A/N: Enjoy!

THC – Round 2

House: Gryffindor

Class: Astronomy

Category: Standard

Prompts: [Character] Peeves, [Object] Bucket and Mop

WC: 1,231

TW: N/A

~~ Chaos: An Easy Guide for Poltergeists

All it takes is a bucket, and a mop.

But to do what?

Now, that is a very easy question to answer, Peeves can tell you. All it takes is a bucket and a mop to create the thing he loves the most, the thing he absolutely revels in. One word: chaos.

Preferably, the bucket will be full of dirty, soapy water, and the mop will be brand new and just so, so breakable, but really, anything will do. As long as there's a bucket and a mop.

Over the years, there have been other things. A broom, for example. But the broom was awfully easy to spell into dancing around the castle and ordering all the other brooms about. After all, brooms are meant to be enchanted. Even the faintest of magic will make it jump, though of course that isn't too much of a problem with Filch.

There was also the mop with an auto-humidifying charm on it. Peeves genuinely enjoyed using that to scrub down the tables of the Great Hall. They made great slip and slides one they were nice and wet. One time, the caretaker even tried to use a vacuum cleaner, of the magic variety. But all you needed to do was pull a few cables, and you got very strange results.

But truly, there's no need for all of these complicated contraptions. A mop and a bucket will do just fine to clean up the mud all of the students trail in from outside. A mop and a bucket will also do just fine to annoy the socks off the person Peeves chooses to annoy.

Which is why, one lovely October afternoon, when he sees his two favourite objects lying so very innocently in the middle of the corridor, a slow, wicked smile forms on his ghostly face.

Oh, this is going to be good.

Peeves ponders the issue. After all, there are just so many possibilities.

He could, for example, simply prop the bucket of dirty water on top of a door-frame. Professor Flitwick's face when he did that last time was absolutely priceless.

But that's quite a waste of perfectly good gritty, muddy water. Another favourite of his is to simply spill the bucket and try to spread it down as far as possible as he possibly can. It's even better if he can get the water to the stairs. Professor Longbottom who was carrying down some of his plants from the Astronomy Tower with his Third Years almost had his head when Peeves caused the stairs to become quite slippery.

Oh, and there was also that time when he used the wet mop to tickle people's faces as they walked past his corridor. He's pretty sure Victoire Weasely cried when he ruined her make-up. The best thing is that, no matter what he does, it always annoys Filch to no end. That overjoys him.

So many possibilities… how could he even think about choosing just one?

Ah, but he needs to innovate. He knows Filch carefully keeps notes on all he's done, so he can predict the poltergeist's next move. And if there's something Peeves doesn't like, it's being predictable. No. He must think of something new.

Oh, yes. A new, devious prank that will have them all be so bloody mad at him. Peeves only really feels alive when someone is screaming at him, and he's laughing so loud he can't hear them.

But just as he is pondering his next new trick, there are voices. He quickly decides to fade into the background. When people don't know he is there, the prank options are just endless. He loves scaring people.

"Headmistress, I desperately need a new mop."

"Argus, I simply don't see why. We just bought you one."

Oooh. Headmistress McGonagall and Filch. His two favourite people! What trick shall he play on them? His mind wanders back to the bucket and mop, and how he could use them.

"Yes, well it's all yellow and pla-plastic! I don't like it!"

"It's perfectly fine." Her voice is stern. She's probably tired of Filch's endless complaining.

"Peeves is going to destroy it! He probably already has!" Filch argues just as they turn the corner and head into the corridor where Peeves is hidden. "I probably need a new one already."

Peeves is suddenly glad he hasn't done anything to the mop and bucket yet, because McGonagall's tired face, and Filch's disbelieving one are well worth the restraint.

"I don't quite see what the problem is, Mr Filch," she says coolly.

Filch looks as if he can't believe his eyes and Peeves has to smother a laugh. "But—But! I left it out here, like this, just for him!"

"You left a bucket of dirty water and a mop in the middle of the corridor for Peeves to create havoc?" McGonagall echoes.

"Yes! He was supposed to break that horrible mop!" Filch exclaims, then turns pale, realising what he's just admitted. Aha! Peeves was being baited! This was just an evil plan to get a new mop. Peeves is really glad he didn't do anything.

"You what?"

"I—Nothing! Nevermind."

"Yes, Mr Filch. You will be using that mop until it gets too worn to be used, and that is my last word," McGonagall marches and she marches off. "Please stop wasting my time."

"But—Headmistress! Peeves is really horrible! He keeps bothering me," Filch wails. "Why do we need him anyway?"

But she ignores him and continues walking away resolutely, leaving Filch to grumble to himself as he puts his horrible yellow mop, and dirty bucket of water away.

Peeves could very easily answer that last question. It is very obvious to him why they need him. The students of Hogwarts need a little fun, from time to time, and Peeves is always there to provide it. He prides himself on the fact that his little war between Filch and himself is part of the Hogwarts' experience.

It is quite entertaining, if he does say so himself.

Also, he's a very reliable source of gossip. He's always ready to spill the latest piece of tea all over the castle in less than a day. And while it is true that sometimes he bothers the students, he knows they like it anyway. And who better to take the blame for their mistakes than Peeves? He doesn't care about the consequences anyway.

Causing trouble is the only thing he's ever done. Even when he was alive. It's the only thing he knows how to do. The only thing that truly makes him happy. And what better place to bother people than a school full of students and teachers and staff?

Sometimes, Peeves thinks he needs Hogwarts more than Hogwarts needs him.

But he doesn't think of that for a long time. The students need their entertainment after all.

Speaking of which…

"Hey Filchy-Wussy!" he calls out, and the caretaker glares at him as he stops being invisible.

"What do you want?" the old man growls.

"Oh, nothing," Peeves says innocently. "But, oh wait. No, I do remember."

And he pushes Filch straight into the bucket of dirty water.

"Filchy is a-covered in water dirty! He looks quite weary and smells quite stinky!" Peeves exclaims, leaving the soaking caretaker, and he sings his little song all over the song.

No, Hogwarts definitely needs him.