All my life, I've been running towards the fight.

Oh Lord, when I die, make my life a lullaby.

'Til that lonely night, keep my fire burning like a star.

I'm not afraid of the dark.

Too many years that I've wasted, now I can't slow down.

I'm just so scared that I'm fading, I just can't slow down.

I'm not afraid...

The Dark, ZZ Ward

852 Hell Days Earlier

Hell wasn't as bad as Alice remembered it being.

For a long time, she assumed she was losing her mind. Hell was exactly the same now as it had been the last time she was here. The place wasn't exactly known for its fluid nature. After years and years, she realized it wasn't hell that was different; it was her.

The first time she'd been sentenced to rot here for eternity, the hopelessness had been overwhelming. She didn't know it at the time, but the hopelessness was the worst part of hell. Now, she was here with a purpose. After every session on the rack, she had a reason to laugh at a joke only she was in on. She wouldn't be here forever this time, assuming she could force Naziel to keep his promise. Granted, that was about as likely as one of these demons handing her a slice of cheesecake. No, Alice had plenty of time to think while she was looking for Dean Winchester. Thirty years was a long time. Long enough to come up with a lot of bad plans and one that was simple, beautiful and infallible.

All she needed was one good plan.

"Dean Winchester. I need to see Dean Winchester."

Saying it out loud had been a mistake, a slip-up she'd made years ago, but she was running with it. What was the worst that could happen?

After a decade, she became sure that the worst that could happen was pretty terrible. She'd been hoping hell wouldn't be able to miss the opportunity to taunt them with each other. Maybe it knew keeping them apart would be worse.

"I did a thousand years," she told herself. She spent a lot of time talking to herself these days. "What's one more day? What's one more day?"

"Cute," the demon holding the knife commented. Alice recognized this guy. He was an amateur. This would be an easy day. At least, as easy as a day could get when you were going to spend it with some asshole sorting your organs into neat piles on the table next to you while you watched.

"Hey, how would you like a promotion, pee-wee?" Alice said. "How'd you like to finally do something so bad it gets you some attention? Gets you some recognition? This is baby stuff and you know it."

He was a man of few words. He replied by hacking off one of her fingers. She screamed, then she laughed, then they did it again. It was shaping up to be another day in paradise.

"Mark!"

A voice rang out, stopping the demon mid-slice. He turned to look at someone Alice couldn't see. Still, she recognized the voice.

"Look, I like your enthusiasm," Parsifal told him. "But when they're laughing, it means you're doing something wrong. It's hell, not a comedy workshop."

Mark the demon nodded as Parsifal sauntered into Alice's line of vision.

"Then again," he mused, "After a thousand years and change, there's not much left you can do to a person that they won't laugh at."

"Perse," Alice all but purred. "I never thought I'd see you again. What brings you down this way? Meat suit and all. Must be a special occasion."

"You're not wrong. I've got a new job."

"Exciting. What is it, torture auditor? Pain coach?"

"Something like that... there's a very special project upper management felt they needed a fresh set of minds working on," he explained. "See if some new blood wasn't just what they needed to solve a problem that's been stumping the old timers for over two hundred years."

"Two hundred years? That's a drop in the bucket down here," Alice said dismissively. "What's the rush?"

"You got me there. But hey, I'm not one to question a turn of good fortune," Parsifal said.

"And you what, thought that while you were in the neighborhood it would be nice to drop by and make sure your old buddy was getting the quality torture she deserves?" Alice cackled. She realized that she sounded like a lunatic. I f anyone deserved a little lunacy, it was her.

"Not quite. Why, Alice, I'm here to do you a favor," Parsifal informed her.

Her heart skipped a beat. She remembered their last meeting, when he'd hinted at being able to 'get her promoted fast'. Was that why he was here? To get her off this rack for good?

Of course, she thought with a sinking feeling, that would mean becoming a demon. Despite that, she still felt relieved. The thought that had once been so odious to her now felt like salvation. She had to face the reality that even if she made it out of hell again, even if Naziel was as good as his word, she would always be hunted. There would always be a mark on her soul, damning her to an eternity she could either spend on the run or the rack. 'Promotion' was as close to a way out as she would ever get.

"I know you've been asking for quite some time now to see that friend of yours. Dean Winchester."

"Oh. Yeah."

It was what Alice wanted, but after her brief fantasy of demonhood and it's perks, the sudden realization of her goal fell flat.

"You sound disappointed."

"Last time I saw you, you said you could get me promoted fast," she sighed.

"Oh right. That time you tortured me for hours on end," Parsifal recalled, a bitter edge creeping into his tone.

"Hey, if you're sore about it, why are you doing me any favors at all?" Alice asked.

"I guess I have to admit, there's something in it for me," he grinned.

"What?"

"Oh. You'll see."

Parsifal and his grin disappeared into the shadows and two more demons stepped forward to grab Alice.

"Hold on."

Dean interrupted Alice's story, putting a hand up to stop her as his headache came back. She was feeding him the same line of crap as the other Smiths.

"I don't buy this," he informed her. "Angels? Had you in hell looking for me? That's just... You know that's crazy, right?"

"You act like you never tangled with angels before," Alice scowled, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I never have."

"Um, Bisbee?" she reminded him. "1992? Roger's house, Anna, Naziel, huge demonic splash party? Is none of this ringing any bells?"

"Look, I don't know who or what that Anna woman was," Dean growled. "But she was NOT an angel. Maybe that's what she told you, maybe you bought that line of crap, but I'm telling you, she was just another monster."

"What is it with you and- You know what? I could give a rat's ass. Keep your skepticism," Alice hissed. "I'll call them angels and you can believe that they're the tooth fairy's overpaid assistants for all I care."

Dean hated the hostility in her tone. He hated that he had her stuck in a circle of salt. He hated that she had brought them to this and he hated that he didn't have many choices at this point. She hadn't given him a lot of choices and he hated her for backing him into such a crappy corner.

"Can I finish the story, or do you have any other details you'd like to call crazy? You know, in this totally believable tale of how you escaped from hell," Alice snarked.

"Go on."

Dean didn't look happy, but Alice wasn't interested in making him happy. She knew about the angel Kaydie had riding shotgun and she needed time to figure out how she was going to wiggle her way out of this one. She needed to figure out what she would do next if she did manage to escape from Dean.

Alice needed to stall as long as was humanly possible.

"You wanna tell me where we're going?"

The demons marched Alice though hell's shifting landscape. One minute they trudged through ice and snow, the next across a dry, barren plain, the next a burning, sulfurous wasteland. Hell was many things, none of them pleasant.

"I asked a question," Alice said.

"I heard the first time. Ask again and I'll knock your teeth out," the demon to her left threatened.

"Ooh, scary," she taunted.

True to her word, the demon dealt her a blow that left her head spinning and sent a few of her teeth flying. She dropped to her knees, spat out a mouthful of blood and tongued the aching holes left in her gums.

"You missed a couple," she told the demon.

"My bad," she growled. "Let me take care of the rest of those for you."

Her second strike sent Alice to the ground where she lay groaning quietly.

"You like your job too much," the demon at Alice's right accused the one at her left.

"Sue me."

Alice didn't get back up and the demons didn't waste time trying to force her to. They grabbed her under her arms and hauled her the rest of the way. Hell's ever changing scenery settled into dirty, wet concrete that scraped Alice's knees bloody as the demons dragged her across it. She remained limp, too dazed and jaded to care about the new injuries. Finally, they took her through a door and let her fall back to the ground. She hit her head and her vision went black for a moment. The loss in consciousness would have been nice if it lasted longer. Too soon, she was brought back to her senses by someone grabbing her hair. She shrieked as she was hauled to her feet, momentarily forgetting herself and hell. She cursed and threw a punch that had no effect on her assailant.

"You son of a bitch! You'd better kill me! I swear to god if you don't kill me I'll-"

"Alice!"

She was stopped cold by a familiar voice. Dean's voice. Her gaze snapped up to meet his. Jarringly, she remembered who she was, where she was and why.

"Dean," she gasped, forgetting to struggle for a moment as she processed the scene.

After so many long, long years of searching, hoping in vain, there he was. Dean Winchester, not in the flesh, but in the spirit. Close enough for government work. He was strapped to a rack only feet from her. If she took three steps forward, she would be able to touch him. She tried, but someone held her back and she cried out as their hold on her hair tightened. Still, her mood was undampened. This was it. It was all over.

"Dean!" Alice said again, this time with a grin. "Finally! I've been looking for you for... that doesn't matter. We're going to get out of here! Dean!"

He looked at her like she was insane. Not a bad assumption, given the circumstances. In spite of it all, Alice felt saner than she had in three decades.

Suddenly, their places were reversed. Alice was strapped to the rack while Dean stood five feet from her, swaying dangerously. They were both disoriented and Alice was impressed that Dean had managed to keep his footing. She might have dropped to her knees if she wasn't secured to the table.

"Feisty, feisty, this one."

A demon stood over her with a scalpel and a wicked smile. He spoke to Dean tauntingly.

"She reminds me of you the first time we met. Remember how I cut that fighting spark out of you, Dean?"

The demon stroked her cheek with the blade but didn't break her skin. Dean started forward, rage written all over his features as the demons who had brought Alice in grabbed him and held him back.

"Alastair! I swear to God if you touch her-"

"Touch!"

Alastair slapped a hand to Alice's bare stomach. It was more than his burning, cracking skin that made her flinch. She knew his name, knew him by reputation. The demon cackled with delight at his joke while Dean struggled and Alice realized she was caught in the middle of something she wouldn't want to be found within a hundred miles of.

"Tell you what, Dean my boy," Alastair grinned. "She's obviously important to you. I'll cut you a deal."

He motioned to the demons and they brought Dean closer. Alastair flipped the razor, offering it to Dean by its handle.

"I won't touch a hair on her precious head... as long as you do the honors instead."

Dean's expression contorted with horror. Alice was out of the loop and she was hoping to keep it that way. Desperately, fervently, she prayed. She called out to Naziel with every ounce of concentration she could muster given the circumstances. She closed her eyes while Alastair continued to barter with Dean over her body.

"Never! I'd never-"

"You'd never hurt her?" Alastair interrupted him. "You'd never be able to bring yourself to spill a single drop of her blood? Let me paint a picture for you Dean."

Alice gasped in pain as her abdomen lit up with agony, forcing her eyes to snap open. Alastair was quite literally painting a picture in her skin with his razor.

"You can cut the bitch a few times, shallow as you like," Alastair purred. "Or I can do... this."

He presented his masterpiece and though Alice couldn't see it with her head strapped to the rack, Dean's sickened expression told her it could be nothing short of horrific.

"Oh, and don't let me forget," Alastair added, "My previous offer still stands. Come on, Winchester, this is a double win for you. Spare your former lover an artful dismemberment and buy your way off the rack for the rest of eternity. What do you have to lose?"

Dean just gaped, at a loss for words. He took too long with his answer and Alastair sighed.

"Very well then... as you wish, Winchester. Hold this for me, my dear."

He casually plunged the razor into Alice's arm. She screamed as she felt a tendon snap. Pain fired through her entire body, though the wound seemed minor by all outward appearances. With a chill, she realized Alastair's dread reputation was well-earned. As opposed to the amateur she'd been stuck with earlier, she now found herself at the mercy of a true master of the art of torture.

Dementedly, the demon began to sing as he looked over an arsenal of tools.

"All of me," he sang, running his fingers lovingly over his blades. "Why not take all of me? Can't you see... I'm no good without you. Take my lips..."

His touch lingered over a pair of shears that made Alice's skin crawl, but they moved on.

"... I want to lose them! Take my arms..."

He picked up a butcher knife and turned back to her.

"I'll never use them!"

"Where the hell are you, you son of a bitch?!" Alice shouted. Naziel was taking way too long to answer her call.

"Alastair! Stop!"

The demon paused, watching Dean expectantly.

"I'll do it!" Dean yelled desperately. "I'll do it! Stop, please just stop! I'll do it, I swear!"

"I love the enthusiasm!" Alastair crowed. "Exquisite."

He brought the cleaver down swiftly and Alice didn't have time to prepare herself for the pain before a loud 'clunk!' informed her that he had sunk it deep into the wood of the table beneath her rather than into her body. He pulled the razor from her flesh and flipped it playfully through the air. Despite herself, Alice had to admire his skill with the blade. She would have been jealous if she wasn't so busy being terrified.

At a nod from Alastair, the demons released Dean and stepped back. Dean leaned heavily against the table, catching Alice's frightened gaze. He looked as scared as she felt.

"I'm sorry," he told her as he took the razor from Alastair.

Alice's stomach turned. Somehow, the thought of Dean doing this to her was worse than anything Alastair could have done. Alastair could hurt her as bad as he wanted. Dean on the other hand... she was supposed to be able to trust Dean. After all, hunters didn't torture other hunters... did they?

"Dean! Please! You don't have to... they can't make you..."

"Alice, I have to do this," he told her. Something in his eyes stopped her heart cold. Suddenly, she understood. Of course she did. He had the chance to get off the rack forever. The same chance she wanted. How could he turn it down?

Alice prayed harder while Alastair skulked around to stand behind Dean like a twisted shadow.

"Go on, boy," he urged him quietly. "Clock's a-ticking."

"Naziel, please!" Alice whispered, praying out loud in her desperation. Dean leaned down, trying to hear what she was saying. She kept begging for help from on high while he hesitated with the blade poised over her chest.

"Do it!" Alastair hissed violently.

Dean swallowed visibly and Alice felt the razor's edge, freezing in the burning darkness as it kissed her skin. There it rested while Dean remained still, frozen with emotions that Alice didn't have time to decipher. The tense moment was interrupted by the rustle of wings, loud as an avalanche in the stark cell. Dean dropped the razor onto Alice's chest, startled by a sudden shout from one of the demons at his back. There was a flash of light as two angels fought their way past the demons. Alastair tackled one, while the other finished off the demon who had knocked Alice's teeth out and rushed to Dean's side.

"Dean Winchester. Come with me!" he said. Behind them, Alastair wrestled with Naziel. Alice came alive with adrenaline. This was her only chance.

"No, Dean!" she cried, struggling against the straps that bound her to the rack. "Don't go without me! Don't let them take you without me!"

"Castiel! Get him out of here!" Naziel shouted, struggling tremendously with Alastair.

"Dean!"

Castiel grabbed Dean's shoulder. Dean met Alice's eyes as she begged him not to leave her. He said nothing. Did nothing. Just stood still as stone, expressionless as death as the angel pulled him away from her. Desperation gave way to anger as Alice realized he wasn't going to stand up for her.

"Dean! Dean! God damn you, Dean Winchester!"

He and Castiel vanished with a brief flash. Alastair howled and separated himself from the angel, fleeing through the door as his prize was taken. Naziel was left disheveled from their battle, gasping for breath. He straightened and began to recompose himself. Alice knew he was preparing to leave.

"Naziel!" she cried out. "You promised! You know who I am! You can't break that promise!"

Naziel sighed in annoyance and turned to face her. He stood over her, examining her with cold grey eyes.

"I did promise, didn't I?" he said.

"Get me out of here! You have to get me out of here!" Alice plead desperately. This was her last flimsy hope.

"So it would seem," he said. "After all, your unbreakable promises... that Trickster's Touch you bargained for all those years ago..."

He stroked her cheek, watching the swirling colors of her eyes for a long moment. His serene smile put Alice's racing heart at ease. She hardly dared to believe it, but he was saying... he was really going to rescue her. He was going to save her from hell.

"You are so used to getting what you want after living with it for so long, aren't you Smith?"

His tone turned disdainful, filling Alice with dread.

"Naziel-"

"Shhh..."

He covered her mouth with his hand and bent down to examine the swirling colors of her eyes.

"How foolish you are, child," he spat, "To think you could bind one such as I with a mere parlor trick."

Cold terror struck Alice through the heart like a silver spike. Leather straps held her helpless, unable to squirm away as Naziel placed a hand on her forehead. She screamed through his fingers as light flared around them and his power swept through her like an electric current. When it left, she felt dizzy and light as if she were going to float away. Something buzzed in her ears, muffling the sounds of hell and her own labored breathing. She felt no different than before, but she still knew what he had done. She knew that if she were to look in a mirror, she would see eyes that she hadn't seen since she was twelve. Normal eyes.

Naziel had taken away the Trickster's Touch.

"Good-bye and good riddance, Smith."

Naziel disappeared, leaving her alone and bleeding. Hopelessness, complete loss, profound betrayal all crashed over her like a crushing wave. Alice was over. This was her ending. It left her numb with desolation. Alice cried silently while she waited for the demons to return.

Dean listened without interrupting and without showing any emotion.

"So yeah," Alice concluded. "Now that you're all caught up, I'm sure you understand why I've got a bone to pick with you."

"Because I left without you? Did I even have a choice?"

"Of course."

"You sure? 'Cause the way you tell it, it doesn't seem like I had much of a chance to get a word in edgewise before that... guy, zapped me out of the pit."

"Angel. Before that angel zapped you out of the pit," Alice corrected him. She eyed the line of salt separating them. She had an idea, but she wasn't sure if it would work. Even if it did, she would still need to get past Castiel. Vera's body, while technically dead, carried charms that would make her invisible to him, courtesy of her demonic handler. If only she could get back to it... one thing was certain, she would need to go through Dean to do it.

"Whatever. Alice..."

"What?"

"Look, for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Well, it's a nice thought, but it's not worth much if you're not willing to back it up with action," she said pointedly.

"Don't shove that contract in my face again. You know I'm not going to sign it."

"So that's it? After everything we've been through, after what you did, you're just gonna hang me out to dry?" she demanded. "You owe me, Dean."

"So let me help you. Tear that damn paper up and-"

"And what? Go on the run with you?"

"Yeah!"

"I tried running. No one can run forever. Not from death, not from what comes after."

"We'll figure something out. I won't let you go back to hell," Dean said solemnly. "That's a promise."

"Pinky swear?" Alice mocked. "Come on Dean! How much time can we waste fighting the inevitable?"

"Don't give up, Alice," Dean plead. "Not now. Not after we've made it this far!"

"We didn't make it this far!" Alice argued. "You made it on your own! So did I! That's the way forward. Every man for himself."

Dean fell silent as he realized he wasn't going to be able to change her mind. Alice was adamant. She thought it was time for them to go their separate ways. Maybe she was right.

So what the hell was he supposed to do with her now?"

"You never make anything easy, do you?" he scoffed, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Me? Please. My middle name is easy," Alice shot back. She slipped out of Kaydie's shoe. "You're the stubborn one."

Dean didn't miss the strange action and narrowed his eyes at her.

"What are you-"

Before he could finish his question, she kicked the shoe and sent it sliding over the salt line, breaking it. She jumped the portion that remained, flying at Dean. He was ready for her attack, sidestepping her first three blows. He and Alice had fought a few times, just enough that he knew her style well enough to predict the sweeping kick that was meant to topple him. He dodged it and took advantage of the fact that she was now off balance to land a solid kick that sent her to the ground. While she was down he aimed a kick at her gut. Had she been any other woman, he would have felt bad about literally kicking her while she was down, but he knew better than to pull any stops with Alice. She wouldn't hesitate to kick his ass if he gave her the chance.

Alice rolled away from his second kick and retaliated with one of her own. It connected with his shin, bringing him cursing to the ground beside her. The fight turned into a wrestling match riddled with dirty tricks. Alice elbowed Dean in the gut, Dean kneed Alice in the chin. She got in a punch to the face and he retaliated with a brutal headbutt. They struggled tremendously until finally, Dean got a solid upper hand on Alice, holding her securely from behind. One of her hands was trapped beneath her own body and Dean held the other tight against her stomach. His legs weighed hers down and no matter how hard she struggled, Alice found herself unable to escape his grip.

"Alice, stop!" Dean growled, fighting to catch his breath after their battle. Against him, Alice took a break from struggling, though she didn't relax.

"It's over! It's over. Just stop."

She gasped for breath, taking a moment to let her pounding heart calm.

"You're good," she admitted, turning her head to catch his gaze over her shoulder. "I gotta give you that."

"You're no shrinking violet yourself," he replied, tonguing a split lip gingerly.

"Uh-huh."

Alice had one last trick up her sleeve. Whether it would work or not remained to be seen. She leaned back against him, twisting Kaydie's neck to an agonizingly unnatural angle so she could align her lips with his. Dean stiffened, but he had nowhere to go. He groaned into the kiss, fully aware of what she was trying to do.

"That's not gonna work," he said, turning away from her to break the kiss.

"Oh yeah?"

Alice thrust her hips back against his, grinning through bloodied teeth at what she felt there.

"Then what's that? 'Cause I know for a fact I took all the guns off you."

"Alice-"

"You win Dean, ok? You win," Alice insisted, trying to push her lips against his again. "I'm sorry I hit you. I'm sorry about everything. You're right, we can do this together. I guess I... I just forgot what a good team we make."

Dean's heart was pounding and his blood was racing, pushing adrenaline through him at a hundred miles an hour. Alice was telling him what he wanted to hear. He knew it was probably a lie, but he wanted it to be the truth. He wanted it badly and he was willing to take a risk on the chance that it was.

"Come on Dean... what do you say we try it your way?" she suggested, breath hot and heavy on his neck in the aftermath of their intense struggle. "Let's give it a shot."

"If I let you go you're gonna clock me out and start slicing pieces off of me until I sign that stupid contract!" Dean accused.

"I won't! Pinky swear!" Alice swore. "Come on Dean. What do you say we kiss and make up?"

Dean knew it was stupid. He knew it was a bad move on his part, but her lips were tantalizingly close to his and just similar enough to hers to be familiar and inviting. Kaydie's green eyes weren't a far cry from Alice's and now they sparkled with a fire he knew was Alice's. Without telling himself to, he found himself giving in to the kiss that she was pushing on him. It was a relief to press back against her, to feel her meeting him eagerly, parting her lips to let him in. The adrenaline fueled high of the fight flowed seamlessly into another kind of excitement, deeper and just as primal as the thrill of battle. He didn't realize he'd released her hand until he felt it on the back of his neck pulling him closer, until he felt his own fingers winding through her hair in kind. Their breathing, already labored from their fight, grew even heavier as they now fought to get as close to each other as possible.

Alice meant to trick Dean into freeing her and kick his ass in retaliation for the sound beating he'd just dealt her, but she found herself caught up in the moment, unable to tear her lips from his. Heat swept through her as he ran his hands down her desperately and she found herself unable to resist the urge to grind against him as their kiss grew hungrier. Passion ignited deep within her. She moaned deeply, partly from lust and partly from the pain of the bruises that were beginning to form over her ribs where he'd kicked her. Dean answered with a moan of his own, partly born of desire, partly of the fact that Alice was sucking his split lip too hard.

Suddenly, Alice pushed him back and he tensed, preparing to fight her. Before he could, she rolled to follow him, panting as she crushed her lips back against his. Dean let her climb on top of him, unable to stop himself from thrusting his hips up against her as she did. She laced the fingers of her left hand through his right while his mouth moved greedily to her neck and his left hand found the small of her back, pulling her flush against him.

"Dean, I'm sorry!" she gasped, biting her lip and swallowing her moans as she realized how badly she really wanted him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

There was more than regret in her tone. Alice sounded torn. It was just enough warning for Dean to know something was wrong. Not enough for him to do anything in time to avoid the knife she pressed against his throat in the next instant.

"Not sorry enough, apparently," Dean said drily, scowling up at her from the ground.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be, Dean," Alice said. She held his right hand against the cold tile. His left searched for anything that could help him and came into contact with the remains of the salt line.

"Screw you, Smith," Dean spat.

As Alice's features contorted with rage at his intentionally hurtful use of her surname, he hurled a handful of salt at her. With an ear rending shriek, Alice was ejected from Kaydie's body. She fell forward onto Dean, unconscious. Dean shoved her off him with a groan. He lay on the floor for a while, gasping for breath and gathering his wits. Finally, he stood, wincing as he felt the extent of the injuries he'd sustained at Alice's hands. He had a thought of going after Alice, but something told him that as a loose spirit, she wouldn't hang around long.

Dean picked Kaydie up and headed for the exit. He was picking his battles; this was far from over.