"Magic does not reward the impatient or the overconfident. Seeking out a fight whether or not you will win will not prove anything. Do you understand?"
"I understand."
I did understand.
But…
The question of whether or not I would win was not the question I wanted answered.
Maybe it was silly of me to not have said so.
When I had said I wanted to fight a Heartless, I was thinking I'd just go outside the castle walls and wait for a Shadow or two to come along. Maybe a Soldier. Since it would have been my first fight, I wanted to start small.
This giant armor Heartless was the opposite of starting small.
I held my staff in front of me as bravely as I could. I was trapped inside the courtyard with it. Malik and Vander were stuck on the other side of the invisible barrier.
"Stay calm," Malik instructed. "The worst thing you can do right now is panic. We don't know what this thing can do so play it defensively. Don't attack unless it's open and make sure you save MP for Reflect."
"Please tell me you finally taught her Cure!" Vander interjected.
Malik and I answered at the same time. "No!" I blurted it in frustration. Malik growled it in annoyance.
"How can you have not taught her Cure?!" Vander demanded.
"I was waiting for the right time!" Malik snapped.
"The right time was before now!" Vander pointed out angrily.
The armor's gauntlets both flew away from the main body, aiming right for me. I yelped and ran out of their way. They both crashed into the ground near where I had been standing. Malik and Vander could only watch as I ran along the side of the courtyard.
"We'll try to get to you!" Malik yelled after me. "Just hold it together, Vye!"
Malik ran along another side of the courtyard. Vander followed after him.
"I can't believe you haven't taught her Cure yet!" He continued to complain. "What, were you saving it for last?!"
"Not very last!" Malik tried to defend.
The armor kept flinging its hands after me. Since they moved independently from the body, I was leading them further and further away from it. The main body and the boots seemed to be following slowly behind while the hands were doing the attacking. I was just trying to do my best to avoid them as they flew at me.
This hadn't been what I was planning on, but this is what I was getting The old Vye had been lazy. She only wanted nice things and attention. She saw no reason to learn or grow. She used her parents' power and money. She used everyone's time and patience. She just used people.
The old Vye was a leech. She just took and took. She didn't even care what it was she was taking. She just wanted it all to herself.
…But what had the new Vye done?
I ducked under the gauntlets while they both swiped at me. They flew by above me. I pointed at them with my staff.
"Thunder!" I called.
Bolts of lightning struck the hands. They froze in place. They floated there in the air briefly, covered in sparks of electricity.
The main body was still in pursuit, so I kept running along the edge of the courtyard. Once I reached the corner, I started following the new edge. The barrier was lining that side. The main body slowly turned the corner and followed me.
The new Vye was doing all she could to learn. She wanted to be better. She wanted to be useful in ways she hadn't been before.
She had teachers helping her along the way. Any supplies or time used, she made sure they were compensated for. But that was still using her parents' money. That was still taking away everyone's time and attention.
Old Vye had not contributed anything. New Vye had not contributed anything either.
I was still a leech.
From what I could see, the barrier was surrounding the courtyard on all four sides. I was boxed in with the giant armor Heartless. If Vander and Malik couldn't get me out, I was going to be stuck there with it. I was less than confident that I'd last long with it alone.
Thundara was my strongest attacking spell at that point, so it made sense to use it more than the others. The gauntlets moved faster than the other parts of the body. They seemed to be the primary method of attack. They flew towards me again. I dodged by stepping to the side as I ran. They just turned right back in my direction. I hit them with another Thundara and like before they froze in place briefly, allowing me to run past without issue. But soon this effect wore off and they were flying after me.
I saw Vander and Malik run past going the other way. They were circling the barrier hoping to find an opening that didn't exist. They were coming to the same conclusion about the barrier that I was.
"What do we do?" Vander asked Malik. "She's trapped!"
Malik summoned his staff. "I'm going to try from above," he snarled. "You keep looking."
Malik's staff glowed briefly, and a magical energy started gathering at his heels. The energy formed into translucent wings. Malik's pace and stride increased as he seemed to glide along the floor. He zoomed into the hall and up some stairs.
I was too distracted at the time to see or be part of this. The gauntlets attacked me again. This time I tried just batting them away with my staff. My staff had little attack power, but it knocked them back for enough time that I was able to turn to run the other way again. The main body again turned along with me, following as closely behind as it could.
Originally the plan was to learn how to fight so I could be helpful. So I could defend myself so no one else would have to. That way, even if I really was a leech, at least I would progress far enough that I could contribute something back. I could reimburse everyone who had ever done anything for me. Make all their time and effort worthwhile.
The old Vye wouldn't have been able to do any of this. She would have fallen long ago, I'm sure. I had learned and grown since then. I was with that Heartless and still moving. That was proof enough that I was on the right path. It proved I was better than the old Vye in some form. It showed that I was able to use what I had been taught so far. If I kept studying, surely, I could get even stronger and be of even more use.
But that still wasn't enough.
I struck the attacking gauntlets with another Thundara. This time, one of them disappeared in a flash of light, leaving just one of them behind. When I saw this, for a second, I thought this was a good thing. It was proof I was doing damage and that the armor Heartless was vulnerable. I just would have to keep my distance and keep attacking. Maybe I could do this. Maybe I wasn't hopeless.
But once the electricity disappeared from the remaining gauntlet, it flew at me with an even faster speed than it had previously. The other parts of armor also started walking towards me much faster.
Yes, I was doing damage, but somehow that made it faster and stronger.
I wasn't able to avoid the gauntlet this time. As I tried getting out of its way, it swiped me from the side as it flew past. I could barely let myself be aware of the pain as the surprise took me over and I fell down. The gauntlet quickly turned around and flew back towards me as the rest of the armor was catching up along with it.
I raised my staff and right as the gauntlet was about to reach me, I cast a Reflect spell like Malik had taught me. The shield went up at the right moment. The gauntlet struck the shield and was knocked back and to the ground. The rest of the armor seemed to share in the stunned effect and stopped moving. The shield faded and I got right back to my feet and started running off again. The armor was dazed but I knew this wouldn't last.
I wanted to prove that new Vye was better than the old Vye. When I changed and took on more responsibility, that had made me more valuable. Beating a Heartless was something old Vye couldn't do.
So if new Vye could… it was better for everyone that she was there instead.
Old Vye had faded away. New Vye was in her place.
That was a good thing.
…Right?
It wasn't like I could ask someone else if they preferred old Vye or new Vye. As rude and selfish as I had been, it was doubtful anyone would actually choose the way I used to be over now. Even if they did think I was better before, would they actually tell me that or just try to politely spare my feelings?
My broken heart was likely the cause of my change.
I wanted to prove to myself that it was better for everyone that my heart was broken.
And maybe… I was better off that way.
As I reached the other side of the courtyard, the Heartless recovered. The gauntlet rushed towards me first. I turned to face it and as it neared, I held my staff towards it.
"Thunder!" I cried.
Another Thundara shot down at it. Being alone to take the damage this time seemed to be enough to take it out and like the other one, it disappeared in a burst of light.
As I anticipated at this point, this made the rest of the armor move towards me much faster. It stopped hobbling and sped towards me smoothly through the air.
The gauntlets had gone down, it just took a few attacks. Would the rest of the armor do the same? If it moved faster as each piece was defeated, would I be able to keep up?
The boots moved out from beneath the main body and started throwing themselves at me. I struck them with another Thundara expecting them to freeze like the gauntlets had. Instead, any effect the lightning had was ignored and they flew right at me. I managed to duck under the first but the second one rammed right into me.
The force knocked me off my feet and threw me into the air. I crashed into the barrier behind me before falling back to the ground. The pain in my chest made it hard to breathe. The blow had left my mind in a haze of confusion and distress. I coughed and tried rolling over onto by back. The motion caused my head to spin even more.
My vision managed to clear enough that I could see one of the boots above me and moving down towards me. My panic helped me force myself to roll out of its way. It stomped down hard where I had been.
I only just managed to get to my feet to see the other heading towards me. I somehow was able to lift my staff and put up a Reflect. The boot hit the shield and fell to the ground. Fortunately, they didn't seem to be immune from the reflect stun effect. The other boot and body stopped in place too.
Unfortunately though, that had used the last of my MP and I was in MP recharge. I wouldn't be able to do anything else for the time being but run.
I put my free hand around my middle and coughed again. I pushed myself to run off again in spite of how tired I already was. My whole body was beginning to ache. I ignored it.
After I had changed into the new Vye, I didn't have to learn how to fight. I didn't have to learn magic. I could have found another way to make myself useful. I could have gone the route of learning to cook or make accessories full time. I could have learned how to work more with computers or engines. I could have gone into medicine that doesn't use magic. I could have learned how to be a better leader or representative like Vander. There were so many other things I could have chosen. So many other paths that could better keep me out of danger. I could have just let my parents put me with a bodyguard like they wanted and let them worry about the Heartless coming for me.
I didn't have to fight. I had decided to do that on my own.
Was that the right decision?
I knew I probably wouldn't be good at it. I had learned some tactics but mainly was just learning the skills I needed first. I didn't have to be great at fighting yet. I just wanted to show myself that I was taking the first steps.
If I could fight a Heartless… Especially if I could win against it, that could mean I had acquired the basic skills I needed. I would still want to hone them, yes, but I was on track. I had made a good decision.
The first big decision since my change was the right one. I wouldn't have made that decision if I hadn't become the new Vye.
New Vye could be better off with that broken heart. She could make good decisions that benefited herself and those around her. New Vye was getting stronger.
And maybe then…
It didn't take long for the armor Heartless to recover and start after me again. It would catch up to me long before I would have my MP back. I would only be able to dodge and run. If I could last until I got my MP, I could restart the process of attacking.
It was the best plan I could come up with at the time. There were not many options.
The boots caught up to me first and swiped kicks at me. I ducked. I had to duck down lower to avoid the second one, but this caused me to lose my footing and fall forward.
I couldn't allow myself the time to get my bearings. I looked up at the boots again as they turned back towards me. They swiped down at me again. I pushed myself out of the way of the first but like before couldn't avoid the second one. It hit me and sent me flying along the ground.
I skidded to a stop some distance away. I winced and clenched my teeth and held my arms tightly to my middle. I couldn't keep taking blows like that, but they moved so much faster than me, I wasn't sure if I could keep avoiding them.
The sunlight around me disappeared and I opened my eyes. The main body was hovering right above me. The cylinder didn't have a bottom, allowing me to see up into the hollow form.
I didn't know what its goal was at first, but it started moving down towards me as if to trap me inside its body. I gasped and managed to lift my hands to catch the edges of the cylinder. It kept pushing downward as I tried to force it back up. I was able to keep it slightly above me. But my arms were shaking from the effort, and I knew I couldn't keep it off me forever.
After this stalemate went on for maybe ten seconds, I saw a light start to appear at the top of the cylinder. It started to grow in size and brightness.
I realized it was charging up an attack.
And it was going to fire it at me at this point-blank range.
I pulled my legs up and put my feet on the edge of the cylinder. I pushed them out again with all the force I could muster. The cylinder tipped in that direction. The Heartless fired the attack and I had gotten it to aim it away from me just in time.
The attack ended up hitting one of its own boots. The boot was destroyed in the attack. Now there was only the main body and one boot remaining.
That had happened by pure chance, but I doubted I could be that lucky again.
The body floated away briefly. I took the chance to pick up my staff again and get back to my feet.
I had long since come to terms with my broken heart and didn't mind keeping it that way if it meant I would stay the way I was now. But my family and those around me wanted to find a way to fix it. I knew they had been doing research on it but as of yet had not found anything. There were no other cases like mine to base any treatment off of. I had my doubts that it could be fixed to begin w ith. It had been broken for nearly a year and wasn't showing any sign of fixing itself.
Suppose they did find something though. Some magic or some process to be able to mend those cracks. My heart was whole again and the Heartless were no longer drawn to me.
Where would that leave me? Would I change back to how I was before? I had been told not to worry about it like that, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to change back. This Vye was better. Less harmful. More likely to repay any kindness.
I needed to prove to myself that I have the strength to choose to be the Vye I was now. I wanted to have concrete proof of what I had accomplished. If my heart was mended and I changed back, I could look back on what I had done as this other Vye. It would be hard for me to argue what I should be doing.
I wanted to prove myself. Not only to those around me. Not only to myself.
I wanted to prove myself to my old self.
New Vye is better. Look at what she can do now. Look at the choices she's made. Where she took herself.
If old Vye came back, she needed to see what new Vye was capable of.
I knew it was strange that I needed to beat version of myself that no longer existed. But maybe I was afraid she was still somewhere deep inside me, and I was attempting to prepare myself for her to return.
And maybe I was curious to see what I was really made of. I had been preparing myself to fight. I wanted to see if I could do it.
This fight though was way more than I could have anticipated.
The main body regrouped with the remaining boot and then turned back to me. I was too exhausted to attempt to run away again, even though that's what I wanted to do.
Unsurprisingly, the boot moved away from the main body and rushed towards me with more speed than it had prior. I stepped to the side and whizzed past. The main body started towards me as well. It started spinning around, creating a strong breeze that circled around us.
I started to step back from it while turning my head to see where the boot was. I only got a quick glimpse of it as it had already turned around and swung itself at me. It flung me back into the air right into the main body. I got pulled in by its spin and whirled around before being thrown off again. I crashed back into the barrier before hitting the ground limply.
I grew disoriented again from the blow. My ears were ringing, and I couldn't really tell which part of me was hurting the most.
I think I heard Vander calling to me, but I couldn't hear him very well. I was aware of a voice and when I sat up, I could see him on the opposite side of the courtyard. I blinked a few times to try to clear my vision fully.
Through the pain and dizziness, a new sensation started growing. Anger, I think. I had been wanting to fight a Heartless all this time and I was getting a chance. For all I knew, this was going to be my one and only chance to do this.
And I was failing.
What if I really had been wrong? What if I wasn't meant to fight? What if I should have been doing something else?
Maybe I wasn't better off with the broken heart.
Maybe I really wasn't better than the old Vye.
Somehow, I suddenly wasn't worried about losing in the sense that I'd either be killed or lose my heart fully. Maybe I had faith that Malik would get there in time or save me or something. I hadn't thought it through. I think I more or less assumed I was going to make it through this even if I lost.
But I was already imagining myself turning back into the old Vye, looking back on this fight, see myself lose, and then decide to stay as the old Vye.
I didn't want to be the old Vye!
I don't know if it was the heat of the battle or the blow to the head making me view my fight in this way, but suddenly winning this fight meant winning over the old Vye.
MP recharge finally ended, and I had my magic back. I gritted my teeth in some newfound determination.
Part of me still wanted to run and return to that pattern of running and attacking. Another part of me was screaming about how I had gotten so far and now it was time to take control of the fight. Before the Heartless started to move towards me, I lifted my staff above my head.
"Gather!" I called.
Magnet magic gathered above my staff. What was left of the Heartless was pulled into the diamond shaped energy. It started circling the energy involuntarily.
Instinctively, I spun the staff around above my head before returning it down in front of me. I focused harder than any other spell I had ever cast before.
"Thunder!" I bellowed.
Lightning crashed down. I had expected something like any other Thundara I had used, but this attack was much bigger and there were way more bolts than before. I paid little thought to this. The boot disappeared. The main body was alone.
When I looked up as this happened, I saw bolts of electricity being drawn into the magnet energy and swirling into it. I vaguely remembered Malik mentioning how certain magic spells could be combined and if you knew how, you could control the reaction. He hadn't gone into much detail on how to do that.
Just as the thunder magic was finishing and before the magnet could fade, I my staff up into the vortex.
"Thunder!" I screamed again, trying to cast the same spell again.
This time was different. Instead of bolts of lightning crashing down from the sky, the magnet energy started to glow brilliantly. I saw the Heartless start sparking with electricity.
I didn't take any time to think about what was happening. I angled the staff a little and shot the spell away. The ball of light pulled the Heartless along with it as it flew across the courtyard. It hit the barrier and the ball of light erupted into a loud explosion.
The main body got caught in the blast. It shook and started to glow.
A large yellow heart floated upwards out of its body. I had seen hearts come out of Heartless before but never one that big. It flew away above the castle before fading away. The main body kept trembling before it too started to fade away.
The Heartless was defeated.
I kept my staff upheld. My mind hadn't caught up to any of what had just happened. I didn't really know what I was doing and had just been reacting best I could. I couldn't process that the Heartless was gone and I had won. I was still waiting for its next move.
The barrier began to glow more brightly. It started turning into sparks of light that soon dissipated and the barrier disappeared along with them.
I blinked a few times. After I just stood there for a few moments, it suddenly hit me that something had changed. The Heartless was gone. The barrier trapping me there was gone.
Wait, what had happened to them? Where was I? What was I supposed to do now? What direction was the next attack coming from?
My body didn't wait for my brain to catch up. My legs gave out and I fell backward onto the ground. I groaned and clung to my staff as I curled up.
I then felt something touch my shoulder. "Vye!" a voice said.
In a panic, I let out a cry and wildly swung my staff at what I perceived as being another attack. It was actually just Vander who had come into the courtyard and over to me. I hit him in the face and knocked him back.
He stumbled awkwardly, holding his face. On my other side, Malik floated down from the top level of the castle and touched down gently into the courtyard. The wings he had been using faded away as he hurried over to me. He had seen me hit Vander and grabbed the arm I was holding the staff with as he reached me.
"Easy! Easy!" He uttered.
I unintentionally tried jerking my arm away from him, but he held on. He grabbed my other arm as he knelt down in front of me.
"It's okay!" He attempted again. "You're safe!"
I stared at him blankly. I glanced over at Vander who was still holding his nose. As I looked back up at Malik, I felt my body start shaking. There was nothing to fear but was still feeling anxious for some reason.
"You're okay," Malik assured me gently. "You're okay. Calm down."
I was upset for reasons I couldn't really grasp. I felt tears start streaming down my face. I thought after winning my first fight against a Heartless, I would feel better than I did. Instead of crying out of happiness and pride, I was instead overcome by regret and uneasiness.
Malik released one of my arms and put his hand on the side of my head in an attempt to comfort me.
"It's okay," he kept repeating. "You did it. Relax."
"I'm sorry," I whimpered.
Malik peered at me. "What for?" He asked.
I tried blinking the tears away, but they kept coming. "You didn't want me to fight yet," I stammered.
Malik laughed a bit. "But you did," he observed. "You had to. It's fine."
"I wanted to," I tried to explain myself. I'm not sure how coherent I was. "I wanted to fight when you thought I was ready. You were supposed to give me your permission. You didn't but I still had to fight." I closed my eyes and shook my head in my distress. "You were supposed to say I could do it! That I was ready! I wanted you to believe in me!"
Malik seemingly gave me a moment. He released my other arm and put that hand on my shoulder. I looked back up at him.
"Fighting… shouldn't be fun," he commented. "Not when it's to protect yourself. Not when your life is on the line. Just like you've seen, fighting like that can make you feel things more strongly than ever before. Fear. Pain. Unease. Power. Defeat. Victory. If you get through all that and come out to the other side, you won. You made it."
Malik sighed. "Sometimes those feelings can overtake a person," he went on. "They'll either enjoy the rush so much they can't wait to fight again, or they'll hate it so much they will run away from future battles. They are either addicted to fighting or do everything to avoid it." Malik put his hand on the top of my head and brushed it softly. "I wasn't sure how you'd react. It's true what I said before in that I didn't want you to fight in case it'd make you be lazy. But I also don't want you to become power hungry or a coward."
I tried to figure out what he was trying to say. The tears started to slow down. I glanced back over the courtyard and thought back to the fight. I don't know that I would have understood what he meant if he had given me that talk before the fight. But now that I had experienced what he was talking about, it made a lot of sense.
I had been so scared. So focused on what was in front of me. When the Heartless had first attacked the castle a year ago, I had been distraught with fear. This had been somewhat similar, but now that I had the ability to fight, I had gotten through it.
Me. I had done that. I had beaten that Heartless. All on my own.
That had been what I wanted. Surely that should prove to myself I could do it. This was still something worth pursuing.
But I certainly couldn't say I enjoyed the experience.
In that moment, I couldn't say that I wanted to rush into another fight. I didn't think I was hooked on fighting. I wondered if that meant I would be too afraid to attempt it again.
I couldn't really decide. I didn't think so. I didn't have much time to mull it over. Malik took his hand off my head and I looked back at him again, the tears stopping completely.
"Are you hurt?" He asked me.
His question only served to remind me how my body was aching.
"Yes," I answered with a groan.
"Where?" He asked.
"…Yes," was the only thing I could answer for some reason.
Vander returned to my side as Malik smiled at me. He held a hand up and I saw a green glow sparkle around me for a few seconds. The pain started to lessen. His Cure spell had helped.
"That barrier," Vander stated, glancing around quickly. "Where did it come from and what happened to it?"
"Hard to say," Malik replied. "We've never seen a Heartless like that. Maybe it created it on its own. It disappeared right as it was defeated."
I didn't think much about it. I was still trying to tell myself it was really over.
"Can you stand?" Malik then asked me.
I was so exhausted, the mere thought of ever standing again felt impossible.
"No," I answered, shaking my head.
Malik and Vander both smiled gently at me. Malik stood up and took a step back while Vander pivoted around to offer me his back. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he made sure he had a comfortable hold on me. He stood up which lifted me off the ground and onto his back.
"Mother and Father may not like hearing about this," he mentioned.
The comment got me to laugh. I snickered and rolled my eyes.
As my gaze moved though, something caught my eye. I looked back towards it. Above us, on the opposite side of the castle roof surrounding the courtyard, was a small form. My mind jumped to thinking it was a person standing up there, but it was hard to tell from this distance.
Before I got much of a look at it, Vander turned and lost sight of it. When I turned my head to look back in the original direction, whatever I had seen was suddenly gone.
"Huh?" I uttered.
"What?" Malik asked me.
I shook my head. Clearly in my frazzled state, I was beginning to see things that weren't there. Why would someone be on the roof?
"It's nothing," I said. "Thought I saw something."
Malik turned and looked around but didn't see anything either. He turned back to me.
"You got hit pretty hard there," he noted. "Let's get you inside."
Vander started carrying me back into the castle. Malik walked along side us.
"How'd you know how to use Thundaga?" Malik asked suddenly. "Or Thundaga Shot for that matter?"
I turned my head and stared at him. I knew what Thundaga was. It'd be the next step after Thundara, after all. But I hadn't heard of the second one.
"How'd I do what now?" I blurted.
Malik smiled and shook his head at me. "Guess I'm a better teacher than I thought," he decided.
Had I had more energy, I might have argued against him trying to take credit for a fight I had fought and won on my own.
Maybe I hadn't gotten quite the result I was hoping for from this.
But it was certainly a step in the right direction.