The first few days after learning the news of her mother's passing, Lorraine felt like she was drowning. It wasn't a word she wanted to verbalize, but a sinking feeling was exactly how she felt. She knew she wouldn't always feel that way, but in the present, it was hard to bear.
In those dark days God was the anchor that kept her from drowning, and her family the life vest that kept her afloat. Whenever she hugged Judy she held on a little longer, and when she was with Ed she held on tighter.
A few days after the funeral (which was officiated by Father Gordon), Lorraine began to breathe a little easier. With the public formalities over she found the healing process to be slightly more manageable.
One day when Judy was at school, Lorraine made it a point to stop by her mother's grave. While Lorraine was still a little anxious that her mother hadn't spoken to her after her death, she'd taken Ed's words from a few weeks ago to heart: there must be a reason.
Smoothing a blanket next to the headstone, Lorraine kneeled reverently and dedicated the Rosary she prayed to her mother's soul. Afterwards, she sat and listened to the silence. It was a beautiful day with the sun shining and the temperature in the seventies. Perhaps when it grew cooler in the evening, Lorraine thought, she would turn on the oven and bake cookies with Judy.
"Perhaps that's one way I can honor my mother," Lorraine mused, "By being the best mother I can be to Judy," She closed her eyes and smiled at the thought. Lorraine was still sitting like this when she heard Ed say from behind "I thought I'd find you here,"
"Mmm," Lorraine agreed as Ed placed a hand on her shoulder and took a seat next to her. Lorraine covered his hand with hers and Ed asked, "How are you holding up?"
"Better," Lorraine answered. "I've been able to get some perspective on things,"
"I'm glad to hear that,"br /Ed put his arm around Lorraine's shoulders as she leaned against him. They sat like this for a few minutes until Lorraine suddenly sat upright.
"Lorraine?" Ed asked, a little uneasy that something had startled her in such a way.
"Shh," Lorraine hushed. Ed did as he was told, unsure of what was going on until a cardinal landed on top of the gravestone. The bird stood there for a good minute, contentedly preening itself while Lorraine watched in fascination. Afterwards the cardinal turned her little head to Lorraine, stared at her for a few seconds, and took flight.
Ed didn't have to read Lorraine's mind to understand whatever had happened held significant importance. His wife's eyes were glassy with tears, but she didn't look sad. In fact, she looked like she'd been given an answer she'd been waiting for.
"Did you know cardinals were my mother's favorite bird?" Lorraine asked. Ed shook his head. "My mother adored them. Growing up she loved watching them eat at our bird feeder, and she even had some decorative items with the creatures printed on it. So to not only watch a female cardinal land on the headstone, but to have the bird look at me…it's like it was meant to be,"
Lorraine wiped a tear from her eye before she continued. "God, and even people, don't always speak with a voice," she commented, more to herself than Ed. "Sometimes they do so with signs and actions," She turned to her husband, a look of content on her face. "Everything will be all right, I know it,"
They sat at the site, marveling at what had just happened and the mystery of life until they returned to their cars and drove home. Once they parked the two sat outside the front door, holding hands and enjoying the weather while they waited for their daughter to return from school.
Because in the end, life- and love- goes on.