Sour

by skitty-chi

When Piper told Nico that her and Jason broke up, the last thing Nico expected was for it to lead directly into fake dating his best friend, Will Solace, as a joke. But as the days pass, is the pain in his chest really worth listening to a breakup album with Piper, or is he going to end up relating a little too much to the music?

8. Monday

A/N:I hope you know you guys got like a month of torture left, right?

Also, something I really wanna explore in this fic is realistic responses to ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety and what comes with them. As someone who experiences them, it's often a hard thing to put into words and with Nico canonically having them and many more, it's nice to explore them through this lens.

also, the only chapter on monday and i couldn't even post it on monday.

Enjoy!

---

Monday

By Monday, Nico was glad breakup albums existed. He didn't have to explain to anyone how he was feeling, especially even when he didn't fully understand.

He felt stupid, though. It wasn't a real breakup. They hadn't even had a real relationship, but the pain he felt was real. A part of him wished he could have enjoyed it more. Could have understood what he was going through so that when the time came, he didn't push of Will's (fake) advances and instead play into it. Stupid was a great word for how he felt.

His room is where he felt the safest. His mother hadn't tried to speak with him after the incident. The only contact he made with his father after his check-in was when he brought him his dinner. Nico knew things really had gone down if his mother was letting him eat dinner in his room. It was tradition that everyone had to eat at the table, and you had to be dead or dying to avoid it.

Bianca had skipped out on dinner at the table only once when she had surgery to get her appendix removed, and it was only because the doctors told her Bianca needed to be on bedrest in recovery and she was on so much medication, she could barely go to the washroom by herself. Nico loathed her that week.

But when Nico finally got the energy to go pee, his bladder screaming at him to empty itself, he had half the album already memorized, the lyrics scratching at his brain and the melody a hum in his throat. All things considered, it really made things a lot easier. And the lyrics really spoke to him in a way he wasn't sure they were going to.

As he washed his hands and headed back to his room, he caught his phone buzzing and grabbed it. It was a message from Thalia, Jason's sister.

Nico smirked a bit to himself as he wondered why she would be messaging him. They hadn't spoken in a long time, and when they did, it was always the most random conversations. Sometimes she would find a record she was sure he would love, other times it was random graffiti. No one really understood their friendship, but it was unique none-the-less.

When he swiped open the messages, he tossed himself back on the bed, noticing that maybe he should change his shirt. It was starting to smell.

---

Thalia

Dumb bitch

Eat my ass
you going to mcdonalds?

Yee

Happy meal
bitch

Fuck you
nuggets?

ye

Today 11:36

This you?

---

Attached was a screenshot of Nico's Spotify, showing that he had been listening to Sour.

---

What about it?

Dude
for five hours?

And?

R u ok?

That
that is a loaded question if im being honest

i-
care to explain?

I actually would not
thank you very much
gonna live in ignorant bliss

Biphobia but go off
but like really,,
what happened?

Why does something need to happen to listen to olivia Rodrigo?

Dude
seriously?

Ye

No one just listens to a breakup album on repeat for HOURS
if they aint going through it

I am always going through it

But a breakup album?
dude seriously
before I text jay

You do that and im jumping out of my window

Weve done that before
you'll live

Toster in bath
aLL IM SAYING Is
plz don't text Jason
I don't need him asking question

So he would know whats up?

Theoretically yes
but we all know how dense he is

Cool
yeah hes an idiot
at least hes cute I guess
if ur into that

eh
not my type

don't blame u
so
r u going to tell me or am I gonna have to ask ur sister

….
fuck

There it is
so if Jason would know and bi would too
something serious?
like what?
get a boy friend?
nico?
BRO DID U GET A BOYFRIEND AND NOT TELL ME?
BITCH U BETTER RESPOND OR IM TEXT BI

NO
I didn't GET A BOyfRIEnd
god

Then what is it?!
dude I gotta know

….
so umm
I might have messed up something,

Oh god
is this a fruity issue or,,,

I hate that u phrased it like that

So im right?

,
yeah

Fuck man, what the fuck happened and why haven't I been informed?
u got like, four queer friends and im like two of them
why am I just hearing about ur gay issues now?
who is he?

To be fair I wasn't gonna tell anyone

Does piper know him?
I trust her vibe check
does will?

---

Nico stared at his phone, watching the line blink, waiting for him to respond. Thalia would be the best person to help him sort out the thoughts that were berating him. He needed clarity and Thalia had always helped him, especially on queer issues.

She wouldn't judge him, might laugh at him, but never judge. He needed someone a little more skilled in this department, and the only other person he knew was Will, and he was avoiding that shit show with a ten-foot pole.

---

Today 11:59

Nico

Thal
I really need ur help on this

Oh god,
please tell me nothing bad happened?
did he do something to you
cuz I swear to fucking god

NO
GOD NO
Nothing bad happened!

Thank god
cuz it would be on sight
also the dude would have to deal with Will and Jason first
cuz im a little far away rn

Thal
I need u to not judge me

No promises
but I am here for u

So
um
yesterday Will and I hung out
you see it was because of a joke

What about will?

Because I asked him to fake date me
so I could listen to the album
u know, jokingly
as friends

Oh no
nico
nico u didn't
is
is this the boy trouble?
are u freaking serious?
NICO

He just kept flirting with me,,,
and I,

Nope
no
DUDE
R u fucking telling me you've been depressed because u asked Will to date u and u actually got feelings for him?
Is this the shit Im hearing?
And then what?

I
he "broke up" with me
like we planned
and i

I can't fucking believe this shit
dude are u serious?
And that's why your listening to that?
because ur a dumb bitch who got fake dumped by a boy u didn't realise u liked?
am I hearing this shit right

You promised not to judge me

Im not
im just calling it like im seeing it.
So u like will
that's what I'm getting at

Ya

And what are you going to do about it?

Idk
ignore it

U r so stupid
okay heres what were not gonna do
that
got it?

K

Good.
now
does he know?
that u like him?

No
but I want to keep it that way

Why?

Bc I don't want to fuck up our friendship
I already saw what happened to piper and jay
I really don't want to lose him
or make things awkward
thalia
I care about him so much
this was so fucking stupid

Im glad ur finally seeing that

I just
I love him you know?
he's my best friend
he means so much to me
I can't lose him
this is why we never did anything
even as a joke
cuz we didn't want anything to happen between us
Thalia I cant lose him because of a stupid fucknig crush
I cant tell him I have these gross disgusting feelings for him because it'll ruin everything.

Neeks
nothing is gonna happen if u don't do anything about it
fucking ignoring it is only gonna cause more pain on ur end
and obviously it's already interfering with ur friendship cuz ur what?
ignoring him I assume?

Kinda

Don't kinda me
I know for sure u are ignoring him
and he probably think he fucked up
what happened?
last night?

We umm
went to the carnival then to the beach. After that we went out for dinner
dude this restaurant was so nice like. I swear to god a glass of water cost more than my fucking shoes there. It was almost too nice.
and then we went back to the carnival and we fucked around some more. Like we went on the farris wheel and shit. He even convinced me to go on the stupid swings. I hated it. But god was it the best time of my life
and then
um
idk something weird happened I guess?
and then we went driving and ran around that park we all used to meet up at and hang out when u were in high school.
we uh, just hung out and talked. The entire day
Thal it was the most fun ive had in so fucking long
and he,,

….
You are so fucking stupid

he said somethings that I don't know were serious or if it was bc of the whole fake dating thing. But…
he just means so much to me
and fuck
when he kissed me

HE FUCKING WHAT

God thought I was going to die
yeah,,
only on the cheek tho,

I am in physical pain rn
I can't believe you two are so fucknig stupid
I don't give a shit if it was on ur fucking shoulder dude
ur sitting here telling me that you wont tell ur best friend u have a crush on him after he agreed to be ur fake boyfriend for a date, only to take you out on what I can only assume is one of the greatest first dates in history, for it to end in him kissing you on what? Ur fucking porch?
Nico
if u don't tell him u like him, I literally cant help u

I don't know what to do

U fucKING TELL HIM THAT'S WHAT
im not playing here
nothing is going to happen if u don't say anything
either u suffer in silence and deal with he fact that nothing will ever come of this because u r too much of a coward to be honest with literally the only man I know who willingly puts up with ur bull shit and has since the start
OR
u get off ur ass and tell him. And maybe u can have some mutual understanding of what is about to occure.

But he doesn't like me like that
weve stated this before

And so what? Don't u think hell be a little hurt if u keep this from him?
he is literally ur best friend dude
and im using that word heavily.
I know u and jay are close
but there is something about Will and u that I could never put my finger on
I get u must be batshit scared about this
I would be too.
this is like saying I have a crush on bianca
I fucking don't but take the analogy
that shit is terrifying
Look, dude
I will always be here for ur queer questions, cuz god knows u need them
and its painfully obvious u aren'y going to will for this one
but if im being honest. U need to make a decision about this one on ur own
I can't tell u yes or no. I can only telling you what I see and that is u need to make a move on this. Staying silent will only hurt both of ur relationships in the future.
Imagine if will gets a boyfriend or girlfriend

God I don't want think about that

But ur gonna have to
if he does, what are you going to do? Just sit there and mope? Hes probably gonna think ur mad at him. You know, if he already doesn't. I know enough about Will to know that he understands u better than anyone else. He knows when ur lying to him or hiding something. He wont know what it is, but when he finds out, he's going to be so fucking hurt. U would be too if u found out ur best friend had a crush on u and instead of telling u, they jut got distant and mad for no reason.
U asked for my advice and that's it
don't get mad if will is upset with u for this

Yeah,,,
I just
im scared

Id be more shocked if u weren't
ull survive
now
go listen to something else other than sappy breakup music and get over urself
ur gonna have a lot of heartbreak, especially being queer
it's time to find a way to cope that isn't this.

Ok

I hope this helped dude

Yeah
it umm,,,
it kind of did?

Good
now im going to get back to studying cuz I have this bitch of a final to do
if some voice in the back of ur head says take summer classes, ull finish ur major faster, don't listen it's the devil and hes seducing you with his words
also avoid classes before 10am. Trust me

Pfft
will do
thank u

Anytime dude
keep me updated

---

Thalia always helped put his thoughts into place. He knew what she was going to say, knew every word of it, but hearing it from someone you actually respected makes things a lot more real.

He stared at his phone, reading over the last few messages again before closing out.

There was so much he needed to do, to say, but the mere thought of doing so made him want to throw up. It was killing him to do nothing but doing anything else was worse.

He was caught between a sickly feeling that came with caring too much and not enough when a message came through from Will.

Nico caught his stomach rise into his throat, the battle between wanting to read every word Will would write him and never wanted to acknowledge him ever again. Maybe if he ignored this issue long enough, he wouldn't have to face it. But to do so meant ignoring Will. It was Russian roulette and the guns were fully loaded.

He sat there for a few minutes, debating whether or not he wanted to open it, but when a few more messages came through, he needed to know what they said more than his feeling of running away.

---

Sunshine Boy
okAY SO!
I remember what I was trying to say yesterday!
I know it's a little bit away BUT!
I was thinking for Halloween this year, we do starwars. You, me, Hazel, and Frank. I do Han Solo (obviously) and you Luke. Hazel is Leia (bc you two are basically siblings and im scared of her) and frank is Chewie. We can dress Peanut as an ewok if Frank wants to bring him along like last year.
I know it's going to be hard to one up the scooby gang we did last year
BUT
I think this will work out really well!
anyways
that's all I wanted to say
I hope your doing okay
Unless you're really taking your time to listen to that album!
Then go off!
Umm yeah. That's it.
Bye

---

Nico read over the texts five times before exited the app. He wanted to reply, he even debated it. He saw the line blink, waiting for him to write out a reply, but the moment he tried, every part of his body screamed, "NO!". It was too much.

He huffed and rolled over, letting his phone drop to the side as he closed his eyes. Maybe, just maybe, if he closed them, his mind would stop turning and let him have his peace.

Just as the humming of the world was buzzing to a combined whisper, wrapping around his mind, Nico was brought back to his body when his phone started going off beside him. For a split moment, even just a hair, he thought about picking it up. If it was important, they would call back. He let it go to voice mail and closed his eyes once again.

Being so torn up, locking inside yourself to chose between happiness and pride, not knowing if one would drown you or raise you higher by the back of your neck was worse than drowning. He was on dry land but his lungs wouldn't stop filling. To choke on nothing but your own blood as it boiled in the back of your thought was to love your best friend more than you are capable of.

A sickness that had taken over, to fall ill would be to know peace. It was an excuse for the headache, for the fever that would surely follow. Ignoring and locking yourself away was okay for the contagious, but it wasn't for a cruel joke planted on you by someone who made it sure and well that you suffer.

It buzzed again.

Nico wanted to throw his phone. But instead, he picked it up and squinted at the name.

---

Pipes

---

Debating on whether or not to hang up, he sighed and accepted the call. Nico threw it on speaker and dropped the phone on his chest.

"What?"

"I swear to god, if you aren't dead or dying," Piper started from her side of the call. It sounded like she was in her car. She sighed.

"Well, I answered, didn't I?" Nico mumbled, heaving himself over to lay on his side. His eyes were glued to the wall.

"Don't get smart with me."

Nico rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Sorry."

"Good," she said, her tone stressed, "Now, you better be dressed or I'm calling Bi to throw you out of bed."

"Why?" Nico asked cautiously. Why was Piper calling him? She hated talking on the phone.

"Because –" the sound of a car blinker cut her off " – I am almost at your place and I don't want to be waiting for you to get pants on."

"Wait," Nico sat up, grabbing his phone, "what do you mean you're almost here?"

"I am picking you up for a nine-one-one call that was made earlier," she explained.

Nico furrowed his brows. Was she seriously on her way? Who called in a 9-1-1?

9-1-1 was what they did when someone was worried about someone else in their group. Person A would message person B to check on person C to see if they were alright, but that didn't make sense.

"Who called it in?" Nico was more curious than anything. Last time a 9-1-1 was called in was from Frank to Nico to make sure Hazel was alright when she had three finals in two days and no one had heard from her the entire weekend before. She had been studying and accidently let her phone die while she was at the library.

"Take a wild fucking guess," Piper said, her voice picking up volume.

Nico swallowed and slung his legs over the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry," Nico muttered, looking around his floor for something to throw on.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." There was a pause before Piper's voice came through the phone again. "I don't know the extent of what's going on, but you're coming to my place to get you out of whatever funk you've probably created in your room. You don't have to tell me now, but I better hear everything that's going on, 'cause this is a little much."

As Nico zipped up his fly, he glanced down at his phone. He was wearing probably the same pants he had been wearing for the past few days. He didn't really care how clean they were, he just needed something to wear.

Will.

He knew he should have responded, and now he had a few more messages piling up. He was leaving him on read with no reason as to why and he felt shitty about it. But no matter how badly he wanted to send him a text, to say "good morning" or a simple "hi," he couldn't. He physically couldn't.

His mind was doing flips trying to figure out where to start, where to go from there. Every time he thought of a place to begin, to maybe send him a text, something else would pop up to remind him that he should go speak with his mom, but to do that, he needed to speak with Will about what had happened. It was a never-ending loop that he couldn't break out of.

While he was getting torn apart, on the outside, it looked like he was just ingoing everything going on around him. There were somethings he knew no one around him would understand, and it was difficult being trapped in by your own mental limitations.

"I know, it's just…" Nico's voice trailed off, not knowing exactly how to verbalise how he was feeling.

"It's fine – it's really not – but it's fine. I'll be there in, like, five, so be ready when I pull up."

"'kay." Nico looked around his room and it felt like the first time. Maybe it was because for the past two days he wasn't exactly seeing everything clearly, (being like he was walking through a fog) but the room seemed brighter. Fixings that had always been there seemed new, like he never saw his desk before until now.

Piper had hung up, leaving Nico to a new and silent room. It really felt like things were changing before him and he couldn't keep up with it all. Maybe time really had gotten away from him.

...

When Piper sent him the text that she was there, Nico knew he had to brave the one thing he was praying he could avoid. He had to go out the front door, and knowing his mother, she would be home and downstairs. His dad was most likely at work, so it would be just the two of them. For a moment, he debated getting Bianca and using her as a distraction.

He swallowed his ego for a moment and headed downstairs. Just as he thought she would, his mother was in the kitchen, cleaning and baking. She loved making desserts, especially when she was upset, and judging by the smell of the kitchen, she was probably still working through the fight of yesterday.

Nico kept his gaze forward, using every muscle and mental strength he could muster to not acknowledge her presence in the kitchen. He had almost gotten fully away with it until he was slipping on his last shoe when she spoke.

"Where are you going, Nicolas?" Her voice sounded rehearsed, almost like she had been preparing how to speak when she saw him next.

"To Piper's," was all he gave her, not bothering to look at her as he wiggled his foot in, shaking it until it fell properly. He tied his shoes three months ago and he wasn't planning on doing that again for at least another two.

"When do you think you will be back?"

"Don't know." Nico was keeping it curt. Less words, less chance of lashing out.

"Just message me when you know, okay?"

Nico looked over at his mother, taking her sight in for the first time in 24 hours. She looked tired and deflated. Her energy had been drained and what little she did have left was obviously being used to mask her hurt.

Nico knew he probably didn't look much better, but he kept his back tall and his face blank. She couldn't know what he was thinking. She wasn't allowed, she didn't deserve to know.

"'kay," was all he said when he opened the door, not bothering to make sure it didn't slam behind him.

Piper's car was pulled up on the side street and the passenger side window was rolled down.

"You look like shit," she called out as she turned down the music. Nico flipped her off as he pulled open the door, sliding in. She cringed, giving him a dirty look. "You smell like shit."

"Fuck off," he tried to growl, but it came out half mass and fell short of a whimper.

Piper rolled down her own window and said nothing as she drove off. Her car was a shitty beater her dad had bought for her for her sixteenth birthday. He promised if she could keep it dent free until her 18th, he would buy her any car she wanted.

Piper's dad had been a major Hollywood actor back in his youth, but as Piper grew up, he turned to more local theater to fuel his love of acting. Nico and Will used to bug her about it, back when they would binge his old movies. She clamed to hate watching them, but whenever you looked over at her, you could sometimes catch her smiling softly to herself. Nowadays, he played Hamlet and Macbeth as opposed to big action roles.

The drive was silent, neither of them wanted to break the still air and ask the questions that were standing ten feet tall.

When they pulled up to her house, they both unbuckled their seatbelts and went in. Tristen McLean was watching something on the television, a bunch of papers sprawled out on the coffee table before him. He smiled and waved to Nico when he saw him but was quick to turn his attention back to his work.

"First things," Piper said when they got to her room, "is getting you clean. When was the last time you had a shower?"

Nico paused. He honestly had to think.

"Umm, what's today? Monday?" He said, earning a huge sigh from Piper. She went into her closet and grabbed a towel and threw it at him.

"You are going to shower because you smell like ass and it's disgusting. Then we are going to talk and you're finally going to explain to me what the fuck is fully happening with you."

Nico nodded as he held the towel. It was a nice texture.

"I'll bring you in some clothes. I probably have a few of Jason's things somewhere in here so you better hope that idiot left shit or you're wearing something pink and sparkly that I'll never touch again."

Nico smiled as he was getting rushed to the bathroom.

Her shower was incredible. Piper didn't live like Will did, but she did come close. She never had to worry about money, but she still liked to create havoc.

Her motto was, "steal from the rich, give to the poor, and take from Hobby Lobby because they're transphobic." Nico appreciated this and lived by it as well. He joked that's why he was friends with Will, really lets him take from the rich.

Nico looked himself over in the bathroom mirror, taking in his sunken eyes, matted hair slick with grease, and clothes that obviously haven't been washed in days. He let himself get bad sometimes, but this was almost pathetic, even for him. A true cry for help, if anything.

He shook the image from his mind and stripped, really noticing the stench of not showering for half a week. He was disappointed in himself. And he knew if he had stayed home, it probably would have only gotten worse.

He silently sent a thank you to Piper as he slipped into the shower, letting the warm water wash over him, relaxing his tense shoulders as he stood. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. Normally he did a lot of thinking in the shower, but this was the one time he wanted his mind blank.

Time didn't seem to move until he got out of the shower. There was folded laundry in front of the bathroom door that he grabbed and slipped on before making his way out. He had his dirty clothes in his arms as he made his way to Piper's room.

"Took you long enough," she sighed, turning around in her chair and making her way over to where he stood. He smiled at her in a reserved manner. "I hope you feel better at least." She paused as she grabbed his clothes and tossing them into a pile next to the door. "At least you smell better."

"Yeah," Nico said, taking in a deep breath. It was hard to even shower time to time, but he always felt a bit better after. Something about not being greasy was enough to clear the rain clouds, even for a moment.

"Good." Piper turned and smiled. "I'll make sure dad gets those clean for you."

"Thanks," Nico mumbled as he slid his hands into the purple sweater that was obviously Jason's by the way the arms hung. He was wearing a pair of Jason's well-worn pair of jeans as well. Nico had been about to put on the same pair of underwear that he was sure he had been wearing since Friday – Thursday? – but when he saw a pair folded in the pile, he had to mentally fight himself to make the call that dirty underwear should not be the way forward. He didn't want to think too hard about why Jason had left a pair behind, and instead he prayed it was just Piper's dad. (Which wasn't much better, but it was better than imagining his cousins potential sex life.)

Nico sat on the edge of Piper's bed, almost embarrassed about being there. But he relaxed a bit when she tossed him a can of coke and cracked one open herself, leaning into her desk chair. She threw her legs up on her windowsill and took a swig before sighing.

"You wanna tell me why Will sent me a nine-one-one for you?"

Nico sighed and leaned back, making his way to rest on the back of the wall. He stared up at the ceiling, really wondering if it could hold answers.

"As I told you, I…" Nico started, but he bit his lip. Texting is one thing, saying it out loud? Whole other story. He shook his head. "I don't know how to talk to him now."

Piper shook her head and took another drink, looking around her room. She was either trying to come up with the words to call Nico an idiot or trying to give him more time, either way, Nico's throat was dry no matter how much he sipped.

"I manage to open his messages, but I can't seem to reply," he spoke, his words slow as he was piecing them out. He looked down at the can and started to fiddle with the tab. "Like, I get so much anxiety from the thought of messaging him or seeing him that I can't, but on the other hand, if I keep ignoring him, it makes me sick. I can't do anything so I just sit there, running circles in my head."

"Well, it's not Will's fault this whole thing went sour, so you better figure out if you're going to keep ignoring him or not." Nico looked over at Piper whose face was hard. She held a stern gaze and Nico was the one to break it first. She sighed.

"He's worried he over stepped," she admitted, taking a sip of her drink. "He messaged me asking if you were okay. Said you hadn't texted him since Saturday, which for you, is strange. I told him you just had some family drama going on and were okay, just trying to sort things out. He bought it but you gotta be real with me."

"And I am!" Nico shot back, feeling defensive. He didn't need Piper making excuses for him, even if it's the only thing that's actively going to save his friendship with Will. He deflated a bit into himself as Piper raised a brow. "I just… I feel like I'm being stretched so thin I can barely breathe."

There was a pregnant pause hanging in the air. Piper was the first to move.

"You want to tell me about the argument you had with your parents yesterday?" she asked, her tone calm and serious. Piper was good to talk to, she kept things real and straight. But she also was someone you could whole-heartedly trust.

Nico pulled the tab off the can before tossing it to Piper. She collected them and you had to give them to her if you had any.

"It was… the same shit as always, just…" Nico picked as his nails as he thought about his next few words. "I told my mom things I didn't think I actually meant until I said them. And I really hurt her." He looked up, hoping the tears that were threatening to form would fall back. His throat felt tight. "And there's a part of me that doesn't want to take it back."

Piper nodded as Nico let the words come out. He didn't know how to explain it, so he just said everything. About how much he hurt, about how he wanted to punch her, to cling to her and cry. He wanted to yell, kick, and scream, throw things and call everyone names. He wanted to be a child, throwing a fit.

"And the worst thing is, when I told her she didn't love me, she didn't look all the surprised. It hurt, but I wanted to break her. I wanted her to fall to her knees and beg for my forgiveness, and when she just stood there, denying it, I knew it wasn't enough.

"I wanted to hurt her. So badly. I wanted her to feel how much she had hurt me. Years of pain, she needed to feel it." Nico closed himself off, pulling his legs right to his chest. "And the worst part was, after this was all over, all I wanted to do was call Will and cry. And I couldn't. I couldn't because talking to him felt worse than dealing with my mother. I would rather feel like absolute shit, knowing I'll never be enough for my parents, than to call Will. Hearing him right now hurts more than that."

"Fuck," was all Piper said after taking in a deep breath. She ran her hands over her face and shook her head, trying to process everything.

"Yeah," was all Nico could say. His voice cracked as he swallowed hard.

Piper brought her legs down, unsure of how to proceed. She bit her lip, hoping a thought would come that would help put everything into perspective. When nothing did, she got up and moved over to sit beside Nico. She leaned against the wall, almost mirroring him. They sat like that for a while, just listening to the cars pass outside as the wind rustled the tree outside her window.

"Boy's suck," she said.

"They do," Nico agreed, his voice small.

"Family sucks," she said, this time a bit harder.

"They do," Nico shot back, matching her energy the best he could.

"Yeah, mom's suck."

"Yeah, they really do, don't they?"

They sat in silence before the two of them started to giggle. What was once a quiet room, heavy with dread, was now bright and alive of the laughter of the two friends. Quickly tears formed in their eyes, the laughter turning into pained crying that only led to more laughter. It was a mixture of pained tears and a release of frustration that both parties needed badly.

They were using one another as to hold themselves up, their breathing hitched as they fought for air. They couldn't look one another in the eyes or they would start the cycle all over again.

"Why do blond boys have to ruin our lives?" Piper asked, wiping tears from her eyes as they continued to fall.

"I don't know but apparently neither of us can have functional families, too."

Nico couldn't help but laugh at that.

Piper's mom had left her when she was a newborn, claimed she couldn't have a baby after adamantly telling her father she wanted a family with him. Piper had spoken to her a total of three times her entire life and while all she wanted was the love of a mother and for her to be around, Nico couldn't help but laugh. Being around might solve one issue, but sometimes it makes the pain last longer.

Once they managed to get their laughing down, which wasn't easy because when one person would stop, the other would just lose it, causing another chain reaction, they just breathed. Nico felt better, even if it was just for a moment.

"You're going to have to figure out what you're going to say to Will, you know that, right?" Piper said, taking in deep breaths.

Nico nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Any ideas?"

Nico laughed.

"Not a fucking clue."

…..

By the time Piper dropped him back off at his place, the evening sun was starting to take shape, casting a low shadow on the neighbourhood. Nico fumbled with his keys he had somehow still had in his possession. (Piper's father, Tristen McLean, had fished them out of his stale jeans before throwing them into the wash like they were hazardous material.)

His clothes were folded into a reusable bag and tossed over his shoulder. The door easily unlocked and he pushed his way inside. The house was alive with the aroma of spices and garlic. (According to his mother, garlic was its own category. "Measure it with your heart," she would tell him. Survival tip: NEVER fight her on this.)

Nico was feeling marginally better, but only enough to push away the anxiety and let it boil until another time. When he thought about his upcoming issues, he would get sick and feel his body start to float, but it was enough to push through.

Him and Piper had laughed, cried, and screamed the entire time, finding anyway to push through what they were both collectively feeling. They screamed along to the album, laughing and crying like they were five years old. For that moment, both swore to only love one another, that they didn't need anyone else in their lives.

To scream with your best friend is one of the truest forms of self-therapy one could do. No judgement. No self-loathing. Just two people, airing out their frustrations with the world with no consequences. Normally, Piper's dad would have said something about the noise, but by the state of things, he wasn't going to raise a single finger.

Towards the end of the evening, they even ran down to the corner store and bought the largest slurpies they could from 7-11. They turned on a shitty rom-com and screamed the entire time about how awful it was. They even debated throwing on Twilight, but Nico pointed out that it was a school night and he should probably head home before he actually gave his parents something to be upset with him about.

"I'm home," Nico called out, not really caring if someone called back.

As he shook off his shoes, kicking them into the closet, he heard shuffling from the kitchen. When he looked up, his mother was standing in the doorframe, wiping her hands with a cloth that she used to dry dishes with.

Nico's jaw hardened as he manually controlled his breathing. There wasn't many lights on downstairs – his father must be up in his study – except for the warm glow emanating from the kitchen. His mother was haloed by it, her dark hair pulled up into a half bun. Even thought she looked pulled down, she had obviously refreshed herself since Nico had last seen her.

"Nicolas," she spoke, her voice low, yet calm.

Nico pressed a forced smile as he padded across the wooden floor in his socks, his hands in Jason's hoodies pockets. If Maria noticed he was wearing clothes he didn't leave in, she didn't show it.

"How is Piper?" she asked, settling the cloth down on the counter before moving over to the dinning table. Nico noticed it was almost all cleared off, just a little bit of half eaten food remained in a couple of plates.

"She's good," he said, keeping his replies quick and simple.

"That's good," she hummed, nodding her head as she picked up the plate Nico knew to be his father's. "Did you eat there?"

Nico took a deep breath in and tried to relax his shoulders. "Yeah, a little."

Without missing a beat, she reached over and grabbed an empty plate from where he usually sat.

"But-" he caught himself saying, noticing his mother pause as he spoke, "I'm still a little hungry, if that's okay?"

He didn't want to be kind, but he thought, hey, if life is gonna suck, why can't I at least try to make it a little easier?

He smiled when his mother looked at him, genuinely surprised by his answer. When neither of them moved, Nico headed over to the table and sat down. Maria gingerly set the plate back down and reached for Bianca's that left nothing more than a few streaks of the sauce.

Nico wasn't sure if he even was hungry, but he knew he needed to try an talk to is mom, and this might be the best place to start. Having the rest of the family be there after they saw the whole fight was a bit much for him, so one-on-one might be the safest way.

There wasn't a word spoken between them as Maria started to serve Nico his dinner. It was a form of chicken alfredo, and the moment it hit his plate, Nico's mouth started to water. Maybe an entire bag of gummy worms wasn't a good idea for supper.

Instantly, he dug in. No matter how mad he ever got at his mom, she was one of the best cooks in the world. Nico spoke in aggression; she spoke through food. When neither of them could communicate, they always came back to this.

Nico would tell you a paragraph long list of things he hated about his mother, filled with feelings of doubt and unworthiness. But at the end of the day, it would always end with, "but she makes the best meals, and that's why I can't hate her." When he wanted to run away, the one thought keeping him tied down was the memory of her slipping him an extra meatball when he was six, giving him a wink as she served the rest of the family. It was a mother thing, no matter how much you wanted to ignore it, there will always be that one thing she does that makes you cry.

He felt his heart heavy with sorrow as he wiped his face off with the back of the sweater sleeve. He would throw it in the dirty laundry after so he didn't care if it got dirty.

"Nicolas," his mother finally spoke, sitting across from him as he ate. They met eyes and Nico could see how dull they were. No longer were they warm with admiration, now they were almost black. "I must apologize for how I acted yesterday."

Nico nodded along, not wanting to really speak; half because he didn't have anything to say and half because he didn't want to stop chewing.

Maria's voice was thick with a familiar accent, one that was like butter when he spoke with it. Nico worked hard not to develop one, but every once in a while, it slips out. One of the few times it slipped out in front of Will was when he accidently said his name right after saying something in Italian. He couldn't remember what he had been saying, but all he remembered was Will's eyes going wide before stuttering.

"I…" she took a deep breath in, closing her eyes as she searched for something within her. "I know things haven't been easy for any of us, but this is very new to me. I understand that I have much to learn, but can you please be patient with me?"

Nico put his fork down while he continued to chew. He let her sit in her own words as he took a sip of water that she had gotten for him earlier. He ran his tongue over his teeth after he swallowed, all the while not looking at her once. He joined his hands together and stared at the table in front of him. He was choosing what to say next. And when he spoke, he took a deep breath before.

"Mom," he started, knowing that he had all the leverage. She had spoken her part with the two ways she knew how, now it was his turn to respond. "I have given you plenty of time to get used to this. I don't even want to phrase it like that, but for now, I will. This conversation has nothing to do with you not knowing. You know, said and done. Yet you still continue to participate in things that actively harm me and others like me.

"It's not my job to tell you all the answers. It's not my job to explain to you the simplest of reason as to why you need to evaluate what you're doing. What is your job is to understand and accept – no, not accept. Because accepting means that there's an option of not accepting. Your job is to love me no matter what. And I should never have to explain this to you."

Nico took the last sip of water from his cup and set it down. He took a moment before standing up and giving his mother one last look-over. He wasn't going to storm out or make a loud scene. He needed her to understand this from a calm and collected standpoint.

"I will answer any questions you might have, but I think it's best for now that you start to look into queer history in both America and Italy – worldwide, really. It's not my job to educate you. But it is yours to. Now, thank you for supper, it was really good." He gave a half-hearted smile, and when he was matched with one back, he knew they had gotten somewhere.

To hate the ones you love the most is the hardest emotion to go through, but not being able to turn to the next person for comfort, even worse. He had gotten some where with his mother that day, but tomorrow he would have to face Will and come up with a reasonable explanation as to why he had been throwing a fit all weekend and refusing to respond.

Nico knew he would come up with something, but as he headed off to his room, he paused, turning to his mother who was still seated at the table.

"Oh, umm," he cleared his throat, waiting till she looked up at him. "Do you think you could wash this hoodie before tomorrow? I'm really exhausted and I don't think I'll be awake to switch it over."

She smiled. "Of course, amore mio."

Nico smiled back before rushing up the stairs to his room. He had a shitty plan for tomorrow, but he had no idea how well anything was going to work.

Now was the real test, could he keep it together or will he fuck this whole thing up? As he climbed into bed, leaving the clothes he'd been wearing on top of the washing machine, he chased all the possible outcomes around in his mind, praying only the best ones would stick. It was those thoughts that sang him to sleep.

---

A/N: Yes I know this chapter is late, but I had a last minute audition I got yesterday and it was due today (Monday) and I didn't have this chapter fully finished cuz of some last minute schedule changes at work. BUT! It's out now and I'm excited!

As I said previously, I really want to explore mental health and different conditions and how they effect specific characters and their choices. And Nico is such an amazing canvas to explore ADHD, OCD, depression, anxiety, dyslexia, etc. A big one I'm enjoying writing is sensory overload that comes with ADHD and how it leads to aggression as a form of coping for some people. Especially using a teenage boy who's parents don't take these signs as a way to recognize these different mental issues is a real fun challenge. It's something I know a lot of readers on fan fic struggle with and it's presented not as a negative issue, but as just a means to cope.

ANYWAYS!

These next few chapters are gonna be so much fun to map out now that we are coming up to the last stretch being past half way done! (Of Sour of course) I hope you guys are picking up on small details that will lead to the much bigger arch of this entire story! I love writing stories that take in different meanings the second read through. And hearing responses go one way is exactly what I love to hear!

Let me know your thoughts feelings and predictions! I can't wait!

Kitty