutes later, hearts full of innocent joy.

Allie nervously awaits the next turn of events. Nothing is going as planned and she dreads the moment they'll separate. Will she ever find the girl again? Will she ever have another chance to convince her that giving up isn't an option? And what if she doesn't get another chance? Was this day enough to be remembered? To make a lasting difference?

Or will it be erased from their memories tomorrow?

The answer comes in the form of an invitation voiced by Ruby as they arrive back to their departure point.

"You have two choices," Ruby declares. "Allie and I are going back to the youth shelter where I will most likely offer her to keep working with me part-time while she studies so much that her head might explode by the time she gets her degree."

She pauses, rolling her eyes as Allie gasps and quickly high fives the teenager.

"You can come with us, and I can give you the help you deserve along with some unlimited boxing training," Ruby offers lightly, "or you can go your own way and hope that the next time I see you, you're doing better. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll have to kick your ass. So what will it be?"

The answer is obvious. So obvious that the girl believes she's been tricked.

"You won't send me back to that foster house, will you?" she asks with a tensed voice. "Because I'll run away, I swear. And you won't find me this time, I'll make sure of that."

"Running away won't be an option," Ruby promises. "But I will find you a place to stay. You can't stay in the streets. You're not even an adult yet, despite what you may believe."

The girl opens her mouth to argue that yes, she is an adult, because no child could survive the way she'd been surviving.

"Don't say it," Allie interrupts her thoughts. "I believed I was an adult for a long time until I hit rock bottom. That's when you realized you've been fooling yourself."

"You'll be there?" The teenager asks Allie with a fragile, hopeful voice.

"Of course," Allie states proudly, "you just convinced Ruby to keep me around."

"Don't make me regret it," Ruby retorts. She gives a few seconds of silence before she speaks again. "So what will it be? Think you can deal with us? I'll make you an offer. Walk with us until we arrive and then you can decide. That'll give you a few extra minutes to make the right choice."

Ruby leads the way without looking back.

Allie follows quietly, sometimes turning around to make sure that the teenager is following them.

The girl walks slowly and exhales deeply, carefully keeping her distance. She opens her bag and searches for something. A few seconds later, she's holding her old hat in her hands, playing with it with a mix of shame and regrets invading her mind.

Over the past months, she had memorized the sound it made when someone threw money into it and the feeling of the soft fabric brushing against her forehead every time she put it on. She had engraved the pain in her bones and the sadness in her eyes, and she had tattooed despair on every inch of her heart.

She had made this hat her home. She had denied the fact that it wouldn't be enough to give her a fair shot in this strange world. Still, she had trusted it more than anything and anyone.

When they finally reach their destination, she feels its weight triple in her hands while the internal debate electrifies her.

"Have you decided?" Ruby asks. "Because I'm not waiting around, unlike this one," she points to Allie.

"You should know that you changed my life," Allie cuts Ruby's commanding tone. "You can always reach out to me if you need anything, no matter what you decide today. You helped me find what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's not a small thing."

"I know," the girl replies shyly.

"Of course, you do," Allie grins. "You know everything, don't you?"

Their old meetings flash before their eyes.

Yes, the teenage girl thinks, she knows everything.

Just like she knows that this is the chance of a lifetime, maybe her last chance at all, and that wasting it would be the ultimate betrayal to herself.

Just like she knows that her hat, her anchor to life, her only friend for so long, is now part of her past.

"Help me," she whispers, unsure whether she's talking to Ruby or Allie, or the shelter itself.

The words she's wanted to say for so long are finally free.

---

They are standing on top of the sun.

She thinks she might combust. She think she will explode in a pile of ashes, but she doesn't. The heat is pleasant, warm like a welcoming fire during the coldest night. There are flames licking her body gently and there are sparks illuminating the dark emptiness around her.

She sees rainbows being created before her eyes and they fly past her to give color to every object in the universe. She feels like she's living in another reality where black and white are forbidden, where instead, everything is carefully inked with different shades of green and blue and orange.

She loves that the colors aren't shy, aren't holding their magic back, because it would be a shame for the world not to see how perfect they are.

She looks next to her and finds Allie smiling at a streak of pink. Allie is dressed in blue and purple, and a few seconds later, she's waving goodbye to a string of yellow.

Bea thinks it's adorable.

She looks up. Distant stars are bowing to them.

She looks down and gasps. She's made of fire and her body is buried under the flames.

She raises her hand and a volcano shoots stardust across the distance, assembling elements that will compose the new world.

She understands now that she made a mistake by believing they were standing on the surface of the sun. They aren't standing on the sun.

They are the sun, and their love is the fuel that makes it burn forever.

---

Bea wakes up.

Allie is already staring at her.

They both smile.

They're in love.

---

It's an ordinary wooden bench.

It was installed there a few years ago, by construction workers who didn't have any other ideas in their mind than to finish the job as quickly as possible so they could go home to their families. It was placed there like any other would have, quickly dropped and quickly forgotten, and never visited again by those same people.

It stood at the same place for years, welcoming tired travelers and offering them a moment of calm. It became a mandatory stop for all of those looking for a bit of shadow to hide from the touch of the bright fireball floating in the sky. It held promises of a quick break, or of a night of decent sleep to those who couldn't afford a mattress or a roof over their head.

It was broken once, but quickly rebuilt, and quickly forgotten again.

It witnessed the birth of love and the turmoil of heartbreak. It saw secret kisses and stolen touches. It heard all kinds of rumors and raged quietly during quiet wars between its occupants. It cried with the wounded children who needed to sit to clean their small cuts and bruises. It sang along with the group of young adults who played music a bit too loud.

It was cold and lonely under the icy rain, and warm and full of friends during summer.

It was always forgotten fairly quickly.

And then it witnessed them.

Strangers timidly approaching each other.

Gentle souls that had trusted the wrong creatures too many times.

Friends with jokes and stories to tell as the nights stretched to leave place to the early hours of the morning.

Warriors so eager to discover what peace tasted like that they momentarily left behind their belief that falling in love was a curse.

And what a fall it was.

The bench was never forgotten again.

---

The sun paints them gold when they leave their apartment shortly after eating dinner. It wraps them in a blanket made of all existing shades of yellow and orange, and it covers their skin with a soft glow that isolates them from the rest of the world. It's warm and comforting, but it isn't meant to last long as the giant star slowly disappears behind the horizon.

They don't have a plan, much less a destination, but they couldn't care less, and maybe that's why they are so comfortable right now. There's no expectations, no pressure, no need to impress each other with intellectual sentences and frivolous stories. They simply wanted to go out, to have a moment to themselves without having to think about anything else.

It doesn't matter if they get lost, if they find themselves in parallel universe. They have all night to try and remember where they come from. And at night, time seems to slow, to laugh at speed and the way humans rush to do everything at once. Really, if they think about it, they have centuries to go back to their place.

There's magic in the air as they wander in the various empty streets. The enchantment pulls them closer to each other until their shoulders brush and smiles bloom on their faces. The spell brings their hands together, fingers intertwining and locking together. Nothing could wipe the lovesick look in their eyes, and it's fine, it's perfectly fine with them.

It's a walk down memory lane as they gradually make their way through familiar neighborhoods. Houses shrink to smaller sizes and the growling noise of the cars persist in the air as the two women pass by busier streets. There's a few people asking for money here and there, and strangers are lining up to enter bars and restaurants that are only just opening.

They both recognize where they are the same time, and they grin knowingly as they exchange a glance. They stop walking and they hesitate. They could turn a few corners and be right back to a lawless place that were once theirs.

"Remember when we were seventeen?" Allie chirps, eyes glittering as if they were inhabited by a million fireflies. "And we had this amazing date, and this amazing life, and nothing could stop us?"

Bea finds herself remembering a night when she went out at dusk and wished that the moon would stay forever in the sky.

She mentally reconstructs the way to a diner stuck in the eighties, with its groovy music and its nostalgic dreams. She wants the memories and the feelings, but she wouldn't trade them for the way things are at the moment.

She's no longer seventeen years old and immortal.

She's older now, wiser, a bit of a fool, but one thing is sure. She is completely smitten with the woman next to her and unafraid to admit it.

"I remember you being a bit of a smartass," she jokes.

"I know how to impress the ladies," Allie winks. "That's my secret talent."

"With a dose of rap," Bea laughs.

"You would die without it," Allie replies as she places her free hand against her chest and exhales dramatically.

They share a laugh and keep walking.

Bea skips a few steps ahead and turns back, staring at Allie with the fading sunset in the background. She feels like she might go blind because she refuses to blink, refuses to miss a second of this luminous dream. She smiles so wide that her cheek hurt. She feels full and alive, and her chest rises to meet the sky when Allie grabs her hand and spins her around.

"What are you doing?" Bea asks with an amused voice while Allie keeps twirling around her, making them trade places every now and then.

"You can't be the only one with the best view. I know, I'm easy to admire, but I want to look at you with that background too," she points to the purple sky and its dark blue ribbons across it. "So we need to dance for everything to be fair."

"Since when do you dance?" Bea smirks. She feels giddy and silly, and like she is back to being a child.

"Since you stole my heart," Allie winks again.

Bea rolls her eyes, nearly overdosing on the sappiness that is tainting Allie's words. She knows Allie is teasing and probably throwing up in her mind too, but she smiles wider regardless, unable to keep a straight face.

They skip in the streets, jumping over the sidewalk's lines and circling around obstacles. They are made of music and notes, and melodies flood in their blood like they were born to carry symphonies.

Bea resists at first, trying to save her dignity while Allie encourages her to throw it all away. Soon, they are both soaring across the red lights and the stop signs, and even death needs to step away and gives them full control of the stage.

There's another moment of hesitation as they come to the intersection that would allow them to go back to the diner, should they decide to turn left. Part of Bea wants to go back, but another part never wants to. They had their night, and it was everything they could have hoped for, and any repetition would be a dull resemblance of their perfect moment.

Some moments are made to exist only once.

"Do you want to go back?" Allie asks with a low voice.

The answer comes immediately, erasing all of Bea's hesitation within seconds.

"No."

No, she doesn't want to go back.

She doesn't want to travel back in time and create a hypothetical past, with a hypothetical future, and a polished version of their present. She doesn't want lies to govern her life anymore. She wants to taste the present as it is right here and right now, with all its imperfect perfections.

She wouldn't trade her life for another one. It doesn't matter how shitty it was, how painful was. It doesn't matter if she bled and cried and ached with every part of her body and soul. It doesn't matter if she felt more broken than complete, more fragile than strong, and more miserable than happy. It all led to this moment.

It all led her to this dance she's shared with an angel.

"Let's go back to the park," Bea suggests.

The park was never about pretending to be different people. It was always about being their vulnerable selves. It was about dreaming of possibilities, until those possibilities became realities. It is the place where everything started, and Bea loves it endlessly, wants to take it all with her wherever she goes.

Allie agrees and pulls Bea in the park's direction. She makes them twirl every two steps, and every single time, Bea laughs louder than the moment before. Every laugh hits Allie's heart like lightning and makes her feel more alive than the second before.

They walk past Wentworth. The shelter is still there, a reassuring giant in the night, a lighthouse in the middle of a raging ocean, and Bea vaguely remembers a dream she's had a few days ago.

The lights are on in the office, and behind the blinds, Bea imagines Vera and Liz sharing a cup of tea while they discuss the women's files. She pictures Bridget meeting with another woman, sharing a few life lessons with every word she says. She thinks of Will and his kindness with children, and of every person that is sleeping peacefully, sheltered from the fists of their abusers.

She mentally thanks the shelter again. It doesn't feel like it is enough, but it's the only thing she can do for now.

Bea stares at the place for a long time before Allie's presence brings her back to the Earth. She closes her eyes while she inhales deeply.

She said goodbye. She moved on. She healed. She can remember, but she must never go back to this place.

The park greets them, and the bench seems to focus on the pair as they approach it.

The moon watches them as they sit silently. A few birds fly above them, admiring the way the duo wordlessly shares their love story with the rest of the world. A breeze comes along, flowing between them without ever being able to keep them apart.

Bea feels peaceful, so peaceful that she thinks she wouldn't mind falling asleep to the embrace of the velvet sky. She rests her head on Allie's shoulder, inhaling Allie's scent and listening to the song of her heartbeat.

She feels safe. She could fall asleep, but she's hyperaware of the proximity to the other woman and the realization that's it's never enough, she wants more.

"We need to come back more often," Bea says after a few minutes.

"We really do," Allie replies. The apartment is at some distance from this place and they can't walk here every night just to sit on a bench, no matter how comforting it feels.

But she sees the way Bea's eyes are shifting from one tree to another, from the path ahead of them to the distant sight of the kids' playground, noting every detail and remembering every part of it. She sees the way Bea's lips twitch to form a melancholic smile, and the way her eyes cloud with a mix of sadness and happiness at the same time. She knows that Bea is lost in the memory of what brought her here in the first place, and most importantly, what kept her there as the weeks rolled by.

She knows Bea misses the park.

Bea misses it like one misses their childhood home, and Allie needs to find a solution to never see this look on Bea's face again because she feels her own heart being crushed too.

"I have an idea," Allie declares in a voice that tells Bea that this is not the kind of idea she'll appreciate.

Allie gets up and waits for a curious Bea to imitate her. She points to the bench, identifying it as the solution to soothe her longing.

"This bench is special, isn't it?"

"It is," Bea admits heartfully. She pauses, then adds, "It saved my life."

"Help me," Allie whispers while she gestures to it.

She grabs it with two hands and pulls at it, making it slightly budge from its familiar place. She starts pushing it a bit more, moving it toward the park's nearest exit. The bench creaks and groans, and tries to resist the sudden attack, but it is helpless against the strength of a determined woman that carries love in her heart and passion in her soul.

"What are you doing?" Bea hisses, looking around to make sure no one will hear them.

"What do you think I'm doing?!"

"We can't just take it back with us!" Bea exclaims loudly before she lowers her tone again. "What if we get caught?"

"What if we don't?" Allie replies, not moving her hands away. "We won't!"

Bea wants to laugh and sob at the same time because Allie's always had crazy ideas but this one? This one must be the craziest one.

"Do you really want to go to jail for such a stupid reason? Stealing a bench? This is weak. We'll die on our first day."

She can only imagine the welcoming party in prison. She briefly imagines people struggling with drugs and morals before she tells herself that she cannot judge what she doesn't know. Anyone can go in prison, for the right and wrong reasons.

"No way, you could totally rise to the top," Allie answers knowingly, receiving a shocked look from Bea. "You could! They'd call you Queen Bea or some shit!"

"Oh right, and then what do I do? I've never been a leader," Bea explains. "I wouldn't know how to take care of… whatever it is that women need."

"You just need to make sure no one dies on your watch. You're practically a guard. I had a friend who went there, said the screws were so corrupted that she had complete control over everything."

Bea thinks that control is a powerful tool, but a heavy dose of it can quickly become poison.

"It doesn't matter anyway because no one will know! Look around us. The world is asleep. It's quiet. It's peaceful. We're alone. Just like we were months ago. Except now, I can do this," Allie grins as she leans down to press a chaste kiss on Bea's lips. "And it's so much better than not being able to do it."

"I was alone too until you came stumbling around at five in the morning," Bea mumbles stubbornly, fighting the blush that hits her cheeks like a tidal wave.

"You love me too much to mean that," Allie shoots back with a shrug.

Bea doesn't reply, but the words echo in her mind for a long minute before they finally rise in the ambient air.

"Now come on, I'm strong, but I'm also lazy," Allie pouts exaggeratedly.

There's complete stillness as Bea stares at Allie like she just grew a second head.

"I'm not kidding. It can be ours! Hell, it's already ours and we're just reclaiming it," Allie insists, waving at the inanimate object which fate will be decided within the next minutes. "This damn thing should have our names on it! And don't you want to be able to sit on it whenever you want?"

Bea sighs, unsure. Her heart tells her to go along with the plan and her head orders her to not even consider it. She looks at Allie, whose blue eyes are full of malice, and she lets herself be convinced.

They can be outlaws together.

"I don't agree with it!" Bea hushes as she reluctantly places her hands on the bench and starts moving it toward the exit. "Tell that to the police when they arrest us!"

She may not agree with it, but she still sweats and curses and pulls with all her strength as Allie encourages and guides her to the exit. When they reach the sidewalk, she hesitates again.

"Where do we bring it?"

"The park near the apartment," Allie murmurs. "We'll be able to go as often as we want."

"Won't people wonder why a bench showed up out of nowhere?"

Allie shakes her head, her plan well set in her mind.

"No one notices this thing. When's the last time you stopped and thought 'hey, this bench was not there yesterday?' People are too busy to see those things."

The rare people that they meet as they walk down the road throw a few curious glances at them, but no one says a word, and Bea starts to believe that, maybe, she won't go to jail tonight. She realizes that whoever lives at night must not worry much about the straight and narrow.

They take a few breaks on their way, carefully avoiding the busiest streets and the places where they are at risk of being found. They hide in the shadows and they carry their treasure back with them, following a quest fueled by the purest parts of their hearts.

"This is insane," Bea whispers a few times.

"That's the best part of it all," Allie winks and smiles like she's living the most exciting night of her life, and Bea has no choice but to feel the same, to dive within those same emotions made of fireworks and drunken states.

She's tipsy with adrenaline and she loves the way it spreads around her body as she carries the bench with her. They follow the path back to a park they are still learning to appreciate.

They're exhausted, but satisfied by the time they arrive. Reflief floods over them when they realize that they committed the perfect crime in complete secrecy. The moon stares, judges and promises to keep their secrets safe. The Earth sleeps, and the pair of thieves mocks the city a big longer.

"We did it," Allie grins like the proudest woman on Earth. She wipes a thin layer of sweat away from her forehead and beams. "I told you we could do it. And no one saw us. I looked around."

"I know you didn't," Bea rolls her eyes playfully, "but thank you for pretending you did."

"Of course. I will always do that for you."

There's a devilish twinkle in Allie's eyes as she sits proudly on the bench like she built it herself. She looks up to Bea and smirks with a confidence that is so authentically hers that Bea can't help but roll her eyes in return. She gestures to the empty space next to her, expecting Bea to take a seat anytime now.

"We're bringing it back tomorrow," Bea decides as she stares at the trees around them. This bench doesn't belong in this park. People will realize it soon enough and she is nowhere ready to pay the price for her actions.

"Or… we don't," Allie replies lightly, like no threat could ever be big enough to make her feel scared when Bea's around her.

"We are," Bea repeats, trying to convince herself more than she is trying to convince the blonde woman.

"Sit down before I drag you here. You'll see that this feels exactly the same as it did before. Nothing has changed," Allie grins.

Bea reluctantly obeys, not before throwing a skeptical glance at Allie. She sits on the bench and it creaks familiarly under her weight. It is just the same, unchanged as it supports her body. It feels just as it did before, and even though her surroundings are no longer the same, the feelings remain and bring her back to a few months ago.

The magic operates, always.

"Doesn't it feel nice?" Allie asks.

"No," Bea groans, her eyes sparkling with joy.

"Liar. You'll thank me one day."

Bea shrugs detachedly, earning a light punch on the shoulder. She smiles and places her arm around Allie. There, she thinks, now she can relax.

"I can't believe we did that," she declares. "I feel like… I've gone crazy!"

"Craziness is good," Allie adds. "And this is only the beginning."

Allie smiles to herself. She thinks that the next step might be to go skinny dipping within the next month. She feels the wheels turning in her head as she imagines an elaborate scenario that could possibly convince Bea to join her. She could pretend to drown, but she knows Bea would call her bluff. She could pretend to be trapped somewhere, and Bea would have to go and rescue her. She could pretend that she can only swim if Bea is by her side. She could pretend that she's missing oxygen when Bea is not within three meters of her.

It wouldn't be so hard to pretend, it's nearly the truth.

"Don't worry, I won't make you do things that'll actually lead you to jail."

"You just did," Bea deadpans.

"They would never send us to jail for that!" Allie chuckles. "But keep that innocence of yours, it's adorable."

"Piss off."

Bea tightens her hold around Allie, letting her know that this is all a joke, that there's no anger surrounding them.

"This is a date, right?" Allie asks, suddenly unsure of her own existence. She glances down like the ground is fascinating, and all her confidence is dripping away from the pores on her skin.

Bea smiles gently and nods, because there is no other possible answer. This entire night has been a date, a real one, there's no denying it.

"But it's not our first date," Allie completes with a blink, "is it?"

"No, it doesn't feel like a first date," Bea frowns, trying to remember exactly the moment when every second spent with Allie became part of a never-ending date. "And if our first date is all about stealing a bench, I need to rethink my involvement with you."

"You don't! These dates are the best," Allie argues. "Beside, if that's the beginning, can you just imagine how much better it'll get?"

Bea tries to imagine, but she can't. She somehow believes that even their first conversation was a date in its own way.

Maybe, in retrospective, every single word they ever exchanged has been part of a script that they were always meant to perform together. Maybe, every sound they ever made while being together has harmonized to create an eternal musical masterpiece.

"I got something for you," Allie declares, reaching for something in her pocket.

Bea watches her with careful eyes.

If this is another one of the blonde's wild ideas, Bea thinks she can live without it a little longer. But it's not. It's not a crazy idea, it's not an impossible mission or a danger that hangs over her head. It's not a trip to prison or a life sentence with women she doubts she'd ever get along with.

It's a napkin.

It's a napkin from another realm, another kingdom where everything was different, and every castles were made of sorrows. Another time when she couldn't allow herself to dream.

It's a napkin with a faded drawing on it. It's made of a few lines carefully traced, coming together to create a memory engraved forever on a cheap piece of tissue.

"You kept it," Bea breathes out, trying to fit her emotions into molds made of letters and sounds.

It had seemed so silly back then, so irrelevant, but now, it seems like a relic to be kept until their very last breath.

"I didn't think you would."

"Of course, I did," Allie grins. "How could I not?"

"We pretended."

"We really didn't pretend that much."

"No, we didn't," Bea concedes, tasting the words with a delighted smile.

There is an infinite number of seconds that has passed since then.

The world kept moving long after their night at the diner was over.

They are transported back in that familiar land frozen in time, and they both get lost in each other's eyes. They think back to the awkwardness and the denial, and the fear despite the certainty that they were right where they needed to be. They remember the excitement that brought their interactions to life.

There's a heartbeat.

A lone, quivering heartbeat that doesn't quite belong with the others. It ripples through Bea's body and ravages her soul as she thinks of Allie and the way her life will never be the same.

A lifetime ago.

Bea feels like a completely different person. Today, if she had to do it all again, she wouldn't play pretend. She wouldn't act like she doesn't care. She wouldn't talk about being seventeen and disguise herself as a younger self. She wouldn't force herself to believe everything is fake and that their connection only exists in the presence of neon lights and the sweetest sweets.

She'd be herself. She'd be honest. She'd make sure that they both know that this isn't an illusion or some kind of game. It is real, and it is beautiful, and it deserves to be remembered as such.

There's a moment of silence before the grand revelation, before the obvious finally reveals itself in an almost comical way. Bea blinks a few times, snapping a thousand pictures with her mind, before she stops abruptly. She doesn't want memories. She doesn't want pictures and ephemeral anecdotes.

And suddenly, everything makes sense, all the stars align again, and it's like a scene out of a movie, the kind of scenes Bea used to believe were full of lies and broken promises.

Allie's hair is dancing in the wind, and her smile is made of sunlight, and her laugh sounds like Bea's favorite song. Her presence rivals with the space around them, and nothing else, no one else, could ever pull Bea in the way Allie does.

And Bea thinks her life is so fragile that a single word could shatter it all.

But she wishes for nothing else.

She loves its flawed truth, its highs and its lows, its past and its future, and its mesmerizing present. She loves that she is not afraid of it anymore and that she feels like she might stay brave for the rest of her life. She loves that the air is a friend to her lungs and not poisonous smog anymore, and she loves that her body doesn't exist simply to be battered and bruised every night.

And she loves that this life is hers.

She loves, simply.

She used to fear these words because they meant nothing. They didn't promise her safety. They didn't protect her from the pain. But now, she hears them and she feels them, feels the hope and the delicacy that come with them. She doesn't see them as a shelter against a possible punch in the guts, and she doesn't consider them strong enough to save her life should someone decide to fire a bullet at her, but she knows, she truly knows that they hold a miraculous kind of magic within them.

"I love you," she confesses, vulnerability pouring out of her as the last sound trails out of her throat.

She'd never thought these three words would ever leave her mouth again, but she knows now that she'd only been fooling herself.

They were always meant to come out again, and they were always meant to make her heart race, and they were always meant to belong to Allie.

"I'm in love with you," she repeats before soft lips press on hers.

It's exactly how Bea wants it to be.

---

The room is lit by the moonlight when they walk inside the apartment, unable to stop touching each other in one way or another. The rest of the world is quiet and gradually ceases to exist as they intimately face each other. Allie's eyes travelling up and down Bea's silhouette. There are questions hiding in the blue ocean and Bea wants to cry because she was never truly asked before.

She could say no. She knows that the second she says no, Allie would stop and respect her wishes, and maybe that's why, this time, she nods and leans in to steal a taste of Allie's lips. The kiss is slow, marked with a few gentle bites until they grant entrance to each other and their tongues brush against each other.

Bea thinks she might as well be burned alive when Allie's hand reaches behind her neck and pulls her closer, deepening the kiss in a way that leaves her breathless. For a second, she craves the way Allie explores her mouth and owns every part of it. She trembles when Allie's hand cups her cheek softly, moving her head back until their breaths mix.

There are decades of insecurities within Bea's eyes and Allie slowly places gentle kisses on the corner of her mouth, answering every one of them. Allie plays the hem of Bea's shirt until she receives permission to take it off. She draws invisible lines on Bea's warm skin, eliciting shivers wherever her fingers press as she takes off her bra. She reads Bea like an open book, sees her fears and her growing anticipation, and she joins her, pulling her own shirt above her head.

She stops breathing when Bea's hand rests on her shoulder for a second before it reaches to remove her bra. She closes her eyes and presses her forehead to Bea's. She shakes when Bea's hands caress her cheeks. She's in awe of the depth of the intimacy they share. She could remain still forever, drowning into Bea's proximity.

Sex was always rushed for her, always a race against time and a way for her to survive another day.

It was never a love story. Until today.

Bea leans in again, smiling as she battles Allie for dominance with an urge that wasn't there a few seconds ago. The kiss escalades until Bea's throat vibrates to the sound of Allie's moans. It sends tingles between her legs as dizziness takes over her. She can't stand and she breaks the kiss and glances to the bed, silently asking Allie to join her.

Clothes are discarded on the way and before she realizes it, she's lying on the mattress while Allie straddles her lap and pulls her closer. The blonde's lips move down to Bea's neck, hot breath dancing on Bea's skin as Allie carefully searches for the most sensitive places, finding each one of them.

Bea lets her explore freely because every time Allie finds something, a shock runs through her body and arousal drives her farther from any concept of self-control. She doesn't have time to think as Allie's hand reaches for hers, sliding it across her stomach until she cups her own breast gently, pressing against the delicate skin. She gasps and captures Allie's mouth once again, trying to convey just how much she is feeling in a single gesture, and when Allie grins and laughs against her lips, Bea finds herself doing just the same.

She's never touched herself before, never even considered it, because sex was never about her pleasure.

It was never about her. Until today.

But Allie is different, and Bea is acutely aware of the way Allie's naked body presses against hers. Allie is everything Bea never had before. The way the blonde helps her to discover her own body proves it. Bea finds herself panting and whimpering when Allie whispers in her ear as she guides their hands along the curves of her breasts, the softness of her waist and the length of her legs.

She tenses when Allie's hand leaves hers and moves higher between her legs. Allie stops and rests her hand on Bea's thigh, drawing small circles on her skin while Bea closes her eyes tightly, briefly believing she's ruined everything, until Allie's arms embrace her to hold her safely. It's all it takes for Bea to breathe again. She turns to face Allie, to face the woman she's fallen so deeply in love with.

She lets her gaze trace roads she's yet to explore on Allie's skin, admiring the body before her. She tentatively moves a hand down to where Allie's rests. She strokes the back of Allie's hand with her thumb and brings it to her lips to leave a small kiss. She squeezes Allie's hand and slowly moves it back to where it was, only this time, it's a little higher, a little closer to where she wants Allie to be, and with a light push, she encourages Allie to continue.

She closes her eyes, a hurricane of feelings destroying her mind.

Every kiss Allie leaves on her skin makes her feel safer.

Every touch Allie grants her makes her weaker and stronger all at once.

Every sound coming out of Allie's mouth makes her crave for more.

Every time Allie asks permission, Bea breathes a single yes, until she can't answer anymore, her world overwhelmed by sensations she can't identify and her voice laced with shaky moans.

---

She dreams of a white dress and a pair of matching rings, but when she wakes up, she doesn't remember.

---

It's coming to an end. Next chapter will be the last.

Thank you for reading.

A friend of mine stole a bench from a park and brought it to his backyard and that's where this fun part comes from.