In A Manner of My Choosing
By Pyreite
Aftermath
Ellana woke late the next morning. Fen'Harel greeted her with a kiss whilst Arille rolled out of bed yawning. She mumbled a greeting before stumbling her way towards the door. Ellana smiled when she fumbled with the latch. She called out a warning, remembering something important, before Arille opened the door.
"Wait! Your vallaslin!"
Arille cursed and slapped a hand to her face. "Fenedhis! Of all the stupidity! Bull would've seen me for the fraud I am!" She huffed, eyes rolling. A snap of her fingers and the glamour was recast. Arille glanced over her shoulder – Dalish vallaslin in-place again.
"Ma serannas, Mamae".
A tired wave, a mighty yawn, and she turned away to pull the door open.
"I'll get us something to eat".
Ellana blushed when Arille slipped out into the hall. The door closed behind her with a soft click. Fen'Harel snickered in her ear. Ellana elbowed him in the gut. He took the hit, grunting, and pressed himself into the curve of her back.
"You are surprised she calls you mother".
"I suppose".
"Vhenan", he cooed. "Tell me what worries you".
Ellana sighed. "I can't believe Arille doesn't see me any different. It's as if time hasn't passed for her. I have Melana's face, but we're not the same person. It's strange that she thinks I'm her mother when I'm not".
"But you are in a way".
Ellana sniffed. "I'd remember, if I'd had a baby that old".
"Arille is adopted".
"I think, I'd remember that too".
"Oh, vhenan. All will be well. You will see".
Fen'Harel's arms were tight around her waist. He laid his head upon her shoulder – smiling into her neck. The locks of his coal-black hair tumbled down her chest. Ellana tugged on a handful. She smirked when he grimaced and whined like a child.
"Vhenan. That hurts".
"When was the last time you brushed this rat's nest of yours?"
He pouted. "Four thousand years ago – Probably. And my hair is not a nest for rats".
Ellana was horrified. "Four thousand years ago? And it's not a rat's nest yet, but it soon will be".
He sniffed. "Yes – Give or take a few centuries. And you are being rude and insensitive. I spent most of that time imprisoned in my brother's foci – waiting for you to be reborn. If my hair is a rat's nest than it is your fault for taking so long to rescue me".
Ellana giggled. "Should, I apologise for taking my time to get back to you?"
Fen'Harel scowled. "Yes".
She kissed him on the nose. He hummed and leaned inwards for more. Ellana peppered his cheeks with more kisses until he was smiling again. She giggled when she was pulled into his lap, blankets rumpling. A hot mouth covered her own, a tongue sliding between her lips.
Ellana groaned at his impassioned kiss. Fen'Harel took her breath away. Solas had only ever been this wanton, this desperate that once in the Fade. Ellana remembered the scent of snow on the wind, the sound of ice crunching under the soles of her boots. It seemed a long forgotten memory with the feel of the man-cum-spirit in her arms.
Fen'Harel was real. What she'd shared with Solas had been a dream.
Ellana knew which one she preferred. She came up for air moments later, chest heaving. She was panting for breath as if she'd run a mile in a minute. The world faded into the background when she was with Fen'Harel. Everything came second to him – except for Arille.
He was most distracting.
"Maker's breath", she wheezed. "I barely know you, but it's like I always have".
She laughed when he smirked. They came together, brow to brow, nose to nose. Their breath mingled and she was happier than she'd been in years. Ellana cupped his face in the palms of her hands. Her heart fluttered against her ribs like a butterfly in a cage.
"Is this real?"
Fen'Harel chuckled. "It is, vhenan. Believe it. We are together again. This time for good".
She was crying when he kissed her again. He tasted the salt of her misery, bitter upon his tongue. He swallowed each of her sorrowful whimpers. And in moments the tears turned into something else. It was hard to ignore her needy whines when hot fingers skittered across his ribs.
"N-Nae", he stammered. "V-Vhenan".
Ellana bit his lower-lip. "I want you".
Fen'Harel groaned. "You are not yet ready!"
Neither of them heard the bedroom door open, or the shuffle of feet across the floor.
"Well some things never change", lamented Dalish. "You're still trying to get into each other's small-clothes. Not that you're wearing any, Hahren. Although I'd pay ten gold sovereigns to see you prance around in frilly pink bloomers as a wolf or an elf. Mamae might get hot-and-bothered though. She always did like seeing you in lace".
"Lace?" asked Ellana. "Maker's balls. What kind of elf was this Melana?"
Arille's eyes glinted with mischief. "She was no mild-mannered Chantry sister".
Fen'Harel blushed. "That is true". He gave his student a dirty look. "And that is quite enough, da'len. Did you bring food? Ma vhenan is hungry".
Dalish smiled, brows arching. "Of course I did. And, Hahren?"
"What?"
"I can see your prick".
He swore in elvish. Ellana laughed as he threw her aside. She landed on the mattress, bouncing as he yanked on loose sheets and rumpled blankets. Dalish grinned as she watched her Papae's mad scramble for modesty. She waggled her eyebrows when Ellana smiled from ear to ear. Fen'Harel bared his teeth and growled at his beloved.
"Vhenan! This is your fault!"
"How?" retorted Ellana. "You're the one who can't keep his hands to himself".
"Ar lath ma!"
"That's a piss-poor excuse for groping me".
"We have not been together for centuries!" argued Fen'Harel. "I have missed you!"
"Sure. I understand that. But I'm still not responsible for you being naked".
"I suppose, I can concede that point at least".
Ellana didn't like his tone. "What do you mean – You suppose?" She frowned, eyes narrowing. "You had this same conversation with Melana. More than once from the guilty expression on your face".
Fen'Harel grimaced, but admitted nothing.
"So you don't like wearing underthings. I'm not surprised".
"You are not?"
Ellana's nonchalant shrug made Fen'Harel wonder how much she knew about spirits. He was intrigued by her explanation.
"You're not the first of your kind I've met. Cole is a spirit too. And he doesn't understand what clothes are or why they come off. Don't ask. It's a long story involving Wicked Grace, a losing bet, a bucket, and a mortified naked ex-Templar".
"It was Cullen", said Dalish. "And it worked out exactly as Mamae described. The poor thing. He should've known better than to wager against an Antivan. Josephine's a dab hand at Wicked Grace".
"She is", agreed Ellana. "You'd never think her capable of playing card-games with commoners. Josephine is a walking contradiction drowning in gold-satin, ruffles, and blue-velvet. She's noble-born but she has none of their arrogance. And she treats elves like we're people not dogs".
"Is that why you like her, vhenan?" asked Fen'Harel.
She smiled. "It is. And Josephine has the best stories. You wouldn't believe what she's told me about the Orlesian court. Maker's balls. I thought Fereldan nobles were mad. The Orlesians make them look like toddlers in fancy-dress".
"How so?"
Dalish took a seat on the edge of the bed, a plate full of food in her lap. She watched her adoptive parents discuss Orlesian politics with a smile on her face. It was as if the last four thousand years hadn't passed. Her Mamae was back as was her Papae. It was surreal to think that while some things had changed, others stayed the same.
"I hope you're hungry", interrupted Dalish. "I had to wrestle the venison from Krem. He's greedy when it comes to leftover roasts. If Bull hadn't told him off – he'd have eaten our breakfast. The rotter".
Ellana wriggled out of Fen'Harel's arms to claim a piece of fresh bread. She complained when Dalish tried to keep the honey-crock to herself. It was surrendered with a laugh as Ellana tucked-in. Cold slices of venison were consumed with chunks of tart Orlesian cheese. It was modest fare, but filling. And Ellana was soon patting her full belly.
Fen'Harel grimaced when she belched.
"Revolting".
"Shut up".
"Melana never did that. She was a lady".
Ellana rolled her eyes. "Well I'm not. Sorry to disappoint, but Dalish women burp and fart like their men. If you were after someone more refined. You should've waited until I was reborn an Orlesian city-elf".
Fen'Harel's hackles rose at her goading. "Do not jest about such a thing!"
"I wasn't".
"Ellana!"
"I'm me not Melana. You're going to have to get used to it. This is the way I am. Take it or leave it. I'm not about to change myself to suit your memories of a woman I never knew".
Fen'Harel frowned, sighing. "Ir abelas. I didn't think. Forgive me".
"There's nothing to forgive".
"Ellana".
She cupped his face in her hands. "It's all right. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here and so are you. We're together again".
Fen'Harel nodded. "Yes. We are".
Dalish shook her head, smiling as she gathered their plates. They'd had their first spat in centuries. It was a beautiful thing to see. A little piece of her childhood she'd thought lost. The affection between them was undeniable.
"No canoodling", she commanded when Fen'Harel got that look in his eye. "I'm not going to explain to Bull why he can hear noises coming from this room. Behave yourself, Papae". She gave Ellana a stern warning too. "That goes for you as well".
"What?" gasped Ellana. "I wasn't doing anything!"
"Yet", corrected Dalish. "You're a blue-blooded Dalish woman in bed with a naked elven man. I'm too old not to know what could happen if you two were left alone. Naughty, pleasurable things I imagine. Which is not where I want my brain to be at the moment. Ew".
Dalish was unsurprised to note that Fen'Harel hadn't eaten. His face was clean of crumbs, though Ellana had a few clinging to her lips. As a spirit her Papae didn't need to eat or sleep, although now he was more likely to do the later. Dalish remembered how he'd liked to lounge in bed with Melana. Many of her childhood memories were still crystal clear despite the years.
"You'd best get dressed", she warned Ellana. A stern glance at Fen'Harel silenced him. "And you'd best turn back into a wolf. Bull will be on his way up soon to check on you two. He always keeps a close eye on his newest recruits".
And like clockwork – a voice rumbled through the room's thin walls.
"Dalish?"
"Yeah, Chief?" she yelled.
"Is the Shewolf awake?"
Ellana's brows furrowed. "Did he call me what I think he called me?"
Fen'Harel nodded. "He did, vhenan".
Dalish snickered. "Yup", she called. "She's awake".
"Good!" bellowed Bull. "I'm on my way up!"
"Fenedhis!" cursed Ellana. She smacked Fen'Harel's bare brown arms. "Change back! Hurry up! He can't see you like this!"
Dalish waved goodbye when her Papae groaned. He shifted shape, head shaking. Dark skin sprouted fur as his fingers shortened. Black claws became hard nails, the palms of his hands softening into cushioned pads. His nose elongated, jaw following suit – as his fangs lengthened.
A thick bushy black tail lashed Ellana's legs in a happy wag. Fen'Harel – now a wolf – collapsed into her lap like an overgrown puppy.
"Show off", grumbled Ellana.
She frowned when she heard him speak in her mind. His teasing tone more annoying than a reassurance.
Now, now, vhenan. There is no need to be envious.
"Says you. Now get off me".
Nae.
"Get off!"
Ellana shoved him aside with difficulty. As a wolf Fen'Harel was heavier, bigger, and taller than she was even if he had four legs instead of two. They scuffled until Ellana reminded him that Bull would see her half-dressed. He whined, relenting, and allowed her to rise from the bed. Ellana scowled when she discovered she was covered in fine black hairs.
"I can't believe you shed! Ugh! You're worse than a cat!"
She picked several hairs out of her breastband, grumbling as she gathered the rest of her clothes. A pair of breeches, boots, and a shirt were shrugged on when she heard Bull's heavy-footed thumping. He was on his way upstairs, making certain they heard him coming. Ellana brushed sleep-mussed hair out of her face when Bull pounded on the door.
It rattled on its hinges.
"Boss! You awake?"
She glared at the wolf lying on the unmade bed.
"Yes".
Bull paused and asked a relevant question. "You naked?"
Ellana blushed to the roots of her hair. Fen'Harel chuckled in her thoughts. "No!"
"You sure?"
"Yes!"
Ah, ma vhenan, teased Fen'Harel. You are lovely flustered.
"Shut up!"
"Hey!" cried Bull. "That wasn't very nice!"
Ellana groaned. "I was talking to my wolf!"
Bull's voice boomed through the closed door. "Of course you were. 'Cause the wolf talks inside your head". She heard his long-winded sigh of annoyance. "That's gonna get weird".
"I can hear you, Bull".
"Right. Sorry".
The latch on her door jiggled as is turned. Bull opened it a crack, peering inside with a narrowed grey eye. He scanned the bedroom, looking suspicious. He eyed Fen'Harel as if he were a wild dog with rabies. Ellana saw the way Bull's nostrils flared too.
"Are you sniffing the air?"
"No", he lied as he snuffled like a hound.
"You are!" barked Ellana.
Fen'Harel chuckled. Ma vhenan. Do not be so surprised. The ox thinks we might have been intimate. Let him stew in his own foolishness.
Ellana took umbrage. She jabbed a finger at the wolf on her bed. "I am not going to let my best friend think I shagged you!" She reflected on her time with Solas. "Well, I guess I have slept with your brother! Who's a wolf too, but that's not the point!"
Bull stood in the doorway when Ellana launched into another argument with her new pet. He only heard what she said, but somehow he knew it was a conversation. The wolf's ears were perked like a dog's. His head was turned towards her too. Bull even saw how his lupine eyes were focused on her face.
It was as if nothing in the world mattered to him but her.
Ellana didn't see Bull gaping at her as if she were crazy. "Don't call Bull an oxman! He's my friend!" She seethed for several moments. "Just because he's got horns like an ox doesn't make him a bovine! Stop being rude!"
Fen'Harel snapped his teeth in obvious disagreement.
Ellana took immediate offence. "Fine! If Bull's an ox than you're a flea-bitten mongrel!" She folded her arms across her chest, lifting her nose in the air when Fen'Harel growled. "You insulted him first! I am not apologising!"
Bull cleared his throat with a hoarse cough. "Er-Boss?"
"Yes?"
"I-ah-didn't actually hear the wolf call me an ox".
"I did", said Ellana. "He was so rude about it too. You wouldn't have believed his tone, Bull. If he was an elf. I'd have punched him on your behalf".
"Er-Thanks. I think".
She smiled. "You're welcome, Bull". She glared at the wolf lounging on her bed. "Don't you worry. I'll keep him on a short leash".
The Iron Bull grimaced at the double entendre. Now he was thinking about sex. "Yeah. You do that. I'll try not to think about you two getting frisky".
Ellana was aghast by his assumption. "Bull!"
He turned away, horned head shaking. "This shit is giving me a headache. I need a drink". He turned away, waving goodbye to Ellana. "Glad you're okay, Boss. I'll see you later".
He walked away, door closing behind him with a soft click.
Fen'Harel was amused by Bull's swift retreat. He ran away from us.
Ellana sighed. "He did. Balls. He must think I'm mad. I suppose he isn't wrong to think that way either".
You were talking to yourself aloud. Again.
"I was talking to you!"
Arguing with the air more like.
"It's not my fault no one else can hear you!"
Which, vhenan. Is not going to improve your standing among your peers. They will think you are cracked in the head as it were. It will get worse if you keep arguing with me whenever and wherever someone else can overhear. Not that I mind at all. I like having part of you all to myself.
Ellana groaned. "Fenedhis. I knew this was a bad idea from the start".
Too late now, teased Fen'Harel. You're stuck with me.
Elvish, Tevene, Qunlat Translations: Courtesy of the Dragon Age Wiki
Solas – Pride.
Fen'Harel – The Dread Wolf – The elven god of Rebellion, Betrayal, and Trickery.
Vhenan – Heart.
Ma da'vhenan – My little heart – A term of endearment used by an adult to describe their child.
Ir abelas – I am sorry.
Mamae – Mother.
Ar lath ma – I love you.
Nae – No.
Hahren – Elder – used by the Dalish for a respected elder – used by the city elves for the leader of an Alienage.
Garas ma – Come to me or Come back to me.
Iras ma? - Where are you?
Ir enfanim – I am afraid.
Harellan – Trickster – Used by the Dalish to mean – Traitor to one's kin.