J—

Love changes everything.

The blue of the sky is deep, vibrant. New leaves poke out of the tree branches. The bitter cold has eased into more comfortable temperatures. The air even smells different.

We're all in a good place. Mashiho's been spending time with Ella, both in and out of school. He has his band in place. He's happy. Productive. This allows me to be a little selfish and carve out some time for me.

Time for me really means time spent with Lisa.

Lisa eats dinner with us Saturday nights. We "invite" her to join us when she comes to work with Mashiho earlier in the afternoon. We've taken to having longer meals. To help my cause, I serve more courses than usual when she dines with us, including soup, salad and dessert. Dinner takes so long, Mashiho gets bored half way through and leaves us alone.

I make all sorts of excuses to get out of the house on weeknights. Getting coffee while I work, going to the grocery store. Meeting up with a friend. Mashiho never questions me. He takes me at my word, and it makes the situation a lot easier for me to deal with.

Sometimes I tell my son that I "ran into" Ms. Manoban at the coffee shop, or the grocery store to explain why I was gone so long. Of course Mashiho isn't with me and doesn't realize I went shopping earlier in the day and hid a few bags in the trunk of my car. He has no idea these are excuses I make for my excursions when I sneak over to Lisa's place.

But the emergence of spring has brought with it the Easter holiday and spring break.

"Hey, Mom. Do you think Aunt Maggie will be upset if I want to come home early?" Mashiho asks shoving a sweatshirt into his duffle bag.

"No. But I know she misses you. And so do your cousins. Even though Dad isn't with us anymore, they are still family."

"I know." Mashiho looks down at the floor, and I wonder what's really going on. "But being with them makes me miss Dad."

"I know you miss him," I wrap my arm around my son's shoulder. And pull him close. I know he must be hurting bad because he isn't trying to shrug me off of him. "I miss him too. Like crazy."

"Does it get easier?"

I nod, and for once, I'm not lying. "It does. In the moments when you can laugh, or get lost in something you're passionate about, like when you're with Ella, or playing guitar. In those moments, you sort of forget the pain. And it's okay to let it go."

"But then," his eyes fill with tears. "But then won't I forget him?" his voice cracks. "I don't want to forget Dad. Ever"

I understand Mashiho's fear. Now that Lisa is in my life, I wonder the same thing. The deeper Lisa invades my heart, the more I worry that I might forget the sound of Han's voice, or the shine of his eyes when he spoke about Mashiho's latest accomplishment. But as of right now, they're still there.

"No sweetheart." I pull him into my arms. "You'll never forget Dad. He's a part of you. If you listen carefully enough, when you're quiet and alone, you'll hear him whisper straight into your heart."

Mashiho shakes his head.

"If you want to come home early, if it's too much for you, all you ever have to do is call me. No matter how old you get or how far from home you are, I'll come for you."

Mashiho sniffs, and to my surprise, throws his arms around me and leans in for a hug, I kiss the side of his head, content with where we are right now.

"And if you ask, I bet aunt Maggie will be happy to show you some funny pics of dad the first time he came home drunk from a party. He was passed out and she put make-up on him and took pictures. Then she had some blown up and replaced the family photos in the frames around the house with them."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. He never went home drunk again."

Mashiho laughs. I think spending this week with Han's sister will be good for him.

"She has a lot of funny stories about your father growing up. Ask her about them, I'm sure it will feel good for her to tell them."

"Okay, Mom." Sadness fills my son's eyes again.

"You were happy like five seconds ago. Honey, what's wrong?"

"Will you be okay with me gone? I mean, won't you be lonely?"

I give him a reassuring smile. "I'll be just fine. And I promise, I won't be sitting at home miserable. I think it's time to go out a little. What do you think about that?"

Mashiho nods. "I think it's a great idea."

"Morning sexy."

Fresh from the shower, Lisa comes up behind me and slips her arms around my waist. I close my eyes and lean back into her bare chest. It feels so good to be in her strong arms.

"Mmm. You smell good."

"So do you," she whispers kissing just below my ear.

"I smell like sex," I say, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Not quite like sex. Like sex mixed with a dash of me."

I turn in her arms so that I'm facing her.

"Why do you look so sad?" Lisa asks holding my face and cradling it in her hands.

"I'm not sad," I lie. "I'm just not a morning person.

"That's because you don't wake up with me. You've seemed to like the mornings just fine while you've been here."

I've spent the last four nights at Lisa's place. Four incredible nights of long baths with candles and sensual massages. She even hired friends of hers to come give us a professional massage.

Jorge and Gina are trying to get their business off the ground. They both work full time jobs and do this at night and on weekends.

Side by side, the tables are set up in Lisa's living room. We lie naked, each on our own table, under a blanket. Jorge's hands are magic. Not as amazing as Lisa's hands, but then again he isn't touching me in the same places his friend touches me.

I can tell Lisa enjoys the way Gina's working her muscles by the look on her face and the soft moans on her lips every now and then. It's a fun and relaxing evening. I couldn't have scripted it better, until I catch the horrified look on Gina's face when I catch her looking over at me.

It's not the fact that she's looking at me while her husband is touching my naked body, or that she has her hands all over the woman I love that makes me uncomfortable. It's the way she gawks at me. This is the reason I haven't wanted to go out to dinner or a movie, or even for a drink with Lisa. I had enough small mindedness at the comedy club.

The looks Gina's throwing between Jorge and me has me wondering how long it will take for the questions to come. Questions I'm not sure I can answer.

"So," Gina starts, I can only imagine what's coming next. "How did you guys meet?"

I don't give Lisa the opportunity to answer. I jump in with both feet. "Lisa was driving by, and saw me trying to cross the street with my walker. Worried I might get hit by a car, she stopped and came to my rescue."

I did it. I took the power away by putting our age difference out there and making light of it. If it doesn't bother Lisa, it shouldn't bother me. We're the only two that matter.

I hold my breath a moment, not sure how Lisa will react. I'm not the only one waiting on a cue from her. It seems Jorge and Gina stand frozen, open mouthed for a moment.

When the deep timbre of Lisa's laughter fills the room, the tension eases and everyone picks up where they left off.

"I'm sorry," Gina says, with a guilty look on her face. "I wasn't judging. I was just a little surprised."

"It's fine," I assure her. "We're bound to get funny looks and lots of questions."

The contented smile on Lisa's face says it all. She's happy. And so am I.

Bringing me back to the moment, Lisa slides her hands up, straight to my breasts. "Your tits are amazing," she says, taking hold and squeezing them. "You shouldn't hide them." She pulls the oversized t-shirt she lent me up over my head.

Lisa looks me over approvingly as I stand there fully exposed. As if to even the score, she loosens the towel around her body and lets it fall to the ground. I'm sure my eyes mirror the same greedy longings in hers.

I love her body. With or without clothes. Only when she's naked, I know she's going to use her perfectly sculpted flesh to bring me to the height of pleasure over and over again.

"Bet I can cheer you up and make you forget whatever has you looking so sad." Lisa says.

"Oh yeah? You think you know me that well?"

She nods with a crooked smile playing on her lips. "Um hum."

Before I know it, Lisa turns me around so that my back is to her once again. She plays with the peak of my nipples as she kisses my neck and uses her mouth to trail a path over to my back. Down my spine, her lips and tongue caress my skin. Her hands take longer to follow.

At the crack of my ass I feel her warm breath. Her hands massage the globes of my ass and spread it apart. Her tongue keeps working down, along the same path. My pulse races. I don't know what she's going to do, but whatever it is, I want it.

My pussy is dripping wet. I think about reaching down and touching my clit, but wait to see what Lisa does. She takes a soft bite out of one of my ass cheeks as her hand wraps around one of my ankles. She lifts my foot and moves it further away from the other one. My legs are spread, and I move my coffee cup over expecting that she's going to lean me over the kitchen counter and fuck me. Instead, she spreads my ass cheeks apart once more and brings her mouth to my puckered hole.

My entire body tenses up as her tongue circles the opening, licking, pushing inward. While using her mouth to tease my ass, Lisa brings one hand around to work on my pussy. She alternates playing with my clit and using her fingers to fuck me.

It doesn't take long before I'm screaming out her name. My body trembles and shakes with one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had. My legs feel like jelly. I don't think I can stand. Before I can turn around and face her, Lisa stands to her full height and pushes my back down.

"Now it's my turn, baby."

I lean over the counter and hold onto the side opposite me as she positions her cock inside me. Maybe because I feel so physically weak, or maybe I'm just more relaxed because the orgasm was so intense, but another one swells and grows inside me, almost from her first thrust.

It takes almost no time for me to cum again. This spurs Lisa on to fuck me harder. Her thrusts come faster. She leans over so that her chest is pressed against my back, her hands hold my tits, and her head rests on mine.

There's something different about the way we fuck this time. The sex is amazing. The best it's ever been, but there's something more. It's not just sex. It's a melding of two separate people becoming one.

I feel connected to Lisa on every level. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. She's now a part of me. Essential. Vital to my existence.

My feelings for her scare the shit out of me. They run deep. I don't know how they got there or how I can feel so much for someone that isn't Han. But I do. And I don't ever want to lose how whole I the feel in her arms with her inside me.

After cumming, Lisa pulls out of me. She turns me around, holds my face and kisses me, long and deep. I feel the strength of her emotions in her kiss. I wonder if she could feel how guilty, how conflicted I am. I break away and lean my head against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. I love the sound and can't get enough of it.

I want to be with Lisa, I have no doubt about that anymore. But am I a terrible person for it? Have I waited long enough to start dating? Does this mean I wasn't as happy with Han as I thought I was?

Lisa lifts my chin with her pointer finger so that I'm looking at her. I stare into the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen. "Do I want to know what's running through that beautiful head of yours?"

It's not hard to find a genuine smile when I look at her. When I'm with her, happiness infects me.

"Just that I love you. These past few days have been some of the best I've had in a really long time. Maybe ever."

"We'll have a lot more. I promise."

"Stealing time away together won't be so easy."

"It can be." She strokes my hair. "Let's be honest. Once Mashiho knows, we won't have to hide and sneak around. We can just be us, without any pretense."

I think about telling my son I'm in love with Lisa. I don't know how he'll react. I do know that they have a pretty good relationship, so maybe Mashiho will be happy that we're together. Maybe Mashiho will embrace it faster and easier than I did.

"Okay." I can't believe I'm agreeing to this. "We'll tell him. But not as soon as he gets home. We'll tell him when you come over for dinner Saturday night."

"Are you sure? I think it's the right thing to do, but I don't want to pressure you."

I nod. "Positive."