Ayanna eyed him carefully, she squinted and studied the man in front of her. He was emotionless, impossible to read, his jaw was set and his eyes were focused on the wall beside her.
"Stabler," Ayanna said and tilted her head to confirm if the man had heard her in the first place.
Silence.
"I said you're going undercover," she repeated herself.
Elliot still didn't move.
"It's with Albanians, they're ruthless. I think we have an opening, and we could take down their syndicate," Ayanna continued talking, she was slowly getting concerned about Elliot and his lack of response.
"How long for?" Elliot finally asked. He lifted his head, his icy blue eyes staring at her.
"No way to know for sure," Ayanna replied, curious how Stabler didn't seem concerned about any danger or what the job entitles. That seemed strange.
"You have an estimate – weeks, months, years," Elliot continued, his face was still stern and unreadable. He looked serious and for a second Ayanna thought if she should be afraid of him, but she buried that thought immediately. Stabler wouldn't hurt her.
"Months probably," Ayanna replied.
Elliot fell silent. He shifted from one leg to another and in the end leaned against the wall. He sighed and closed his eyes. He ran his palm over his face, winced and turned to his CO.
"Can I tell my kids?" Elliot asked.
"You can tell you're going undercover, but you know details have to remain confidential," Ayanna said calmly. "The less people know about it, the better. I'm including a small circle of trusted people, but I am intending to keep your identity just between me and Jet," Ayanna continued. She was keen on letting as little people as possible know what Elliot was up to in light of their recent discovery of a mole inside her circle, she didn't want to take any chances.
"What about her?" he continued, his eyes were now piercing and going through Ayanna. She squinted, who was Stabler talking about? It couldn't have been Angela, could it? She got a sense she could've mean something to Stabler, and he definitely meant a lot to her.
"Angela?" Ayanna asked, but felt dumb the second the word left her mouth and Stabler's eyes widened. Of course, he wasn't talking about the woman responsible for his wife's death.
"Liv," he said quietly and looked down. "I need to tell her," he added, his tone was firm as if he had made up his mind and no matter what Ayanna would say, he'd do it anyway. She thought that might be the case. She wondered briefly if that's how they were as partners? Did they ignore their CO for each other? She wondered how many times had they ignored everything else for each other and faced angry CO as a result? Suddenly Ayanna was glad she wasn't tasked with managing Stabler and Benson.
"I don't see why SVU has to be read in," Ayanna said, slightly confused, but also fishing.
Elliot chuckled.
"SVU doesn't need to be read in, just Liv," Elliot clarified, his face was still unreadable. He set his jaw again.
Ayanna looked at the man, the big bulk of muscles he hid under his tailored shirt. Could it be that he and his former partner, now a Captain with SVU, were more than just old partners? She had heard whispers about their time together at Manhattan SVU, she'd heard them resurface after Elliot joined OC taskforce. She'd seen the two of them together… Could it be?
"It's not like that," Elliot said as if he'd been reading her mind. "Me and Olivia, we are not…" Elliot stammered, a bit uncertain. He seemed to have some trouble to put a word to what he and Liv were or were not. "We're not involved," he said finally, but if Ayanna listened hard enough, he was saying that he and Liv were not involved yet.
"Your personal life is none of my concern," Ayanna said professionally, but whereas it was true. Stabler's personal life wasn't her concern, she was still curious about the woman who'd take him home.
Elliot rubbed his forehead and winced, he was going to give her more of an explanation either way and Ayanna couldn't be opposed to that.
"I left without a word," Elliot admitted, he had an old pained and tortured look in his face, when he began to explain. "I wanted to call her and say that I'm retiring, but I knew if I heard her voice or even worse saw her – I couldn't walk away. I would've done anything to stay there, to keep fighting alongside her, but I had to. It was time to leave. I never called, I didn't tell Olivia I was leaving," he spoke heavily. There was regret in his voice, Ayanna could tell how much it still hurt him a decade later. Benson must've meant a lot to him then and by the looks of it, she still did. Oh, what a mess.
"She was angry and I don't blame her," Elliot admitted, then a small smile appeared on his face. "But we're better now. We spent time together at the wedding, we're talking, I think she's starting to trust me again," he spoke with profound memories of Fin's non-wedding night, where he shared a drink with Olivia and later a sneaky dance before walking her to the car.
His face grew serious. "I can't disappear again and shatter all the trust she has in me," he said seriously, like he was in a negotiation, but he wasn't really negotiating. "I don't think we'd survive it," he whispered to himself.
Ayanna was silent.
"Liv needs to know that I'd never leave her again. She needs to know that I am staying," he continued with all of the seriousness. He winced again and let out a heavy breath. "She needs to know I'm gonna come back to her and I'm only leaving because I have to," he said.
Ayanna smirked. "All right, you can tell your girlfriend where you're going," she said teasingly, she didn't mind having SVU or just Liv read in. Albanians are also known for their sex trafficking, so there might come a time, where Ayanna would need to involve SVU anyway. Obviously with Stabler in the squad there would be no other option than Liv and her squad, so it might actually be a good thing to keep her in the loop. And of course, she might need Liv's help with Stabler, should things go wrong. And it they went very wrong, Liv would be the one to do whatever needed to get him back.
"She's not my…" Elliot started to protest, but then stopped, when he realized that Ayana was just teasing him. "Don't say that to her, she wouldn't like it," he added quietly with the tiniest of smiles at the thought of Olivia as his girlfriend.
"Wasn't planning to," Ayanna said calmly, smirk still on her lips.
Elliot looked relieved for a moment, then took out his phone and stared at it.
"I'll go ahead and call Liv first and then we can discuss the rest of it," Elliot said decisively. He moved his finger on the screen until he stopped and held it with slight fright.
"I'll give you a second," Ayanna decided. Elliot nodded, but didn't look up from his phone. "I'll be in my office," she added as she walked away.
It was only then that Ayanna remembered he hadn't told Elliot anything about his undercover persona or his job, she didn't even talk about how dangerous it'll be. The only thing on his mind seemed to be Captain Olivia Benson. Ayanna was no fool, she could see the smile on his face whenever she was around and the sudden calmness in his features. She could see how much they meant to each other even after 10 years apart.
The second thing Ayanna found even more impressive was that even though Stabler was a big man, a scary looking man with his muscles bulging through his clothes, fists always ready for a fight and vengeance on his mind. It was believed that he had nothing to lose, but Ayanna had realized rather early on that he had everything to lose and to him everything was Olivia Benson. The same woman, who seemed to hold the key to everything he was, and he in return held the key to her.
She turned around and saw Elliot lean against the wall with the phone by his ears. He looked suddenly small, a bit scared even. Ayanna smirked. It was always about a woman. And it will probably take strong willed and powerful woman like Captain Benson to tame equally strong willed and stubborn man like Stabler. He smiled to the phone, a genuine happy smile. Ayanna realized she was happy for him too.
Ayanna smiled. She shook her head at the thought of Angela Wheatley. She had nothing compared to Olivia Benson. And then Ayanna cursed herself for thinking that even for a second Elliot could be thinking about anyone else but Liv. It was obvious by the way he lit up while talking to her. It was always going to be about her. Olivia.