Well, here is the next chapter. Not much to say, honestly. Except that I have decided to crank the weirdness factor all the way up to 11. Love it or hate it, but that's what you get. This chapter also sees the return of one of the most forgotten characters of Starcraft. Most people complain about the quality of Starcraft's story. But to me, it was always a video game first and foremost, and I didn't expect Shakespeare. And I enjoyed it, for the most part. But some loose ends just kept bothering me. Like Niadra. When they added her in Heart of the Swarm, I was dead certain that we would get a mission in Legacy of the Void where they would find that ship and deal with her. You know, like a tutorial mission where you learn the ropes and Artanis would board the vessel and at the end he would deal with her. Something like that. But no, she just vanished into obscurity. I don't know if she reappeared in some other media, like books or comics. I mean, I could check the Starcraft-wiki for that. But my stance is simple: If it's not part of the games, I don't really care about it.
Besides, I'm so far off the original storyline that I can do anything I want and get away with murder anyway.
So let's just do that, shall we?
The "do anything I want", not the "get away with murder"-part.
Also, Alexei is cursing in Russian in this chapter. It's one word. And I don't talk Russian at all. So if I wrote nonsense, please tell me.
Chapter 36
If you offer a helping hand, remember to wash it afterward
''Could you slow down please?" Alexei gasped as he tried his best to keep up with Paula.
''No." was her only reply.
''I told your mother not to walk behind you."
''As long as you don't look at my butt, I think it's okay''.
''It's harder to do that than you might think." That was not what any lady wanted to hear from a guy.
"You're really charming, did anyone ever tell you that?"
"Occasionally. Though "desperate" was more common."
"Geez, I wonder why?" Paula whispered before she stepped into a clearing and looked around. The signs of war and destruction were clearly visible. Yet there were no Zerg around. And no sentient trees. Only dead ones. And normal ones. At least that's what Paula thought. If she was brutally honest, then she had no clue what the locals truly were.
Speaks volume about how much you care for your home if you don't even know your neighbors, right?
"So, what's with all those trees? And why are some of them not moving and looking like, well, trees." Alexei asked as if he had sensed Paula's thoughts.
"Those who stand around and do nothing are trees. Well, most of them. My folks brought them along when Uncle Joe decided to create his garden. The locals didn't seem to mind. At least, I think so. Dunno. It's hard to tell."
"But what are they? Are they sentient?"
"Sentient enough to beat you up if you annoy them, yeah."
"You're kidding me." Alexei mumbled.
"Sadly, no." Paula replied before she started to walk up a steep hill. "They reproduce like normal trees. I think. Never saw two of 'em humping each other anyway. They grow fruits, those fruits fall to the ground. Oh, by the way: If you see a fruit, don't touch it."
"Why?" Alexei dared to ask.
"They scream."
"Scream?"
"Scream. As in: Like mad banshees. And if one of them screams, all of them do. It's infernal. Trust me, you don't want to find out."
"But...how do they scream? Do they have mouths?"
"Not that I know of." Paula told him.
"Then...how?" Alexei kept asking, which was mildly annoying.
"Listen, I don't know!" Paula sneered. "All I know is that you don't touch them. Or you can say goodbye to your eardrums."
"Okay..." Alexei muttered. "...and then they just turn into trees themselves?"
"Almost. They actually bury themselves in the ground. After a couple of months, a small tree sprouts and then, well, it moves on."
"Moves on?"
"Yes, moves on." Paula sighed. "Their...sproutlings, I guess, they aren't stationary. They un-dig themselves and then they wander around, looking for a nice place to settle down. So, if you encounter a palm tree about this size-" She stopped and pointed at herself. "...just avoid it. It leaves you alone as long as you leave it alone. Most of the time."
"This world...is strange." Alexei whispered.
"That's what makes it home. I was told by many that, after seeing this world, they understand why I am the way I am. I'm not certain wherever this is a compliment or not."
"Is that so?"
"No, I made that up. No one ever came here before you guys." Paula admitted. Alexei made a mental note to not keep asking questions for which he didn't really want any answers in the first place.
"You know...I never really got a chance to talk to you, but I want to tell you something-" he began.
"You're not my type, so don't bother."
"Eh, that's not what I'm...you know, nevermind. No, what I wanted to ask you is if you have any experience in dealing with Zerg." Alexei asked. "You know, since we're about to deal with the Swarm and all."
"Yeah, don't worry, I got plenty of experience dealing with Zerg." Paula replied. "Less than 5% of my genome are actually Zerg. Little leftover when my Mum was younger and partying with the wrong crowd. But you were there, so yeah."
"Partying with the wrong crowd...that certainly is a way to put it." Alexei muttered. "So, you have experience when dealing with Zerg?"
"Yeah, sure, Auntie Izsha practically helped raised me!"
"Eh...that's not what I mean. I get it that Izsha is close to your heart and all, but what experience do you have with actual Zerg. You know, like commanding your own brood? Leading broodmothers and swarmqueens? Maintaining a psionic hold over them and tell them what to do?" That's when Paula stopped at looked Alexei straight into the eyes.
"Uhm...none?" she offered.
"I was afraid you'd say that." Alexei whispered.
"Why?"
"Because we are being followed." he told her and pointed at the nearby tree line. And just as he did, several figures emerged. All Paula and Alexei saw were teeth and claws.
"Oh boy." was all Paula could say. Suddenly Alexei was having all sorts of bad memories fighting for his attention. He swallowed hard as he watched how Zerglings and Hydralisks emerged from the jungle, their maws dripping with drool and hissing in anger.
"Uhm...can you tell them to stay away? Can you do that?" he asked. "Paula?" he asked again when he got no answer. And when she still wouldn't answer, Alexei would look at her again.
Only to find out that she was already a hundred meters ahead of him, running like crazy.
"Could you...please...slow down..." Dan panted as he tried to keep up with Evalonis. The Protoss wasn't really in a hurry, it was just that he was so much taller than every step he made meant that Dan had to make three.
"No." Evalonis simply replied. They came across signs of battle, yet no Zerg. There were trees, some of them uprooted, some of them torn to pieces. But neither Dan nor Evalonis had any clue whether these were locals or actually just normal trees. As they continued to move west, Dan wondered if he should engage in some sort of small talk. However, he had the impression that Evalonis wasn't really into that.
Funny, right now he wished that Sirella was here, and not that giant of a warrior.
Especially after that royal dunking Evalonis had given him.
Dan wondered if the Protoss had a concept for "bullying". And something like High School. If so, then he had little doubt that Evalonis had excelled at that.
"Do you...even know...where we...have to...go?" Dan pressed out as they reached a clearing. There was some visible destruction here, yet nothing moved.
"West."
"That's not...whoa...hold on a second..." the human groaned as Evalonis actually stopped. "...I need to catch...some breath." Oh, his sides were hurting! The huge Protoss didn't pay any attention and instead scanned his surroundings. "Do you...know which...way to go?"
"No." Evalonis admitted.
"Then...we are lost?"
"I doubt it."
"What...makes you say...that?" Dan asked and Evalonis looked down at the small creature in his arms.
"Because they gave us a guide. Is that not right?" Evalonis asked Rose, who threw her stubby arms high up in the air.
"I'm an awesome guide!" she cheered. "I know where Daddy is! This way!" She then pointed in a direction and Evalonis nodded.
"Most helpful indeed. Thank you, young Rose." And with that Evalonis began to walk again, and Dan was forced to suck it up and run after them.
"Do I get a treat?" Rose wanted to know.
"What kind of treat? I am unsure what you like and what to give you." Evalonis replied.
"Sugar!" the mini-Izsha explained.
"How much sugar do you want?"
"All of it!" Well, that made it easy.
"I will do my best to get you as much sugar as possible once we are done here. You have my word." Evalonis declared. It made Dan wonder if Protoss even knew what "sweet" tasted like since they didn't even have mouths and tongues. But Dan knew that asking Evalonis anything right now was not in his own best interest. Still, as they moved on, he felt the urge to ask Evalonis again if it was truly wise to ask a sugar-addicted half...whatever Rose was for direction.
However, he didn't have to wait much longer for an answer to arrive.
Because that's when they could hear him...
"...I think I hear a voice." Dan mused.
"I believe you are correct." Evalonis hummed. "Perhaps this is-"
"DADDY!" Rose suddenly yelled and threw her short arms high up into the air once more. That was all the confirmation they needed.
"It seems we're close. Good thing that nothing went wrong. Maybe we can pull this off without anything going-" Dan started. That's when suddenly all trees in the vicinity turned around and leaned down until their treetops were focused on them. Like heads staring at them. "...wrong." Evalonis looked down at Dan and squinted his eyes.
"You just had to challenge the universe with that statement." the Protoss growled.
"I think what you want to say is: "You just had to jinx it." And yeah..." Dan whispered as the trees began to close in on them, their roots stomping on the ground and causing it to vibrate.
"Did anyone ever tell you that you possess the innate ability that makes others want to beat you up?" Dan gulped hard when he heard that question as the trees rustled their tree-tops, producing loud cracking sounds, like people who were flexing their muscles and cracking their necks.
"Occasionally..." Dan whispered.
"Your...mother...is...the Queen...of Blades...!" Alexei screamed as he ran next to Paula. "Can't...you tell them...to stop...chasing us?!"
"Mum...WAS...the Queen...of Blades!" Paula corrected him. "And there was...a strict...no-zerg-...at home...policy in place!"
"How...inconvenient!" And that was truly the nicest thing he had to say right now. Perhaps he should have joined the other two guys in getting that Joseph or whatever. It couldn't possibly be worse than this, right?
Right...
Alexei had no idea where they were running. Paula was the local. Yet from what he had seen so far, her sense of direction wasn't exactly the best out there. As they stormed through the jungle, they were giving the Zerg a hard time following them. But that wasn't really a strategy that would get them anywhere for much longer. Except, well, to a horrible death.
"Over...there!" Paula panted. "Behind that...slope!" Alexei nodded but actually had no idea what Paula was trying to tell him. Behind the slope? More Zerg? Or go there and hide? From Zerg? That sounded so stupid that Alexei was certain it couldn't be Paula's strategy.
Then again...we are talking about Paula Kerrigan here...
Still, Alexei was in no position to complain. Or come up with a strategy of his own. They ran around the slope as a bunch of Zerglings closed in on them. Sadly, there was no company of trained soldiers waiting for them. You know, that would have made Alexei's day. All he saw were even more trees. Paula ran straight towards them as if she was driven by purpose and not mindless panic.
"WHAT...IS YOUR...PLAN?!" Alexei yelled as Paula reached the next tree line...
...and smashed right into the nearest tree.
Paula tackled the tree hard, only to stumble. She stayed on her feet and kept running. Until she smashed into the next tree. And then the next one. At first Alexei wondered if Kerrigan's daughter was broken or something. But then he noticed that she was doing it on purpose. As if she had read his mind, Paula looked over her shoulder and straight at him.
"The trees!"
"What about them?" he asked.
"Make 'em mad!" And then Paula grabbed a big fruit that was right in her path, shook it like crazy and threw it against the trunk of a nearby tree. Just when Alexei wondered what the point of this behavior was, he remembered what Paula had told him earlier.
Their fruits could scream.
And boy, did they!
A screech that sounded like the scream of the damned almost shattered his eardrums when the fruit bounced off the tree. He pressed his hands on his ears while Paula was grabbing the next fruit and shook it, all while abusing another one as a football. The noise was infernal and unlike anything Alexei had ever experienced. And with every screaming fruit, it became louder. Paula was yelling something at him, yet he didn't understand a word. She pointed with her finger behind Alexei, and he looked over his shoulder and understood. The Zerglings were following them, but they had slowed down considerably. They shook their crowns in rage and confusion as the noise was barreling down on them. Since the noise was coming from all sides at once, they couldn't really pinpoint the source of the noise.
Not that there was a single source.
The whole damn forest just started to scream.
It was glorious!
Only for all the wrong reasons.
Paula and Alexei ran through the screaming forest, their hands pressed against their ears, and ran as fast as they could. The noise didn't miss its intended purpose. A quick glance confirmed Alexei's initial observation; the Zerg seemed to be confused. He sure as hell couldn't blame them. Even with his hands blocking his ears, the noise was so loud that it made his head hurt. They had to get out of here, and fast!
Thankfully Paula seemed to have exactly that in mind. They ran towards a clearing and when they stepped outside, they left the noise behind. That didn't mean that they were in the clear though. As they left the screaming forest, they ran through hip-high grass that was pretty silent, for which Alexei was grateful. And when he could finally hear his own thoughts again, Alexei asked the one question that bothered him the most...
"I can't...believe...Kerrigan would...allow those Zerg...to hurt you..." he managed to gasp. "...this has...to be a... mistake!" He couldn't accept the fact that anyone was willing to allow their own child to endure something like this!
"You wanna...find out? Then by all means...just stop and wait...and see what happens!" Paula shouted back. She looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened in fear. "Oh shoot." Alexei knew that he shouldn't look. He just knew it. He could see it all over Paula's face. Right behind him was something horrible going on. And for the sake of his own sanity, he shouldn't look.
And then he looked."
"Вот дерьмо!" he cursed in Russian.
"I couldn't agree more!" Paula shouted, even though she had no idea what he had just said.
It was a rather fitting way to describe what was going on behind them...
...especially when a goddamn Ultralisk broke through the dense jungle and chased after them.
Dan had long since stopped questioning the absurdity of everything that had happened to him. However, being taken prisoner by a bunch of walking palm trees certainly was a new low. Left and right of him marched some trees. They were pretty fast. And not only that, their movements were perfectly synchronized. Either someone had trained them to march like a proper military unit, or trees were natural-born soldiers.
Dan didn't know which thought was scarier.
He would never be able to walk through a forest anymore without thinking about sentient trees ambushing him. Another thing he had to thank Paula Kerrigan for. Though these trees right here seemed to be a lot more organized than he would expect. They moved like a well-oiled machine, and any drill sergeant would be proud to see such a fine display of military discipline.
They marched across what seemed to be a staging ground for a goddamn invasion. With trees. There were even trees jumping around as if they were working out. And Dan could swear that there were some trees doing push-ups. How do you do push-ups without any arms? Well, now Dan knew.
And then they lay gaze upon him...
"You gotta be..." Dan started.
"...make fun of us." Evalonis finished how any good Protoss would. And for the first time since, well, forever, both could agree on something completely.
"DADDY!" Rose yelled and raised her arms. Yet her father had no time. Because Joseph Brent was holding a speech.
"Soldiers!" Joe spoke up. He stood on a big rock and wore what looked like combat fatigues.
"What's with those pants?!" Dan whispered. He had never seen anything like it. How could he? He didn't even know what a horse looked like, so he had no idea what ancient cavalry pants looked like either. What he did know, though, was how ridiculous this man looked like, with his pants, his ancient-looking steel helmet, and a riding crop in his hand.
"May I have your attention!" Joseph barked, and next to him a tree began to rustle its treetop.
Rustle rustle rustle
All trees turned around and stood at attention immediately. Dan started to realize that he should stop relying on his sense of reason if he wanted to make it out of this alive. And find that switch to turn off his sanity. It was during this exact moment when he realized something. All of this, all this madness and insanity, even if he would tell people about it, no one would ever believe him. And he couldn't blame them.
And without Dan even noticing it...
...he smiled as he stared at Joseph Brent delivering his speech.
"Soldiers!" Joseph Brent spoke up. "May I have your attention!" Next to him, the sergeant-at-arms relayed his every order.
Rustle rustle rustle.
"Let me be the first to congratulate you!" he then continued.
Rustle rustle.
"For the last couple of days, you have not only withstood the might of the Swarm. Not only have you weathered the destruction of war. Not only have you shown courage in the line of fire!"
Rustle rustle. Rustle. Rustle rustle rustle. his sergeant-at-arms translated.
"But you have faced the greatest and most dreadful thing this universe has to offer!" Joseph then continued and the look on his face grew cold and stern. "You have faced the scorn of an angry woman!"
Rustle rustle rustle. Rustle.
"Before this tragedy struck, we were just acquaintances. We shared the same home. And the same dreams of just hanging around and let the sun shine on us. However, sometimes fate has different plans for us, and so we find ourselves fighting not only for our survival but also for our right to have our own opinion!"
Rustle. Rustle rustle rustle rustle. Rustle. Rustle rustle.
Joseph watched how some of the trees shook their treetops in confirmation.
"Yet all of this is about to come to an end. Because of her..." The way he pronounced that last word made it clear that it had to be the most vicious of enemies. "...for far too long we accepted this situation. For all the wrong reasons we mistook servitude for peace. Yet now that our eyes have been opened to the truth, we shall not close them again!" Joseph's voice began to rise and next to him the tree was starting to have a hard time keeping up with him.
RustleRustleRustleRustle...
"We fought them on the beaches. We fought them on the plains. And we gave them a run for their money! Remember, soldiers, that this is your moment in history. No one would have believed that plant life could not only survive a battle but come out on top. You have written history!"
RustleRustleRustleRustleRustleRustleRustle.
Some of the trees began to shake their treetops again and seemed to look at each other as if to congratulate themselves for a job well done.
"However, this is but the first step! We might have won a battle or two, yet the war drags on. And we have lost, oh have we lost so many. But do not allow your grief to take over. Remember the good times, and that they fought and died for a good cause!" Those words earned Joseph another round of confirmation.
"But, my fellow soldiers, I also have to tell you the sad truth: This war won't just go away by itself. We can continue to win one battle after the other, and we shall! But as long as we do not get to the root of things and pull them out, we will...what?" he stopped when he noticed how many trees suddenly began to twitch and shudder. He looked at the tree right next to him. "...what did I say?"
Rustle rustle. Rustle.
"Oh..."
Rustle.
"Oh, I see. I... I am sorry. I didn't know." Joseph muttered, harrumphed and straightened himself. "Soldiers, as I was just informed, I might have said something insensitive. That was not my intention. I was not aware that "pulling one's roots out" is a grave insult and horribly thing to say among plant-based lifeforms."
Rustle rustle rustle.
"I understand my mistakes, and will make sure to correct them." Joseph then informed everyone. He then took a deep breath and gathered himself. "Still, my own personal shortcomings should not stop us from looking at the real threat to our little world. And that is her!" Another tree suddenly walked up and had something attached to its tree crown. It was a... huge poster? And as the tree shook itself, the poster came down and revealed the huge image of none other than...
...Izsha.
"This!" Joseph barked and pointed at the poster. "...is the enemy. She is ruthless, she is merciless, she is without any sense of humor, but boy, is she good in bed, am I right, eh?" he joked. No one laughed. After a long and awkward moment of silence
"Moving on..." Joseph growled. "For all her abilities that make you want to love and adore her, she cannot accept criticism or any form of deviant thought. Which is fine and all, except when enforcing these thoughts on others!" And then he added: "Especially your own kids.", but no one heard that. "As long as we will accept this behavior, we will never see any change! I say it's enough! My soldiers, I understand that we are facing the most vicious of all enemies. But it could be worse! For her daughters are nothing like her. It is the proof that the apple does sometimes fall far away from the tree and...oh what now?!" Joseph stopped when the trees became restless once more. His Seargent-at-arms leaned over to him.
RustleRustleRustle...
"I see."
RustleRustleRustleRustle. Rustle.
"Understood. Yes, I can see your point. Thank you." he mumbled and addressed his troops once more. "I apologize again. I was not aware that proverbs and puns involving plant life are such a sensitive matter. I shall do my best to refrain from doing such things in the future." Tough crowd. "Back to the real issue, yes?"
That's when another tree came up to him, that one too having a poster attached to its treetop.
"This is how our movement shall be known, throughout the entire galaxy, by this new name!" The poster was unrolled, and it showed...a stylized version of Izsha. With a big fat red canceled symbol on her. And below it stood in big bold letters NOT MA'AMZ.
"I hereby declare this movement to be called the "National Organization of Trees and Men against Amazonian Masterhood...and Zerg." he declared. "It was totally my idea and I didn't rip it off from some obscure entertainment show from the ancient past that I stumbled upon by accident. Oh no!"
…
…
…
Can trees even read?
"We shall bring peace and justice to this world, to any world, and will make sure that no tree or man will ever have to face this-"
"Daddy!" he was interrupted and looked down. Between the trees stood a huge Protoss. And he was holding Rose! Joseph jumped off his rock and ran over to them.
"Rose!" he barked. "Who are you and what are you doing with my daughter?" he yelled at the Protoss that he had never seen before.
"Carrying her around, mostly." the Protoss grunted and handed Rose over immediately. Joseph basically ripped the mini-Izsha out of the Protoss arms and looked at her.
"Rose, are you alright? How have you been? Has Sarah been good to you? And most importantly..." he then pointed his finger at the Protoss. "...who is that?" Behind Evalonis a human suddenly poked his head to the side.
"I'm here too by the way." the man grunted. Joseph squinted his eyes and frowned.
"Oh, good to know...whoever you are."
"We met. I think. I was told. I was kinda busy being eating by my own innards back then, but you do seem familiar." the man explained.
"Yeah, no. That doesn't really narrow it down." Joseph muttered. "Whatever, I'm currently right in the middle of something and unless you don't have a proper damn good reason for interrupting me and dragging my daughter out here, I'd suggest that you go back from wherever you come from. No offense." The Protoss frowned and then straightened himself.
"Pardon me. Let me introduce myself. My name is Evalonis and I-"
"...don't care." Joseph interrupted him. "Like said; I'm in the middle of something and this is more important."
"But we need you to return to-"
"So, unless you want to join the NOT MA'AMZ-movement, I suggest you just scramble. No offense and all, but I got more important-" That's when Rose spoke up.
"My sisters are back!" she suddenly declared and Joseph's eyes widened in shock.
"WHAT?!" he gasped and held his daughter right up to his face. "Where? Where are they, Rose?" Rose then pointed at the battlecruiser hanging high up in the air above them.
"Miss Kerrigan wants you to come back too!" Rose then continued.
"Why didn't you say so?" Joseph sighed. "Okay, yeah, get it. Let's go. And let's get you back to your sisters, yeah?" Rose only nodded like crazy when she heard that and so Joseph walked off without throwing another glance at his troops.
"Uhm...what about them?" The Protoss called Evalonis hummed and pointed at the many trees. Joseph stopped and frowned.
"Oh, yeah, you're right..." And then he harrumphed once more. "Soldiers! It was my honor to have led you into battle. Never have I ever seen such a fine display of woodwork in my entire life. I will always remember you as the bravest trees that I have ever met. Captain Palmer!" One specific tree made a step forward and straightened itself.
RustleRustle.
"I hereby promote you to General of the Armies. Make me proud, trooper. Make me proud!" And then Joseph turned around and simply walked away. "Come on, people. Let's go. We wouldn't let Sarah waiting." They were about to leave when suddenly...
"You hear that?" Dan asked and the others stopped. It was a faint sound...one that was becoming louder.
"Yes. What is this?" Evalonis wondered. Next to them Joseph groaned.
"I know that sound..." he sighed.
"...aulaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" James Raynor screamed when he burst out of a nearby bush and looked around. When he spotted Joseph, Dan, Evalonis and Rose, there was a mad glint in his eyes.
"WHERE IS SHE?!" Jim Raynor screamed.
"Hey, James, nice to see you. How's life? Haven't seen a while. Is everything good on your en-" Joseph began until he was interrupted by Jim.
"WHERE IS PAULA?!"
"How should I know?" Joseph replied. It was Evalonis who pointed north.
"She traveled north, to find the one called Izsha and-" the Protoss began.
"NORTH?!" Jim screamed. "GODDAMMIT!" And before Evalonis could even finish the sentence, the raging man had vanished inside the bushes once more.
"...return to Sarah Kerrigan." Evalonis muttered before he looked at Joseph. "So, this is Paula's father? He seems...uhm...well..."
"Yeah, don't sweat it." Joseph replied. "It's a common reaction when dealing with Jim Raynor. Come on, let's get back to Sarah."
"The longer I know you..." Alexei gasped. "...the more I think...that being lost inside the Hyperion...wasn't so bad...after all..." They ran towards a nearby slope, though Alexei had lost all sense of direction by now. He was just following Paula. Though he had his doubts that Paula knew where they were heading either. By now it seemed that they were just running aimlessly through mother nature while being chased by Zerg.
"You can always...stop and ask...if they're gonna infest you...once more..." Paula panted back. "...no one's...stopping you..."
Fair point.
The Ultralisk was gone, in case anyone wondered. They had lost him after another frantic run through a screaming forest. And while that had saved their butts, Alexei was pretty certain that he was permanently hearing impaired by now.
"Where are we...going?" he yelled as loud as possible. He could hear the screams and hisses of more Zerg. They were close. Really damn close. So close that he didn't dare to look over his shoulder.
"Uncle Joe's home!" Paula screamed back.
"Why would we go there?"
"It's a cave! Zerg love caves! I'm sure we can find Auntie Izsha there!"
…
…
…
"Your uncle lives in a cave?!"
"There's more...to it...don't worry!" But those words didn't really help to shut the nagging doubts inside Alexei's mind up.
"I don't want to...question your...plan...but I really would like to know...what makes you so sure...that we will find Izsha there...aside from it being your uncle's home?!"
"It's the only...place with a...tv on all of Sternenheim." Paula looked over her shoulder and flashed Alexei a smile. "You don't think that Izsha would go somewhere without being able to watch her favorite telenovela, do you?" No. No, Alexei no longer wanted to think about anything at all. Ever. Again. It just leads him to the same sad point where he had started.
"I shouldn't...have asked..." he muttered to himself. That's when he noticed how the look on Paula's face turned horrified again.
"Oh shoot!" she gasped and he made the mistake to look over his shoulder as well.
Big mistake.
"I REALLY HAVE TO TALK WITH YOUR MOTHER ABOUT HER PARENTING STYLE!" Alexei screamed.
"I AGREE!" Paula shouted back. They ran around a group of trees, and Alexei could only hope that they were close to their destination, because he was starting to run on fumes. The fact that they were actually running towards the center of this brood had entered his mind, yet he had decided to ignore logic for now. And when they came around the corner-
"Oh crap!" Paula gasped as she stopped.
There was a huge wall of rock right in front of them. However, what was clearly not there, was a cave.
"Eh, wrong turn." the young Paula muttered.
This was a dead end.
"Wrong turn? WRONG TURN? This is your home! How can you take a wrong turn on your turf?!" Alexei yelled.
"I had a lot on my mind, the last couple of days have been very stressing, and I'm NOT USED TO BEING CHASED BY ZERG!" Paula shouted back. "Perhaps we can-" That's when they heard snarls and hisses behind them. "Oh no..."
Time was up.
"Well...that could have gone better." Alexei growled. They faced what looked like roughly a dozen of Zerglings as well as three Hydralisks. More than enough to tear them apart. Unless...
"Come on, end them!" Alexei hissed.
"End them? With what? Throwing rocks at them?!" Paula blared back.
"You are the daughter of the single-most powerful psionic in the known universe! I know you're not that much into carnage, but this isn't funny anymore!"
"I can't perform under pressure!" was Paula's only reply. And before Alexei could actually strangle Sarah Kerrigan's offspring, someone new arrived. Or rather: Something new. From the nearby treeline, something emerged. Something fast. Something bright. Its color was a bright gray, almost white. And boy, was it fast!
"SSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Alexei watched in horror and awe howa creature uglier than anything he had ever seen before threw itself at the closest Hydralisks. It tackled the Zerg to the ground and bit its head right off its shoulders. Before the other Zerg could even react this creature, which looked like a weird mutated lizard with a hammer-like head, tore through the other Zerg. It was a sight to behold. And while Alexei's face lost all color, Paula threw her arms high up in the air and screamed in joy.
"WOHOOOO! GO, MOBY!"
And Moby did indeed go. She went all out.
After the carnage was over, Alexei felt as if he never wanted to have schnitzel again. He had seen his fair share of carnage, sure. But that...that had been a whole new level of meat grinding. Whatever a "moby" was, he was glad that they hadn't been around back in the day.
"Who's a good girl? You're a good girl!" Paula had praised this...thing like some sort of pet. A pet that covered with the blood of its devoured enemies.
"Ssssaaaa sssssaaa sssaaaaa!" the creature hissed as it received a well-deserved portion of belly-rubs.
"That is Moby!"
"What is a moby?"
"That's her name, duh! She's my family's pet kriecher."
"What is a kriecher?"
"Moby is a kriecher!" Paula just replied, leading the conversation in circles. "Who's a good kriecher? You are a good kriecher!" And while Paula continued to pet her...pet, Alexei looked at the carnage this "Moby" had left behind. Some of those bodies were still twitching. You could almost pity those Zerg. They never stood a chance.
"Say, Moby, do you know where Auntie Izsha is?"
"Ssssssaaaaaaaaaa..."
"Great! Could you take us to her?" Paula asked as if she could actually talk to this giant critter.
"Ssssaaaa sssaaaaaa..."
"Sorry, Moby, I got no treats with me right now." When Paula said that, the ugly critter looked straight at Alexei.
"Ssssssssaaaaaaaaa..."
"No, he's not a treat."
"Ssssaaaa..." Alexei could swear that this creature sounded almost...disappointed.
"Tell you what..." Paula then said. "...if you can take us to Auntie Izsha, then I will give you the belly rub of a lifetime!" The critter tilted the head to the side, almost like a puppy would, only not cute at all. Then it looked at Alexei again.
"Sssssaaaaa sssaaaa sssaaaaaaa."
"No, you can't eat him."
"Sssssssaaaaaa..." And then "Moby" turned around and simply trotted away.
"Good girl!" Paula beamed and ran after this...thing. "Come on, let's go!" she yelled at Alexei, far too cheerful for his taste. He wanted to tell her to go to hell. Paula Kerrigan was insane, unhinged, and utterly irresponsible. Alexei started to understand why Dan was so furious whenever her name was mentioned. And even though Alexei was in dire need of some lovin' lady, he knew the one golden rule: Never date someone crazier than yourself.
When he heard something hiss nearby, Alexei realized that there were many more Zerg lurking in the shadows. And the only thing that kept them safe was a hideous hammerhead-shark/lizard-hybrid-thingie.
Perhaps he should have kept staring at Paula's butt when her mother was around, that way the older Kerrigan would have put him out of his misery right back there and then.
They found Izsha without any more incidents. Aside from hissing Zerg staring at them from the distance. But Zerg were fast learners. They knew that Moby was, in fact, meaner than a bunch of hunter-killers having a bad hair day. Perhaps Alexei was imagining things, but he could swear that he saw an Ultralisk lurking behind a big hill that wasn't really keen on approaching them. An Ultralisk. Hiding. That said something.
And when they finally found the one in command...
"...need to replenish the forces that were lost during the last skirmish." Izsha explained. She was talking to another Zerg, but one who was clearly able to understand her commands. "We also have to reinforce the perimeter, so make sure to breed more larvae. Once that is done, I want you to make sure that we have enough spare troops to face another ambush or attack. So see it to-"
"Create more larvae, yes, I get it." Niadra sighed. She looked really unhappy. At least to those who knew what an unhappy broodmother looked like. "Can't we take a break, please? I've been producing larvae for the last couple of days non-stop." Niadra moaned. "My cloaca hurts."
"Your cloaca is of no concern to me, Niadra." Izsha replied. "This is far more serious. We cannot allow a male serving her Majesty believe that they have actually anything to say. James Raynor, as much as it pains me to admit, knows his place as Sarah Kerrigan's appendix. And it pains me even more that Joseph, of all people, has decided to rebel against this natural order. And what's even worse..." Izsha snarled. "...he made my daughters believe in this nonsense!"
"Perhaps you should talk things out?" Niadra offered. "You know, about your feelings and all that? Seems to work for her Majesty." Izsha didn't even bother to reply anything to that. Instead, she noticed how someone was approaching and straightened herself.
"Paula." Izsha declared and lowered her head. "You have returned to us. It warms my hearts to see you among us once more. Have your travels been fruitful and enlightening? Most importantly, however...where are my daughters? Have you brought them with you as well?"
"Hello Auntie Izsha..." Paula sighed. She trailed both Moby behind her...and someone that Izsha hadn't been expecting.
"Alexei Stukov. Have you decided to reenter service to her Majesty?"
"Not really." Alexei muttered and looked around. "I'm just here because...well, I guess it's a long list of bad decisions that led me here, really." He frowned when he studied the surroundings. There was a hive nearby. But it was...small. And there was literally no creep around. Which was nice, but still made him wonder if this was truly where the Zerg had their base of operations. All of this looked surprisingly normal.
"Hmpf." Izsha sneered before she turned her attention back towards Paula. "Perhaps, Paula, you would like to assist me in disciplining all the males on this planet? You may start with Alexei. I'm sure he won't mind."
"Please don't give him any ideas." Paula sighed. And only then Izsha leaned forward and squinted her eyes.
"Paula...you look terrible. What has transpired?" she asked with a surprisingly gentle and caring tone in her voice.
"Eh', it's nothing." Paula sighed. "Getting chased by Zerg is just not one of my favorite activities, that's-"
"WHAT?!" Izsha hissed when she heard that. "You were chased by Zerg?"
"Yes, but it wasn't that bad. Moby saved our but-" However, Paula didn't even manage to finish that sentence. Izsha turned around and stared down on Niadra with a look of pure fury on her face.
"NIADRA!"
"I'm not going to like this, am I?" the broodmother sighed.
"How dare you to allow your offspring to attack her Majesty's daughter! This is unacceptable!" Izsha roared. "Such an action is utterly disgraceful." Niadra then looked at Paula and shrugged her shoulders.
"Sorry 'bout that." the broodmother muttered
"Don't sweat it." Paula replied. "Such things happen."
"No!" Izsha interjected. "These things don't happen! Niadra, order your current brood to end themselves. Such behavior is unacceptable. Paula, provide Niadra with some of your biomass. She will then spawn a new brood that will recognize your psionics and leave you alone."
"Biomass?" Paula wondered.
"Yes. Some brain matter will suffice. Alternatively, you could provide Niadra with one of your ova." Izsha replied with the mother of all straight faces.
"Oh boy..." Alexei whispered from behind Paula. "...this isn't creepy at all."
"I think I'll pass on that one, thanks." Paula agreed. "Also, didn't Mum, like, put a "no-clones-of-me-or-my-children-for-the-sake-of-reclaiming-the-Swarm"-policy in place?"
"I never was happy with this policy, but yes..." Izsha mumbled. "...however, this is not about reclaiming the Swarm by its rightful ruler."
"Yeah, well, can we skip that part? I'm here to tell you something from Mum."
"Her Majesty? What is it she wants of me? Has she decided to join this campaign? Will she finally take her rightful place and conquer this galaxy as she should have all those centuries ago?" Both Paula and Alexei exchanged worried looks.
"I know she was always very, uhm, devoted, but has she been like this for the past couple of...well, ever?" Alexei whispered.
"No, I think she's on a nostalgia-trip." Paula whispered back. "Which can't be good either."
"What are you two whispering about?" Izsha asked, to which both Alexei and Paula replied "NOTHING!" at the exact same time. Sarah's daughter then coughed and prepared to deliver her mother's request.
"Mum wants you and Joseph to head back to the house. She wants to talk to you. Or something. Time to make peace, I guess." Izsha's reaction to that was...strange. Even for someone with as little facial expression as Izsha, it seemed as if she hadn't really heard anything that Paula had just said.
"Make...peace?" Izsha asked after a while, as if she had never heard that word before and didn't understand its meaning. "Does that mean that Joseph wishes to surrender?"
"Uhm...I don't think so." Paula admitted. "But if it's any consolation, Mum also didn't say that you should make love right away." That's when everyone, Izsha, Alexei and even Niadra, looked at her either displeased, amused, or downright surprised. When the young Kerrigan realized what she had just said, she blushed and started to stutter. "Because of that saying, you know, make love, not war, and since you're at war I thought...nevermind." Silence reigned supreme, and at first it seemed that everyone was baffled by Paula's comment. However, after a while they all noticed that Izsha hadn't moved even a millimeter ever since she had heard that Joseph hadn't surrendered and she was just to report back to Sarah.
"Uhm...Izsha? Are you okay?" Paula asked. Izsha's only reaction was that her eyelid twitched. A bit. It wasn't really even a reaction, and everyone who didn't know her wouldn't have spotted it. But yeah, her eyelid had just twitched.
That couldn't be a good sign.
After a while Izsha took a deep breath...
...and sighed.
"Very well. Let us return to your mother." she simply declared. It was rather anticlimactic, to be honest.
"Just like that?" Paula asked.
"Just like that. However..." Izsha then faced Niadra. "I still expect you to replace your current brood."
"B-but my cloaca..." Niadra whined and then she turned around and presented her zergish behind to the others. "...look how swollen it is! And it's leaking!" Both Paula and Alexei went pale in an instant.
"Oh God..." the young Kerrigan whispered and started to gag.
"...I can't unsee that anymore." Alexei added and turned away.
"I do not care about your cloaca, I think I made that clear." Izsha snarled. "You have your duty; I expect results once I am back. Now, you two, let us return to her Majesty." And with that Izsha took the lead and slithered past the severely traumatized Paula and Alexei.
"Can someone at least help me with my cloaca? I think there's an egg stuck. If someone can put their hand inside and pull it out-" Niadra started.
"She's all yours, Alexei!" Paula gasped before she turned around and ran after Izsha.
"Yeah, no, I think I'll pass." Alexei replied and ran after the others as well. Niadra watched them and sighed.
"Of course...the broodmother gets no love whatsoever. Typical. Oh well, guess I can take a break then." And then she hobbled over to a nearby pond and sat down on her belly. As the cold water began to touch her body, she sighed. "Oh, that feels good. Oh yes. Oh, my poor cloaca..." As far as Niadra was concerned, she couldn't care less about her current brood. And she sure as hell wouldn't start making a new one right away. All she wanted to do was to sit inside this pond and cool off her cloaca. And then maybe-
"Huh?" Niadra muttered when she heard a strange sound.
"...aulaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Even Moby raised her head when she saw how a human broke through a nearby treeline and looked around. "Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?!" Jim Raynor screamed. He spotted Moby, and then Niadra.
"Niadra, what are you doing in that pond?" he gasped.
"Cooling off." Niadra just replied. Jim shook his head in disbelief and for a moment it seemed as if he wanted to ask but then realized that nothing good would come of it.
"Have you seen my daughter? Have you seen Paula?" he demanded to know. Niadra was about to tell him when suddenly she had a brilliant idea.
"I may know where the young Paula went." she chirped.
"Really? Where? Where is she?"
"I will tell you. But first you have to help me with something." She then tilted her head to the side.
"Help you? With what?" Jim growled.
"You see, I think I got a slight biological issue that I can't fix on my own." the broodmother explained. "If you could help me with that, then I'd be more than happy to tell you where Paula went." That's when Jim sighed and shook his head in frustration.
"Fine. Let's get it over with." he growled, not knowing what he had signed up for.