Hello my dear friends,
I once again thank you for your love & reviews & support because it means the world to me. 3 You guys are the best and I couldn't keep on writing without you!
I hope you'll like this chapter, here is one expected part… Marian tells Robin about their baby…
Love you all !
-2008-
Robin came inside the coffee and saw Marian right away. She was fidgeting and he had suddenly a bad feeling about it all.
But it was too late.
He couldn't back down now.
So, he took a deep breath and walked to her.
"Marian."
The young woman looked up and tried a smile but she seemed tense. He sat in front of her, ordered a tea and then waited for her to speak.
But he felt uneasy and he would have given anything to have Regina by his side right now.
"You still drink tea." She smiled and he nodded,
"I do."
A silence.
"Robin…"
"Why now, Marian?" he finally asked and her eyes widened. "Why do you want to tell me the truth about us now? It was years ago…"
"6 to be exact." She whispered and he nodded.
"Yes. 6 years. That's an awfully long time, don't you think?"
And then, he didn't understand why but her breath caught and a sob escaped her.
"Oh God."
"What is it?"
Marian took a deep breath and then took something out of her pocket and laid it in a trembling hand in front of him. It was an ultrasound, and Robin frowned.
"You're pregnant? Is that why you wanted to see me?" he asked, confused.
"Look at the date, Robin."
He sighed and then his eyes found the date and his heart froze.
10.12.2002
Robin froze.
He absolutely froze.
Marian had left him in June, 2002. A few weeks after they graduated high school.
Frantic blue eyes met brown and he couldn't speak.
"Marian… Have I" his breath caught up. "Have I got a child? Have we got a child?"
A child.
And then she started sobbing.
Big, loud sobs and he didn't know what to do.
Again, with his bad feeling.
"Oh Robin…" she cried and he didn't know what to do, took her hand and squeezed it. "I… I was pregnant."
"I don't understand."
He did.
He did understand and it was breaking his heart.
He couldn't believe it.
He refused to believe it.
"I've lost the baby." Her voice broke and he let go of her hand, eyes wide and so very confused.
"What?"
She took a deep shaky breath and wiped her cheeks.
"It still hurts like hell to talk about it." She admitted. "But you deserve to know the whole truth."
"I don't understand." He said again because it was all he could say and it was the truth.
"When I left you at the end of high school… I was pregnant." His breath stopped. "I panicked, Robin. I was so young and I didn't know what to do."
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"We were going in different colleges!" she tried to explain, fidgeting again. "I … I was so very afraid. I thought it was for the best. I really did. I swear." He swallowed. "My pregnancy… it didn't go well. I… I've lost the baby a week after that last ultrasound. She was …" she started sobbing again. "Oh God. She was too young Robin…" and now he was crying too, big tears rolling down his cheeks as his heart tore and tore until he couldn't breathe anymore. "Barely 6 months and… she …she didn't make it. But she was so beautiful. So beautiful our baby girl."
"A girl?" he asked, his voice breaking because this was too much.
It was too much.
How could one cope with the death of a daughter he knew nothing about?
"A beautiful little girl." She was crying but smiling at the same time. "I've called her Helen, like your mother."
"Oh my God." He sobbed and put a hand on his mouth, trying to stifle himself but he couldn't.
He just couldn't.
"I am so sorry, Robin…" brown eyes met blue.
"Why... Why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't." she was crying and crying, "I couldn't admit that our daughter had died because of me."
"No." he cut her. "No. It… it wasn't your fault."
He believed that, at least.
"I've lost our baby, Robin." She sobbed and then he couldn't take it anymore and got up, took a sit next to her and did the only thing he could think of, he hugged her tightly against him.
Nothing made sense anymore.
He had a daughter.
A daughter.
He was a father.
And God, if he loved that child.
He had never known her, had never seen her, would never hold her.
But he knew he would always have her in his heart.
And…
And it was partly his fault.
He had given up on Marian.
She had to live through all that alone. And if he had been there… Maybe their daughter would be alright.
6 years.
She could have his eyes, or his dimples… Robin closed his eyes and the picture of a little girl smiling at him broke his heart all over again and he sobbed harder.
It wasn't fair.
It just wasn't fair.
Marian receded from him and he saw the pain he felt in her eyes.
"Robin, I am sorry. I know you're in a happy relationship…"
He froze, the thought of Regina and receded from Marian but she cupped his cheeks.
"Marian…"
"I know. And I am so very sorry for my timing." She took a deep breath, trying to calm her sobs. "But Robin, I still love you." His heart stopped. "And … And I truly believe we can still have it."
"Have what?" he whispered.
"A family." She stroked his cheeks and he was so very lost. "A family, Robin. Children. It… They will never replace our baby girl but… But we could honor her and tell our future children about their big sister. That she didn't get to live but is watching them from heaven…"
It was too much.
He couldn't breathe.
He. Couldn't. Breathe.
No.
A daughter.
A beautiful daughter.
How could he miss someone he had never even met?
But he did.
It was like a whole in his heart.
A whole in his soul.
Nothing would ever be the same.
"I don't know what to think, right now." He breathed, getting up and sitting back in front of her running a hand through his hair.
"I am sorry." She looked down, "But please think about it."
Robin could barely hear her.
A daughter.
He had a daughter.
A daughter.
-2015 / 3 weeks later-
Madelyn was mad.
So very mad.
Because she had trusted Robin to do the right thing and yet, Regina was still miserable and she was so sure the man was the cause of it.
But no.
She wouldn't let him broke her heart again.
So, she rang at his door and was ready to give him a piece of her mind when the door opened and she gasped.
"You look like hell." Was all that she said and he smiled sadly, let her in his place.
"Good morning to you too, Madelyn."
She frowned and came in.
And then she asked what she came for.
They had wasted enough time.
(More like years, already.)
"Are you really giving up on her again?"
Robin's eyes widened.
"Excuse me?"
"Regina. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."
He sighed and walked to the kitchen, poured himself a whiskey and Mal frowned because it was way too early for this shit.
"I've tried." He finally said.
"That's it? You've tried? I always thought you to be a lot of things, Robin Locksley, but not one to just give up."
Robin chuckled bitterly and drank his glass.
"Look, Regina has not answered any of my calls or texts or even visits." Their eyes locked. "And God knows I tried to reach her but I couldn't."
"Robin, you know how she is-"
"No." he cut her softly. "I won't force myself on her after all that she went through because of me." He took a deep breath. "If what she wants is to move on from me, from us… Then I shall grant her that wish." He seemed tortured for a second and then that blank mask was back on. "And that's my final word."
Madelyn sighed loudly.
How could they both be so stubborn?!
Regina had taken a decision and she was trying to stick to it.
No matter what.
No matter how much she wanted to run to Robin, no matter how much she wanted to see him or talk to him or even touch him.
No.
No matter how much she kept replaying in her mind the night (and morning) they shared a couple of weeks ago.
Then her phone rang and she jumped, before sighing softly when she saw who was calling her.
"Daniel?"
"Hi. I just wanted to make sure you were still okay for tonight?"
Regina swallowed.
She had made her decision.
No matter what.
"Of course."
"Then it's a date!" said joyously Daniel and she should feel happy.
She should.
She would.
With time.
"Sounds like a plan."
"See you at 7?"
"Perfect."
And when she closed the call she buried her face in her hands and groaned out loud, trying to remove the image of the blue eyed-man she was so in love with…
And who wasn't the man she was just talking over the phone with.
Robin was unhappy.
That much was clear.
To everyone.
Including Marian.
She was at the door of the bar, it was almost 7pm and her former husband was sat on the bar, nursing a glass of whiskey. She was worried about him and Roland was worried about him. So, she walked to him,
"Is this seat taken?"
He shrugged.
"Not stopping you."
A silence.
"What's happening, Robin?"
"Nothing."
She sighed and then squeezed his hand and his eyes shot to hers, he looked heartbroken and she could only see one reason…
"Is it Regina?"
Robin chuckled darkly and removed his hand softly, ending his glass.
"It's complicated, Marian."
She took a deep breath.
"You know you can talk to me."
"About Regina?" he chuckled again. "Oh yes, that would be bloody fantastic."
"Robin…"
He shook his head.
"It's just…" then he sighed. "Forget about it. Where is Roland?"
"With Keith. But you're changing the subject."
He scoffed.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because despite everything Robin, you are my oldest friend." Their eyes met, "We have a son together and you know I still feel responsible for breaking your relationship with Regina so many years ago." He didn't say anything so she added, "Let me help."
Robin seemed to think about it and then the couple of whiskeys he already had seemed to have loosened his tongue because he finally let go, proud shoulders sinking.
"It's over."
Marian gasped.
"What?"
"Regina and I." he was studying his glass. "It's over."
"But-"
"For real, this time."
A silence.
"I am so sorry."
And she meant it.
As strange as it may sound.
"I knew this would happen." He finally admitted and she frowned. "It was only meant to be temporary and… And I let myself think that perhaps…"
"What are you talking about, Robin?"
He sighed again and looked at her.
"I haven't been entirely honest." He finally said and her eyes widened.
"How so?"
"Regina and I weren't together. At least not for real."
"I don't understand."
"She needed someone to pretend to be her date at some high school reunion… I did. We both knew it was only meant to be temporary." He looked down, fingers tracing the edge of his glass. "But I really thought... I thought there was still something between us. That it could perhaps be our second chance at love and happiness." Marian looked down a few seconds, "But that was all me, convincing myself of things that couldn't be."
"I doubt that very much." He frowned, "Regina loves you, the way she was looking at you the day we saw each other couldn't be fake."
He scoffed.
"Perhaps. But she can't forgive me so what is the use?"
"But-"
"I had forgotten that you had seen her. Want to know something funny?"
"Robin..."
"She actually started acting weird after you saw her."
And that had Marian stopped.
"What did you just say?"
"What?"
"Everything was alright before?"
Robin shrugged but she saw the pain.
"I thought so, at least. I don't know what happened."
Marian thought about it.
And then it clicked.
Of course.
"You know what?" he said and she focused on him once again, "I knew it would end again and it would hurt again but God, it feels like losing her all over again and I don't know how to deal with that." he looked down, admitting quietly. "I've never known how to deal with that."
Her heart broke for him.
"I am so sorry, Robin."
He shrugged.
"I fail to see where this is your fault." He looked down and she knew what she had to do.
So, she got up and squeezed his shoulder,
"Everything will work out in the end, Robin."
"I really doubt that." He whispered, "But thanks for trying."
Marian was speechless for an instant.
But then…
Then she swore to herself that she would make this right.
Regina came inside the bar, Daniel just behind her. She still felt uneasy about this whole dating thing, but she had to get Robin out of her system.
She had to.
( She couldn't.)
"I've booked a table, Colter?" said the man and the waitress smiled, pointed them to a table where they both sat.
"I am so happy we're doing this." smiled Daniel and she tried a smile back.
"Me too."
"I am sorry things didn't work out with Robin." Regina's heart stopped. "You two seemed so close at the reunion..."
Oh God.
"I'd rather not talk about it, if it's okay with you."
"Of course!" Daniel's eyes widened. "I am sorry."
"It's okay. Should we order?"
He smiled and looked at the menu, Regina took a chance to look around her and as she was scanning the bar, her heart absolutely stopped in her chest.
No.
It couldn't be.
Oh God, no.
Because she would recognize him anywhere...
Sat at the bar, his back to her was the man she couldn't get out her mind off.
"Robin..." she breathed and Daniel looked up,
"What did you say?"
"I'll try the beans." she tried instead and he hummed,
"Sounds good."
Regina tried a smile but she couldn't help her eyes falling on Robin every two seconds.
Oh God.
Please, don't turn around.
Oh please.
Robin was nursing yet another whiskey, thinking about all the choices he had made that had led him there.
He chuckled darkly.
The woman of his life, the woman he had loved since he was 22 had left him for good.
He would die alone.
That was a truth he was only starting to get.
And that hurt like hell.
Because he only wanted her.
But she wasn't his.
Would never be his again.
Robin ended his glass and then looked at his watch, frowning.
7 :30?
Bloody hell he had spent another day in this fucking bar, thinking about her.
He had to move.
He had to do something.
Perhaps all his chances at love were gone for good, but he still had Roland.
He still had his son.
Robin took a deep breath, left some cash on the bar and then turned around ready to leave when his eyes caught eyes of someone.
Her.
Regina.
Their eyes locked and time seemed to stop.
But then he saw it.
The way she was dress, the man in front of her... Daniel.
Robin had never hated someone that much without knowing him before.
Regina's heart stopped when their eyes met.
God, she loved him.
She loved him so much.
Who had she fooled?
How could she think she would be able to live without him?
Robin swallowed and tried a smile but knew he must look so pitiful to her, so he just waved and turned around ready to leave like the coward that he was.
Regina couldn't let him go.
Not without telling him tonight was not what he thought...
"Excuse me for a second?" she said and Daniel's eyes widened,
"Oh." he smiled slightly, "Of course."
And then he kept reading the menu and she fled.
Robin stopped outside and took a big, deep breath.
That would be his life from now on.
She would fall in love and he would be forced to watch it.
Karma's a bitch, right?
"Robin!"
The man froze before turning around and he hoped – God he hoped, that she wouldn't see how his eyes were glassy in the dark, how hurt he was by the fact that she was on a date with someone else while his broken heart was killing him.
"Good evening, Regina." he said instead and her eyes widened. His eyes roamed over her figure before stopping at her face and he smiled so tenderly, "You look beautiful."
Even in the dark, he saw her blush.
"Thank you." she breathed and then put a strand of hair behind her ear, "Robin, about-"
"You don't owe me an explanation, Regina." he said sadly, looking down a few seconds.
"Oh."
"As a matter of facts, you don't owe me anything. You've been pretty clear about that last time we met."
And it still hurt him so much, the way she had rejected his love and heart.
"Robin..."
"And I understand." She opened the mouth but he didn't see her, "It kills me, but I do understand."
A small silence settled
And then…
She sighed before taking a deep breath.
"I've missed you." and his heart stopped, hope coming in despite all his best efforts. "We've barely left each other's side in over a month and now..."
"I miss you too." he breathed and then his treacherous hand raised and cupped her cheek tenderly, bringing her closer and she took the steps. "You know I do." he breathed and there was so much tension between them.
God there was still this spark, he could feel it and was pretty sure she could feel it too and it was killing him.
But it was her decision.
And he was a gentleman.
So…
So, Robin sighed and let his forehead fall on hers for a few seconds, relished in the way her breath hitched.
"Regina..." he breathed and he had to let her go but that was still the hardest thing in his life.
"I know." she breathed, hands gripping the lapel of his jacket and for one precious moment he let himself believe things could be different, before reality came crashing in and he sighed again, kissed her brow tenderly before letting her go and was it possible to feel this empty?
"Have a good night." he breathed and God, it was killing him to say that. "Daniel is a good man."
"Robin..." she breathed and now her eyes were shining with unshed tears and no, he couldn't have that. So, he took her hand and laid one final reverent kiss upon it.
"Goodbye, Regina."
He left,
But as usual…
She kept his heart with her.
Regina's heart was pounding loudly in her chest as she watched Robin walk away from her.
Again.
God, she wasn't strong enough for that.
She never had been.
But…
But she wished she was strong enough to come after him.
She wasn't either.
She had chosen to have faith once before and had been burnt like never before.
Something was blocking her.
So, the brunette closed her eyes and a few tears fell, until she took a deep breath, wiped her cheeks and came back inside.
But she knew there wouldn't be any other dates for a while.
She knew Robin was the one and if she couldn't let herself have him, then she would have no one else.
Regina came back to Daniel, heart beating so fast in her chest. The man frowned when he saw her,
"Everything alright?"
"I am sorry." Her voice broke. "I can't do this. I thought I could…"
"But you still love Robin." Daniel smiled sadly. "I understand."
"I am so very sorry-"
"Regina, stop." He cut her gently. "It's on me. I've been stupid. I've seen the way you looked at each other at the reunion… You are so clearly in love. I was a fool to think you could forget about him in such a short amount of time."
She looked down and then up,
"I feel awful."
"Don't." he took her hand, squeezed it. "I would give a lot, Regina, just to feel that kind of love."
She chuckled darkly.
"Well, that kind of love is brought with a huge amount of pain."
He studied her, tilting his head.
"Isn't it what makes it worth it in the end?" She froze, and he smiled again. "Could we perhaps enjoy this dinner as friends? Now that everything is clear between us."
She smiled,
"I'd like that."
Robin was home.
Roland was with his mother, so he had decided he would give himself this last night to feel sorry for himself, and then he would stop it and focus on what was important right now: his son. He had lost Regina by his own fault, so he couldn't keep on blaming the Universe.
He had to face the consequences of his actions.
But tonight…
Tonight, Robin did something he had not done in a very, very long time.
He got up and walked to the cupboard on the living room, taking an album there and smiling tenderly before he sat on the couch and opened it.
It was their album.
Regina and him.
Pictures they had taken during their relationship… He had taken it the night he had left and had been carrying it around ever since, looking back at it every time he felt alone, or lonely, or lost.
When he was missing her too much.
Today was certainly one of those days.
He looked at one picture taken the day they had moved in together, they looked so young and in love. He remembered the feeling, remembered feeling like nothing could take him down as long as she was in his arms…
Robin stroked her face tenderly and wasn't surprised to feel a tear rolling down his cheek.
One more night.
One more night to cry the love of his life.
Marian was nervous.
This could be a very bad idea…
But Robin may not have understood but she did.
Or at least she hoped she did.
Regina had acted this way seeing her.
So, she was the one who had to talk to her.
But again, this could be a really, really bad idea.
Someone knocked at Regina's door and she hoped so badly it could be Robin.
She missed him so much she was going crazy.
But it wouldn't be him because Robin was honorable, and she had pushed him away and he was gone.
She would have to move on from that.
She got up and then opened the door…
And then her heart absolutely stopped in her chest, fury rising as she looked at the person in front of her.
"Marian…" she breathed.
-2008 –
Robin finally left Marian with the promise to think about what she said, and now he knew he had to compose himself because he couldn't go home like that, Regina knew him too well.
But could he go home at all?
A baby girl.
He had had a daughter.
New tears pricked at the back of his eyes and no.
No, he couldn't do this.
He couldn't just go back to his life like nothing happened.
His world had crashed down around him and right now, he needed some time to think and try to sort things out.
A daughter.
Helen.
His daughter.
Robin took his phone and tried to write something through blurry eyes,
RL: Regina, the meeting with Marian is over and went well, don't worry. But I am sorry, John just called me and need me ASAP. I won't be home tonight. xx
It was all a lie. Nothing was right.
But he couldn't tell her.
No.
He wasn't strong enough to say it out loud.
Say that he had let Marian down and let their daughter down.
He should have known Marian was acting strange, should have searched deeper.
His daughter.
Helen.
His beautiful little girl who would be 6 …
If only…
If only.
Regina had been anxiously waiting for news about Robin all afternoon and when her phone biped she literally jumped on it.
And then her heart stopped.
Okay.
She needed to breath.
She needed to trust Robin.
He had been so adamant to say that he loved her and only her.
He had practically told her he was going to propose soon.
So…
So Regina Mills did the most difficult thing in her whole life…
She chose to have faith.
"Okay Robin…" she breathed, "Don't make me regret this."
RM: I understand. Tell John I said hi. I love you. xx
Then she took a deep breath and tried to calm her beating heart.
She had made her choice.
She would have faith.
Faith in Robin.
Faith in their love.
He would be back to her.
She chose to be sure of it.
A/N: So?
Answers to my Guest:
Guest #1: So sorry I made you cry, but so happy that you liked this my friend! I hope you'll like what will happen next... ;)