If I saw nicer, this chapter would have gone differently, but I had like fives scenes planned out for this entire series and this was one of them. And for that I must add this:

TRIGGER WARNING:
Homophobia and mention of potential self harm

This chapter deals with some harder issues that might not be suited for all audiences.
It is not as direct as some content that will be in this fic, so I won't be putting a reminder before it occurs, but it will be pretty obvious when it does. If you would like to skip it, skip to the break in the scene.

Other than that, please enjoy the new chapter!

Sunday

Needless to say, sleep doesn't come to us all as naturally as it does to others. There are many reasons for this.

Sometimes it's because of an immense amount of stress, an anxiety that eats you alive from the inside out. It's the sickly feeling that festers and grows from the darkest parts of your stomach, spreading its roots and making so you never have a single peaceful thought. It'll keep the worries on your mind from the moment you wake till you finally pass out from feeling unworthy of life.

While for others it can be because your brain just can't shut off. This is similar to anxiety but instead of the worries keeping you up, it's the never-ending monologue that won't seem to mute. (Quick cure for this: relax the back of your tongue. Even when you are thinking, the muscle at the back of your tongue responsible for speech is still moving. This can cause a muscle to be in use, tricking your brain to stay alert as you are using speech. And don't picture conversations, picture images. As long as there are no words, it helps trick your brain into a state of calm.) This can work hand-in-hand with anxiety, as the two of them result in first morning thought, but instead of thinking about that phone call you needed to make three days ago, it's the question of how to make your grandma's family cannoli recipe.

You can throw in a mix of insomnia as well as a sprinkle of childhood trauma for the fun of it if you are feeling spicy. But these are all valid reasons for not being able to sleep. Sometimes you wake up screaming, sometimes you can't seem to wake up at all. Either way, not everyone can find comfort in the quietness that comes with the night and the endless dreams it can bring.

For Nico, it was the way his brain couldn't shut off. (He didn't know about the tongue trick for many years to come, so he couldn't find a way to shut it off as easily.) The endless void that grew when he read over the messages wouldn't let him rest; the moment his phone went down, he was back to pulling it up only a minute later.

It was the words that he had asked Will to write that was now tearing him apart. He would flip between the breakup and the conversations they had had over the week. The endearing comments, the words of praise, the countless times he said he loved him.

It was those words that caused him to curl up. Nothing was keeping his attention like it used to.

He scrolled through TikTok, hoping – praying to get his mind off of it. But his notifications still came from the video that Will had made only days ago and he couldn't help but watch it.

He scrolled through the comments, his eyes dry and painful, but with every blink feeling like a dry windshield wiper in need of some rain, he couldn't keep them closed long enough to rest them. The light from his phone was burning a rage into his head, the throbbing earlier just morphing into what it was then.

To be falling for your best friend is sometimes the hardest form of love. It comes from a need of trust and security that you already receive from them. It is a fine line of love that when teetered too far to one side, can cause a mishap that leads to months – even years – of side stepping and awkward laughs.

Falling for Will Solace was a whole other form of love.

Will was the sun. He was needed for growth, for warmth. Being loved by him in any form meant being safe from the dark and the misery that comes from the shadows. But to fall in love with the sun, never able to touch it, Nico finally understood Icarus. He had built his wings too fragile to get close, and when he did, he was willing to burn with them, now struggling to breath as the ocean cooled his scorching body. It was the drowning that he hoped eased the pain.

But there he was, at barely seven o'clock in the morning, his head throbbing from the pain of yesterday and the need of sleep, wishing that his eyes would close. They wouldn't.

The sun was out and he debated heaving himself out of bed to close the rest of his curtain, but the energy to do so was stolen from his yesterday.

He heard his parents getting out of bed, shuffling to get ready for church. There was a part of him that wondered if his parents were going to knock on the door, but when nothing came for a few minutes, he rolled over to grab his phone.

Nico had done all that just to listen to an album, he might as well see it through. He didn't feel like he should be listening to a breakup album. No, because that wasn't what this is. He needed an album that expressed what it felt like to fall in love with your best friend accidentally but not being able to do anything about it because he valued his friendship more than being happy.

Fuck.

He turned on the first song.

Brutal.

Yeah, it really was brutal out there.

…..

Eleven came around a lot quicker than Nico had noticed. He didn't even realise when the album had come to an end and just started up again. Besides the never-ending feeling of throwing up and crying at the same time coming in waves, there was a numbing pain that came that he was able to register as hunger.

He wasn't hungry per se, but everything was hitting in the right areas that would usually mean hunger, so why not? But he didn't care. The voice in the back of is mind that had it out for him was feeding off of this, telling him that the pain was his punishment for being stupid. How could he be so stupid to go and fall for someone he could never have?

Will was a statue locked away in a museum, the last thing he was allowed to do was touch. Now that he found himself in the marble halls, he could only sit down and observe. Many other people visited the statue to worship at its feet, taking photos, acting like they knew the most. But all Nico could do was judge them, knowing that he knew the everything about the exhibit and couldn't do anything about it.

(Pro tip: never fall for your best friend. Take it from one idiot to the next, it never ends up like it does in the movies.)

He couldn't find the will or energy to move, so he rolled over and brought the blanket up closer to his neck, even though the heat was starting to become unbearable.

The light was too much, the world was too quiet, his phone was too loud. His eyes hurt, his head banged, and every ten minutes his eyes would water.

He had cried enough for a lifetime, and if he had to see all the tears he had cried sprawled out in front of his, he knew it would have been deep enough to let him drown.

Everything blurred together. Time was unforgivingly fast and painstakingly slow. He needed the world to stop spinning and everything to stand still. The only thing giving him a peace of mind was that tomorrow they had no school. He could allow himself to be taken away by the thoughts of pity for another day. Even to fake one, Nico wasn't sure if he could smile without hurting.

Pathetic is what he felt. And when a knock rapped at his door, desperate was what came next.

The door slowly creaked open but Nico couldn't bring himself to look at who it was. Judging by the footsteps and the fact he hadn't heard the car yet, it was most likely Bianca.

"Hey, Nico," her voice was soft, but he could tell she was walking on broken glass. It's not like she could break it, at this point it was minimizing the damage that had already been done, and she didn't want to get cut.

He continued to ignore her, scrolling aimlessly on Instagram, knowing he would be switching to a different app in a minute or so. Nothing could keep his attention long enough to make him feel alright.

When she got nothing in return, she closed the door behind her and walked in. A thud of a cup being set down on his nightstand was a soft dull in the mindlessly quiet room. There was a soft hum of music coming from Nico's phone, but you could hear the water rushing through the pipes if you listened hard enough.

"Hey," she tried again, gingerly taking a seat on the side of Nico's bed and resting a caring hand on his shoulders. Nico was quick to shake her hand off, the feeling of another person being too much for him to handle. He had sensory issues, and in that moment, physical touch was enough to send him into a spiral.

Bianca took a deep breath in as she kept her hand on her lap. No meant no with Nico, and she wasn't going to risk it.

"I brought you some water," she started, watching Nico's figure from under the sheets. "Mom and dad are still out." She paused for a moment, waiting and hoping for a response, but when none came, she continued. "If you want, I can make you pancakes like mom used to do when we weren't feeling well."

The slight tapping with the soft hum of music playing was all she got in response.

"You know, back when my first boyfriend and I broke up, I was feeling so shitty mom made me-"

"Bianca, will you shut the fuck up?!" Nico snapped, sitting up and almost startling her off the bed. His eyes were red and raw around the edges. Bianca instantly knew he had been crying and hadn't had any sleep all night. She bit her cheek. "For once, please don't try and make shit better. There is literally nothing you can do to make all this shit go away!"

She held still, looking at her hands instead of anywhere else. It was safe. When she finally glanced up to meet her brother's eye, her heart broke. He was on the verge of tears again. He lost all colour in his face, his eyes were sunken in, and his body seems small. Here she was, unable to do anything for her little brother.

She used to be able to make all his nightmares disappear, but what else could she do other than sit here with him. He had to figure out his own way through this. No matter how much she wanted to fix it, it was neither her place nor within her power to do so.

"I fucked up. I did. Now I have to live with this shit and – and…" Nico's voice was catching, small gasps of air were trapped as he forced himself to keep pushing forward. "I fucked up. I fucking fucked up. Bi, I don't know what to do."

He clung to her like a child. Letting go of his sister meant losing his sanity. She was holding him down on earth so he couldn't float away.

They sat there, the sound of broken sobs overpowering everything else as he struggled to breath. Bianca let him, knowing he would calm himself.

When she felt he was a bit more stable, she pressed. "What are you going to do now?"

"What?" Nico asked, the sound getting a bit lost on its way out.

Bianca pushed him back a bit so that she could meet his eyes. She held his stare for a few seconds before asking, "After this, when things are supposed to be 'normal,' what are you going to do?"

Nico was silent for a while. His hitched breathing was all that filled the air with the occasional car passing by.

Nico noticed a lot of things when he was upset. Will had explained to him a year ago that what he was experiencing was sensory overload. This was a result of his ADHD and it caused him to not be able to handle certain sensory issues. This pertained to the feeling of fabric, the intensity of lighting, and the way things sounded around him.

His blanket was too wrinkly, it made a bad noise when it shifted against his pajama pants. His clothing rubbing his skin the wrong way that made it feel like his was peeling his skit off. His fingernails felt like they were melting to his fingers and he desperately needed them to be separated. The cars that drove by were just quiet enough that they were too loud, and the sun that slipped through his blinds were positioned in a way that made his want to cut out his eyeballs.

Nothing he could do could get this overwhelming feeling under control. He had tried to ignore it, but instead, all he wanted to do was to throw something or hit something. It's how he dealt with his issues in the past. It was a way to release all the tension that was building up. If he created more noise, more sensory commotion around him, then it would cancel out the problems he was having. It wasn't perfect, but it was the fastest way.

He couldn't throw things. He could hit and scream. Nothing in that moment could have helped him. But when he had to now actively think about what to do after this weekend passed, all of the other issues pulling his mind apart from the inside seems minuet.

He would have to show up to school Monday and smile at his best friend like nothing was wrong. Will Solace, the man that brought him the most joy and comfort was the one man he couldn't turn to when he needed it the most.

What else could he do other that push it down, way down. He had no other choice. The last thing he could do was put his own feelings in the way of his friendship. He couldn't lose his best friend, not because of some silly, stupid crush. He would wait it out, how ever long it takes, for what he felt to numb itself and wash away.

"I don't know," he meekly replied. He had an idea, but that was just it; it was merely an idea and nothing else.

"Okay," she spoke, smiling as she shifted. She ran a hand through his hair and down the side of his face. She paused before cupping his face with her hands. They were warm and he leaned into the heat. She smiled and kissed his forehead.

"I will always love you, Nico. And I will always be here for you," she spoke, the familiar Italian soft on her tongue. Hearing it made him melt a bit, bringing comfort that English just couldn't reach in that moment.

"I love you, too." He smiled gingerly as she stood, heading over to the door.

Bianca leaned on the doorframe. "I'll be here."

"I know."

"Good."

And she left.

As the silence of the room fell into what it was, Nico suddenly lost all energy he had only moments before. He collapsed back down on his bed, the tears that had been dormmate now lay in waiting behind his eyes. A few more blinks and they would shed.

…..

When Nico woke up, his head was blaring and the sound from downstairs was enough to send him into a blind rage. Everything was easing up a bit, but noises were still too much for him. He debated drowning it out with his own noise, but that would only result in his own self misery.

He took a deep breath in, hoping things would get better. As the air escaped his lungs, he was left with a pounding headache and a need to cough.

Nico sat up and held his head until the pressure died down. After a few seconds, it was light enough to be able to crack open a burning eye and look around. His eyes settled on the glass of water Bianca had brought him earlier and he decided it would be a good idea to actually drink some.

He downed it a lot faster than he thought he would. Once he finished, his senses were finally kicking in and he started to realise how thirsty he actually was.

"Fuck," he muttered, kicked the blankets off himself. Nico managed to heave himself out of bed, every muscle fighting against the movements. When he managed to find his balance and the wave of dizziness faded, he took a deep breath in. He felt like shit. And when he looked into the mirror, he looked like it, too.

He stumbled his way to the door and down the stairs, praying to any god or being that would listen that he could make it to the kitchen and back without his parents noticing him. They always had a lot to say on a normal day, he didn't want to listen to what they would have to say today.

But as luck would have it, as he was digging around in the fridge, he heard his mother call out from the living room. "Nicolas, are you finally up?"

Nico cursed to himself before closing the door and turning to see his mother making her way into the kitchen.

"Well, someone finally decided to join the land of the living. I was all worried I would have to go get your dad to go wake you." She stopped and crossed her arms, her tiny frame was intimidating. "We missed you at church today, my love."

"Mom," Nico muttered, really not wanting to deal with whatever she had to say. All he wanted was to go back up stairs and block out the outside world.

"No, no, no, don't give me that. You haven't gone to church with us in months, I'm starting to worry about you, bambino. Your sister came with us last month, even though she had finals, why can't you make an exception."

"Mom, I really don't want to-"

"All the ladies at church keep asking, 'where is that handsome son of yours?' and I have to keep lying, telling them you are busy with schoolwork. And now with summer coming, how am I going to keep lying for you? The Lord Jesus already knows I am not telling the truth, and now I must come up with a different one? How will he ever forgive me!"

Run.

The voice in Nico's head was telling him to run, but he couldn't. He was stuck in this conversation with his mother about church, a conversation that always led to guilt tripping and her hoping that he will tell her that he's straight.

He didn't need this. He needed peace, and his mother was playing with a loaded gun.

"Mamma, you know why I don't go so can you stop trying-"

"But you break my heart, Nicolas. You used to love going to church and now I can barely get you to pray at dinner." She started to walk further in the kitchen, using the space to her advantage. "You know," she started, moving her hands around to lead her point through, "Julia's daughter is the same age as you and she always goes to the youth group after mass. She's into all the same angry bands as you are, I think you two would get along."

"Mamma," Nico tried again, his headache coming back. The TV in the front room was getting too loud and his mother's voice was like nails on a chalk board. He could feel it in his teeth and his fingernails were getting too close again. But it was no use.

"Nicolas, all I want is for you –"

"Enough!" he shouted. He couldn't take the way the world felt. He was angry and his mother's words were only making it worse. "Stop trying to make me go to church. I am never going back there."

"Don't raise your voice with me, young man," she shot back, almost take aback by his attitude. She was acting like Nico's anger was misplaced.

"No," he shot back, his arms getting into it. When he and his mother argued, it wasn't safe to be within ten feet of them for you may get hit. "I can't believe you can stand there and tell me you love and continue to go to that place."

"How dare you speak ill of the Lord's home!"

"Mom, I don't care that you go to church, I couldn't give two shits with what you do on your Sundays – "

"Nicolas!"

"But the fact that you keep going to that place is disgusting! You know why I don't go anymore. All they do is preach about how I should die, how I'm broken."

She placed a hand over her heart and looked shocked. "Nicolas, they do no such thing."

"Mamma, you can't seem to understand, can you?" he pleaded, his voice was shaking. Nico hated arguing with his mom. Everything about it went against his very DNA. It was hard to love the person you hated the most.

"Don't be ungrateful." Italian. Fine, if she was going to resort to that, then Nico was going to play back.

"Mom, I'm not the son you wanted, I get that. But you have to stop forcing me to be someone I'm not. I'm not going to that church when all they do is drill some disgusting, anti-queer agenda down your throat."

"Nicolas, you don't understand what you're talking about."

"No, you don't!" As their voices raised, Bianca and his father started to make there way to the entrance of the kitchen. Nico and Maria hadn't gone at it like this in such a long time that they knew they had to keep an eye in case something went south. "You never seem to understand. You say you love me, and sometimes I believe you." Nico could feel the lump in his throat grow.

"No matter how many times I tell you, you won't accept that I'm gay." There was a pregnant pause that hung in the air. It was thick and suffocated. "I'm gay and you can't accept that. I'm never going to marry a woman. No matter how many times you try and push one of your church friends' daughters, it's never going to happen. It don't want that, I would rather die than do that."

Nico pulled at his hair as tears started to fall.

"Mom, I can't keep fucking doing this."

"Nico, you watch your language."

"Language? Is that all you care about? Me saying fuck? Not that fact that you will never love me the way I need you to? This isn't tough love, mom. This is me telling you that I can't keep living with you ignoring me like this."

"I do love you, my darling."

"No, you obviously don't!" Neither of them moved as Nico's words hung in the air. She couldn't pretend to ignore what he was saying because she couldn't understand. It was Italian, it was clear as day to her. There was a moment when she tried to step forward, her expression softening.

"Nicolas," she spoke, her voice gently.

"Don't," Nico practically growled, his voice breaking. "Don't. You don't have the right."

Maria was obviously hurt. She looked like she had just been knocked down and struck again. Her son was telling her that she didn't love him. He was telling her that she failed as a mother.

"You don't get to be my mother while you continue to go to that – that homophobic piece of shit church and listen to them spew out lies about me. And you sit there, nodding and listening along. You have dinner with the man who told me I was broken when I was eleven. You sit there and praise his teachings and then ignore every shitty thing he says. There are other churches, mom. You can go somewhere else."

"I-"

"And don't even think about saying it's because it's a cultural thing, because that's bullshit. You and I both know it. Your own son is gay and you can't seem to do the bare minimum to support him. I don't give a shit if you don't like it, but all I ever wanted from you was for you to love and accept me.

"Do you know how hard it was growing up listening to that? On a daily? I hated myself. I wanted to die. Did you know that? Did you know that I woke up for months, praying that god would fix me, that he would make me straight just so that you would love me more?"

Both of them were in tears, but Nico didn't care. He was angry and he was hurting. His tears were hot. He needed someone to feel the pain he had kept inside of him for years and his mother just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was breaking her heart, he knew that. He would never do anything to hurt her, but in that moment, that's all he wanted. He wanted her to break, to snap in half. And he was almost there.

"I felt like a piece of shit because of you. I wanted to die because you didn't care enough about me to make the minimal effort."

"I love you, Nicolas."

"No, you don't. You never did. Because if you did, then you would have seen how much I loved you. That should have been enough. But it wasn't."

No one moved. Nico wasn't sure he even could. His legs were cement and his spine threatened to snap if he so much as twisted it. It was all too much. He didn't dare move.

He could see his sister at the bottom of the stairs, gripping the railing till her fingers turned white, but he didn't fully process that she was there. His father was seconds away from running in the middle of the fight, but Nico knew his anger would turn to him next if he did. He needed at least one parent on his side.

His mother was sobbing, all her makeup was running down her face. Her age was showing as it settled into the lines on her face from years of smiling and being in the sun. She was a mess and Nico felt a twinge of guilt that he felt joy when he saw her. He made her like this, and he hated that he loved it. He was in pain and he needed someone else to feel it.

His eyes stung and he was no longer wanting to be in that room. He thought he was going to throw up.

For a moment, he was hyper aware of his size. He had always been shorter than his family, but since sophomore year, he had quickly surpassed his mother and sister and was up to his father's eyeline.

For a split second, Nico knew he could break his mother. He had never been aware of himself as much as he was there. She was so tiny, so fragile. And he could break her like a twig.

"So don't ask me why I never go to church, because you know the fucking reason." He grabbed an apple from off the counter and pushed passed her. His mother flinched when he did, almost like she was scared he was going to hit her.

He didn't make eye contact with his father as he passed him and barely acknowledged his sister as he went up the stairs. He needed to get out before he did something worse or had a break down. That last thing he needed was to show any signs of weakness.

He whipped away his tears once he was out of sight. As soon as he was in the safety of his room, he slammed the door before his breathing picked up, all the adrenaline leaving his system. He couldn't breathe and the walls were caving in.

Nico sunk down, leaning against the door to keep his weight steady. He wrapped his arms around his body, hoping it was enough to make the room stop spinning, but all it did was show him how alone he was.

Will.

He needed Will.

He always had him when things like this would occur, but now…

Alone.

That's how he felt leaning against his door, his body shaking as it fought to get him back inline. He was breaking down and he was utterly alone.

…

Somewhere between slamming the door and waking up, Nico had managed to find himself back in his bed. His entire body was sore and he felt like he was hit by a truck. Every muscle in his body wanted him to go back to sleep but his mind wouldn't let him.

He wanted this day to be over so badly he was willing to do anything.

As he laid there, listening to every noise that managed to find its way into his room, there was a knock at the door. Judging by the footsteps he heard seconds ago, it was his father.

"Nico?" he heard, his father's voice low and timid. It was something he never heard before.

When he got no response, he knocked one more time before slowly opening the door. Couldn't he get any privacy in this house without everyone just entering his room whenever they wanted?

"Nico, are you asleep?" his father called again. It felt weird to hear him like he was walking on eggshells. His father always came in like a booming presence no matter what the situation was.

Nico groaned and pulled the blanked up over his face.

"Go away," he mumbled, knowing his dad probably couldn't understand him but got the gist of it.

There was a heavy sign as the side of his bed dipped. Nico knew he had created damage when his father was careful not to bother him as he took a seat on the side of his bed.

"Nico," he started, taking a deep breath in. It sounded like he was carefully picking out his words, knowing that what he said could start another fight. "I don't admit to understanding everything you are going through, And to be fair, I should be more aware of what is going on in your life, but-" he took in another breath, shifting. "But – I think you should go easy on your mother."

Nico scoffed at that. Did his father really come in just to try and defend his mother after all that? He knew he was way out of line, but nothing he said was a lie.

Nico sat up and looked his dad over. He looked just as bad as he assumed the rest of the family was feeling. He looked old. His face was being pulled down by the weight of gravity and the years he's lived. His gray hair no longer holding any regal dignity, now they just looked scraggly. His beard was flying in all directions, no longer styled neatly. There was almost a smile that pulled on Nico's lips knowing he caused it.

"You can't seriously be defending her right now," he said, almost wanting to laugh. And if his father didn't look as broken as he did, he probably would have.

"Nico, she is trying her best."

"No, there is no excuse for what she's done. I am tired of making excuses after excuses for how she treats me." Nico watched his fathers face for any shift to indicate how he was feeling, but like himself, his father had a killer poker face. "You keep making excuses for her, dad. You know what she says is wrong and not okay, but you continue to let her. I know you love her, but love isn't enough here. Not for the shit she's spewing."

"Nico."

"No, don't 'Nico' me. I'm not a child, I'm not going to sit by and let this shit continue. I am so sick and tired of keeping my life so secretive, and not because I'm doing anything bad. I can't tell you guy's shit. You always get mad at me for keeping to myself but why do you think that is? I literally can't tell you anything without it blowing up in my face.

"I have so much going on in my life right now, thing's I need my parents for, but I can't talk to you about any of it. I think the only person in this house that had any idea of what's going on is Bianca, and that's because she doesn't judge me for the shit I do. She doesn't make me feel like ass because I fucked up. I can tell her things and she won't turn around and tell everyone she knows. She's not going to break my trust. I wish I had my parents, God, I fucking do. But what do you expect of me?"

When his father said nothing, he shook his head, looking anywhere but at him. He knew he had the same judging eyes as his father, so he couldn't dare try to guess how his mother was feeling if this was the trashy wave of guilt he was getting from just looking at his dad.

"Nico," he spoke, this time after a solid minute of silence. "I am so sorry we weren't there for you the way you needed us to be. I take that responsibility all on my own. I know I wasn't a good father to you, I-" he paused, it sounding like his voice hitched. Nico had never seen his father cry, and for a split second, he thought that maybe that was going to change. "I failed you."

"Yeah, you did." Nico fiddled with his hands before looked back up at his father. "I know Bianca is your favorite-"

"That is not true."

"You don't need to hide it. I've known growing up. It's fine."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, son."

"I just," Nico looked up at the ceiling, wondering if now was a good of a time as any to try and connect with his father, "I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I'm so stressed and confused and I have no one to turn to."

His father took a deep breath in and straightened his back, his brow scrunching together as he thought something over.

"Now, I will admit, I'm not the best with the fatherly advice – God knows your sister and mother are the experts in that field, but I think you have to really take a step back and see where you want to see yourself. I didn't know where my life was headed when I was your age, so don't try and push it. It's okay to take some time and think things through, but don't lose focus of those you already know."

There was a pause between them before Nico said, "That was the worst advice I've ever heard, please, never do that again."

A light chuckled washed over the room, lightening the mood. Nico's shoulders relaxed a bit before he looked down at his hands again.

"Listen," his father spoke again. "I might not be the best to help you out, but – if you ever need someone to just rant to, my door is always open. Trust me, I won't give you unsolicited advice." With a nod, he stood up, dusting himself off like there was lint on his pants. "Now, I'm going to go back down stairs, want me to bring you dinner up here when it's done?"

Nico smiled softly and nodded.

"Okay," his father said gently, his face returning to its normal state of judgement. He clapped his hands and looked around, signaling an end to this painful interaction. "I will… talk to your mother. No matter what, I love you, son."

"I love you, too." Nico felt weird saying it. There wasn't much "I love you"s in their household, especially with his father. All forms of admiration and affection were shown through actions, not words. But hearing it from his dad didn't sound as foreign as he thought it would be. It was rough, and held weird, but it didn't make him want to spit the words out. Maybe things were going to get better between them finally.

With a nod, his father reached for the door and made his leave.

Nico had expected his father to voice his disapproval of his actions earlier, make him feel like shit for what he said to his mother. And while yes, he would have deserved every word of it, Nico was sure it would have led to him lashing out at his father even more.

He genuinely thought he would have told his father to fuck off, but instead he approached him with a caution Nico hadn't seen his dad take with anyone.

His father was a lawyer. Being cold and calculated was his natural state. Growing up, your arguments had to have base and claim for them to be brough up, on top of his family's traditional values. Being silent and compliant was all he had ever known. You couldn't tell them they had messed up or that you needed help. That's why he always relied on his sister for help. She didn't judge, she didn't over analyze everything.

While he sat there, still feeling like absolute shit, at least his chest moved a little easier.

….

When you isolate yourself from everyone you care about and those who care about you, people start to notice a change in your patterns almost immediately.

The first person to send a text was Piper. Nico had greatly ignored every message he received, but it was about dinner time when Piper had started spamming him, demanding to know what was up.

Him and Piper had an unspoken rule about not answering text messages, especially since both of them knew they were on their phone's majority of the time. Especially when something big had happened before, she needed to know, and not hearing anything was enough to send her off the edge.

Everyone has a Piper, the person who would first notice your absence.

Of course, Nico did what he all he could manage to bring himself to do and ignored it. Every single text, snap, and DM. Nothing was opened.

Piper was someone he never ignored. The second one being Will.

Will had sent him his usual morning messages (unanswered) as well as several texts at eleven (unanswered) three pm (unanswered) and right around supper (unanswered).

Getting distant and not responding was something Will was used to with Nico. He didn't do it often, but when he did, Will always gave him some space up to a certain time frame before starting to check in and make sure he's okay. So going a day of ignoring isn't out of the blue for him. Nico didn't have to worry about him coming knocking, demanding to know why none of his texts has been answered.

He wouldn't know how to deal with himself if he did.

Getting bored with the same three apps he was used to scrolling through to help numb his mind, he pulled up Snapchat, knowing it was about time to at least open them. If he didn't, they would be left unanswered until God knows when.

He let the photos and videos glide through, knowing he couldn't handle that right now. He tapped a few times before he pulled up the conversations Will was having by himself.

Sunshine Boy
Morning
You know, sometimes I wonder what things would be like if we let everything up to chance.
Like, imagine if they picked the president like they do jury duty
OR
There's one dude chosen to go to the Olympics with all the other superhuman athletes but hes just some dude from Ohio.
Idk, just weird morning thoughts.

Sunshine Boy
Yo, okay so,
I saw this dog a few hours ago that reminded me of our sophomore English teacher
Remember her?
like I swear the dog had the same scrunched up face and everything
When I tell you I think this dog was seeing into my soul and knew when I would die
I'm not joking.

Sunshine Boy
I know you're probably busy but
I was thinking this summer we could take a road trip to NC
I really want to check out the Duke campus before I make my final decision, you know?
I thought it would be something we could do with maybe Piper and Jason before they head out
not sure if they want to go together tho…
Maybe bring hazel and frank then.
I don't care!
Even if its just you and me dude
we could make a week out of it!
Just think about it.

Sunshine Boy
Hey so…
I'm assuming you just haven't gotten around to opening these yet
Which is fine!
Don't think this is some sort of pressure, I'm just messaging you really cause I'm bored.
Not that youre like the last thing I want to be doing
MESSAGING
I totally worded that wrong, plz ignore
anYWAYs
Im gonna be honest, I had a point to messaging you but I completely forgot
just let me know on the Duke thing tho,
that's actually important.
Hope your Gucci
I am never saying that again
Okay ill stop, your notifications must be annoying you
bye

Sunshine Boy
Did you hear that buzzfeed unsolved is ending?
Why am I only just hearing about this?
I feel so betrayed dude... :(

It hurt.

It fucking hurt and Nico didn't think he could do this. Just stupid, mindless messaging from Will was enough to make him want to throw himself down the stairs and pray to never wake up. He wanted to throw up and pass out. Sitting under a cold shower in the middle of winter was better than whatever the fuck he was feeling in that moment.

He was in too deep and he was fucked.

You
Dude
I can't do this

Pipes
I swear to god if this is your suicide note its pretty fucking lame.

You
It might as well be.
I swear im dying over here

Pipes
lemme guess
Im a genius and was right about everything
and you fucked up big time and now ur suffering?

You
I-
Bitch
How did you?

Pipes
You promised to message me first thing after your "date" ended
And I haven't heard jack shit
and now ur ignoring me
and being all depressing and suspicious in your texts
either someone died or something happened yesterday
and you are way too sad for someone dying
so what the fuck happened that left you like this?

You
i-
fuck pipes
i-
Idk what Im doing

Pipes
What else is new?
Anyways
Did Will do something?
Did YOU do something?
C'mon man, don't leave me hanging

You
I think I fucked up

Pipes
care to elaborate on that? Cuz ur giving me jack shit dude

You
God this is so fucking hard
i-
I think I have a crush on Will
Pipes?
Um,,,,,
Pipers
?

Pipes
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
DUDE
BRO
I-
I FUCKNIG CANT
ITS ABOUT FUCKIG TIME

You
what,?
what do u mean?

Pipes
NO ITS LIKE
ITS NOT LIKE WE WERE ALL HOPING IT WOUL HAPPEN
I MEAN ME AND LIKE HAZEL
OBVI
BUT LIKE
WE WERE LOW KEY WONDERING IF YOU GUYS WOULD EVER MAKE A MOVE ON EACH OTHER
AND WE WERE STARTING TO THINK YALL WERE JUST VIBING THROUGH IT
YOU KNOW?

You
WAIT
were u guys like
betting that Will and i?
But Wil doesn't,,

Pipes
OKAy
Okay so
we weren't like betting or anything
we were just so sure yall had a thing for each other last year
but obvi that wasn't tru cuz u would have fucknig told me
but we thought mAybE you would hook up? Idk
Its weird to describe
basically we were like
"yall are both gay, u gon do smth?"
and then you didn't.
so we just went on with our day, u know?
so we didn't think yall would like get together, just idk? Try smth

You
u guys are so fucking weird
but now I'm fucked
cuz weve been through this, he doesn't like me like that
and now im royally fucked cuz I had to go and fall for my best friend
all because of some joek that I took too far
so it's my fault I guess.

Pipes
Hey dude
youre gonna be all Gucci, u know?
trust me, I'll make sure of it.

You
aight
jst
I feel like shit
so im gonna go back to bed

Pipes
YOU BETTER BE LISTENING TO THAT DAMN ALBUM YOU DUMB BITCH
MAKE THIS SHIT WROTH IT
I bet its really hitting

You
yah,,
on repeat all day,,
other shit also happened today so Ive been all over the place mentally
Ill
ill let you know if shit gets worse
or something
I guess
anyways
night

Pipes
you fucking better!
and please dude
seriously, im here if you need me
and let me know if you wanna talk about it
k?

You
k
night

Pipes
Night neeks

Nico turned off his phone. He knew he should have sent Will a reply, obviously he was expecting him to message him today. He felt a little bad, but he couldn't find the energy to do so. Just opening them and reading the messages was enough to knock him out.

He stared up at the ceiling, the music still softly humming though his phones speakers. One thing's for sure, the album really was made for this kind of situations. Even if things didn't line up fully, God did it help.

The rest of the day slowly faded, as Olivia Rodrigo's vocals lulled him to sleep. The deepness of a dreamless night was the greatest feeling he could ever imagine. He was in between being dead and alive. All he needed was for time to stop and everything would have been perfect. But much to his luck, time passed as the cold warms of sleep took him.

Please don't be mad, this is an angst fic after all. Well. Fake dating but same thing.

Actually you know what, be mad. I like hearing how angry y'all are that I have to wait a week until the next chapter.

I'm back to semi regular writing bc these chapters are shorter so I'm back at being ahead of schedule. Almost had to push some of the dates back bc of it!

Also I work at Starbucks (struggling actor life but u know how it is) and I legit punched in Will and Nicos order to get the total and I was only off by a bit so I might actually change it to be accurate.

ANYWAYS!

i'm still iffy about this chapter, but eh, it be like that some times.

If you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know your thoughts and feelings. I love hearing from you! Makes me know I'm going in the right direction. This really is a fic I'm making so you can reread it and notice more things, so hearing ur first thoughts compared to when it's finished is gonna be a blast.

Enough about me!

This fic will deal with heavier issuing as it goes along, so please let me know ur thoughts and how it's coming across. I don't want it to be cheesy or over step. I will be properly labeling everything to come as well so no need to worry!

Until next Monday

Kitty