A/N:yeah, im late, and yeah i wrote half of this on a plane. it is what it is.
enjoy
Thursday II
The mornings of rushing to avoid running into anyone Nico didn't want to see was becoming a habit. He got so stuck in the thought of making it to class without being stopped, he didn't even realise when he was being downright awful.
When avoiding Will, he would stop, make up an excuse, and get out of there. It was a simple job. In and out. This time, as Will was chatting up the same familiar red head, her fingers delicately running up and down his arm as she spoke, he didn't even stop and acknowledge him. Seeing her touching him made him sick. God, he was getting unbelievably possessive to a man he had no claim over.
He couldn't lie to himself. There was no lying, no more excuses. The thought of Will being with someone else brought on an anger he never thought he would ever be willing to feel. He had anger issues, this he knew. He would lash out and scream, but Will made him want to do so much more.
And he could never do anything about it.
As he passed them, it was Will that spotted him, reaching out and grabbing him mid laugh. Apparently, the red head had made some joke he found funny – for some ungodly reason.
"Hey, Nico," he said, still trying to steady himself from the laughter, "wh-"
"I have to go," Nico cut him off, shaking off the blond's hand. He didn't care to look back, he barely even let his eyes glance in his direction in the first place. He felt wrong to feel the way he did, like he would be punished for wishing harm on another for putting their hands on Will.
Everything he had been taught when he was younger made him hate these feelings. The gross, disgusting thoughts that plagued him when he saw Will was wrong. The way he felt when he saw other people – other girls – touch him. Wrong. The pain he got when he imagined Will being happy with someone else. Wrong. The ache he felt when he pictured Will, kissing him. Wrong.
Wrong.
Nico was wrong.
His feelings were wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
He knew now, he was punishing himself.
He was wrong and if God wouldn't smite him, he would do it himself. He knew he had to atone for his sins, his disgusting thoughts towards men, and that's why God had sent him Will. He had been listening all those years ago and he just wanted to make sure it hurt the worst.
God wasn't going to fix him; he was going to make him suffer.
Wrong.
And he knew it.
"What's going on with him?" he heard the red head ask. He didn't stick around to hear what Will replied with, he needed to leave. To run.
Wrong.
Nothing he could say or do would change that.
Wrong.
…..
When lunch rolled around, Nico was out of excuses and straight up avoided the cafeteria. He had a shitty packed lunch he grabbed before he left home that consisted of an apple, a granola bar his father bought, and about two mostly squished cheese strings.
As he sat on the bike rack next to the smoke pit, he stared up and watched the gray storm clouds roll above. He knew it wasn't going to rain, but smell was potent of salt water and redwood. It ruffled his hair as he picked apart the half-squished cheese strong, plopping the uncomfortably warm piece into his mouth.
Nico loved the clouds and the feeling he got as the wind picked up. It was like it was blowing right through him as he sighed in relief. The crisp leaves fought to stay on the branches with each passing second, and while Nico wished he had brought a jacket, the cold against his skin felt freeing.
He stayed there, ignoring the wafting smell of weed from the stoner kids a few feet away for as long as he could before he forced himself back inside. He could slip in and out before the bell and grab his things so his daring escape at the end of the day was more seamless.
As he climbed the stairs, he was met with very disapproving and stern faces of two people who were supposed to be somewhere else.
"What?" Nico asked, biting his tongue when both Jason and Piper raised a brow before pulling him over to the side.
"What is wrong with you?" Piper cut to the chase. She crossed her arms and refused to break her gaze.
"I don't know what you mean."
She rolled her eyes and laxed her arms. Jason hadn't said a word but having the two of them working together was not a good sign.
"Nico," Piper tried, but Nico just pushed passed her.
"I don't know what you're getting at, so just drop it."
The two followed him, hot on his trail the entire time. He couldn't hide, Piper would follow him anywhere, and if he tried to dip into the men's washroom, she had Jason and that would be even worse.
He had lied. Obviously, he knew exactly what she was getting at. He had been an absolute dick, but he couldn't help it. He literally couldn't help it.
Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to give in, to tell Will what was going on. He needed to cry, to hold the blond close to his chest and sob. He knew if he did, he would be able to breathe properly for the first time in what felt like ages.
But he couldn't.
Every look, every glance, the rise and fall of Will's chest he noticed whenever he would push him away made him sick. He hated the person who was hurting Will this way.
There weren't many people in the halls as the bell hadn't sounded, but the few people there was were moving out of the way. Between Jason's height and Piper's focus, it seemed like a bad idea for anyone to be in their way.
If he kept walking, kept ignoring them, the pain behind his eyes would simmer to just the light roar of the raging river it once was.
"Nico, you need to stop and-"
"Will you quit it?!" He snapped. Piper froze in her place. There was something the flashed over her face as her jaw hardened. Nico couldn't quite place it, but it didn't matter. "God, why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?"
It was Jason that took a step forward when he raised his voice. For a moment, Nico faltered, Jason's overwhelming presence taking hold on him. But he stood his ground. He clenched his jaw and raised his chin. In a physical altercation, anyone looking on would easily put their money on Jason, but what occurred between them was an argument of unspoken words.
"Nico, watch it." Jason's voice was deep and commanding. He normally spoke in a carefree way that let everyone know they could trust him. But that warmth was all colour theory as his words came out precise and calculated.
"No," Nico bit back, taking his own step forward.
Stop it.
"You watch it."
Nico, stop it.
"What I do with my life has nothing to do with you."
Piper was the one to put space between the two men as neither of them refused to step down or give even a little. She placed a soft hand on Jason's chest, telling him, "Back off."
She wasn't picking sides; she was just stopping an altercation.
"I confided in you two as friends, not to get ganged up on because I'm not doing what you think I should be."
"Nico, we aren't trying to fight you." Piper had a way with words that made it almost seem like everything she said, you agreed with. Her voice held a magic that could calm any tyrant. But Nico couldn't hear, he wasn't listening. "We're just worried and want to help."
"I don't want your help."
"Nico…"
"Why can't you just leave me alone? I don't want you - I don't need your help." No one paid the argument any mind as they clogged up the hallway. Everyone was too tired to care or too worried about their own problems to pay them any mind. The occasional glance and whisper that came with the scene, though, was enough to cause panic to start to crawl in.
He needed out. He needed this to stop. The lights were too bright and his breathing was too loud. If he stopped moving, he knew panic would build up. He was going to explode - if the world around him didn't do so first.
"Dude, can you just-"
"Leave me alone!" Nico shouted, leaving Jason's outstretched hand hanging.
The blond looked like if he moved any closer, Nico was going to bite his hand off. Fearing for his skin's safety, he retracted.
"Just…" Nico tried to say, but he felt the words slipping away from his stubborn tongue.
His eyes darted back and forth between his two friends as they stared at him. He was a scared animal and they were afraid he was going to reach out and attack. If they moved too quickly, they would startle him.
He needed to run. Now.
He backed up, trying to catch his breath that was quickly betraying him with each rise and fall. He was choking on oxygen that wouldn't reach his brain.
Faces blurred as he went. He wasn't running but his mind was racing.
Was Jason and Piper going to hate him now? What if they went back and told Hazel and the others what he had done? He lashed out, they for sure had to hate him. The entire table was laughing at how pathetic he was. Will must have known if he was laughing along.
Will.
He had to know.
And now he was ignoring him.
He knew.
Fuck. He had to know.
Bathroom.
Nico needed to get to the closest bathroom before everything fogged over.
He wasn't sure how he got there, but when cold water washed over him, he felt his mind snap back to his body.
Looking his face over in the mirror, water droplets streaking down his face, he didn't recognize the person staring back at him.
The man's pupils were blown, his hair standing in all directions. The curves of his face were harsh and unkind, shadows consuming the man's bone structure.
When Nico raised his hand, the man staring back at him followed. And when he trailed his shaky fingers across his cheek, the man did so, as well.
It was him. The man looking back at him, draining the life as he fought for every second to pass, was him.
What the fuck was he doing?
…
Classes blurred together. His legs took him room to room, his mind completely absent on the transaction. Nico saw his notes scribbled into his notebook; it was his messy writing combined with the smooth loops of cursive he developed sometime in grade four.
His legs carried him through the halls after his hands automatically packed up his backpack. Nothing involved mental capacity.
Nico's only thought was to get home and seep deeper into his bed, letting the world around him melt away into a figureless gray.
As he headed past the English hall, his body knowing the way to go, that's where he caught it.
It was Will's eyes that flashed familiar in his mind, pulling the drowned world into a sea of colour. But it was cold.
The blond was speaking with the girl with red hair - a name he could touch with his tongue if he tried harder. But the pain that ran up his spine when it was only eyes that gave him attention was mind numbing.
Will's entire body was still facing away from him, barely a change in the direction of his chin. He simply shifted his eyes, face blank as he asked an unspoken question.
Would Nico stop and reply? Or would he solidify what Will had suspected.
He had to know.
When Nico didn't stop, didn't turn more than his own gaze, Will's eyes glossed and flickered back to where his focus had been moments ago.
The statement had been made; the question answered. Nothing more could be communicated as Nico clenched his jaw and walked home.
…..
All dinner his parents had given him quick glances and raised eyebrows. Nico had tried to keep everything as normal seeming as possible, but if any of his friends could tell you, Nico playing okay was never a seamless job. For those who understood his tells, he was an open book.
He had done quick to finish up and ignore the silent language Bianca had been communicating with him whenever their eyes would meet. He thanked his parents and bolted upstairs, leaving the three with confused expressions and concern carved into their upper brow.
When he shut the door, the world outside faded.
It was muted where he was. He could breathe in the suffocating air as he tried to clear his head. Too many thoughts and sounds still. If he shook his hands, maybe it would be enough of a distraction to keep him grounded.
He sat on his bed, taking in everything that would let his eyes settle upon them.
The day rolled over him like a storm. The day was a blur of blue and purple, nothing was staying longer than a snapshot of expression.
He had to do something.
Nico needed to move, to do something or he was going to only spiral.
His fingers were tapping at his side as he stood up, glancing around with feverish intent.
When nothing peaked his interested, he went digging. He shuffled through his desk, pulling out old junk and papers he assumed were from years of built up schoolwork. He tossed those out and continued to rummage.
After almost an hour, he had hauled out half his stuff and rearranged one side of his room. A garbage bag of odds and ends that needed to be tossed was settled by the door.
He had opened his closet door and knew now was as good as any to finally sort it out.
Nico hauled out old clothing that had fallen from the rack, throwing it into his dirty laundry hamper or back on the rack by a smell test.
He smiled inwardly as he found an old sketch book from years ago. He could date it by the stickers and doodles that littered the cover. Hazel and him had been friends when he had it by the amount of horses he found as he skimmed through it. While it was a nice trip down memory lane, he didn't want to draw, so he placed it on his shelf and continued to press forward.
When he finally cleaned out the bottom, he was shocked to find his old keyboard settled in the back of his closet, next to a thick guitar case that was covered in half-pealed stickers.
With minor effort, he got the guitar case out and settled on his bed. As he quickly threw everything where he thought it belonged for the time being, Nico opened it.
It stayed shut at first, it obviously being a while since he had last even thought about it. But once it opened - and the dust settled - there it was: his first guitar.
He ran his fingers over the strings, feeling how time had not been kind to them.
Nico pushed the clothes he had been planning to fold off his bed and took his spot near his pillows. With a gingered grip, he pulled the guitar up and out. Smiling, he pressed down on the strings in a G chord to feel the give.
When he strummed, it came out gross and demonic. Fumbling through the case, he pulled out an old pack of strings and got to work. It had been years since he last fully changed strings, and even the last time he had had been at Will's.
After fighting with it for about twenty minutes, his old guitar was playing like new.
Even after all this time, his fingers knew the shapes and forms it needed to take to produce the sound.
The room was quickly filled with bumps and bruises for the first half hour, but it wasn't long before he was strumming away like no time had passed.
He wasn't sure exactly what he was playing, but as the notes ring through his room and well into the night, he was at peace. It was a calm that took him to a world where he had no issue expect for what chord came next.
…
Art Hoe
Yo brosky
Texas
What's cracking your bones?
You
I-
1) not gonna question all of that
but…..
Art Hoe
But…?
Texas
Texas you still there?
You
yeah I just
Idk Rach
I feel like I might have done something wrong?
Did I over step?
Art Hoe
idk what happened but probably
You
:(
Art Hoe
BUT!
There might be something else that your just not seeing
Look,
Im not the best with sort of stuff my guy. From what ive seen and what uv told me, I think there had to be something else right?
You
I guess.,,
Art Hoe
and you said today ur friends were also acting strange
You
yeah a bit
Art Hoe
then it would be safe to assume that there has to be something else besides all of this weird energy between you two.
Look Will. Youre genuinely one of my best friends so im not gonna shit you on this, but if hes not gonan do anything (And from what uv told me and what ive seen that is pretty obvious) then maybe confront him?
Idk what yalls relationship is like on a daily, I don't know him
BUT
From what uv told me this doesn't seem like evrythnigs fine
You
I guess
Art Hoe
and unless you physically ask him, u might never know.
trust me my dude
my guy
everythings gonna be fine
and if not
Tell him its on sight
You
yeah youre right.
I'm just…
thanks
Art Hoe
np
You
Also,
you called me Will
Art Hoe
Oh shut up u whore
and don't get used to it
You
Thanks Rach
Art Hoe
any time slut
now
im gonna go watch property brothers nd cry
have a great night!
You
See you tomorrow
With a heavy sigh, Will tossed his phone on the counter. He stared at the home screen until the light dimmed out then turned black.
The silence in his kitchen was almost haunting. He heard the echoes from the busy streets below, but the occasional drip from the tap that didn't fully shut off unless you pinched it a specific angle was louder.
Will managed to push himself off the counter he was leaning on and made his way over to the window that overlooked Manhattan. The view had always calmed him, but there were times he missed his mother's farm.
If he closed his eyes, Will could still picture the fallen tree in his backyard that once housed his favourite tire swing. But after a horrific storm season, it laid barren. In times of uncertainty, he would picture his mother pushing him on that swing, feeling nothing but joy and the wind in his hair. And there was a lot on his mind.
He grabbed his phone and opened it up to send a message, but as the line blinked, waiting for his next move, he shut his phone off. After a minute, he reopened it and scrolled through all the past messages that had been unanswered.
Nico had seen them, but not responded.
Did he piss him off? Did he overstep?
It weighed heavy on his chest and mind thinking about what he might have done to push him away. As it swirled, their previous messages from a week ago now coming up, he felt his jaw clenched.
He must have done something. He must have said or done something that set Nico off and he must not have felt comfortable enough to speak up about it.
The last time they had gotten here was over a year ago, and even then Nico had lashed out. He had never shut down like this on him.
As he scrolled, many thoughts came to his mind as to why he would act like this. While there was many, he feared the few that stayed at the top of his list.
When Will set his phone down, what caught his breath was the curiosity and fear that some of those came with. And despite everything that had happened or was to come, the last thing he wanted was to lose his best friend. And if it was the thing he feared, it would have been his fault
A/N:the closer i get to the end of this part, the more excited i get!
I hope you are all enjoying this! i know it's short but i was meant to be put together with the last part but i managed to hit my minimum for both so it is what it is.
also i threw in a small will pov at the end so you guys can be held over until later. gosh.
i dont have much words of wisdom here other than i hope you guys had fun and are feeling conflicted about nico and if u like him or not rn.
let me know your thoughts and feelings, especially as were almost done here!
Kitty