"Last time, our first challenge ended with a bang! Dakota blew up my original mansion, but I was able to get some payback in court. That meant that the Dakotazoid was the first to ride the porcelain throne. Aw man, I didn't even get to use the elephant tranquilizers. Don't worry, though. I've got quite the day planned for our intrepid campers on the next episode of
TOTAL
DRAMA
SEND-OFF!"
The camera cut to the Muskrats, who were enjoying a professionally-prepared meal in the spa hotel. Those who had been on All-Stars were prepared for the level of comfort. Everybody else found it hard to believe that such a delight existed in the Total Drama universe. Harold was trying to feed Leshawna grapes in a seductive way, but because it was Harold, the effort was failing and it looked silly. Noah was reading an old psychology text that he'd found in the stocked library. He wanted to gain an insight into his competition by any means necessary.
Courtney was asking Izzy questions about James. The CIT knew or knew of everybody else on the show, but this was a wildcard. Courtney did not like wildcards. Take her relationship with Duncan. She let too many things interfere, and when he wouldn't even put in any effort to improve himself, she knew he just wasn't the one.
"So, you either don't know or you won't tell me. Which one is it?"
"Why would you want to know his shoe size? I don't see how that could help you in a challenge. Unless it was a Cinderella challenge like in TDA, but I don't think Chris would reuse that one." Izzy prattled.
Confessional
Courtney: Duncan wore a men's 8. Yes, the correlation is true.
End of Confessional
Courtney grew frustrated and walked away from the hose beast. She saw Alejandro and Lightning talking, and because she had no other options, she decided to join them. Lightning's plate was loaded with breakfast meats (his love of protein had only grown stronger) and Alejandro's avoided carbs entirely. She filed these little tidbits away for later. You never truly knew when info like that could come in handy.
Alejandro hailed her. "Ah, Courtney! Please chica, have a seat! We're always grateful to have a pretty lady sit with us."
He looked over at Lightning before continuing, "I believe my compatriot here has a question for you."
Lightning reluctantly asked, "What's the deal with creepy girl?"
"Creepy girl? There are at least three of those on the island, and one of them is my friend."
"Dawn. She gave the sha-Lightning a look yesterday and said my aura looked orange. The hell does that mean?"
Courtney pondered the question. She shook her head, bewildered. Noah had overheard the conversation and wandered over. "Sha-genius, it's a compliment. Orange is a good color for auras and the fact that she's talking to you at all is impressive."
Alejandro saw a potential conflict brewing and tried to calm the situation down. "Amigos, now is not the time. We must stick together and crush the Wombats as one, or we will all be eliminated individually."
Confessional
Alejandro: This might be my hardest challenge yet. Only two of my teammates are worth anything, and one's a dumb jock and the other is an egotistically challenged CIT. I must preserve order for now regardless.
Noah: I don't trust the guy, but when you have multiple people on your team who can literally throw you, you don't get many options. *sighs*
End of Confessional
The Wombats were chowing down on Chef's finest gruel in the Mess Hall. Geoff was joking around with Gwen, James was sitting with Heather at a table, and Brick, Zoey, and Dawn were discussing a complicated matter.
"I'm telling you, Lisa was the moral conscience of the show. She was the best character for her pure heart. People disliked her because she didn't have as many catchphrases, but Lisa spoke to me."
Zoey laughed. "Dawn, of course you would think that. My favorite was always Comic Book Guy. I love how they exaggerated his personality. I mean, nobody's that big of a nerd in real life, right?"
"You don't have to project." Dawn murmured.
Brick didn't hear that because he was too deep in thought. "I liked Mrs. Krabappel. She reminded me a lot of my favorite teacher, so it was a natural choice."
Gwen and Geoff paused their conversation to join in as well. Gwen found Krusty's dark antics hilarious, while Geoff vibed with Duff-Man the most because that dude could PARTY.
Dawn noticed a pattern. Each person's choice reflected an element of their personality. She knew better than to expose which part that was publicly, but she liked the exercise. It was semi-therapy, in a way.
Geoff turned to the newcomer. "James, bra, who was your favorite character on the Simpsons?" His pointed exclusion of Heather hung heavily in the air.
James puzzled for a few seconds, before throwing up his hands. "I've never actually seen the show. My family wasn't a big cartoon family, ya know. What about you, Heather?"
The others went berserk.
"Bra, how have you not seen it?"
"Not even one episode?"
"James, there is no way you haven't seen the biggest cultural phenomenon of the last thirty years. They even showed it to us at Basic."
Dawn reflected on his silence. He wasn't lying, but he wasn't telling the whole truth, either. This was a new piece of the puzzle but it would require some more digging.
After they had gotten their shock out of their systems, they looked expectantly towards Heather. Most assumed she'd choose someone like Nelson Muntz or Mr. Burns. Instead, she said, "My favorite character was Moe. I loved the phone calls he'd have with Bart."
Gwen looked for a way she could turn this against her rival, before deciding that it wasn't worth it. She smiled. "I actually took some of the jokes Bart used with Moe and tried to call people in my town. It didn't work and my mom ended up putting me in timeout."
Heather laughed. "I did the same thing! I called the local library and asked for Amanda Huginkiss, and then they called my parents and told them what I said."
Geoff guffawed. "No way! Your folks must have laid the hammer down!"
"They did, but it was so worth it."
Chris's voice boomed over the loudspeakers. "Campers, meet in front of the spa hotel in 5 minutes. We're going to have some fun today!"
The moment ended as quickly as it began. The battle lines were redrawn. The Wombats made their way to the immaculately trimmed courtyard in front of the spa hotel. Seeing what they could have won in the last challenge only strengthened their resolve.
Chris made sure that the camera was framed properly before starting his monologue. "You may have noticed yesterday that the island is a little more dangerous. Going forward, every challenge will have an element of real danger about it. Think of it as my going-away present to all of you. Each challenge will also link back to one of our campers in some way. Yesterday was Brick's challenge because of the military ordinance. Oh yeah, by the way, because this is the last real season for all of you, the network increased the prize as well. Now, the winner of
TOTAL
DRAMA
SEND-OFF
will earn a $5 million dollar prize!" With a snap of his fingers, a pick up truck drove up behind him. The entire bed was covered in cash.
The teens had never seen so much money in person in their lives. Any problems they had with almost dying were erased. Money solves everything.
"We were able to recreate the spa hotel from All-Stars, and as Chef previously said, the winning team will enjoy a stay there nightly. There will be no reward challenges. A camper will go home every night, whether they want to or not. Keeps the show moving."
The CIT spoke up. "Chris, that's unfair. You're pushing us harder than ever in situations that are dangerous, even for you. My lawyers will be hearing about this and-"
"What part of $5 million did you not hear?" Chris snapped. "God, this generation."
Once the lust for the literal truck-full of cash had worn off, Noah snapped out of the funk and asked the question on everyone's mind. "How are you torturing us for ratings today, oh great host of ours?"
"Thanks Noah, I appreciate the kind words. Jerkass. Today, you're all going to be taking a page out of Geoff's book and seeing how calm you can stay in a difficult situation. Here, everyone put these on." He tossed the campers little black boxes that were hinged in the middle. "These are finger heart rate monitors. We're gonna take your resting heart rate now and after the challenges are over. Whoever has a heart rate at the end closest to theirs at the beginning wins for their team.
And there is no way in hell you're gonna be able to stay calm."
Noah, deciding he was on a roll, kept up his banter. "Dude, we literally survived a minefield yesterday. This can't get much-"
Harold karate chopped Noah in the throat to keep him from finishing. "Don't finish that sentence, GOSH. You know Chris thrives on comedic timing."
Chris's fake smile was replaced by one that looked genuine, because it was. Terrorizing these wannabes was his greatest joy in life. "Oh hohohoho, this is perfect. One, you were all frozen in place yesterday, and two, it can get worse. A LOT worse.
Campers will endure two challenges. The first is a simple roller coaster ride. Who doesn't love roller coasters? After completing the ride, you will then transition to the Boney Island Fun Zone, patent pending. Wait for instructions there. Any questions?" Noah and Zoey raised their hands but Chris deliberately ignored them. "Alright, now I'll give you a minute to take your resting heart rate. I'll be back."
Courtney had been thinking during Chris's instructions and had the perfect idea. She dragged Alejandro and Lightning away from the general group of campers milling about and gave them a pitch. "Jog in place or do something physical for thirty seconds, then record your heart rate. That way, after whatever Chris puts us through, it still looks low."
Alejandro whistled in appreciation. "That's a great idea, chica. Why didn't we think of that earlier? Lightning, I bet I can do more pushups in 30 seconds than you."
"You're going sha-down!"
With the two boys cranking out pushups, Courtney jogged in place. After raising their heart rates, the teens measured them and had numbers that were significantly higher than everyone else's.
Zoey's eyes narrowed when she heard their results. Something didn't seem right. The Muskrats had resting heart rates of 90? Lightning was a top athlete and Alejandro treated his body like a temple. It was improbable that they had never done cardio. She'd have to keep an eye on them.
Geoff was stoked, on the other hand. A challenge all about chilling out? Please. Geoff was the calmest dude anybody had ever met. Chris was wrong. This challenge was the Wombats' to lose.
Chef walked into the courtyard. "Chris said I am to take all of you to the roller coaster. Follow me maggots, double time. I ain't got all damn day."
Zoey called to her team, "Walk slowly. Keep that heart rate as low as possible." They nodded. Their plan had the added benefit of pissing Chef off to no end, making the journey slightly more perilous.
After a thirty minute walk, the campers arrived at their destination. Harold looked over at Noah reproachfully. "You had to say something, didn't you?"
The roller coaster would have failed every safety standard in the world. There were three carts which could seat two people per cart. The carts had no safety restraints on them whatsoever, and the track the carts would follow wasn't much safer. From where they stood, the campers could see the carts going up at least 100 meters in the air before an immediate drop. Fifty meters below the peak, the track corkscrewed sharply to the right. That turn was over a body of water, luckily enough, but due to the Coriolis effect, if a camper flew off they probably would land in the junkyard just to the right of the body of water. After the corkscrew was another sharp climb and even sharper drop. Making matters worse, the track as a whole looked shoddily built. Wood planks were mixed in with plexiglass boards, and even some sheets of metal for good measure. There were irregular cut pieces, nails jutting out, and was that… yup, there was even an oil slick on the corkscrew.
Confessional
Gwen: We're fucked.
Geoff: Dudes, I don't want to panic, but this doesn't look as cool as I thought it would be.
Izzy (with a single tear streaking down her right cheek): This might be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
End of Confessional
After his stunt in the minefield yesterday, the other campers looked towards James to see if he had any reserves of courage left. Even though he was visibly pale, he knew what was expected of him. "Guess I'm sitting in the first row, huh?", he asked rhetorically.
Izzy leapt up and down. "Me too! ME TOO First row is the only way to go."
Chris grinned and looked toward the crowd. "Two down, four to go on the maiden voyage. Who else? If you don't ride, there will be a penalty for your team on the challenge."
Gwen sighed and bit the bullet as well. Seeing a potential opportunity, Heather volunteered to ride with Gwen. The Muskrats consulted with each other before deciding that Leshawna and Noah could balance out the last car, so those two went as well.
The campers walked to the cars looking more like prisoners walking on Death Row than people getting on a roller coaster. After getting seated next to Izzy in the front car, James focused on breathing exercises. He'd be one of the first to fall off if anything happened, so he needed to be in the moment constantly.
Heather tried to strike up a conversation in the car behind them. "Listen, Gwen, I know we haven't been friends, but I have something I've wanted to say for a while-"
"Save it. You're gone as soon as I get the chance. You're not changing my mind." She adjusted her seat, accidentally kicking James in the back while doing so.
Heather, visibly deflated, dropped it. Sadness briefly flashed across her face before being replaced with her signature blend of annoyance and anger.
Noah couldn't think of a sarcastic remark to save his life. Leshawna saw the little schemer's nerves, and tried to reassure him. "Listen sugar, Chris talks a big game, but there's no way he'd actually let us die. You'll be fine."
He was grateful for the advice, which was promptly contradicted by Chris. "If you lose contact with the coaster at any time, you will be eliminated from the challenge. You might wanna hang on for dear life."
Chef took his place at the control center. Flipping a switch, he yelled to the riders to "Enjoy the ride, it might be yo' last" with a toothy grin that made nobody feel better.
The carts began their diagonal ascent. James projected a devil-may-care look that was undercut by how green he looked. Izzy was having the time of her life. Heather was still trying to talk to Gwen, while Gwen was resolutely ignoring her. Noah was hyperventilating and Leshawna was trying to remember how to do CPR.
In an agonizingly slow fashion, the carts reached the peak. They hung there for a second, waiting for momentum to carry them
Down.
The descent was madness. It took every ounce of strength for the campers to hold on to the cars, and all were screaming. Izzy out of joy, the others out of mortal fear. The speeds the carts were reaching caused the campers' faces to become stretched. The G-forces they were reaching were usually only seen by fighter pilots. James and Noah were in a special kind of pain as it felt like their balls were actively trying to push up through their stomachs and out their mouths.
The rapid fall was cut short by the corkscrew to the right. The carts turned quickly, and the riders on the right side braced for the pain. Gwen didn't brace quickly enough and started to fall out of her seat.
She hung over the side looking down as they passed the body of water. If she fell now, she'd land in the junkyard and hit god knows what. The cars hit the oil slick and tipped slightly, and Gwen lost contact with the car. She was in free fall
until she wasn't. A hand grabbed on to hers. Heather. She was splayed over the two cars, barely hanging on to the car herself. Any quick movements and they were both out.
Straining to make her voice heard, she called out "James, please, help me here."
James fought the intense G-forces just to get a look back and saw the situation. If it was possible, he got even paler. He went to reach out before the carts finished the corkscrew and started heading uphill again. Gwen swung like a pendulum until she was hanging backwards off the cart. Heather looked over to Leshawna instead, and even though the sister hated Heather with every fiber in her body, she couldn't let her girl hang there. Leshawna helped pull Gwen back into the cart just in time for the second descent. The carts rocketed downwards before braking suddenly. The whiplash was enough to knock Noah out. The others stumbled out. Even Izzy looked slightly delirious, despite her claims that she wanted to go again.
James forced himself to stand upright before saying with a straight face, "That wasn't that bad. I can do that all day." His legs were shaking too much for anyone to take his false bravado seriously.
Leshawna walked by. "Don't front like that, hot stuff. It's not a big deal to admit that you couldn't deal with a situation."
Gwen, after vomiting, turned to Heather. "This doesn't change anything, but thanks. I'm glad you could put the team before your hatred of me."
Heather looked down. "Actually, that's something I wanted to talk to you about. Kinda have something I need to get off my chest, you know?"
This piqued Gwen's interest momentarily. "If we win, we can talk about it. Otherwise, drop it."
"Deal, Gwe-uh, weird goth girl."
Chris walked over, looking thrilled with the results. "DUDES, you have no idea how awesome that was! Gwen, you almost dying is gonna be huge! Fan favorite Gwen saved by the most hated person on television-"
"Even more than Scrappy-Doo?" Brick asked, astonished.
"Even more than Scrappy-Doo. And Heather, it's by a wide margin too. People HATE you, bra. That was part one. Campers who rode the coaster, wait five minutes and then take your heart rate. No point in lying, because we can track the results. Every other camper, come with me for part 2 of the most intense relaxation challenge ever."
The campers who had ridden the coaster looked guiltily at their departing teammates. Harold's overactive imagination was already painting a picture of medieval torture devices, mutated animals, and ninjas, all just waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting teens. The divisions that had created teams dissolved. Right now, it was simply who would and who wouldn't survive. Chris had them get on a shuttle blindfolded, which he claimed was just to amplify the surprise.
Chris led them to the darkest part of the forest. Conservatively, it was around 20 kilometers from the roller coaster.
"Uh, Chris, if you're gonna kill us, can you at least do it on the beach?" Courtney asked nervously.
The host scoffed. "Relax, I'm not going to kill you. The island might, but I won't. Thiiiiis is the Fun Zone, patent pending. There are barriers set up at the edges of this neck of the woods. Cross them, escaping the zone, and you are eliminated. In twelve hours, I'll be back and we'll measure the heart rate of whoever's left."
Confessional
Chris: This might be my favorite challenge of the season. The kids have no idea. It's an old trick the US used during the Vietnam War. Add in some spooky noises and the Boney Island nightlife, and the isolation is gonna make em crazy. I can't WAIT!
End of Confessional
The remaining campers began to settle in for a long night. Chris hopped back on the shuttle and drove back to the spa hotel in order to film the conclusion. The less time he had to be around the creepy-ass forest, the better.
"We have one challenge down and one more to go in the most heart-pounding heart-rate based challenge ever. Will the campers survive the night? Will Gwen finally hear Heather out? Will Leshawna and her man be reunited? Some of these questions might be answered next time on
TOTAL
DRAMA
SEND-OFF!"
The others who had ridden the roller coaster were asleep. Chris and Chef had buggered off to their private island. The other 8 campers were in the Fun Zone. Izzy knew that the name had to be ironic because she knew Chris's personality.
All her eccentric actions covered a true intelligence that very few people saw. Even the other campers, who had gotten to know her over three years, still rarely recognized the true Izzy. Only her childhood friend knew the true Izzy, and he loved her platonically for it. She had thought Owen saw the real her too, but she was wrong. That made her sad, but c'est la vie. Everybody else treated her like some sort of freak, which to an extent she was. She had noticed that Dawn was essentially treated the same because she had the ability to see auras.
The two girls had more in common than what could be seen on the surface. Both were able to see an element of the future. Dawn through her mystical skills, Izzy through simple pattern recognition, psychology, and guesswork. Izzy laid awake on this night, this darkest of nights, because she saw what nobody else could.
Someone was going to be hurt soon. Someone was going to be hurt very badly.
The worst part was, in some way, Izzy was to blame.