Until We're Gray and Old

Vala had made it two months into her marriage before she began second guessing herself and Daniel.

Ironically, today was their one-year anniversary since they started their relationship, since Daniel had that dream that had started all of this, but as she watched him played with a native child, she couldn't help but wonder if she had been right in marrying Daniel. She believed him. . .well, she believed he believed that he could live without them having children. She had done her best to not let it get to her, but as she watched him, she couldn't help the doubts she had.

Vala wished she could bring herself to give him that, but she just couldn't.

"You okay, Princess?" Colonel Cameron Mitchell asked with an air of concern.

She looked away from the beautiful scene of her husband playing with the small child and gave Cameron a false smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He gave her a look. "You know that doesn't work on me…anymore," he chided, "Now, wanna tell me what's really bothering you?"

Vala looked over at Daniel again. "Just watching him with her," she confessed, "He's such a natural."

Cam looked over as well. "You thinkin' of having your own?" he asked, trying to guess her thoughts.

"No," she replied softly, "in fact Daniel and I agreed not to have any."

The Colonel shot her a surprised look. "You're kidding."

She gave him a look that told him she was definitely not kidding.

"You're serious?" he continued, still couldn't quite believe it, "Princess, you propositioned him your first day on Earth to have his babies!"

"That was different," she argued, "I was different, and I don't want that anymore…not after Adria."

Cam waited a minute before speaking again. "You can't let her dictate your life like that," he told her carefully, "She shouldn't get to have that kind of control over you. She shouldn't have any control at all."

Vala eyed him momentarily. "It's not like that," she contradicted quietly.

"But is it," he insisted, "You're letting what happened with her control yours and Jackson's life. You're giving up something you used to want because of her."

"Maybe," she consented to the possibility, "but you weren't the one who was violated. While it wasn't exactly the same for me, I still was essentially raped and forced to carry the Ori's demon spawn. Do you have any idea how that feels? Damn it, Cameron, this wasn't the first time either! I spent four years trapped inside my own body and after what happened with Adria was the last straw for me!" she confided, "Why is it so wrong to want control over my own body? What is so wrong with me not wanting to have children?"

He really stepped in it, he saw that now, and felt horrible for questioning her. "You're right and I'm sorry," he apologized, "and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't want kids, you don't want kids. I just always thought you did. You gravitate towards them all the time and I just assumed."

She smiled sadly. "I did at one point," she said, "but after Adria…I just can't. I can't through that again. I mean, I know it would be different, that any baby Daniel and I would have would be different, but I can't physically go through that again. The mere thought is…" she trailed off, not fully understanding it herself.

"You don't have to explain," he told her gently.

Tears of frustration welled up in her eyes. "I want to give him that because despite what he says, I know he wants that, but it's just too hard, it's too traumatic even though I didn't go through something overly traumatic, it feels like I did, so much so, I can't stomach the thought of having another child."

"You went through hell with the Ori," he corrected gently, "physically and emotionally. It may not look like normal trauma to most people, but then again, most people don't have our job. You don't have to explain or justify it to anyone."

Vala sniffed and glanced back over at Daniel. "I just wish I could give him that," she gestured to the small child he was playing with, "but I can't make myself do it."

"Vala," Cam began softly, "Jackson didn't marry you so you'd give him kids, he married you because he loves you."

"I know," she whispered, "He'd do anything for me; he always puts me first…and that's why I'm wondering if I made the right decision in marrying him."

"What?" he exclaimed, "You're kidding me, right?"

"No," she didn't take her eyes off of Daniel, "He's always willing to compromise, he's always making the sacrifices, and I'm not; how can I keep asking him to do that? How can we possibly work if I'm not willing to do the same?"

"You do," he insisted, "I've seen it. You're just getting hung up on this one thing."

"Well, it's a big thing!"

Cam thought for a moment before asking, "You said physically. Is it the thought of actually going through a pregnancy again that you can't stomach or raising a kid in general?"

She looked at him and opened her mouth to speak but abruptly closed it and became pensive.

He let her think it out and stayed quiet. He was genuinely curious but also wanted to make sure she saw all sides of the this. While he believed Daniel was sincere when he told Vala that he was okay with not having kids, she still wasn't there and Cam wanted nothing more at the moment than for her to realize it. He highly doubted that she had looked at all the aspects of the situation and wanted to ensure that she did before she went and did something stupid, like leaving Daniel because she believed something that wasn't remotely true.

"Physically going through it," she eventually answered.

He debated whether he should say what was on his mind, but he couldn't forgive himself if Vala did do something stupid and he hadn't bothered to speak up. "There are other ways to have a family," he told her carefully.

"You're talking about adoption."

"Yeah," he confirmed, "Would that be something you could do? Or would even want?"

Vala looked bewildered. "I…I don't know. I confess, I hadn't even thought of that," she responded, "but would Daniel even be open to that? It wouldn't be his child."

"Yes, it would," he disagreed, causing her to stare at him incredulously, and he chuckled. "Come on, Princess, just look at the people he calls his family – they're all comprised of people he chose, people who share no blood with him at all."

"And you really think that would be enough for him?" she asked, her tone quiet and uncertain.

He scoffed. "How the hell do I know your husband better than you?" he asked rhetorically, "Of course, it would. Jackson would jump at the chance of giving an unwanted child a home, especially considering how he grew up, and he would love that kid like he made it himself…and I think you would too. I think giving a child something you guys never had would be something not only would you be good at but also something that you'd love."

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

"You both were on your own from a young age. You both were unwanted and didn't have anyone for the longest time. You know what that feels like and could change that for a kid in the same situation."

"I hadn't thought about it like that," she mumbled.

Cam smiled softly. "Vala, you know damn well that Daniel could love any child you two brought into your lives, no matter how it came about," he told her, "So I think the real question you're trying to ask me and yourself is whether or not you can."

"Do you think I can?" she immediately asked.

"I think you can do whatever you set your mind to," he replied, "and for what it's worth, I think you can, but only you can decide if you're ready and if it's something you want or could potentially want."

Vala looked at him. "So, what should I do?" she practically begged him to tell her what to do.

Cam sighed, taking off his cap to run a hand through his hair. "I just told you, I can't tell you what to do or how to decide," he answered as he put the cap back on, "but if I were you, I'd think about it and try to figure out if it's something I could handle and wouldn't regret down the road. You can't back out once you take in a child, it wouldn't be right, so you need to be a hundred percent sure before committing."

She looked so lost, and he wished he could do more to help, but he wasn't what she needed or rather, who she needed.

"I don't know what to do, Cameron," she confessed, frustration seeping into her voice.

"Think about it, and more importantly, talk to Daniel," he suggested, "Figure out if it's something right for the two of you, but just talk with each other."

Vala nodded, silently promising him that she would.

o0o

It's not that she didn't trust Cameron and his opinion, but she had to hear it straight from Daniel before she could even make a final decision.

"Could you love a child that wasn't yours?" she blurted out as he came out of the master bath and into their room.

Daniel froze for a second before continuing to towel dry his hair. "You mean like Cassandra?" he inquired but was confused and didn't know where she was going with this.

"No," she replied but thought about it for a second, "Well, yes, kind of…maybe."

His brows furrowed. "Vala, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I know Cassie is more like a niece to you, but could you ever love her or any child like your own…like Sam and your friend Janet did with Cassie?"

He still was puzzled and hadn't the slightest clue why she was asking but answered anyway. "Of course I could," he replied without much thought, tossing the wet towel into the laundry basket, "I spent more than ten years creating a family of my own from the people around me. DNA doesn't matter to me, and I don't believe that it's what makes a family a family, not where it really counts at least."

She pondered that for a minute. "And you're not just saying that?"

"No, I mean it," he responded and gave her an inquisitive look, "Vala, what's this about?"

As Vala contemplated how she should say this, Daniel made his way to the bed and sat across from her on it. He had no idea why she was asking but she looked adorable sitting crossed legged in front of him with a pensive expression on her face and he couldn't help but smile internally at the sight.

"I've been thinking," she began seriously.

"That's new," he quipped, smiling outwardly when she shot him a glare and smacked his knee. "God, I married a violent woman," he complained teasingly.

"Don't forget it," she warned.

His grin grew. "So, what've you been thinking?"

Vala straightened and met his eyes. "I've come to realize something."

He gestured for her to continue. "Which is?"

"I don't want to have children," she declared like it was a new revelation.

Daniel merely raised his eyebrows. "Yeah…" he said slowly, "I know; we've had this conversation before."

She huffed impatiently. "No, I don't want to have children," she reiterated, "Like actually carrying a child and birth it. In fact, I can't. The thought alone is…too much to even consider."

He scooted closer and grabbed her hand. "Hey," he said softly, "I know and I would never ask you to do that."

She squeezed his hand. "I know you wouldn't, and that why I love you," she told him, "and it's why I want you to have what you want."

He shook his head, having a bad feeling where this was going. "You're what I want," he stated firmly, "nothing else. I just need you."

She smiled at him, knowing where his mind was going. "Relax, daring," she told him, "What I'm trying to say is that I've realized the thought of physically going through that is the problem I have with the idea of children. That thought is what triggers everything. I can't do that...but I can do is welcome a child into our home, a child who is unwanted and doesn't have anyone else…that is if you could as well."

Daniel blinked in surprise. He had not seen that coming. "You want to adopt?"

Vala suddenly became uncertain. "Possibly," she replied quietly, "if that's something you'd be open to."

"Don't do this for me," he told her instead of answering, "I don't need a child to be fulfilled; you and my work at the SGC does that, so don't do this just for me, you have to want it to."

Vala uncrossed her legs and shifted onto her knees. "But I do," she insisted, "I just hadn't considered the possibility. The thought of giving a child something we didn't have most of our lives is something I believe I want to do."

"You believe," he repeated pointedly, and mimicked her position, "Vala, we can't adopt a kid if you only believe this is something you want; we both have to be sure."

She huffed. "Bad choice of words," she retorted, "I can do this, and more importantly, I want to," she assured him. While it was primarily for his sake, she wasn't lying and did want it for herself as well.

Daniel gave her a piercing look. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she answered before looking at him skeptically, "Are you?"

"What?"

"Is this something you can do or even want?" she asked, "I'm the one pushing for this, but if you can't do it, I need to know."

"Vala, I don't care either way," he replied, "I would love to adopt a child with you but I need to know that this isn't just you trying to give me something you think I need to have."

Vala paused for a minute. "So, that's a yes?"

Daniel let out a small laugh and shook his head incredulously at her. "If you're really sure then it's a yes."

"I am," she assured him earnestly.

"Okay, then," he said gently as his hand brushed against the side of her head, "let's look into it."

o0o

"Is it really that impossible?"

Daniel glanced over at his friend. "I wouldn't say impossible," he contradicted and took a sip of his beer, "just a hell of a lot harder."

"And private adoption agencies are completely out?" Jack continued to question.

Sam was back in the Milky Way and they had all gotten together at the Jackson's for dinner. The women were doing...something, Teal'c and Cam were discussing their latest mission and Jack had sought Daniel out and had asked the whole adoption/fostering plan was going. It had only been a month or so since the couple had made the decision and most of that time since had been researching various countries and the Foster Care system. Daniel knew the latter pretty well, but every state was different and he was sure quite a few things had changed since he left it.

"Vala really doesn't want a baby," he admitted to the General, "she wants to give a child with nothing a home; she wants to give a kid what we both lacked growing up."

Jack nodded in understanding. "I can see that," he concurred, "and fostering a kid would definitely do that…so why are you so reluctant to take that course of action? The way you said it sounds impossible."

The archeologist sighed and looked around them for signs of his wife. "Fostering when there's a high chance of the kid not being with us permanently would kill Vala," he said quietly, "She'd fall in with them and having to give them up would break her heart; I'm not okay with that happening and I don't want to put her through it."

Jack hummed thoughtfully. "There's always fostering to adopt as an option."

Daniel chuckled humorlessly. "Yeah, like they're gonna give us a kid with our crazy work schedule," he retorted, "You have the check ins, the surprise visits, and the constant scrutiny, so how the hell would that work?"

"Daniel, you two are good people," Jack said, "anyone can see that; they'd be fools not to give a kid a loving home like this. They won't use your job against you."

"They would," Daniel disagreed, "I've seen it. I've seen kids taken away from a good home and good people, based small stupid things. It would kill Vala...but unfortunately, that's what she wants."

Jack's beer paused at his lips. "You're gonna let her risk heartache like that?" he questioned skeptically.

Daniel smiled ruefully. "Like I could stop her. Besides, as much as I want to protect her, I have to stop trying to shield her, and let her make her own decision about this," he reluctantly admitted.

Jack stared at him for a minute. "You're still gonna try to persuade her otherwise, aren't you?" he asked rhetorically before taking a sip of his beer.

"Oh, yeah," he answered honestly, "Gonna push the other options a little more strongly, but ultimately, we'll make a decision together."

"And those options are?"

"Adoption in other countries," Daniel responded, "Most likely orphanages. It'll take longer but it would help a kid in the way she wants to without risking having the child taken away from us like foster care would."

"You have friends in high places," Jack pointed out, "and you practically know someone important from every country – "

"Not every country," Daniel contradicted.

"What I'm saying is, you could pull a few strings if that's the way you guys decide to go."

Daniel was already shaking his head. "There are waitlists with people who have been waiting years," he said, "I won't cut the line for my own gain."

Jack took another sip. "Fine, have it your way," he flippantly, "take the high road."

Daniel rolled his eyes but didn't comment further.

There was a short pause.

"You know," Jack began, sitting up straighter and set his beer bottle down, "considering how you grew up, I thought you'd be leaning more towards foster care."

"I would be…if my wife hadn't been forcibly impregnated by demonic ascended beings," Daniel retorted dryly, "That affects her more than she cares to admit. I don't want to bring someone into her life only for them to be ripped away from her like Adria was. Jack, she never even got to hold her. Tomin had to negotiate just to let Vala see her own daughter. I don't wanna risk her getting hurt like again."

Jack frowned at him. "Aren't you being a little too cynical?" he questioned, "That's my thing, ya know."

Daniel sighed. "Believe me, I wish things had changed more since I was in the system, but they haven't," he remarked, "Jack, I've seen kids taken from good homes and shoved into worse. I've seen good parents try but get punished and have their kids taken away for not having enough or just struggling with something at the moment only for those kids to end up somewhere worse. Yet, when there are good and decent people wanting to take in a foster kid, they have to jump through so many hoops, it's ridiculous. The system won't like Vala and I. If we choose foster care, it's going to be a legitimate nightmare."

Jack shifted in his chair. "Does she know any of this?"

Daniel looked down at the deck floor. "No," he mumbled.

"You gonna tell her?"

"Not sure yet."

"Daniel," Jack said warningly.

"I know!" he admitted, "I just want to protect her, how wrong is that?"

"I thought you said you were gonna stop shielding her and let her make her own damn decisions."

Daniel shrugged. "Force of habit," he retorted instantly.

"Daniel," he repeated in the same tone.

"I will!" Daniel promised, "I'll tell her and explain all the pros and cons."

Jack nodded. "Good, see that you do."

o0o

He kept his word and did explain each of their options in great detail to Vala. At her worried demeanor, he assured they didn't have to do any this – he was perfectly happy and content with just the two of them, but he then realized how much she actually wanted this. It was also a lot to digest, and they agreed to think on it before proceeding. They also happened to be busy and were scheduled to go off world a few days after they talked, meaning further inspection on the matter would have to wait.

What they didn't realize was that fate had other plans for them.

"This is barbaric!" Vala practically shrieked, "Cameron, we have to do something!"

Mitchell sighed in frustration. "What do you want me to do, Princess?" he questioned rhetorically, "We outmanned and outgunned."

She gritted her teeth. "I wasn't suggesting we start shooting," she bit out, "but we can't let them do this!"

"Jackson!" the Colonel snapped, turning to the man, "Do something about your wife."

Daniel's brows shot up. "Have you met my wife?" he quipped, "Besides, she's right; this is a death sentence for them. We can't leave knowing full well that when we do, we've just sentenced two toddlers to death."

"We didn't!" Mitchell insisted, "They did!" he pointed to the native of 97R-593.

The Velkans were a race of people they had encountered yesterday on a routine reconnaissance mission. They were thirty plus years behind Earth from a technical standpoint but appeared to be in the dark ages when it came most other matters. The people were comprised out of two...nations for the lack of a better word, and while the two nations weren't actively trying to destroy each other, both sides held a deep hatred for each other and fraternizing with the other side was not tolerated, but two young adults had decided to risk it.

It was a tale almost akin to Romeo and Juliet but instead of two stupid teenagers killing themselves, their perspective nations had found out about their secret marriage and had done the killing.

It was quick and almost without warning. SG-1 had woken up to the commotion and before Daniel could try and reason with each side, the young couple was killed separately by their own nation without a second thought, orphaning their two young toddlers.

It was disturbing to say the least.

Both nations had sneered at the children and refused to shelter the two 'half-breeds' but instead would leave them to fend for themselves against the elements and natural predators. The little girl and boy were somewhere around three and one and would die from exposure within a day or two – the planet was currently in the winter season, and they wouldn't last long. Daniel had tried to persuade the grandparents of the children, but they all had looked down at them, claiming that the 'half-breeds' were not their flesh and blood.

"Daniel, please!" Vala begged, looking at him, "We have to do something; this isn't their fault, they don't get a choice in how they were born, and they certainly don't deserve to die because of something that was out of their control."

"Princess, what do you expect us to do?" Mitchell questioned, cutting of Daniel's response. "I don't think they're just gonna let us take them back with us."

"We have to at least try!" she argued.

"Daniel Jackson and Vala Jackson are correct, Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c spoke for the first time since the execution, "We cannot allow these children to perish."

"Then what do you suggest?" Mitchell rephrased his earlier question.

"Let me talk to them," Daniel suggested, "Maybe I can convince them to let us take the…half-breeds with us," his face twisted as he said the despicable word, "Maybe say it'll restore the purity of the planet or some bullshit like that."

"Please Cameron," Vala pleaded, "They're unwanted here and they'll die without our help and isn't that what we do – help people?"

Mitchell had relented and Daniel immediately requested a meeting with the two leaders. While it was like pulling teeth to get them both there, he had done it, and pleaded his case in regard to the children. As much as he hated it, he convinced them to allow SG-1 to take away the disgrace that was the children and had used the words pollution and purity to get them to relent. Daniel wished their had been another way, but it was necessary to ensure that the children lived. Both leaders had warned that if SG-1 did this, they risked future relations with the people of Velk.

"I guess that's just something we'll have to risk," he feigned concern and regret. In reality, this would be the last time an SG team would ever visit.

In the end, the two children came back to Earth with them, where they would try to find a planet that could take them in and where they would be well looked after.

o0o

"We can't keep calling them pet names," Vala told Daniel a few days later, "they need proper names."

"Vala, we can't just name them something," he reasoned, "I'm sure they already have names."

"Which they're not telling us."

The oldest, the girl roughly three years old, hadn't uttered a word since coming to Earth, but it was to be expected when your parents were taken from you and you were suddenly surrounded by strange people in an alien environment. The boy only appeared to be roughly one year old and couldn't coherently speak. He had made noises and tried to speak, but they doubted that he knew his own name or how to verbalize it to them.

"Whoever takes them in might want to name the kids themselves," Daniel pointed out, "What would be the point in us doing so? It'll just confuse them."

Vala suddenly became melancholy and tightened her grip on the young boy she held as she made rocking motions while she sat on the grass.

Landry had allowed the Jacksons to take them off base since it was no place for young children and Daniel and Vala had been taking care of them since they brought them back with them four days ago. Landry had taken them off the mission rotation, so Cameron and Teal'c had been coming by every day help out and talk about potential planets to rehome them on.

But as Daniel watched his wife each day with them, he had a feeling that Earth might be their new home. The boy had gravitated more towards Vala than him and he didn't mind since the little girl seemed to favor him more. They seemed to fit with him and Vala and he had a sinking feeling that if they did rehome them somewhere else that it would crush Vala. He decided then and there that they needed to talk tonight about it.

"Food's ready!" Jack O'Neill's voice rang from the deck.

Daniel stopped the soccer ball with his foot as the girl kicked it back to him. He smiled at her, pleased that after four days of trying, she was finally starting to loosen up around them and was engaging with him. Cameron had brought toys over the other day and today, she was finally playing with him. It was just kicking the ball back and forth, but Daniel took it as progress. He knelt to her eye level. "You hungry?" he asked gently, smiling wider when she gave him a small nod. "C'mon," he encouraged her to follow, knowing she wouldn't take his hand.

Jack was setting the food on the table as they all gathered around it and Vala looked at it skeptically. "Please tell me you didn't use your secret ingredient."

"No," the General instantly denied before gingerly added, "Well, not on the hot dogs."

Vala rolled her eyes but just grabbed one of the hot dogs and began cutting it up for the girl while Daniel went to grab one of the jars of baby food they bought for the boy. They hadn't bought a highchair for the youngest child and had instead taken turn to holding him while they fed him. It was Daniel's turn tonight. Besides, they wanted the children to feel comfortable with both of them.

Vala set the girl's plate in front of her before taking the chair next to her. The girl looked over at Vala and spoke for the first time. "Sit?"

The table all froze, staring at the child.

Vala didn't her best not to let the shock get to her and forced herself to talk. "You want to sit with me?" she guessed since the child was already seated beside her. The child nodded and Vala did her best not to let her emotions get the better of her as she lifted the child onto her lap.

It was the first time the child had willingly allowed anyone to hold her, much less touch her, and it was progress.

Daniel watched Vala with her and knew she was a goner. His eyes shifted to Jack and when the man felt his stare, Jack looked back at him, raising his brows in a questioning manner. Daniel's shifted to Vala for a second and Jack got the message and replied with the slightest of nods. Daniel gave him a thankful smile and began feeding the boy.

Vala was right – they needed names.

o0o

"You want to keep them," Daniel stated later that night when she walked out of their bathroom. He had been waiting for her, perched on the edge of the bed, to have this conversation, and decided the sooner, the better.

Vala halted. "Yes," she replied, sounding a little surprised at herself, "You?"

He smiled at her. "Yes."

She relaxed and took a seat besides him. "I didn't expect this," she told him, "I had no idea I could fall so madly in love with them in such a short amount of time, but Daniel, I did, and I can't fathom the thought of giving them up."

"I know, I feel the same," he confided, "I suspect this is how Sam and Janet felt when they met Cassie. I mean, we all fell in love with her, but not with the kind of love a parent has for a child."

Vala turned to him, her expression one of concern. "Will they let us keep them?"

Daniel smiled assuredly at her. "Jack's already on it," he told her and grabbed her hand, "When she asked to sit with you, I knew you were a goner…we both were. Jack saw it to, and I gave him the go-ahead."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I can't believe it's actually happening."

He put his arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer to him. "Are you sure about this?" he asked, "Because there's no going back. I know you were wanting an older child, but you gonna be okay with these guys?"

"I'm sure," she promised, "I thought that's what I wanted and maybe if these little darlings hadn't come into our lives, we would've stuck to that, but these children have nothing. I want to give them the home they deserve, and I think that's with us."

Daniel smiled into her hair before kissing it. "I do too."

Vala lifted her head and let his eyes. "So, we're doing this?"

His hand brushed across her cheek. "We're doing this."

She smiled widely. "I love you," she murmured, "I don't know what I did to deserve you. The way you love is almost incomprehensible and I don't deserve it."

Daniel kissed her before resting his head against hers. "I'm gonna love you until we're gray and old," he vowed, "and possibly beyond that."

Vala hit him playfully but pulled him in for a kiss.

o0o

Daniel and Vala Jackson became the legally parents of the two children from the planet Velk five months later and the children bloomed under the love their new parents showered on them. They were the only children the couple had and all four were perfectly okay with that.

Years later, when their daughter was ten years old, she had asked to hear their story, and Daniel had replied that it was a dream that had started it all.

Because dreams teach and Daniel learned the most amazing thing as a result.

The End…for reals – like for actual reals.

o0o

Author's Note: Well, that's it's folks. I know the last half of this was a little rushed, but I didn't want to spend too much time on it.

Final thoughts are always appreciated.