All my love goes to Fran, Dani, Ariel, Gemma, and YOU for reading!
New sheets. Shampoo and conditioner. Toothpaste.
I grab what I can at the store downtown, my cart filling quickly as I stock up on the essentials. The cabin is basically empty, and if I live as simply as I plan, I won't need to make another trip to the store for another month.
There's a working stove and a decent-sized freezer, so whatever I buy today, I'll freeze and save for whenever I need it. There will be a time when the money from Rose will run out, so I need to be smart about how much I spend today and how quickly I use the things I buy.
I walk up and down the aisles without a sense of urgency, no need to check my watch to make sure I'm still on his schedule like I used to be. It's amazing to me I can stand here in front of a bunch of different orange juices and calculate the better sale amongst them all - because I have the time. I'm on my own schedule, and the laugh I let out in the frozen foods section of the grocery store is the first genuine laugh I've had in years.
All because there's a sale of orange juice for two for five.
I continue browsing the store, finding at least one item per aisle I need back at the cabin, and the smile never leaves my face. My good mood, maybe only temporary, makes this trip fun. Exciting.
My own.
I end up taking way too long, but like they say, time flies when you're having fun. And I think that's what I'm having right now for the first time in years. Fun. In the grocery/department store in Forks, Washington.
"All set?" The cashier asks when I finally make it to the register. I know I'm more than set, as my good mood has definitely led to some impulse buys, but as I'm putting the items onto the conveyer belt, I know each purchase is necessary for me to be able to lay low at home until things settle down. It may put a dent in the cash I brought with me, but it's necessary and will be the last time I spend any of that money for a long while.
"Think so," I ponder to the cashier. "I won't really know until I get home and find out."
Home.
"That always happens," Angela, or so says her name tag, laughs. "New in town?"
Judging by the contents of my shopping trip today, it is quite obvious I'm stocking up an empty house.
"Yeah," I admit, though I'm not quite comfortable talking about anything that could connect my two very different worlds. Angela seems friendly enough, so I offer her a small smile. "Seems great so far."
She nods, reading me my total and handing me back the change after I'm done paying. She returns the smile. "We're glad to have you."
Her words resonate with me on my drive back to the cabin. We're glad to have you. It makes me think back to the last time I had felt wanted - the last time someone had said those words to me and meant them. Thinking of dark times like those brings me down from my high, and it's a good thing.
Good moods are fine - welcome, even. But I can't allow it to let me grow too comfortable too quickly. I've sacrificed too much in my life for me to come this far, only for me to ruin it with my big mouth or negligence. Angela, the cashier, while nice - had read me like an open book. I had all the evidence of just moving in right in front of me, not to mention my positive mood to go with it.
I had to be more careful. I had to remember that besides Rose and Alice, I'm the only one I can trust. Especially around here when everyone is a stranger.
When I turn the corner onto my dead-end street, I pass the neighbor from earlier. He's in his driveway, bent over beneath the hood of his car, but because my truck sounds like the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Jurassic Park, he can hear me coming from a mile away.
This time, he offers me a wave.
The pull of his uniquely colored auburn hair against the gray skies of Forks makes it very hard for me to ignore him.
But I do.
The question...is how long will she be able to ignore her neighbor?
See you tomorrow!