Lost and Found
By Pyreite
Sequel to: The Vagrant
Chapter 3 – Desire
Solas hadn't seen this side of Ellana for a millennia. He remembered her determination when she'd waged a war against Corypheus. Now she was dragging him towards an Eluvian that led to he city he'd built on the ruins of Denerim. He was anxious when she looked through the archway that revealed the crowded streets. It was an hour after midday.
One of the busiest times in the trade sector.
Ellana hesitated to step through. She was rooted on the spot, her gauntleted fingers digging into his bare ones. Her confidence wavered. She tucked a strand of hair behind a pointed ear, frowning. She fidgeted too, skirts whispering as she rocked on the balls of her feet.
She brushed scaled fingers over the bony arch of a horn. It drifted upward from her temple to curl over the crown of her head, mirroring its twin on the opposite side. Smaller horns grew beneath, curling upwards to a lesser degree. Solas remembered Flemeth had arranged her hair in the same manner. Curious he reached for Ellana, his fingers sinking into her locks.
Her hair was softer than he expected, her skin silk-smooth. He hesitated, breath catching in his throat when she turned her golden eyes upon him. He pursed his lips to apologise. He was moments from letting his hand drop, when Ellana arched an eyebrow. There was a glint of challenge in her gaze.
The way she smirked infuriated him. Solas grabbed the curve of that horn, yanking her forwards like a shepherd manhandling a goat. He stilled the instant she laughed, cheeks reddening when they were but inches apart. His fingers were still around her horn. The texture of it ridged yet smooth like the bark of a tree.
Solas noticed how her face was upturned. She regarded him with curiosity too. The tilt of her head reminding him of an inquisitive mabari. He tensed when a scaled hand cupped his face. A clawed thumb traced the puckered scars on his chin. There were more upon his cheeks.
Long diagonal slashes stretched beneath his eyes to the line of his jaw. The ridges had softened with age, the skin smoothed with time. The pain had eased as he'd healed, though the memory of the assault remained. He'd never forget the weeks of healing that came after, or the inability to move his mouth to eat. It'd been agony to swallow, his throat a red ruin of torn flesh.
Light flickered beneath Ellana's fingertips, horrifying Solas.
"Nae!"
She stopped casting her spell with an immediacy he found comical. She looked up at him, apologetic. She understood why he was wary. She'd hurt him terribly with a silverite blade. She relented, her hand falling away.
"Ir abelas. I should have asked first. I thought to heal the hurts I'd inflicted".
Solas gaped at her in disbelief. "You wanted to heal my scars?"
"Yes. Was I wrong to?"
He heard the dread in her voice. He didn't know what to say. Never before had Ellana expressed remorse for the scars she'd given him. It'd happened years ago, but Solas would always remember the murderous gleam in her eyes. The blood had spilt slice after slice as she'd carved his face to ribbons.
"No", he replied. "You were not, Ellana. But these scars have been part of me for more than a millennia. I have grown used to the sight of them. It would be strange to peer into a mirror and not recognise myself".
"I hadn't considered that".
"Does it pain you to see them?"
"Your scars are a mark of my betrayal. Perhaps it is better that I see them. That will be a constant reminder of who I used to be. Then I will be less likely to slip back into the shadows of my past".
"Our past".
The moment turned awkward. Solas still gripping her horn, stopped her from looking away. He forced her head back, turning her face towards him. He was still taller by half-a-head, though Ellana's horns made up for the difference in height. He was aware that if she tossed her head, she would shatter the bones in his fingers.
He was suspicious when she didn't.
"Why not break my hold?" he demanded. "Your horns could crack my skull open. Crush my brain. At this range the blow would be fatal".
Ellana snorted, her lips peeling back from her fangs. "Still so fatalistic. You need a new hobby, Solas". She snickered when he gave her horn a firm shake. "I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't make a habit of killing my prospective mates".
"Why not?"
The simplicity of her explanation irked him.
"Instinct. A High Dragon protects her drakes".
"Am I to become part of your harem?" hissed Solas. He was insulted. "How many men warm your bed? Ten, twenty?"
Ellana corrected him with a growl. "One you conceited, arse. Revas is my consort among my own people. I have been his alone for thirteen hundred years. If having to share with him disgusts you than by all means let me go".
He leaned inwards till they were inches apart. He felt the warmth of her breath on his lips, the press of her body against him. The swell of her bosom, the tautness of her belly. There was a dragon's strength beneath her skin. Solas wondered if she'd come to him seeking more than a tumble in the sheets.
"Never", he murmured, pulling her close till their brows touched. He held her there, fingers tight on the base of her horn. The bridge of his nose slid across her own. Solas aligned their mouths, expecting to be bitten. He pressed his lips to hers, the kiss chaste until Ellana reciprocated.
There was a methodicalness to her exploration. She chased a graze of her fangs with a teasing roll of her tongue. She soothed a nip on his lip with soft suction at the corner of his mouth. Solas groaned when she slipped a hand into his hair. Her claws pricked at his scalp, but never drew blood.
He was giddy when Ellana relinquished control. He steered her into his arms, pulling her so tight to himself that for a moment they shared one heartbeat. He rocked against her, the pleasurable grind making her moan. He froze when he heard someone cough. Solas broke their liplock, his grey eyes flashing with blue-white fire.
He addressed the source of the interruption, snarling. "What?" He stared when he saw the selfsame farmer that'd sent him word four days prior. The man held himself upright on a pair of wooden crutches. He had friends too.
A small crowd of farmers, their wives, and families gathered round. All wide awake thanks to the fading of Ellana's sleeping spell.
Solas spied a mother with her hands clamped over her son's eyes. She was scandalised by their impropriety. A lanky youth leered at them with a dirty grin on his face. A young woman blushed. A gaggle of children pointed at them as they whispered.
"Fenedhis", he cursed, the blue-white fire fading from his irises. He was chagrined when Ellana pressed her brow to his chest. Her delighted laughter not preserving his dignity at all. He smiled in spite of himself, acknowledging the absurdity of their situation. If they'd continued, he suspected he'd have been inside Ellana's skirts.
"Vhenan", he reproved. "You are as responsible for this lewdness as I".
She looked up at him with an affectionate smile. "Then it would be prudent for us to continue somewhere private". She was pleased when Solas' breath hitched. She didn't give him a chance to respond, taking control with the ease of a seasoned diplomat. She apologised to the embarrassed farmer and his folk.
"I have not seen Lord Fen'Harel for many years. In my eagerness to greet him I have quite forgotten my manners. Ir abelas. I'd beg your pardon, but I don't know your name".
Solas was amazed by how she dealt with the locals. She'd gone from being caught humping the leader of New Arlathan to charming them. She didn't once let his hand go, nor leave his side. The message that she was indeed more than a friend was plain to Solas' people. The rumour mill would soon be churning across the city.
The farmer hobbling on his crutches reddened. "It's Lynas".
"Lynas Charter?"
He frowned, nodding. "That is my family name".
"So it is". Ellana beamed at him with a flash of white teeth. "I beg your pardon, master Lynas. For this indiscretion and the other day. I'm sorry for frightening you and your folk. My own people are used to my comings and goings".
"On webbed wings, milady?"
"Indeed they are. I was foolish to have flown over your lands without leave. I will be more mindful in the future. Be assured I will make adequate restitution to you and your family. You may ask to be paid in gold, silver, or in resources".
Lynas was alarmed by her generosity. "That's too much! We're simple folk!"
"You farm the land to feed your people. You are more important than you know".
Lynas returned her smile. His face softened, though there was a glimmer of awe in his gaze. He bowed his head, confusing the rest of his folk. Solas saw how some exchanged worried glances. Others backed up a step when Ellana looked their way.
"I forgive you, milady. I'll speak to my wife".
"Please do", she encouraged. "I'll return in a few days to check on your leg. You'll make a full recovery in a week or so. We can discuss the details of our arrangement then. For now take this".
She plucked at the ties of her collar with a brazenness that made Solas gape. Ties undone, the leather came away to reveal bare skin. His brows arched when her clawed hand went down into the valley of her breasts. She fiddled in there, pushing and pulling until she'd found what she was looking for. Solas was flustered when Ellana pulled out a small leather pouch.
It was warm to the touch when she cast it into the air.
Lynas caught it with his bare hands. The pouch clinked as if it were filled with coins. He tucked it away into the pocket of his shirt. His folk gawked as if he'd laid a golden egg. He expressed his thanks, a little shy.
"Ma serannas. I'm glad that you've returned to us".
There were whispers, then frowns and another farmer's voice boomed. "She was the cause of your accident, Lynas! You were almost crippled! You're on crutches for goodness sake! You should be furious not forgiving!"
Ellana silenced Solas with a look when he bristled. A shake of her horned head was enough to dissuade him from rebuking the man. He held his tongue, straining to keep his temper in check. He stayed quiet, letting Ellana lead this dance. He was appeased when Lynas snapped at his companion.
"Venavis! You know not of whom you speak!"
The farmer seethed, scowling. "Who is she then?"
Lynas nodded when Ellana drew Solas away. She turned on her heel, heading towards the Eluvian. She didn't once look back when he explained who she was. A name rolled off his tongue, older than New Arlathan. It incited a round of gasps, followed by a string of epithets.
Solas followed her through the Eluvian when Lynas' fellow farmer screeched.
"She's the dragon goddess? Oh shit!"
Solas took her down a back alley, bypassing the main thoroughfare of the city. But even in the darkest corners of New Arlathan they had spectators. Spirits congregated there rather than people, each drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Several swirled around Ellana like bright colourful snowflakes. They floated down to the ground, coalescing into a distinct shape.
Solas was astounded when a small silver-white puppy bounced on tiny paws. Its ears were larger than those of a dog, its muzzle long and thin. Its body was stocky but lean, the tail wagging behind it thick and shaggy. It wasn't a dog at all, but a wolf pup. Solas regarded Ellana with a sense of wonder when she spoke to it.
"Will you tell him that I've arrived safe and sound?"
The pup barked, then turned, and darted away in a blaze of silver. It disappeared into the wall of a building, its form scattering into a hundred tiny orbs of light. The other spirits crowding close were shooed away by another. A sleek creature that took the form of an elven woman with glowing eyes. Garbed in the robes of a circle mage she beckoned Solas.
"Ma falon. Garas".
He nodded, tugging on Ellana's hand. He followed the spirit, the encounter with the wolf pup still on his mind. He wondered to whom she'd sent it, though he knew better than to ask. There were eyes and ears among the spirits of Thedas. Their tongues could wag as easily as that of an elf, a dwarf, or human.
He was glad when Ellana didn't protest. Their journey through the city's back alleys resumed. The spirit led them through a narrow cobbled path then down a winding staircase. They came upon an Eluvian in the depths of an old tunnel that ran underground into a wall of bedrock. Solas thanked the spirit that'd guided them.
"Ma serannas".
It bowed its head before turning to Ellana. It considered her for several moments before touching her face. Its pale silver-white fingers ran from the base of the horn at her temple to the slope of her cheek. Its breath hitched when she smiled, soft and sad as if they shared some private understanding. The spirit made a declaration that startled Solas.
"Asha'bellanar".
Ellana nodded. "That was my name among the Dalish".
The spirit cocked its head like a curious hound. It laid a spectral hand over her belly. Its brows furrowed when it didn't find what it sought. It glanced at Solas turning away, its head shaking in disappointment. It asked Ellana a question with one obscure elvish word.
"Amae?"
"Not yet, da'len".
The spirit pouted, withdrawing. It waved to Solas before retreating back down the tunnel. It disappeared around a bend. Ellana felt the the weight of his eyes boring into her back. She turned around, arching an eyebrow.
"Something wrong?"
"She knew who you were".
"Of course she did. We've met".
"When?" demanded Solas.
"A long time ago".
He found that fact perturbing. "She has never mentioned you before".
Ellana shrugged. "We have a mutual friend".
"A spirit?"
"Yes. Her name was Taren. I've not seen her in years".
Solas was far from mollified. The more she spoke, the more the mystery deepened. He was worried when he referred to something the spirit had said. It was an ancient variant of a modern elvish word. The root while obscure still carried the same meaning.
"She asked if you were a mother".
"She did", affirmed Ellana.
He stated what was on his mind. "Are you?"
"Not yet".
Her answer bewildered him. "Why?"
"Babies are usually made the traditional way, Solas. But you and I haven't gotten that far. If you're feeling shy. I can still find someone else to take me to bed. The babe would be theirs rather than yours".
His reply was a stern rejection. "Nae!" His grasp tightened on her fingers to the point of pain. Ellana hissed when he dragged her to the Eluvian. Its surface reflected the tunnel behind them until he snarled the passphrase.
"Fen'Harel ghilana vir vhenas!"
The Eluvian lit up like a lantern. Its glass turning from black to silver-grey then to a clear reflection of the hall beyond. Ellana saw walls of white marble, without seams of mortar or lines of handcut brick. Magic had shaped the stone that was shot through with veins of scarlet, yellow ochre, and a dark steel-grey. She had little time to admire the handcrafted rugs on the floor, or the high vaulted ceiling.
Solas pulled her through the Eluvian into his private wing of the estate. He turned yanking her forwards till she was in his arms again. He walked her backward, pushing her up against the marble wall. He held her there, the palms of his hands pressed flat against the stone on either side of her. He leaned inwards till they were nose to nose.
He was breathing hard when he asked a question. His voice strained. "Did you come here to taunt me, Ellana?" Although he trusted Mythal, she like Flemeth had played games with her lovers. Often making them false promises.
"No", replied Ellana with the bluntness of her Dalish upbringing.
"Then why have you returned to Fereldan now of all times?"
Her answer irritated him. "Because you need me".
"I needed you a thousand years ago!"
Ellana took pity on him. Her face softening with sympathy. She understood his fury, though it'd drowned in an ocean's worth of sorrow. She could almost taste the salt, even if she'd already smelt it that morning. Solas had wept for hours till his eyes were red and raw.
Even now his sclera were veined with red.
"Do you want me to leave?" she asked with an earnestness that left him shaking.
"Nae", he whined, the anger evaporating. "Five thousand years I slept after the fall of Arlathan. In awakening, in meeting Cassandra then you my perspective changed. I wanted more for myself than an endless road of slaughter, death, and bloodshed. Although I saved my people by tearing down the Veil, I almost lost that which mattered most to me".
Ellana nodded, saying the first name that came to mind. "Mythal".
Solas gazed into her eyes, willing her to understand. "Nae. It was you. Always you. Mythal and I were allies, but she never loved me as you did".
Ellana recalled the message etched into a gravestone in the Fade. The battle at Adamant fortress had been a massacre. Countless orlesian wardens made puppets of Corypheus by the naive Clarel de Chanson. A demon army bound by magic that'd stripped a mage of their freewill. She remembered falling into a fissure ringed with tongues of emerald flame.
The return to the waking world had taken her party through a graveyard. Each headstone marked with a name and a deep all-consuming fear. It made sudden perfect sense when Solas trembled like a newborn lamb. He was lost in an endless cycle of self-torment. His greatest dread had near driven him mad when she'd left Fereldan.
"Ma vhenan", he called, his voice breaking. "I cannot endure the loneliness again. Stay with me. I am lost without you".
The tears welled then spilled over again. His cheeks were wet, his chest heaving when Ellana made soft noises of reassurance. She cupped his face in the palms of her hands, wiping away his tears with gentle swipes of her thumbs. She shushed him with feather-light kisses on his brow, temples, and cheeks. His breath hitched when she kissed him with heartfelt tenderness.
He came up for air moments later, face flushed. "Vhenan".
Ellana was bright-eyed and panting with desire. "Ar lath ma".
Solas exhaled a ragged breath, the relief overwhelming. He stepped away from her. He smiled when she growled in annoyance, baring her fangs at him. She was peeved by his wilful distancing until he offered her his hand. Her brows furrowed when she took it, though she soon realised he was serious.
Solas led her down the hall into the heart of his private wing. The estate was large and sprawling, but this part of the house was secluded from the rest. A door opened with a creak of silver hinges. Solas stepped through it leading Ellana inside. It closed moments later, a lock turning before it was sealed with a spell.
Hours passed in unexpected pleasurable ways. Afterwards Ellana lay on silk sheets in the arms of her beloved, their legs tangled. She slept long and deeply, cocooned in a nest of pelts and blankets. The barrier spell on the door of Solas' bedroom glowed crimson. Clothes were strewn about the floor like leaves.
Studded leather skirts, gilded greaves, and gauntlets were in a haphazard pile. Beside it was a crumpled black cloak, boots, a linen shirt, and a pair of breeches. Small clothes were wrapped around a cast iron candelabra. The breastband and knickers were a dark wine-red. A plainer, looser pair of underwear were a simple white.
Solas stirred though he didn't awaken. The weight and solidity of Ellana in his arms was a comfort. He slipped into a deep rejuvenating sleep, the likes of which he hadn't experienced in years. His mind drifted across the surface of the Fade, then slid into oblivion. The darkness receded until he was dreaming again.
Two somniari found each other there in a field of green. Solas lounged beside Ellana on the steps of the Altar of Mythal. The meadow before them a riot of colour. Wild flowers bloomed, bees buzzed, and a flock of butterflies fanned their wings in the sun. Birds sang in the branches of trees festooned with blossoms.
The sweetness of honeysuckle filled the air.
"It is beautiful", said Solas with a sense of pride. "You dream with greater clarity than before".
Ellana smiled. "I had a good teacher, though I lost her some time ago".
"A spirit?"
"Of wisdom".
The news intrigued Solas. "Was it this Taren you spoke of?"
"It was".
He asked the inevitable. "How did you lose her?"
Ellana was forthcoming. "She wanted something I couldn't provide without help. Now that will change". Her smile waned, the corners of her mouth turning down. She regarded Solas with a wariness that alarmed him.
"What is wrong?"
"I'm afraid you'll be upset with me".
He frowned. "Do you intend to leave?"
"I can't", replied Ellana. "We're bonded in body and spirit. You're as much a part of me now as Mythal. Although we're separate beings, Solas. We're united for all time".
He stared at her, brows arching in surprise. "For always?"
She nodded. "I will never leave you. A dragon's love consumes everything even sense".
"Truly?"
She grinned, baring her fangs. "It's too late to back out now, ma lath. You're stuck with me".
He smiled bumping her shoulder. He caught her hand, their fingers entwining. "Good. Although I sense that you are holding something back. Tell me what troubles you".
Ellana groaned in disappointment. "I'd hoped you'd forgotten about that".
He gave her an expectant look. "Tell me". He thought she meant to discuss the nature of their relationship. He was surprised when it was something far more personal.
"There will be a child. A baby girl in our future. She will have your hair and eyes. But she won't come into this world alone. She will have a brother".
"A child?" repeated Solas. "No, if there are two. That means children".
"She will be one of twins. The other will be a son".
"Are they mine?" He didn't like the way she averted her eyes. "Vhenan. What is it?"
"The girl will be yours. The boy will be my child by Revas. Silver-haired and golden-eyed like his father". She exhaled a weary breath. "I have not told him".
That got Solas' attention. Although he felt a twinge of jealousy, he was filled with pity too. If Ellana had kept this secret from her lover, it would be disastrous when he found out. That she'd shared it with him instead of Revas was a show of trust.
"Why would Revas resent you?"
Her answer astounded him. "Because, ma lath. Our boy has been waiting for his sister. You are her father and now we are together. Revas' son refused to be born without her".
He frowned, suspicious. "How do you know that?"
Ellana smiled. "A spirit once sought me out here in the Fade. You knew him in life as the somniari – Felassan. He said that he'd worked with you in the centuries before and after the fall of Arlathan. He was bitter about how he died".
Solas was incredulous. "He found you?"
"After news spread in the Fade of Mythal's rebirth. He made an offer I couldn't refuse. You once told me that I'd need a tutor to learn how to use Mythal's magic. Felassan became my teacher for a price. He wanted to live again".
Ellana blushed when he laid a hand on her belly. "This way?"
"Yes, ma lath. Revas has always wanted us to have a family. I will give him a son, though the boy will be Felassan reborn".
"Why did you wait?"
"Felassan wanted an accomplice. Your daughter will help avenge him. If there's two of them than you'll have to change double the swaddling clothes. Babies are terribly messy. So as a father you'll have to wipe Felassan's arse too".
Solas snorted. "That does sound like something he would ask for".
Ellana laughed. "He's looking forward to it. Although that won't be for several months".
"Are you pregnant?"
"Not yet. But in time the seed will take root. We have much to do before then. You for example are far from full strength. An issue I intend to address".
He paused, a tad uncertain. "What are you plotting?"
"You cannot keep the last of Mythal's magic. It belongs to me, thus it must be returned".
"You would leave me crippled?"
Ellana shook her head. "No, ma vhenan. I would have you whole again. Though you'll have to convince him to return to you". She inclined her head to the distant corner of the Altar of Mythal.
Solas turned with sudden dread. He gazed into the field of green, sucking in a hasty breath when he saw a familiar shadow in the grass. It slunk forwards with a lupine grace on paws the size of dinner plates. A gigantic black wolf with a multitude of red eyes regarded him with contempt. It opened its fanged maw, revealing two rows of jagged white teeth.
"Ma elgar'fen".
The wolf snapped its fangs, growling. Ma solas'an.
Elvish Glossary:
Revas - Freedom.
Ar lath ma - I love you
Ma lath - My love
Vhenan - Heart
Ma vhenan - My heart
Ma falon. Garas – My friend. Come.
Fen'Harel ghilana vir vhenas - Dread Wolf guide me home, or, Dread Wolf guide me on the way home.
Amae - Ancient rendition of 'Mamae' or mother.
Ma elgar'fen - My spirit-wolf, or, My wolf spirit.
Ma solas'an - My place of pride, or, My prideful place.