In A Manner of My Choosing
By Pyreite
To Rectify Past Mistakes
Ellana followed Fen'Harel up the stairs. It was a strange thing to feel as if she were climbing a mountain. The Dalish had always prided themselves on their knowledge of the ancient elven world. Ellana knew (thanks to Solas) that much of what she'd been raised to believe was a lie. She was troubled by that thought when she and Fen'Harel reached the landing.
The flagstones underfoot were just as firm here as they were in the waking world. Ellana took a fortifying breath when Skyhold's gigantic doors swung inwards. The great hall was exposed to daylight. Ellana gasped when she didn't see more flagstones or a dais upon raised stairs. Inside the fortress was a grassy meadow covered in tents of varying sizes.
Ellana walked with Fen'Harel in amazement. She glanced back the way they'd come. She spied the fortress doors, still open, revealing the courtyard outside. Ellana was perturbed by the seamless transition from her own memories to Fen'Harel's. Skyhold's stony walls and floors reflected her own experiences inside the fortress.
This green field with its myriad tents came solely from Fen'Harel's mind.
He had walked Elvhenan with Solas.
His knowledge of the past far outstripped her own.
"So this is how you remember Skyhold", deduced Ellana. "It makes sense considering the time".
"It is", said Fen'Harel. "We were more or less a rabble band of survivors. Some were criminals, others soldiers, most were slaves Solas liberated from the Evanuris. By removing their vallaslin he broke their shackles of enforced obedience. They were physically free, but still bore the scars of their slavery".
Ellana frowned as he led her through the maze of tents.
"What do you mean?"
"Look around, vhenan".
Fen'Harel gestured to the various elves they passed. Some wore armour, suggesting they were soldiers whilst others wore simpler garb. Ellana saw doublets, skirts, jerkins, and dresses with layers of silk, velvet, and cotton. All were clean and well-worn if patchy and threadbare. Ellana noticed the wearers of that clothing were fair, elven, and all so tired.
Faces were long and drawn with fatigue. Ellana saw raised red welts and pink puckered scars on many brows, cheeks, and chins. Most of which she doubted were from battle. Some adults had nicks in their ears whilst others were missing one or both. Ellana also saw children, not more than ten or twelve, with slashed cheeks and mutilated ears.
"Maker's breath!" she cried. "Look at them! Who would do such a thing to a child?"
Ellana frowned when Fen'Harel paused. She slowed to a stop beside him. She noticed how he watched the children laugh as they played in the dust. He sighed and glanced at her. The look in his eyes was old and sad and resigned.
"Solas did not lie. The Evanuris were cruel to those that disobeyed them. What you see here is but a small part of the horrors they inflicted on their slaves. Solas and I helped these few escape their masters, but we left many more behind. Most were unwilling to acknowledge that the Evanuris were mere mortals and not gods at all".
Ellana swallowed her surprise. She had never thought Solas would have been inclined towards cruelty. She reflected on what he had told her the previous day. Elvhenan had fallen, its fate sealed, when he had created the Veil. She had seen the Vir Dirthara's crumbling bookshelves, ghostly guardians, and radiant tree-like lamps.
"Solas left them to die".
Fen'Harel squeezed her hand. Two elven children rolled in the dirt wrestling. Their laughter seemed to cut him like a blade. Fen'Harel tensed, twitched, and bared his fangs. He took a deep ragged breath and tried to stem the rising tide of his anger. His red eyes glowed like two burning embers.
"He considered their deaths adequate punishment for their cowardice".
Ellana patted his hand. The longer she lingered here, the more she was learning about her wayward lover. Solas had always been a private person during his time with the Inquisition. Ellana was starting to understand why. The shadow of ancient Elvhenan was darker than she could ever have known or believed until now.
Solas it seemed had wanted to shield her from the worst of his past misdeeds.
"Do you think what he did was right?"
Fen'Harel turned on her with a snarl. Ellana was startled by his fury. Red eyes smouldered beneath furrowed black brows. The bridge of his nose wrinkled as his lips peeled back from his teeth. White fangs flashed in the sunlight, sharp and inhuman, as he barked in outrage.
"I am not Solas!"
"Fen'Harel!"
"Do not compare me to him!"
"I didn't!"
"I value life! I do not sacrifice it on a whim!"
"I know that! You saved me!"
Ellana was relieved when he relented. His eyes glinted and his teeth gnashed in irritation. He scrutinised her expression, searching for the subtlest hint of deception. He detested being lied too. Ellana returned his gaze with sincere contrition.
"Ir abelas", she apologised. "I didn't mean to offend you".
Fen'Harel snorted. He didn't comment on her poor apology. He did remark on something else. His words were terse and tinged with annoyance. It was a small and welcome conciliation.
"Your pronunciation is still terrible".
"You're angry with me", said Ellana.
"Yes", affirmed Fen'Harel. "I am".
"I apologised".
"Did your Mamae ever warn you not to poke a hornet's nest?"
Ellana blushed. "She did".
Fen'Harel chuckled. "And you never listened".
Ellana was embarrassed by his assumption. He was right, she knew, though she would never admit it. Her mother had been sweet-tempered and cautious by nature. Her father had been the opposite. Bold, brash, and ever willing to get himself into trouble.
Ellana grimaced.
Her mother had yelled, often and loudly, that she was just like her father.
"I wouldn't be here with you now", retorted Ellana. "If I was easily put off by such things".
She looked away for a moment and spied something out of the corner of her eye. Her head turned as she watched someone walking between the tents. She stared when that person turned on their heels and headed towards them. Ellana could still hear the shouting from across the meadow. Their baritone voices were high and sharp like two duelling blades.
"Maker's balls!" cried Ellana. "It can't be!"
She was shaking when the person she watched came closer. Ellana stumbled backward into Fen'Harel. A broad chest and strong arms caught her round the waist. He held her fast as a woman with pale flowing golden-white hair stopped before them. Ellana stared when that woman knelt in the dust and opened her arms to a small blonde girl-child.
"Ma da'vhenan", she called. "Garas ma".
"To see Papae?" asked the little girl.
"Yes", replied her mother. "He's arguing with your uncle again".
"Oh".
Her mother sighed and Ellana wailed.
"She looks like me! Fenedhis lasa! Why does she look like me?"
The woman kissed her daughter's brow. "Arille. I want you to be on your best behaviour. Your Papae has been very busy. I have missed him as much as you have, but we must give him the space he needs".
"Yes, Mamae. I'll be good".
Ellana gaped when her double smiled.
"Ma serannas".
It was like looking into a mirror.
Large almond eyes, a straight nose, high cheekbones, and a rosebud mouth. Her face was angular if softened around the edges where a man's was hard and square. Her hair, paler than Ellana's own, was the colour of hand-spun silver. She was eerily beautiful in the way of the Elvhen with delicate elfin features and large pointed ears.
"Why does she look like me?" demanded Ellana.
Fen'Harel pressed his cheek to hers. He kissed the lobe of her pointed elven ear. His reply was short and simple. He gazed at the woman he had once loved and lost. She had been everything to him then just as she was now.
"I have always known you", he told her. "And I have always loved you".
"Who is she?"
Fen'Harel nuzzled her cheek. "She was the woman with whom I shared my heart and bed. She was the mother of the orphan we chose to adopt. She was and will always be the love of my life. She would have become my wife if Solas had not betrayed us both".
"Your what?"
"My wife", reiterated Fen'Harel.
"But you're a spirit!"
"I chose to be real for her".
Ellana took a shaky breath. Her heart beat wildly inside her chest. She was astounded by Fen'Harel's revelation. She couldn't quite believe that he was akin to Cole. Her odd spirit come friend lacked Fen'Harel's social skills and cheekiness.
"You're nothing like Cole".
Fen'Harel smiled. "That is true".
Ellana watched her double lift little Arille into her arms.
"What was her name?"
"Solas and I knew her as Melana for her time with us was short", revealed Fen'Harel. "Arille knew her only as Mamae. Our followers called her Fen'Asha in honour of her relationship with me. Her brother named her Sulevin for her willingness to do what he could not. She gave up her true name when she followed him into the service of one of the Evanuris".
"Who did she serve?"
Fen'Harel sighed. "You know, vhenan".
Ellana had only met one member of the Evanuris. She remembered a wizened human face crowned with snowy hair and horns wrapped in red ribbon. Eyes as yellow as the sun had glinted under slender black brows. She had been old and all too human, but still eerily beautiful. Her voice too had been cold and gravelly like pebbles rolling underwater.
"Asha'bellanar", declared Ellana.
"She was Mythal to the Elvhen", corrected Fen'Harel.
"To the Dalish she is Asha'bellanar and to the shemlen she is Flemeth".
"And you met the leader of her guard. He is Melana's elder brother".
Ellana studied the woman wearing her face. Her silver hair and golden eyes were reminiscent of one person. Only one member of Mythal's guard resembled her in face and form. His eyes were just as golden and his hair was just as silver. Ellana remembered an elven face gazing out from under the shadow of a gilded cowl.
"Abelas".
"Yes, vhenan", said Fen'Harel. "Did you ever wonder why he and his comrades did not kill you?"
"I am not this Melana of yours!" Ellana snarled. "And he is not my brother!"
"You are the woman I have always loved. Your denial will not change what I know to be true. You are my vhenan, my Melana, the love of my life renewed. You may refuse to acknowledge a kinship with Abelas, but I doubt you will be able to avoid him. He knows you are alive, vhenan, and so he will try sooner or later to find you again".
"He is not part of my family!"
Fen'Harel sighed.
"The Elvhen believed an elven soul would return to life to resolve past mistakes. It would take time as all things do, but they would always be reborn. Melana failed as I did to stop Solas from creating the Veil. This time around, vhenan. I believe you are here to rectify that mistake".
Ellana trembled like a leaf. She recalled the vallaslin she had worn in her youth. She had revered Mythal and gladly accepted the privilege of wearing her vallaslin. The twining emerald branches had been tattooed onto her brow, temples, cheeks, and chin. Ellana had worn it proudly for many years until she'd met an odd little hedgemage named Solas.
"I did once wear the Dahl'amythal", admitted Ellana.
"As did Melana", affirmed Fen'Harel. "And now you wear my vallaslin".
"Did she die?"
"Yes".
"Did Solas kill her?"
"You will see, vhenan", promised Fen'Harel. "Come. Let us follow Melana through the camp. She will lead us to where we need to go. Solas awaits us in a tent not far from here".
Elvish, Tevene, Qunlat Translations: Courtesy of the Dragon Age Wiki
Solas – Pride.
Fen'Harel – The Dread Wolf – The elven god of Rebellion, Betrayal, and Trickery.
Vhenan – Heart.
Fenedhis lasa – An elven curse, likely translated into 'grant or give me wolf crap' or similar.
Elvhen – Our people. A term used by the ancient and modern elves in reference to their race, culture, and society.
Ir abelas – I am sorry.
Ma da'vhenan – My little heart.
Garas ma – Come with me.
Papae – Father.
Mamae – Mother.
Ma serannas – My thanks.
Melana – Time.
Sulevin – Purpose.
Abelas – Sorrow.
Dahl'amythal – The Tree of Mythal - Refers to the tree depicted in the vallaslin of Mythal.