The next morning, Beca strolled across the foyer letting the hot Greek sun warm her skin. Last night had definitely not gone to plan, not that kissing Chloe had been planned at all. Hell, Beca would have been happy to just reconnect with Chloe, be her friend again. But now Chloe had kissed her… and not just a peck on the lips, Chloe was really into it or so it had seemed in the moment. And then, Chloe had a panic attack and passed out in the middle of the foyer. She had come around again almost immediately and Aubrey had helped her back to the hotel, a silent conversation with Beca telling her that it was better for Chloe if she left her to it.
But now it was the next day, the day of the wedding, and Beca had to talk to Chloe about what had happened. Not just because they had a wedding and a reception to get through, but because she was leaving early morning the very next day and she didn't want to leave the island, leave Chloe without having talked about this.
As she reached the balcony at the edge of the foyer that would host the wedding reception tonight, a fond smile crossed Beca's face. Chloe's hair had been hastily thrown into a loose ponytail, several strands of hair already falling from it and her brow was furrowed in deep concentration as her tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth, straightening a tablecloth. She was wearing a blue dress that somehow made her even more stunning than usual, highlighting the blue of her eyes as well as the red in her hair.
Beca felt her breath catch in her throat as she watched Chloe for a moment, her heart fluttering in the same way it had always done when she looked at her. Dammit… why couldn't she have just moved on from Chloe by now? Or better yet, why hadn't she just stayed in L.A.? But as Beca looked at Chloe she knew the answer to both those questions was the same: Beca was still hopelessly in love with Chloe. She had come over here to tell Chloe that it was just one drunken kiss, that they didn't have to make a big deal out of it but now… Beca wanted Chloe back. She should never have left her here. Beca should have stayed, screw her career, she should have stayed and run this place with Chloe. She would have been happy here… they would have been happy here.
Chloe felt a gaze burning into her and lifted her head, eyes finding the stormy blue pair that had been in her dreams for longer than she cared to admit. A blush spread across her cheeks as she looked away again, intently staring at the plates in front of her as last nights events flashed in her mind again. She knew Beca would want to talk about it, knew that they had to talk about this, but now was not the time. She had too much to do today.
"Hey. You feeling better?" Beca asked, smiling softly as she approached Chloe, hands in the back pocket of her shorts as she did.
"Yeah. Thanks." Chloe smiled quickly as she glanced up from the table, "Hey, can we make sure those lights are hung evenly please, and for the eighth time, can we get the meat out of the heat?!" Chloe's attention had turned back to the wedding prep, shooing a young man attempting to carry an admittedly delicious looking chicken outside back indoors.
Beca chuckled a little, "Aubrey Posen really rubbed off on you huh?"
Chloe rolled her eyes, unable to help the smile that crept onto her lips but quickly shook it off, "What is it Beca? Do you need something, because I'm kinda swamped?"
Beca swallowed a little, running her hand through her hair, "Last night…"
"Not now." Chloe cut her off with a shake of her head, "I have a wedding and a reception to get ready for, I don't have time for this today."
"We need to talk about this Chlo." Beca sighed softly.
"No. No we don't." Chloe looked at Beca, a sharp edge to her voice as Beca frowned softly, "You are going back to your career, and your big house, and your fiancée tomorrow." Beca opened her mouth in shock, Chloe cutting in again before she had time to respond, "Yeah, I know. Even out here we get gossip magazines, she's cute. I'm sure you'll be very happy."
Chloe stalked away quickly, a lump in her throat and Beca hot on her tail.
"Chloe-"
"No Beca!" Chloe spun on her heel, eyes sparkling with emotion as Beca almost ran straight into her, "No, okay! Last night was a mistake, I was drunk, I shouldn't have done it. That's the end of it. Just… just go back to L.A. Becs, go be the amazing artist and music producer I know you are, and let me go already. Please."
Beca sighed, shaking her head softly. Chloe wasn't listening to her when she talked. She had this idea in her head of Beca, and what Beca was now. Maybe there was another way to do this, one that Chloe had never been able to ignore. She felt like a dumbass, especially in front of all these people she didn't know, but she needed Chloe to hear her. Because Beca wasn't going to let her go again without a proper fight.
"Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find… I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind. Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood… it used to be so nice, it used to be so good." Beca's singing made Chloe's back stiffen but she didn't turn around, busying herself with scurrying around the kitchen. Beca shook her head, leaning against the doorframe and going for one more try.
"So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me? S. O. S! The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S. O. S! When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone, though I try how can I carry on?" Beca had never sung with this much desperation in her life. It was an old song, a cheesy song, but god she really didn't care. She just needed Chloe to hear her.
Chloe said nothing, did nothing, no reaction at all that Beca could see. Beca sighed softly, shaking her head as she stepped away.
"Fine. We don't have to talk about it now. But I am not leaving this island until we do Chlo. I'm gonna go and help them string up the lights, you don't have to do this on your own y'know?"
Chloe sniffed softly as she heard Beca walk away, wiping her cheek on her shoulder as she felt the eyes of the kitchen staff on her, a collective look of concern aimed in her direction. She shook her head at them with a sad soft smile, turning to where Beca had once been in the doorway, able to see her shadow cast across the foyer.
"You seem so far away, though you are standing near… you made me feel alive, but something died I fear. I really tried to make it out, I wish I understood… what happened to our love, it used to be so good…"
Chloe leant in the doorway as she sang softly to herself. She had been replaying that kiss over and over in her mind since she had sobered up, she had talked it over with Aubrey, and even now Chloe couldn't shake how right it had felt. It was insane that after fifteen years since she still felt this intensely about Beca, even after she had broken her heart like she had. Beca was indeed helping to string up the lights, balanced on a step ladder with her tongue sticking out, sunglasses pushing her hair out of her eyes as they sat on her head. Chloe felt a pang at how natural and domestic it felt to have Beca working like this at her hotel. Because yes, Beca absolutely should have gone back to the States, should have focused on her career, it was the right thing to do. But Chloe should have found a way to make both their dreams work and keep Beca in her life. She should never have let Beca go. But now was simply not the time to dwell on what could have been, Chloe had too much to do, too much to worry about, so much… who was she kidding? Beca was all she had thought about for fifteen years.
"So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me? S. O. S! The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S. O. S! When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone, though I try how can I carry on?"
Chloe shook her head, knowing that Beca couldn't hear her. This was supposed to have been an easy weekend, a weekend that she celebrated Emily's wedding and her getting into college, not a weekend where she addressed her complicated feelings for her ex-girlfriend who had suddenly turned up in her life after a fifteen year absence. Beca never had the best timing, but this was perhaps the worst timing of all. And still Chloe could feel herself ready to put everything on hold to figure out what this thing with Beca was… what it still was.
"So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me? S. O. S! (S.O.S!) And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S. O. S!"
Beca and Chloe didn't realise it but they were now singing quietly in unison. Singing had always been their way of clearing their heads, sorting out their feelings, making sense of all the mess that was going on. Chloe had gone back to helping in the kitchen, Beca was helping to make the foyer look as beautiful as possible for the reception, they weren't even looking at each other and yet they were so perfectly in sync with one another, in the same way they had been since the day they'd met.
Beca sighed heavily as she got down from the ladder, straightening the edge of the tablecloth before rolling her eyes at herself; Chloe wasn't the only person it would seem that Aubrey had rubbed off on. Maybe she should talk to Aubrey, she always knew what to do, and she certainly knew how to get through to Chloe. Stepping back, realising that she was getting in the way more than she was helping, Beca leant against the wall of the hotel, hands in her pockets again. Why had she let things with Chloe get so complicated? She should have never left her. She should not have spent four years pretending she didn't feel this way, and she certainly shouldn't have spent fifteen years everywhere but here, fighting for what they had instead of hiding from her behaviour and hiding from Chloe.
"When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone (when you're gone) Though I try, how can I carry on? (How can I carry on?)"
Little did she know that Chloe was leaning just behind her on the opposite side of the wall, having her own crisis of faith in her ability to think coherently. Beca always had a way of completely turning Chloe's world on its head. Look at Barden, Chloe had a really specific idea of what college life was going to be like, what the Barden Bellas was going to be like, and then in had walked this alt girl with her smirks and her eye rolls and her tattoos and her insanely good voice, and her world was changed forever. Why had she let Beca go like that? She hated it, but everything made so much more sense when Beca was around. Even when her feelings for Beca were confusing, everything fell into place when she looked into her stormy eyes, it brought a serenity to her that nothing else, not even the gorgeous Greek landscape and the calm lapping of the waves on the sand could bring her.
"When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone (when you're gone), though I try, how can I carry on? (How can I carry on)"
Unbeknownst to the other, Beca and Chloe sighed in unison, running their hand through their hair and then going back to their tasks. They had to talk about this before Beca left, they knew they did… just not now.
Meanwhile on the beach, free of any kind of relationship drama, the Bellas were enjoying the sunny summer Greek weather, sunbathing, swimming, laughing and drinking their day away. Sure, there was a wedding to prepare for that afternoon, but they had plenty of time for that yet. Now was the time to enjoy a very rare holiday all together.
"I could get used to this y'know?" Amy raised her eyebrow, laid back on a sunbed with a very large cocktail in her hand, "The sun, the sand, the sea… the men… you guys have it made."
She pointed to Jessica and Ashley who laughed, Jessica's arms wrapped loosely around her wife's waist, "I won't lie, it is pretty great living out here." She giggled.
"Although the men don't really factor into that…" Ashley mused, earning herself an eyeroll and an affectionate kiss on the cheek from Jessica.
"We are definitely coming to visit more." Flo sighed happily, helping to apply another layer of sun cream to Lilly's back, "This is paradise."
"And y'know, because Chloe here's too." Cynthia-Rose raised her eyebrow as she started to dry herself off, "Bella reunions haven't been the same without her."
"Tell me about it." Stacie was stretched out on a beach towel, sunglasses balanced on the end of her nose as her face creased into a concerned frown, "She won't say it but she needs help… her hotel is gorgeous but she's struggling and we're all in position to put to a little a bit to, y'know help her pay a few bills here and there. Shortstack more than most of us, where is she anyway?"
Aubrey just shook her head a little, indicating to Stacie to leave that one where it was. She knew that the likelihood was that Beca was talking (or trying to talk at least) to Chloe about last night.
"Stacie makes a good point. Chloe has always been… stubborn." Aubrey smiled affectionately as the Bellas held back a collective snort at the irony of Aubrey Posen of all people calling someone stubborn, "She won't ever ask for it. So we give it, and we don't take no for an answer. Okay?"
The Bellas all murmured in agreement, smiling warmly. Before any more plans could be made, a tall, muscular eighteen year old boy approached them, dark hair slicked back from the sea water, a lopsided grin on his face. Stacie rolled her eyes as she propped herself up on her elbows, eyebrow arched as he stood in front of her. Aubrey felt herself stiffen, swallowing the lump in her throat and the pang of jealousy as she shook her head and got up to go to the bar.
"Can I help you?" Stacie asked, the Bellas sharing an amused look. Stacie had always been the centre of attention from men and women alike, and watching her put down their advances was always way more fun than watching her encourage them.
"I think it's more a question of whether I can help you." He grinned, running a hand through his hair.
"Jesse, sweetie, we had this conversation last night." Stacie sighed, getting to her feet easily and towering over the boy who smirked at her still, "You are a child, a little flirting after I've had a half dozen cocktails does not mean anything."
"Oh c'mon gorgeous." Jesse grinned as Stacie turned on her heel and started to walk away from him, hot on her heels, "You can't deny there was a spark between us last night!"
"Oh I really can." Stacie turned to Jesse again, eyebrow raised, smirk tugging at her lips, "Go home little boy."
"C'mon Stacie…" Jesse took her hand, pulling her sharply against him, other hand resting on her hip, "We'd be so good together."
Stacie snorted, resting her hand on his chest. Aubrey rolled her eyes as she sat with a cocktail in hand at the bar. Drinking before noon was not normally something she participated in or encouraged, but right now she was on holiday and she needed it. Why it bothered her so much that Stacie was flirting with him she had no idea (okay she did, but she was denying it), but she really wished that she would stop. There was no time for this today.
"Honey, I'm going to say this once and then you're going to walk away." Stacie shook her head, "You're a child. I am, and I hate to admit it, over a decade older than you. I could be your mother. So go find a more age appropriate leg to hump." She pushed him off her, the Bellas and his friends all watching in amusement.
"What, you don't think I could find a MILF like you insanely hot?" Jesse pushed, hand running through his hair again as he looked her up and down in an incredibly unsubtle way.
Stacie's eyebrows shot into her hairline as she shook her head. She smirked almost dangerously, looking to the Bellas for a moment for a moment before deciding on her plan of action.
"You're so hot, teasing me. So you're blue but I can't take a chance on a kid like you… it's something I couldn't do." Stacie's hand rested on the back of Jesse's neck as she sang, a giddy grin on his face as her hips swayed in time to the music the Bellas were now providing her with. What else were sisters for?
"There's that look in your eyes, I can read in your face That your feelings are driving you wild… oh, but boy you're only a child!" Stacie moved behind Jesse, hand still on his neck as she slid it seductively along his collarbone, smirking at the blush the spread across his cheeks.
"Well I can dance with you, honey, if you think it's funny, does your mother know that you're out? And I can chat with you baby, flirt a little maybe, does your mother know that you're out?" Stacie slid her other hand over Jesse's abdomen, soft touches tracing the definition as he grew redder.
"Take it easy…" Stacie suddenly pulled him sharply against her, teeth teasing his earlobe.
"Take it easy!" Jesse squeaked, his friends laughing as Stacie pushed him forward, Jesse stumbling forward into the soft sand.
"Better slow down boy, that's no way to go, does your mother know? Take it easy (take it easy), try to cool it boy, play it nice and slow, does your mother know?" Stacie struck a series of seductive poses, pushing her chest out, extending her long legs, showing off every muscle and curve before winking and blowing a kiss at Jess who got back onto his feet.
"I can see what you want, but you seem pretty young to be searching for that kind of fun… so maybe I'm not the one? Now you're so cute, I like your style, and I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile, oh but boy, you're only a child!"
She stalked passed Jesse, the Bellas in tow, leaning on the bar next to Aubrey who was smirking at her. Jesse had followed them, leaning on the bar on Stacie's other side, hand on Stacie's thigh as she shook her head and slapped it hard.
"Well I can dance with you honey, if you think it's funny, does your mother know that you're out? And I can chat with you baby, flirt a little maybe, does your mother know that you're out? Stacie took Jesse's hand, twirled him and then pushed into the arms of the Bellas who were singing with her now.
"Take it easy (take it easy), better slow down boy, that's no way to go, does your mother know? Take it easy (take it easy), Try to cool it boy, play it nice and slow, does your mother know?" They were all over him, hands wandering, lips close to skin, Jesse in a full body blush as his friends whistled loudly.
"Well I can dance with you, honey if you think it's funny, does your mother know that you're out? And I can chat with you, baby flirt a little maybe, does your mother know that you're out? Well I can dance with you, honey if you think it's funny, does your mother know that you're out? And I can chat with you, baby flirt a little maybe, does your mother know that you're out?"
The Bellas laughed as Jesse pulled away, grinning as he headed back towards Stacie. She rolled her eyes, Aubrey's hand resting delicately on her arm for a second as she got to her feet, pulling Stacie with her. They stood either side of Jesse, Stacie's hand on his abs, Aubrey's hand on his bicep, both of them practically purring as they leant in close.
"Does your mother know that you're out?" Aubrey murmured in his ear, squeezing his bicep as she pressed her body against his side.
"Does your mother know that you're out?" Stacie nibbled his earlobe as Jesse cleared his throat awkwardly, it finally getting too much for him as he shook his head, still smirking but holding his hands up in defeat.
"Does your mother know? Does your mother know that you're out?!" The Bellas chased him for a moment until Jesse tripped over his own feet in front of his friends, landing face down in the sand to the laughs and cheers of everyone around him.
"C'mon ladies…" Stacie smirked, "I think the boy has learnt his lesson. Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burned."
The Bellas chuckled as they followed Stacie, cocktails in hand and more than a little bit late to start getting ready for the wedding, but totally worth it.
"That was exceptional." Aubrey murmured in her ear as they walked.
"I know." Stacie winked, "I'm glad you enjoyed the show."
Aubrey blushed a little as she rolled her eyes, smirking as they walked back to the hotel to start getting ready.
Chloe sighed again as she pushed herself of the wall, sniffing softly as she tried to get her mind off Beca and the mess that had been made since she had arrived on the island. Thankfully, a distraction came running into the kitchen at the minute in the form of a visibly distressed Emily.
"Chloe!"
"Em? What is it? Are you hurt?" Chloe frowned in concern, trying to look Emily over as she paced frantically in front of her.
"What? No, no, god I wish that would be so much easier…" Emily was chewing her lip as her pacing came to a halt, hands in her hair as her breaths grew sharper and more panicky, "I just got a call from mom, she won't be able to make it back from the mainland in time for the wedding as she's looking after my aunt, y'know the one that broke her hip? Well she's not better, nowhere near and she can't get back here and Benji's parents couldn't make it because they couldn't get the time off work back in the States and they only told them at the last minute so they're not here either and he's so upset, and I was supposed to be getting changed and ready to get married an hour ago but I cannot find Jessica and Ashley anywhere like this is not a huge island where the hell are they? And and…"
Chloe cupped Emily's face in her hands, making her frantic eyes meet her own as she smiled softly, "Emily, you need to breathe for me okay? Just take a nice, deep, slow breath for me."
Emily shook her head furiously, still breathing heavily as Chloe moved her hands onto Emily's shoulders and squeezed them tightly to ground her. Emily focused on Chloe, copying the deep, slow breaths that Chloe was producing until her shoulders sagged a little and her head rested on Chloe's shoulder. She sighed heavily as Chloe gently pulled her into her arms.
"There. Now you're breathing properly again, that's the first thing we had to fix." Chloe chuckled as she gave Emily a tight hug, "Next question, do you still want to get married today?"
"Yeah." Emily nodded as she sniffed, smiling warmly as she lifted her head up from Chloe's shoulder, "Yeah I really do… everything is going wrong and I still want to marry Benji more than anything else in the whole world… is that dumb?"
"No." Chloe shook her head, smiling warmly at Emily as she cupped her face in her hands again, "No it's not. It's love. Love makes you do things that other people may think are stupid, but make perfect sense to you. And that's all that matters. Come on. I'll help you get ready."
"Thanks Chloe." Emily grinned, "What am I going to do without you?"
"Oh you'll be fine." Chloe forced a grin on to her face, because admitting to Emily that she was wondering exactly the same thing about how she was going to manage here on her own without Emily too, "Besides, you'll have Benji and the Barden Bellas to help you out. Between me and your mom you're guaranteed a place."
Chloe winked at Emily as they walked arm and arm back to the room Emily was staying in. Chloe gently sat Emily down in front of the mirror, taking a brush in her hand and starting to comb Emily's long brown hair. Emily sighed happily still sniffing a little as she watched Chloe. This was a familiar scene; Chloe had been brushing her hair and playing dress up with her for years now, but this had a melancholy feel to it. This was her wedding day, everything would change after today… and that was amazing, it was going to be incredible once she moved to the States with her husband, but that didn't mean that Emily wasn't going to really miss her life here, wasn't going to miss Chloe.
"Will you sing to me?" Emily asked softly, smiling at Chloe through the mirror who grinned at her.
"You want me to sing to you?"
"You've been singing to me since I can remember." Emily chuckled softly, "I always feel happy and calm when you sing. Do you remember that song you sang to me when I was nine and I had that really bad fever? You sat with me all night with a cold compress on my head and singing softly… I liked that one."
"I know exactly which one you mean." Chloe tucked some of Emily's hair behind her temple before she began to sing.
"Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning. Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile… I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness and I have to sit down for a while. The feeling that I'm losing her forever, and without really entering her world. I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter, that funny little girl."
Chloe continued to brush and style Emily's hair as she sang, a lump in her throat as the lyrics hit a little harder than she realised they would. It was a song her mother used to sing to her when she was sick, and one that she had in turn sung to Emily when she was, but today, with Emily's wedding and her imminent move it pulled at her heart strings a little more.
"Slipping through my fingers all the time, I try to capture every minute… the feeling in it, slipping through my fingers all the time, do I really see what's in her mind, each time I think I'm close to knowing… she keeps on growing, slipping through my fingers all the time."
Emily grinned as Chloe pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head and whispered "beautiful" into her hair, turning Emily's chair to face her so she could start applying her make up. She gently brushed away a tear from Emily's cheek and gently tapped the end of her nose with her finger as she continued to sing to her.
"Sleep in our eyes her and me at the breakfast table, barely awake, I let precious time go by. Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling, and a sense of guilt I can't deny. What happened to the wonderful adventures? The places I had planned for us to go. Well, some of that we did but most we didn't and why, I just don't know."
Emily got up to change into her wedding dress, Chloe sitting on the edge of the bed as she played with her fingers, a soft smile on her face as she reminisced about the last fifteen years. She'd spent so much time waiting for Emily to get ready over the years, whether it was for school or for parties with her friends, or for her prom night with Benji. So many hours just… waiting. That's what Chloe's life had been. Waiting. And she'd relive it all again if it meant that she go to spend a little more time with Emily than she had left.
"Slipping through my fingers all the time I try to capture every minute… the feeling in it, slipping through my fingers all the time, do I really see what's in her mind, each time I think I'm close to knowing… she keeps on growing, slipping through my fingers all the time."
Chloe grinned as tears welled in her eyes at the sight of Emily in her wedding dress, hands covering her mouth as sniffed. She looked incredible, of course she did; but she also looked like a grown up, an honest-to-god adult in her wedding dress, ready to go to her wedding. Chloe got up and pulled Emily into her arms, the two of them wearing similar watery smiles as they looked at Emily in the mirror, singing softly together:
"Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time. Slipping through my fingers… slipping through my fingers all the time. Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning, waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile…"
Chloe watched as Emily pulled away, turning to her to give her a tight hug.
"Thank you." She mumbled, fighting furiously against the tears that were threatening to ruin her makeup, "Not just for today, for everything."
"You don't have to thank me Em." Chloe squeezed her tightly back, "You're my sister, I'd do anything for you. Now c'mon…" Chloe cleared her throat a little as she carefully dabbed at Emily's cheek, smiling warmly at her, "No tears. You're getting married in an hour, we don't need puffy eyes for that."
Emily giggled softly, nodding as the hotel room door burst open, Jessica and Ashley barrelling into the room with a rushed apology, Emily glowering at them.
"Where the hell have you been?" There was no malice in her tone, grateful that she her bridesmaids were no longer MIA.
"We are so sorry!" Jessica ran a hand through her hair, "We were at the beach and Stacie was putting this kid in his place, there was a song… Chloe knows how we get when we're all together and someone breaks into song!"
Chloe simply rolled her eyes at them as Emily shook her head with a laugh, "It's fine. You're here now, and you're almost ready to go. So I don't mind. Just… try not to burst into a spontaneous musical number again okay?"
Jessica and Ashley nodded, pulling Emily into a hug as they cooed over how beautiful she looked. Chloe smiled softly as she went to leave them to finish getting ready.
"Chloe?"
Chloe turned back to Emily, smiling warmly, "Yeah?"
"Will… will you walk me down the aisle?" Emily asked, "If it can't be my mom, I want it to be you."
Chloe bit her lip a little, tears springing into her eyes as a grin broke out across her face, "You- you want me to do it?"
"Yeah." Emily nodded, "Please? You're my big sister… who else would I ask?"
"Of course I will." Chloe beamed, "I wouldn't miss it." Emily simply beamed in response as Chloe kissed her cheek, "I have to go make sure things are ready for you to get up there and for the reception after, but I promise I will be there okay?"
Emily nodded, squeezing Chloe's hand tight before she left. This really was the happiest day of her life.
The wedding procession had begun to make its way up the hill to the chapel as Chloe made it the base, Emily spotting her over her shoulder and waving furiously at her as the donkey carried her carefully to her wedding. Chloe waved back, pausing to take a moment to compose as she signalled to Emily that she would be along in just a minute. She just needed a minute to soak all of this, to acclimatise to this new reality of Emily being a grown up and Chloe having to learn how to function on her own.
"You okay?"
Chloe sighed softly, her arms wrapping around herself as she turned to face Beca. She really did have the worst timing.
"I'm okay." Chloe nodded, "Just a little overwhelmed with all this. But I'm okay."
"It's okay to not be y'know?" Beca smiled softly, "This is kind of huge."
Chloe hated that Beca looked incredible right now, because it was very hard to ignore her feelings when Beca was stood before in a suit of all things… why did Beca have to look like that?
"I'll be fine Becs." Chloe insisted, running a hand through her hair as they headed up the hill after the wedding procession, flinching a little as Beca took her hand in hers but not pulling her hand away. It felt normal… nice even.
"Chlo… we need to talk after this." Beca insisted, "You know we do."
"Not. Now." Chloe shook her head in irritation, "I have to walk Emily down the aisle, I need to worry about the wedding right now, this… this mess?! So low on my priority list."
"Chloe, please, don't brush this off again…" Beca sighed, "I- I lo-"
"No!" Chloe's eyes blazed furiously as she snatched her hand from Beca's, the two of them stopping two thirds of the way up the hill, "You don't get it Beca! You went back to America, your career took off, you won awards, you became a global sensation, you got engaged for God's sake! And me?! I stayed here, I built this place back up, and what do I have to show for it?!"
"Chloe…" Beca sighed softly.
"No. You do not get to interrupt me right now. I work my ass off here, I fight every day to make ends meet and to just get out of bed whilst you live the life you always wanted with a beautiful woman ready to spend the rest of her life with you. I have no-one Becs, not after Emily goes. I just have this run down, sad excuse for a hotel that will probably go under within a year. You do not get to swan in here and tell me the thing I have been wanting to hear for fifteen years."
Beca swallowed hard, tears in her eyes as she looked away from Chloe for a moment. She had a point…
"I am so happy that things worked out for you Beca. I truly am. It's everything you wanted, and that's amazing." Chloe shook her head sadly, "But I- I can't stand here and listen to this, to you talking about one drunken kiss like it has to mean something."
"Chloe if you would just-" Beca sighed exasperatedly.
"For God's sake Beca!" Chloe practically screamed in frustration, "Are you not listening to what I'm saying? Fine… maybe you'll listen to yourself."
Beca frowned for a moment before her insides knotted, Chloe singing some all too familiar lyrics to her.
"I don't wanna talk, about things we've gone through. Though it's hurting me, now it's history. I've played all my cards, and that's what you've done too. Nothing more to say, no more ace to play…"
Beca crossed her arms over her chest, sniffing as she looked at the floor. She had written this song a very long time ago, when she had first gotten back to the US and she was (wrongly she had realised in retrospect) angry with Chloe for not fighting for her to stay, for blowing off their plans for New York for an impulsive whim (again, so very wrong). When Aubrey had heard it she had convinced Beca it would be the perfect single to promote her debut album ("The amount of raw emotion in this Beca… they will eat it up."), and she had been right; Beca's career and her debut album had flown on the back of this. And now here Chloe was singing it back to her…
"The winner takes it all, the loser standing small beside the victory, that's her destiny. I was in your arms, thinking I belonged there. I figured it made sense… building me a fence, building me a home thinking I'd be strong there. But I was a fool, playing by the rules…"
Chloe shook her head bitterly. Beca couldn't even look at her. Chloe knew the song had been about them, had been about her, she wasn't an idiot. But she never for a moment thought that Beca would so pigheaded that she thought that this song applied more to Chloe than it did to her. Or was that why she couldn't look her in the eye?
"The gods may throw the dice, their minds as cold as ice and someone way down here loses someone dear. The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall… it's simple and it's plain, why should I complain?"
Chloe hadn't meant to pour quite as much emotion into this as she was doing, but all the emotion she had been smothering lately about Beca, about the hotel, about Emily moving away flooded out in a torrent, tears streaming down her face.
"Tell me, does she kiss like I used to kiss you? Does it feel the same, when she calls your name? Somewhere deep inside, you must know I miss you… but what can I say? Rules must be obeyed. The judges will decide, the likes of me abide. Spectators of the show always staying low… the game is on again, a lover or a friend. A big thing or a small, the winner takes it all!"
Beca finally looked up from the floor at the start of the next verse, pain in her eyes as she shook her head a little. Chloe had no idea… no idea at all that she wasn't engaged anymore, that she hadn't been able to hold a candle up to Chloe, that she had only proposed out of a sense of obligation. She'd be so hurt too if the situation was reversed if only she could get Chloe to listen to her for a few seconds…
"I don't wanna talk 'cause it makes me feel sad… and I understand, you've come to shake my hand. I apologise if it makes you feel bad… seeing me so tense, no self-confidence. But you see… the winner takes it all! The winner takes it all! The game is on again, a lover or a friend, a big thing or a small, The winner takes it all!"
Beca hadn't heard her song sung with so much emotion and ferocity since she had first written it, and it made her heart ache. She never wanted Chloe to feel the same way she had when she was first back in America on her own. She hated that Chloe was feeling like this, hated that she was the one that had made Chloe feel like this after all this time apart.
"The winner takes it… all."
Chloe choked out the last line, shaking her head as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. They said nothing for a moment as Beca sniffed too, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She broke the silence eventually, sighing as her eyes met Chloe's.
"Don't you see Chlo? Yes, I wrote that song when I was in a really bad place, but now… now I'm-"
"You're the one who doesn't get it! It's too late Beca. It's fifteen years too late." Chloe wasn't angry anymore, just sad, defeated.
"Chloe leaving you was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I would trade everything that has happened since, every album, every Grammy, every single dollar, to be with you." Beca pursed her lips, hands running through her hair, "That girl, she isn't- we're not-" Beca had to pause as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her.
"I can't do this right now… Em is expecting me to walk her down the aisle." Chloe shook her head as she turned away from Beca, starting up towards the wedding chapel again, Beca hot on her heels.
"Chloe please, just listen to me for two minutes…" Beca begged, trying to catch Chloe's hand again.
"I'm sorry Beca." Chloe shook her head, "I can't do this."
Chloe took off at a sprint up the last remaining stairs, ignoring Beca calling her name and pleas for her to stop, to listen. Tears blurred her vision as she tried to push the overwhelming sadness in the pit of her stomach away. Not now. She had to think about Emily, she had to walk her down the aisle. Everything else could wait. Beca could wait.
She wanted her, Chloe hated herself for it but she wanted Beca still. But the thing was Beca had someone else. She had a whole life in L.A. that she might be willing to give up in the moment, but in the cold light of day, when the realities of life here, of running the hotel with no money and virtually no help, Beca wouldn't want that. She couldn't ask that of her.
Chloe shook her head as she reached the chapel.
Wedding first.
Beca later.
Here we go.