I'm Not Giving Up

Six months.

Six blessed months without a major fight and that all down the drain now. This was not how she wanted to spend her time on back Earth. Colonel Samantha Carter had been called back to Earth from Atlantis for political reasons and she had been looking forward to spending time with her former teammates, but that looked to be out of the question the second she saw Vala Mal Doran. Instead of being happy to see her friend, as Sam suspected she'd be, Vala had only given her a brief smile and a bullshit excuse before walking away from the Colonel.

After seven months of dating, Sam had expected for things to have evened out by now, and to her knowledge, they had, so what had happened now? Based on Vala's demeanor, Sam suspected the problem laid Daniel and she felt herself getting annoyed with the man – he was ruining her time home and he was going to answer for it.

Full of determination, Sam marched to Daniel's lab shortly after encountering Vala. "What the hell did you do this time?" she demanded as she barged in.

Dr. Daniel Jackson didn't even look up from the scroll he was reading. "Hi Sam," he greeted halfheartedly, "welcome back. How's Atlantis?"

"Cut the chit chat," she ordered, "What I want to talk about is you and Vala and what the hell you two are fighting about this time."

"What makes you think we're fighting?" he asked wearily.

"I just saw her," she told him, "So, what the hell did you do this time?"

He chuckled, sounding both sad and bitter. "Because it's always my fault, right?" he questioned and finally looked at her, "Is it inconceivable that I may not be this time?"

That's when she noticed his demeanor; he was worse than Vala if that was possible. Sam couldn't remember a time when he was this dejected since Sha're's death and she was instantly worried for him. "Daniel, what happened?" she asked gently.

He huffed. "What happened was that I had the audacity to ask her to marry me," he bit out bitterly.

Her reaction was instantaneous. "Daniel, that's great!" but her sudden happiness for the couple quickly deflated as she realized something, "Wait, then why do you two looked like someone just died?" Sam silently begged the universe that someone hadn't died.

He rubbed his face. "She said no," he confessed painfully.

"That's impossible," Sam blurted out without a thought.

"Pretty sure it is," he responded sarcastically, "I was there, I felt my heart get crushed into a million pieces."

"But Vala wouldn't say no," she continued to argue, trying to make sense of this.

"Well, she did," he retorted, "I can accept her saying no, that's not the problem. I wish I knew the reason, but she wouldn't tell me. I know she doesn't owe me any explanations, but I just want to know where I went wrong; did I ask too soon? Does she not believe in marriage after everything she went through before now? It would be nice to know, but what I can't accept is her shutting me out and refusing to talk to me at all. I can accept her answer, but not this."

"Daniel, I'm – " she stopped, "I don't know what to say…other than this doesn't make sense."

"She doesn't want to marry me," he reiterated, forlorn, "What more is there to it?"

Sam's heart hurt to see him like this, so disheartened and heartbroken. In a way, it was worse now than it had been with Sha're. She had died and everything surrounding her death was final, but with Vala, she wasn't dead. Daniel didn't get closure as he had with Sha're and there was nothing final about his break up with Vala…was it a break up?

Oh my God, did they break up? Sam thought to herself.

"What does this mean?" she asked gingerly, "Are you guys…" she trailed off.

She regretted asking as she saw the crestfallen expression on his face. "I don't know," he mumbled almost inaudibly.

Sam still couldn't make sense of this. "Daniel, Vala loves you, that I'm a hundred percent sure of," she told him, "We've talked about the two of you getting married and what that would be like, so I don't know how the hell you got here. Had something happened since I've been away?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so," he answered, "Things were going great…at least I thought they were. I honestly didn't see this coming."

There was something else going on. There had to be. Sam saw the way Vala was when she arrived; the woman was devastated herself and no better off than Daniel was. Yes, there was definitely more to this.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" she offered carefully.

"God no," he instantly replied, "I'll admit, I wanna know why, but no means no, and I have to accept that; I have to accept that it's over and as much as I want to know why the sudden change, I have to let her go."

Oh boy. This was bad. "How're you gonna do that?" she asked, remembering how long it took to move on from Sha're.

Daniel chuckled sadly. "I have no fucking clue," he confessed.

"Daniel – "

"Sam, I really don't want to talk about this anymore," he cut her off, "In fact, I just wanna be alone, okay?"

As much as it killed her, she nodded and slowly backed away. "I'm here whenever you need me." She didn't get a response and didn't wait for one.

It wasn't until she was in her old quarters where she pulled out her phone and quickly hit the first contact on her speed dial.

"Carter!" Jack O'Neill's voice exclaimed, "Welcome back to the Milky Way!"

"Jack," she greeted, her voice somber.

"Sam, what's wrong?" he instantly inquired.

"It's Daniel."

Slight pause. "Odyssey in orbit?"

"Yep."

"Give me five minutes."

"Thank you."

"Always."

"Love you."

"Love you too," and with that, Jack hung up the phone.

With that taken care of, Sam decided to go find Vala and drag her to their promised shopping trip.

o0o

Vala was definitely not okay.

Sam practically had to drag her to the mall – something she never had to do during her friendship with the alien. She was thankful it was just the two of them; while she lamented that she wouldn't get to spend much time with Carolyn this trip, she was glad for the opportunity to talk with Vala about things without interference.

She wouldn't break her promise to Daniel and bring up why Vala had rejected him, but instead she would inquire if her friend was okay and get to the bottom of the problem that laid on Vala's side. Sam understood it wasn't her place and none of her damn business, but she couldn't leave well enough alone, not when two of her favorite people were hurting. All she hoped to accomplish was to get the two of them talking and hopefully that would bring about reconciliation.

After an hour of forced cheerfulness, conversation, and shopping, Sam couldn't do it anymore, and had led them out of the mall complex to a coffee shop down the street. Vala was completely out of it and hadn't realized what Sam was doing until they were in front of their favorite coffee shop and Sam didn't let her back out when she did and all but pushed her into the shop and into a seat.

The Colonel ordered her to stay while she placed their orders and brought them over once they were done. Plopping the cup of coffee in front of Vala, Sam took a seat and said, "Talk."

Vala snagged the cup and took a sip. "About what?"

"Don't play dumb with me," Sam practically commanded, "What happened?"

Vala didn't waiver. "I don't know what you're talking about."

So that's how it's gonna be? "Why the hell does Daniel looked so devastated?" she asked, "And why do you look the same? What happened? Did you guys break up?"

Vala stared down at the table. "Yes…no," she mumbled, "I don't know."

Sam leaned forward. "Vala, talk to me," she implored, "Aside from Daniel, I'm your best friend, so please tell me what happened; I want to help."

"Sometimes things just don't work out."

"Bullshit," Sam declared, "You two aren't like that, so stop giving me shitty excuses and tell me the goddamn truth."

Vala glanced up at her. "That's a lot of foul language in one breath."

"Stop avoiding the topic."

The alien once again became somber. "Daniel asked me to marry him," she finally confessed.

Finally! "And we're not jumping up and down for joy because…?"

"I said no," Vala confessed in a whisper, looking back at the table.

"Why?" Sam exclaimed, "Vala, you told me not long ago that you could see yourself marrying him, and that you wanted to, so what's changed?"

"P5Y-946."

Sam barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes. "Gonna need more than that."

"It's a planet we went to three weeks ago and it was there I realized something," she told the Colonel, "I said no because –"

"Ah!" Sam held up a finger, "If you haven't told Daniel the reason, do not tell me."

"What?" Vala asked incredulously, "What makes you think he doesn't know?"

"Because if he did, he would probably be doing something about it."

Vala pointed a finger at her. "And that's why I didn't tell him!" she declared, "This isn't something he can fix or change about himself, and I won't ask him to; in fact, I won't allow him to."

Oh, Sam was so tempted to ask her what her reasoning was, but Daniel should be the first to hear it and not her. "You're not being fair."

"None of this is fair or would be fair," Vala said, "Samantha, I realized that we want different things and I can't ask him to sacrifice something when I'm not willing to do the same; we both know he would and I will not ask him to or even give him the chance."

Oh God, the suspense was killing her. Stay strong, Sam, she encouraged herself. "You can't make a decision that affects the both of you and your relationship. It's wrong and you know it."

"Samantha, I'm doing this for him," Vala told her, "I'm doing this because I love him."

"I don't care," Sam said firmly, "You need to tell him the reason and let him make his own decisions; he's a grown ass adult and deserves to be treated as one."

"You don't understand."

"Maybe I don't, but I know this is killing him, the not knowing, so if you really do love him like you say, you'll tell him your reason for saying no. He needs that closure, Vala."

Vala blinked back tears. "I don't want to hurt him," she whispered brokenly.

Sam softened. "You're already hurting him," she told her gently, "Vala, I haven't seen him this bad since Sha're. He couldn't do anything about that situation, but he can here and just doesn't know how in fear he'll push you further away; it's killing him…He needs to know, whatever the reason is."

"Sam…"

"Promise me you'll tell him," Sam practically begged, "That you'll at least talk with him."

There was a lengthy pause.

"Okay," Vala finally consented.

o0o

Jack, true to his promise, appeared in the doorway of Daniel's lab within five minutes of his wife's phone call, and he understood why she had called him. This was bad.

"Hey!" he greeted cheerfully, pretending he hadn't noticed his friend's demeanor.

Daniel looked up in surprise. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked in way of greeting.

"Good to see you too," the General retorted dryly, "Well, my wife just came back from another galaxy and what does she decide to do? Go shopping with your girl instead of spending time with me."

Daniel sighed. "Jack – "

"So I decided what better way to pass the time I took off than to spend it with my best friend," he continued, cutting Daniel off. "C'mon, we're getting food."

"Jack – " Daniel tried again.

"Ah!" he cut off again, "Nonnegotiable. Now, let's eat."

Daniel didn't seem to have any fight in, which worried Jack greatly.

They ended up at O'Malley's.

Jack didn't bring up what was eating away at his friend – he'd get that intel from his wife later – but instead reminisced about their adventures as they ate. This wasn't about getting to the bottom of whatever was going on or forcing the archeologist talk about his feelings, but instead was about just being there for his friend. It had worked fairly well when Sha're had died and while the situation was clearly different now, it still worked.

They went from a table to the bar and a lot of their time was spent in comfortable silence and random small talk, but they didn't need much between the two of them.

And when it was time to call it a night, yes they stayed that long, Daniel gave Jack a small smile and simply said, "Thanks, Jack."

Jack returned the smile. "Anytime," he assured gently.

o0o

Daniel left the restaurant feeling marginally better, but just marginally.

It would take more than just a night out with his friend to get over Vala and their relationship ending, if it was even possible. And just like that, his mood dropped again. He wasn't even sure if he and Vala had officially broken up – they were in limbo and that in itself was slowly killing him. He wished he knew where he went wrong so he could take it back, but every time he thought about it, he came up blank and spiraled further into what he was starting to suspect was depression; he could only hope it was temporary.

He sighed as he arrived at his place, unlocking the door to let himself into a dark, empty apartment. He shut the door behind him and tossed his keys on the table next to the door. Just as he was about to turn on the light switch, he realized he wasn't alone. He turned sharply in the direction of the intruder and was about to reach for the gun in the drawer of the table when –

"It's just me," a familiar smoky voice stated.

Daniel relaxed. "Vala!" he snapped and switched the light on. His frustration evaporated as he took her in; she was like a reflection of himself, so dejected and unhappy. "How'd you get it?" he asked quietly.

She smiled humorlessly. "Seriously?"

Right. "You picked the lock," he guessed, knowing he was right. He moved further into the house and leaned against the living room's doorframe, crossing his arms. "What're you doing here?"

She leaned forward and rested her arms on her thighs. "I came to talk."

"Now I'm worthy of your time?" he bit out sarcastically, "Lucky me."

Vala looked at the floor. "I'm sorry," she murmured, "I know I didn't handle it well…I just didn't know what to do."

Daniel sighed and moved to sit across from her. "Vala, what the hell happened?" he asked, "What did I do?"

Her eyes flashed to him. "You didn't so anything!" she said vehemently.

He huffed. "I obviously did something!" he argued, "Or else you wouldn't have avoided me for the last week."

"You don't understand."

"Then make me understand," he retorted, "I get that you have a right to say no, you have a right not to tell me why, but what I don't get is why you shut me out completely, and that's the one thing I can't let go of. Tell me why you did it."

"I thought it would be easier," she whispered brokenly.

He had no idea what she was talking about. "What would?" he asked, "Vala, I can accept your answer, but that doesn't mean our relationship just ends. I don't need to be married to you…I just want to be."

She sniffed and sat up straighter. "I want that to."

"Then why did you say no?" he questioned. He was so confused, and his frustration was growing, and he didn't know what to think.

She paused, not speaking for a moment before confessing, "I can't give you what you want."

His eyebrows shot up. "You mean you?" he asked, sarcasm leaking into his tone.

She shook her head. "I'm not talking about just me."

"Then kindly explain."

She was silent again. "I can't marry you because I don't want children," she finally confessed, "and you deserve to be a father," she added, her voice cracking.

Now it was turn to be silent.

And when he didn't say anything for several moments, Vala grew impatient. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What makes you think I want the possibility of children more than I want you?" he asked heatedly, "And who the hell are you to decide the future of our relationship without even discussing it with me first?"

"Daniel, you're meant to be a father!" she told him insistently, "More than that, you want to be and I can't take that away from you; I won't let you sacrifice that for me."

"Again, what makes you think that being a father is more important to be than being your husband?"

"You would come to regret it!" she practically shouted, "And you would end up resenting me for it and I cannot handle if you did."

"All of this is based on some assumption you have!" he argued, "You have no idea if I actually want kids!"

"P5Y-946," she threw out.

That stopped his next retort and he thought about the planet she was referring to. "Wait, that orphanage planet?"

"Yes."

"What about?"

Vala looked at him sadly. "I saw you with those kids, I saw you light up when you were around them, and it was then I realized how much you were meant to be a father and how much you wanted to be; I heard you mention it to Cameron too," she told him softly, "but I don't want children. I did at one point, but then everything with Adria happened and…I just can't stand the thought anymore."

Daniel's heart ached for her and he leaned forward to take one of her hands. "Vala – "

She pulled away. "I know you want to be a father, so stop trying to deny it," she cut him off, "and I won't be the one to stand in the way. I can't go through that again, and I need to let you go so you can find someone who can."

He looked at her incredulously. "What makes you think I'd ever be able to get over you?" he questioned, "Vala, I don't have the ability to move on from you, let alone fall in love with someone else; you're it for me and I thought you knew that."

She swiped a stray tear. "I can't give you what you want," she repeated.

"You're what I want!" he yelled, "I'll admit, I'd like kids, but I want you more! I can live without having children, but what I can't live without is you!"

More tears fell and she couldn't bring herself to wipe them away. "You can't mean that," she said in a broken whisper.

Daniel moved until he was kneeling in front of her. He cupped her face and gently brushed away the tears. "I mean that more than anything else in my life," he told her earnestly, "All I want is you and I'll take it in anyway you'll allow me to – marriage or not, kids or not. As long as I have you, that's all I need."

Vala met his eyes. "What if you change your mind?" she asked, "You'd end up resenting me, and I couldn't handle that."

"That would never happen," he vowed fervently, "Vala, you're here, you're real. These hypothetical children aren't. You are all that matters to me, and I will fight for you always. If you think I'm gonna let you walk away over this, then you got another thing coming; I'm not giving up on you and believe me when I say I'm not going down that easily. Please believe that all I really want is you and only you…forever."

He watched her as she wrestled with his words and promises, and he could only pray and hope that she believed him. He meant every single word. Children didn't matter to him, not when it would cost him the love of his life. While they would be nice to have, they weren't what was important to him. From a young age, all he had ever wanted was a family and for a long time, he believed that came in the form a wife and children, but he learned over the past ten years that it could be something more. He had SG-1, his family. He had Vala, the woman he loved, and though none of them were tied together biologically or legally, it didn't make them any less than his family.

Vala was his family, whether she married or not, whether they had kids or not. All he wanted and needed was her.

Vala leaned out his grasp but continued to meet his eyes. "Ask me," she said softly.

Daniel's brows furrowed. "What?"

She gave him a small but genuine smile. "Ask me," she repeated.

He laughed smally as he realized what she meant, and his hand went to the ring box that was still in his pocket – he hadn't had the heart to put it back in his safe. "Vala Mal Doran," he began softly, opening the box and grabbed her left hand, "will you make me the happiest man in the universe by becoming my wife?

Her smile grew as a wave of peace and serenity swept over her. "Yes."

o0o

Author's Note: I believe this to be a legitimate possibility for Vala after everything with Adria. To be honest, I was surprised when this idea came to me, but it felt right for this story - I hope I didn't disappoint or upset anyone. Vala won't be getting pregnant or having any babies in this story and I believe that's okay. There's nothing wrong with a woman knowing she doesn't want to bring a child into the world and sticking to that decision.

I think I have one more left (though it might be split into two chapters - we'll see) and that will be it. Hope you guys have been enjoying.